Space: The Line That Never Was But Should Have Been
John P David
radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
space, say to her, 'You want space? Get a ranch in Wyoming..'"
Lame. Really lame.
Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
she needs her space? Tell her: You want space? Hey, there ought to be an
Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there, get a
one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
See how that works?
Here's another choice tidbit from my genius, a tiny excerpt from *Diary of a
Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
--
This time I got lucky, or so I would think, to land on the couch of about
the homeliest little shrink you could find--a good way to avoid the usual
problem of "transference" you know. Well, that's where, according to these
Freudian fellows, you start to transfer all your feelings about your father
on to your analyst--and then fall madly in love with him? Migod. I'm
laughing like mad. Still, unlikely as it may seem, already, I'm starting to
have fantasies about my lovely, homely little Dr. Friedmann.
Darn near incestuous isn't it? Oh well. Comme si comme ca. Let's face it:
I'm obsessed--utterly possessed. So, my dear! Do you need it stated in more
explicit terms? Okay, get ready: I am a twenty year old, helplessly
neurotic, love-starved--I hesitate to use the word but . . . Oh, what a
strange girl am I! What? A nymphomaniac? Me? Is that what you lie there
silently implying, Diary? Why, how dare you? Just because I have this
terrifically obsessive-compulsive, previously unrecognized fetish for
head-shrinkers? Okay, true. It could be some kind of father-love, Electra
Complex thing; after all, I never knew my daddy. I am in search of Daddy!
My heart belongs to . . . wait! What did you say, Diary, dear? I'm like a
Perverted Pocahontas, prowling for my prey through all the smoggy urban
forest of these tall erect medical office buildings? But soft! What
distant drummer thrums his ardent beat through yon deep entangled
cosmopolitan thicket of all these elevators and mezzanines? Sure! Don't be
repressed or anything, Little Journal, flutter your little gold-sided pages
of fine, thin lips and say just what you think. Here I am with this whole
string of psychoanalytically trained scalps dangling from my belt? Is that
me, leaving a trail of analysts with broken, bleeding hearts behind, as I go
foraging forth through the balmy, palmy, Los Angeles foliage seeking the
scent of my next Jungian or Adlerian victim? Shoot. That's only the half
of it. I'm a danger to the entire Mental Health of this society. Stop me
before I land on the couch again!
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"Sometimes it is not you who must change, but the world around you."
-- Dotty McHugh, a Ziegfeld Girl.
John P David
"Vince" <vi...@comicinvestorNOSPAMS.com> wrote in message
news:lgi15us6c0v08a9gj...@4ax.com...
> On Thu, 24 Jan 2002 21:58:31 -0600, "John P David"
> <dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She
says
> >she needs her space? Tell her: You want space? Hey, there ought to be
an
> >Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there,
get a
> >one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
>
Quickest Wit in the West, no less, I'll bet.
> I'll let you know one secret . . .
Secrets are good.
> to good comedy and
> getting a laugh out of a simple quip . . .
: Its got to be delivered short
> and sweet, like a sword through the heart. Bang, bang!
>
> In your specific example, something like this would be my choice:
>
> "You want space? Go to Cape Canaveral and stick out your thumb"
Bomb out. You lose. First because you deserve to lose for using my
opener--you need your own to compete in this.
Bad.
>
> Again, this wouldn't be my top choice for a "you want space?" quip
No, the original was, as usual, far better. You've failed to see that there
are two punch lines in that thing . . .
>>Hey, there ought to be an
> >Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day
That's one.
Now pause . . .
> > go down there, get a
> >one-way ticket . . .
Pause . . .
> > and don't forget a toothbrush."
Never try to compete with a master, Old Son, especially by using the
master's own material. ;-)
Michael Dines
> I'm watching Randy Quaid in *Bye Bye Love*. Comes the scene where the talk
> radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
> space, say to her, 'You want space? Get a ranch in Wyoming..'"
>
> Lame. Really lame.
>
> Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
> she needs her space? Tell her: You want space? Hey, there ought to be an
> Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there, get a
> one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
>
> See how that works?
>
Or:
"Space? After how you broke my balls - I gotta coupla acres."
More corn than your mid-West ...
William Penrose
<vi...@comicinvestorNOSPAMS.com> wrote:
>On Thu, 24 Jan 2002 21:58:31 -0600, "John P David"
><dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>>Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
>>she needs her space? Tell her: You want space?
