[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 3
Calum Wallace
Oh okay I'll admit it it woz my fault.
Hmm, no rant this time. I can't think of anything to rant about.
Chapter 3: It's All In The Family.
"We are one. We are free" - Offspring, 係e Are One'
************************************
Ranma stared at Ryoga, still stammering "What the fuck? What the fuck?"
Ryoga stood up. "What the fuck?"
Ranma stood up. "What the fuck?"
Both climbed out of the pond. "What the fuck? You too?"
"Jusenkyu, Ryoga?"
Ryoga nodded and grinned. "Yeah. I got what I wanted."
Ranma sighed. "Yeah - and I got what you wanted."
Ryoga's grin faded. "Life's a bitch an' then you die."
Akane stared from one to the other. "Ranma, who is this?"
Ranma sighed. "My half - brother, Ryoga Hibiki."
"Half SISTER now, Ranma man."
"Okay. Half-sister."
Ryoga stared at her feet. 郡hit, that's totally fucked up the good news I
had for you... it's like maybe Jusenkyu wasn't such a good thing."
"Ryoga, if Jusenkyu means that Akane's got her perfect lover an' you got
your dream, I can live with it. I'm gonna get some hot water. Don't suppose
you want any, huh?"
"Think I'll stay female... Is this Akane? Your girlfriend, right?"
"Yeah... Uh - Ryoga, what's the name o' the spring you fell in?"
"I got knocked into a pond called 茎pring of drowned cat' by this dickweed
with long hair, a white trenchcoat an' specs. Then I jumped into 茎pring of
drowned girl' once the guide dude explained what was going on."
"So he wasn't bullshittin' about the curses combinin', huh?"
"Nah. I get some weird looks, but that's not so bad."
"Hey, we gotten weird looks all our lives."
"Yeah."
They arrived in the house. Ryoga was grinning broadly again. Akane couldn't
help but notice that she was incredibly good looking. Definite supermodel
material.
Soun and Genma looked up. "What the fuck?"
"Dad, Ryoga's bin ta Jusenkyu too."
Genma stared. "Ryoga? Is that really you?"
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, it's me. As big an' bad as ever."
Genma shut his mouth. "You lucky sod!"
Ryoga nodded. "My dream's come true - I am really, truly female. Even if I'm
not totally human any more - I fell in Spring of Drowned Cat first."
Genma paused. "Yeah? The guide warned us about the curses combining."
"Uh - Ranma, my bike's been being a bit slow to start lately. Could you have
a look at her?"
Ranma nodded. "Sure. I'll check her out right away - what sorta way?"
"She takes a few seconds longer to catch and the battery ain't holding a
charge that well."
"Gotta be connected. You checked the igniter?"
"Yeah - it was getting old so I replaced it last week."
"Right... I'll just get some hot water then I'll check her over. Don't worry
- I'll have her runnin' sweetly again in no time."
************************************
Ryoga and Akane watched as Ranma started unbolting parts from Ryoga's bike.
They had hung around and smoked while the engine cooled.
Ranma frowned. "Hmm - let's see... Batery not chargin' proper - I'll check
the alternator first since you've had trouble with that before."
Ryoga snorted. "I'll say - I've blown six so far-" She suddenly stopped.
"Ranma, give that alernator a real good check over, huh? I had to replace it
again two weeks ago - the old one's bearing were stripped. And I'm not as
good with machines as you."
Ranma snapped his fingers. "That'll likely be it." He grabbed a different
spanner and started carefully removing the alternator. It was a Ford van
part and not designed to be revved as high as the jetbike spun it. He placed
it onto the ground, removed the cover and glanced inside it.
"Yep, that's it. Check this out - the brushes are clagged with mank.
Surprised ya didn't see it."
Ryoga groaned. "Just my fucking luck."
Akane caught a flicker of motion out of the corner of her eye. She turned to
look - and saw something large moving in the bushes.
"Ranma, there's someone in the bush over by the garage."
Ranma stood up and walked into the house. Ryoga pulled a very large spanner
out of the back of her jacket.
Then Ranma stepped out of the garage side door. He swore as someone with
purple hair jumped over the wall and ran for it
Akane stared in the direction the figure had gone. "Ranma! I think it's
Shan!"
