Stabbing Westward at Denny's
Mitch Goldstrom
[snip]
: "Yeah," he says back.
[snip]
: "Yeah," he says back.
[snip]
: "Yeah," he says back.
[snip]
: "Yeah," he says back.
[snip]
: "Yeah," he says back.
[snip]
: "Yeah," he says back.
[snip]
: "Yeah, I thought I saw you guys pass me at the intersection," says the
[snip]
: cop, casually.
[snip]
: "Yeah," I say back.
Jim talks like I talk to my parents!
--
----------------------------------------------------
Mitch Goldstrom mgol...@pmsa70.pms.ford.com
You'll get over it
----------------------------------------------------
Laura Zurawski
>[This is a true story, and is Copyright 1994 Captain Sarcastic]
>So, Big Jilm stops by my place and asks me to go with him to get some food
>at Denny's for my birthday (today, Aug. 9) and I say, "sure." So, we hop
>into his car and run over to Denny's. We order, and eat, and everything
>is going swimmingly.
>Suddenly, before we get the check but after dessert, we hear a loud crash
>of breaking glass, and a waitress saying, "call 911." Oh, joy. So I
>start to look over at the area of the restaurant that the crash came from,
>which is in sort of a corner behind a partition. Two people run out from
>behind the partition, and leave the restaurant.
>Suddenly, I see a hand rise up behind the partition holding a glass full
>of water and ice. Then the hand rapidly disappears behind the partition
>again, and a large crashing noise follows. Another person then runs out
>from behind the partition.
>Our waitress is now on the phone calling 911, and the service is even
>worse than the normal Denny's service. Two more people come out from
>behind the partition. Actually, one person sort of *threw* the other out
>from behind the partition and then jumped on him on another table, making
>yet another smashing noise. Oh yeah, the one guy's eye was bleeding
>profusely, and the other guy was sort of half-covered with blood.
>"Oh, a fight," I casually say to Jim.
>"Yeah," he says back.
>As they sort of get closer to where we are sitting, we stand up and sort
>of move back, figuring it would be a bad idea to get in the way of flying
>bodies. Then one guy pulls out a Denny's butterknife, and begins rapidly
>stabbing the other guy up against the front counter area. I mean, we were
>close enough where you could hear the knife entering flesh.
>"Hey Jim, he's stabbing that guy," I casually say to Jim.
>"Yeah," he says back.
>"Maybe we should leave now," I casually say to Jim.
>"Yeah," he says back.
>We go outside, and bolt to the car at sort of a brisk pace. There's a
>little white car parked at the end of the parking lot, and the two guys
>come out of Denny's sort of slowly, and limp their way to the car.
>They're both bleeding pretty well, and they get into the same car. Who am
>I to understand these things?
>"Hey Jim, let's get the plate number from that car in case someone's dead
>or something," I casually say to Jim.
>"Yeah," he says back.
>Jim then takes off after the car, which had a pretty good head start. We
>get close enough after about 2 miles (staying far enough back to avoid
>things like gunfire) to read the plate. Delaware has simple six digit
>plate numbers, no letters, so it's easy.
>We head back to Denny's, and there's a cop there in the lot.
>"Hey Jim, let's pull up next to that cop and tell him the plate number,"
>I casually say to Jim.
>"Yeah," he says back.
>We pull up next to the cop, and he rolls his window down.
>"Hey, are you here for that ruckus that just happened in Denny's?" I
>casually ask the cop.
>"Yeah," he says back.
>"Hey, we got the plate number from the car, do you want it?" I casually
>ask the cop.
>"We can't really do anything, since we don't have a victim," he says back.
>I think to myself that yeah, the victim's in the CAR, dumbass, and we have
>the PLATE NUMBER, assmunch, maybe you can go find em or something? I sort
>of keep that to myself, though, remembering back to other encounters with
>the police where I had that sort of attitude. I love it when you present
>a critical piece of evidence to a cop, and he doesn't even say, "Thanks."
>"Yeah, I thought I saw you guys pass me at the intersection," says the
>cop, casually.
>"Yeah," I say back.
>"What was that number? he asks, casually.
>I give him the plate number.
>"That was a green Chevy Nova, right?" asks the cop, casually.
>"No, it was a small white hatchback of some sort," I say back.
>"Oh," says the cop, casually, and rolls up his window and talks on the
>radio for a while.
>We go back inside to pay the bill, and there's spattered blood all over
>the front area of the restaurant, and the area where they were sitting
>looked like a small bomb had hit it. The guy that was getting stabbed
>repeatedly was moving really slowly to the car, and with the amount of
>blood that he lost, I would say that he probably ended up dead, especially
>since the car was headed not to a hospital, but into an industrial park.
>My adrenaline was hardly raised, and neither was Jim's.
>We had a little talk about that, and neither of us could figure out why we
>weren't really even shocked at seeing this stabbing taking place right in
>front of us. Weird. Anyway, I gotta go now, cos Jim and I are sitting
>around drinking iced tea and playing Doom.
