Living together : mutual caring - challenges for an integral transition approach, including social reproduction

[Dante-Gabryell Monson]

this is shared on the mailinglist related to a group in formation, supported by programmers who have 1000 Bitcoins to invest in a community project

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dante-Gabryell Monson <da...@ecobytes.net>
Date: Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 5:05 PM
Subject: [bestwecando] Living together : mutual caring - challenges for an integral transition approach, including social reproduction ( was Re: New to the list: introduction: Becha )
To: "bestw...@lists.riseup.net" <bestw...@lists.riseup.net>

Hi Vesna, Hi All

thank you for being here, on http://bwcd.vdcn.org/doku.php

I look forward to hear more from others who have experienced roles including that of a parent,

or for those of us who already imagine such potential. 

I initially thought about re-titling this post

" ( Single and Individuated ) Networked Parents and Children in Contribution based Communal Shareholding ? "

...

I personally sense that the creation of shared contexts satisfying the needs of ( single ) parents and children, the development of community by including all these dimensions ( and hopefully also dimensions related to even more generations ), is a whole new meaningful stage of life I look forward to aim for, bringing sustainability to a community.

I feel children are a powerful mirror for the emancipation of "adults" , or rather, for our emancipation by reconnecting to our inner child, and our capacity to be response-able, caring, listening to needs, finding solutions.

I am curious as to understand if this contrasts, or not, with what may potentially be some more individualistic needs of some younger people , including some on this list ?  And understand if various needs can co-habit, or if it would need to be all-together different projects.

Personally , even if I am not a father ( in the biological sense ), I am grateful I went through the opportunity to spend time with rather emancipated women in the last years, who are single mothers with one , two or three children , and who share aspects of some aspirations I read from your message.

We created a local group gathering ( mostly ? ) single parents, here in the city. ( in Brussels )

I realized over time , as in many groups, that there are various levels of needs and engagement.   Single mothers who could not as much count on the support of the fathers likely feeling the most openness to share engagement in new forms of interdependencies, beyond a more traditional papa-mama-children nuclear family.

I realize many aspects are to be taken into account, a lot of listening, and in some cases also quite a lot of sociocultural de-conditioning.

I shared my life for a year with a lady who has two young children ( 1 and 3 years old at the time ).   I discovered that being a parent , especially if it needs to adapt to that of the school system, requires a special rhythm. 

Each can be individual, though I realize some patterns depending on contexts.

I may not be best positioned to talk about it, yet still feel like bringing it up.

I feel like starting from the urban context, as I realize many of the single mothers I met come from an urban context, and look forward to a transition.

I also want to explore further the role of fathers, and have a better understanding of male-female energies.

I of course notice differences between those mothers who live in a more mainstream setting of 9 to 5 work, and those who do freelance creative work and who may not be bound by the same hours, yet may still need time and space of their own for their creative work. ( or some who would like to do more creative work, yet feel stuck in 9 to 5 work to make a living to support their children )

I also realize a lot depends on the age of the children, and their changing needs.

It seemed easier for me to connect with single mothers, then single fathers.

And easier, though this may be a matter of personality, and perhaps not only of context,

to connect with rather self empowered ( and individuated ? ) women, often active artistically / creatively, and feeling engaged in relation to societal development.

For me it felt like bringing a healthy component back to life, not merely to share with a woman, but to share with children, and take into account broader considerations.

A component of inter-dependency, in a city where in my experience many relations seem to depend on "consumption" of others, including through short lived events, after which often isolation returns.

Yet I also realized with my partner of the time that there was also a lot of frustration from her not to be able to do what she wanted , when she wanted ( loosing a certain kind of freedom she may have been used to, before having children ? ) because of the weight of the role of single mother, even when the kids spent a third or half of their time with the father, and even if I felt I did what I could to support her when she was with her kids.  I realize there may have been the expectation from me, even if the father was around the corner, to become a replacement father, which is not what I wanted.  

I somehow, at certain times, felt her envy of my freedom, even if in my own perception I did not have all that much freedom as she thought I had, and even if I was present to support her with the kids much ( but not all ) of the time.  I also personally feel it can take some time to learn how to live in certain contexts.   It may be a personal thing, related to one person, yet I realize similar patterns of frustration shared by other single mothers, and hence felt the potential in networking them with each other, enabling potentials for more distributed support to each other, reduce specific expectations towards any one specific person.

I also realized that spending time sharing situations could enable , mostly in the case of my lady friends who where single mothers, to enjoy their time together when they had "children free" time.

Isolation seems to be a main issue, for single mothers ( and fathers ? ), ...

I could relate to this, and felt that supporting their needs could generate a ( healthy ? ) set of inter-dependencies, rooted into certain priorities, creating a form of contribution economy, that in turn also supported me in getting out of a certain form of isolation , or more exactly, an absence of shared life flow ... generating some form of community.

One of the main hurdles I realize we faced is access and creation of space, for convergence with children, in a non monetized framework, especially in the colder months, when it becomes less easy to go out with the children in parks.

