[MB/Ranma][FanFic] Mustard Girl - Episode 2: Male vs Female. Who is the Fiance?
Ratbat
A Marmalade Boy/Ranma 1/2 alternate history crossover
MUSTARD GIRL
Episode #2
Otoko tai Onna. Iinazuke wa Dare desuka?
by Urac Sigma
CAST OF CHARACTERS
SAOTOME RANMA
Man among women
KOISHIKAWA MIKI
Neurotic schoolgirl
MIWA SATOSHI
Ladies man
SOUO GINTA
Anal maniac
(well, he's in love with an arsehole)
NAMURA SHINICHI
The cool teacher
AKIZUKI MEIKO
The sane one
SAOTOME GENMA
Father figure
SAOTOME NODOKA
Mother figure
KOISHIKAWA RUMI
Other mother figure
KOISHIKAWA JIN
Er...another father
Those
TWO PEOPLE
we met last time
THE HEADMASTER
Another surprise
A
VILLAGER
TITLE SEQUENCE.
[With Koi o Wakaranai.]
1. LIBRARY.
[With the typical Marmalade Boy this-is-what-
happened-last-episode music, we pick up from the
last scene of episode 1...]
MIWA: Oh, I'm sure you'd at least like a tour of the
school. Then maybe of a movie theatre...
[Ranma steps right back and tries to overcome
the sheer futility of her next statement.]
RANMA: Listen!! I'm a guy!
[Miwa smiles.]
MIWA: Hey! We've got something in common, then!
[Ranma notices the figure emerging from behind
one end of the bookcase.]
SOMEONE ELSE:You stop there!
[Judging from Miwa's reaction, she turns to see
someone come out from the other end, as well.]
SOMEONE: What do you think you're doing with my fiance?
[On Miwa's justifiably surprised reaction.]
ART CARD.
[With Ranma 1/2's episode-title jingle.]
MEIKO [VO]: Otoko tai Onna. Iinazuke wa Dare desuka?
1 (Continued).
MIWA: Wow. An engaged lesbian who thinks she's a man.
I sure know how to pick them.
[Ranma turns to glare at him.]
RANMA: Urusai! I'm not a lesbian! I'm not engaged
either! I'm not even a girl!
[Both she and Miwa let their gaze sink to her
chest.]
MIWA: Then puberty sure was bad to you.
[Ranma thumps him against the bookshelf and he
falls to the ground. She turns to face 'Someone
Else'. She turns out to be a girl of about
nineteen, with lots of purple hair and a white
Chinese jumpsuit.]
RANMA: I know you, right...?
SHAMPOO: No you can forget! Shampoo is Shampoo!
[She looks over her shoulder to 'Someone'. This
one is a young lady about the same age as Ranma,
long brown hair, royal blue tunic with 'suki'
kanji all over it, and a collection of small
spatulas culminating in an absolutely huge one
on her back. Ukyou.]
RANMA: I've never seen you before.
[This seems to ire her. A lot.]
UKYOU: 'Never seen'?! You bastard!
[She whips a spatula from her collection and
throws it at Ranma. Ranma ducks it, and it
almost hits Shampoo.]
SHAMPOO: Hey! Careful temper!
UKYOU: Sorry.
RANMA: Who are you, then?
UKYOU: Kuonji... Kuonji Ukyou. Ring any bells, Ranchan?
[Miwa is getting to his feet.]
RANMA: Kuonji...?
MIWA: Say, do you mind if I ask--
RANMA: What's your name?
MIWA: Miwa Satoshi.
RANMA: Ja, Miwa-san...run!!
[They take off at a high speed, ducking past
Ukyou and away.]
SHAMPOO: Hey...!
[Ukyou is visibly upset.]
UKYOU: He didn't even remember me...
SHAMPOO: We worry about that later! After Ranma now!
[They go in the wake of Miwa and Ranma.]
