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The Roots of
Paedophilia
Sam
Vaknin
October 9, 2006
Paedophiles
are attracted to prepubescent children and act on their sexual
fantasies. It is a startling fact that the etiology of this
paraphilia (the need for an extreme or dangerous stimulus such as a
sadistic or masochistic practice in order to achieve sexual arousal
or orgasm) is unknown. Paedophiles come from all walks of life and
have no common socio-economic background. The vast majority of
paedophiles are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex (are
heterosexuals).
Only a few belong to the Exclusive Type - the
ones who are tempted solely by childs. Nine tenths of all
paedophiles are male. They are fascinated by preteen females,
teenage males, or (more rarely) both.
Moreover, at least one fifth (and probably more) of the
population have paedophiliac fantasies. The prevalence of child
pornography and child prostitution prove it. Paedophiles start out
as "normal" people and are profoundly shocked and distressed to
discover their illicit sexual preference for the prepubertal. The
process and mechanisms of transition from socially acceptable
sexuality to much-condemned (and criminal) paedophilia are still
largely mysterious.
Paedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial
(psychopathic) traits. They lack empathy for their victims and
express no remorse for their actions. They are in denial and, being
pathological confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions,
claiming that the children were merely being educated for their own
good and, anyhow, derived great pleasure from it.
The paedophile’s ego-syntony (in ego psychology, used to
describe behaviour that does not conflict with somebody's basic
attitudes and beliefs and, therefore, is not
anxiety-provoking) rests on his alloplastic (intended to bring
about a change in a patient's mental condition through changing his
or her external circumstances) defences. He generally tends to blame
others (or the world or the "system") for his misfortunes, failures,
and deficiencies. Paedophiles frequently accuse their victims of
acting promiscuously, of "coming on to them", of actively tempting,
provoking, and luring (or even trapping) them.
The paedophile -
similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body
language and inter-personal cues. His social communication skills
are impaired and he fails to adjust information gained to the
surrounding circumstances (for instance, to the child's age and
maturity).
Coupled with his lack of empathy, this recurrent inability to
truly comprehend others causes the paedophile to objectify the
targets of his lasciviousness. Paedophilia is, in essence,
auto-erotic. The paedophile uses children's bodies to masturbate
with. Hence the success of the Internet among paedophiles: it offers
disembodied, anonymous, masturbatory sex. Children in cyberspace are
mere representations - often nothing more than erotic photos and
screen names.
It is crucial to realize that paedophiles are not enticed by
the children themselves, by their bodies, or by their budding and
nubile sexuality (remember Nabokov's Lolita?). Rather, paedophiles
are drawn to what children symbolize, to what preadolescents stand
for and represent.
To the paedophile...
I. Sex with children is "free" and
"daring"
Sex with subteens implies freedom of action with impunity. It
enhances the paedophile’s magical sense of omnipotence and immunity.
By defying the authority of the state and the edicts of his culture
and society, the paedophile experiences an adrenaline rush to which
he gradually becomes addicted. Illicit sex becomes the outlet for
his urgent need to live dangerously and recklessly.
The paedophile is on a quest to reassert control over his
life. Studies have consistently shown that paedophilia is associated
with anomic states (war, famine, epidemics) and with major life
crises (failure, relocation, infidelity of spouse, separation,
divorce, unemployment, bankruptcy, illness, death of the offender's
nearest and dearest).
It is likely - though hitherto unsubstantiated by research -
that the typical paedophile is depressive and with a borderline
personality (low organization and fuzzy personal boundaries).
Paedophiles are reckless and emotionally labile (readily or
frequently undergoing chemical or physical change). The paedophile’s
sense of self-worth is volatile and dysregulated. He is likely to
suffer from abandonment anxiety and be a co-dependent or
counterdependent.
Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in one
aspect of his life (sex) that the paedophile re-acquires a sense of
mastery. The same mechanism is at work in the development of eating
disorders. An inhibitory deficit is somehow magically perceived as
omnipotence.
II. Sex with children is corrupt and
decadent
The paedophile makes frequent (though unconscious) use of
projection and projective identification in his relationships with
children. He makes his victims treat him the way he views himself -
or attributes to them traits and behaviours that are truly
his.
The paedophile is aware of society's view of his actions as
vile, corrupt, forbidden, evil, and decadent (especially if the
paedophiliac act involves incest). He derives pleasure from the
sleazy nature of his pursuits because it tends to sustain his view
of himself as "bad", "a failure", "deserving of punishment", and
"guilty".
In extreme (mercifully uncommon) cases, the paedophile
projects these torturous feelings and self-perceptions onto his
victims. The children defiled and abused by his sexual attentions
thus become "rotten", "bad objects", guilty and punishable. This
leads to sexual sadism, lust rape, and snuff murders.
III. Sex with children is a re-enactment of a painful
past
Many paedophile truly bond with their prey. To them, children
are the reification (to think of or treat something abstract as if
it existed as a real and tangible object) of innocence, genuineness,
trust, and faithfulness - qualities that the paedophile wishes to
nostalgically recapture.
The relationship with the child provides the paedophile with
a "safe passage" to his own, repressed and fearful, inner child.
Through his victim, the paedophile gains access to his suppressed
and thwarted emotions. It is a fantasy-like second chance to
re-enact his childhood, this time benignly. The paedophile’s dream
to make peace with his past comes true transforming the interaction
with the child to an exercise in wish fulfilment.
