[Ranma][Fanfic] The Ranma Horror Fanfic Show

[Douglas Whiddon]

Author's insane ramblings (or is it the other way around?)
Finally! The damned thing is finished, I didn't ever think I would get through
it. Thanks to the following for there comments on the first draft.
Thomas Schauer <Thomas_...@ITA.DOC.GOV>
sho...@zeus.anet-chi.com (LaShawn M. Taylor)
Magic Knight Kyone <jdl...@unity.ncsu.edu>

Disclaimer, disclaimer, there's a disclaimer here.
characters herein belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Rocky Horror Picture Show
belongs to someone else as well.

and now let there be text.....

The Ranma Horror Fanfic Show

Cast:
Dr. Kuno (a scientist) Kodachi Kuno
Akane Tendo (a heroine) Akane Tendo
Ryouga Hibiki (a hero) Ryouga Hibiki
Voodoo spike (a handyman) Hikaru Gosankugi
Ukyo (a domestic) Kuonji Ukyou
Shampoo (a groupie) Shampoo
Dr. Tofu (a rival scientist) Dr. Tofu
Ranma Horror (a creation) Ranma Soatome
Mousse (ex-delivery boy) Mousse
The Nerimians:
Kasumi
Nabiki
Cologne
Happousai
Kurenai Tsubasa

The sign Read "First Baptist church of Nerima" Daisuke and Hiroshi
stood by the sign
"Here they come!" Daisuke exclaimed.
"Let's get a picture." Hiroshi began giving the wedding party
directions " Close together now. The folks and then the grandparents. Yes,
all the close family. Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And... smile!
Congratulations!"
Mikado Sanzenin stood by his best friend and best man Ryouga
"I guess we finally did it, huh."
"I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Azusa have been
almost inseparable since you started skating together." Ryouga patted Mikado
on his shoulder.
"Well to tell you the truth, Ryouga, she's the only reason I showed up
in the first place. well her and the 400 ladies in my fan club."
"Hey look over there." Ryouga diverted his attention to the crowd of
girls on the church steps; they where trying to get Azusa to throw the
bouquet.
Azusa stood on the top step "No! No! it's mine; Diane! Diane!."
Azusa was suddenly buried under a pile of girls. From the middle of
the crowd an athletic girl with short dark hair leaped up triumphantly;
clutching the bouquet in one hand and a less than fully conscious Azusa in the
other.
"I got it! I got it!" Akane wrapped her arms around the bouquet and
inhaled deeply.
Mikado patted Ryouga on the back "Hey big fella, looks like it could
be your turn next, eh?"
Ryouga turned white "Who knows" his voice was hoarse.
"Well, so long, see you Ryouga. Guess we better get going now See
ya, Ryouga! Mikado took the dazed Azusa from Akane.
Akane Ran up to Ryouga the bouquet clutched tightly in her hand.
"Oh Ryouga, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Azusa look radiantly beautiful? I
can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old Azusa Shiratori and
now...
now she's Mrs. Mikado Sanzenin."
"Yes Akane, Mikado's a lucky guy."
"Yes." Akane watched as the couple drove of in their car, a tear in
her eye. " I always cry at weddings."
"Uh, everyone knows that Azusa is a wonderful little cook."
"Are you trying to say something about my cooking?"
"Of course not, I'm just saying Azusa is a great cook."
Akane lowered her mallet.
"Hey Akane."
"Yes Ryouga?"
"I've got something to say."
"Uh huh."
"I... uh... um.., I'm ready to go, how about you."
" yeah I guess so, are you going to drive me home?:
"Sure."

<LATER>

"Ryouga I think we're lost"
"Don't be silly Akane we're not lost I Know right where we are, the
dojo is just around the corner."
"Ryouga we've been driving all day and all night, the dojo was only
three blocks from the church , we are lost."
A motorcycle Brushed past the small car, passing dangerously close to them
on the right.
"Ryouga, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. They all
drive
like maniacs especially in all this rain."
"Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type. You know I think I might have
taken the wrong fork a few miles back. well I guess we'll just have to turn
back."

BANG!

