1001 Button Sayings (and then some)
David W. Schuler
OF DOCTOR FU MANCHU
Please store this catalogue in a
cool, dry place near a checkbook
--* A *--
All power corrupts, but we need electricity--D. W. Jones
All roads lead to Amber
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative
Amateur Time Lord
Ankh if you love Isis
Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed
down.
Are we having fun yet?
Artificial Intelligence
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer
ASK ME I'm shy
Assassins do it from behind
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average
man can see better than he can think
--* B *--
Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!
Ban the bomb Save the world for conventional warfare
Barbarian
Bard
Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
Beam me up, Scotty, the elevators don't work
Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life here
Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry
Being sexy is a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
Berserkers do it without thinking
Better dead than mellow
Better living through alchemy
Beware of the Quantum Ducks Quark! Quark! Quark!
Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier
Bill the Cat Fan Club
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people
Born Again Pagan
Born Again Virgin
Born to shop
Built for comfort, not for speed
Bureaucrats cut red tape--lengthwise
--* C *--
"C" combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of
assembly language
Calm down It's only ones and zeros
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu It found me
Caution: Contents under pressure
Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked
Certified Public Assassin
Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world
Chaotic Amorals have more fun
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry
Chem E's make the best heat exchangers
Christians do it with grace
Cleric
A closed mouth gathers no feet
Conform, go crazy, or become a writer
Conform, go crazy, or become an artist
Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process
Cthulhu Cthucks
Cthulhu Lives--in MY refrigerator
Cthulhu for President--if you're tired of choosing the lesser of two evils
Cthulhu Saves--in case he's hungry later
Cybermats, why does it have to be cybermats?
--* D *--
Damn I'm good
Deadly Ninja throwing button
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and
hard to light
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick
to anger
Do not throw butts in the urinals, for they are subtle and quick to anger
Do you know where your towel is?
Don't ask me--I have intermittent memory loss
Don't get even--get odd!
Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon
Don't just stand there--rub my back!
Don't just stand there--scratch my back!
Don't panic
Don't rush me--I'm dawdling as fast as I can
Don't step on my scarf
Dragonriders do it in between
Druid
Dyslexics have more fnu
Dyslexics of the world, untie! Together we can trip up the world
--* E *--
Eat the rich--the poor are tough and stringy
Elf
Entropy isn't what it used to be
Entropy requires no maintenance!
Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies
Every spam is sacred
Everyone was born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it.
--* F *--
Fighter
Fimbriation is a borderline case
The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny
The following statement is true. The preceding statement is false.
Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
Freedom, Immortality, and the Stars
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in
reality
--* G *--
Give me that REAL old time religion Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate,
Demeter, Kali, Danu, Inanna
Giving up Catholicism for Lent
Go, lemmings, go!
Go not to the elves for council, for they will say both no and yes
God didn't create the world in seven days--He goofed off for six, then
pulled an all-nighter
God is real unless declared integer
--* H *--
Hackito ergo sum
Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!
Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five years--I'd just like
to know which half
Have an adequate day
Have an illuminated day [smiley face pyramid]
Have Tardis, will travel
Have you hugged your dragon today?
The hell with the prime directive--let's kill something
Heralds don't pun--they cant
He's dead, Jim
Of course he's dead--I killed him!
Hi! I can't remember your name either
Hollow chocolate has no calories
Human beings don't live like this
--* I *--
I am a bookaholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me
another book.
I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of a far wider
academy of which human nature is only a part.
I am not a trained killer. I lead trained killers.
I am the Imp of the Perverse (knowing this won't help you either)
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater
I can't be overdrawn--I still have checks left!
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it
I don't believe in no-win scenarios
I don't have to take this abuse from you--I've got hundreds of people
waiting to abuse me
I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I
preach to
I have not lost my mind--I know exactly where I left it
I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on tape somewhere
I haven't exactly lost it--it's been temporarily mislaid
I haven't lost it--it's been temporally mislaid
I know karate, kung fu, and 47 other dangerous words
I know where my towel is
I never spit in your drink--why do you smoke in my air?
