[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 4
Calum Wallace
It's still my fault. Some thing never change.
What no rant? Here we go again
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Warning, major swearing alert. Explicit language and all that.
Chapter 4 - The Plot Thickens.
"Look, I know the supernatural is something which isn't supposed to happen
but it does happen." - White Zombie, intro voiceover to 郡uper Charger
Heaven'
************************************
Ranma opened her eyes. She immediately sensed a large warm shape laying on
her arm. Just as she was about to kick her father into the stratosphere she
realised who the person who was laying on her arm was, who's hand was laying
on her chest. It was Akane. Ranma stared at the girl.
She slipped her other hand away from her own crotch (a place it always crept
to when she was asleep, male or female) and ran her fingers along Akane's
face.
Akane opened her eyes and stared at Ranma.
"Hey - I'm gonna go for a blat... wanna come?"
"A blat?"
"Early mornin' ride goin' nowhere real fast."
Akane nodded. "Yeah..."
Ranma sat up and fished around in her leathers. She found a cigarette and
lit up.
"Aahh... that's better. First fag o' the day always clears yer head."
Akane smiled slightly. She fished a smoke out of her trenchcoat and joined
him.
They sat and smoked in companionable silence for several minutes before
pulling on their clothes and heading out to Ranma's bike.
************************************
Shampoo walked silently down the street. She could feel the heavy shape of
her Makarov against her leg making it's comforting presence felt.
As well as the mission her crazy old bat great - grandmother had sent her on
she had a more personal crusade to fulfil. She shoved her hand into the
pocket with the missing bottom thus resting it on her handgun and turned the
corner.
With her other hand she fished out the sketch map Wu Chii had given her -
the map to the place where her mother had died.
She stopped outside the rundown bar and found her spraycan. A few swift
motions and the acid within burnt into the brickwork, leaving a permanent
memorial to the Amazon who had died under the Japanese secret service's guns
there seven years before.
Shampoo turned and headed for the graveyard. As she stepped back round the
corner a blaze of light caught her, the staccato howl of a motorbike engine
swept past and thundered away leaving only a black mark on the tarmac where
it had skidded slightly round the corner.
Shampoo stared after it. It sounded exactly like the bike she had been
tracking - the bike which led her up a blind alley.
She sighed.
"<I wish I could be like them.>"
She should have been more careful - sometimes you get what you wish for.
************************************
Ranma and Akane arrived home as Kasumi was calling everyone for breakfast.
They walked inside. Ranma was still female.
They ate their breakfast in silence then went outside to the bike. The
engine was still cooling, emitting a sharp clicking sound.
Ranma smiled slightly and changed himself back with water from the radiator.
They climbed aboard and rode off to school.
************************************
Kuno stood and shifted his weight to his other leg. He was worried - how had
that greasy biker managed to take him down so fast?
A doppler howl announced said biker thundering up the street and into the
schoolyard. But there was another bike behind him, it's engine emitting a
whine like a helicopter. The two machines pulled up by the bicycle shelter.
Ranma pulled off his crash helmet and glared around.
"Okay, you Kendo fuckwits! This has gone far enough."
He swept an angry glare around Kuno's cronies.
"Yesterday afternoon one of you slashed a teenage girl in the breast. It's a
six - inch long cut and around three inches deep - she had to have stitches.
The next man who so much as draws a weapon against her dies. With my fuckin'
Bowie knife in his throat. Do you goons get me?"
Ryoga pulled off her lid. "Fuck with my brother's girlfriend again and
you'll have all three of us down on you - with Ranma first and worst. You're
looking at a guy who's wrestled a large black bear and won. At age twelve."
She reached up and tore a bracing strut out of the bicycle shelter with one
hand.
"And I'm a fair bit stronger than him." She bent the strut - an inch thick
steel rod - double then ripped it in two.
Kuno's gang filtered back into the school. They refused to meet his eyes as
they passed. Akane glared at the kendoist.
"Give it up, Kuno! You're finished!"
Kuno calmly drew his sword. Not a bokken - a katana.
"It is you who are finished, dyke. You do not have the assistance of Miss
Wade today - I will face and -"
Ranma fired his bike up. "Akane, get off. I'm gonna rip off his head an'
shit down his scrawny little neck!"
He aimed the bike at Kuno and started doing a burnout. Akane realised that
he had changed his tyres - they were now studded with two - inch steel
spikes.