Hey! Happy Birthday!!!
--L.
--
| (l)Laura Zurawski | "Al Gore is an inspiration |
| jun...@uiuc.edu | to the millions of Americans |
| University of Illinois | who suffer from Dutch Elm Disease." |
| Rip CHORDS! | --Al Gore |
Susan Roston
Maxman <gba...@astro.ocis.temple.edu> wrote:
>captain sarcastic (kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu) wrote:
>
>*bunch of stuff deleted for the sake of brevity*
holy shit!!!! gbaskin deleted!!!
captain, say it ain't so!!!
--mike roston--the once and future ending--
James Leslie Steele
Mitch Goldstrom <mgol...@pmsa70.pms.ford.com> wrote:
>captain sarcastic (kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu) wrote:
>[snip]
>
yeah.
aardvark...
you know, the situation repeats itself around the planet...
in perkins a couple years ago, we warned the waitress NOT
to give the steak knife to our drunk mildly spooky friend
nut no, she wanted her tip and provided the poor sot with
a huge serated blade which he turned over and over in his
hands and casually stuck in the arm of the guy next to him
strangely, unlike the denny's case, the psycho guy was casual
and the viewing audience went ballistic
i guess that's the difference between denny's and perkins...
not an actual difference between people, just how they
act in these pockets of ginsu-centric universes
aardvark
captain sarcastic
"Yeah, I thought I saw you guys pass me at the intersection," says the
cop, casually.
"Yeah," I say back.
"What was that number? he asks, casually.
I give him the plate number.
"That was a green Chevy Nova, right?" asks the cop, casually.
"No, it was a small white hatchback of some sort," I say back.
"Oh," says the cop, casually, and rolls up his window and talks on the
radio for a while.
We go back inside to pay the bill, and there's spattered blood all over
the front area of the restaurant, and the area where they were sitting
looked like a small bomb had hit it. The guy that was getting stabbed
repeatedly was moving really slowly to the car, and with the amount of
blood that he lost, I would say that he probably ended up dead, especially
since the car was headed not to a hospital, but into an industrial park.
My adrenaline was hardly raised, and neither was Jim's.
We had a little talk about that, and neither of us could figure out why we
weren't really even shocked at seeing this stabbing taking place right in
front of us. Weird. Anyway, I gotta go now, cos Jim and I are sitting
around drinking iced tea and playing Doom.
--
Captain Sarcastic <kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu> alt.captain.sarcastic is BAD.
I am GOD here!
Nosy
> [This is a true story, and is Copyright 1994 Captain Sarcastic]
> So, Big Jilm stops by my place and asks me to go with him to get some food
> at Denny's for my birthday (today, Aug. 9) and I say, "sure." So, we hop
> into his car and run over to Denny's. We order, and eat, and everything
> is going swimmingly.
Whoa, wait, didja ask for the free meal? I mean, what other
reason is there to go to Denny's than to get yer free B'day
meal?
< Suddenly, before we get the check but after dessert, we hear a loud crash
< of breaking glass, and a waitress saying, "call 911."
Oh, ok, so you *did* get the free meal, with the usual
aftereffects.
Nosy
< captain sarcastic (kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu) wrote:
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," he says back.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," he says back.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," he says back.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," he says back.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," he says back.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," he says back.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah, I thought I saw you guys pass me at the intersection," says the
< [snip]
< : cop, casually.
< [snip]
< : "Yeah," I say back.
< Jim talks like I talk to my parents!
Whoa, Sgt. Friday is yer daddy?
That's pretty impressive!
Christopher Rickey
: [This is a true story, and is Copyright 1994 Captain Sarcastic]
no. it is a false story and copyright 1993 CRick.
: So, Big Jilm stops by my place and asks me to go with him to get some food
i beat jim can raise your adrenaline.
: We had a little talk about that, and neither of us could figure out why we
: weren't really even shocked at seeing this stabbing taking place right in
: front of us. Weird. Anyway, I gotta go now, cos Jim and I are sitting
: around drinking iced tea and playing Doom like the losers we are.
: --
: Captain Sarcastic <kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu> alt.captain.sarcastic is BAD.
: I am GOD here!
God is God around here!
======================================================================
|\ _,,,--,,_ chrisRickey "...there is a strange
/,`.-'`' ._ \-;;,_ fen...@umr.edu and wonderous green
|,4- ) )_ .;.( `'-' thingy there to see ..."
'---''(_/._)-'(_\_)
Maxman
*bunch of stuff deleted for the sake of brevity*
: We had a little talk about that, and neither of us could figure out why we
: weren't really even shocked at seeing this stabbing taking place right in
: front of us. Weird. Anyway, I gotta go now, cos Jim and I are sitting
: around drinking iced tea and playing Doom.