"What was that?" Akane looked around nervously.
"We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten
that spare tire fixed. Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for
help."
"But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?"
"I think we passed a castle back down the road, Maybe they
have a telephone I could use."
"I'm going with you."
"Oh, no, there's no sense in both of us getting wet."
"I'm coming with you! Besides you can get lost walking through a
door"
Akane climbed over the drivers seat and came out under Ryouga's bamboo
umbrella.

OVER AT THE KUNO PLACE

Ryouga Pushed the doorbell, it rang with a hollow gong
reverberating in the darkness
"Ryouga, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened..."
"Just a moment Akane, they might have a phone."
The heavy oaken door creaked open and small man appeared, he was
dressed in a black outfit with silver buttons it looked like a boys school
uniform. His hair was slightly unkempt and his eyes did not quite seem to
focus but where wide open. Black lines under them gave the impression that
he hadn't had a decent nights sleep since the day he was born. "Hello." The
man spoke so softly that it took Ryouga a moment to realize that he had not
imagined it.
"Hi! My name is Ryouga Hibiki, and this is my friend, Akane Tendo.
I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up
the road... do you have a phone we might use?
"You're wet." (actually This was probably the stupidest thing anyone
alive had ever said short of "Let's call it the Edsel, it'll be a huge hit" as
the man was struggling to hold the door just a little open with all the wind
and
needed scuba gear just to stand there.)
"Yes - it's raining." (Ryouga's comment will probably go down in the
annals of understatement, this was the beginnings of a hurricane.)
Lightning flashed across the sky and Ryouga noticed that the front
drive of the mansion was full of motorcycles
"Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside." The small man
retreated inside, holding the door open to allow the couple to slip inside.
Akane smiled at the small nervous seeming little man "You're too
kind." Akane grabbed onto Ryouga's arm "Ryouga, I'm frightened, what
kind of a place is this?"
"Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdoes."
"This way."
Akane heard people talking and laughing just ahead of them
The small man lead them into a large circular room filled with some rather
colorful people Akane had to keep her self from staring. She saw an
exceedingly old woman perched pogo-stick like on a wooden cane, an ancient
man carrying a large bag out of which hung several items of woman's
underwear. next to him stood a panda bear, a pretty woman with short hair
with a large katana strapped across her back and another short man with a
large fishing rod.
"what a bunch of weirdoes." Akane pulled up to Ryouga "Are you
having a party?"
"You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the mistress's
affairs."
"Oh, lucky her."
A fairly normal looking girl with an incredibly large spatula on her
back spoke up "You're lucky, she's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha Ha
Ha"
The odd little man they had been following suddenly spun on one
heel to face them "It's astounding" music came from somewhere and they
realized he was starting to sing.
"Time is fleeting" The rest of the crowd was now singing with the
music.
"Madness takes its toll."
"But listen closely..."
"Not for very much longer."
"I've got to keep control."
"I remember doing the time-warp"
"Drinking those moments when"
"The blackness would hit me"
The crowd had began what appeared to be a simple line dance.
"And a void would be calling..."
"Let's do the time-warp again."
"Let's do the time-warp again."
"It's just a jump to the left." The crowd jumped to the left
"And then a step to the right." they stepped to the right, to
organized
not to have practiced.
"With your hands on your hips."
"You bring your knees in tight."
"But it's the pelvic thrust"
"That really drives you insane."
"Let's do the time-warp again."
"Let's do the time-warp again."

