[AMG/Ranma/SM][FanFic] A Certain Distance Sidestory: Urd and Shampoo Save The World, Chapter 2
Rob Kelk
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Disclaimer: No challenge is intended to the intellectual properties of
Fujishima Kosuke, Takahashi Rumiko, Takeuchi Naoko, or their licencees.)
Chapter Two: Not-So-Clever Strategems
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So *this* is your homeland. It's as lovely as it was the last time I
visited this part of the world."
"Thanks. I'm surprised that we haven't been met yet, though. But I
think that's about to change ..."
Suddenly two armed women were standing in their path. One of them
challenged the travellers. "Identify yourselves! Over!"
"Hello, Link. Don't you remember me?"
The other woman replied to the male's comment. "Aiyah! You're Mousse!
But where are your glasses? And how did you know she wasn't me? Over."
"I don't need glasses any more, Pink. And I've always known you by your
voices, not by your faces. What are the two of you doing here?"
"Your village's council asked us to help with guard duty while your
'Strongest Woman' contest was going on. Over."
"Who's your friend? Over."
"Just somebody he met in Beijing," replied Urd before Mousse could
answer.
"Oh. Over."
"Well, you may as well keep going. Over."
"We don't want to keep you from seeing your family after all this time.
Over."
"Don't mind us. Over."
Mousse smiled at the girls as he and Urd walked past them. "I'll be
sure to mention what a good job you're doing to the Council."
"Oh, you don't need to do that! Over."
"We're just happy to help! Over."
"Really! Over."
"Well, if you're sure ..."
"We're sure! Over."
"Good-bye! Over."
Mousse and Urd walked along in silence until they were out of earshot of
Pink and Link. "I wonder what they're up to?"
"Does it matter, Mousse? What can they do that the two of us can't
prevent?"
Mousse thought for a moment. "I guess you're right, Urd. Let's go and
see the Council."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The two "guards" were trying to calm themselves down while resting under
a tree beside the path.
"That was close! Over."
"Too close! Over."
"Do you think he suspects anything? Over."
"You do remember what Shampoo thinks of him, don't you? Over."
"That's true. Over."
"I'm glad we got rid of them before *he* showed up. Over."
"Actually, you didn't," came a voice from the branches above the girls.
"But I don't think that either of them noticed me up here."
"We're sorry, sir! Over."
"It won't happen again! Over."
"It had better not happen again. Or have you forgotten that your
friends' lives depend on your keeping me happy?"
"We haven't forgotten! Over."
"Good. Now, this is what I want you to do next ..."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The two travellers walked over yet another rise, then stopped. Below
them lay their destination - Mousse's home village. "It's been a while
simce I was last here," he whispered. "It hasn't changed a bit. At
least, I think it hasn't changed. I never could see it very well
before."
"It's been a while since I was last here, too," mentioned Urd. "I
wonder whether anyone still remembers me?"
"I don't think anybody ever mentioned a goddess visiting us ..."
Urd laughed for a moment. "No, they didn't know that I'm divine. They
just let me stay in exchange for making a few trinkets for them. Come
on, Mousse, let's go and see what's going on."
They started walking towards the village square. "Trinkets?" asked
Mousse.
Urd smiled. "Just a few low-powered magical items that various people
thought might come in handy and insisted that I make. They also
insisted on using some of the worst names I've ever heard for the
trinkets - the Lens of Invincibility, the Reversal Jewel, a dozen Love
Pills of varying potency ..."
"*You* made all those? But ... Those have been the most highly-guarded
treasures of our village for centuries!"
"Mousse ... I *am* the Goddess of the Past. Why do you think that it's
so strange that I would have visited your people in the past?"
"Oh ... Right. Silly me."
They turned a corner and walked into the town square. Being behind most
of the village's residents, nobody noticed their arrival until Mousse
cleared his throat. Only then did people turn to see that one of the
village's strongest warriors had returned. They quickly cleared a path
for him and his companion to walk to the front of the crowd, the better
to witness the annual Strongest Woman contest.
When the two travellers finally reached the front row, they were met by
three women wearing ceremonial robes. Mousee bowed to all three, taking
Urd's hand so that she was forced to bow as well. "Honoured elders of
the clans that make up the Women Warriors' Village, I have returned. I
humbly ask that my guest may remain unmolested while she is visiting our
people."
The three Elders looked at Mousse and Urd for a moment. Finally, the
one on the left said, "Oh, get up, boy."
"Yes, Elder Colonge," he replied as he straightened his back. "I'm
surprised that you've returned to our home as well."
"That girl didn't give Shampoo and me much choice. We had to come
back."
"What are you talking about?"
The person standing beside Colonge cleared her throat. "Ko Lon and
Sham Pu returned to us with a ridiculous story about Sham Pu being told
by a Goddess to give up her husband. Do you know anything about this,
Mu Tsu?"
