Twinkies
Mark Dadgar
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| Mark Dadgar | 6600...@ucsbuxa.ucsb.edu | Outland Sucks!! |
+-----------------+ 6600...@ucsbuxa.bitnet | Where's Bloom |
| Disclaimer: +---------------------------+ County When We |
| Would UCSB write anything this good? | Need It?! |
+---------------------------------------------+------------------|
| "And if you ask me 'Where do we go from here?' |
| My own destination even isn't really that clear |
| So if you'll join me, and get on your knees as pray |
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| Clutching the Short Straw.." |
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Drew Burnett
>Speaking of folklore, what IS the shelf-life of a Twinkie?
>
Twinkies don't have shelf lives, they have *half* lives of approximately
100 years.
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Purdue University | Drew Burnett | Reds : 8 - 0 |
| Computer Science Major | g...@mentor.cc.purdue.edu | Go Big Red Machine!|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Eric Bowman
According to some guy on Late Night w/DL a couple of nights ago, it's
four (!) days. I can't think of the guys name, but he was plugging his book,
called _Bigger Secrets_, or something like that.
Later,
BObo
bowman@reed.{bitnet,UUCP,edu}
TACO...@ysub.ysu.edu
Remember: IF IT DOESN'T SPOIL, DON'T EAT IT!
Robert Bowdidge
>In article <47...@hub.UUCP> 6600...@ucsbuxa.ucsb.edu (Mark Dadgar) writes:
>night (repeat) and they had this guy on who wrote a book about strange
>things....like what is that white stuff inside twinkies? turns out its
>beef fat with sugar and stuff added.... the white stuff in oreos is lard
>(pork fat) and sugar... bleah.
Two references on fast food recipes are "Bigger Secrets" by William Poundstone
and "Secret Fast Food Recipes" by Gloria Pitzer.
If you're seriously into Twinkies, you might want to look up:
Stern, Michael and Jane, "Twinkie, Twinkie, little suet-filled sponge-cake
Crisco log, now I know just what you are -- baking America's favorite processed
snack cake at home", SPY Magazine, July 1989, pp 96-100
The above article describes the history of Twinkies, their shelf life (4
days), and a recipe based on a number of guesses by investigative reporters.
Their recipe for the filling was:
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/2 cup lard
1/2 cup beef suet (ask butcher to grind it for you)
1 cup Crisco
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground lecithin
1/2 teaspoon artificial butter flavoring
1/2 teaspoon salt
Skim milk (to proper consistency.)
Combine all ingredients except skim milk in food processor. Process until
thoroughly blended. Gradually add skim milk by the tablespoon until proper
"creamy" consistency is acheived.
Observe, but don't eat.
Joe Bob says to check the article out...
-- Robert
bowd...@cs.ucsd.edu
BACS Data Communications Group
>In article <47...@hub.UUCP> 6600...@ucsbuxa.ucsb.edu (Mark Dadgar) writes:
>>Speaking of folklore, what IS the shelf-life of a Twinkie?
others write:
>Twinkies don't have shelf lives, they have *half* lives of
>approximately 100 years.
...
>I have heard that bacteria just will not eat a twinkie, ever.
...
>Remember: IF IT DOESN'T SPOIL, DON'T EAT IT!
previously posted to rec.humor by author's permission:
BIOLOGY OF SNACK CAKES
----------------------
Prepared by Eric Kollenberg
21 Feb. 1986
I. INTRODUCTION
As you probably know (unless you're incredibly stupid), life on this
planet (Earth) is divided into three basic groups - plants, animals,
and snack cakes. Although volumes of boring material have been
written about the former two subjects, there is a notable lack of
reference material covering the latter. So I made some up.
II. EVOLUTION AND CLASSIFICATION
Snack caves developed over two-and-a-half zillion years ago (and if
you look on the shelves of some 24-hour convenience stores, you can
find samples nearly that old), when the seas were full of Campbell's
primordial soup. This prehistoric mixture of propylene glycol,
potassium benzoate, butylhydroxytoluene, sodium citrate, primitive
emulsifiers, and other "building blocks of snack cake" spawned the
first one-celled crumbs. Eventually, these crumbs began to colonize
around central specialized cells called endofill (known to the
layperson as "creme filling"). The colonies developed into types:
spongospores and diablospores (devil's food cake). An example of the
former is the common Twinkie (_Hostus* hostilus_), the latter is
typified by the primitive "Suzy Q" (_Hostus satanis_). In a bid for
survival, some varieties, such as the _Hostus hostum_ (Ho-Ho) and the
_Hostus zippum_ (Ding-Dong) evolved protective inedible outer shells,
or exofrostings.
There are many gaps in the scheme, such as the common crumb cake,
which some have suggested has an extraterrestrial origin, and the
mythical "Little Debbie." However, these topics are outside the scope
of this paper, which is another way of saying that I'm getting tired
of typing.
III. BIOCHEMISTRY
What complex interaction of RNA, DNA and enzymes is responsible for
the behavior of these species? What are the chemical reactions
occurring within the cell tissue? Do I look like a chemist? How the
hell should I know?
IV. FEEDING
The Suzy-Q is a typical example of mimicry in the natural world.
Resembling a food item, it lies in wait in its natural habitat, the
grocery store shelf. Then it dives down the throat of the
unsuspecting victim, gagging it. The Suzy-Q now turns itself inside
out like a feeding starfish, and digests the victim with its potent
creme filling.
V. REPRODUCTION
"Oh, boy," you're thinking. Well, you sickening little pervert, you
don't think I'm going to pander to your prurient curiosity, do you?
