NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one
warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead
of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat,
'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother.
It read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents ..'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the
jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone..
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now,
she's hitting the bottle.
MORE
NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?'
POLICE #
1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up
and down at my uniform, she asked,
'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report.
My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the
police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her
foot toward me,
'Would you please tie my shoe?'
POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions,
she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache
the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found
a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son,
and into the hole he goes.'
(I want
this line used at my funeral!)
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week
of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't
let me talk!'
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered,
'I think it's Adam's underwear and
it has shrunk..!'