2. CORRIDOR.
[Ginta has joined Meiko and Miki, and the three
of them walk along the corridor. Meiko carries a
kettle. Meiko and Miki are talking about
something, but we focus on Ginta's thoughts.]
GINTA [VO]: I'm sure I saw a girl there...but the only
person I saw before was that guy with the red
top. But...
GINTA: Miki, who's Saotome Ranma?
[Miki stops, a look of bizarre alarm on her
face.]
MIKI: He's...he's...just some guy who I don't really
know well at all. I think...[inspiration!] I
think he lives near me, so if he ever comes to
school by the same route as me, then...that's
why! It's just a coincidence!!
GINTA: Aa...sooka.
GINTA [VO]: 'Some guy'. But didn't Miki tell that strange
woman that Saotome Ranma was a girl?
[His head starts to spin.]
GINTA: Maybe I just shouldn't worry about it.
MIKI: Un?
GINTA: Aaa...nothing. Uh, I have to go. Ja!
MIKI & MEIKO:Mata n'!
[Miki watches him go.]
MIKI: He's still so nice to me. But if he likes me so
much, why did he drop me? I still like him.
But...then there's...Ranma.
[Looks disappointed with herself for even daring
to fancy a hydro-induced physiotranssexual.
Realises something.]
MIKI: N', Meiko, why are you carrying a kettle?
MEIKO: I have a feeling it might come in useful before
long...
[For once, Miki looks justifiably confused.]
3. STAIRWELL.
[Ranma and Miwa run up the stairs. Ginta has to
leap out of the way. He looks after them.]
GINTA [VO]: That girl again...it's definitely a girl, but
she's dressed in the same Chinese stuff as Ranma
was.
SHAMPOO [OOV]: Stop now!
[Ginta gets floored by Shampoo and Ukyou
charging up the stairs.]
GINTA: I get the feeling this isn't the first time
something like this will happen.
[A small distance away from him, Miwa comes to a
halt, puffed.]
MIWA: What am I running for? [Pant] It's her they
want... [Pant]
[He straightens up and looks proud.]
MIWA: Besides, what am I doing running away from
women?!
[Ginta sees this and face-faults.]
4. CORRIDOR.
[Ranma charges down, seeing Miki and Meiko at
the end of the corridor.]
MIKI [Calls]:N'! You're not supposed to run in the hall!
[Ranma is reaching them as...]
RANMA: I'll risk it!
[She pauses for breath a moment. Her bust is
troubling her.]
RANMA: Chikusho...! These things are a nuisance!
[Miki blushes and looks angry.]
MIKI [VO]: How can he be so crude about her own body!?
[Ranma starts to run again, but Meiko grabs her
arm.]
RANMA: Meiko! I've gotta--
MEIKO: Ranma.
[She tips the contents of the kettle over
Ranma's head, and she changes. Ranma looks
stunned.]
MEIKO: Better now?
[Miki and Ranma just splutter at her.]
RANMA: A...a...you know about Jusenkyou curses?
MEIKO: I'm in the literature club...I spend a lot of
time in the library. I've read about all kinds
of things!
MIKI: And you don't think it's weird?
[Meiko glares at her.]
MEIKO [Deadpan]: Well, you can talk. Your parents swapped
with another couple.
[Miki fumes. She's not having the best of days.
She snaps at Ranma.]
MIKI: Why are those girls chasing you?!
[Meiko looks down the corridor.]
MEIKO: Maybe we should worry about that later...look!
[The three of them disappear into a convenient
classroom. Ukyou storms down the corridor, looks
around, but doesn't see anything. She turns back
the way she came.]
5. STAIRWELL.
[Ukyou returns just as Shampoo does the same
from the opposite direction. Miwa is still
here.]
UKYOU: They've gone.
SHAMPOO: Shampoo no can find them too.
[She rounds on Miwa.]
SHAMPOO: You tell Shampoo!! Where is Ranma?
[She grabs him and holds him against the wall by
his throat.]
MIWA [Choking]: I don't know...
SHAMPOO: You lie! Where you hide him?
