Hummm.....

[Alan]

These are a little like "then the fight started"

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings. She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens.   She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."   She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?" "Oh, she replies, "that was my  husband telling me about the great time he's having on his golf trip with you."     Special Package deal for Businessmen   An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.  Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.  After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip. All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"     New SIM to Surprise Her Husband Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room. She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:  "Hello Darling."  The husband responds in a low tone:  "Let me call you back later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen.   Cool Message by a Wife Dear Mother-in-law,    "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"     Throwing Knives at Wife's Picture  Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture.  All the knives were missing the target!  Suddenly he received a call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"   His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."   Habit of Talking in Sleep  A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?    Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.   Natural Disasters Just Happen  Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate,  hurricanes to swirl around and no one teaches a man how  to choose a wife.   Natural disasters just happen.   Your Husband Needs Rest  Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills. Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you!