"Wrong hairstyle - Shan's hair's shorter." He jumped on his bike and fired
the engine then did a smoking burnout out of the driveway. But he was back
within moments.
"No good. Whoever it wuz is gone."
"Why do you sound so tense?"
"Because a chick with purple hair hunted me for two months in China."
Akane stared at him. "You think that was the same person?"
"Yeah. Why the fuck didn't she attack? She's gotten an AK47."
Ryoga winced. "A machine gun?"
"Naw, a battle rifle. Not quite as fuggoff but pretty fuckin' close."
He sighed and started to clean Ryoga's bike's alternator.
Ryoga scratched her head. "Maybe she's run out of ammo - or maybe she didn't
bring the shooter to Japan?"
"Ryoga, you ever come across the Chinese Amazons?"
"Not as far as I know, but I've heard they're not to be fucked with."
"I hadn't. I fucked with her - beat her up after she punked on me an' Dad.
That wuz just after Jusenkyu."
He replaced the alternator. "There - I'll charge the battery and she'll be
runnin' fine again."
"Bro, we've got to prepare some sort of defence for the house."
Akane sighed. "So this Amazon person has an AK47 and want's to tangle with
you, Ranma? I think I'll be able to dissuade her."
"Huh? Akane, I couldn't and I'm a fair bit better than you. I mean, you're
pretty good for someone who trains an hour a day, but I've trained for most
of ten years. Just trained - well, that or repaired bikes. Or slept."
Akane chuckled. "Come on down the basement and I'll show you why I can scare
her. She think's an AK is hard, does she? Ha!"
Ranma and Ryoga shot each other a dubious look then followed her down into
the houses basement. She vanished behind a pile of cardboard boxes then
reappeared carrying an M60 machine gun.
"This thing is live. It works. I've got ammo."
Ranma stared at it. "I see hand machining marks."
"Yeah. You do - I downloaded the plans off the Internet. You wouldn't
believe what's on there. I made the propellant myslef - used the proper
recipie - and set up moulds for the cases. I'd do a lot of jail time if the
cops caught me with it." She paused again. "And I always have a .44 Magnum
on me. Look, I know I'm not the best fighter around - Dad can beat me easily
and several of his old students are better than him now. So I decided to get
some emergency backup."
Ranma chuckled quietly. "Let's see that little purple - haired bint mess
with us!"
************************************
Shampoo slouched angrily down the street. That had completely thrown her
trail dead - only one option left. Talk to the young Japanese guy and ask
him who he bought the bike from. It was unmistakably her target's bike - but
the phrase on the fuel tank semed somehow out of place now she knew what it
meant.
She sighed slightly. Seeing the Japanese man with his girlfriend - she had
marked the girl in the black trenchcoat as his lover immediately - had made
her realise just how much she wanted a family. Back home she just had her
brother and an annoying twerp.
She kicked an empty soft drinks can. It clattered away, landing in front of
a pair of feet.
"What the hell?" said a voice. The voice spoke Japanese but had a clear
Joketsuzo accent.
Shampoo looked up - and found herself looking at her exact duplicate. Well,
not quite her exact duplicate. The stranger had a gold tooth and shorter
hair, and was dressed in motorbike leathers.
The six foot six Europeaan girl beside her groaned. "Oh shit, it's your
paralell."
Shampoo's double nodded. "That torn it."
The European nodded and advanced on Shampoo, tensing up her muscles. The
other girl followed her, drawing a katana as she did so.
Shampoo weighed up her options for a couple of seconds then ran like hell.
************************************
Ryoga and Ranma stared quietly into the middle distance.
"Machine guns, Chinese Amazons - what next?"
Ranma shrugged. "Fuck knows. You gotten any idea where Akane's off ta?"
"I heard Kasumi asking her to take a book back to Doctor Tofu or something."
"Ah, Doc Tofu. He's the local medico. He stitched up Akane's tit after
Kuno's crony got her."
Ryoga narrowed her eyes. "Kuno? Who's Kuno?"
"You don't wanna know - he's this fuckhead who hates Akane. Dunno why."
"What'd his pal get her with?"
"Bokken. Kuno's a kendoist an' the school kendo club're his private army."
Ranma sniggered. "Though his army don't have a machine gun."