MIWA [Choking]: [Gack!] HIM? She looked-- [erk] I mean, I
really don't know-- uhh...
SHAMPOO: Me can hurt you!
[Ukyou gently taps Shampoo on the shoulder with
a spatula.]
UKYOU: Y'know, sugar, most likely he really doesn't
know anything about this...
[Shampoo reluctantly lets him go. He gasps and
rubs his neck.]
MIWA: Uhh...thank you...
[He smiles That Miwa Smile.]
MIWA: You know, you're kind of pretty when you're
psychotic.
UKYOU: I'm sorry about my friend... she gets a bit
worked up when it comes to matters like this...
You see, me and Shampoo - we've both got a bit
of beefbowl to settle with Saotome Ranma...
MIWA: Sure looked like it. What the heck did
this...person...do to you?
UKYOU: In my case, nothing. And there's the problem...
[Dissolve.]
6. EMPTY CLASSROOM.
[How strange. No-one seems to be needing to do
any schooling today. Oh, well...]
[It's not entirely empty, though. Miki and Meiko
are sitting on desks, watching a pacing Ranma.]
RANMA: I just don't get it. I don't think I did
anything to Kuonji Ukyou.
MIKI: You're not sure?
RANMA: I was only five when I knew him!
[He stops and looks up.]
RANMA: And he was a him!
MEIKO: Maybe he still is.
MIKI: Nani? You think he's...
[She blushes.]
RANMA: I think she means that Ukyou could have fallen
into the same pool I did, Miki.
MIKI: Oh.
RANMA: But that's not what I'm worrying about now. What
did I do to him to piss him off so much? And
his...her...fiance?!
[That doesn't help Miki's mood much.]
MIKI: Maybe you should try to remember! Maybe this
marriage thing is all a mistake!
RANMA: You could be right. I hope you're right...
[He remembers. Flashback to:]
7. ROADSIDE.
[Genma is here, as is a much younger Ranma [as
in, age five or so]. Both are wearing gis,
walking down a dirt path in the countryside.]
RANMA [VO]: I met him on the first training trip my dad took
me on. His dad had...an okonomiyaki yatai.
[Genma and little Ranma arrive at a food cart.
An Ukyou (who does look like a boy, but in a
five-year-old-girl kind of way) of the same age
as Ranma is there.]
RANMA [VO]: We used to get food from him all the time.
Ucchan and I used to get on great.
[Young Ukyou and Young Ranma start arsing about
together.]
RANMA [VO]: And he was a real good chef, even though he was
only five.
[Young Ukyou leaps up to the griddle on the
yatai, then brings a lovely-looking okonomiyaki
down for Ranma. Before giving it over to him,
she draws a big love-heart on it in okonomiyaki
sauce. He takes to it happily.]
RANMA [VO]: He tried to teach me to do it, but it never
quite worked.
[Young Ranma now leaps up to the griddle and
brings down his creation: a five-centimetre
thick chunk of blackness.]
RANMA [VO]: Gotta admit, though, he was always real nice
about it.
[As Ranma happily eats his okonomiyaki from
Ukyou, Ukyou puts Ranma's creation to her lips,
bites, and pulls back to reveal a missing tooth.
She smiles at Ranma, then, while Ranma is
looking down to eat, throws it away.]
[End flashback.]
8. EMPTY-ISH CLASSROOM.
RANMA: Then one day he just went away. Oyaji never did
say where he went. So I don't know what could
have happened!
9. STAIRWELL.
[Miwa, Ukyou and Shampoo are still here. Shampoo
is off in the background, yawning while Ukyou
talks to Miwa.]
UKYOU: Saotome Ranma betrayed me, that's what happened!
[Flashback to:]
10. ROADSIDE.
[Younger versions of Ukyou and Ranma playing
like before.]
UKYOU [VO]: All that time that we were playing together, I
was in love with Ranchan, and I knew it. So, I
told my dad this...and he offered to propose
marriage to Ranma for me, giving the yatai as a
dowry. He did, and they took the yatai...