The spatula girl stepped from the crowd "It's so dreamy, oh fantasy
free me. So you can't see me, no, not at all. In another dimension, with
voyeuristic intention, Well secluded, I see all."
The bizarre little man stepped forward to join the spatula girl "With
a
bit of a mind flip" they began to alternate lines.
"You're into the time slip."
"And nothing can ever be the same."
"You're spaced out on sensation."
"Like you're under sedation."
The crowd joined in again "Let's do the time-warp again."
"Let's do the time-warp again." they continued to dance,
Ryouga
and Akane gaped open mouthed as there odd musical number continued.
A well built girl with purple hair stepped out from the group and
started to sing with a horrendous Chinese accent:
"was walking down the street just a-having a think"
"When snake guy give Shampoo evil wink."
"He shook Shampoo up, he took Shampoo by surprise"
"He had pickup truck, and devil's eyes."
"He stared at Shampoo and Shampoo felt change."
"Time meant nothing, never would again."
Without missing a beat the rest picked up again.
"Let's do the time-warp again."
"Let's do the time-warp again."
"It's just a jump to the left!" the crowd jumped to the left
"And then a step to the right." and stepped to the right.
"With your hands on your hips...."
"You bring your knees in tight."
"But it's the pelvic thrust"
"That really drives you insane."
"Let's do the time-warp again."
"Let's do the time-warp again."
Akane turned to Ryouga "Ryouga these people are weird, and I'm
getting scared, do something."
"Say, do any of you guys know how to do the Jusenkyo two-step?"
"You call that doing something!?"
"For God's sake keep a grip on yourself It's just a party, Akane.
"Well - I want to go."
"Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone."
"Well then ask that weirdo who led us in here."
"I don't thank we should interfere with their celebration."
"This isn't the Ramen venders association, Ryouga."
"They're probably gaijin with ways different than our own. They may
do some more... folk dancing.
"Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!"
Akane and Ryouga began to back up slowly Until they backed into
the elevator they had not noticed before. The elevator was descending.
"I'm here - there's nothing to worry about."
The elevator reached the bottom and the pair heard a sound which sent a chill
up there spine.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" it was a very high pitched
laugh.