>In your specific example, something like this would be my choice:
>
>"You want space? Go to Cape Canaveral and stick out your thumb"
"You want space? Get a mirror and look in your ears."
Bill Penrose
Alan Hope
programme, like this one from John P David, calling from misc.writing:
>I'm watching Randy Quaid in *Bye Bye Love*. Comes the scene where the talk
>radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
>space, say to her, 'You want space? Get a ranch in Wyoming..'"
>Lame. Really lame.
>Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
>she needs her space? Tell her: You want space? Hey, there ought to be an
>Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there, get a
>one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
>See how that works?
I think you've hit on one of the reasons they didn't.
Let's face it: a man whose snappy one-liners usually include the
phrase "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (continued
on page 94)" isn't going to be giving Nora Ephron any sleepless
nights.
>Here's another choice tidbit from my genius, a tiny excerpt from *Diary of a
>Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
Well, quite.
[snip]
--
AH
Lars J. Aas
Vince <vi...@comicinvestorNOSPAMS.com> wrote:
>On Fri, 25 Jan 2002 17:01:17 GMT, wpen...@customsensorsolutions.com
>(William Penrose) wrote:
>
>>>"You want space? Go to Cape Canaveral and stick out your thumb"
>>
>>"You want space? Get a mirror and look in your ears."
>
"You want space? Good! In space, noone can hear you scream..."
Lars J
--
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
John P David
"Alan Hope" <ah...@skynet.be> wrote in message
news:umb35u8aebh29rf96...@4ax.com...
> >Here's another choice tidbit from my genius, a tiny excerpt from *Diary
of a
> >Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
>
> Well, quite.
>
I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
nothing . . .
Bob Pastorio
>
> "Alan Hope" <ah...@skynet.be> wrote in message
> news:umb35u8aebh29rf96...@4ax.com...
> > >Here's another choice tidbit from my genius, a tiny excerpt from *Diary
> of a
> > >Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
> >
> > Well, quite.
> >
> Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
>
> I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> nothing . . .
I'm sure many would concur...
And lay odds.
--
Bob Pastorio
http://www.pastorio.com
John P David
"Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
news:3C51E848...@rica.net...
> > Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
> >
> > I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> > nothing . . .
>
> I'm sure many would concur...
Whether they would so concur is one thing, and whether they would know what
they were concurring about would be another. For example: it would not be
hard for the vast majority of the people in the world to concur that the sun
rises in the east and sets in the west. Fine. But it would be an
altogether different matter for a majority of the people in the world to
agree with me that Alfred Hitchcock's *Lifeboat* with Tallulah Bankhead is
absolutely the sexiest, most erotic motion picture ever made.
>
> And lay odds.
Yeah, see? I could "lay odds" on the chance that I'd be disagreed with on
that proposition by a great mamy people, and why? First because any damned
clueless illiterate of a spaghetti slinger in the neighborhood pizzeria
could tell you that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, but
chances are good that a great many of these meatballs like you have never
even so much as seen *Lifeboat*, nor for that matter ever in their lives
laid eyes on the sexiest woman that ever lived, Tallulah Bankhead, and with
that said and duly noted, okay we can concede that there will be a few
extraordinary ones out there who unlike this other trash do give a damn
about being literate on the subject of classic cinema, who will know the
value of being so literate, not only to the good of their own entertainment
and artistic satisfaction, but to the benefit of adding to their own
artistic taste so that their own art might improve by it. There will be
many, and I'll lay odds, you among them, who start gritting their teeth at
the very mention of the word "art" in reference to cinema, or to the
sexiness of Tallulah Bankhead, whose very sensuality was a fine art of
dance--and so you would quite probably, be in the dark on that account,
along with many others, also, I'll lay odds.
I'll lay odds that not 'many' but a majority of the people in this
newsgroup, if they have read Salinger's *Catcher in the Rye*, then okay,
guess what? They didn't like it--as quite unlike the generations of the
young previous to the shooting of John Lennon. That shows you one thing:
many people, I'll lay you odds are really that stupid as to actually think
Holden Caulfield and his world view had something to do with that freakish
event! Sure, of course, because people can be just that God damned
superstitious, sheep-like and gullible as to fear the sort of stigma that a
thing like that engenders. So, I will lay you the biggest odds that you can
name that not just "many" but a majority of the people in this newsgroup
have never even so much as finished a single reading of *Franny & Zooey*,
let alone *Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters* or how about Faulkner's
*Intruder in the Dust*? Huh? Yeah, even so skinny a little revolutionary
novel as that is--or how about much as a single novel of Gabriel Garcia
Marquez? Well, we already know about that--a thing I proved recently about
the abject illiteracy of this group when not one person was able to answer
the question about what the parrot said.