Actually, I'd be glad to (especially for money), but the breeding
habits of snack cakes have never been observed. This is something of
a mystery, since more specimens are always being sighted under car
seats, behind refrigerators, and behind the legs of vending machines.
Speculation about the reproductive habits of the common Twinkie
have... Naahh, that's too disgusting to even think about.
VI. SOURCES
1. Daniken, Erich von, _Snack Cakes of the Ancient Alien Flying
Saucer Pyramid Gods_ 1969.
2. Ibid, William, _Growing Up in the Ibid Family: An Autobiography_
1947.
3. Writer, Staff, "Woman Possessed by Aliens, Unfaithful Hubby Kills
and Eats Her" 1 Mar 1986 _National Devourer_.
4. Writer, Staff, "New Chocolate and Beer Diet Cures Cancer,
Improves Sex Life, Lose 400 lbs, Wash Behind Your Ears"
1 Jan 1985 _Midnite Globule_.
* Hostess is a registered trademark of the Hostess Artificial Food
Substitute Division of I.T.T., an exporter of international
corruption. It is used without permission, for which hordes of oily
lawyers will probably descend on me and cut out my lungs with a
hacksaw.
[This paper was originally submitted as a Silly Science Fair (tm)
project at an SF con in Chicago, along with another on reproduction of
coathangers. It included a cross-sectional diagram of a Twinkie, and
dissection photos (yuck!) of other species.]
--
Frank re...@ucs.indiana.edu
Steve Robiner
>Speaking of folklore, what IS the shelf-life of a Twinkie?
I saw a man on Late Night with David Letterman the other day who addressed
this question. He was an expert on food additives and ingrediants - this
guy was for real and knew his stuff. Anyway...
He said twinkies have a shelf life of four days (that's what the manufactuer
recommmends to stores. He also said that the cream filling is mostly composed
of lard from beef fat.. Seriously. He said it, of course, also contains
a lot of sugar.
=steve=
>
Jeff Daly
>Speaking of folklore, what IS the shelf-life of a Twinkie?
i don't know, but its not very long.. i was watching letterman the other
night (repeat) and they had this guy on who wrote a book about strange
things....like what is that white stuff inside twinkies? turns out its
beef fat with sugar and stuff added.... the white stuff in oreos is lard
(pork fat) and sugar... bleah.
-jef
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Thomas I Hopkins
> Speaking of folklore, what IS the shelf-life of a Twinkie?
And how many have heard the stories about people dying and being well
preserved by all the junk food and preservatives they have eaten over the
years?
-Tom Hopkins <hop...@bu-pub.bu.edu>
Steve Portigal
Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
Steve
--
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I can't be held repsonsible for anything...I am brain dead from all
this terminal time.
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"Black and Huge" -- GWAR
Eric P. Scott
>I have heard that bacteria just will not eat a twinkie, ever.
>
>Remember: IF IT DOESN'T SPOIL, DON'T EAT IT!
Anyone from the UCLA Computer Club read this newsgroup? When I
was there in 1980 the log book had a (Linda?) story about
finding a 3-year-old Jack in the Box cheeseburger wrapper under
the seat of her Volkswagen... with a little bit of the "cheese"
stuck on it, every bit as pliable as the day it was served.
Something about "if the bugs won't eat it" ???
-=EPS=-
Tim Miller
S> Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
S> it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
S> ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
Both. I always heard it as 7 *days*.
If it were *years* I'd have starved to death by the time I was 14.
Timothy J. Miller
cer...@bucsf.bu.edu
"So anyway..."
Hopelessly in love w/Donna Reed
i seem to remeber a story about a kid who fell asleep while chewing Bubble
Yum and woke up to find spider webs all over his face...
obviously not too logical, since if there were spider eggs in the gum,
i would think that chewing it would destroy them...
-d
Kunst | Dave Stein
gleich | an...@cs.ucsb.edu
Kapital | angst%c...@ucsbuxa.bitnet
(>1) | ...ucbvax!ucsbcsl!cornu!angst
Steve Portigal
I thought this was two stories: i) there were spider eggs in Bubble Yum
and ii) someone fell asleep, and a spider lay eggs in a pimple on their
nose, several (weeks/months) later the eggs hatched and the person
went nuts.
This was around the same time that there was a rumour that McDonalds
put red worms in their burgers. A McDonald's spokesperson said that red
worms cost more per pound than beef, so they obviously wouldn't use it.
Woogywoogywoogy!
In article <48...@hub.ucsb.edu> an...@cs.ucsb.edu writes:
>wasn't there an urban legend floating around about spider eggs in Bubble Yum?
>
>i seem to remeber a story about a kid who fell asleep while chewing Bubble
>Yum and woke up to find spider webs all over his face...
>
>obviously not too logical, since if there were spider eggs in the gum,
>i would think that chewing it would destroy them...
>
>-d
>Kunst | Dave Stein
As a follow-up...
I was discussing this particular myth with a friend who is four years
older than I am. I was about seven when this rumor started going
around (and got propigated to the point that Life Savers, the company
the makes Bubble Yum, took an ad out in the New York Times in an
effort to dispel the stories). My friend was a more sophisticated 11
years old. I was gullible enough to fall for the "spiders eggs in the
Bubble Yum will kill you, so don't eat Bubble Yum"; John (the friend)
said among the smarter/older set it ran "spiders eggs in the Bubble
Yum will give you cancer, and cancer will kill you".
--troll
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The history of the world is the record of a man in quest of his daily
bread and butter."