Kuno readied himself to face the charge. Ranma dropped the clutch and
flashed past Kuno.
There was a whine and the sound of glass smashing as Ranma rode up the side
of the school, blowing out windows as he passed. He flipped the bike off the
wall and bore down on the back of Kuno's head. Kuno turned and tried to
sidestep, but Ranma somehow changed his bike's flightpath and the steel
frame smashed Kuno's sword out of his hands before the sumpcase slammed into
the unfortunate Kendoists face. Ranma slid the machine to a halt and charged
again.
Kuno grabbed his sword and jumped up. Blood was streaming from his nose.
Ranma's foot flashed out and disarmed Kuno again with an expert twist. He
kicked Kuno in the head and leapt from his bike, leaving it ticking over on
it's sidestand.
Kuno started to grab for his sword, but Ranma caught his wrist. Then Kuno
screamed and dropped to his knees, clutching his wrist with his other hand.
Akane stared. Kuno's right hand was the wrong way round.
Ranma grabbed a handful of Kuno's hair.
"If I ever hear of you callin' anyone anythin' like that again I'll rip yer
fuckin' balls off, Kuno. A guy who once called my brother a faggot ain't
livin' any more. You got off lightly, Kuno. You won't next time."
Kuno held his tongue. Thanks to Gary, he knew when he was beaten.
Ranma dropped the kendoist and went to park his bike.
************************************
That evening the trio headed for the nightclub Akane told Ranma and Ryoga
about.
They pulled up outside. There was a considerable number of bikes around -
mainly either scruffy CG125's or big, glittering cruisers. The two filthy
flat black ratbikes really stood out. Especially Ryoga's jet bike - but
then, it stood out anywhere.
Ranma and Ryoga locked their bikes then all three headed for the entrance,
crash helmets in hand. Ranma looked around the nightclub past the large form
of the doorkeeper. "Goth club, is it?" He made to walk inside.
"Ranma, cool it!" Akane shouted.
The bouncer grinned nastily. This was his favourite part of the job -
refusing people entry. He had to have a reason and this biker kid had given
him plenty enough reason.
"You ain't coming in here, boy."
Ranma sighed. "Akane, it's obvious a fuckhead like this ain't gonna let me
in."
"Ranma, this place is full of people who look like us! If you hadn't been so
stupid-"
"It don't matter no more, lady. Nobody calls me that and lives!"
Ranma shot him an astonished look.
"You? Kill me? How? That's awful strong language for a big pansie."
The bouncer went red in the face and tried to snap kick Ranma, who neatly
sidestepped and flipped the beefy man across the street, pile driving him
into the bonnet of a parked Ford Mondaeo.
"Well, I warned him. C'mon - let's go in."
Ryoga started laughing. Akane shook her head.
"You two are fucking bonkers!"
"Aye and we know it."
Across the street, a certain purple haired person turned and followed them
as they went inside and ploughed their way through the crowd to the bar.
Ranma leant across said bar. "Okay, three pint's o' Bud, mate. An' I think
you need a new bouncer - he tried to beat me up an' I'm a twelfth dan."
The barman nodded. He looked worried until he saw who was hanging on to
Ranma's arm.
"Crowded tonight, eh Akane?"
She nodded. "Sorry about your bouncer - where's Fermov?"
"He's got a touch of the flu and we had that guy temporary." He grinned at
Ranma. "Please don't break the bouncers - they're expensive."
Ranma snorted and paid for the beer. "As long as they don't try ta break
me."
He accepted the glasses and slid one along the bar to Ryoga. "Here ya go,
sis."
"Thanks, man."
Ranma handed the second to Akane and took a large swig from his own. "Ahh,
that's an improvement."
"Hey, Akane - your ex Hanako Shatori is in."
Akane rolled her eyes. "Oh, great. Just what I fucking needed..."
Ranma frowned. "Who's that?"
"My last girlfriend... she dumped me after I got too pissed and slept with
someone else. She's still got a chip on her shoulder about it."
"Well, she's gonna have a chip outta her shoulder if she tries messin' with
us..."
"Ranma, she's a whole lot better than me..."
"Sorry ta insult ya, but a lotta people're a whole lot better than you.
You're talkin' to one - me. And I somehow suspect this Hanako person ain't
trained as long as me. Ten years is a little extensive."
Akane's eyes widened slightly and she put her hand in the pocket Ranma knew
her .44 was hidden in.
"There she is."
