[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 5
Calum Wallace
I'm not taking the blame for it any more! It's not my fault, it never was
and it never will be! Er - what was 景t'?
Beware, this fic contains MAJOR quantities of swearing.
Well, I'm back. BT have finally got my fone operating. Stand by for some
慶atching up'... five episodes inbound!
Haha, I have finally brought my old hard drive back to life (see episode 1
for a description of the wipeout which cause this, Biker 1/2 Mark 3) which
is good as my other 稽ajor work' Burning Inside may finally see the light of
day... And it gives me something to think about when I've got writer's block
on Biker 1/2. A change is as good as a rest, as they say. Unfortunately I'm
going to have to rewrite book 1 of my third work (All Creatures) since it's
been completely trashed, but at east I managed to save most of book 2 and 3.
Ah well, on with the show.
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Chapter 5: You Can't Make Me Change My Mind
"Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!" - Rage Against The Machine, 桑illing
In The Name Of'
************************************
Genma stared at Shampoo.
"Er - Ranma - Is this who I think she is and if so exactly what the fuck's
going on around here?"
Ranma sniggered and fell over. "Urp. Fuggit. Fuggoff fatty it ain't none o'
yer fuggin' business."
Ryoga groaned. "Waddya mean, Dad?"
"Ranma, is this that Chinese Amazon?"
Ranma belched. "Urp. Nunna yer fuggin' business... yeah."
"So what the fuck's going on?"
Akane groaned and explained. By the end of her explanation both Soun and
Genma were shaking their heads.
"No. No fucking way, son! This is not going to work!"
"Fuck you! I'm gonna - urp - do what I damn well like!"
Ryoga groaned. "Dad, mind your own business. You and Mr. Tendo's deal is
gonna go through. Just be satisfied with that."
"No try ta calm th' bastards down, Ryoga - hic - fuggit - hic - now I - hic
- gotten fuggin' - hic - hiccups!"
"Shaddup Ranma you're pissed."
"Sho - I mean so - wot?"
Genma thumped the table.
"Goddamnit, Ranma! Listen to me!"
He froze. So did Soun.
Soun frowned. "Er - Akane - where the hell did you get that gun from?"
Akane cocked her .44 and clenched both hands on the pistol grip.
"I made it. Now, mind your own fucking business if you like your heads!"
Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome started nodding wildly. The teenagers headed
upstairs.
Genma waited until he was sure they were gone.
"Well, that's torn it."
"Er - Genma - what're we going to do about that Amazon?"
"I've got a few ideas, Tendo. Just a few."
Genma started to cackle evilly.
"Oooh, I can't wait till Akira hears about this! That Amazon's gonna be dead
meat!"
"Just as long as we ain't dead meat, Saotome."
************************************
Ranma woke up as early as ever. He opened his eyes and stared at the
ceiling.
He was boxed in from both sides by warm shapes. His left hand was nestling
in his crotch as ever. It always ended up there when he went to sleep.
And he had a raging erection. He leant across the person to his left - once
more the purple hair gave him a slight shock - and found his leather jacket
and ashtray. He extracted a cigarette and his lighter and sat half up.
Akane mumbled something from his right as he lit up. Shampoo let out a
stifled yawn then a surprised remembering noise.
"Mornin', Amazon warrior woman."
She sighed. "Xian Pu not just Amazon."
"Same as I'm not just a shitkicker."
"Morning, Ranma."
"Mornin', Akane."
Akane found her fags and fished her .44 out of under her pillow. She stuffed
it down the side of the mattress.
Ranma glanced at Shampoo.
"What's th' gun on yer leg?"
"Is Makarov. I attacked too many night to not keep gun."
Akane yawned and lit up her smoke. "You should keep it under your pillow.
It's safer that way."
"I is often not have pillow. Just blanket."
"What - ya don't even have a bivvy bag?"
"What bivvy bag be?"
