I Was Told That There Was A FAQ List
Terry Chan
Official Usenet Alt.Folklore.Urban Frequently Posted Legends
This is alt.folklore.urban -- the newsgroup where nonsense is revered
as an artform, and debunking has been taken to new heights (or lows).
The group has broadened out from a place for discussing urban legends
(ULs) to a place for confirming or disproving beliefs and facts of all
kinds, including origin of vernacular ("The whole nine yards", "Bob's
your uncle", "Sniping like a bald giraffe"), common scientific fallacies,
obscure points of history, stories of pranks and so on. In other words,
it's a great place to get a reality check on anything that "a friend"
told you, and to compare notes about odd things.
As a result, you will find items which are in the classic urban legend
mold (e.g., food contamination legends), as well as old wives tales, and
other oddball facts, trivia, and stories.
A note to new readers: the weasely :-) symbol is frowned upon in this
group. Any questions, see Phil Gustafson who will gladly rearrange your
diodes for you.
The purpose of summarizing these frequently-seen legends is to provide
a guide to veracity and their experience in this newsgroup. While many
if not most ULs cannot be traced back to any original true incidents,
such a connection may be established for some of the more recent ones.
Also, there are classic ULs which may, coincidentally, have a true
manifestation. As noted in the following paragraph, a true manifestation
does not deprive a UL of its legendary status. However, since many if not
most ULs are false, where possible, I am including a one-liner (or so)
noting a true incident, subject to sufficient evidence of course. (Yes,
this means I am not going to implement the "Ft" labelling scheme.)
A DIGRESSION ON URBAN LEGENDS AND "FALSEHOOD"
Occasionally, someone will post something to the effect of: "That
actually happened you st*p*d, f*ck*ng, b*st*rds, Jan Harold Brunvand
is all wet, the FAQ list is wrong, the sun rises in the West and it's
not an urban legend." As noted elsewhere in this list and by astute
individuals on the net, an UL does not have to be false. If we take
the example of "The Unsolvable Math Problem" (see below), we find that
mathematician George Dantzig is the probable individual involved. So is
this story no longer an UL? Jan Harold Brunvand addresses this issue
thusly:
"Despite finding its [The Unsolvable Math Problem] apparent
origin, I continue to accept anonymous versions as legendary.
Here's why."
"An oral story is a story, whatever its origin. As long as a
story continues to circulate in different variations, partly
by word of mouth, we may regard it as folklore. But probably
'The Unsolvable Math Problem' legend should no longer be
discussed as strictly 'apocryphal,' since we now seem to have
found its source, and the deviations from the original incident
are easily recognized and are not excessive."
- _The Choking Doberman_, p. 282
Veracity is interesting but far from the last thing when it comes to the
study of urban legends. Other comments welcomed.
MEANWHILE, BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM . . .
I have also begun to collect references to specific volumes of JHB's to
document various classic ULs. This is a slow and on-going process.
Acronyms for Jan Harold Brunvand's books in the list below are:
TVH - _The Vanishing Hitchhiker_
TMP - _The Mexican Pet_
TCD - _The Choking Doberman_
CBA - _Curses! Broiled Again_
"Jan Harold Brunvand" is an anagram of
Bold Harvard nun Jan
vandal had nun, rob Jr
Hard van burn old Jan
van run hand-job lard
Related newsgroups to consider when posting an article which may be "folklore".
- alt.usage.english [pretty self-explanatory, dontcha think?]
- alt.folklore.computers [guess what this one is about?]
- alt.folklore.science [Great for physics questions]
- alt.folklore.college [Lots of the same old stuff, but why not?]
- sci.skeptic [for those with lots of time on their hands]
- alt.tasteless [frequently more appropriate than not.]
- alt.flame [just a thought else hold that thought]
- alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.d [the others are for *pictures* only.]
NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
"It could have happened, so it must be true."
"Sheesh!"
"Sorry to inject some facts into this newsgroup..."
"It COULD have happened so it MUST have happened"
"Bula Vinaka"
"I read it on USENET so it must be true."
"You st*p*d f*ck*ng b*st*rds..."
"The way I heard it..."
"I read it in the paper..."
"I think it's stupid. We collect all these business cards, and it turns
out nobody wants them."
OFFICIAL AFU MASCOT
- My pet King snake, Elvis
- Peter's pet dalmatian dog, Pixel
- snopes' pet cat, snopes
- Joe Chew's pet gerbil, Dicky
OFFICIAL FOOD OF AFU
- Red Velvet Cake
- Poinsettia salad
- Kentucky Fried Chicken [Okay, okay, you get the picture.]
NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL SONG
- "I heard it through the Grapevine"
Okay, the major categories are:
- The Misappliance of Science
- The 'Plane Truth (What goes up...)
- Does Not Compute
- Twinkie Twitter
- Mysterious Medical Maladies
- Wind Powered Fantasies
- Stupid Academia Tricks
- Stupid People Tricks
- What's in a Word?
- Reefer Madness
- How Firm is Your Foundation?
- Kill Your Television!
- Astonishing Antipodean Antics
- Lewd Food
- Snuff Movies
- Upstanding Legends of the Penis and Scrotum
- Hide the Salami
- Disney Dementia (and other amusement park legends)
- Question Authority!
- Wild Life in the Fast Lane
- Legends About Natatory Capabilities of Large Anthropoid Primates
- Astounding Avian Anomalies
- Doggie Style and Cattie Wumpus
- Other Animal Crackers
- Arthropod Crackers
- Some References and Credits
Key to one liners below:
T = 100% scientific truth
Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
F = 100% falsehood
Ft = A classic urban legend with a true occurance or discovered origin.
Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
U = unanswered and may be unanswerable
P = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible
(used extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected,
as it could apply to just about every legend)
================================================================================
THE MISAPPLIANCE OF SCIENCE
F. You can make as much ice faster by starting with warmer water.
T. Boiled water freezes faster than ordinary water at same initial temp.
T. Hot water evaporates while freezing, producing 75% of ice in 90% of time.
F. A penny falling from height of Empire State building will embed in pavement.
[Yeah, yeah, if you check out Matt Groening's stuff in the _Life in Hell_
strips, you'll find a number of these.]
T. Coriolis force affects fluids if you take incredible pains to isolate it.
F. Bath water drains the other way round in other hemisphere, due to Coriolis.
Fb.Microwaving your panties kills yeast infections (cold spots in oven...)
T. Soldiers break step when marching over bridges (trivially observed).
U. Bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step when marching over.
Fb.Bridge falls down due to resonance if soldiers don't break step marching over
Broughton suspension bridge, England, April 14 1831, fell under soldiers
march, but prob just overloaded, not resonating. M Brader posted Times story!
F. Otherwise sound bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step marching over.
(There have been no documented instances of this)
F. Coloring your CD's rim with (special) marker will enhance sound quality.
F. People explode/boil/something in the vacuum of space [see alt.space FAQL].
F. Eelskin wallet demagnetizes bank cards (nope, but magnetic clasp might).
T. Venus and perhaps a few other bright stars/planets can be seen in daylight.
F. Daylight sky appears dark enough to see stars from bottom of deep well.
F. Bubbles in bubble wrap contain a cheap, but toxic gas.
U. East German secret police "bug" factory now uses skills to make hearing aids
F. Hot-drying acid-washed jeans "re-activates" the acid (Nope, but might shrink)
F. Ontario Hydro mandated poor installation,so copper fails as often as Aluminum
T. Fluorescent lamp will light up when held near high-voltage line.
T. You sure can raise bloody hell asking about physics/chemistry on AFU.
Tb.Fluorescent light will break down vitamins in clear milk containers.
F. Fluorescent lights leach vitamins from your body
Tb.Leather saddles used to be treated with llama dung to avoid scaring horses
Tb.The spec. for leather saddles got copied for leather jackets...
