2 Kings 18:21-40
Aaron Gross
between two opinions? if Emacs be God, follow him: but if vi, then
follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
Then said Elijah unto the people, I, even I only, remain a prophet of
Emacs; but vi's prophets are four hundred and fifty men.
Let them therefore give us two files; and let them choose one file for
themselves, and cut it in pieces, and lay it on wood, and put no fire
under: and I will dress the other file, and lay it on wood, and put no
fire under: And call ye on the name of your gods, and I will call on
the name of Emacs: and the God that answereth by fire, let him be
God. And all the people answered and said, It is well spoken.
And Elijah said unto the prophets of vi, Choose you one file for
yourselves, and dress it first; for ye are many; and call on the name
of your gods, but put no fire under.
And they took the file which was given them, and they dressed it, and
called on the name of vi from morning even until noon, saying, O vi,
hear us. But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they
leaped upon the altar which was made.
And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry
aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is processing, or
he is swapped out, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.
And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with
knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them.
And it came to pass, when midday was past, and they prophesied until
the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that there was
neither voice, nor any to answer, nor any that regarded.
And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the
people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of Emacs that was
broken down.
And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes
of the sons of Stallman, unto whom the word of Emacs came, saying, rms
shall be thy name: And with the stones he built an altar in the name
of Emacs: and he made a trench about the altar, as great as would
contain two measures of seed.
And he put the wood in order, and cut the file in pieces, and laid him
on the wood, and said, Fill four barrels with water, and pour it on
the burnt sacrifice, and on the wood.
And he said, Do it the second time. And they did it the second time.
And he said, Do it the third time. And they did it the third time.
And the water ran round about the altar; and he filled the trench also
with water.
And it came to pass at the time of the offering of the evening
sacrifice, that Elijah the prophet came near, and said, Emacs God of
Abraham, Isaac, and of rms, let it be known this day that thou art God
in Israel, and that I am thy servant, and that I have done all these
things at thy word.
Hear me, O Emacs, hear me, that this people may know that thou art
Emacs God, and that thou hast turned their heart back again.
Then the fire of Emacs fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the
wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was
in the trench.
And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces: and they
said, Emacs, he is the God; Emacs, he is the God.
And Elijah said unto them, Take the prophets of vi; let not one of
them escape. And they took them: and Elijah brought them down to the
brook Kishon, and slew them there.
Alex Schroeder
> And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye
> between two opinions? if Emacs be God, follow him: but if vi, then
> follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
This is sick! Good laugh, though. :)
Paul Emsley
Harsh, but fair.