Ranma turned round. An athletic leather - clad five foot six girl with short
cropped black hair was walking purposely towards them. She stopped well out
of arm's reach.
"Well, look who's here. It's the lying little nymphomaniac slut."
Ranma reached into his pocket and pulled out his two foot length of chain.
"Mind yer fuckin' tongue. Hanako Shitter I presume?"
The girl went red in the face. "How dare you twist my name like that!" She
pulled a long stiletto knife out of her pocket and started spinning it round
her fingers.
Ranma snorted and flipped his chain at her like a whip. A bloody weal
appeared on her hand and the knife slammed into the ceiling where it stuck,
quivering slightly.
"It's so fuckin' easy, insultin' people who slag off yer girlfriend. Sod
off, willya? I'm not looking for a fight but if that's what ya want..."
Ranma shrugged. "Well, ya got the fight o' yer fuckin' life comin'."
Hanako let out an angry snarl and jumped at them. This suited Ranma just
fine. He leapt and met her in mid air, blocking her leap and flipping her to
land flat on her back. She rolled neatly onto her feet.
Ranma grinned nastily and walloped her with the chain again. She swore and
caught it, letting it wind round her wrist. Ranma jerked the chain up,
flinging her ceilingwards. She caught onto a lighting bar as he jumped up to
join her. The length of chain spiralled down and smashed into the floor.
Ranma caught onto a lighting bar a small distance away from her. The music
thundered into life, Ministry's Jesus Built My Hot-Rod thundering from the
speakers.
The pulsing lights served to dazzle and confuse Hanako. This suited Ranma
perfectly. "A-OK. Let's dance, bitch."
He sprang from his lighting bar to the one she was hanging from . She
attempted to kick him away before he landed, but he seemed to slide round
her blow and landed neatly.
He winked at her and started kicking in time to the dementedly fast music.
The mixture of goths, metalheads, punks and bikers below roared their
approval.
************************************
Akane glanced around the floor. Around half the clubbers seemed to be
rooting for Ranma, who was clearly better than Hanako. The rest were a fifty
fifty split between cheering Hanako on and just watching with some interest.
Then she spotted the purple - haired figure. The girl she had seen in Dr.
Tofu's was now dressed in a baggy pink shirt and trousers with a wide blue
belt around her waist. She had what looked like a Chinese army pack on her
back and a katana hanging by her side. And she was watching the fight with
an amazed expression on her face.
Akane frowned. So this was the dreaded Chinese Amazon? So this was the girl
who was hunting Ranma with an AK47?
************************************
Ranma grinned as Hanako tried to kick him again. He kept up the tempo of his
kicks, turning aside each of her blows with ease.
He wanted to mock her, but there was little point - the music would drown
out any word he said. Finally she managed to land a blow and he somersaulted
away on the end of her kick. He grabbed onto another lighting bar and
flipped himself back towards her.
Hanako stared. How had he managed not to drop as he flew through the air? He
somehow seemed to flick himself upwards as she kicked him.
Then his foot flashed through her defence and caught her in the guts. She
tried to breathe as the ceiling receded and the floor came up and smacked
her in the back.
Ranma dropped neatly down and stared at the gasping girl. The music faded
into silence.
"If you ever fuckin' mess with me again I'll rip off yer head an' shit down
yer neck, bitch. Got it?"
Without waiting for an answer he swaggered back to where Akane and Ryoga
were standing, ignoring the applause as he went.
He leant against the bar beside Akane and grabbed his beer.
"Y'know, that Hanako girl wuz pretty good - I musta hit her forty of fifty
times before I took her out." He took a swig from his beer.
Akane frowned. "Ranma, I think that's that Chinese Amazon you were saying
about. Over there."
Ranma looked where she was pointing. "Oh, fuck! Here comes trouble - it is
her an' she's headed our way!" He yanked another length of rusty chain out
of his pocket and spun it so it wrapped round his hand.
Shampoo stopped a few feet beyond arm's reach. "Excuse I..."
Ranma glared at her. "Come ta finish me off, huh? It ain't gonna be so
fuckin' easy, ya psycho sore loser bitch!"
"What mean? Look for girl who own bike before you buy!"
"Fuckwit. I built that bike nine years ago an' it's been my ride ever since.
No, ya got the right biker."
"For what you mean?"
Ranma sighed. "Fuckwit. Yer village is only three miles from Jusenkyu, Go on
- figure it out, willya?"
