Puns for the educated mind!

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Alan

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Sep 23, 2017, 9:07:48 AM9/23/17

Puns for the Educated Mind...

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I observed an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a lowly bootlegger, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies beside a road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack. One said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass".
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got their first taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane. The stewardess told him, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger.
22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
23. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replied, "Yes, I'm positive.
24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
25. Then...There was the person who sent ten puns to their friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Only dead fish always go with the flow