T. 3M "post-it" notes were invented & marketed as an unofficial project
T. Subliminal messages in advertising are ineffective, but outlawed anyway.
U. Filamentous phage M13 obtained from lab's letter rejecting the transfer!
T. Long term storage of paper in a PVC envelope is harmful (fumes degrade it).
T. Some combinations of metal tooth fillings can receive radio signals.
F. Printer/copier toner is carcinogenic. [But be careful about breathing it.]
F. The moon is larger near the horizon than up in the sky due to refraction.
T. Indiana House Bill #246 of 1897 would've set pi=3.2, killed in state Senate.
Fb.Some state (e.g., Kansas) once considered a bill setting pi = 3.
F. US and Russia won't destroy their cultures of smallpox for fear of bio- war.
F. Taking baking soda as an antacid is bad 'cause CO2 can rupture your stomach.
F. Leaving car radio on when the ignition switch is off will drain battery.
[Excepting VWs and certain other cars where the radio is not switched thru
the ignition switch.]
U. Hypnosis is a fake! Net says "Yes, no, zzzz". [But does remove warts.]
F. Flowers are bad in hospital rooms because they suck oxygen out of air.
Fb.People only use 10% of their brain capacity (whatever that means).
F. If the entire population of China jumped up at the same time: a) the Earth's
orbit would be disturbed, b) the entire US would be swamped by a tidal wave.
Fb.If all the Chinese screamed at the same time, people in the US could hear it.
Tb.Bill Nelson's application to join the SVOHC was rejected.
U. This message is costing the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
T. There was a natural nuclear reaction in Africa long ago [NOT an explosion.]
F. Swimming right after eating will cause cramps and you'll drown.
F. Squeezing out the air from a partially consumed soda bottle will keep soda
from going flat.
THE 'PLANE TRUTH (WHAT GOES UP...)
T. 800ft diameter asteroid passed within 500K miles of hitting earth in 1989.
T. Confused pilots occasionally land on tiny strip short of correct airport.
T. F51D plane can flip due to engine torque. (A. Frisbie posted pilot's manual!)
Tb.US Govt fixed plane transponders always report positions (catch drug imports)
T. Airforce/manufacturers tests planes by firing chickens from special cannon.
U. Person fitted rocket/JATO unit to car, embedded in rockface at first bend.
Tb Cessna planes aren't sold in the US anymore due to threat of liability suits.
T. Beechcraft, Piper and Mooney still make & sell planes in the US however...
T. Pilot can discreetly signal a hijack by setting the transponder to "7500"
Tb.Leave flaps down when off the active as a request for armed intervention!!
F. The Great Wall of China can be seen with the naked eye from the moon.
T. Many manmade structures can be seen with the naked eye from Earth orbit.
F. Shuttle crew did secret experiment on how to make love in zero gravity.
Tb.Jet lag is exacerbated by alcohol consumption.
T. Parachute mishap brought down a Cessna (gently) on a novice's parachute.
F. Airlines use a gas to keep passengers mildly sedated and less troublesome.
Fb.Both pilots on airliner end up locked out of cockpit in lavatory mixup.
["Death and Danger in the Air" in CBA]
DOES NOT COMPUTE
T. Apple use a Cray to design hardware systems; Cray use an Apple...
T. Prodigy grabs large sectors of the disk, containing data from deleted files.
F. Prodigy slyly reads your disk & nefariously uploads your top secrets to IBM.
F. Stories about Seymour Cray's strange hobbies (annual boat burning etc).
F. The FCC is proposing a modem tax (Nope, the proposal died in 1987).
Tb.Bill Gates has $750K Porsche 959 he can't use; no type compliance,no license!
U. New computer system "lost" a Montgomery Ward Calif warehouse for 3 years...
T. "q=q++;" is an undefined statement under ANSI C (same object modified twice).
T. Calling "#" a pound sign as in common US parlance really riles some folks up.
T. "#" is frequently referred to as a "hash" mark outside the US.
P. Bigots like Peter van der Linden drove Alan Turing to suicide in a London cab
U. Russian/Chinese mechanical translator translates "out of sight, out of mind"
into "blind and insane".
U. Brian Scearce is fully integrated, but when is he partially differentiated?
TWINKIE TWITTER
T. "animal or vegetable shortening" on ingredients list == LARD
F. Hostess snacks (Twinkies, Cupcakes, etc.) aren't baked! They set,like jello
Fb.Twinkies eat mold... If mold grows on a twinkie, the twinkie digests it...
MYSTERIOUS MEDICAL MALADIES
U. Woman had "tree in the bedina" -- potato used as pessary, sprouted...
U. Woman had "Smiling Mighty Jesus" -- spinal meningitis.
U. Woman had "sick as hell anemia" -- sickle cell anemia
U. Woman named child "Nosmo King" after sign on delivery room door.
U. Christophe tried to kill the human spirit w/chainsaw when he had chicken pox.
F. There is a special ward for "Newky Brown" addicts in Newcastle General
F. Person's hair turns entirely white "overnight" from stress.
T. Some people sneeze when exposed to bright light ("photic sneeze effect").
Tb.Patient died when intravenously given Kaopectate.
U. FDA approval causes cancer.
U. Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams (or is it Cecil Adams is Ed Zotti?).
Tb.Drinking large quantities of deionized/distilled water over a long period
of time can screw you up due to ion imbalances.
WIND-POWERED FANTASIES
T. Fin-de-siecle Frenchman,Petomane,got rich farting as music hall act. Fartist.
U. Blowback (blowforward?) from ignited fart, singed frat-boy's intestines.
U. Vet cut vent-hole in cow's flank, lit escaping gases, burned down barn...
Fb.A patient's intestine explodes from cauterization during surgery due to gas.
STUPID ACADEMIA TRICKS
NOTE: Many university-based ULs are passed continually. Before posting,
check out the references below and in Appendix B of JHB's textbook
which has a good survey of academe ULs by Barre Toelken.
T. Prof lists famous unsolved problems;student thought it was homework- solved!
Student was George Dantzig. ["The Unsolvable Math Problem" in CBA.]
Fb.Student cheats on exam, asks "do you know who I am?",jams paper in exam pile!
["Bluebook Legends" in TMP]
Fb.Professor jostled; misses watch; grabs back from jostler; later finds at home
[Variation of "The Jogger's Billfold" in TCD]
F. College roommate commits suicide, gets you an automatic "A" for courses.
["The Suicide Rule" in CBA.]
T. Student gets tuition $ by asking for $0.01 from each person via newspaper.
Fb.Students find rolled-up carpet; take and unroll in dorm room to find a body.
Fb.Student kills self during exam by putting 2 pencils in nose and hitting desk.
T. People's lawn gnomes/elves stolen; owners were sent letter/pics from exotic
locations with the ornament. ["Roaming Gnomes" in CBA]
T. Famous UL researcher misspells the subtitle of a Star Trek film in a book.
F. Two co-eds alone in dorm; one goes to study; other in room; roomie hears
heavy dragging sounds; blocks door; hears scratches; waits til morning;
opens door to find other co-ed with ax in head who was scratching for help.
["The Roommate's Death" in TVH and TMP]
Fb.Students buy a barber pole and drive the town. Stopped continually by police.
F. Girl is alone at home/dorm with dog; sleeps; hears noise and a dripping
sound; is frightened but reaches to dog and feels a lick; goes back to
sleep. In morning, finds dog hanged in shower and note under bed which
says "humans can lick too." ["The Licked Hand" in TCD]
Fb.Prof. gives "announced" quiz to surprised class after putting ad in paper.
Fb.Prof. allows students to "bring in what they can carry for exam"; student
carrys in a grad student" (variation on allowing use of "Feynman").
Fb.Prof. nails exam thief by cutting bottom 0.5" of exam to find longer answer.
Fb.Philosophy prof.'s 1 word exam: "Why?". "A" to student who replies "Why not?"
[Many, many variations].
Fb.Low grading prof. grades same exam in successive semesters; gives higher
grade each time. 4th time around (or so), writes: "Like it more each time".