So just who in the hell is this totally clueless Harry Potter reading "many"
to which you refer, which arrogates to itself the outlandishly laughable
conceit to be any sort of judge, not just of my work but that of anyone who
really is halfway worthy of mention, and what in the holy God's Universe
causes you to dream that the opinion of the "many" ever matters, to we few
millions on the earth who always have been and shall always remain as the
few who really do care a damn about good art and literature? Can you
finally, in some shape, manner or form just possibly try to get the least,
the tiniest little part of the idea, Pastorio, that for a guy like you to be
looking at, and trying to form some part of a true conception of the whole
substance and essence of a guy like me, would be like the fly that landed on
the ass of the elephant, taking upon itself the comically absurd conceit to
think that he had the first foggy conception of where he was, or what he was
looking at.
A gullible, unschooled, PC Pro-Abortion, spaghetti sauce for a heart,
scared-shitless suckup and dupe to group-nerd herd-think like you Pastorio
has but one thing to rely upon for his opinions, and that is the sloppy,
hold-the-logic, emotionally spiced, garlic-stinking tomato sauce that spews
on any subject from the mouths of others. That's all you got! All you can
do is repeat what you hear from others even more clueless than yourself
around here, send it around as gossip until it gets all wound up like a fork
full of gooey linguini into some hugely obtuse, bizzare effigy which you
take for "me" that is entirely of your own making, like a goddam group made
snowman rolled of Brooklyn street slush. But all the while what we have
here is the real Dr. Jekyll of me, and the Mr. Hyde that goofballs like you
in your gossip formed prejudices and complete lack of comprehension just
love to make. That you don't so much as know how stupid that is, Pastorio
just makes of you a person too stupid to believe. Nothing on earth is more
stupid than that. Nothing.
So, look here, all you have to do to get smart is learn to stop fearing the
herd. Get some guts. Be a guy: whatever some other clueless boob has to say
or think about me and my work, don't you know I'm still totally Zorro the
Masked Mystery Bandit to you and all your kind, just as I've always been and
shall so remain as you sit there without the eyes to penetrate to the
totally cool and very nice dude (who puts up with none of your stupid crap,
nonetheless) behind the mask and cape? You are coward. A group robot. A
kissass to the "many" and that's all you are--the lowest form of spineless
God damned mollusk on earth.
So there you sit in your clownish, superficial, clueless group-nerd conceit
of the "many", the stinking, smelly *many*, the ordinary, common,
bad-breathed masses of the mob, daring to imagine that you are in possession
of the aesthetical equipment adequate to the job of judging the literary
quality, not just of my work, but that of anyone who has read Salinger,
Faulkner and Marquez, the poemsof Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes. Who are you?
What fine thing of art out there stands to grant you a clue? You way out of
your ball park, Jack. You got studying to do. So, just who on earth do you
think you are, getting up on your hind legs and acting like the literati,
boy--because that's what you damned well better be before you take a mind to
try tackling me, or wind up now as always flat on your ass after running
into the same old stiff-arm.
Sit down and shut up--you are in the presence of a Teacher and a Mentor you
little smart-mouth jerk, so you better just fold your little hands, close
your wise mouth and take a mind to learn something--or if not, go waste the
time of somebody like yourself who has nothing important to do, or say, or
read, or think. For your monkey shines, there IS NO Time.
Now just put a smile on your face and go to the library like a good boy and
don't come around bugging me until you have a book report to hand in.
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"Sometimes it is not you who must change, but the world around you."
-- Dotty McHugh, a Ziegfeld Girl.
Clay Smith
<dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>I'm watching Randy Quaid in *Bye Bye Love*. Comes the scene where the talk
>radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
When I first saw this, I assumed it was a troll. But no one else is
reacting as if it were a troll. So I'm very confused.
I guess what I'm asking here is... do you actually take this
seriously?