IV. Sex with children is a shared psychosis
The paedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an
extension of himself, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of
distinct needs. He finds the child's submissiveness and gullibility
gratifying. He frowns on any sign of personal autonomy and regards
it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making
false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family,
school, peers, and from the rest of society and, thus, makes the
child's dependence on him total.
To the paedophile, the child is a "transitional object" - a
training ground on which to exercise his adult relationship skills.
The paedophile erroneously feels that the child will never betray
and abandon him, therefore guaranteeing "object constancy".
The
paedophile – stealthily but unfailingly – exploits the
vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The child
may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth,
primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a
disability, a history of failure, bad relations with parents,
siblings, teachers, or peers, or a tendency to blame herself, or to
feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). The child may come from an
abusive family or environment – which conditioned her or him to
expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases –
the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek
ill-treatment and pain.
The paedophile is the guru at the centre of a cult. Like
other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his "partner". He
feels entitled to adulation and special treatment by his child-mate.
He punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. He enforces
discipline.
The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The paedophile
imposes on him a shared psychosis, replete with persecutory
delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and apocalyptic scenarios
if he is flouted. The child is rendered the joint guardian of a
horrible secret.
The paedophile’s control is based on ambiguity,
unpredictability, fuzziness, and ambient abuse. His ever-shifting
whims exclusively define right versus wrong, desirable and unwanted,
what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone determines
rights and obligations and alters them at will.
The typical paedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts control
over the minutest details and behaviours. He punishes severely and
abuses withholders of information and those who fail to conform to
his wishes and goals.
The paedophile does not respect the boundaries and privacy of
the (often reluctant and terrified) child. He ignores his or her
wishes and treats children as objects or instruments of
gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people
compulsively.
The paedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner
and criticizes often. He alternates between emphasizing the minutest
faults (devalues) and exaggerating the looks, talents, traits, and
skills (idealizes) of the child. He is wildly unrealistic in his
expectations – which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.
Narcissistic paedophiles claim to be infallible, superior,
talented, skilful, omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and
confabulate to support these unfounded claims and to justify their
actions. Most paedophiles suffer from cognitive deficits and
reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.
In extreme cases, the paedophile feels above the law – any
kind of law. This grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal
acts, incestuous or polygamous relationships, and recurrent friction
with the authorities.
V. The paedophile regards sex with children as an
ego-booster
Subteen children are, by definition, "inferior". They are
physically weaker, dependent on others for the fulfilment of many of
their needs, cognitively and emotionally immature, and easily
manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and their skills
restricted. His relationships with children buttress the
paedophile’s twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and
omniscience. Compared to his victims, the paedophiles is always the
stronger, the wiser, the most skilful and well-informed.
VI. Sex with children guarantees
companionship
Inevitably, the paedophile considers his child-victims to be
his best friends and companions. Paedophiles are lonely, erotomanic
(Excessive sexual desire), people.
The paedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply
loves) the child. Sex is merely one way to communicate his affection
and caring. But there are other venues.
To show his keen interest, the common paedophile keeps
calling the child, dropping by, writing e-mails, giving gifts,
providing services, doing unsolicited errands "on the child's
behalf", getting into relationships with the preteen's parents,
friends, teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself
available (stalking) at all times. The paedophile feels free to make
legal, financial, and emotional decisions for the child.
The paedophile intrudes on the victim's privacy, disrespects
the child's express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his
or her emotions, needs, and preferences. To the paedophile, "love"
means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering
separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned).
Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even
outright hostile actions convince the erotomaniac that the child is
not in love with him. He knows better and will make the world see
the light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of
what is good for the child. The paedophile determinedly sees it as
his or her task to bring life and happiness into the child's dreary
and unhappy existence.
Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary,
the paedophile is convinced that his feelings are reciprocated - in
other words, that the child is equally infatuated with him or her.
He interprets everything the child does (or refrains from doing) as
coded messages confessing to and conveying the child's interest in
and eternal devotion to the paedophile and to the "relationship".
Some (by no means all) paedophiles are socially-inapt,
awkward, schizoid, and suffer from a host of mood and anxiety
disorders. They may also be legitimately involved with the child
(e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling)
- or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night
stand, colleagues or co-workers). They are driven by their
all-consuming loneliness and all-pervasive fantasies.
Consequently, paedophiles react badly to any perceived
rejection by their victims. They turn on a dime and become
dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of their mounting
frustration. When the "relationship" looks hopeless, some
paedophiles violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.
Paedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome,
defined as it is by the chronological age of the child involved.
Ephebophilia, for instance - the exclusive sexual infatuation with
teenagers - is not considered to be a form of paedophilia (or even
paraphilia).
In some cultures, societies and countries (Afghanistan, for
instance) the age of consent is as low as 12. The marriageable age
in Britain until the end of the nineteenth century was 10.
Paedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in certain
tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of
Pitcairn).
It would, therefore, be wise to redefine paedophilia as an
attraction to or sexual acts with prepubescent children or with
people of the equivalent mental age (e.g., retarded) in
contravention of social, legal, and cultural accepted
practices.
Sam Vaknin (samvak.tripod.com) is the
author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and other
books. He served as a columnist for online publications such as
Central Europe Review, Global Politician, PopMatters, United Press
International (UPI) (as Senior Business Correspondent), editor in
The Open Directory and Suite101 and, until recently, the Economic
Advisor to the Government of
Macedonia.
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