Fb.Student submits 20 yr old paper for class; prof. gives "A"; says he always
liked it but he only got a "B" when he wrote it. [The above 6 are in
"College Con Artists and How They Operate" in CBA]
T. Prof D. "Art of Computer Programming" Knuth's 1st publication was in MAD mag.
(MAD #33 "The Potrezebie system of weights and measures")
STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS
T. Craig Shergold, UK cancer kid,sought postcards, overwhelmed with 33 million.
T. Craig Shergold, UK health plan wouldn't operate;Kluge paid; tumor was benign!
T. Craig Shergold's 12th birthday was June 24, 1991. From now June 24 is AFUday.
Tb.Craig Shergold lives in an "unsalubrious" section of town.
T. His name has been misspelled several times in various pleas.
T. But he sure as heck doesn't want or need any more cards now.
T. See _The Guiness Book of Records 1992_, p. 207.4 for his listing.
T. See 19 July 1990 _NY Times_ (p. 24), _People_ magazine 1 June 1991, p. 63.
T. Cards that are sent to the hospital no longer go to him.
T. A variation of the above now includes a call for business cards.
[Classic American UL in this genre is "Postcards for Little Buddy" in CBA]
Tb.If you are really desperate for some more info, try sending me e-mail.
U. Errol Flynn was invited to "black tie" party; went nude, except for black tie
T. The beggars with "will work for food" signs are just extra sympathy scams.
T. People have been injured by rocking a vending machine, that falls on them.
Fb.Man's house demolished after friend placed ad in paper for a joke.
Fb.US GI captures Iraqi soldier - they knew each other from Chicago.
F. Special chemical for swim pools, turns bright color on contact with urine.
F. "3 Men & a Baby" has a scene with a real ghost in it.
F. Wife sprays toilet with flammable bug spray, husband shits, smokes, explodes.
Fb.Aluminum ring pull tabs are collected & exchanged for dialysis machine time.
["Redemption Rumors" in TMP]
T. The Ronald McDonald House in Rochester, MN is collecting tabs for their
own kids needs as of 3/92. Thanks to Shawn Brawnhart and j...@vnet.ibm.com.
F. Chanting "Mary Worth" before a mirror summons dead spirit at slumber parties.
["I Believe in Mary Worth" see TMP]
Tb.You can catch diseases (crabs, lice, herpes, VD, etc) from public toilets.
Fb.Male athlete cheats drug test with wife's pee; test shows he's pregnant.
T. Infirm, elderly, obese alcoholics have set themselves on fire occasionally.
F. People occasionally spontaneously combust and burn to death. Whoompfh!
F. Cabbage patch dolls are possessed by the devil.
F. A woman w/beehive hairdo doesn't wash her hair; dies from bees/spiders in it.
Fb.Couple stays in odoriferous hotel room;informed next day of body in mattress.
F. Someone is crushed to death trying to shrink blue jeans by wearing in tub.
["Product Defect and Liability Legends" in TCD]
F. Tourists' room is burgled, later finds snaps of "toothbrush up thief's ass".
F. Two guys come across a kid fishing; kid says fish aren't biting but worms
are; on way back; they discover kid slumped over; worms were water moccasins!
["The Can of Snakes" in TMP]
F. Eskimos have some megaboss number of words for snow.
Fb.Child's foot/leg is amputated after pumping Reeboks shoes too tight.
F. Dr. C. Drew, a plasma researcher; bleeds to death when hospital turns him
(a black man) away. [Similar story with death of Blues great Bessie Smith.]
T. For some reason, some folks kill snakes by grabbing tail and "snapping" them.
Tb."Chicken sexing" is big business. Started by Asian family.
F. Guy trims hedges with lawnmower but trims own extremities; sues; wins big!
["The Lawnmower Accident" in TMP]
T. Check in various legal databases shows no such case appealed.
T."little gator" S. Mudgett is in one of Cecil's books.
F. Folks find casks of wine in cellar of old house. Tap and drank from several
of them. Later, preserved body of original house owner found in cask.
[Body in the cask motif may find some basis in old story of Admiral Nelson
of Battle of Trafalgar. His body was shipped back in wine/rum cask. Upon
arrival in UK, cask was low/empty. "The body in the cask" in TCD.]
F. Boyfriend tells girlfriend they're through and she should pack up and out
while he goes on a long trip. He returns to find her gone and phone off
the hook connected to the "time" recording in Japan/some far away place.
F. Helicopter fights forest fires by scooping water from lake. Charred body
of scuba diver found in ashes. ["Death and Danger in the Air" in CBA]
F. Ship captains, on their own authority, can perform marriages.
F. Fat person on ship/airline toilet has intestines sucked out due to vacuum.
Fb.Some guy in a foreign country teaches the locals that a certain obscene
handsign (to him) was actually a welcoming gesture. Locals all pose for
pictures while making the gesture.
F. Woman on bus raises a man's hand and asks "Who does it belong to? It was
on my butt." Several red-faced men get off [heh] at next stop.
T. Jan Harold Brunvand's son, Erik, teaches at UU and even read a.f.u. Sheesh!
F. Halloween sadists randomly give poisoned candy to children.
T. A Texas child was poisoned by his father on Halloween in 1974.
F. Woman frequents tanning salons; develops funny smell; innards cooked!
["Curses! Broiled Again" in _CBA_]
T. A guy goes a-shooting at Saguaro cacti; hits one. It falls and kills him!
["The Plant's Revenge" in _CBA_]
Fb.Someone couldn't call for help because they couldn't dial the "11" in "911".
T. Lots of people comment on the FAQ list without actually reading it.
Tb.People were frequently mistaken for dead and were buried alive.
Tb.Some people think researching the most trivial legal point is great fun.
Tb.Edison's last breath is kept in a jar in Michigan. (Well, sort of).
Tb.Elvis lives near Palo Alto, works for Sun, and speaks w/an English accent.
Tb.Kate McDonnell lives in a really distinct society, you know.
Fb.Co-ed loses tampon inside prior to blind date; worried; sees school intern;
is acutely embarrassed. Her date shows up; it's the intern who removed it!
Fb.Young man buys condom from pharmacist; in his embarrassment, boasts of his
date. He goes to pick her up, her father the pharmacist answers the door!
["The Blind Date" in TMP]
F. Bride at big wedding begins to thank each person in turn, then thanks groom
for sleeping w/maid-of-honor. Then throws bouquet, etc.
["The Bothered Bride" in TMP]
F. Phil Collins' song "In the Air Tonight" is about a death witnessed by Phil.
T. 1st Levi's had a crotch seam rivet, dropped due to discomfort from standing
near fires.
WHAT'S IN A WORD?
F. The etymology of the 4-letter word "f*ck" is an acronym of old.
T. Lord knows, there lots of variations of initials/names for "Jesus Christ".
F. 'HAL' in the film "2001: A Space Odyssey" was derived from letters for "IBM".
Tb.The expression "86" (to put the kibosh on), originated in 1920s diner slang.
P. This expression originated from Kibo's writing of a shell for Bell Labs.
T. A.J.Balfour appt'd Secretary Ireland by Uncle Bob.Nepotism? Bob's your uncle.
T. JF Kennedy said "Ich bin ein Berliner." Could be either "I am a native of
Berlin" or "I am a jelly doughnut." Berliners knew what he was talking about.
T. Hebrew was considered as official language of the US. [Guess what happened?]
U. German was once within one or two votes of becoming the official US language.
T. Fijian on the AT&T ad says ""Bula vinaka, beachside!" ("hello, thanks").
T. Terry Wood spelled "Hindenburg" correctly once.
T. Many languages don't pronounce foreign words/phrases as they really are.
Tb.US Civil War Gen. Hooker is the source for a common term for streetwalkers.
F. POSH stands for PUKE ON SHOES HERE. [Source: Jim Kasprzak]
F. Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet.
T. Thomas Crapper did exist and made improvements to modern flushing mechanisms.
F. The word 'Crap' is derived from Thomas Crapper.
F. Otto Titzling invented the brassier.
HOW FIRM IS YOUR FOUNDATION?