"Army sleepin' bag. Me an' Dad usta use 憩m out on the road. Keeps the cold
offa ya better than a civvy sleepin' bag."
Shampoo sighed. "Is not be room in pack. Xian Pu keep weapons in pack."
"You've gotten yer AK with ya?"
"Is so. Not be go nowhere without machinegun."
Akane climbed over the others and fished her M60 out of her underwear draw.
"Check this beast out then!"
************************************
Kasumi swayed into the kitchen and turned on the stereo. She headbanged for
a bit then started cooking.
Clumping feet told her Ranma the Walking Dustbin was approaching.
"Like, morning Ranma man... you ain't off on your bike?"
"Naw, it's a two seater. Can't fit all o' us."
Kasumi looked confused. Then Akane and Shampoo came into the kitchen.
"Like, morning dudes. Like, who's this?"
"I Xian Pu."
"Yeah, an' due to a fuckup I'm married to her. Don't worry - it's under a
different set o' laws so I'm gonna marry Akane under our set o' laws, see?"
Kasumi nodded. "Groovy, man. Free love... That's so cool - so I'll need to
kinda make more breakfast, yeah?"
Ranma nodded. "Somethin' like that."
"I dig, man. That's cool."
************************************
Nabiki yawned and turned on her laptop. She stared blankly at the startup
screen and gulped down her Coke. By the time the computer had booted up her
reasoning functions were back on line.
She clicked through to the newsreader, typed in the decryption key and read
the answers to her posts.
"Oh, fuck!"
************************************
Genma watched Shampoo very carefully all through breakfast.
The Chinese Amazon seemed to be unsure how to react to anything. She was
carefully polite at all times. She seemed bedazzled by Ranma, watching his
every move intently.
She also kept an eye on Akane. Genma sensed complete fascination from the
girl. He could normally pick up fairly well on anybody's emotions, but the
strength he received from Shampoo totally threw him.
Maybe, just maybe, everything would work out.
************************************
Ranma slouched into the garden. Akane, Shampoo and Ryoga were hot on his
heels.
He glimpsed Nabiki riding off on her father's bike.
"Funny - didn't know Nabiki could ride."
Akane frowned. "Huh? She can't - well, she's had a few shots round the
garden but that's it."
"Well, she just rode off on yer dad's old CB250."
"Dad's not going to be very happy about that."
Kasumi grinned at them as she swayed out of the house.
"Like, see you dudes later. I gotta go shopping, dig?"
Akane rolled her eyes. "Don't roadkill anyone."
Kasumi giggled and climbed into her Corvette. She fired the engine and did a
burnout out of the driveway followed by a handbrake turn to get the car
facing in the right direction.
Shampoo stared after her. "She drive like much loony!"
"Yeah, that car's known as the self-propelled road hazard round here."
Akane nodded. "She pulls G's in that thing."
Shampoo looked blank. "Er - what mean 隈ees'?"
"Acelleratin' hard enough that inertia produces a gravity effect straight
backwards. My bike hits around five or six G's. That's why I strap
passengers to myself - to stop them flyin' offa the back."
"Kasumi's car hits four G's. If she's feeling crazy - which is most of the
time. Word to the wise - never accept an offer of a lift from Kasumi." Akane
paused for effect. "She thinks pulling G's is fun."
Ranma frowned. "It is - if you're drivin'. It's prime shit-it material if
you're a passenger."
"Well... I suppose so..."
************************************
Nabiki knocked on the door of the Kuno mansion.
A short - arse wrinkled figure answered it.
"Hello, Ms. Tendo. How can I help you?"
"Hello, Sasuke... I have information I believe Tatewaki may find useful."
************************************
Once Nabiki had gone Kuno grabbed a drawing pad and started doodling. He
found he always thought better while drawing.
"Akane Tendo. Ranma Saotome. And now this Shampoo person... what will that
blasted boy think of next?" He paused "I shall have to do something about
him and that psychotic lesbian slut."