"Let me get this straight. This Kuno guy's pal slashed Akane's tit. Is he
dead?"
"Naw - not yet. He will be."
Ranma finished rolling the joint and lit up. He took a couple of draws then
handed it to Ryoga. "Here, have some ganga."
Ryoga nodded and took a couple of puffs then handed it back. "What're you
planning to do about this Kuno person?"
"Beats me - maybe I'll rip his face off. Or ram his bokken up his arse so it
comes outta his fuckin' gob."
************************************
Dr. Tofu looked up as Akane walked in the door.
"Ah, hello Akane. How's your cut?"
Akane sighed. "Could be worse..." She handed him the book.
"Ah, thankyou."
"That's not really why I came to see you. You were right. About Ranma and
me, I mean."
Dr. Tofu nodded. "I know - it was only a matter of time until you knew."
There was a crash from the direction of his office then a scuffle and thud.
He and Akane dashed through.
A shoe showed from under the desk. They could hear yelling voices outside.
"Where the fuck?"
"Shit, we lose her!"
"That's fucked that!"
Then there was just the sounds of the city and straining breath from under
the desk. Dr. Tofu peered under it.
A purple - haired girl dressed in baggy combats and wearing a heavy pack on
her back stared up at him. She was shaking and hyperventillating.
"Were you being chased?"
The girl nodded.
"Well, you're safe here. I think they've gone."
Akane frowned at her. She was the spitting image of Gary's wife, but had
noticeably longer hair and didn't have pierced ears. She slumped over onto
her side and kept gasping for breath.
"Hour... And... Half... Try... Lose..."
Each word was followed by a gasping inbreath.
Dr. Tofu helped her up and through to a sideroom. "I am a doctor. Lay down -
here, I'll help you off with your pack."
"Thank... Thankyou..."
Akane nodded slightly. The girl definitely wasn't Shan - she didn't have a
gold front tooth.
The girl looked at her. "Why... you... stare?"
"You look a lot like one of my friends."
"Girl... look like... I... she try... kill I..."
Dr. Tofu frowned. "Akane, I'd talk to your friend." He turned back to the
girl. "Now, you just lay here and rest. You're exhasusted."
The girl sighed heavily and was suddenly asleep.
************************************
Gary stared wildly around. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. Where the hell has she gone?"
Shan shrugged. "No way of know."
"Yeah - we'd best get out of here. Dad'll have to have Rocket finish
checking up here later."
"It'll be good for go home, huh?"
"Yeah - in a way. I hate it when thing's don't work out. What the hell's she
doing here this soon? He only arrived yesterday! There's someting real fishy
about the whole thing..."
Shan nodded. "Is so."
************************************
Akane slowly walked back into the house. She was worried - very worried.
She had a feeling Ranma's Chinese Amazon and the girl now fast asleep at Dr.
Tofu's were one and the same person.
Ranma and Ryoga jumped down from the roof as she walked up the driveway.
Much to her surprise they fell over in a giggling heap.
"Wow, man - I am so fuckin' ganjed..." Ranma remarked from under Ryoga.
"Hfmrgh?"
"You're stoned, ma-ma-br-si-sis."
"Mmgrrph..."
Ranma staggered to his feet. "Akane... can you help get this fuckin'
lightweight outside - no, that's not right... in..in... Inside?"
Akane sighed. "You two have been having a spliff, right?"
"Yeah... it's good sit... I mean shit..."
************************************
Akane watched as Ranma and Ryoga slowly came round from their stoned trance.
"You two are idiots."
Ranma giggled. "Yeah, that's sorta right."
"Mphmrwhaddyasay?"
"I mean, getting stoned when there's a trigger - happy Amazon after your
ass?"
Ranma sighed heavily. "I needed ta unwind, like."
"Fmmrrgh splrt mmerp"
"You two are useless!"
"Like, chill out!"
Akane shook her head and walked out the room. Ranma went pale and followed
her.
"Akane..."
"Shut up, you idiot!"
Ranma started banging his head on the wall. "This is so fucking typical!"
Ryoga lurched out into the hall. "Fmerrgwhat'stypical?"
"I fucked up, I fucked up, I-"
Akane swore. "Oh for fuck sake!"
"Akane! Don't punk!"
