Have a laugh

[Alan]

I was standing in the pub one night, minding my own business.
This quite hefty, very plain looking woman came up behind me, grabbed
my arse and said, "You are very cute.
Do you have a phone number?"
I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"
She said, "Yes, I've got a pen".
I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you're over sixty.............who cares?

**********

I went to the chemist and told the girl behind the counter, "Give me
3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady assistant: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said "No... She's pretty good looking....."

When you're over sixty.............who cares?

***********

I  was talking to a young woman in the pub last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair
cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there,
instead of you"

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When  you're over sixty..............who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born, just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and
said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I  said, "Yesterday."
It cost me a kick in the nuts, but....

When you're over sixty..............who cares?

*********

I got caught taking a piss in the swimming pool today.

The attendant shouted at me so loudly, through a loud hailer - I
nearly fell in.

When you're over sixty...............who cares?

**********

I went to our pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you're over sixty.............who cares?