F. Building is built backwards. Public criticizes; Architect commits suicide.
F. Various university libraries sink; books heavier than architect thought!
F. Same as above, but pool not library, weight of water, not books.
F. Lots of bldgs (malls, etc.) are rumored to be sinking into the ground.
[See "Back to the Drawing Board--Some Architectural Legends" in CBA]
T. Some universities, cities are riddled with semi-secret utility tunnels.
T. Clouds and other weather can transpire in the upper parts of high structures.
Fb.RC Church building plans reviewed by Pope/Vatican; response was "we are not
angels"; plans had no loos!
Fb.Bldg collapses due to gas explosion from buried dead elephant under it.
KILL YOUR TELEVISION!
Fb."Newlywed Game" husband televised response that the strangest place they
made love was "That'd be the butt, Bob."
F. The UK cartoon series "Cpt. Pugwash" had character names w/double entendres.
T. Woman goes into epileptic seizures upon hearing Mary Hart's [ET anchor] voice
F. Mr. Ed was actually a zebra. The series was in B/W so viewers couldn't tell.
Tb.Parents get a video for children. Find it was recorded over old porn tape!
REEFER MADNESS
F. "Blue star" or cartoon character (esp. Mickey Mouse) tattoos laced with LSD
is sold at schools <Important!> to hook kids into acid.
T. This UL is frequently spread via poorly typed/copied fliers.
T. LSD has been sold on blotter paper with cartoon characters.
[See "Blue Star Acid" in CBA also in TCD]
T. Person high on drugs stares at sun -- gets partial blindness.
F. Aspirin and Coca-Cola taken together get you high. (Nope. May cause insomnia)
U. More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
F. Tobacco cos. prepared to market/mfg joints if pot was legalized in '60s/'70s.
T. You can beat any drug test (in a Zen way) by not taking the test.
U. Guy on pot pulled over by police. Asked if he knew his speed. Was 5 mph!
F. There is no mention of the "Marlboro Man" in the FAQ list.
F. LSD accumulates in the brain and spinal column and shows up on x-rays.
ASTONISHING ANTIPODEAN ANTICS
F. Some part of Australia is antipodal to some part of N. America or Europe.
T. Cane toads are now a plague, originally imported to eat cane beetles.
U. Koalas are always stoned/drunk, as they eat alcohol in eucalyptus leaves.
U. Koalas, being filled with eucalyptus oil, "explode" in bushfires.
F. Kangaroos deliver the mail in the outback.
U. "Goanna Oil" dissolves muscle protein. Goannas are large native lizards.
U. Driver fools tourists in Milford tunnel bus, says motorbike is oncoming train
U. Dingos eat babies. Australian courts say YES, NO, YES.
Fb.Aussies put vegemite under eyelids to get high. Yum!
T. Some New Zealanders do not think very highly of Australians.
T. There sure are lots of stories about Vegemite down there.
LEWD FOOD
T. There're kosher Chinese restaurants in and around big East Coast cities.
T. Most mass-market beers contain "foaming agents" to make them form a head.
U. Eating lots of chicken fast food causes males to grow breasts (from hormones)
T. Eggs and chicken are horribly contaminated, and should NOT be eaten raw.
T. Unless marked "dairy", fast food shakes aren't milk: mostly carrageen gel.
T. Lead leaches from lead crystal decanters into drinks;this is not good for you
F. Eating carrots may improve night vision, because of large amounts of Vit A.
Tb.Microwaved food is better (other cooking allegedly creates carcinogens)
Tb.Eating celery takes more energy than its digestion yields.
U. Mick Jagger used a Mars bar as a dildo on nubile pop loon Marianne Faithful
F,T,T,U.Fast food places use unusual ingredients: worm, 'roo meat, seaweed, rat.
["'The Kentucky Fried Rat' and Other Nasties" in TVH]
F. Stranger at restaurant eats your cookies, you grab, later find you took his.
["The Packet of Biscuits" in TCD. Yes, yes, yes, this is the story Douglas
Adams claims really happened to him.]
F. Cook cheated into buying Mrs Fields' recipe, gets revenge by spreading it.
["The Mrs. Fields Cookie Recipe" in CBA. This UL is probably a descendant
of the "Red Velvet Cake" UL in TVH.] The recipe is Brian Reid's alt.gourmand
recipe file, available via anonymous ftp from gatekeeper.dec.com in the file
/pub/recipes/choc-chip-1. (Recipe date is Dec 10, 1985.)
F. Drinking distilled water is bad for you since you don't get "trace minerals"
F. Green M&M's ("Smarties" in UK and Canada) are an aphrodisiac
F. Red M&M's are a carcinogen (Nope, they used red dye #5,not dangerous #2)
[Both M&M legends are in "Green M&Ms" in TMP]
F. Ingesting a tapeworm will help you slim, so people do this regularly
["'Bosom Serpent' Legends" in TCD.]
T. Many CIA (and other gov't) snackbars are staffed by blind people.
F. Grape seeds can get caught in your appendix and give you appendicitis.
T. Steve Bellovin thinks diverticulitis may be source of this UL.
T. British army doses water with bromide (for purification), soldiers say it's..
U. ... to suppress soldiers' libidos. US Army salts their peters with saltpeter.
Fb.Kennedy family made their pile thru a Scotch import monopoly
Tb.Kennedy family made their pile thru smuggling Scotch during prohibition.
F. The red leaves of Poinsettias (aka the Xmas Plant) are deadly poisonous.
["The Poinsettia Myth" in TMP.]
T. Poinsettia sap and leaves are irritants and may harm small children.
T. People have been poisoned by eating food cooked on burning oleander branches.
Tb.Asparagus stinks up pee, but ability to smell it is genetically inherited.
T. Fresh seeds from plants of rose family react to form cyanide in the body.
T. Lots of Asian restaurants have humorous names to English speakers.
F. Mikey (Life cereal) exploded from eating Pop Rocks with soda (You wish!)
["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD]
F. A popular Mexican beer was made with urine.
T. Some people like to eat the placenta (aka afterbirth) of their children.
F. Shampoos and foreign beauty aids are made from aborted babies.
F. Couple travels to exotic locale with pet dog. Eaterie prepares it for them.
["Food and Restaurant Rumors and Legends" & "Unfortunate Pet Legends" in TCD]
F. Ethnic eateries (Chinese/East Indian/Italian) use cat/dog/human meat in place
of beef/pork as expected.
["The Eaten Pets" and "Further Ethnic Stereotype Legends" in TMP]
F. Cantaloupes are infected with salmonella and are thus bad to eat.
T. Someone prepares tuna sandwich. Removes tuna can label to find "Cat Food".
Fb.In pre-revolutionary Paris, peasants resold food from restaurant garbage.
T. Vegemite (and Marmite) is made from yeast by-products, salt, and other stuff.
Fb.Cannibalism was a common means of sustenance for past cultures.
F. "Instant" ramen noodles are coated w/wax and can cause intestinal blockage.
Fb.Drinking alcoholic beverages through a straw makes one drunker faster.
Tb.Carbonation in whisky and soda makes one drunk faster than a straight whisky.
F. Marco Polo brought pasta back to Italy from the Chinese.
Tb.Spinach has no more iron than other vegetables; UL due to misplaced decimal.
F. People eat chocolate because it gives them the same feeling as being in love.
F. Chocolate makes people horny.
F. Peeling labels off a beer bottle means you're: a) virgin, b) gonna get
lucky, c) sexually frustrated.
F. Eating hot bread is bad for you (alcohol, stomach upset, etc.)
SNUFF MOVIES
Tb.The Feds, cops, CIA, etc. have never actually found a real snuff film.
T. Scotland Yard has found no evidence of snuff films in the last 20 years.
F. "Snuff films" actually exist (Nope, tho' there are various wannabe fakes)
T. Some psychotics have taped the murder of their victims.
T. Search in WestLaw in 1991 showed no mention of cases on "snuff films"
U. Patrick Clark will make one for "two fifty".
By definition, a snuff film is one in which the film is the *purpose* of
(rather than incidental to) the murder. I.e. if they ran out of film, the
murder would be postponed until someone could run down to the 7-11 & get
more. Paul Lanning, the FBI's chief researcher into child pornographers
was quoted by "The Times" of London:
"In 20 years I have not seen any hard evidence that they have
commercially produced sexually explicit films of murders for the
gratification of other people. Simulated snuff movies using
special effects are so realistic there is no point in risking life
in jail."