His sister walked into the room. With each step she swayed violently to the
left, giving her walk a shambling look that belied her true agility.
"Good morning, dear brother."
"Good morning, Kodachi. Are you well?"
Kodachi sighed. "As well as ever."
Kuno patted the couch next to himself and tossed his drawing pad away.
"Come, sit down. The servants will have breakfast ready in a moment. Let us
sit together, dear sister."
Kodachi sighed and sat down beside him.
"You don't need to try to cheer me up, Tatewaki. It won't work."
Kuno sighed. "But still I must try, for you and I are of one blood."
Kodachi smiled slightly. "I do appreciate it."
"Then I shall never give up, Kodachi."
Kodachi nodded. Her smile had vanished again. Kuno stifled another sigh as
he remembered the tragic day four years ago - the day of the beach buggy
crash. Before that Kodachi had been vibrant, graceful and lived her life in
a dazzle of happiness. Then their father took them to Hawaii and they rented
a sandrail.
The snapped axle could have happened to anyone - it was bad luck and poor
maintenance. But the broken metal flew up and severed part of the rollcage.
As the vehicle flipped over the sturdy metal frame was crushed and Kodachi
got hit.
When she woke up three days later - after being resuscitated five times -
she was told she would never be able to use her left hand again. She would
never be able to walk properly again.
It had been crushing. She and Tatewaki had never got on that well - before
the crash. While their father went on an alcohol binge Tatewaki insisted on
taking care of Kodachi himself.
After all, she was his sister. It was the least he could do for the girl who
was born of the same mother on the same day as himself.
Tatewaki picked up the T.V. remote.
"I understand that there is a good movie on in a few minutes. Shall we watch
it?"
Kodachi nodded. "Might as well."
************************************
Ranma stared at the road as it streamed past under him. White Zombie on the
bike's stereo. The bellow of the engine. The whine from the supercharger.
Shampoo and Akane perched on the seat which he had spent most of the morning
extending. It didn't come any better than this.
He pulled up at the park entrance, parked the bike and let the girls off,
turned off the stereo and locked a hefty piece of chain through both wheels
and the frame.
They ambled over to the nearby pond. Ranma stayed well clear of the water.
"Okay, we're here. Let's doss!"
He flung himself full length on the ground and fished a six pack of beercans
out of his pack. "Here, have a pint."
Shampoo nodded and opened one. Akane followed suit.
She shook her head. "Well - what a fucking life, huh?"
"Could be worse. Could always be worse."
Shampoo snorted. "Is so."
A tall and good - looking teenage girl dressed in a denim jacket and jeans
limped through the gateway. She stopped beside Ranma's bike and started
examining it.
Ranma grinned. "Hey! Quite a machine, ain't she?"
The girl looked up. "This is your motorcycle?"
Ranma nodded. He stood up and walked over.
"I put her together outta wrecks - stuff outta scrapyards. The motor an'
frame came outta one that'd failed it's MOT. Rest o' the bits came offa
seven junkers - couldn't believe me eyes when I found the blower. Some
twit慧 binned his bike an' lobbed a perfectly good supercharger. The nitrous
was a 1200 Bandit set - I adapted it ta fit the Gixer's carbs. It started
off pretty near stock then I just couldn't stop tunin' it. I hafta make a
new set o' pistons an' conrods an' a new crank every week but damn is it
worth it! She puts out near 400 brake horse at the crank, somewhere near 360
at the back wheel."
The girl sighed. "I wish I could learn to ride a motorcycle."
"Huh? Why cantcha?"
She smiled sadly and raised her left arm. 栗 cannot use my left hand."
Ranma looked at her hand. It was half clenched in an unnatural looking
position and obviously atrophied.
"Shit - what happened?"
"I was nearly killed when I rolled a sandrail after it's front axle snapped
and smashed part of the rollcage. That is why I limp so - several tendons in
my leg were severely damaged."