Shampoo narrowed her eyes. "You fall in Spring of Drowned Man, no?"
"Wrong again, psycho bitch!" Ranma sloshed the rest of his beer over his
head, shook the dregs out of her now red hair and glared at Shampoo.
"Spring o' Drowned Girl, ya stupid fuckwit! But now I got ya in my sights -
so come on an' fuckin' get it!"
Shampoo backed away slightly. "Ahh! No! Is all huge fuckup!"
"Oh yeah? It is is it? Why did ya no think o' the fuckup ya were pullin' two
months ago, ya psycho bitch sore loser?"
Shampoo waved one hand around. "Not know all details, okay? Now know truth!"
"Aye and is that supposed ta make me feel any fuckin' better?"
"Please listen to Xian Pu!"
Ranma nodded. "Okay. But move one fuckin' muscle an' my fist goes inta yer
fuckin' mouth. Got it?"
"Xian Pu try for much. In Joketsuzo, is law that if outsider woman beat
Amazon woman, Amazon hunt down and kill. If outsider man beat Amazon woman,
hunt down and marry. When you fight I, I have no way for to know you
actually man, see? Is major big fuckup!"
Ranma snorted and lowered her fist. "Ya could put it that way. How do I know
yer not bullshittin' me?"
Shampoo shrugged. "Is no way for to know, but is matter of honour. Why for I
try lying? That not way it work."
Ranma glanced at Akane. "Now that is what I call a fuckup."
Ryoga snorted. "Not much. From what I've heard - met a dude who's married to
an Amazon couple o' three months back - any marriage outside Joketsuzo ain't
legal in Joketsuzo. An' vice versa."
Ranma made a face. "An' as far as I've heard the Amazon's waste any rival
for their 荊arget'. As in kill. Which ain't exactly subtle." She jabbed a
finger at Shampoo. "Touch a hair in Akane's head an' you'll eat lead
bigstyle. Got it?"
There was a long pause. Akane suddenly snapped her fingers.
"I've got it! Was Ryoga right? About a marriage outside Joketsuzo not being
legal inside Joketsuzo and vice versa?"
Shampoo scratched her head then fished a book out of her back pocket. She
read through it for a while, sticking her tongue out with concentration.
She snapped the book shut. "Is so. Outsider wedding not business of
Amazons."
Akane nodded. "Right... So, it would work out if we went through with both."
Ranma swore quietly. "Fucking hell! You can't mean it!"
"Oh yes I can!" Akane nodded at Shampoo. "From what you're saying, we could
both marry Ranma. It's a matter of honour for my family that I - or one of
my sisters - marry Ranma. And I'd guess that it's a matter of honour for
you, due to your Amazon Law thingys. Am I right?"
Shampoo nodded slowly. She revised her opinion of Akane - she had expected
her to be of low intelligence. After all, she was Japanese and a goth. But
no, Akane seemed to have a razor - sharp brain.
Ranma nodded. "I get it. That way I'm not gonna fuck up anybody, right?" She
shrugged. "I mean, personally honour ain't worth a goddamn. But it matters
to some people - dunno why." She glared at the barman, who was staring
around the four of them trying to work out what was going on and how Ranma
had managed to change sex. "Get some hot water, willya?"
He nodded mutely. Ranma sighed.
"This curse is fucking WEIRD."
Shampoo waited until the barman got back with a glassful of hot tapwater
then leant across the bar. "Get pint of Carlsberg, please?"
He nodded. "Ur - yeah."
She turned to Ranma, who was now male once more.
"I drink to that, maybe join I?"
Ryoga suddenly started to laugh. Ranma glared at her.
"What the fuck's the joke, buggerlugs?"
Ryoga stifled her sniggering. "You three... fucking mental... WAHAHA!"
Ranma swore. "Fuckin' shut yer fuckin' cake-hole, dirtbag!"
Ryoga again stifled her laughter. "Sorry, bro. Honour? Fucking hell, what a
joke!"
"Well, yer right about that. Some people give a shit about it, though. An'
I'm not gonna fuck up people who care about it. Get my drift?"
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, and you're right, man. I mean, what do we care - but
-"
"Yeah."
************************************
Genma sighed and filled himself another glass of sake.
"I just hope that Wade girl was right, Tendo. All our plans hinge on this -
you understand?"
Soun nodded. "Yes, Saotome. Indeed - it is imperative. But how do you think
Ranma will take everything?"