- H.W. VanLoon "The Story of Mankind"
Edward Vielmetti
Bubble Yum was a huge hit when I was in 6th grade in Ishpeming,
Michigan -- I guess that town was a test market for the stuff. Then
all of a sudden it was extremely hard to get. No explanation why.
Sometimes a friend would be in Milwaukee and bring back a few pieces.
It finally reappeared a few years later, but after the spider eggs
stories started.
--Ed
Edward Vielmetti, U of Michigan math dept.
e...@math.lsa.umich.edu
Dave Pirmann
sleeping person's nose and laid eggs in it.... the story was published
in an old Alfred Hitchcock story collection circa 1960(?).
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Pirmann RPO 827
pir...@rutgers.edu PO Box 5063
Rutgers College New Brunswick, NJ 08903-5063
Mitch Wagner
>
>i seem to remeber a story about a kid who fell asleep while chewing Bubble
>Yum and woke up to find spider webs all over his face...
>
>obviously not too logical, since if there were spider eggs in the gum,
>i would think that chewing it would destroy them...
>
Here's the story I heard from a friend when I was 15 years old. She
said it happened to her cousin.
WARNING TO THE SQUEAMISH: This one had me shuddering in revulsion every
time I thought of it for *months.* Don't complain to me or my sysadmin
(who owes me money anyway, so he won't do anything.)
You've been warned.
Okay, the story I heard was that a woman went down to Mexico and went on
a cave tour. When she returned, she developed this rash all up and down
one side of her face. Went to the doctors, they couldn't cure her.
Things went on for months, with this woman seeing doctor after doctor
to no avail.
One morning she wakes up to the fiercest itching she's ever known coming
from the rash on her face. She scratches and scratches, and tears the
rash open, and all of these thousands of baby spiders start crawling out...
all over her face... into her eyes... up her nose... into her mouth...
The woman went crazy from the experience, and has been institutionalized
to this day.
Have a nice lunch.
--
Mitch wag...@utoday.UUCP
"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't
know." ---Mark Twain, "Life on the Mississippi"
Eric P. Scott
pir...@porthos.rutgers.edu (Dave Pirmann) writes:
>I seem to remember reading a story about a spider who crawled up a
>sleeping person's nose and laid eggs in it.... the story was published
>in an old Alfred Hitchcock story collection circa 1960(?).
I vaguely remember a Twilight Zone/Outer Limits-type episode
about the earwig (which supposedly crawled in one ear and out
the other) "It was a female ... and females lay eggs" [scream;
fade] I was also reminded of this by Star Trek-The Wrath of
Khan.
-=EPS=-
Mike McManus
> Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
> it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
> ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
>
> Steve
My dentist told me this when I was little. Personally, I think it's a
parental-ploy to keep kids from swallowing gum!
--
Disclaimer: All spelling and/or grammer in this document are guaranteed to be
correct; any exseptions is the is wurk uv intter-net deemuns.
Mike McManus (mik...@ncr-fc.FtCollins.ncr.com)
NCR Microelectronics
2001 Danfield Ct. ncr-fc!mik...@ncr-sd.sandiego.ncr.com, or
Ft. Collins, Colorado ncr-fc!mik...@ccncsu.colostate.edu, or
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Mark R. Anderson
>In article <1990Apr21.2...@jarvis.csri.toronto.edu> ste...@dgp.toronto.edu (Steve Portigal) writes:
>> Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
>> it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
>> ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
>>
>> Steve
>
>My dentist told me this when I was little. Personally, I think it's a
>parental-ploy to keep kids from swallowing gum!
Try this experiment at home: chew some gum and peanuts at the same time.
Betcha can't do it for more that a couple of minutes before the gums
gone.
Peanut oil is a good way to get gum off of clothing or out of hair.
I guess its possible, but with the amount of peanut butter that kids
eat my guess is that gum doesn't stand a chance.
Lawrence Detweiler
Y'know I think an astonishing number of urban legends are transmitted by
children, the obvious reason being gullibility. Here's one: crunching
on ice ruins your teeth. C'mon, anyone else? I'll bet there are ALL KINDS.
Deborah Brown
>Here's the story I heard from a friend when I was 15 years old. She
>said it happened to her cousin.
>WARNING TO THE SQUEAMISH: This one had me shuddering in revulsion every
>time I thought of it for *months.* Don't complain to me or my sysadmin
>(who owes me money anyway, so he won't do anything.)
[Disgustin' story edited.]
Something similar happened to a "friend of a friend". She had purchased a
cactus - I don't know what type - one of the tall, thin ones.
Anyway, she went out shopping after she had it for a few days, and when she got
home, the thing was MOVING. You know, kind of squirming all over. She called
the florist where she bought it and told them what it was doing and was told to
"get out of the house! Immediately!" Minutes later, a van from the store
pulled up in front of the house, three guys got out with a large pllastic
garbage bag and ran into her house. They put the cactus into the bag and at
that very second, the cactus exploded into THOUSANDS of baby tarantulas.
Seems mama tarantulas like to lay their eggs in cacti, 'cause it's cool and wet.
Sometimes the people who "harvest" them don't check very carefully for this,
and this is what happens.
This story is TRUE and I have nearly a dozen people here who will swear to it.
***********************************Oh boy!*************************************
Quote: "If you look into my eyes, you'll see another soul." Sam, QUANTUM LEAP
Disclamer: "Disclaim THIS, pal!" (my employer thinks I'm working)
I am: Debbie Brown cci632!jloda!deb -OR- deb%jloda@cci632
********** It's 1995: do you know where your quantum physicist is? ************
M Darrin Chaney
Not doubting that children are gullible, but crunching ice _is_ bad for your
teeth. Ask your dentist about it. I saw a show on TV where some dentists
were talking about how harmful it is. Hard to imagine, though, I suppose.