Ryoga and Akane both turned hearing the high pitched laughter,
they found themselves face to face with the oddest person they had met so
far.
She had long black hair, Deep red lips and was wearing a black bustier with
red roses stitched into the fabric, she had on black silk stockings and lace
panties, and she was wearing a black leather coat and a studded leather
collar.
For a few moments they all stood there just staring at each other.
"How do you do, I See you've met my handyman, Voodoo spike."
Ryouga noticed that the woman was carrying a leather whip in one hand.
" My name is Kodachi Kuno, Don't get strung out by the way I
look. I'm not much by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a...
lover."
Kodachi ran her whip along the edge of Ryouga's jaw, her lips close enough to
kiss him.
Akane Grabbed Ryouga by the arm and yanked him back to her side.
"Remember me?" she glared at him.
"Let me show you around" as Kodachi walked ahead of them they
noticed another rose, a black one this time, on the back of her coat.
Ryouga stepped up behind Kodachi "I'm glad we caught you at home,
we're in a bit of a hurry Could we use your phone?
"Why don't you stay for the night?"
Ryouga stammered at this "Um. well... I suppose we YOUCH!"
Akane put her foot down firmly on Ryouga's toes.
"We can't really we'll just say where we are, and go wait by the car
for the tow truck." Akane definitely did not like this woman and wanted to get
as far away as possible.
The odd little man who had led them in appeared out of nowhere,
VooDoo Spike, Akane had heard him called, "Phone lines are down and we
really can't let you go out in this weather, there's a flood warning on."
"And besides I insist you stay for dinner, and maybe afterwards I
could show you my favorite obsession. you see I've been making a man."
Akane turned to Ryouga "Did she say she's been making a man?"
Ryouga leaned towards Akane "I'm a little worried about our host's
mental state."
"I'm not, I know she's nuts."
Kodachi stepped across the room and reclined on a couch by the far wall, her
guests formed a horseshoe shape around her
Kodachi brought her right foot up onto the couch and began to tap her
whip
against her knee "So why don't you come up to my lab, and Uh.. see what's on
the slab."
Kodachi stood up and walked back over to the elevator. She stepped
in and was gone as quickly as she had come.
The Girl with the Spatula strapped to her back stepped up behind
Akane and began to pull off her wet clothes.
Akane turned to Ryouga "Ryouga!"
Seeing Akane in her underwear Ryouga grabbed his nose and
clamped it shut "It's all right Akane. We'll play along for now"
while Voodoo Spike was busy pulling Ryouga's clothes off him the
purple haired Chinese girl stepped foreword again.
"Ooh, slow, slow! Is too nice a job to rush."
Ryouga broke the awkward silence "Hi, my name is Ryouga Hibiki,
and this is my friend, Akane Tendo; ah.. you are...?"
"You very lucky to be invited see Kodachi's laboratory. Some people
would give right arm for privilege."
Akane Glared at the girl "People like you maybe." she muttered under her
breath.
"Ha! Shampoo seen it."
Voodoo Spike ushered them towards the elevator wearing nothing but their
underwear "Come along - the mistress doesn't like to be kept waiting."
Akane crossed her arms in front of her chest "Is she, um, Kodachi I
mean - is she your wife?
"The mistress is not yet married, nor do I think she ever will be. We
are simply her .... servants.
"Oh." Akane wondered exactly what he meant by this.
Voodoo Spike opened the elevator door and stepped out, Akane followed into
the weirdest room she had ever seen. just past the elevator on either side
where
statues reminiscent of Michelangelo's David; each holding a stereo speaker.
At the other end of the room was a rack and table both full of equipment that
would look right at home in any mad-scientist's lab, which this was. at the
far
end of the room was what appeared to be a reinforced fish tank full of mist
and what looked like a mummy. above hung an odd assembly of lights and
cameras and other less identifiable things.
Kodachi was now wearing a lab coat and her whip had disappeared
along the way. "Ukyo, Shampoo - go assist Voodoo spike. I will ...uh huh
huh... entertain... our guests"
Ryouga realized they had not introduced themselves yet "I'm Ryouga
Hibiki. This is my friend, Akane kendo."
Akane glared at Ryouga "Tendo."
Ryouga looked momentarily confused "Huh? Um."
Kodachi Kissed Akane's hand "Enchante."
Kodachi looked back at Ryouga wearing only a tiger stripped bandanna and
matching briefs "Well!, How nice. And what .... charming... underclothes
you both have. But here. Put these on.
Ryouga and Akane accepted the white lab coats they where offered
and quickly pulled them on.
"They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we receive
visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality."
Akane exploded at this "Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use
your telephone, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!
"Akane, don't be ungrateful."
"Ungrateful!"
Kodachi watched this whole exchange with a slight grin "How
forceful you are Akane, Such a perfect specimen of womanhood. So...
dominant. You must be awfully proud of her, Ryouga."
Ryouga stammered a little at this, unsure of who to take it. "Um,
well, uh yah I guess I am."
Voodoo spike appeared among them suddenly "Everything is in
readiness, mistress. We merely await your... word."
With a dramatic flair Kodachi turned away from Ryouga and Akane,
and strode up to the mist-filled tank. "Tonight, my unconventional
conventionists, you will witness a huge breakthrough in my research... and
paradise is to be mine!," Kodachi's insane laugh began again "Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha"
Kodachi stopped laughing suddenly " It was strange the way it
happened.. suddenly you get a break... whole pieces seem to fit into place,
not
a sign of being.. what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a
small accident to make it happen... AN ACCIDENT..."
Her audience joined in "An accident!"
Kodachi continued unabated "But that's how I discovered the secret, that
elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the... breath... of life, Yes, I have
that knowledge... I hold the secret... to life... itself!" Kodachi threw her
head back and ran her fingers through her long hair an almost orgasmic look
crossed her face briefly. "You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night
that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN!"
Kodachi turned to Voodoo spike standing by an elaborate panel of
dials, levers, switches, buttons and knobs. "Up now! ...throw open the
switches on the sonic oscillator... and step the reactor power input THREE
MORE POINTS!
Akane turned to Ryouga "Oh, Ryouga!"
The mist from the tank began to spill over the edge, the odd-assembly-of-
lights-and-camaras-and-other-less-identifiable-things began to move down
towards the tank the lights flashing, the Less-identifiable-things doing less
identifiable things, the whole assembly poured out steam and the occasional
photo strobe effect. the
odd-assembly-of-lights-and-camaras-and-other-less-identifiable-things
extended a claw into the tank and lifted out the mummy Ukyo, Shampoo and
Voodoo Spike rushed to remove the Bandages.
Slowly they revealed a young man with broad shoulders, a narrow waist, well
muscled chest, strong arms and a pony tail in the back. His face bore a rather
dazed expression. He was wearing only black briefs.
Akane held her breath staring intently at the sight of the handsome
man.
Kodachi walked over and ran her hand across his chest, "Oh! Ranma!"
Kodachi, along with everyone else in the room stared at Ranma
"Oh, Ranma!" Kodachi broke the silence. "you're such an exceptional
beauty" Kodachi stepped up close to Ranma and ran her hand across his chest
and jaw, checking him like a newly purchased thoroughbred stallion "Oh, I
just love success"
"He's a credit to your genius, mistress." Voodoo spike had obviously
had training in kissing ass. (among other things)
"A triumph of your will."
Kodachi basked in their adulation's "Yes."
"He O.K."
Kodachi became enraged "O.K.?, O.K.?!?, I think we can do better
than that. Humph! Well, Ryouga, ...Akane, what do you think of him?
Akane turned to face Kodachi "Well, I don't like men."
Kodachi became enraged at this "I didn't make him FOR YOU! He... "

<CRASH>, <SHATTER>, <TINKLE>.

