Daft funnies

[Alan]

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

 

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

 

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

 

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

 

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

 

• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

 

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

 

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

 

• When chemists die, they barium.

 

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

 

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

 

• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

 

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

• Broken pencils are pointless.

 

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

 

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

 

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

 

• Velcro - what a rip off!

 

• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.