Mousse shook his head. "I am sorrowed to say that I do not, Grand Elder
Bei Bi."
Urd giggled at Mousse's comment. "Her name ... is 'Baby'?"
Before Mousse could respond, Bei Bi tapped Urd's chest with her staff.
"You will show respect towards your elders, woman! Contemplate that
while you are unable to move. If you appear to be penitent, then I will
be gracious and restore your mobility after the contest is over. If
not, then you can stay that way until you die."
Urd smiled and stretched her arms (incidentally causing most of the
men present to need to cross their legs). "Or I could just ignore your
little love tap, *Baby*."
While shocked, Bei Bi did her best to hide the fright at Urd's display
of movement. "Are you challenging me, outsider?"
Mousse pulled Urd close enough to whisper. "Please don't challenge the
Grand Elder. I don't know which would be worse; you losing or you
winning."
"Don't think that we can't hear you, boy," interrupted Colonge.
"And don't think that this ... person scares me," added Urd. She then
turned back to Bei Bi. "I'm not about to challenge you, Baby. If you
want to challenge me, though, that's completely up to you, but don't
think that I'm going to put up with any of that 'Kiss of Death' nonsense
when you lose."
"Insolent bitch!"
"Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth, Baby? Or have you ever had
a boyfriend?"
MOusse moved to take Urd aside, but was stopped by Colonge. "Leave them
be, boy," she whispered. "It may be petty of me, but I would like to
see Bei Bi defeat your companion."
Bei Bi's rage was at its peak. "I challenge you, outsider!"
"Very well. Shall we take up positions at either end of the tournament
log, or do you want to fight here and now?"
Everyone else started moving back, very quickly.
"Right here! Right now! Prepare yourself!"
Urd smiled. "As the challenged party, I claim the right of first
attack." Bei Bi snarled, but stood her ground. Urd raised her left
arm. "Sea of blue that covers Heaven! Hear my voice! Know my will!
I am Urd, Greatest of the Three Norns!"
"Norn?" whispered Bei Bi, a frightened look on her face.
"And I call down the lightning!" Urd brought her hand down quickly.
A single bolt came down from the clear blue sky, and split the
tournament log lengthwise into two equal pieces.
Urd smiled, in a goofy way that reminded everyone who saw her of a
circus clown. "Oopsie. I missed." She then became completely serious.
"Your turn, Bei Bi. Assuming you want to continue this game, that is."
The Grand Elder shook her head. "No, I concede this match. I also
concede that Ko Lun and Sham Pu were telling the truth. The time of
prophecy is at hand, and the Gods walk among us once more." She then
bowed before her opponent. "What is your will, o Goddess?"
Colonge hopped over to Urd and whispered in her ear. Urd smiled. "I
suppose I can grant you that much, in exchange for your service in Tokyo
last month. Bei Bi, I ask that Sham Pu be absolved of her shame in
returning without her husband. It is the will of the gods that her man
walk a different path. No shame should fall upon Sham Pu because of
that."
The third Elder stepped forward. "This cannot be!"
"Why not?" asked Urd.
"If Sham Pu was to be absolved, then she would be within her rights to
demand to take the vacant position on the Council. I cannot abide
that."
Colonge hopped forward, leaving Mousse alone. "You just want your
protegee to take that position, Elder Cao Cao. She's skilled, but is
she ready for a leadership position?"
"She's more prepared than Sham Pu is, and you know it."
Bei Bi stepped between the other two Elders. "There is but one way to
settle this. Goddess, I assent to your request. Let everyone here know
that Sham Pu has no shame in returning to us without her husband. Let
everyone here also know that I am leaving the village. I shall not
return."
"What?"
"You can't!"
"I can and I will, Elder Cao Cao. You are now Grand Elder. Once I
leave, Councillor Ho Ni will take my place as Elder for our clan. That
will leave two Council positions open, which will be filled by the two
most capable people waiting for the honour - both of your protegees. I
have been watching them as they grew up; both the warrior Sham Pu and
the healer Pai Wei will make excellent Councillors. Be well." With
this, Bei Bi turned and walked away, not looking back.
Once she was gone, everyone turned to look at Cao Cao and Urd. The
goddess was the first to react. "Well, weren't you people in the middle
of a contest?"
Cao Cao cleared her throat. "You ... broke the log, ma'am. It'll take
a few days to make everything ready again."
"Oh, okay. If you aren't going to finish your tournament right now, can
Mousse and I speak with your Council?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To be continued ...
(And Shampoo actually appears in Chapter Three. Really!)
-- Rob Kelk <http://robkelk.ottawa-anime.org/> robkelk -at- jksrv -dot-
com "I'm *not* a kid! Nyyyeaaah!" - Skuld (in "Oh My Goddess!" OAV #3)
"When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of
childishness and the desire to be very grown-up." - C.S. Lewis, 1947