Ranma looked at her thoughtfully. She looked depressed.
"That don't mean you can't ride. I once met a dude who's right arm's missin'
at the shoulder an' he rides a turbo Blackbird. You can get th' controls
adapted to fit on one bar an' a steerin' damper. You look a bit lop-sided,
but what the hell. It's a ride, huh? An' from the way yer standin' it's yer
knee that's buggered up so you'd be able to work a gearshift no trouble -
you use ankle motions to change gear."
The girl stared at him. "Truly?"
"Yeah, it's a bit harder than ridin' a normal setup since yer right hand
hasta do that much more, but hey - it ain't impossible. A Blackbird's the
fastest stocker they make. Turbo it an' it's stark starin' mad. An' if some
dude can ride that with his left arm ya can ride with yer right hand, huh?"
He fished a leaflet out of his pocket. "Here, you'll find an address where
they can convert a bike an' you can get ridin' lessons. If you're gonna go
for it join JABD."
"Huh?"
"Japanese Association for Bikers with a Disability. A lotta people've picked
up real nasty injuries from bein' hit by cars - JABD is run by a crew who
got together an' went 掲uck it we're still bikers'. They forced the
government ta allow people with missin' feet, one arm an' so on ta get bike
licenses. Me an' Dad help 憩m with fundraisin' a lot - me grandfather wuz
killed when a car hit him head on so Dad does stuff fer JABD in his memory."
The girl nodded and pocketed the leaflet.
"Thankyou."
"No prob. The more bikers an' the less car drivers the better far as I'm
concerned."
Akane whistled at him. "Hey! Ranma! Gissahand!"
Ranma nodded. "I'll be over in a sec." He smiled at the girl. "Ya look
pretty down - might as well just go for it, huh? Yer still alive so the
world ain't got ya yet, huh?"
She smiled. "Thankyou."
Shampoo ambled over as Ranma went back over to where Akane was sitting.
She smiled at the sad girl. "Is you martial artist?"
"Huh? Yes - I do a bit of Kung Fu."
Shampoo nodded. "Is thinking you walk like martial artist, no?"
"Even with my limp?"
"I see worse limp before. Is not so bad - I is know people who hardly able
to stand. Wu Chii got AK47 bullet in knee. Not able walk in straight line,
but still warrior."
The girl smiled slightly. "I suppose it could be far, far worse."
"Is so. You still able walk. Not like you in wheelchair, no?"
"Yeah... Say, I don't know any of your names?"
"I Xian Pu, him be Ranma Saotome. She Akane Tendo. You be?"
"I am Kodachi Kuno."
Ranma and Akane looked up from their fiddling with Akane's geometry
homework.
"Say, are you any relation to Tatewaki Kuno?"
"Indeed - he is my twin brother. Do you know him?"
"Yeah, we know him from school."
Kodachi frowned. "He was saying something about a biker with an impressive
machine... apparently he is at loggerheads with this biker."
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, Akane's bisexual an' he don't like that, th' fuckhead.
He kept on tryin' ta work her over - so I told him exactly where ta get off
the only way he seemed ta understand. Hey, she's my fiancee - d'ya blame
me?"
Kodachi shook her head. "My brother has always had a distinct chip on his
shoulder - and he very rarely gives up on anything."
"Yeah, I beat him up a couple o' times then hadta bust his arm fer him. Only
way I could think o' ta get th' point across."
Kodachi nodded. "That is simply my brother for you... I am afraid he is
quite disturbed - he was in the car during the accident in which our mother
died and the experience unhinged him somewhat."
Ranma nodded. "That explains that - but it don't make it any less worse. Any
chance o' seein' if ya can get him ta lay offa Akane?"
Kodachi nodded. "I will try... but beware. He has a shotgun."
"He's gotten a shooter? Aw great, that's all I fuckin' need!"
************************************
Ryoga stared at Ranma.
"Kuno's got what?"