I think, therefore I am, I think
I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed
I thought YOU silenced the guard!
What guard?
Fool! I am the guard!
I used to be sane, but I got better
I warn you not to underestimate my powers
I will continue to be an impossible person as long as those who are now
possible remain possible
I will not be pushed, filed, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered
I am not a number! I am a free man!
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they'd point in
different directions
If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn't have given me such a
vivid imagination
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you
If life hands you a lemon, clove it!
If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never hurt you, nine
times out of ten
If the wearer of this button shows any signs of depression, administer
chinese food immediately
If the wearer of this button shows any signs of depression, administer
chocolate immediately
If voting could change the system, it would be illegal. If not voting
could change the system, it would be illegal.
If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage
If you are willing to die, you can do anything
If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse can happen to either
of you for the rest of the day
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt
it down and kill it
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure
I'm a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot!
I'm a game master--it's lonely at the top
I'm a knight errant, not an arrant fool!
I'm apathetic and I don't care
I'm just looking at your nametag, honest!
I'm mad as hell and I won't take it any more
I'm not a fan I just read the stuff
I'm not loafing I work so fast I'm always finished
I'm not on drugs. I am drugs.
I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going
I'm not tense, just terribly alert
I'm not unemployed--I'm looking for the perfect job
I'm pink, therefore I'm spam
I'm sorry, my karma ran over your dogma
Immoral Minority charter member
Incorrigible Punster do not incorridge
Incorrigible Romantic
Indecision is the basis of flexibility
Insanity is hereditary--you get it from your kids
Invertebrate punster Spinelessly unable to resist a pun So slug me
Is the surface of a planet the right place for an expanding industrial
civilization?
Is there really a United States, of just a bunch of people pretending?
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of
evolution
It's never too late to have a happy childhood
It's not a bug--it's an undocumented feature
It's not a dungeon--it's fortified underground defense installation
It's not easy being this cute
It's not my FAULT
It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money
It's you and me against the world--when do we attack?
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
--* J *--
Jeez if you love honkus
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you
--* K *--
Kamikaze Chemist
Kick ass now--take names later
Kill them all--let God sort them out
Kiss me--I'm not Irish, but don't let that stop you
Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either
--* L *--
Ladies' sewing circle and terrorist society
Lawful Game Master--and I pick the laws
Laws are made to be broken
Lead me not to temptation--I can find it for myself
League of Bloodthirsty Women
League of Pushy Women Self-appointed Chapter Head
The less you bother me, the sooner you get results
Let's split up--we can do more damage that way
Life...don't talk to me about life
Life is a sandwich--and it's always lunchtime
Life is much too complicated in the morning
Life's a bitch--and then you die
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon
___
lim V 3 = 2
3->4
Live Lent in the fast lane
The little engineer that could
Live now--procrastinate later
Love is missing someone even when they're with you
--* M *--
Magic User
Magic users have crystal balls
Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler
Many of the truths we cling to are greatly the result of our own point
of view
Mathematician: a machine for converting coffee into theorems
The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for bookstores
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste
Mobile non-smoking area
Money is its own reward
Money is the root of all evil--and a man needs roots
The moral majority is neither
More hit points than you can possibly imagine
Mostly harmless
Murphy was an optimist!
Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it
My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
My mind is made up, don't confuse me with facts
Masty, brutish, and short
--* N *--
A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one/the needs
of the one outweigh the needs of the many [on yin-yang]
Neutral Greedy
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity
Never let your schooling interfere with your education
Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be complex and
wonderful
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
Never tell me the odds--numbers confuse me
Never trust a smiling game master
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It only wastes your time and annoys
the pig.
