Hi Andi --
Cordova and PhoneGap have quite a few pain points, I agree. That said, I do think the developers care very, /very/ much about the project, and I would think it would be a good thing to know that the framework is being actively developed.
2.1 to 3.4 is a /huge/ jump, and breakages in code are to be expected. Assuming breaking changes every 6 month, 3.4 is 3 breaking changes beyond your initial project. Breaking changes /suck/, I know, but sometimes they do have to be introduced to ensure quality and forward motion. I know, I know -- I /hate/ them as much as you do, but I'd rather a relatively clean and modern code base than a crusty, aging, mess of code that supports ancient versions and has all sorts of unexpected interactions due to the different mechanisms that must be supported.
Now, when I say I feel your pain: I really do -- since I'm in the process of writing a book about the framework. I've had to deal with breaking changes several times during the writing of the book, and as frustrating as they are, I also can see the end goal, and those changes were probably necessary. Could they have been better handled? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Sometimes progress comes at the cost of some breakage.
Some things I've run into that might ease your pain:
1) Upgrading projects between 3.x has largely been eased by the CLI. Is it as easy as it could be? No, but it is getting there. All I can say is going from one 3.x version to the next has been /far/ easier than going from 2.x to 3.x.
Tip: There's a cordova platform update command, which is great, but the plugins don't have it (yet). I've built a shell script for my projects that updates the platforms, and then removes and re-adds the plugins to the project. Works a peach, and makes the upgrade process itself a one line command. If only managing breaks in the code were this simple.
2) Try removing and adding back your iOS platform when you get oddball errors out of Xcode. More often than not, that's fixed my problems. If that doesn't help, remove the plugins first and add them back last.
3) I agree that cordova vs phonegap is a bit odd, but it makes sense when you understand the history of the project. Consider Phonegap an enhanced version of cordova -- for example, Phonegap can build projects using PG Build.
4) For those people who were used to the ability to use Phonegap largely in an IDE, the CLI is oftentimes seen as a "step backward". However, when you know some of the problems that resulted from trying to integrate into so many varying IDEs, it makes far more sense to take a CLI approach. You can still use the IDE, of course, but consider this: for the first edition of my book in the early 2.x days, creating a multi-platform project supporting iOS and Android took close to 50 terminal commands to accomplish what the CLI does in just a few. Why? Copying www directories around manually is cumbersome and prone to error, and so part of those 50 commands involved setting up a root level www directory, followed by symbolic links into each IDE's project. This was far from ideal, /but it worked/. And then the CLI came along, and *poof* all those commands get boiled down to just a few, and my life (and the book) is far better off for it. It's funny, but there was a time when I was trying to come up with a CLI-lite for 2.x, and now that I look at it, it's crazy how closely aligned it was with the current CLI.
5) #4 aside, I did have some issues with node.js as a requirement. The original point of Phonegap was that it was easy to get a project created and building, assuming you could set up the IDE. Nothing else was required, and it certainly eased entry into the environment. Now, of course, there's all sorts of things you have to worry about, unless you're using phonegap build. But I also understand that node.js provides a lot of good features as well, and has virtually become a pre-requisite for a lot of web development, and so it doesn't make much sense to rail against it. You yourself admit that you already had it installed.
5b) On a side note, you could chalk having to use brew to install ant as an Apple thing. For whatever reason, they removed Ant from 10.9. Let me tell you, when 10.9 was released, it took a couple days to get everything back to working order.
6) The documentation often leaves much to be desired. Frankly, documentation usually does. But since Cordova is open-source, if there's a pain point you think can be improved, you're welcome to contribute.
7) Cordova's release schedule often feels /frantic/, granted. That said, I'm encouraged by the fact there's so much work going on into the project. It could be a lot worse, you know! There are stated goals, as well, to reduce breakages, but sometimes breakages /just happen/ (either a bug in the code, a missed test, etc.) For example, there was a bug in the File API that broke copying files from the temporary file system to the persistent file system. It finally got fixed, and it was frustrating at the time, yes, but it was not an intentional break.
8) I've not yet encountered a problem with the status bar plugin, so I can't help there. But try #2 to see if the error goes away.
There's plenty of other alternatives to PG out there -- I won't list them here -- a google search should suffice. I don't know that any are any more mature than PG is, and they all have their pain points, as far as I can see. There's no project that doesn't, especially when the mobile space is changing so quickly. We are, in a sense, on the bleeding edge here, and it shouldn't come as a surprise when things go askew.