[Young Ranma gets up and leaves the picture.]
UKYOU [VO]: ...but after they took their yatai, Ranma never
came back!
[End flashback.]
11. STAIRWELL.
UKYOU: He took my heart and fried it in a savoury
batter, then left it out for the dogs!!
[Tears are now very much in her eyes. At the
batter remark, Miwa casts a 'What the heck?'
glance at Shampoo, which she returns with a 'she
always does that' one.]
MIWA [VO]: This Ranma is one heavy guy...or chick...or
whatever...I need to find out all I can about
her...even if she is really a guy, I bet her
female side still gets lonely...
[He looks over at Shampoo.]
MIWA [VO]: Or, better yet, this Shampoo girl might learn to
get over him...but why does she want him, for
that matter?
MIWA: So where do you fit into all this? I know you
both want to marry him, but doesn't that mean
you should fight each other?
SHAMPOO: That all change when Ukyou come to my village...
[Flashback to:]
12. EDGE OF VILLAGE.
[We see a figure approaching a group of huts
that marks the start of the village of Chinese
Amazons. As we draw closer, we can see that is
Ukyou, dressed and bound to look like a male.]
UKYOU [VO]: Right. By this time I was sixteen - and I'd been
living as a boy. After what Ranma had done to
me, I couldn't bear life as a girl for a very
long time... I'd started tracking Ranchan down,
and I'd got as far as a particular region of
China...
[As the flashback-Ukyou approaches, one of the
village women calls out to her in Mandarin.]
VILLAGER: Hey, you! Outsider! Who are you? What do you
want here?
[Ukyou stares at her blankly.]
UKYOU: I'm sorry...I don't speak much...Mandarin?
Cantonese? French? Do you speak Japanese?
VILLAGER: You're quite welcome to pay a visit, stranger,
but we need to know what you want!
UKYOU: Gomenasai...wakarimasen...[slowly and
patronisingly] I'm looking for Saotome Ranma.
Has he--
SHAMPOO [OOV]: Saotome Ranma?! Who dares utter that name
in my presence??
[Shampoo launches forth from the distance, and
comes to a landing before Ukyou.]
SHAMPOO: That foul scoundrel has thoroughly humiliated me
before my entire village, so if you've got
anything to do with her, I want to hear about
it!
UKYOU: Ranma...is...my...fiance!
SHAMPOO: Ranma what? I'm terribly sorry, old bean, but I
can't understand a dashed word you're saying.
[Ukyou pulls a phrasebook from a pocket in her
backpack and flips through it.]
UKYOU: Me...marry!
[This enrages Shampoo.]
SHAMPOO: You want to marry me? I must say, old chap, I
admire your pluck, seeing as we've just met and
all that - but I'll only stand for it if you
come by the rules of our village - and best me
in combat!!
[She leaps at Ukyou and tackles her to the
ground. Ukyou only just manages to get free and
drop her pack. She looks at the phrasebook.]
UKYOU: Blankety-blank two-hundred-yen piece of
rubbish!!
[She throws it away. She grabs a spatula and
turns for the next Shampoo attack, but she's too
off-guard to start with, and the pack and book
have only made it worse. When she tries to throw
the spatula, Shampoo flicks it back at her,
throws her own bonbori to knock her to the
ground. Grabbing her weapon once more, Shampoo
dives in for the crushing blow...]
NEW VOICE: WAIT!!
[Ukyou slowly opens her eyes to see that she is
not being pounded, after all. Shampoo's blow has
been held in check by a small, very old looking
woman holding a stick against the younger
Amazon's wrist.]
SHAMPOO: Now hang on a moment, great-grandmother, what is
it you're playing at?
[Her great-grandmother, Cologne, looks up at
her.]
COLOGNE: Even though ignorance of our traditions is no
excuse for anything, Shampoo, I think these
might be considered mitigating circumstances.
Look!
