[Ranma][Fanfic] The Relic
UkyouKwnji
Start with the standard Takahashi disclaimers, and double 'em.
***
Happosai squirmed frantically, but to no avail. Ranma was sitting
squarely on top of the old lech while the three Tendo sisters rummaged
through his drawers looking for their drawers that he'd stolen from
their drawers. Oh, it could have been easier; they could have simply
punted Happosai into the standard lower-earth orbit. It had been
agreed, however, that it would be infinitely more punishment for him
to actually watch as they rifed through his precious collection. So
Ranma was occupied keeping a bad man down... which suited him fine.
He didn't like to deal with panties and bras even when he was female.
The piles -- one for Kasumi's stuff, one for Nabiki's, one for Akane's,
and one miscellaneous pile -- were growing at a fast clip, when Nabiki
pulled up short. "Oi... hey you guys, get a load of this!"
-----------------------
THE RELIC
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction
by Ukyou Kuonji
-----------------------
Nabiki lifted a wooden box from the drawer she had been ransacking.
The lid of the box was bevelled glass, framed in wood, and locked.
Inside, of course, was a bra-and-panties set. The old man's eyes
swelled to twice their size.
"Oh my... that must belong to someone important, or famous to be set
in a box like this. You really shouldn't take things like this from
people; this could be quite valuable to someone."
"Do you think we should return it to its rightful owner, Kasumi
oneechan?"
"I doubt it." Nabiki blew on the glass pane of the box, sending a
theatrical plume of dust into the air. "It's been untouched for quite
a while... whoever owns this thing hasn't come looking for it, and it
probably wouldn't fit them at this point in any case."
"That's right Nabiki, and set it down, if you please." Happosai
flailed his arms reaching for the box, and finally popped out from
underneath Ranma like a champagne cork. Ranma was sent sprawling to
the wall by the window, while the old man flew to Nabiki, swiping the
box from her hands before she could brace herself for the anticipated
assault. "I'll take that back now, dear." Much to Nabiki's surprise,
the old man simply landed a few feet away, and checked the box to
assure himself that no harm had come to it. Satisfied that it was
undamaged, he looked up and the three girls, who were staring at him
with no small measure of surprise.
"What's with you girls? Did you think I was going to attack you?"
Ranma's eyes rolled. "Geez, whatever gave you *that* idea?"
Happosai wheeled on his insolent student. "Ranma m'boy, you are the
*least* qualified to talk right now. You have no idea what it's like
to have loved and lost. Anything I might have gain from touching these
lovely girls," and he swept his arm toward the Tendo sisters, "would be
negated by profaning this sacred relic of my lost darling."
Kasumi's eyes widened a bit, but Akane was the first to speak: "You
mean to tell us you...?"
"Fell in love? Ah, yes." The old man's eyes went sad and dreamy.
"Believe it or not, she fell in love with me first."
Ranma snorted. "You're right, I don't believe it. Is this like that
story with you and Cologne and that ring?"
The old man didn't deign to answer. "I'll be honest. Even I was
amazed. Maybe she had a different set of values than people do here.
Because I was very much like I am today, only worse."
"You mean uglier?" That remark got a response. For much of the rest
of the story, Ranma was unconscious, the victim of the old man's pipe.
"I mean more perverted. Don't look at me like that, girls... I simply
mean that I could act on my desires in ways that I can't now. It's
just one of those things that you lose when you're my age. Back then,
when I would love 'em and leave 'em, I could really love 'em.
"How d'ya think I became the creator and master of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts? I was constantly having to defend myself against jilted
boyfriends and other fellows who'd thought I'd wronged this girl and
that girl.
"And then... she came.
"She was a foreigner,a noble girl... I really don't know what she saw
in me, but she did. And I enjoyed ever minute of her attention.
"She was the one who taught me (however unwittingly) that the female
form could give me the energy to defeat my opponants. There was a
power, an electricity coursing through her that I could tap into almost
endlessly. Whenever I was down and defeated, all I needed was a touch,
a feel, a smell, and I was a new man.
