The
boss walked
into the
office one
morning not
knowing his
zipper was
down and his
fly area wide
open.
His assistant walked up to him
and said,
'This
morning when
you left your
house, did you
close your
garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd
closed the
garage door,
and walked
into his
office
puzzled by
the question.
As he
finished his
paperwork, he
suddenly
noticed his
fly was open,
and zipped it
up.
He then
understood his
assistant's
question about
his 'garage
door.'
He headed out for a cup of
coffee and
paused by her
desk to ask,
'When my
garage door
was open, did
you see my
Jaguar parked
in there?'
She
smiled and
said, 'No, I
didn't. All I
saw was an old
minivan with
two flat
tires... I
heard this as
an old home
guard asleep
on two
sandbags.
Two
elderly
gentlemen from a
retirement
center were
sitting on a
bench under a
tree when one
turns to the
other and
says:
'Slim,
I'm 83 years
old now and
I'm just full
of aches and
pains. I know
you're about
my age. How do
you feel?'
Slim
says, 'I feel
just like a
newborn baby.'
'Really!?
Like a newborn
baby!?'
'Yep. No
hair, no
teeth, and I
think I just
wet my pants.'
A senior citizen said
to his
eighty-year
old buddy:
'So I hear
you're getting
married?'
Yep!'
'Do
I know her?'Nope!'
'This
woman, is she
good looking?'
'Not
really.'
'Is she a
good cook?'
'Naw, she
can't cook too
well.'
'Does she
have lots of
money?'
'Nope!
Poor as a
church mouse.'
'Well,
then, is she
good in bed?'
'I don't
know.'
'Why in
the world do
you want to
marry her
then?'
'Because
she can still
drive!'
Three old guys
are out
walking.
First
one says,
'Windy, isn't
it?'
Second
one says, 'No,
it's
Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's
go get a
beer..'
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new
hearing aid.
It
cost me four
thousand
dollars, but
it's state of
the art.. It's
perfect.'
'Really,'
answered the
neighbour .
'What kind is
it?'
' Twelve thirty..'
Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get
a physical.
A few
days later,
the doctor saw
Morris walking
down the
street with a
gorgeous young
woman on his
arm.
A couple
of days later,
the doctor
spoke to
Morris and
said, 'You're
really doing
great, aren't
you?'
Morris
replied, 'Just
doing what you
said, Doc:
'Get a hot
mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say
that.. I said,
'You've got a
heart murmur;
be careful.'
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and
pulled himself
slowly,
painfully, up
onto a stool.
After
catching his
breath, he
ordered a
banana split.
The
waitress asked
kindly,
'Crushed
nuts?'
'No,' he
replied,
'Arthritis.'