[Cologne points. Ukyou and Shampoo both look and
see that the deflected spatula damaged both
Ukyou's shirt and her binding, and while she's
not exactly all on display, breasts are
certainly in evidence.]
SHAMPOO: Another girl wanted to marry me? That doesn't
happen very often.
COLOGNE: [Sigh] Child, I can understand everything our
guest has been saying. She doesn't want to marry
you at all. [To Ukyou] Can you stand, stranger?
[Ukyou, relieved to be hearing Japanese, nods
and gets to her feet.]
COLOGNE: Then I suggest you come with me. We have a lot
of talking to do.
[Cologne and Ukyou move off. Shampoo stares
after them for a second.]
SHAMPOO: What's the problem? Why doesn't she want to
marry me? What's wrong with me??
[Her ego bruised, she turns to the other
villager.]
SHAMPOO: You would, wouldn't you? You'd marry me if you
liked girls, wouldn't you?
[The villager says nothing, just walks away.
Shampoo humphs and stalks off after Cologne and
Ukyou. Dissolve.]
13. COLOGNE'S HUT.
[Shampoo watches as Cologne is talking to
Ukyou.]
UKYOU [VO]: Shampoo's great-grandmother told me about the
Saotome Ranma they'd met - but they'd met a
girl...
COLOGNE: ...then, after she and her panda had eaten all
the food that was to be the prize for the
contest, she and Shampoo fought - if Ranma won,
then the food would have been hers anyway.
UKYOU: And did she win?
COLOGNE: Ranma? Oh yes. But to be defeated by an outsider
was a great humiliation for Shampoo, and so
Shampoo gave her the kiss of death. With no
prior arrangement or proposal before the fight,
Shampoo is now pledged to kill the girl known as
Saotome Ranma.
UKYOU: But Ranma's a boy! I told you that!
SHAMPOO: Have you got around to mentioning the fact that
her Ranma is a chap, and ours is a girl yet?
COLOGNE: Shampoo, practice your Japanese.
SHAMPOO: Watashi wa otearai no terebi o tabetaidesu.
[Ukyou stares at her blankly.]
SHAMPOO: Fluffy pink gerbils I like to polish.
COLOGNE: Shampoo?
SHAMPOO: Yes, great-grandmother?
COLOGNE: Go home and practice your Japanese.
SHAMPOO: Yes, great-grandmother.
[Shampoo leaves.]
UKYOU: Ja, whatever you said, it doesn't change the
fact that you think Ranma's a girl, whereas I
know he's a boy.
COLOGNE: But there's one fact that both you and Shampoo
haven't considered.
UKYOU: Oh? And what's that?
COLOGNE: Less than a day's travel from here is the
legendary training ground called Jhusenkyou.
That place is covered in cursed springs - and
whoever falls in them today is cursed to take on
the form of whoever or whatever drowned in there
to curse the pool centuries ago. One of the
biggest pools in Nyannichuan, where a young girl
drowned about a millennium and a half before
now...if this Ranma is the dedicated martial-
artist you say he is...
[Ukyou snaps her fingers.]
UKYOU: Then he could have fallen in there, and now he's
a girl!
[Cologne nods.]
COLOGNE: Some of the time, anyway. But what to do? If
Ranma is really a man, this changes things for
Shampoo.
UKYOU: It does?
COLOGNE: Yes. You see, for an unprepared woman-to-woman
fight, what Shampoo did is a pledge to
kill...but if she was defeated in combat by a
man...then she must take his hand in marriage!
UKYOU: What? But I'm engaged to Ranma! I've got to
marry him! For my family, for my honour!
COLOGNE: I know...and your claim by far predates
Shampoo's...
[There is a long pause while Cologne thinks,
then:]
COLOGNE [Calls]: Shampoo!
[Shampoo comes running back in.]
SHAMPOO: Yes, great-grandmother?
COLOGNE: Shampoo, I suggest you practice your Japanese a
lot - you're going to need it where you're
going!