"Just leave me alone!" She stormed outside and sat down staring into the
middle distance. Another stoned figure lurched out of the house - Kasumi.
"Akane, what's kinda wrong, like?"
"Will you spliffheads lay offa me?"
There was a clump as a beercan landed in her lap. Kasumi stared sadly at
her.
"Drink that, little sis. It won't help but at least you can get too pissed
to remember anything."
Akane set the beer aside. "No - I want to remember! Look, Mr. Right just
turned out to be another spliffhead. Of course I'm fucking upset!"
"He does some weed and you punk? Why?"
"Because I want someone who can think!"
"Akane, there's no Mr. Right - just wrong ones we make right. Ranma isn't as
much a stoner as you make out - he's been dead sober since he arrived and
I've never smelt grass on him, right? Ryoga's got a bit of hash smell on
her, but not much. Just calm down-"
A voice drawled at her from the doorway. "Kasumi, bugger off willya? You're
not helpin'. This is completely between me an' Akane and it's no yer fuckin'
business."
Akane looked round. Ranma was swaying slightly but seemed alert enough. He
shot her a sad look. "Akane, just hear me out, okay? I'm still a bit stoned
so this may not make much sense, but just listen, okay?"
She nodded.
"I do smoke dope - now and then. I do get pissed - now and then. Who don't?
Okay, your sister Nabiki may never party but what the hell - she's got as
much personality as a lump o' tofu. I've never, ever fallen in love with
someone before an' I don't really know what I'm doing, okay?"
Akane glared at him. "How do I know you're not lieing?"
Ranma's hand shot out and smashed through the wall of the porch. When he
spoke again it was an angry snarl.
"Because I never, ever, fucking lie, okay? Never fucking ever!"
Ryoga lurched out the door.
"It's frooo... true... Ranma's not a liar..."
"Ryoga, fuck off outta here."
"Huh?"
"Go inside. Naw, fall over in the porch."
"Alright, man." Ryoga vanished backwaards with a crash.
"Now why are you so mad at me for having a spliff?"
Akane glared at him. "Because Kasumi's been stoned for eight years - and
just look where it got her."
"So one drink now and then's the same as being an alcoholic, right? Your big
sister may be a heavy toker but I just have a spliff now and then. Whenever
I'm feelin' fucked up and in need o' gettin' away from the world, okay?"
Akane lost her temper again. She stood up and gave him a good shove. He
vanished into the pond with a huge splash.
"Whaddya do that for?"
"Leave me alone!"
Ranma dissapeaared into the porch, dragging Ryoga after her.
Akane stared at Ranma's bike. The big machine sat and looked dark. She
walked over to it and looked it over.
"What side of Ranma do you see, bike?"
The machine predictably didn't answer. Akane walked round it and stared at
the clocks.
She suddenly realised she could see her own reflection in the speedo dust
cover.
"Ranma made you, bike. With his hands."
Her reflection silently mimiced her.
She reached out and took hold of the handlebars. They felt heavy even
without any weight on them.
She let go and backed away from the silent machine. She felt like she had
broken some unspoken law, just by touching it.
Something made her apologise. "Sorry." She hurried inside.
************************************
Ranma sat and stared at her hands. Ryoga was snoring from the guest bedroom.
They were good hands. With their help she had built several bikes. Her old
CB250. Her Gixer. Ryoga's jetbike.
But just now they felt useless. She wanted to do something with them - she
wanted to make something. Or hit something.
She glanced around the room - Akane's bedroom. Goth rockers stared from
posters back at her. A old Apple Mac in the corner. It had a scanner, modem
and printer beside it. A stack of heavy metal CD's. A large ghetto blaster.
The whole room smelt of Akane. Her trenchcoat was laying in the corner.
Ranma selected an Iron Maiden CD from the stack and slipped into the stereo.
She twisted the volume to full blast and pressed play. As Bruce Dickinson
began to sing Ranma settled herself, closed her eyes and spread her hands,
palm upwards.
************************************
Akane walked into the house. She slipped the front door closed.
Iron Maiden howled from her bedroom. She found Ranma meditating in the
centre of the floor. Ranma's leather jacket was lying on the back of a
chair.
She looked at Ranma's powerful muscles where they showed beneath her
battered T-shirt. Her cleavage was visible through a rent in the neckline.