"Of course, the first thing that new man wanted was usually another
woman. She was devoted to me, but she was no fool. That power of
hers? She would use it against me quite often. Little did she know
how it was building up my resistance to such attacks. Not to mention
building up my own ki.
"Finally, though, she gave me an ultimatum -- either choose her or
refuse her.
"I really did love her, you've got to understand. But I couldn't
change myself for her anymore than a tiger could change his stripes.
I had to refuse her. And I never saw her again.
"A few days later, one of her friends launched a vicious attack on me,
but I defeated her after a brutal battle. The poor girl was near
death, in fact; I had never meant to do her such harm, and told her so.
"She spit out a tooth and said, 'No you never mean to, but you do it
anyway. You might as well be a demon, for all the damage you cause.
First her, and now me.'
"I asked her to explain, and she told me what happened after I had
issued my refusal. My darling had gone to her parents, and made them
swear an oath that whatever was to happen, that they would not hold it
against myself and Japan, nor would they start a war that would, in any
case, be futile.
"They did not understand what she was referring to when she spoke of
futility, but they swore regardless. Shortly thereafter, she went to
her chambers, locked the door, and did what she thought her honor
demanded, in the grand tradition of Japan. Even to the end, she wanted
to be part of my world. She had no second, mind you... when she
committed seppuku, she spent her last hour in agony.
"Her parents were appalled and livid, but they had sworn an oath, and
would respect their daughter's wishes. After all, nothing they could
do would bring her back.
"But her friend had made no such oath, and had no compunctions about
attacking me as she felt I deserved. Only, as it turned out, she had
received the punishment and not I, due to my superior skill.
"I brought her back to my darling's parents, and they left for their
home, along with the rest of their entourage, to try and save her
friend. This," and he the old man gazed at the box, "was all they
left me as a reminder of her, of how she loved me, and how I'd treated
her.
"I've never had another girl since. I couldn't if I tried. Anyone
that willing would always remind me of her, and I couldn't go through
with it."
Nabiki, still a little too close to Happosai for her own comfort, was
holding her chest. "Well, I've noticed your reverence only goes so
far."
"That?" Happosai laughed mirthlessly. "I can't make love anymore,
what else do I have? The Art. And the one way I have to power up
is..." He reached out for her, and she scooted backwards across the
floor on her rear. He dropped his hand. "No. Never mind. Not now.
"If you'll excuse me, I'd like to be alone with my memories..." He
sniffled a couple of ties, then shuffled out of the room, unopposed.
By this time, Ranma had come to. "Hey... you're just letting him go?"
"Ranma-kun... I think Grandfather just needs the time to be by himself.
I don't believe it would do any harm."
Nabiki was still gazing out the door, a bit incredulous. "No kidding...
I mean, he didn't attack us or nothing."
"You don't mean to tell me you three *believe* that load of crap?"
Akane just shrugged. "Not sure, but... well, let's get back to this
while there's still time, huh? Is this one yours, Kasumi?"
***
Happposai held the box reverently, and kissed the glass as though it
were a life-giving icon. He imagined he could still feel the charge
from her fingertips, across all these years. He set the box down and
wailed out her name to the heavens:
"LUUUM-CHAAAAAAAAN!!"
----------
Hmm... this veered off from where I'd intended it to go. It was gonna
be a light, frothy piece about how Happosai was really Ataru Moroboshi
some eighty or so years later... and while I realize that's as much of
a stretch as placing the Ranma timeframe in the generations past like I
did with "How it all ended... and began," I thought it made some sense.
Surely Lum's lightning attacks, if properly absorbed, could develop a
great ki-wielding martial artist...
Somewhere along the line, it evolved into a lost-love story that's given
Happi considerably more heart than even *I* considered him to have. In
any case, I'd love to hear from you all about these two. Until next
time (and I doubt it'll be long, BTW), ja!
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_~