SHAMPOO: Great-grandmother?
UKYOU: What's going on? What are you saying to her?
[She reaches for a spatula, but Cologne waves
her down.]
COLOGNE: Stay your hand, visitor. I have decided the
perfect solution for both of you.
UKYOU: You have, huh?
COLOGNE: Have respect, child, I could have just saved
both your lives. [Beat] While both of your
claims are valid and honourable, neither of them
state exclusivity. My decision is that you and
Shampoo join forces - and you both marry Saotome
Ranma!
[End flashback.]
14. STAIRWELL.
MIWA: And you did this?
UKYOU: Well, I didn't like it at first...
SHAMPOO: ...but no can argue with great-grandmother!
UKYOU: She's right, you no can. Er, can't.
[Silence. Then Miwa turns to Shampoo.]
MIWA: Well, if you get tired of having someone you
have to share, I'm always around...
[Shampoo growls, and Miwa just manages to duck
aside as a bonbori thumps into the wall behind
where his head was. And just at that point, who
should round the corner but Na-chan.]
NA-CHAN: Oi!!
[All three turn to look at him.]
NA-CHAN: Now, I don't really mind that you girls are out
of uniform, but trying to beat up the class
president, and damaging school walls is too much
even for me to overlook!
[He steps forward, gentle yet scary.]
NA-CHAN: I think we need to take a trek...to the
Headmaster's office!
15. CORRIDOR.
[Miki, Meiko and Ranma are walking down the
corridor.]
MIKI [Almost-successfully-covered jealousy]: What's with
the 'Ucchan', anyway?
RANMA: I used to call him that. It was like we had pet
names for each other...Ucchan and Ranchan...
MIKI [VO]: That's so sweet...
[She catches herself, and the background turns
into a rainbow swirly thing.]
MIKI [VO]: What am I doing? He can't be sweet! He's already
said no to helping me turn our families back to
normal! He's a sign of everything that's wrong
with my life!
[Yes, the crap personality and inability to make
logical connections can be directly and
retrospectively attributed to Ranma.]
MEIKO [OOV]: I think I've worked it out.
[Miki snaps back to that thing she calls
reality.]
MIKI: Worked what out, Meiko-chan?
MEIKO: Why Ukyou's a she instead of a he.
RANMA: Ja, if he's been tracking me, I suppose he could
have gone to Jusenkyou...
MEIKO: Or...try this, Ranma-kun...have you ever seen a
girl our age, with short hair and wearing the
right clothes, and thought she looked 'boyish'?
RANMA: Yeah, but I don't see where this is going.
[Miki's brain clicks into place.]
MIKI: Wait! I do! So if a really young girl did it...
MEIKO: ...to a really young boy...
RANMA: Are you trying to tell me she's been a girl all
along?
MEIKO: It would make sense.
MIKI: Especially if she thinks you're engaged!
RANMA: Y'know, somehow parts of this are starting to
make sense...
16. HEADMASTER'S OFFICE.
[Shampoo and Ukyou are here, right before the
desk. Na-chan and Miwa are also in the room.
Behind the desk is the headmaster: an ex-
military man with a moustache and an English
accent: Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-
Stewart. He gets up and goes over to the girls
as if he's inspecting the troops.]
THE BRIGADIER: Now, I was all ready to send letters home
to your parents, but now you tell me that
neither of you actually go to this school! Which
means that not only were you assaulting one of
my students - something I do not take lightly -
but you were also trespassing and vandalising my
school! Can you give me even one good reason why
I shouldn't call the police?
[Both girls, despite any pluck they might have,
stare at their feet.]
THE BRIGADIER: Hm? Answer me!
UKYOU: [Mumbles something]
THE BRIGADIER: Come again?
SHAMPOO [Sheepish]: It a personal matter.
[The Brigadier softens slightly and allows
himself a smile.]
THE BRIGADIER: Young love, eh?
UKYOU: Sir?