I notice some friends have been supporting solutions to enable such mutual support, enabling a combination of mutualized child care, for example this project in Leipzig :

http://www.rockzipfel-leipzig.de/welcome-to-rockzipfel

hosted in this house project http://schwarz10.de/

There was also talk about getting out of the city.  Some ( from the Brussels network ) did "escape", going southwards, to France for example.

Most often the question of money also intervened.

Or of money vs place, as living out in the countryside, for many, meant finding other sources of income.

In many cases, some are bound to stay in the countries where they can have access to an existing network of friends and family to support.

Or, if it exists in their country, some form of social income.

Or a combination of the two.

In some cases, the location of the father plays an important role ( sometimes also imposed by court ), in other cases, the father of the child ended up dis-invested, or in some cases an agreement between the parents leaving such freedom to the mother to go where she pleases to live with their child(ren).

...

I realize, most often, that the problems do not come from the children, but from the parents themselves ... 

...

The power relations , and notions of family, are also interesting paths for me to explore.

Including male / female energies in each of us,

but also at a network level ( which some would consider a group ? ).

I am aware of matriarchal cultures.  I sense that the culture I experienced in such networks of single parents is mostly matriarchal, yet interfacing and limited by a still dominant patriarchal society when it comes to certain resources.

I realize that the position of men in such networks / groups is not necessarily easy to find, and realized that unless they are still in a couple, single fathers , from what I noticed, in some cases seemed somewhat lost.

I also notice that there may also be cases of abuses, of men towards woman, but also of woman towards man ( in some cases using children to keep control on the man )

I realize there are many variables, ... 

Some older societies have a long experience with matriarchy ( though now facing changes related to tourism and so called economic development ? )  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo#Role_of_women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbzG0n3shTM&list=PLf6zccGy3reDM7-WqKWt0F7aA7k-gUWYw&index=1

I realize that north west european countries ( Germanic / Scandinavian especially ? ) ,

and perhaps more generally urban centres with networks of creative people ( green and beyond vMemes ? http://www.calresco.org/wp/spiral.htm ) seem to also have more of a matriachal functioning ?

I wish to understand how to enable men to reposition themselves more easily, and embody a contribution based approach including both male and female energies, enable this also for women, and enable a balance in such new found roles.

I also wonder if it is desirable, despite some potential idealization of it, to end up isolated in the countryside.

I noticed some people , including single parents, who do such experience , if there is no community of friends around them to support them,

may feel compelled to return to the city.

I now remember I have been writing about distributed forms of mutual support, a number of years ago :

socialized child rearing / distributed care within intentional networks

http://sharewiki.org/en/Social_Reproduction

I see schools ( or rather, unschooling shared learning environments ? )

as an approach to facilitate convergence, and open up starting points for reflection,

around shared learning processes, shared ( mutual ) understanding, and what we want to learn to create what we wish to (co)create.

There is a question of resources.  I realize it took a number of years, in certain communities; before they could open up a school of their own, by their own.

I am interested in understanding how convergence with public state support can overlap,

and how this may intervene also in the way the learning process can happen.

In some countries, there is state funded places such as Folkhighschools.

( I wrote the following to one of them : http://dante.ecobytes.net/2008/04/28/open-letter-towards-grundtvig-21-beta/ )

In many ways, I sense this can be an opportunity for a constant incubation flow :)

I find interesting to investigate festival vs spectacle

http://p2pfoundation.net/Festivalism

and let children guide us into rediscovering festival :)

I also find interesting to find out the potential convergence for various subcultures.

For example, on this list we can find subcultures inspired by diy self organized programmer movements / or hacker movements in a more general sense ( maker movements, ... ),

but I also see potential for overlap ( who some of us already emobody ? ) in agro-foresttry / permaculture movements,

with each already having a certain audience and language on which to build on, in terms of communication.

I notice this school, who inspires itself from Montessori, Steiner, Freinet, etc

http://rue89.nouvelobs.com/2013/01/11/chez-la-fille-de-pierre-rabhi-une-ecole-ou-ladulte-sadapte-lenfant-238499

A school that aims at being in the centre of a settlement project.

http://www.lesamanins.com/

//

I sense that what I, and possibly others aim towards, is certain forms of interdependency , building on various forms of relational dynamics ( http://p2pfoundation.net/Relational_Model_Typology_-_Fiske ) 

while enabling each to support in priority forms of contribution based communal shareholding,

building beyond individuation

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individuation

and into forms of contribution based holistic/integral selfless actualization

http://realitysandwich.com/1207/next_buddha_will_be_a_collective/

which can include new modes of localized production and networked collaboration.

///

How can we best match existing resources and infrastructure, with various variables we want to take into account ?

( including the legal and bureaucratic variables )

Using Semantic Technologies for Collective Intelligence ?

Netention may be a tool for this ?

https://github.com/automenta/netjs

http://docs.google.com/presentation/d/156YzIeH-eoYFl9nMzFxofQ55KVoksqusS0pYYL4WVaA/edit

Or can a semi nomadic approach enable a balance betweel exploration of different contexts, our own (shared) emancipation, and spreading practices and cultures that support the regeneration of social and ecological systems ? 