Please tell me the answer is "no." It would restore my faith in
humanity as well as my faith in my own sanity.
Clay
John P David
"John P David" <dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:a2tgsg$6cj$1...@newsreader.mailgate.org...
>
> "Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
> news:3C51E848...@rica.net...
> > > Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
> > >
> > > I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> > > nothing . . .
> >
> > I'm sure many would concur...
>
> Whether they would so concur is one thing, and whether they would know
what
> they were concurring about would be another. For example: it would not
be
> hard for the vast majority of the people in the world to concur that the
sun
> rises in the east and sets in the west. Fine. But it would be an
> altogether different matter for a majority of the people in the world to
> agree with me that Alfred Hitchcock's *Lifeboat* with Tallulah Bankhead is
> absolutely the sexiest, most erotic motion picture ever made.
By way of presenting something of the exotic flavor of mind behind that
magnificent face, voice and demeanor, here is something actually written by
Miss Tallulah Bankhead herself, taken from Life Magazine, June 25, 1951, pg
90-97 . . .
"In my time - it's 48 years, dahlings, and if any cove contests it I'll part
his hair with a polo mallet - I've been called a garrulous extrovert, a
cello-voiced witch, a honey-haired holocaust, a heretic whose vitality, if
harnessed and funneled into the Sahara, might transform that sandy waste
into another Eden. It has also been said, my dears, that for 30 years I've
been trapped in a legend, that in my dubious efforts to extricate myself
from that ambush I've threshed around so violently and so vocally that I've
only added to its dimensions. Now for a jigger of candor. It's true that
I've never been one to hide my light under a bushel. The theater is a
transparency. Those who work in it are the common targets of those cravens
who would rejoice in a bender but shrink from it lest they have to get up
too early or because they might be excommunicated from the ladies' aid
society. Me? Let me knock off two frozen daiquiris at lunch and it makes
Page 1 in Cheyenne, Wyo. the next morning. Frozen daiquiris? Good for your
gizzard!"
From http://home.earthlink.net/~tgrillo/tallu.htm
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"It has been said, my dears, that for 30 years I've been trapped in a
legend, that in my dubious efforts to extricate myself from that ambush I've
threshed around so violently and so vocally that I've only added to its
dimensions." -- Tallulah Bankhead
Bob Pastorio
>
> "Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
> news:3C51E848...@rica.net...
> > > Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
> > >
> > > I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> > > nothing . . .
> >
> > I'm sure many would concur...
>
> Whether they would so concur is one thing, and whether they would know what
> they were concurring about would be another.
I guess subtlety of even this blunt a level is too much for you, Sparky.
The play was on the word "nothing." See if you can focus long enough to
get it.
> > And lay odds.
>
> Yeah, see? I could "lay odds" on the chance that I'd be disagreed with on
> that proposition by a great mamy people, and why? First because any damned
> clueless illiterate of a...
<<<<<< snip hundreds of lines of the same old, same old
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
WHOOSH...
Too many adjectives, Jerv. Too many adverbs. Too much between the
thought and the communication of it. By the time anyone can slog through
the turgidity of your elephantine prose, it's nap time with no need for
medication. Try small sentences. Try not to use the same imagery
repeatedly; it tires the reader and offers no profit in reading your
viscous prose. Trim, trim , trim...
Then it'll be easier to see how contentless it is without all those
pesky distractions. I bet this giant blast of typing is your idea of
gentlemanly discourse, huh? Subtle, witty, telling, spare yet full
enough...
Right. For the first time...?
BrickRage
>From: Clay Smith Clay20...@softhome.net
-- about >"John P David"
><dadd...@yahoo.com>
>When I first saw this, I assumed it was a troll. But no one else is
>reacting as if it were a troll. So I'm very confused.
>
Forget it Clay. It's just Jervis.
He always cross-posts to mws. He's been around for many years.
Nesci
Success at any price is over-priced.
The FAQ for m.w.s is http://www.communicator.com/faqs.html
ken kelly
The answer is "no."
John David aka daddio aka Jervis Dedalus aka god-knows-what is a
pretty common fixture in various places. Emphasize the common.
Basic info: old hippie, pseudo-intellectual, artiste-manqué
pretend-o-rama, never goes away for long, persistently boring,
has a godawfully affected prose-style-in-a-can, is extremely
well-buttressed against objections based on reason and taste --
what God blows in his ear he trumpets out his butt. You get the
picture.