Suddenly the skylight far above them exploded and shards of glass
rained down on them. A wild looking man with long black hair had appeared
in their midst. He wore a long white robe and perched on his forehead was a
pair of glasses, each lens the size of saucers and the thickness of Coke cans.
He sat proudly on his heavy-duty chopper-style dual-carb Harley-Davidson
unicycle
"Mouse!"
Mouse surveyed the room Squinting a little. Music suddenly poured
out of stereo speakers mounted on his cycle, and to everyone's horror, he
began to sing.
"Whatever happened to Saturday night,
When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right?"
He leaned hi cycle on its kick stand and climbed off with a flourish.
"It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine."
"I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go,
And kick my but every time I proposed."
Suddenly out of nowhere a huge Panda bear appeared. The panda
smashed the cycle's speaker with a wooden sign.
Mouse turned. "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" "I was just
getting started."
The panda shoved the sign in his face it read "This is strictly a one-
song show."
The new arrival surveyed the room. "What have you done with my
darling shampoo?"
His eyes fell on a certain female across the room. "Shampoo! My love!"
He ran to her
<WHAM, WHAM, WHAM> Ukyo smashed Mousse to the ground
with her spatula.
Mousse stood up and put his glasses on "Who are you, you are not my
darling Shampoo."
Finally mousse found his quarry across the room "Shampoo!"
Mousse ran to her.
Shampoo was standing under a series of pipes protruding from the
ceiling above them hung a sign marked 'Jusenkyo water and curse company'.
As Mousse ran under the pipes towards Shampoo, Voodoo Spike pulled one of
dozens of levers mounted on a nearby wall.
Water rained down on Mousse
<QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!>
Where Mousse had been moments before there now stood a white
duck wearing Mousses glasses.
Kodachi look thoughtful for a moment "well doesn't this bring back
memories oh, he had a certain naive charm, but no muscle..."
Kodachi turned back to Ranma.
"Uh, Kodachi, honey, I think you left out something when you put
him together."
Kodachi looked over Ranma, carefully checking him out from head to
toe. She pulled the top of his briefs open and peered inside "Don't be silly
he's perfect."
"What about this?" Ukyo held up a jar filled with pink liquid and
something unrecognizable floating inside. The label read 'Contents: one
brain'.

******
******

There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is
but a figment of the imagination. If this is so, then Ryouga and Akane are
quite safe, ... however, the sudden departure of their host...and her
creation...into the seclusion of her somber bridal suite had left them feeling
both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew as the other guests
departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms.

There was only one word to describe the bedroom into Akane was
shown by the spatula wielding domestic. The word, pink. The room had
pink walls, pink curtains, and in the center sat a huge four poster canopy
bed,
there where stuffed animals every where.
Akane had just sat down on the bed (next to the cutest little stuffed
black piglet) when there came a knock on the door.
"Who is it? Who's there?"
"It's me, Ryouga."
"Oh, Ryouga , come in.
Ryouga opened the door, the light was dim and Akane could barely
see him.
Ryouga sat down next to her on the bed and began to kiss her
passionately.
"Oh, Ryouga."
Akane wrapped her arms around Ryouga and ran her hands through
his hair. As she pulled him to her his hair came off in her hands, it was a
wig
"What the hell?" "OHH! Oh it's you!" Akane realized she was holding
Kodachi to her.
"I'm afraid so, Akane, but isn't it nice..."
"Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Ryouga?"
"Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?"
"You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never..."
"Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really
found
it quite pleasurable."
"Oh, stop...I mean help...Ryouga Ryouga!..Oh Ryouga!!"
Kodachi caressed Akane "Shhh. Ryouga's probably asleep by now. Do
you want him to see you like...This!"
Akane realized she was half naked, Kodachi had managed to get her shirt
open and her bra off
" Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... I was saving myself..."
"Well, I'm sure you're not SPENT yet..."
"Promise you won't tell Ryouga?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die..."
Akane lay back and accepted Kodachi's embrace.