How this miserable, seemingly defenceless teenage girl could at one and the
same time be a big, confident, rowdy man was beyond Akane's understanding.
Then something clicked. In his male form Ranma wore a mask of arrogant
foul-mouthed strength. But the curse took his mask away and revealed the
defenceless, frightened child beneath.
Her instincts took over and she slipped an arm around Ranma's shoulder,
feeling the smaller girl's heavy muscles beneath. Akane sighed lightly.
The most she could do for this scarred adult child was accept Ranma as he
(or she) was. Powerful but weak. Scary but scared. Big but small.
And beautiful to Akane's eyes. In both forms. Ranma had crashed into her
world like a whirlwind of destruction.
And changed everything. Even things Akane had taken for granted. He had
somehow managed to sexually attract her in his male form. He had blasted
away her lonliness. He had stuck up for her, cared about her, worried for
her safety.
And he loved her for who she really was.
The CD ended, Brucie's final words faded to silence, Steve Harris stopped
blasting out chords and silence filled the room.
Ranma opened her eyes. Akane's head was lying against her chest.
"Akane? You alright?"
"If you're not still mad at me."
"I weren't never mad at you. I wuz mad at me."
Akane looked up into the dazzling blue eyes of her sometimes boyfriend,
sometimes girlfriend. "You sure?"
Ranma nodded and sniffed. Akane suddenly realised the smaller girl had been
silently crying all through the CD.
She reached up and wiped the moisture from Ranma's face wth her thumb.
"You shouldn't need to cry."
"Everyone needs ta sometimes. Does yer good."
Akane nodded. "You're right."
"What're we gonna do? About our dads? About their engagement deal? About
Kuno? About that Amazon psycho bitch?... what're we gonna do about us?"
"I don't know... but all that can wait."
"It can wait as long as you damn well please, Akane."
Ryoga stuck her head in the door. "Ranma? Akane? What the hell are you guys
doing on the train?"
"Er - did you try to go to the toilet, Ryoga?"
"Yeah, Kasumi said it was two doors down to the left, but I got in a punch -
up with a guy on the edge of the cliff and ended up falling into a coffee
shop roof. After I picked the mess up they gave me some spliff and I tried
to get into their toilet and ended up in a train. We're not on that train
any more, are we?"
"Yeah - you got lost again."
Ryoga shrugged. "Aw well. Don't matter."
"Don't try to get to the toilet without me ya twit! You'll get lost!"
Ryoga groaned and allowed Ranma to steer her into the loo.
************************************
Some time later all three of them were sitting in the garden watching the
night go by. Ryoga scratched her chin.
"Nice, clear night. Looks like good riding weather."
"Aye. Sure does... but it'll get cold later on with the sky so clear."
Akane sighed. "I wish we could just stay here forever."
"Yeah, but we can't. Tomorrow we gotta go ta school, then there's that
Amazon bint and our dads ta deal with. What'll we say ta them?"
"I don't know."
Ryoga looked away froim her stargazing. "Why don't we go to a nightclub
tomorrow? I could do with a night dancin' and I won't get lost without my
bike for that long."
Ranma glanced at Akane. The ligts from the kitchen highlighted her face.
"Yeah - let's. Akane, you know any good clubs?"
Akane smiled slightly. "Yeah... I know just the place..."
fuckit this one's full.
NOTES
Ho hum, more fucked upness. Next - who is this second Shampoo? What's gonna
happen when three trouble magnets go clubbing? And how much collateral
damage will it cause?
Please note - Steve Harris (from Iron Maiden) is God!
C and C very welcome, please either send it to dog...@ratbike.org or post
it on rec.arts.anime.fandom (which seems to be the accepted route anyway)
Please don't complain about me writing this in the British version of
English. It'll just wind me up and make me send you sweary Emails. Feel free
to ask what I'm talking about but don't slag my language off.
Thanks to everyone who sent me lots of warm and fuzzy E-mails. It's nice to
feel supported... and I've got over 28 more chapters planned out, up till
chapter 11 written. I'm trying to post once a week so I keep ahead of
myself. Hope you all enjoy the outright weirdness I've got planned out!
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel witin the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill swich - The engine's 経ff' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.