An elderly gentleman
had serious hearing problems for a
number of
years. He went
to the doctor
and the doctor
was able to
have him
fitted for a
set of hearing
aids that
allowed the
gentleman to
hear 100%.
The elderly
gentleman went
back in a
month to see
the doctor and
the doctor
said, “Your
hearing is
perfect. Your
family must be
really pleased
that you can
hear again.'
The gentleman
replied, “Oh,
I haven't told
my family
yet.”
I just sit
around and
listen to the
conversations.
I've changed
my will three
times!'
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a
bench under a
tree when one
turns to the
other and
says: 'Slim,
I'm 83 years
old now and
I'm just full
of aches and
pains. I know
you're about
my age. How do
you feel?'
Slim says, 'I
feel just like
a newborn
baby.'
'Really!? Like
a newborn
baby!?'
'Yep. No hair,
no teeth, and
I think I just
wet my pants.'
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's
house, and
after eating,
the wives left
the table and
went into the
kitchen. The
two gentlemen
were talking,
and one said,
'Last night we
went out to a
new restaurant
and it was
really great.
I would
recommend it
very highly.'
The other man
asked, 'What
is the name of
the
restaurant?'
The first man
thought and
thought and
finally said,
'What is the
name of that
flower you
give to
someone you
love? You
know....the
one that's red
and has
thorns.'
'Do you mean a
rose?'
'Yes, that's
the one,'
replied the
man. He then
turned towards
the kitchen
and yelled,
'Rose, what's
the name of
that
restaurant we
went to last
night?'
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for
patients being
discharged.
However, while
working as a
student nurse,
I found one
elderly
gentleman
already
dressed and
sitting on the
bed with a
suitcase at
his feet, who
insisted he
didn't need my
help to leave
the hospital.
After a chat
about rules
being rules,
he reluctantly
let me wheel
him to the
elevator.
On the way
down I asked
him if his
wife was
meeting him.
'I don't
know,' he
said. 'She's
still upstairs
in the
bathroom
changing out
of her
hospital
gown.'
Couple in their nineties are both having problems
remembering
things. During
a checkup, the
doctor tells
them that
they're
physically
okay, but they
might want to
start writing
things down to
help them
remember...
Later that
night, while
watching TV,
the old man
gets up from
his chair.
'Want anything
while I'm in
the kitchen?'
he asks.
'Will you get
me a bowl of
ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you
think you
should write
it down so you
can remember
it?' she asks.
'No, I can
remember it.'
'Well, I'd
like some
strawberries
on top, too.
Maybe you
should write
it down, so as
not to forget
it?'
He says, 'I
can remember
that. You want
a bowl of ice
cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like
whipped cream.
I'm certain
you'll forget
that, write it
down?' she
asks.
Irritated, he
says, 'I don't
need to write
it down, I can
remember it!
Ice cream with
strawberries
and whipped
cream - I got
it, for
goodness
sake!'
Then he
toddles into
the kitchen.
After about 20
minutes, the
old man
returns from
the kitchen
and hands his
wife a plate
of bacon and
eggs. She
stares at the
plate for a
moment and
asks, 'Where's
my toast ?'
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old
buddy:
'So I hear
you're getting
married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know
her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman,
is she good
looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good
cook?'
'Naw, she
can't cook too
well.'
'Does she have
lots of
money?'
'Nope! Poor as
a church
mouse.'
'Well, then,
is she good in
bed?'
'I don't
know.'
'Why in the
world do you
want to marry
her then?'
'Because she
can still
drive!'
Three old guys are out walking.
First one
says, 'Windy,
isn't it?'
Second one
says, 'No,
it's
Thursday!'
Third one
says, 'So am
I. Let's go
get a beer.'
An elderly man was telling his neighbor, 'I just
bought a new
hearing aid.
It cost me
four thousand
dollars, but
it's state of
the art. It's
perfect.'
'Really,'
answered the
neighbor.
'What kind is
it?'
'Twelve
thirty,' he
replied.
Morris,
an elderly
82-year-old
man, went to
the doctor to
get a
physical.
A few days
later, the
doctor saw
Morris walking
down the
street with a
gorgeous young
woman on his
arm. A couple
of days later,
the doctor
spoke to
Morris and
said, 'You're
really doing
great, aren't
you?'
Morris
replied, 'Just
doing what you
said, Doc:
'Get a hot
mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor
said, 'I
didn't say
that. I said,
'You've got a
heart murmur;
be careful.'
One more. . .!
A
little old man
shuffled
slowly into an
ice cream
parlor and
pulled himself
slowly,
painfully, up
onto a stool.
After catching
his breath, he
ordered a
banana split.
The waitress
asked kindly,
'Crushed
nuts?'
'No,' he
replied,
'Arthritis.'