Darrin
mdchaney@iubacs
mdch...@rose.ucs.indiana.edu
mdch...@bronze.ucs.indiana.edu
John W. Keating
>
Really? I always heard that crunching ice is a sign of impotency.
--
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* Internet: kea...@rex.cs.tulane.edu * Cos I know what it means * *
* Usenet: ...!pyramid!rex!keating * To walk along the lonely * John W. *
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Steve Portigal
>
>Y'know I think an astonishing number of urban legends are transmitted by
>children, the obvious reason being gullibility. Here's one: crunching
>on ice ruins your teeth. C'mon, anyone else? I'll bet there are ALL KINDS.
I was sure this was true! I still warn people against chewing ice!
Any dental types out there wanna set the record straight?
Drew Burnett
>>
>>Y'know I think an astonishing number of urban legends are transmitted by
>>children, the obvious reason being gullibility. Here's one: crunching
>>on ice ruins your teeth. C'mon, anyone else? I'll bet there are ALL KINDS.
>
>
I was always told that the ice *somehow* made the enamel weaken, hence
increasing the chances of getting a chipped tooth.
To those who are interested, the hot water experiments start tonight!
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Purdue University | Drew Burnett | Reds : 9 - 1 |
Dan Tilque
> pir...@porthos.rutgers.edu (Dave Pirmann) writes:
>>I seem to remember reading a story about a spider who crawled up a
>>sleeping person's nose and laid eggs in it.... the story was published
>>in an old Alfred Hitchcock story collection circa 1960(?).
These spider laying eggs stories may have been started by the egg
laying behavior of a tropical fly which does lay eggs on people
and animals. However, the fly does not do it on unbroken skin but
rather needs a sore or scratch or something.
There was an article in a recent Science News about it -- I could find it
and post more details if anyone is really interested.
>I vaguely remember a Twilight Zone/Outer Limits-type episode
>about the earwig (which supposedly crawled in one ear and out
>the other) "It was a female ... and females lay eggs" [scream;
I always thought the earwig stories predated urban myths, i.e. old-wives
tales.
---
Dan Tilque -- da...@mrloog.WR.TEK.COM
Another pile of self-replicating chemicals
>
This isn't a food superstition, but as I recall everyone believed
this when I was about 10: If you cross your eyes and hit the back of
your head, your eyes will stay crossed. It made everyone nervous when
they tried to cross their eyes.
--DAlanSFT
--
******************************************************************************
*** "It was a miracle of rare device, *** prolf!deer!xinortket... ***
*** A sunny pleasure dome with caves of ice!"*** ...tektronix!reed!florp ***
******************************************************************************
Timothy Whalen
in-med-school-instruction symptom of anemia.
The only problem is, I think I'm the person who started the rumour.
Uncle Wayne
My mother had been crunching ice for years before her doctor
told her this after she had been diagnosed as anemic. You may
have started the rumor, but it seems to have spread a good ways.
Wayne Morrison ARPA: te...@tis.com
Trusted Information Systems UUCP: uunet!tis.com!tewok
Glenwood, MD (301)854-5331
Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day.
Teach a man to use emacs and he can eat for life.
- Me
calvino spinstero
>... He also said that the cream filling is mostly composed
>of lard from beef fat.. Seriously. He said it, of course, also contains
>a lot of sugar.
It also flouresces in black light (UV). [Just ask any MIT'ers that might
have lived through one of Sr.House's Triennial VBTB's...] It looks
distinctly non-food-like under those circumstances.
--
Domains: pokey%spcm...@sun.com work-phone:(415)336-5307
Richard A. Schumacher
>>... He also said that the cream filling is mostly composed
>>of lard from beef fat.. Seriously. He said it, of course, also contains
>>a lot of sugar.
Why should this be hard to believe?
Just read the ingredient list. Everything is listed in order
of decreasing weight, and some form of fat is right up
near the top.
I used to like them. It's amazing what I can't stand to eat
anymore since learning how to read labels.
Enjoy!
Chris D. Nebel
BTW, I'm certain that Twinkies are good for more than four days. They don't
taste one bit different after 6 weeks, in fact. :)
Chris Nebel
ne...@wam.umd.edu
Chris D. Nebel
>it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
>ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
This may actually be true, in a certain way. I figure it's a somewhat
mangled form of the fact (?) that _if the gum stayed in your digestive
system_, it would take 7 years for you to break it down.
Chris Nebel
ne...@wam.umd.edu
Randal Schwartz
| I vaguely remember a Twilight Zone/Outer Limits-type episode
| about the earwig (which supposedly crawled in one ear and out
| the other) "It was a female ... and females lay eggs" [scream;
| fade] I was also reminded of this by Star Trek-The Wrath of
| Khan.
I don't know why I know this, but...
It was "Night Gallery" hosted by Rod Serling. Gave me nightmares
for weeks. (Yeah, that's why.)
Just another peruser of the unusual,
--
/=Randal L. Schwartz, Stonehenge Consulting Services (503)777-0095 ==========\
| on contract to Intel's iWarp project, Beaverton, Oregon, USA, Sol III |
| mer...@iwarp.intel.com ...!any-MX-mailer-like-uunet!iwarp.intel.com!merlyn |
\=Cute Quote: "Welcome to Portland, Oregon, home of the California Raisins!"=/
Kyle Jones
"What IS the shelf-life of a Twinkie?"