"He's got a shotgun. His sister reckon's he might decide ta blow me an'
Akane's heads off with it. She said she's gonna lean on him a bit - but,
well."
Akane sighed. "Ranma, can you use a gun?"
"Akane, I've been ta Afghanistan. You name it I can shoot it. Handguns,
sub-machine guns, assault rifles, machine guns..."
She nodded. "I've got a spare shooter - Browning GP35. I think we'd better
all carry guns."
"9MM semi-auto, right? I'd prefer a .357 or .44 Magnum. More in the way o'
stoppin' power, right?"
"Hang on, hang on, hang on. Are you two so sure it's gonna go that far?"
"Ryoga, I don't know. But sure as shit an' pigs I'm gonna find out -
eventually."
Ryoga nodded. "I suppose so."
"Look, we gotta find out what Kuno's plannin'."
Akane sniggered. "I know how to find out."
"Huh? How? Ask the shitface?"
"No - ask Nabiki. What she don't know isn't worth knowing."
"Nabiki? She strikes me as a outright bookie but that's it."
"If you want to know it Nabiki either knows or can find out."
Ranma nodded slowly. "Right. Yer dad's bike's back - let's go chat with
her."
They trooped up to Nabiki's bedroom. Ranma banged the door open.
Nabiki hastily closed and encrypted the document she was working on.
"Do you lot have to charge in here?"
"We need some info, Nabiki. We wuz talkin' ta Kuno's sister - she tells us
he's got a shotgun. How about findin' out if he plans to blow me an' Akane's
brains out?"
Nabiki paused. "You what?"
"You know as well as I do the creep hates Akane's guts. And he's got a gun."
"Fuck!" Nabiki grabbed her mobile phone and dialled a long number. She
waited for a moment then talked to someone in a very quiet voice.
She listened to the somebody's answer then pocketed the phone.
"Excuse me, you lot. He's got a shotgun license - I've got someone to
blackmail. I'll be back later."
She charged out. Once again her father's bike spluttered into life and she
rode off on it.
Ranma watched her go. He narrowed his eyes.
"Stupid of her ta leave her laptop booted up. Let's see what she wuz workin'
on."
"Er - Ranma, she encrypted it."
"Yeah? If the encryption an' decryption keys are the same it's no bother. I
got an excellent short - term memory." He opened the file and typed the key
in.
"Bingo - aw, fuck."
"What?"
"She's written it in Cryllic."
Like, later dudes.
NOTES
I think 経h fuck' is the term right enough.
JABD is an imaginary version of the British charity NABD (National
Association for Bikers with a Disability) These guys are the best thing
since superchargers.
Yes there are people who ride with one arm due to injuries. The guy with a
Turbo Blackbird and no right arm is a real person. He's Dutch but I can't
remember his name. His bike has a one-sided handlebar and a steering damper.
Next - Nabiki takes on the entire Kendo club and wins (!) One Big Fuck Off
Truck and Enter Nodoko Saotome!
C and C very welcome, please either send it to dog...@ratbike.org or post
it on rec.arts.anime.fandom (which seems to be the accepted route anyway.)
Please don't send it to the virgin.net account as I am about to change ISP.
Thanks again to everyone who thinks Biker 1/2 is a good thing. Several of
you raised very good points (such as the guy who mused on the possibility of
mixing motorbikes and ki attacks - nice idea, wish I'd thought of it!)
you've all been a great help. I am told the 茎mart caps' is fouling up on
some people's newsreaders - it certainly didn't work on the TASS fanfic
archive! Dunno about the main RAAC archive though, my web browser refused to
download anything from it.
Finally, sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out. Blame British
Telecom - I had the winter's dose of phone line faults (downright annoying,
that) and couldn't connect for ages (let anone get a phone call out - I
ended up using a mate's mobile to complain) Now you know why I'm posting a
string of episodes at one go.
Sayonara and all that, I'll be back.
Calum 慧oghead' Wallace
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's 経ff' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.