And now he'll play hurt, though his soul is cast of brittle
shale. In fact, he loves attention. Any kind of attention.
Talk to him if you like and find out for yourself.
Or not: the wise choice.
Clay Smith
<dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>I'm watching Randy Quaid in *Bye Bye Love*. Comes the scene where the talk
>radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
When I first saw this, I assumed it was a troll. But no one else is
reacting as if it were a troll. So I'm very confused.
I guess what I'm asking here is... do you actually take this
seriously?
Please tell me the answer is "no." It would restore my faith in
humanity ... and in my own sanity.
Clay
Bob Pastorio
And she is also credited with saying, "What a dump."
Musta read something you "wrote."
John P David
>
> And she is also credited with saying, "What a dump."
Bonnnnnnggggggggg!
Tsk, tsk, tsk. No, my boy. That was a Bette Davis line being quoted by
"Martha" in Albee's *Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf*.
>
> Musta read something you "wrote."
And it would take an illustrious writer of recipes and cookbooks who doesn't
know a difference between Bette Davis and Bankhead to know, wouldn't it.
;-)
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"It has been said, my dears, that for 30 years I've been trapped in a
legend, that in my dubious efforts to extricate myself from that ambush I've
threshed around so violently and so vocally that I've only added to its
dimensions." -- Tallulah Bankhead
jimC
>
> And it would take an illustrious writer of recipes and cookbooks who doesn't
> know a difference between Bette Davis and Bankhead to know, wouldn't it.
> ;-)
To paraphrase Sen. Lloyd Bentsen in his debate with the senator from
Indiana, I've known some illustrious writers...
--
jimC
http://www.geocities.com/jimcolli92625/
Official Web pages of the Crystal Cove Lunchtime Hikers. Updated 25 Jan 02
2108 GMT. Reagan to join Rushmore gang? Willa Cather moves uptown, Kansas
kept clean, mass in Santa Fe, a lost scarlet tanager near Amarillo (can't
find the JPEG file), no sunbathers in Calgary, one damned hill after another
in San Francisco (closest parking is in Sunnyvale), young Stegner stays in
Saskatchewan, map of Orange County coast. Soon to come, old book reviews,
new reviews, Java and things to say to your mother-in-law in Javanese
("Please don't eat me."), and while I can't promise anything, one of the
cats has agreed to pose in exchange for the scarlet tanager being dug up.
Harb7707
>To paraphrase Sen. Lloyd Bentsen in his debate with the senator from
>Indiana, I've known some illustrious writers...
>
and you, sir, are no Kennedy.
H.
Bob Pastorio
>
> "Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
> news:3C53206A...@rica.net...
> >
> > And she is also credited with saying, "What a dump."
>
> Bonnnnnnggggggggg!
>
> Tsk, tsk, tsk. No, my boy. That was a Bette Davis line being quoted by
> "Martha" in Albee's *Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf*.
>
> >
> > Musta read something you "wrote."
>
> And it would take an illustrious writer of recipes and cookbooks who doesn't
> know a difference between Bette Davis and Bankhead to know, wouldn't it.
> ;-)
Well, actually I thought I could slip it past you, given the level of
erudition you've demonstrated in the past. Good job.
You're compiling a great record here. That's one in a row...
Clay Smith
>
>>From: Clay Smith Clay20...@softhome.net
>
>-- about >"John P David"
>><dadd...@yahoo.com>
>
>>When I first saw this, I assumed it was a troll. But no one else is
>>reacting as if it were a troll. So I'm very confused.
>>
>
>Forget it Clay. It's just Jervis.
>
>He always cross-posts to mws. He's been around for many years.
>
Thank you. You've preserved my sanity for another day.
Clay
Michael Dines
> I'm watching Randy Quaid in *Bye Bye Love*. Comes the scene where the talk
> radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
> space, say to her, 'You want space? Get a ranch in Wyoming..'"
>
> Lame. Really lame.
>
> Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
> she needs her space? Tell her: You want space? Hey, there ought to be an
> Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there, get a
> one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
>
> See how that works?
>
Or:
"Space? After how you broke my balls - I gotta coupla acres."
More corn than your mid-West ...
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Bob Pastorio
>
> "Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
> news:3C51E848...@rica.net...
> > > Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
> > >
> > > I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> > > nothing . . .
> >
> > I'm sure many would concur...
>
> Whether they would so concur is one thing, and whether they would know what
> they were concurring about would be another.
I guess subtlety of even this blunt a level is too much for you, Sparky.
The play was on the word "nothing." See if you can focus long enough to
get it.
> > And lay odds.
>
> Yeah, see? I could "lay odds" on the chance that I'd be disagreed with on
> that proposition by a great mamy people, and why? First because any damned
> clueless illiterate of a...
<<<<<< snip hundreds of lines of the same old, same old
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
WHOOSH...
Too many adjectives, Jerv. Too many adverbs. Too much between the
thought and the communication of it. By the time anyone can slog through
the turgidity of your elephantine prose, it's nap time with no need for
medication. Try small sentences. Try not to use the same imagery
repeatedly; it tires the reader and offers no profit in reading your
viscous prose. Trim, trim , trim...
Then it'll be easier to see how contentless it is without all those
pesky distractions. I bet this giant blast of typing is your idea of
gentlemanly discourse, huh? Subtle, witty, telling, spare yet full
enough...
Right. For the first time...?
--
Bob Pastorio
http://www.pastorio.com
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Bob Pastorio
And she is also credited with saying, "What a dump."
Musta read something you "wrote."
--
Bob Pastorio
http://www.pastorio.com
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Bob Pastorio
>
> "Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
> news:3C53206A...@rica.net...
> >
> > And she is also credited with saying, "What a dump."
>
> Bonnnnnnggggggggg!
>
> Tsk, tsk, tsk. No, my boy. That was a Bette Davis line being quoted by
> "Martha" in Albee's *Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf*.
>
> >
> > Musta read something you "wrote."
>
> And it would take an illustrious writer of recipes and cookbooks who doesn't
> know a difference between Bette Davis and Bankhead to know, wouldn't it.
> ;-)
Well, actually I thought I could slip it past you, given the level of
erudition you've demonstrated in the past. Good job.
You're compiling a great record here. That's one in a row...
--
Bob Pastorio
http://www.pastorio.com
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Bob Pastorio
>
> "Alan Hope" <ah...@skynet.be> wrote in message
> news:umb35u8aebh29rf96...@4ax.com...
> > >Here's another choice tidbit from my genius, a tiny excerpt from *Diary
> of a
> > >Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
> >
> > Well, quite.
> >
> Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
>
> I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> nothing . . .
I'm sure many would concur...
And lay odds.
--
Bob Pastorio
http://www.pastorio.com
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William Penrose
<vi...@comicinvestorNOSPAMS.com> wrote:
>On Thu, 24 Jan 2002 21:58:31 -0600, "John P David"
><dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>>Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
>>she needs her space? Tell her: You want space?
>In your specific example, something like this would be my choice:
>
>"You want space? Go to Cape Canaveral and stick out your thumb"
"You want space? Get a mirror and look in your ears."
Bill Penrose
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John P David
"Vince" <vi...@comicinvestorNOSPAMS.com> wrote in message
news:lgi15us6c0v08a9gj...@4ax.com...
> On Thu, 24 Jan 2002 21:58:31 -0600, "John P David"
> <dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She
says
an
> >Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there,
get a
> >one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
>
Quickest Wit in the West, no less, I'll bet.
> I'll let you know one secret . . .
Secrets are good.
> to good comedy and
> getting a laugh out of a simple quip . . .
: Its got to be delivered short
> and sweet, like a sword through the heart. Bang, bang!
>
> In your specific example, something like this would be my choice:
>
> "You want space? Go to Cape Canaveral and stick out your thumb"
Bomb out. You lose. First because you deserve to lose for using my
opener--you need your own to compete in this.
Bad.
>
> Again, this wouldn't be my top choice for a "you want space?" quip
No, the original was, as usual, far better. You've failed to see that there
are two punch lines in that thing . . .
>>Hey, there ought to be an
> >Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day
That's one.
Now pause . . .
> > go down there, get a
> >one-way ticket . . .
Pause . . .
> > and don't forget a toothbrush."
Never try to compete with a master, Old Son, especially by using the
master's own material. ;-)
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"Sometimes it is not you who must change, but the world around you."
-- Dotty McHugh, a Ziegfeld Girl.
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John P David
of a
> >Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
>
> Well, quite.