Jeff Daly writes:
> i don't know, but its not very long.. i was watching letterman the other
> night (repeat) and they had this guy on who wrote a book about strange
> things....like what is that white stuff inside twinkies? turns out its
> beef fat with sugar and stuff added.... the white stuff in oreos is lard
> (pork fat) and sugar... bleah.
Yeah, I saw that program. I wonder if those kids on the commercials
would be so happy scraping the filling off Oreos with their front
teeth if they knew what that stuff was. I sure wouldn't have been.
I've eaten a lot of Oreos. There are things best not to dwelt upon,
and this is one of them. Another is the amount of "insect filth" and
other things in all those bologna sandwiches I ate as a kid.
Ken Rawlings
>> Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
>>it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
>>ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
Well, this _may_ depend on the quantity of gum ingested, but I can
say through experience that it does not take 7 years for gum to -pass-
through the digestive system. You see, my dad mananges a local discount
store, and as an aside fixes the gumball machines for all of the chains
stores(about 20). As a result, he had a HUGE box of gumballs in his
room - most of them fresh. Well, me being 12 years old and and avid gum chewer,
I ate a considerable amount of gum. I must have swollowed a decent percentage
of it, becuase about a year and a half later, i had an _interesting_ bowel
movement... (lets just say it gathers up inside of you into a single mass)
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Po Box 1207 Ken Rawlings iuvax!cartan!ndmath!
Mishawaka, In 46545 nstar!thelink!kenr
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thom Watson
> eps...@wet.UUCP (Eric P. Scott) writes:
>> pir...@porthos.rutgers.edu (Dave Pirmann) writes:
>>>I seem to remember reading a story about a spider who crawled up a
>>>sleeping person's nose and laid eggs in it.... the story was published
>>>in an old Alfred Hitchcock story collection circa 1960(?).
>
> These spider laying eggs stories may have been started by the egg
> laying behavior of a tropical fly which does lay eggs on people
> and animals. However, the fly does not do it on unbroken skin but
> rather needs a sore or scratch or something.
>
obviously in pain and scratching a lot. I could feel a squishy lump just
under her skin. When my dad and I looked closer, we saw there was a hole
that was becoming wider as we watched, and then suddenly a worm,
about an inch long, popped out the top. It seems that the cat had been
stung by a warble fly, which usually lays its eggs under the skins of cattle
or squirrels and the larvae then eat their way out. I had nightmares for weeks
about worms eating their way out of my skin.
Another one of my favorite urban legends involves the college student
who comes back to the dorm room late one night and decides to get undressed
and into bed with the lights off so as not to wake her roommate. The next
morning she awakes to find her rommmate dead in the bed next to her and a
note scrawled on the mirror in blood, "It's a good thing you didn't turn on
the light last night." Brrrrrrrr.
--
DISCLAIMER: Sometimes I speak for PBS. This is probably not one of those times.
______________________________________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________________________________
"Oh, I'm bored. And I've only just gotten up!"
_Walk on the Wild Side_ (1962)
John E. Gefaell
>
>Something similar happened to a "friend of a friend". She had purchased a
>cactus - I don't know what type - one of the tall, thin ones.
>
>Anyway, she went out shopping after she had it for a few days, and when she got
>home, the thing was MOVING. You know, kind of squirming all over. She called
>the florist where she bought it and told them what it was doing and was told to
>"get out of the house! Immediately!" Minutes later, a van from the store
>pulled up in front of the house, three guys got out with a large pllastic
>garbage bag and ran into her house. They put the cactus into the bag and at
>that very second, the cactus exploded into THOUSANDS of baby tarantulas.
This is ridiculous!
Tarantulas are not harmful, per se. As a matter of fact, it's MUCH more likely
that a person will harm a tarantula than the other way around (they are quite
delicate, and will actually burst if dropped from high enough...) But, let's
take this point by point.
I don't know if Tarantulas are egg layers or live breeders. I wonder how
the store managed to get there in minutes (seems just too convenient, eh?)
Also, if there was such danger then why send in three men? Why not just one?
Also, do you think the cactus would EXPLODE? or that spiders would just eat
a hole and crawl out? I've never seen an exploded cactus.... (and I've spent
LOTS of time in the desert)
Oh, I used to keep a few Tarantulas when I was younger and had nothing better
to do.
>
>Seems mama tarantulas like to lay their eggs in cacti, 'cause it's cool and wet.
Sounds likely, I guess...
>Sometimes the people who "harvest" them don't check very carefully for this,
>and this is what happens.
I guess you could check for this, Hmmmmm
>
>This story is TRUE and I have nearly a dozen people here who will swear to it.
Hmmm, and they SAW THIS? I think not, they will swear to what? That a FOAF
told them it happened?
John E. Gefaell
>
> This isn't a food superstition, but as I recall everyone believed
>this when I was about 10: If you cross your eyes and hit the back of
>your head, your eyes will stay crossed. It made everyone nervous when
>they tried to cross their eyes.
Well, your brachial plexus (large gathering of nerves) is at the back of your
head, at the base. If you hit someone here, you can blind them, or even kill
them. I suppose that fact is the basis for this myth...
Here, i'll show you, I'll hit my plexus W/ this book...OH NO!!! I CAN'T SEE!
I'll have to navigate USENET W/O a HEAD!!! OOOOOO NOOOOOO!!!!
And you can ALL swear you personaly saw it happen....Here!