****
If Akane's room was meant to show perfect femininity then the room
into which the purple haired Chinese girl brought Ryouga was meant to show
overblown masculinity. The walls where black, the furniture leather and
chrome, a leopard skin rug lay on the floor.
Ryouga sat down on the edge of the (water) bed. Someone knocked
on the door.
"Who's there?"
"It's me, Akane."
"Ak.. Akane!, come in!"
The door opened slowly, Akane stood in the doorway the bright light
of the hallway shining through her nightgown, making her appear almost
naked.
Ryouga's nose started to bleed profusely.
Akane climbed on to the bed next to him "Oh, Ryouga we shouldn't
stay here. It'll destroy us."
"Don't worry Akane, I'll protect you, and we'll leave in the
morning."
Akane wrapped her arms around Ryouga "Oh, Ryouga you're so
strong and protective."
Lightening flashed outside the window clearly illuminating the dark
room for a moment. Ryouga realized he was holding Kodachi.
"YOU!"
"I'm afraid so, Ryouga, but isn't it nice..."
"Why YOU! What have you done with Akane?"
"Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?"
"You tricked me, I wouldn't have...I've never never...never..."
"Oh Yes yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half
bad, I
think you really quite enjoyed it."
Kodachi ran her hand over Ryouga's chest "Oh... so firm..."
"Stop it...stop it...oh Akane...AKANE!"
"Shhh! Akane's probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you...
like this!"
"Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought you
were her!"
"Oh come on, Ryouga, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no
crime in giving yourself over to pleasure, Ryouga. Oh Ryouga, you've wasted
so much time already...Akane needn't know, I won't tell."
"Well, promise you won't tell..."
"On my mother's grave...."
<KLANG> <KLANG> <KLANG>

A klaxon went off and Voodoo spike's voice came over the loud
speaker "Mistress, Ranma has broken his disappeared. The new playmate is
loose and somewhere on the grounds. Ukyo has just released Mr. green
turtle."
Kodachi raised herself off of Ryouga. "Mmmmm? Coming!"

After Kodachi had left her Akane, had stumbled out of her room bewildered
and confused, without even realizing it she had stumbled back into Kodachi's
lab.
"What's happening here? Where's Ryouga? Where's anybody? Oh,
how could I have done this! Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... if
only
we hadn't gotten that flat... oh, if only we were amongst friends... Or sane
persons, Ryouga, what have they done with him...
Akane looked around the room and noticed a closed circuit TV set.
After fiddling with the controls for awhile she eventually located Ryouga; who
was in bed with Kodachi, Ryouga has a stoned look on his face and Kodachi is
smoking a cigar. "Oh, God, Ryouga what have you done?"
Akane was about to leave when from behind the tank she heard the
sounds of someone in pain. She looked and was surprised to find Ranma,
huddled there, his body covered in bites and scratches
"Oh, but you're hurt...Did they do this to you? Here, I'll dress your
wounds... baby there..."

Akane was not aware that every move within this castle was being
observed by two curious pairs of eyes. Ukyo and Shampoo, having finished
their duties for the evening where relaxing in there room in one of the
mansions many towers. Though the castle came fully equipped with satellite
TV and all the pay channels, their television monitor was wired into the
house security system, and with camera's in every room there was always
something going on that was much more interesting than anything cable had
to offer.

Having located a medicine cabinet in the Lab Akane began to
medicate and bandage the injured Ranma. For the first time in her life, she
found herself in an excellent state to carefully examine a nearly perfect male
specimen, and despite her standard complaints about hating boys, she found
herself enjoying it immensely.
"You know Ranma this castle is really an interesting experience
before coming here I'd never even kissed before."