>
I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
nothing . . .
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"Sometimes it is not you who must change, but the world around you."
-- Dotty McHugh, a Ziegfeld Girl.
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John P David
"John P David" <dadd...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:a2tgsg$6cj$1...@newsreader.mailgate.org...
>
> "Bob Pastorio" <past...@rica.net> wrote in message
> news:3C51E848...@rica.net...
> > > Quite Absolutely Fabulous, you mean. Well, for once we agree.
> > >
> > > I've got the email address for a lady editor at Playboy, so here goes
> > > nothing . . .
> >
> > I'm sure many would concur...
>
> Whether they would so concur is one thing, and whether they would know
what
> they were concurring about would be another. For example: it would not
be
> hard for the vast majority of the people in the world to concur that the
sun
> rises in the east and sets in the west. Fine. But it would be an
> altogether different matter for a majority of the people in the world to
> agree with me that Alfred Hitchcock's *Lifeboat* with Tallulah Bankhead is
> absolutely the sexiest, most erotic motion picture ever made.
By way of presenting something of the exotic flavor of mind behind that
magnificent face, voice and demeanor, here is something actually written by
Miss Tallulah Bankhead herself, taken from Life Magazine, June 25, 1951, pg
90-97 . . .
"In my time - it's 48 years, dahlings, and if any cove contests it I'll part
his hair with a polo mallet - I've been called a garrulous extrovert, a
cello-voiced witch, a honey-haired holocaust, a heretic whose vitality, if
harnessed and funneled into the Sahara, might transform that sandy waste
into another Eden. It has also been said, my dears, that for 30 years I've
been trapped in a legend, that in my dubious efforts to extricate myself
from that ambush I've threshed around so violently and so vocally that I've
only added to its dimensions. Now for a jigger of candor. It's true that
I've never been one to hide my light under a bushel. The theater is a
transparency. Those who work in it are the common targets of those cravens
who would rejoice in a bender but shrink from it lest they have to get up
too early or because they might be excommunicated from the ladies' aid
society. Me? Let me knock off two frozen daiquiris at lunch and it makes
Page 1 in Cheyenne, Wyo. the next morning. Frozen daiquiris? Good for your
gizzard!"
From http://home.earthlink.net/~tgrillo/tallu.htm
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"It has been said, my dears, that for 30 years I've been trapped in a
legend, that in my dubious efforts to extricate myself from that ambush I've
threshed around so violently and so vocally that I've only added to its
dimensions." -- Tallulah Bankhead
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John P David
>
> And she is also credited with saying, "What a dump."
Bonnnnnnggggggggg!
Tsk, tsk, tsk. No, my boy. That was a Bette Davis line being quoted by
"Martha" in Albee's *Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf*.
>
> Musta read something you "wrote."
And it would take an illustrious writer of recipes and cookbooks who doesn't
know a difference between Bette Davis and Bankhead to know, wouldn't it.
;-)
--
Uncle John long_go...@nobodyfeelsanypain.com
John's Joint:: http://jpdavid.freewebspace.com/
On-Line Novel, *Amador Green*, MP3's and Usenet Archive
"It has been said, my dears, that for 30 years I've been trapped in a
legend, that in my dubious efforts to extricate myself from that ambush I've
threshed around so violently and so vocally that I've only added to its
dimensions." -- Tallulah Bankhead
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Alan Hope
programme, like this one from John P David, calling from misc.writing:
>I'm watching Randy Quaid in *Bye Bye Love*. Comes the scene where the talk
>radio divorce show host, Rob Reiner says, "If she tells you she needs her
>space, say to her, 'You want space? Get a ranch in Wyoming..'"
>Lame. Really lame.
>Now. Had they hired me for this script the line would have been, "She says
>she needs her space? Tell her: You want space? Hey, there ought to be an
>Atlas rocket blasting off from Cape Canaveral any day: go down there, get a
>one-way ticket and don't forget a toothbrush."
>See how that works?
I think you've hit on one of the reasons they didn't.
Let's face it: a man whose snappy one-liners usually include the
phrase "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (continued
on page 94)" isn't going to be giving Nora Ephron any sleepless
nights.
>Here's another choice tidbit from my genius, a tiny excerpt from *Diary of a
>Girl Friday*, the First Entry as lately revised . . .
Well, quite.
[snip]
--
AH
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