Scott Hazen Mueller
>
Actually, I broke a tooth on ice once. Right upper wisdom tooth, on a trans-
continental flight. Half the tooth came right off... I eventually had to
have the other half pulled... :-(
--
Scott Hazen Mueller | sc...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG or (ames|pyramid|vsi1)!zorch!scott
10122 Amador Oak Ct.|(408) 253-6767 |Mail fusion-...@zorch.SF-Bay.ORG
Cupertino, CA 95014|Love make, not more|for emailed sci.physics.fusion digests
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Erik Lode
> Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
> it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
> ever heard this, and can anyone confirm/deny it?
I've seen it come out--still pink. Of course I can't be 100% certain
they were the same pieces I'd eaten a day or so before. . .
Erik Lode
> This isn't a food superstition, but as I recall everyone believed
> this when I was about 10: If you cross your eyes and hit the back of
> your head, your eyes will stay crossed. It made everyone nervous when
> they tried to cross their eyes.
Anyone remember the scene from the movie "One Crazy Summer?"
Lemming
>> laying behavior of a tropical fly which does lay eggs on people
>> and animals. However, the fly does not do it on unbroken skin but
>> rather needs a sore or scratch or something.
>>
I had heard at one point that a leading cause of blindness in Africa was
caused by a certain fly laying its eggs in people's eyes. Yuck!
========================================================================
| Alex Elliott (The Lemming) | A circle is a line which meets |
| BAE...@PSUVM.BITNET | its other end without ending. |
========================================================================
Ronald Amundson
Uh, I don't quite know how to ask this ....
You've seen it come out?
Mirrors? Yoga? Are you one of those people I hear about with his
head up his .... Nah.
TJ Wood (WA3VQJ)
Every Presidential election, I remember that some kid would say:
If NIXON (or whomever) gets elected, we'll have to go to school on SATURDAY!
My mother tells me she heard the same thing in the 1930s!
Anyone else remember this?
Terry
--
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UUCP: {decwrl!decvax!idis, allegra, bellcore}!pitt!unix.cis.pitt.edu!tjw
And if dreams could come true, I'd still be there with you,
On the banks of cold waters at the close of the day. - Craig Johnson
Peter Sultan
>>on ice ruins your teeth. C'mon, anyone else?
>
I've always heard that either
a) chewing on the ice in your drink
b) tearing up the paper cup
or c) peeling off the label on your beer bottle
was an indicator that you were sexually frustrated (not impotent).
We always looked for the girls who were peeling their beer
labels off at parties as a 'filter' of who to talk to first :-)....
Peter Sultan
> > beef fat with sugar and stuff added.... the white stuff in oreos is lard
> > (pork fat) and sugar... bleah.
I recall a story of a guy who *really* loved the Oreo filling,
and wanted to buy a vat of it to eat alone, so he wouldn't have
to buy the cookies and scrape it off individually. He tried to
get hold of someone in the company (Nabisco?) to sell him the
filling, but had little success. He eventually found a sympathetic
worrker at one of the distributing plants who told him that while
he couldn't sell the guy a vat of filling, he could probably make
a reasonable facsimile himself by mixing up confectioner's sugar
with a can of Crisco. Mmmm-mmm...it's good *and* good for you!
Peter
James D Dolan
je...@watt.acc.Virginia.EDU (John E. Gefaell) writes...
>Well, your brachial plexus (large gathering of nerves) is at the back of your
>head, at the base. If you hit someone here, you can blind them, or even kill
>them. I suppose that fact is the basis for this myth...
>
>Here, i'll show you, I'll hit my plexus W/ this book...OH NO!!! I CAN'T SEE!
>
>I'll have to navigate USENET W/O a HEAD!!! OOOOOO NOOOOOO!!!!
I SAY SIX WEEKS, AND THE CAUSE OF DEATH WILL BE SEXUAL MISADVENTURE INVOLVING
A BIC LIGHTER, SOME GERBILS, AND A MICROWAVE OVEN.
JAMES DOLAN V088...@UBVMS.CC.BUFFALO.EDU
Steve Portigal
What? You never look in the toilet after? If you have never done this,
then you are missing out on life...gotta be tried at least once...(I bet
you don't check out your kleenexes after either)...
I know...I know...GROSS!!
TJ Wood WA3VQJ
> What? You never look in the toilet after? If you have never done this,
>then you are missing out on life...gotta be tried at least once...(I bet
>you don't check out your kleenexes after either)...
Oh, boy! A "new" category for us:
"Things we really didn't want to know about"
>I know...I know...GROSS!!
Extremely!
Windsor A. Morgan
In article <56...@bu.edu.bu.edu>, sul...@bu-ast.bu.edu (Peter Sultan) says:
>
>>>Here's one: crunching
>>>on ice ruins your teeth. C'mon, anyone else?
>>
>>Really? I always heard that crunching ice is a sign of impotency.
>>* Internet: kea...@rex.cs.tulane.edu
>
an iron deficiency in the body. Is this true? (It was a case of a friend's
mother needing more iron. She started taking the iron and stopped crunching
ice.)
'Verily, there be no leader as wise as the Vision!'
Windsor Morgan (mor...@astro.psu.edu OR N...@PSUVM.BITNET)
Department of Astronomy
The Pennsylvania State University
University Park, PA 16802
Laurie Mann
> >I always heard that crunching ice is a sign of impotency.
>
> a) chewing on the ice in your drink
> b) tearing up the paper cup
> or c) peeling off the label on your beer bottle
> was an indicator that you were sexually frustrated (not impotent).
I remember hearing the bit about "crunching ice meant you were sexually
frustrated" nearly 20 years ago when all my HS friends were still virgins.
I've often peeled the label off my beer bottle but I've never been impotent,
(:-)) and have only rarely been sexually frustrated in the last 14 years.