Nice computers don't go down
Nice computers only go down once a day
No matter where you go, there you are
No one expects the spammish repetition Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
No Smoking Oxygen in use
Nobody can fix the economy Nobody can be trusted with their finger on
the button Nobody's perfect VOTE FOR NOBODY
Not quite human any longer
Not tonight Chekov, I have an earache
Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason
Nothing shocks me--I'm a scientist
Now is not a good time to annoy me
Nuke the baby seals for Jesus
Nuke the Smurfs
Nuke the whales
Nuke'em till they glow, the shoot'em in the dark
--* O *--
Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder
Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon. After a while
you run out of air to push against.
Oh, God. I'm so depressed.
Oh, no. Not again.
On, no, not another learning experience!
Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and regroup.
One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom forth into hysteria
Only borrow from pessimists--they don't expect to be paid back
Only lefties are in their right minds
Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is
paranoid and the other one is out to get him
The only winning move is not to play [picture of mushroom cloud]
Other people's property comes naturally to me
--* P *--
Pagan and Proud
Pagan Missionary
Paladin
Paladins do it good or not at all
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one
Peace through superior firepower
Peace through superior swordplay
Penguin Lust
Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
Pipers do it with Amazing Grace
Poets make better lays
Possessor of a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth
Punslinger
--* Q *--
Question Authority
Question Authority--ask me anything
--* R *--
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but
that's the way to bet
Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
Ranger
Real men write self-modifying code
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be
hard to understand.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with science fiction
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons
Renegade Time Lady
Renegade Time Lord
Resistance is useless (if less than 1 ohm)
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow
--* S *--
Scottish country dancers are reel people
Serenity through viciousness
Sex is only dirty if it's done right
Share and Enjoy
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up! Push down!
Byte! Byte! Byte!
The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line
A silver tongue, a golden touch, and a mink like a steel trap
Smile! Cthulhu loves you
Smile if you are Jesus
Smurf exterminator
Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering
Spending a year dead for tax purposes
Support free trade--smuggle!
Support your local thieve's guild--leave your doors unlocked
SUSHIDO the way of the tuna
--* T *--
Take me home--furry people need love too
Teacher from the Black Lagoon
Techno Pagan
That which does not kill me makes me smarter
That's odd. That's very odd. Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
There are only 2000 real people in the world; the rest are bad special
effects
There are very few personal problems which can't be solved by a suitable
application of high explosives
There is no substitute for good manners except fast reflexes
There is no TRUTH There is no REALITY There is no CONSISTENCY
There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very probably wrong
There isn't time enough for love, so what does that leave for hate?
There's a dance in the old girl yet
They'll take away my sword when they pry my cold dead fingers off the hilt
Thief
Think "HONK" if you're a telepath
Think of it as evolution in action
This button boldly goes where no button has gone before
This button is right side up--the person wearing it has flipped
This isn't reality. This is fantasy.
This must be morning. I never could get the hang of mornings.
Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of
us who do
Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music
Those who live by the nit, die by the nit
Those whom the gods would destroy, they first teach Basic
To iterate is human, to recurse divine
Trust me
--* U *--
UFO's are real--the Air Force is swamp gas!
Ultimate Question Research Team
Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature, density,
and pressure, the organism will do what it damn well pleases
The unfacts, did we have them, are too imprecisely few to warrant our
certitude
Unicorns aren't mythical--virgins are!
The universe does not have laws--it has habits, and habits can be broken
Uppity Women Unite
--* V *--
Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951
--* W *--
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser
Wandering punster
Want a jelly baby?
Warning: GM whimsical when bored
Warning: Whimsical when bored
Warning: This person reads fantasy and is and avid denier of reality
Watch out! I'm striking a significant Kirby pose!
We both have the same problem--you
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
We could really bust some heads, in a spiritual sense of course
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What does a sacred chao say? MU!
What could possibly go wrong?
What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be childish?
When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you could be impossible?
Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
Why did Douglas Hofstadter cross the road? To make this riddle possible
Woad Warrior
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
--* Y *--
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much of your time
reading buttons
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his
back, you've got something
You bash the Balrog, I'll climb the tree
You were TOLD not to feed me after midnight
You'll find I'm full of surprises
You knew the job was dangerous when you took it
You know better than to trust a strange computer
--* NUMBERS *--
1.79e12 furlongs per fortnight--it's not just a good idea, it's the law
186,000 mps; It's not just a good idea, it's the law
2.998e10 cm/sec It's not just a good idea, it's the law
2 + 2 = 5, for moderately large values of two
42 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
43% of all statistics are worthless
--* PICTURES *--
+----------+ +--------------+
V | +---------+ V |
/\ | | I think | /\ |
/ \ | +--+------+ / \ |
/ \ | | ^ / \ yes +--+---+
/ Does \ yes | V | / I \------->| I am |
/ this \------+ +----+-+ \ think/ +------+
\ program/ | I am | \ /
\ halt?/ +------+ \ /
\ / \/
\ / |
\/ V
|no +-------+
V | stop |
+-------+ +-------+
| stop |
+-------+
This catalog is current as of February, 1985
For a current catalog, please contact:
Nancy Lebovitz
400 Wollaston Ave. C6
Newark, DE 19711
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER:
I have posted this catalog as ENTERTAINMENT, and as a service to
network users.
I have NO connection whatsoever with Ms. Lebovitz.
I just enjoy her buttons.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
David W. Schuler
UUCP: ihnp4!psuvax1!gondor!schuler
BITNET: sch...@psuvaxg.bitnet
CSNET: schuler%gondo...@penn-state.csnet
USNAIL: Penn State, 602 Sproul Bldg., University Park, PA 16802-2091
MABELL: +1 814 862-6685
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are you a turtle?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
And, as a final note, always remember:
BEWARE OF THE QUANTUM DUCKS! Quark! Quark! Quark!
Ray Trent
Keywords:
In article <20...@gondor.UUCP> sch...@gondor.UUCP (David W. Schuler) writes:
>THE INSIDIOUS CALLIGRAPHIC BUTTON CATALOGUE
>OF DOCTOR FU MANCHU
...
>Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
Does anyone notice anything interesting about the above?
Anyone know of any other unintentional (?) acronyms?
--
../ray\..
(tr...@csvax.caltech.edu)
"The above is someone else's opinion only at great coincidence"
Ray Trent
Keywords:
[this space for rent]
In article <2...@cit-vax.Caltech.Edu> I wrote:
>In article <20...@gondor.UUCP> sch...@gondor.UUCP (David W. Schuler) writes:
>>THE INSIDIOUS CALLIGRAPHIC BUTTON CATALOGUE
>>OF DOCTOR FU MANCHU
>...
>>Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
>
>Does anyone notice anything interesting about the above?
>Anyone know of any other unintentional (?) acronyms?
Oops, a slip of the del-line key here...the unintentional acronym is in:
>Freedom, Immortality, and the Stars
Sorry...
Kevin Chu
> >THE INSIDIOUS CALLIGRAPHIC BUTTON CATALOGUE
> >OF DOCTOR FU MANCHU
> ...
> >Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
>
> Does anyone notice anything interesting about the above?
> Anyone know of any other unintentional (?) acronyms?
> --
> ../ray\..
What are you talking about?
My favorite buttons:
"Ok, but wash it first"
"With friends like you, who needs enemas?"
Shelli Meyers
>
>Are you a turtle?
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
I think it's about time to ask that question again...
--
Shelli Meyers, UUCP: ...!harvard!bu-cs!sam
One of the living. ARPA: sam%bu-cs...@csnet-relay.arpa
Gregory Smith
>In article <20...@gondor.UUCP> sch...@gondor.UUCP (David W. Schuler) writes:
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Are you a turtle?
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>I think it's about time to ask that question again...
>
--
"If you aren't making any mistakes, you aren't doing anything".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Smith University of Toronto UUCP: ..utzoo!utcsri!greg