"I'd never even kissed before."
Shampoo spit a mouthful of wine over the TV in shock.
Ukyo's eyes became as big a saucers.
"she no mean..."
" 'fraid so sugar, it looks like or little Akane could be the guest of
honor at a fertility ceremony, or catch a Unicorn even"
"Wow, Shampoo never new there where any of those left."
"There aren't it just a metaphor."
"Not Unicorn stupid spatula girl, Shampoo mean Virgin."
Ukyo went back to polishing her toenails.

Akane had finished with the bandages and was just staring at Ranma,
now her hands on his chest. "Oh well" she thought, "I was going to lose it
eventually" she pushed Ranma down into a horizontal position...

Meanwhile, Kodachi was Dragging Voodoo spike down the hall by
his ear. Cracking her whip as the went. "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
More!, More!"
Kodachi was furious and in no mood to play "How did it happen? I
understood you were to be watching!"
Voodoo spike realized that his mistress was furious and in no mood
to play. "I was only away for a minute...mistress"
"Well, see if you can find him on the monitor."
A small black box in Voodoo Spike's jacket began to beep incessantly
"Mistress, mistress...we have a visitor."
Kodachi released Voodoo Spike who reached into his jacket and
pulled out the box, which had a small TV in it.
The "visitor" was a handsome man with glasses, short brown hair and
a friendly face, he was oddly barefoot and dressed in a loose black outfit
that
was bone dry despite the torrential rains outside.
Ryouga peeked over their shoulders into the screen and instantly
recognized the man . "Hey, Dr. Tofu!"
Voodoo spike turned to glare at Ryouga "You know this earthling
...person?"
"I most certainly do!"
Kodachi gave him a suspicious look. "I see. So this wasn't simply a
chance meeting. You came here with a purpose."
"I told you, we had a flat. I was telling the truth."
"I know what you told me...but this Dr. Tofu, his name is not
unknown to me."
"He has a practice in Nerima near the Tendo Dojo."
Kodachi glared at Ryouga, "That is just a cover, he works for your
government, he's attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you
call
UFO's"
"That's impossible."

"The intruder is entering the building, mistress."
"He'll probably be... in the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in
person?"
"Great Tofu!"
The "Zen" room Was just a little past the front door, in the opposite
direction that Ryouga and Akane had been lead. It had a sunken floor in the
middle filled with a Japanese Zen sandgarden.
Doctor Tofu waited there for them.
"Kodachi Kuno, we meet at last."
"Dr. Tofu, I presume, Or should I call You agent 409?"
Dr. Tofu noticed Ryouga. "Ryouga! What are you doing here?"
"Don't play games, Dr. Tofu. You know perfectly well what Ryouga
Hibiki is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his
female should check the layout for you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the
plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Dr. Tofu; I know Ryouga is."
Dr. Tofu was surprised at Ryouga's appearance "I can assure you that
Ryouga's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came here to
find Mouse."
Ryouga spoke up at this "Mouse! I've seen him!"
Kodachi was less then thrilled at Ryouga's enthusiasm "Mouse!
What do you know of Mouse, Dr. Tofu?"
"I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see Mouse
happens to be my nephew."
Akane arm in arm with Ranma walked in on them at this point "Ah!"
As surprised as Dr. Tofu was at seeing Ryouga, he was doubly so at
seeing Akane "Akane!"
Akane stared at Dr. Tofu with stunned surprise "Dr. Tofu!, what are
you doing Here?"
Ryouga saw Akane With Ranma "Akane!"
"Ryouga!"
Kodachi looked at Ranma with Akane "Ranma!"
"Akane!"
"Dr. Tofu!"
"Akane!"
(By this point even I have no idea who's doing what.)
"Ryouga!"
"Ranma!"
"Akane!"
"Dr. Tofu!"
"Akane!"
"Ryouga!"
Ranma!"
Kodachi pulled Ranma away from Akane." "Listen...I made
you...and I can break you just as easily."
Ukyo stepped in at this point "Mistress, dinner is prepared!"
"Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional."