*** Laurie Mann ** harvard!m2c!jjmhome!lmann ** lmann%jjm...@m2c.m2c.org ***
*** Lauri...@es.stratus.com *** uunet!lectroid!es!Laurie_Mann ***
*** Work like hell *** Tell everyone everything you know ***
*** Close a deal with a handshake *** Have fun ***
*** Harold (Doc) Edgerton 1903-1990 ***
Marc C Majcher
>> What? You never look in the toilet after? If you have never done this,
>>then you are missing out on life...gotta be tried at least once...(I bet
>>you don't check out your kleenexes after either)...
>Oh, boy! A "new" category for us:
> "Things we really didn't want to know about"
>>I know...I know...GROSS!!
>Extremely!
Not at all! Jeez...Lemme get this straight...you don't look at your keenexes
to check booger size and consistency, you don't look in the toilet afterward
to check for gum, ingested gemstones, etc...I bet you don't even check the
toilet paper after you wipe! I mean, how else are you gonna know how much
is left sticking on? By the stain in your underwear? Sure, but by that
time it's too late! You gotta check the toilet paper right after you wipe,
while it's still fresh...until it comes out clean!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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| |-\/-| _ ^ ^ ^ | bs vagryyvtrapr | -------------------------------
| ------ (_) \|/ | Naq Lrnu! | "Fuck 'em if they can't take |
| | < | -+- <---+---> | Fraq zr gjragl | a joke." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs |
| \ () / | /|\ |qbyynef sbe "Obo"| Attn: all SubGeniuses! The |
| \__/ v v v |Cvaxf Shpx Bss!!!| FCEEEB wants YOU(r money)! |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ronald Amundson
>>In article <1308...@hpfcso.HP.COM> er...@hpfcso.HP.COM (Erik Lode) writes:
>>>> / ste...@dgp.toronto.edu (Steve Portigal) / 6:40 pm Apr 21, 1990 /
>>>> Here's one I used to hear as a younger child: if you swallow gum
>>>> it will be in your digestive system for 7 years. Has anyone else
>>> I've seen it come out--still pink. Of course I can't be 100% certain
>>>they were the same pieces I'd eaten a day or so before. . .
>>Uh, I don't quite know how to ask this ....
>>
>>You've seen it come out?
>>
>>Mirrors? Yoga? Are you one of those people I hear about with his
>>head up his .... Nah.
>
> What? You never look in the toilet after? If you have never done this,
>then you are missing out on life...gotta be tried at least once...(I bet
>you don't check out your kleenexes after either)...
>
Dearest Steve,
What our scientifically inclined friend said was not "I've seen it
AFTER it came out, lying in the toilet" but "I've seen it COME OUT!"
As in "I've seen a train come out of a tunnel."
As to whether I inspect my toilets promptly, it's none of your
business. I do not, however, observe the defecata at the moment they
gracefully exit their confines. It seems an invasion of their
privacy.
How do your socks smell?
Ron
Chris D. Nebel
heard about crunching ice, too, but never peeling off bottle labels...
Chris Nebel
ne...@wam.umd.edu
Nicholas J. Simicich
>How do your socks smell?
Little tiny sock noses. How else?
--
Nick Simicich --- uunet!bywater!scifi!njs --- n...@ibm.com (Internet)
Crunga-Howit-Ig Nernop
>
>I had heard at one point that a leading cause of blindness in Africa was
>caused by a certain fly laying its eggs in people's eyes. Yuck!
The really tragic thing about this (a foaf tells me!) is that
the eggs hatch and become maggots inside the eye... so, often, one of
them ends up in the right location, and the victim gets a wonderful
view of a huge maggot superimposed on their visual world. Bleah!
Sleep well!
--DASFlorpT
--
******************************************************************************
*** "It was a miracle of rare device, *** prolf!deer!xinortket... ***
*** A sunny pleasure dome with caves of ice!"*** ...tektronix!reed!florp ***
******************************************************************************
Sharon Fisher
>> > things....like what is that white stuff inside twinkies? turns out its
>> > beef fat with sugar and stuff added.... the white stuff in oreos is lard
>> > (pork fat) and sugar... bleah.
>
>I recall a story of a guy who *really* loved the Oreo filling,
A friend of mine is a vegetarian, so he can't eat Oreos. Fortunately,
Hydrox uses vegetable oil in its fillings, so he can eat them.
don...@prarie.enet.dec.com
This has been making the rounds for a while:
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 89 23:56:30 PDT
From: Jay L. Verkler <j...@Rising-Sun.oracle.com>
To: f...@Rising-Sun.oracle.com
Subject: Twinkies
The Weaker in Stomach may want to skip this posting....
From: ddruker@hqrscs
----Included Message ----
From: EFLOOD.US
"Twinkie, Twinkie,
Little suet-filled sponge cake crisco log,
Now I know just what you are."
"Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, or Food?"
In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and
unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack
logs to the following experiments:
EXPOSURE:
Twinkie was left on a ... window ledge for four days, during which
time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across
the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons --
avoided this potential source of sustenance.
Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie
retained its original color and form. When removed ... the Twinkie was found
to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on
the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling, however, retained
its adverstised "creaminess."
RADIATION:
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set
for precisely 4 minutes -- the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20
seconds, the oven began to emit the Twinkie's rich, characteristic aroma of
artificial butter. After 1 minute, this aroma began to resemble the acrid
smell of burning rubber. The experiment was aborted after 2 minutes, 10
seconds, when thick, foul smoke began billowing from the top of the oven ... a
second Twinkie was subjected to the same experiment ... this Twinkie leaked
molten white filling ... when cooled, this now epoxylike filling bonded the
Twinkie to its plate, defying gravity; it was removed only upon application of
a butter knife.