THE BRIGADIER: Oh, I might have a few years under my belt,
but I can still remember what it's like to be
young...the school's certainly insured, and I'm
more than a little familiar with the
impetuousness of youth. [A bit sterner] I think
that if you can assure me I won't see you
trespassing around here again, we might be able
to call it a day.
[He looks over at Miwa, who shrugs: he got to
hit on a pretty Chinese girl, so he's happy.]
UKYOU & SHAMPOO: Thank you, sir.
17. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE.
[It's this corridor that Miki, Meiko and Ranma
are heading down. Ginta appears at the end of
the corridor, behind them, and quickens his pace
to catch up. The door to the office opens, and
Shampoo and Ukyou shuffle out to see the others.
It takes a moment of recognition of Ranma-kun,
but...]
UKYOU: Ranchan!
SHAMPOO: Wode airen - you come here!
[Ranma tries to spin for a quick escape, but
gets taken aback by...]
MIKI: Wait! You can't do anything to him!
SHAMPOO: Why wet-look-hair girl say that?
MIKI: Because...han...because...I'm Ranma's real
fiance!
[Now everyone looks surprised. Ginta sees this
from where he is, and snaps.]
GINTA: NOO!!!!
[He runs to catch up with everyone.]
RANMA: What're you doin', Miki?
UKYOU: Nice try, sugar, but we ain't buying it.
[Shampoo brandishes her bonbori.]
SHAMPOO: Should keep out of things that no concern you!
Or could get hurt!
GINTA: Hey! Don't you touch Miki!! [Rounds on Ranma]
And what the hell do you think you're doing??
RANMA: Me???
[Ukyou spatulas Ginta.]
UKYOU: Don't be rude to my future husband!
[Miwa comes from the office. He turns to
Shampoo.]
MIWA: Still want to marry this guy? I've got a vacancy
for a wife.
SHAMPOO: Shampoo can tell you which vacancy you can fill!
MIKI: Hey!
SHAMPOO: Didn't Shampoo tell to be quiet?!
[Etc, etc...pretty soon there's a full-scale
argument/brawl going on outside the office. No-
one really notices when Na-chan emerges from the
office and leaves. After a moment, Meiko does
too. Then, it's bad news as the next blow
exchanged hits the emerging Brigadier. They
realise his presence, and stop.]
THE BRIGADIER [Slow menace]:You...are...all...on...detention.
UKYOU: But we told you! Shampoo and I don't even go to
this school!
THE BRIGADIER: I DON'T CARE!!!
[Dissolve.]
18. DETENTION ROOM.
[As the Brigadier watches over them, we see
Ginta, Miki, Shampoo, Miwa and Ukyou sitting
sulking at desks. A trip up the back of the room
takes us to Ranma.]
RANMA [VO]: Engagement...what kinda crap is this...I think a
certain father's going to have to explain
himself when I get home...
[We move up to Ginta.]
GINTA [VO]: Damn Saotome...this is all his fault. What's he
want with Miki. I want to hurt him...but
he...and that girl...
[He sighs and slumps his head onto the desk.
Dissolve.]
19. LIVING ROOM.
[We haven't seen the living room of the new
Saotome-Koishikawa house before, but here it is.
We open on Nodoka, Rumi and Jin around the
table. There is an enormous crash, but no-one so
much as looks up. Obviously this kind of thing
happens all the time. We pan across the room to
Ranma angrily walking away from the source of
the noise. Genma the panda is half-buried under
a filing cabinet, holding up a sign that says
'Oh, THAT.']
20. ABANDONED SHOP.
[This is evidently the base of operations for
Shampoo and Ukyou. They walk in.]
UKYOU: Shampoo, do you think that that brunette really
is another fiance of Ranma's.
[Shampoo just turns and looks at her.]
UKYOU: No, I didn't think so either.
SHAMPOO: No worry about her. She no be any threat to us.
We might get setback today, but soon...
[They link hands in solidarity.]
SHAMPOO & UKYOU: ...Saotome Ranma will be ours!