A few minutes later everyone assembled in the dining room. Once
everyone had been seated and served Kodachi raised her glass.
"A toast... to absent friends..."
"To absent friends."
Kodachi Turned to Ranma seated next to her and placed upon his
head a paper party hat.
"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear
Ranma..."
Ukyo served dinner.
Dr. Tofu stared at his plate for a moment, like it might jump up and
attack at any moment "We came here to discuss Mouse."
"Mouse?!"
Kodachi finished her duck and reached for more "That's a rather
tender subject. Another slice of roast duck anyone?"
Shampoo stood up "Excuse me..."
Dr. Tofu started to speak " I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it
was worse than I imagined...Aliens!"
Ranma looked up from his plate "Hmm?"
Ryouga & Akane looked a little stunned "Aliens?"
Kodachi looked back at Dr. Tofu, slightly annoyed "Go on, Dr.
Tofu."
So Dr. began to relate his tale.
" From the day he was born He was trouble. He left home the day his
mother died.
From the day she was gone All he wanted was dark magic and a
certain purple haired beauty."
Kodachi looked a little teary "What a guy!"
Akane sniffed a little "Makes you cry."
Shampoo stood up in anger "You no try to blame Shampoo, Shampoo
have nothing to do with stupid Mouse."
Dr. Tofu cleared his throat, "If I may continue?,"
Shampoo sat down, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I received a note from Mouse, it read "I'm out of my head, hurry, or
I
may be dead. They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.""
Kodachi carved more slices of meat; the cutting moved the duck
revealing a pair of thick glasses.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! Akane screamed; Turned to
Ranma.
"Ranma! How dare you!"
Ranma and Akane ran from the room; Kodachi and Ryouga pursued.
They ran through the house, finally they where cornered in the lab.
Kodachi glared triumphantly at them "Now I have you, my pretties."
Kodachi reached to her left and pulled several levers at random .
The threesome where drenched, where Ryouga, Akane, and Ranma
stood there where now a white duck, a small black pig, and an attractive
young woman.
"That will be quite enough of that!" Doctor Tofu appeared, seemingly
out of nowhere bearing a teapot.
After applying hot water the small black
piglet turned back into Akane (Got you, didn't I!) The duck turned into Ranma
and the redhead didn't change at all.
"What gives? Where's Ryouga?"
After a brief search a semi-conscious, soaking wet, Ryouga was
located behind a piece of lab equipment.
"Oooh, my head. What hit me?"
"I think I did." the young woman spoke for the first time.
Ryouga grabbed her by the collar "What did you do that for?"
"Hey, don't yell at me I was just trying to fix a stopped up drain
pipe
on the roof, next thing I know I'm down here and some idiot's trying to boil
me!"
Kodachi put her hands to her temples. "This is giving me such a
pain. Ranko! Get back to work."
The redhead left, mumbling under her breath "Wet behind the ears
mad scientist."
"now then, Where were we?"
Dr. Tofu stood up "You where about to reveal your maniacal plot,
followed by the usual It-doesn't-matter-because-you'll-soon-be-dead speech."
"Oh, yes, well, I'm going to use my sonic transducer(tm) to turn
everyone on this pitiful little planet to dust. all but you four who I'm just
going to keep as pets."
"You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This
sonic transducer...it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-
molecular transport device?"
Ryouga looked at dr. Tofu "I have no idea what you just said."
"it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some
time. But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A
device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then altering its
form into anything."
Kodachi laughed "Anything, or nothing, and there's nothing you can
do to stop me"
"This had really gone far enough, it's time for all of you to come
home"
Everyone turned to see who had spoken. In one corner of the room
was a pretty Japanese woman leaning against the wall.
"Who are you." Akane asked.
"I'm you're creator, and this has simply gone on to far."
(Hey! you can't do that, I'm not finished!)
"There my characters, I can do what I want."
One by One the characters begin to vanish
(But, but, but.)
"Now your making motor boat noises."
(I'm not through, they haven't defeated Kodachi!)
"The way you're going I doubt they ever will, besides this film's
never
had a real ending, it just sort of seems to leave off"
(But this isn't fair! Aw come on, don't leave!)
"Sorry, you've had your fun, just END"

Authors last words: (you're going to kill me for this aren't you?)

I'm still not quite satisfied with the end, but the RHPS just gets so freaking
weird at the end (and the beginning, and the middle.) I will probably do
another draft later.

C and C welcome

Does anyone have any idea what happened to the Fanfic mailing list?

xande...@hotmail.com
d_wh...@geocities.com
swhi...@viptx.net

my homepages are still under construction so no address just yet.