EXTREME FORCE:
A Twinkie was dropped from a ninth-floor window, a fall of
approximately 120 feet. It landed right side up ... then bounced onto its
back. The expected "splatter" effect was not observed. Indeed, the only
discernible damage to the Twinkie was a narrow fissure on its underside ...
otherwise, the Twinkie remained structurally intact.
EXTREME COLD:
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional freezer for 24 hours. Upon
removal, the Twinkie was not found to be frozen solid, but its physical
properties had noticeably "slowed" .. the filling was found to be the
approximate consistency of acrylic paint, while exhibiting the mercurylike
property of not adhering to practically any surface. It was noticed that the
Twinkie had generously absorbed freezer odors.
EXTREME HEAT:
A Twinkie was exposed to a gas flame for 2 minutes. While the
Twinkie smoked and blackened and the filling in one of its "cream holes"
boiled, the Twinkie did not catch fire. It did, however, produce the same
"burning rubber" aroma noticed during the irradiation experiment.
IMMERSION:
A Twinkie was dropped into a large beaker filled with tap water. The
Twinkie floated momentarily, began to list and sink ... viscous yelow tendrils
ran off its lower half, possibly consisting of a water-soluable artifical
coloring. After 2 hours, the Twinkie had bloated substantially. Its
coloring was now a very pale tan -- in contrast to the yellow, urine-like water
that surrounded it. The Twinkie bobbed when touched, and had a gelatinous
texture. After 72 hours, the Twinkie was found to have bloated to roughly 200
percent of its original size ... the water had turned opaque, and a small,
fan-shaped spray of filling had leaked from one of the "cream holes."
Unfortunately, efforts to remove the Twinkie for further analysis were
abandoned when, under light pressure ... the Twinkie disintegrated into an
amorphous cloud of debris. A distinctly sour odor was noted.
SUMMERY OF RESULTS
... the Twinkie's survival of a 120-foot drop, along with some of the
unusual phenomena associated with the "creamy filling" and artificial coloring,
should give pause to those observers who would unequivocally categorize the
Twinkie as "food." Further clinical inquiry is required before any definite
conclusions can be drawn.
Reprinted from SPY magazine, July 1989.
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Phonenet: (617) 628-5203
Mike Percy
] In article <56...@bu.edu.bu.edu> sul...@bu-ast.bu.edu (Peter Sultan) writes:
]>> > things....like what is that white stuff inside twinkies? turns out its
]>> > beef fat with sugar and stuff added.... the white stuff in oreos is lard
]>> > (pork fat) and sugar... bleah.
]>
]>I recall a story of a guy who *really* loved the Oreo filling,
]
] A friend of mine is a vegetarian, so he can't eat Oreos. Fortunately,
] Hydrox uses vegetable oil in its fillings, so he can eat them.
will
Can't and can imply some sort of involuntary inability to do something.
Won't and will indicate a decision made about the course of action.
Peeve: People who don't say what they mean nor mean what they say.
Mike Percy
] From article <11...@asylum.SF.CA.US>, by sha...@asylum.SF.CA.US (Sharon Fisher):
Erik Lode
> A friend of mine is a vegetarian, so he can't eat Oreos. Fortunately,
> Hydrox uses vegetable oil in its fillings, so he can eat them.
> ----------
They taste better than Oreos, anyway.
Erik Lode HP FSY (Fort Collins System Division)
er...@hpfcmb.hp.com Phone (303) 229-6903
Video Magician
> In article <76...@uhccux.uhcc.hawaii.edu> ron...@uhccux.UUCP (Ronald Amundson) writes:
>
>>How do your socks smell?
>
> Little tiny sock noses. How else?
>
>
that if your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside down!
Speaking of olfactory investigation, has anyone ever smelled moth balls?
---
And there's more where that came from, Neddy!
Smiling Fool
>
>> A friend of mine is a vegetarian, so he can't eat Oreos. Fortunately,
>> Hydrox uses vegetable oil in its fillings, so he can eat them.
>> ----------
>
> They taste better than Oreos, anyway.
> Erik Lode HP FSY (Fort Collins System Division)
Not only do they taste better than Oreos, Hydrox are the original "chocolate
cookies with creamy sandwich filling" cookies. Oreos are simply Nabisco's
cheap copy, made because Hydrox actually made a dent in their sales...
Eat Hydrox!
-Marc "Whatzisname" Reeve, the Smiling Fool
Matt Freaney
I think there is a decent recipie for oreo cookie filling in Real Men Don't
Eat Quiche (but i haven't read that in a long time so I'm not 100% sure).
Henry B. Velick
>
>Speaking of olfactory investigation, has anyone ever smelled moth balls?
Not me; I could never get their little legs apart.
But while we're on the subject, do you know why mice have such small balls?
--
The opinions expressed herein are those of absolutely everyone at National
Instruments: the management, staff, stockholders, their spouses, children,
dogs, and cats. In fact, everyone in Austin also agrees. No, make that Texas.
Video Magician
Lines: 13
In article <10...@natinst.natinst.com>, hen...@natinst.com (Henry B. Velick) writes:
> In article <8306.2...@pbs.uucp> kells...@pbs.uucp (Video Magician) writes:
>>
>>Speaking of olfactory investigation, has anyone ever smelled moth balls?
>
> Not me; I could never get their little legs apart.
>
> But while we're on the subject, do you know why mice have such small balls?
>
Sure! Not many of them like to dance.
---
Can't hear it? Then I didn't say it!