Genma shrugged. "Fuck knows. Ranma's been getting harder and harder to
predict lately. Which I doubt Akira will be very happy about-"
"He'll likely be glad for it. If Ranma was predictable..." Soun shrugged.
Genma frowned. "Point."
"Say, I overheard Ranma saying something about the Chinese Amazons earlier."
"Yeah? Ranma's already crossed with Joketsuzo. But he doesn't know what she
is. Yet. He doesn't have a clue - Akira specifically ordered that."
Soun nodded. "So he's met the first of them."
"Yeah - the first of the enemy."
************************************
Nabiki decided not to push her luck and slid back into the stairwell. She
ran over what the two men had been talking about as she eased her bedroom
door shut.
She grabbed her laptop and typed down what she had heard and her guess as to
what it meant.
First, Genma and Soun had further plans for Ranma.
Second, these plans were the instructions of someone called Akira who Genma
had a lot of respect for. Finally, there was something distinctly fishy
about the so-called Chinese Amazons. Something Ranma hadn't caught on to and
Genma hadn't explained about. Something both Genma and Soun were very
worried about.
The enemy, Soun had said. But whose enemy? And why?
She saved the file, encrypted it and plugged into the phone line. She
dialled up onto the net and ran a search on the word 郡aotome'.
She clicked through links, scribbling down web addresses for later reference
then ran another search. This time on the word 繰oketsuzo'.
One result - at the address www.saotome.com
She clicked the link. Five seconds later her firewall broke the connection
and started spewing illegitimate access warnings across her screen. She
unplugged the laptop from her mobile phone and sat back.
Nabiki knew something big when she saw it. And not only was this big but it
involved her family.
Ten minutes later she was back on line - but this time she was connected to
a different account. An account using the best security software the JSDF
had been able to come up with.
************************************
Kasumi looked up from the novel she was reading as the telephone rang. She
muttered a string of curses and went to the phone.
"Hello, Tendo dojo..."
A male voice at the other end of the line answered her.
"I need to speak to Nabiki Tendo - is she home?"
"Yeah man, she's like in her bedroom. Who is it?"
"Tell her it's Mr. Honda."
"Alright, Mr. Honda, man." Kasumi balanced the handset on top of the phone
and swayed to Nabiki's door.
"Nabiki, there's a like, phone call for you. It's some guy called Mr. Honda,
dig?"
A muffled but explosive "Fuck!" came from behind the door. Five seconds
later it banged open and Nabiki bolted past her sister to the telephone.
"Alright, Colonel. What the fuck did you phone me on this number for? I've
told you only to use the mobile!"
************************************
Ranma, Akane, Ryoga and Shampoo staggered out of the bar to the bikes. They
had a brief argument about which of the girls went on the back of which bike
but Akane solved it by clambering onto the rear seat of Ryoga's bike.
Ranma shrugged and cheerfully belted Shampoo to his back.
"Let's hit th' fuckin' road!"
"On the fuckin' throttle!"
************************************
Kasumi stared as Nabiki put down the handset and stood with her eyes shut.
She was as white as a sheet.
"What's kinda wrong, sis?"
"It's nothing." Nabiki walked quietly back to her bedroom. She connected to
the net via a third account and placed three posts on three carefully
selected newsgroups. The general public couldn't get at these particular
newsgroups.
Only demon hunters could get at these particular newsgroups - but Nabiki had
a copy of the decryption key.
************************************
Soun and Genma stopped their discussion as two bellowing motorbike engines
announced the return of their blazing drunk offspring.
Not three but four ratarsed teenagers staggered into the living room. Ryoga
grinned at the two men.
"You're never gonna guess what happened, Dad..."
No, you're not gonna get any more because I say so!
NOTES
And the plot thickens...
Next - what is Mr. Perfectionist Kuno gonna think? Which is the next member
of the regular cast who will join the fun?
And hey, what's the worst that Kuno could do?
Please note - I was wrong, Steve Harris is not God, Rob Zombie is.
C and C very welcome, please either send it to dog...@ratbike.org or post
it on rec.arts.anime.fandom (which seems to be the accepted route anyway)
Thanks to everyone who sent me lots of warm and fuzzy E-mails. It's nice to
feel supported... and I've got over 28 more chapters planned out, up till
chapter 11 written. I'm trying to post once a week so I keep ahead of
myself. Hope you all enjoy the outright weirdness I've got planned out!
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's 経ff' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Makarov - Soviet made semi-automatic handgun.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.