21. MIKI'S BEDROOM.
[Miki is writing in her diary.]
MIKI [VO]: Maybe Ranma isn't so bad after all...he did try
to stop me getting hurt in the fight...but what
am I to do? If he's around, that means his
parents are around, which means that they're
still going to marry my parents! And I don't
want that! Not at all! It's sick!! Weird!!!
[She goes nuts writing 'hen' over and over again
in her diary.]
22. UPSTAIRS HALL.
[Jin stops Ranma as he walks through.]
JIN: Ranma-kun?
RANMA: Jin-san?
JIN: Miki's been in her room ever since you came
home. Did something happen at school today?
[Ranma tries to think: after all, this kind of
day isn't so weird for him.]
RANMA: Jaaa....
JIN: Maybe you should talk to her about it.
[Rumi mysteriously is suddenly behind him.]
RUMI: We both think it's very important that you get
along!
[Ranma almost jumps out of his skin at her
appearance, but calms down and nods.]
RANMA: I guess so...
[Jin and Rumi move on.]
RANMA [VO]: I guess I should thank her for what she did
today...but it was such a dumb thing to do! It
didn't concern her! But Okaasan could be right,
she's a weird, mixed-up kid. That must've been
such a big thing for her... [beat] Does that
mean...? [beat] Oh, this is weird. Maybe I
should just swallow my pride, go in there and
tell her exactly what she did and what it must
have meant. [Beat] Ee, that's it...
[He reaches for the doorknob.]
RANMA [VO]: But then...
23. MIKI'S BEDROOM.
[Miki is lying back on her bed.]
MIKI [VO]: But when Ranma was describing himself and Ukyou
as kids...when they were Ranchan and Ucchan...I
almost felt like...like I was missing out on
something...
[A knock on the door.]
MIKI: Un?
[The door opens, and Ranma enters.]
RANMA [VO]: Get on with it, Saotome! Just tell her exactly
what you were thinking. She's only the girl who
lives with you - it's not like she's some insane
martial-arts toilet-cleaner out for your blood
or anything... Thank her for today, even if it
didn't do anything! Jeez, self! Just tell her
the full story!
RANMA: Uh...thanks.
[He retreats, and closes the door. Miki leans
back on the bed, a slight smile on her face.]
MIKI [VO]: Poor boy...I already know what he's like...that
must've been so hard for him.
[She smiles a bit more. Fade out.]
END CREDITS.
Written and created by
URAC SIGMA
Based on
Marmalade Boy created by
YOSHIZUMI WATARU
MIKI [VO, dreamy]:Ucchan...Ranchan...Micchan...
and
Ranma 1/2 created by
TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
http://members.tripod.com/~Ratbat/mustard.html
(c) Recycadelic Cacti Productions MCMXCVII
AUTHOR'S NOTES
This, needless to say, is the second episode of the Ranma
1/2/Marmalade Boy crossover fanfic, Mustard Girl. Sorry that
this episode is mostly flashbacks, but what else can you
expect from a Marmalade Boy series? Next episode, though, I
promise we'll be quite firmly in the present.
As for the Brigadier from Doctor Who being the headmaster,
well...at the point of Marmalade Boy I've seen up to, the
principal of the school is yet to receive a name. When I was
watching it, however, I noted with glee to someone that he
looked a lot like the Brig, who happened to become a teacher
after he retired...and what the smeg, it's my fanfic and it
can't hurt the story any.
Another note I wanted to add was about the speech patterns of
the various characters. Ranma characters' English dialects
come from a number of sources (subbed anime, dubbed anime,
translated manga, other fanfics, etc, etc), and so it isn't
much of a problem to find a constant. However, with the
Marmalade Boy characters, my only real exposure has been to
the Tomodachi Anime fansubs - so when they speak English (or
at least, when they speak Japaneigo), they have what I can
only refer to as a 'Karen Duffy accent'!
Ja ne,
Urac Sigma
Canberra, October 1997
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