Note to the new reader: please don't send or post e-mail saying "snuff movies
*could* exist, because people are naughty enough" - this is not in dispute;
the point is that no examples have yet come to light. Until someone shows
evidence of their existence, snuff films are in the same category as UFO's,
the Loch Ness monster, and Bruce Willis's hair -- i.e. "believed false."
UPSTANDING LEGENDS OF THE PENIS AND SCROTUM
F. Model's dick showed in a Sear's catalog ad for shorts (it was drawstring!)
T. But it looked a little like the model's wiener, and folks thought it was.
T. Nelson Rockefeller died of cardiac arrest while porking the help.
U. Errol Flynn banged out "Star-spangled Banner" on xylophone with his big dong
F. Gangster John Dillinger's long wang is pickled in a jar at/near Smithsonian.
F. In Nigeria, roving gangs of thieves may surreptitiously steal mens' dorks.
T. Groupies took plaster casts of pop singers' schlongs, inc Hendrix's whacker.
Tb.Adolf Hitler only had one testicle. Immortalized in many a kid's rhyme.
T. Masturbator's penis in hose chopped by fan blade of Hoover Dustette cleaner.
T. This is dubbed the legend of "the Cleaner and the Leaner Wiener".
U. Woman slits guy's scrotum, sticks straw in, and blows; he gets off on it...
F. Child in mall goes to toilet; is abducted; has willie cut off. [TCD]
F. Drunk joyriding on hood of car, loses parts to hood ornament at sudden stop.
F. Wife seduces cheating husband then superglues his plonker while he sleeps.
HIDE THE SALAMI
U. Cuckolded husband replaces contents of wife's pessaries with lye.
T. Mad doctor in Ohio cut off womens' clitoral hoods while operating on them.
T. People put assorted objects up their asses, get stuck, removed in hospital.
U. Well-known film star et al. put a gerbil up his ass for "wriggly furry fun"
["The Colo-Rectal Mouse" in TMP]
T. Gerbils are illegal in California. [CA Regs. Title 14, Sec. 260 (b)(10)(A)].
U. Well-known male pop star rushed from concert, stomach pumped free of semen.
F. Spanish fly (Cantharides) is aphrodisiac (actually genital tract irritant).
F. Girl slipped spanish fly at drive-in movie; found impaled on gear shift.
F. Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg in closet.
Fb.Hetero couple get stuck together while coupling. Separated at hospital.
F. One night stand, partner leaves early, other partner finds msg "Welcome to
the world of AIDS". ["AIDS Mary" in CBA]
F. Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for sodomy.
Tb.This may have actually happened in the Dutch army. Those officers!
F. `Baghdad Betty' told US army that Bart Simpson was sleeping with their wives.
Tb.Would-be rapist steals kisses; one Calif victim bit a piece off his tongue.
F. Man fills wife's lover's convertible with concrete.
["The Solid Cement Cadillac" in TVH]
T. Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to embolism.
F. Woman impregnated while swimming, due to sperm loose in pool.
F. Woman impregnated when hit by bullet that shot Civil War soldier's testicles.
Tb.Unintentional virgin birth happens occasionally in bizarre circumstances.
Tb.E.g. vagina-less woman, fellates lover, stabbed in gut by boyfriend,pregnant!
F. Silicone breasts expand under low pressure (e.g. airline stewardesses on job)
U. Mother threatens to discipline kid;kid threatens to squeal on mom's fellatio.
U. Woman gets a potato inserted in womb by midwife as pessary; it sprouts...
F. Husband informed that septic tank/toilet blockage due to too many condoms;
but he doesn't use them; confronts wife, she confesses affair w/milkman.
He waits and shoots milkman next day; but it was a substitute milkman!
["The Evidence" in TMP]
F. Couple goes to "love" hotel w/hot tub, mirrors, etc. Make the sign of the
six legged aardvark. Upon return, call up an X-movie and see themselves!
F. There was a significant increase in NYC births ~9 months after 1965 Blackout.
DISNEY DEMENTIA [AND OTHER AMUSEMENT PARK STORIES]
T. Disney parks are riddled with secret tunnels and surveillance equipment.
T. "Little Mermaid" video cover features good drawing of penis. Prank? Revenge?
T. There is a basketball hoop at the top of the Matterhorn replica.
T. Male Disneyites may not grow beards (& many other petty rules for women too)
T. There is a secret "Club 33" serving hard liquor,in New Orleans Sq,Disneyland.
T. Clerics in their robes are admitted to Disneyland at concessionary rates.
T. Wheelchairs & 1 attendant go to the front of the line for rides.
Tb.Disney ripped off Orlando county, thru grabbing Federal road funds
T. Woman alleges clit-tickling by one third of 3 Little Pigs; case thrown out
F. Three little pigs clit-tickled law-suit happy babe, with non-mobile arms.
F. Child disappears from Disneyland, found with new haircut, dyed by abductor.
T. SF writer Harlan Ellison fired from Dismall Studios after Mickey porn joke.
F. Old Walt Disney's dead body was frozen for later revivification.
F. Child goes for ride on popular ride; feels bites; dies from snake bites!
F. Water in "Tunnel of Love" ride infested with snakes. [Both in "Death in
the Funhouse" in _CBA_. Stephanie da Silva says this really happened to her.]
T. AFU WEST ][ was on December 12, 1991.
Tb.snopes was in Los Altos, California on January 28, 1992.
QUESTION AUTHORITY (and other conspiracies)
U. CIA fixed the Anarchist's Cookbook, so explosive blows up as you make it.
T. You may *own* the mailbox, but the US Postal Service controls what goes in it
T. The CIA, NSA and 11 different secret govt organizations tap & bug everything
T. Princess Anne was only female competitor not given sex test in 1976 Olympics.
T. London doctor struck off for inveigling Turkish peasants to donate a kidney.
F. Guy wakes up in Big City, a kidney has been stolen from him!
Tb.Hubbard started Scientology after Heinlein bet he couldn't found a religion.
T. P&G's logo does NOT reflect Satanic or Moonie ties.
["The Proctor & Gamble Trademark" in TCD]
Tb.Candy manufacturers sneakily micro-reduce size of product to gyp you.
F. Universal Product Codes (computer readable bar-codes) are marks of Satan.
P. VP Bush persuaded Iranians to delay hostage release to aid Reagan election.
U. Govt has secret plan to replace the currency overnight to foil drug barons.
Tb.CIA radio transmits spoken five digit code numbers to operatives worldwide
T. You can send a coconut thru the mail without any further wrapping. Yowser!
T. Some change-making machines can be fooled by photocopies of currency.
T. The NSA shortened the key length on DES.
U. The NSA shortened the key length on DES so they could crack everyone's codes.
T. The NIST is proposing a less secure digital signature standard than RSA...
U. because the NSA asked them to, so they could crack everyone's codes.
F. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Entenmann's bakery
U. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Waldenbooks.
Tb.Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns a fishprocessing plant in Gloucester
U. Those guys selling roses on roads are connected with the Moonies.
T. Entenmann's owned by General Foods, Philip Morris bought, merged w/ Kraft.
F. Govt cabbage price memo lots longer than var. patriotic/religious documents.
["The Price of Cabbage Memo" under "Government Legends" in TCD.]
F. Govt regularly burns WWII-era hemp fields. Only high officials know where.
F. If you are the first to read this and send me e-mail, you will receive $10.
Fb.Class requests satellite imaging photo; US says "no"; (then) USSR says "yes".
F. Compensation paid to kin of Salem witches up to 1957 (per _The Economist_).
T. Mass. recanted the Salem trials and freed the witches within a few years
T. Name of last alleged witch was cleared in 1957.
Tb.Whole business is extraordinarily similar to modern accusations of Satanism.
T. Crop circles (at least in the UK) have been shown to be man-made.
T. Mapmakers place copyright traps in maps (Rand-MacNally, no. Thomas Maps, yes)
U. Several noted movies have "death curses" on them.
Fb.Major firms/gov't suppress evidence of a super great product (car,light,etc.)