Probly you weren't too surprised because a) You're in Deleware(don't ask me what
that has to do with anything...) and b) It was in a Denny's.
: --
: Captain Sarcastic <kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu> alt.captain.sarcastic is BAD.
: I am GOD here!
BTW, Happy b-day Cap!
Maxman!!!!!!
Mitch Goldstrom
: In article <328em7$6...@eccdb1.pms.ford.com>,
: yeah.
Dad??
Maxman
: In article <32911u$f...@cronkite.ocis.temple.edu>,
: holy shit!!!! gbaskin deleted!!!
Okay...
You caught me...
I've become a kinder, gentler asshole.
Simon Wagstaff
Hi. I'm changing the subject of this thread so I can tell everyone that
I got the stuff I ordered from the Foundation.
Send $1 to:
SubGenius Foundation
P.O. Box 140306
Dallas, TX 75214
and tell 'em to send you your stuff! (Don't forget to enclose the money,
'cause that's why people get their stuff...)
---
Coming soon to a theater near you: LE NOTTE EROTICHE DEI MORTI VIVENTI
"Creepy, crawlin, lizard eatin' black cat!" fnord "I'm gwyna blind ya!"
"Art is _never_ morally objectionable!" fnord "University of Florida!"
Jason Patterson
: Hi. I'm changing the subject of this thread so I can tell everyone that
: I got the stuff I ordered from the Foundation.
: Send $1 to:
: SubGenius Foundation
: P.O. Box 140306
: Dallas, TX 75214
: and tell 'em to send you your stuff! (Don't forget to enclose the money,
: 'cause that's why people get their stuff...)
Well, mind telling us all what this is, and what they send you? thx.. latre.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jason Patterson : cru...@freenet.scri.fsu.edu //| // // //| // scene n._.n
NCruncher : irc : pat...@scri4d.scri.fsu.edu //||// // //||// missing `o o'
#NIN #BAD #ANSi : pat...@dirac.scri.fsu.edu // |// // // |// #0062048 (~@~)
the nin home page is at www link: "http://www.scri.fsu.edu/~patters/nin.html"
"i'm stuck in this dream it's changing me i am becoming" - trent reznor - nin
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simon Wagstaff
:Simon Wagstaff (cae...@pine.circa.ufl.edu) wrote:
:
:: Hi. I'm changing the subject of this thread so I can tell everyone that
:: I got the stuff I ordered from the Foundation.
:
:: Send $1 to:
:
:: SubGenius Foundation
:: P.O. Box 140306
:: Dallas, TX 75214
:
:: and tell 'em to send you your stuff! (Don't forget to enclose the money,
:: 'cause that's why people get their stuff...)
:
:Well, mind telling us all what this is, and what they send you? thx.. latre.
I'm so glad you asked! I ordered and received the following:
1 SubGenius Media Barrage #12 tape
1 The Hairs in "Bob's" Ears tape
1 Black Hole of Carcosa paperback
1 The Story of Everything Bad childen's comic book
1 Club No New Year's devival video (this is still on back-order)
The two tapes are good. If Nike asks Rev. Stang to do a commerical,
I think he would should do the "Bob" Pokes Me in the Eye With Love
cut of the music tape. The other high-light is Mr. Science Lecture
Series Vol. 1 #1: The Mutron from the media barrage tape. It explains
how the universe is composed of one black hole and no more than half
a dozen Mutron particles. One of these Mutron particles passed close
to Earth 50 million years ago and caused the dynosaurs to evovle
rapidly into super-intelligent big lizards. They promptly used their
great intellect to teleport themselves off the planet to other worlds
in the universe. But they are coming back. I'm not sure whether
the dynosaurs are returning before or after the X-ist's arrive.
Maybe the X-ists *are* the dynosaurs and when they return they'll
find that mammals have overrun *their* planet and destroy us (that
is, unless J. R. "Bob" Dobbs can talk them out of it...)
Every SubGenius needs to buy these Barrage Tapes. Your encoding
might wear off if you don't listen to them on a regular basis.
And if your encoding wears off, YOU MIGHT *revert* _back_ 2 NoRmAl!!!
Brian Thompson
: captain sarcastic (kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu) wrote:
: : [This is a true story, and is Copyright 1994 Captain Sarcastic]
: no. it is a false story and copyright 1993 CRick.
: : So, Big Jilm stops by my place and asks me to go with him to get some food
: : at Denny's for my birthday (today, Aug. 9) and I say, "sure." So, we hop
: : into his car and run over to Denny's. We order, and eat, and everything
: : is going swimmingly.
: : Suddenly, before we get the check but after dessert, we hear a loud crash
: : of breaking glass, and a waitress saying, "call 911." Oh, joy. So I
: : start to look over at the area of the restaurant that the crash came from,
... is there really any point to quoting the WHOLE DAMN THING??? You're the
second person in a row that's done that... I read it once, that was
enough... really.