Which may be a vision empowered further by this kind of habitat ? 

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/19g_XYezo_jHEZINUqZNZUswZaLsuNHpvbsT3vNkW3eU/edit#slide=id.p

Making use of vacant spaces, and re-question ownership all together , while having access to infrastructure; and promoting new forms of infrastructure creation in support of the commons ?

( we discuss this, midst others, on https://groups.google.com/forum/#!forum/op-n-m )

...

How can we include our roles as care takers for each other ?

While interfacing and building on existing infrastructures our european societies can provide us with ?

( including the healthcare topic raised earlier on )

On Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 2:24 PM, Vesna M wrote:

Hi,

I am new to your list - and I am here to bring diversity ;-)
Female, not-native-English-speaker, mother, Serbian/Dutch...

I also want to cross-polinate between "your" community and both hackers community & our own, just-started, list, called "uncivilization".

Below is my "bio" & long introduction I just made to our list...

tl;dr http://wiki.techinc.nl/index.php/User:Becha


I am happy to have found you!

Vesna


--
"The greatest shortcoming of the human race is
our inability to understand the exponential function."

http://becha.home.xs4all.nl

====

Bio

I have six hands with which I am juggling my six roles: mother, hacker/activist, lover, expat, Ms Measurements, lecturer

For my work, I moved to Amsterdam from Belgrade, in 1999. At RIPE NCC,
I was a trainer for 12 years, teaching ISPs around Europe and world about how Internet is governed and built, talking about DNS, IPv6, BGP, IETF, ICANN... Last 3 years I am a Community Builder around measurements and tools that R&D of RIPE NCC builds, that are looking at the stability & quality of Internet around the world.

Before that, during and after, I was an activist & hacker, taking part in Dutch hacker scene (Hippies From Hell) & conferences (HIP97, HAL2001, WTH2005, HAR2009 & OHM2013) and German Chaos Camps (CCC in '99, 2007, 2011); I started by being part on B92 & OpenNet in Belgrade, and part of communities/mailing lists syndicate & nettime. Currently, I am a secretary at the Amsterdam hackerspace: Technologia Incognita.

I have/had 3 children, with my Dutch ex-partner, and I am now "living apart together" with my wonderful love and lover.


===

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Dear all,

My personal situation is very divided:

- I have two small children that I feel responsible for, but I share their care with their father - we don't live together, but are both bound to stay close to the kids.

- I wish to do the best for my children, which, until rcently, meant "I want them to have Duthc passports" for the stability and prosperity that Holland meant for me, since I am from Yugoslavia -- country that does not exist any more...my parents are from Croatia but they are Serbian, so two out of 3 of my childhood homes are either unaccessible or destroyed, and the third is in the state of "early accumulation of capital", a.k.a. "candidate for the EU membership"...

... and since last year, I think that "the best for them" would be to take them out of school, out of the city, out of this sinking country (pun intended), out of the "civilization",  and *back* to the war-wounded Croatian mountains, "behind God's back".

- I was raised on atheism (communism?) and science, and in 1991, when I discovered "the Internet", I thought - this is the best thing, this is where I'll be living from now on. And I do: I work for the (NGO, not-for-protit) that "governs" the Internet; I play with hackers and frequent and build hackerspaces, I spend my vacations on hackers conferences...

...however, virtual reality is becoming too un-natural for me, and recently the most spiritual connections I estabilished with myself and the world were while walking "in nature", such as it is available - parks in Amsterdam.

My current plan is to spend next 10 years learning, preparing, and building a community for "natural living". I still don't know what does that mean... that's the "learning" part. I will visit existing "communes", workshops, festivals... I will make connections with like-minded people -- YOU! I will raise my kids "in captivity", for now, and when they are "grown up" (legally, 18), I will be able to go on with a different kind of life, giving them a choice to build their own, or take part in mine...

[Revlin John]

Welcome, Vesna!

And thank you, Dante, for forwarding this introduction and given few more than your two cents on the relevant issues :)

Actually, not part of the original list that this is circulating through, but I see Dante posted to the econowmix list, which I am privy to. Reading Vesna's intro and then Dante's follow up reminded me to ask for an update on the Antwerp Collective: http://sharewiki.org/en/Antwerp_Collective

Any developments you would like to share, Dante?

Thanks,
Rev

--

dream, play and have fun.

uni-sol.org

[Dante-Gabryell Monson]

Hi Revlin ( bcc Vesna )

Thanks for asking.

The Antwerp house is on hold, for some legal reasons ( a lot of things belonging to an artist need to be moved out first ), till likely this upcoming summer.

From there on, talks can re-open ...

--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "econowmix" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to econowmix+...@googlegroups.com.
Visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/econowmix.
To view this discussion on the web visit https://groups.google.com/d/msgid/econowmix/CA%2B_%2BusvsXp36_k%3D1HFHk8yF%3DL4tsX1Zb%2BnJSa0s%3Dodo2cKt2%2Bg%40mail.gmail.com.
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/groups/opt_out.