T. The USA did indeed have a 49 star flag.
U. If God sued Satan, it would make the FAQ List.
T. Channel 1 for TV existed in the US, but was eliminated by the FCC in 1945.
U. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
F. An undercover cop must answer yes to "Are you a cop?" to avoid entrapment.
Fb.Guy dodges draft by eating peanut butter/hotdog from rectum in front of MD.
F. Disraeli puked on Gladstone's shoes.
F. Noted atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair/O'Hare is petitioning the FCC to ban
religious broadcasting.
WILD LIFE IN THE FAST LANE
Fb.Schoolkid beheaded by road sign, due to sticking his head out the bus window.
Tb.Oregon Highway Div blows up eight ton dead whale, showers town with blubber.
Fb.Gas (petrol) engines pollute the same as diesel; diesel just smells worse.
Tb.Diesel engines emit more unburnt hydrocarbons than gas ones w/catalytic conv.
Fb.Power windows in cars trap kids' limbs, necks. Kill or maim them.
F. Stop signs with a white border are optional. (Oh, I don't think so...)
Fb.Airbag in car can give you acid-burn on the face when it deploys.
U. Driver sets cruise control, wrongly believes it steers too! Crashes...
["'Cruise Control' Stories" in TCD.]
Tb.Tree-lined French avenue triggers epileptic fits by flickering light at 11Hz.
F. The VW Beetle was designed by Hitler.
Fb.New car rattles -- note found in door frame from factory saboteur...
["The Rattle in the Cadillac" in TCD.Classic UL always involves a luxury car]
T. Montana & Wyoming have a token $5 fine for exceeding Federal 55mph limit.
T. Mongo-power engine installed in weenie-looking car. Blows off Corvettes.
T. John Somebody-or-other built car called "the Beast" with 27lt Spitfire engine
T. It eventually took off, and self-destructed on the A27 outside Brighton.
T. Special equipment can transmit any reading you want to police radar gun.
T. There are traffic lights with green on top in a few US Irish neighborhoods.
T. You can be guilty of DUI on a bicycle, horse, perambulator, etc most places.
T. Guy in Los Alamos labs fitted a jet engine to Honda Civic, ran on salt flats.
Fb.Man working on roof ropes himself to car on other side;wife drives off.Splat.
T. The "man on roof" appeared on a home video show in UK. Believed to be staged.
F. Hitchhiker disappears, is ghost of person killed years ago in road accident.
["The Vanishing Hitchhiker" in TVH and TMP]
F. Valuable classic car sold for pittance by (1) grieving parents of war dead
F,U(2) spouse of errant husband (3) heirs of person who died and rotted in it.
Fb.(4) sold by widow who would receive either car or proceeds of its sale.
["The Death Car" and "The Philanderer's Porsche" in TVH. "The Bargain
Sports Car" in CBA]
F. Psycho's handhook hanging from the car door, broken off as couple drove away
["The Hook" in TVH]
F. Carthief squashed dead in stolen BMW by collapsing freeway in '89 SF quake
F. Driving barefoot is illegal most places (Nope, but it's dumb to goad cops)
T. Driving barefoot is illegal in the state of Kentucky.
T. New York car thief stole lab delivery of cadaver heads...
U. Red sports cars generate disproportionate number of speeding tickets.
F. Man crashes into tollbooth while receiving fellatio from girlfriend.
Fb.Flashing your headlights will cause a traffic light to change faster.
Tb.There're lots folk remedies to plug up old radiators: cigarettes, pepper.
T. Lots of places have weird street names.
T. You can find lots of weird msgs on license plates if you try really hard.
Tb."SIGAlerts" in the greater LA area are actually named for a guy named Sig.
F. Couple's car out of gas; he gets help; she hears noise, then cops arrive;
tell her to leave & not look back; she does, sees him hanging or decapitated.
["The Boyfriend's Death" in TVH]
F. Guy trys to siphon gas from an RV but instead siphons from the septic tank;
found unconscious by RV next morning.
Tb."Maintenance-Free" batteries were invented for cheaper transport of new cars.
F. Police officer pulls over female driver. To her query on tickets to a
policemen's ball, he replies "Policemen don't have balls."
Fb.Woman gets in her car at night; is followed all the way home; calls for help;
husband comes and accosts the guy; guy was actually trying to warn woman of
thug in backseat. ["Killer in the Back Seat", TVH]
Fb.Parking spot taken from older woman by two younger women. They tell her
"Sorry we're younger and faster." Woman reflects, rams their car, and
replies "I'm older and richer". [Several variations on the repartee.]
["Old vs. Young" in TMP]
F. A motorcyclist at high speed hits a fly which goes to his brain via his eye.
F. An auto worker steals parts of a Caddy bit by bit until he has a whole car.
U. Fancy car owner puts "No Radio" sign in car. Returns to broken windshield
and "No Windshield" or "Get One" sign.
LEGENDS ABOUT NATATORY CAPABILITIES OF LARGE ANTHROPOID PRIMATES
Tb.Gorillas can't swim.
T. Certain tribes of Japanese macaques sift their grain in the sea.
Fb.Many simians hold regular swimming contests; winners mate w/ choice females.
Tb....Losers go on "The Love Connection".
P. Chimpanzee muscles are formed in a way that renders backstroke impossible.
T. Some monkeys prefer not to swim at all; will drown if dropped in water.
ASTOUNDING AVIAN ANOMALIES
F. Birds cannot sing while on the ground.
Tb.Govt forces commercial birdseed to be irradiated to stop hemp seed sprouting.
T. Radar emissions can kill birds, sterilize sailors, fry other small mammals.
T. Chickens are easily mesmerized. Whoopee.
F. Sprinkle salt on a bird's tail to catch it by preventing it flying away.
T. If the bird let you get close enough to salt its tail, you could grab it.
F. Seagulls (and other creatures) explode when you feed them Alka-Seltzer or
rice, or "pop-rocks" - dried coconuts?. ["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD].
DOGGIE-STYLE and CATTY-WUMPUSS [See also LEWD FOOD]
F. Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals whose urine contains urea.
T. Thanks (of some sort) to Phil "Joe Orgasmic Chemistry" Gustafson.
U. Dog put in microwave to dry out- dies gruesome death/lives to bark again.
["The Pet (or Baby) in the Oven" and "Hot Dog" in TVH. Also "I Read It
in the Paper" in TCD.]
T. A Baltimore lawyer was busted for microwaving a kitten in January 1992.
Fb.Trapper ties dynamite to coyote, releases; coyote runs under his car/house.
["The Coyote's Revenge" in TCD. There are also similar ULs with rabbits
and all are traced back to an old motif involving a cat in TMP]
F. Woman found a rat in Mexico and brought it home thinking it was a dog.
["The Mexican Pet" in TMP]
F. A Doberman chokes on fingers that it bit off burglar hidden in closet.
["The Choking Doberman" in TCD and TMP]
F. Plastic/glass water bottles on lawn prevent dogs urinating in the area.
F. Dead rabbit next door dug up by dog; washed, put in cage by frantic dogowner.
["The Hare Drier" in CBA.]
F. The scent of wolf dung terrifies dogs, so disposal by zoos is regulated.
F. Fox frees itself of fleas by gradual immersion, shifting fleas to lintball.
T. Radioactive cat litter found in May 1991 in Berkeley, Calif
U. Source of the litter was radioactive cat food? Cat on radiation therapy?
F. Killer whales will attack swimming dogs because they stink like hell.
F. Dead body discovered headless. Corpse eaten by dog!
Tb.STella once had a cat who occasionally liked to play with ghost turds.
T. Cats can carry a parasite (toxoplasmosis) which is esp. dangerous to fetuses.
Tb.Aspirin is very bad for cats (slow removal of salicyates from their bodies).
F. Dog gets shock from phone line, urinates, phone rings!
OTHER ANIMAL (BUT NON-BUGGY) CRACKERS
U. Every animal has enough brains in its head to preserve its own hide.
Fb.Driver runs over exotic animal,wraps in coat for fun photo;it revives, runs
off! Similar story: A hunter poses for picture w/deer w/rifle in antlers.
Fb.Farmer asks hunter to shoot mule; other hunter shoots another mule too.
T. Armadillos can contract leprosy.
U. Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans.
Tb.Cow-tipping (pushing over a sleeping cow) has happened.
Tb.Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile city kids.
Tb.Candiru fish, native to S. America, can swim into your urethra.
T. Fainting goats are real. Crimony!
T. Galapagos turtles do moan and groan during copulation.
F. Guinea pigs' eyes fall out if you hold them up by their tails.
T. Guinea pigs actually *do* have small stumpy vestigial tails. Take a look!
F. Cyndi Cuppernell bungee jumps guinea pigs with the cord attached to its tail.
Fb.Horse falls thru bottom of moving trailer, legs ground to stumps.
Fb.Otter, newly-released after $50K Valdez clean-up, is eaten by whale.
T. Rats cannot vomit (the basis for many rat poisons).
F. There are [albino] alligators inhabiting the sewers of New York City.
T. There sure seem to be lots of stories about pigeons.
T. Sewer rats can come into the house and bite one's behind while on the potty.
Tb.Gerbils are trained to sniff drugs in Canada.
[Where do they hide those drugs in Canada?]
U. Litter from released balloons choke and kill whales, birds, etc.
ARTHROPOD CRACKERS
T. Really big insects (snakes too) can get imported along with fruit shipments.
F. Bugs congregate in the pointy ends of bananas, so discard before eating.
F. Dragonflies ("darning needles") can sting you very severely.
T. Only hymenopterans sting. A large dragonfly may be strong enough to pinch.
F. If a dragonfly or a ladybug lands on you, you will have good luck.
T. "Killer" African bees are swarming into Texas from down South.
T. A lot of people have found live or dead insects in their fast food snacks.
T. Cockroaches love coffee, live in TV's, too often get in your cup or food.
T. Insect lays eggs in open wound; months later baby insects eat their way out.
F. Cactus shakes, then explodes with hundreds of scorpions/spiders.
["Spiders in the Yucca" in TMP]
F. Explorer gets bug in ear; bug eats thru to other ear; gave birth on way...
[Various ULs of this type under "A Bug in the Ear" in _CBA_]
Fb.Lobsters, dropped in boiling water, scream.(Nah, it's steam from under shell)
Fb.Moth/butterfly scales from wings will poison or blind you.
SOME REFERENCES:
Cecil Adams (_The Straight Dope_, 1984, ISBN 0-345-33315-2 and_More of the
Straight Dope_, 1988, ISBN 0-345-35145-2 both published by Ballantine
Books). Author of "The Straight Dope" Q&A column of _The Chicago
Reader_ and is syndicated in many alternative newspapers. Cecil is "a
National Treasure" who "tells people what they actually want and need
to know instead of useless rubbish." Worth reading if only for for his
writing style.
Jan Harold Brunvand (_The Vanishing Hitchhiker_, 1981, ISBN 0-393-95169-3;
_The Choking Doberman_, 1984, ISBN 0-393-30321-7; _The Mexican Pet_, 1986,
ISBN 0-393-30542-2; _Curses! Broiled Again_, 1989, ISBN 0-393-30711-5,
_The Study of American Folklore_, 2nd Ed., 1978, all published by W.W.
Norton) is one of the leading folklorists today and has done much to
popularize the study of ULs. Also has a great back hand.
Alfie Kohn, _You Know What They Say...The Truth About Popular Beliefs_,
1990, ISBN 0-06-092115-3, Harper. Pretty good book with, get this,
*references* to stuff in the back.
G. & C. Merriam Co., _Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary_, 1977, ISBN
0-87779-348-4. Great bedside reading. Check it out sometime.
William Poundstone (_Big Secrets_, 1983, Morrow and _Bigger Secrets_, 1986,
Houghton-Mifflin). Sorry, it's a secret. [I understand from Graham Toal
that these books may be ordered from Blackwells in Oxford (via phone).]
Peter van der Linden (_The Official Handbook of Practical Jokes_ Signet,
ISBN 0-451-15873-3, 1989 and _The Second Official Handbook of Practical
Jokes_, 1991, Signet, ISBN 0-451-16924-7). Do you want to get the scoop
on practical jokes that actually have some real world validity rather
than those dreamed up by prepubescent college kids on bad banana peels?
Try checking these two bricks^H^H^H^H^H^H books out. You'll find ULs,
delightfully bad illustrations, and even practical jokes. As a bonus,
get the real dope on STella. A free gerbil to anyone who sends in the
cover page from a volume with her STella (offer void in California
under Title 14, Sec. 260 (b) (10) (A)). $3.50 ea. Cheap!
===============================================================================
An urban legend:
* appears mysteriously and spreads spontaneously in varying forms
* contains elements of humor or horror (the horror often "punishes"
someone who flouts society's conventions).
* makes good storytelling.
* does NOT have to be false, although most are. ULs often have a basis
in fact, but it's their life after-the-fact (particularly in reference
to the second and third points) that gives them particular interest.
===============================================================================
Unbounded thanks to: Jane Beckman, Mark Brader, Jack Campin, Raymond Chen,
Cathi A.Cook, Scott Deerwester, all the Terry's: Carroll, Chan, Monks, Wood,
etc., David Esan, Alan Frisbie, Tom Greer, Phil Gustafson [by a thread],
David A. Honigs, Wendy Foran Howard, Jim Jones, Cindy Kandolf, Susan Mudgett,
Bill Nelson, Tom Neff, Christophe Pettus, Brian Scearce, Randal Schwartz,
Ken Shirriff, snopes, Dwight Tovey, Peter van der Linden, and Greg Widdicombe.
OTHERS?
Have you ever wondered how those people have gotten the name at the end
of the FAQ list? Those on the list above are people who are widely recognized
as thoughtful posters of reliable information. They have consistently added
value to various debates by sharing their point of view, and often researching
difficult questions which arise on the net, and posting authoritative facts
citing sources.
The official way for joining the list of distinguished AFU-ers is to
take one of these unanswered questions that come now and then, research
it and reach a definitive conclusion (or demonstrate that one cannot be
found). Post your findings. If the report is sound, and the original
question was non-trivial, you will be added to the acknowledgements section
of the FAQ list! Be prepared to submit references. We are mostly adults
here. Be prepared to discuss and debate your research and conclusions here.
The unofficial way to get on the list is to give me a big payoff.
If you have general comments, you can post them to the net or to me. If you
have specific comments, you can either hold 'em between your knees or send
them to me (your choice, but don't send them to me after you've held them
between your knees) at the e-mail address below.
Original FAQ list by Peter van der Linden, February, 1991.
Maintained by Terry Chan since July, 1991.
Mildly tinkered with in a few trivial ways, PvdL, December 9, 1991
Masterfully improved formating courtesy of Tom Neff, December 16, 1991.
Last updated: April 15, 1992, by Terry Chan.
--
================================================================================
INTERNET: twc...@lbl.gov BITNET: twc...@lbl.bitnet
"I think it's stupid. We collect all these business cards, and it turns
out nobody wants them."
t...@vm2.cis.pitt.edu
> T. Terry Wood spelled "Hindenburg" correctly once.
Oh yea, PROVE IT!
Terry "Just another corporate stooge for Prodigy" Wood
S. Mudgett aka little gator
(Terry Chan) writes:
>
> Occasionally, someone will post something to the effect of: "That
> actually happened you st*p*d, f*ck*ng, b*st*rds, Jan Harold Brunvand
> is all wet, the FAQ list is wrong, the sun rises in the West and it's
> not an urban legend." As noted elsewhere in this list and by astute
> individuals on the net, an UL does not have to be false. If we take
i one posted a ul saying "when i was a kid we believed that (fill in the blank)
was true, and got flamed for not providing proof that it was true.
> OFFICIAL AFU MASCOT
> - My pet King snake, Elvis
> - Peter's pet dalmatian dog, Pixel
> - snopes' pet cat, snopes
> - Joe Chew's pet gerbil, Dicky
how about my non-biological ("stuffed" to you non-pc types)gator, harvee?
--
-- little gator aka S. Mudgett email: s...@harvee.uucp
-- friend of a gator is a friend of mine
Peter van der Linden
> Do you know how hard it is to housebreak a troll?
Hey -- you knew what he was like when you married him!
--
Peter van der Linden lin...@eng.sun.com
Reality check #34: Gallagher has a bozo haircut, but is not a very funny clown
Cindy Kandolf
Cynthia Kandolf wants to know (regarding pet troll Stein)
>> Do you know how hard it is to housebreak a troll?
>
>Hey -- you knew what he was like when you married him!
No, no, NO... Steinar is my husband, Stein is my troll. They don't even
look alike. Honest.
-Cindy Kandolf
ci...@solan.unit.no
Trondheim, Norway
Terry Chan
+Do we have to know *all* of this for the final?
No, only the parts relating to gerbils, posh, and snuff films.
Terry "And Kibo, of course" Chan
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"Two Thumbs Up!"
Matthew P Wiener
|NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
| "It could have happened, so it must be true."
| "Sheesh!"
| "Sorry to inject some facts into this newsgroup..."
| "It COULD have happened so it MUST have happened"
| "Bula Vinaka"
| "I read it on USENET so it must be true."
| "You st*p*d f*ck*ng b*st*rds..."
| "The way I heard it..."
| "I read it in the paper..."
| "I think it's stupid. We collect all these business cards, and it turns
| out nobody wants them."
"I will not trade my mumpsimus for your sumpsimus."
--
-Matthew P Wiener (wee...@libra.wistar.upenn.edu)
Phil Gustafson
>|NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
Well, it certainly goes over my head. I'm sure I'm not the only one to
need an explanation.
Phil "But the gostak distims the doshes" Gustafson
|play: ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG; {ames|pyramid|vsi1}!zorch!phil |
|work: phil@gsi; sgi!gsi!phil | Phil Gustafson |
| Widely recognized as a thoughtful challenger of pseudointellectual
poseurs since 1964 |
S. Mudgett aka little gator
(Phil Gustafson) writes:
>
> Phil "But the gostak distims the doshes" Gustafson
s
Jay Ashworth
MPW> In article <22...@dog.ee.lbl.gov>, twcaps@tennyson (Terry Chan) writes:
MPW> |NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
MPW> | "It could have happened, so it must be true."
MPW> | "Sheesh!"
MPW> | "Sorry to inject some facts into this newsgroup..."
MPW> | "It COULD have happened so it MUST have happened"
MPW> | "Bula Vinaka"
MPW> | "I read it on USENET so it must be true."
MPW> | "You st*p*d f*ck*ng b*st*rds..."
MPW> | "The way I heard it..."
MPW> | "I read it in the paper..."
MPW> | "I think it's stupid. We collect all these business cards, and it
MPW> turns | out nobody wants them."
MPW> "I will not trade my mumpsimus for your sumpsimus."
I was told we wouldn't have to do parliamentary procedure in this newsgroup.
Cheers,
-- jra
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jay R. Ashworth jra%ac...@tct.com
Ashworth & Associates Jay_Ashworth@{psycho.fidonet.org,
An Interdisciplinary Consultancy f160.n3603.z1.fidonet.org}
in Advanced Technology +1_813_449_UNIX@Long_Lines.com
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UUCP: ...!uunet!myrddin!tct!psycho!160!Jay.Ashworth
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Michael A. Covington
>>|NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
>> "I will not trade my mumpsimus for your sumpsimus."
>
>Well, it certainly goes over my head. I'm sure I'm not the only one to
>need an explanation.
Story of an illiterate medieval priest who memorized the Mass in Latin
without understanding it, and said "mumpsimus" (which is not a word)
in place of "sumpsimus" (which means "we have taken up" -- I don't know
the context).
When challenged, he stuck to his ground.
I propose "Mumpsimus" as the more concise Latin motto of AFU.
--
==========================================================================
Michael A. Covington, Ph.D. | mcov...@uga.cc.uga.edu | ham radio N4TMI
Artificial Intelligence Programs | U of Georgia | Athens, GA 30602 U.S.A.
==========================================================================
Warren Burstein
> "I will not trade my mumpsimus for your sumpsimus."
"I will not buy this tobacconist's. It is scratched."
--
/|/-\/-\ The entire *** Jerusalem
|__/__/_/ is a very *** ***.
|warren@ But the ***
/ nysernet.org is not ***.
Jay Ashworth
MAC> I propose "Mumpsimus" as the more concise Latin motto of AFU.
Second.
vance kochenderfer
>In <75...@netnews.upenn.edu> wee...@libra.wistar.upenn.edu (Matthew P Wi
>
>> "I will not trade my mumpsimus for your sumpsimus."
>
>
Vance "just had to say it" Kochenderfer
Virginia Tech | 'Trust me, I know what I'm doing'
ae31...@vtcc1.cc.vt.edu | -Sledge Hammer
vkoc...@nyx.cs.du.edu <- New Address, try it first..
Jeffrey S. Curtis
}Michael A. Covington, to All on Sunday April 26 1992:
} MAC> I propose "Mumpsimus" as the more concise Latin motto of AFU.
}Second.
How about "I was told we wouldn't have to have mottos in this newsgroup"?
:-)
Jeff
--
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
+ Jeffrey S. Curtis sidew...@uiuc.edu + "Watch the world argue / Argue with +
* "To be great is to be misunderstood." * itself / Who's going to teach me / *
+ "Insist on yourself - never imitate." + peace and happiness?" -- INXS +
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Matthew P Wiener
>In article <1992Apr24.0...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG> ph...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG (Phil Gustafson) writes:
>>In article <75...@netnews.upenn.edu> wee...@libra.wistar.upenn.edu (Matthew P Wiener) writes:
>>>|NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
>>> "I will not trade my mumpsimus for your sumpsimus."
>>Well, it certainly goes over my head. I'm sure I'm not the only one to
>>need an explanation.
>Story of an illiterate medieval priest who memorized the Mass in Latin
>without understanding it, and said "mumpsimus" (which is not a word)
>in place of "sumpsimus" (which means "we have taken up" -- I don't know
>the context).
>When challenged, he stuck to his ground.
>I propose "Mumpsimus" as the more concise Latin motto of AFU.
I was hoping someone else would spell it out in detail. The story can
be found in the Oxford English Dictionary--I checked the 2nd edition, but
I presume the 1st edition has it also.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking under the word "mumpsimus", we find:
mumpismus. [In allusion to the story (in R Pace _De Fructu_
1517 p 80) of an illiterate English priest, who when corrected
for reading `quod in ore _mumpsimus_' in the Mass, replied,
`I will not change my old mumpsimus for your new sumpsimus'.]
1a. One who obstinately adheres to old ways, in spite of the
clearest evidence that they are wrong; an ignorant and bigoted
opponent of reform. (Obs.)
1b. Used as a vague term of contempt: An `old fogey'. ? Also
= MUMPS. (Obs.)
<=* Mumps is defined, with an uncertain mumpsimusian etymology,
as "a term of contempt or mock endearment for a woman". I
would derive it from "mum" or "mums", not "mumpsimus. *=>
2. A traditional custom or notion obstinately adhered to
however unreasonable it is shown to be.
3. attrib. quasi-adj. Stupidly conservative.
Looking under the word "sumpsimus", we find:
||sumpsimus. [L., 1st pers. pl. perf. ind. of _sumere_ to take.]
A correct expression taking the place of an incorrect but popular
one (mumpsimus).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Curiously, the m-word is considered to be definitely English, while the
s-word, being true Latin, is still considered to be a foreign word.
"Mumpsimus!" seems to be the perfect AFU--heck, USENET--rallying cry. Not
only does it summarize an all too common situation regarding ULs, the word
comes ready made with its own folkloric birth, involving a plausible but
probably untrue story.
--
-Matthew P Wiener (wee...@sagi.wistar.upenn.edu)
Michael A. Covington
We've got a motto, folks!