[OW!] Never trust a youma
Musoka
nobody took them seriously), so naturally the werent paying any
attention to the supposedly-dead usagichanian NO. Who notices NO when
the're alive? But this usagichanian was a little tougher than the
average NO, and was'nt quite dead yet.
A greasy mist of Evil congealed over the still-breathing NO.
There was a bright pastel-pink flash and a cloud of smoke and the
Drider lived again.
Fortunately it was'nt any smarted just because it was dead
for a post. "Drider!" it roared, and charged through the parting
smoke. The two Amichanians barely had time to facefault. A Nega-blast
smacked into Kelly and knocked him into the remains of the Whack-a-SD-
KM booth. MK5 managed to half-draw Tsurara and think 'This is
Pierce's fault' before a quarter-ton of furious she-spider flying
tackled him to the ground and spilled gatorade all over his armor.
The resurrected youma pinned him with it's back sets of legs and
leaned over him, gloating.
It's Evil (and cotton candy scented) breath blew in his face.
MK5 had one leg free, but could'nt decide what to do with it. (Where
do you kick a half woman, half spider anyway?) The Drider
leered. "You hurt me Good, now you die!" It reared back and raised
its hooked front legs for a killing stroke.
TBC?
Yeah, its short, but I'me working on it..
Heh, sorry 'bout that (hitting self with brickbat).
Rebekkahlynn1
swlucky
direction of what was left of the Whack-a-SD-KM booth. The pie hit
her directly in the face. This stopped her, but only momentarily.
MK5 was still pinned to the ground and the Drider went for the killing
stroke again.
With a loud thud, a war hammer landed on the back of the Drider's
neck. This would have been enough to kill a typical generically named
character, but the Drider had already proven she was anything but
typical. The Drider fired nega-energy blasts in Kelly's direction.
Kelly took cover about a second before the blasts reached him.
This gave MK5 the opportunity he needed. With his free leg, he
gave the Drider a good, swift kick in what appeared to be one of its
knees.
"Do you expect a puny kick like that to hurt me?" asked the
Drider.
MK5 did not wait around to answer her question. He used the
distraction to free himself from the Drider's grasp and took off in
the direction of Kelly and the Whack-a-SD-SM booth.
"If only I could press the blue button," said Kelly. "I should
have done it the first time."
The Drider stood directly between Kelly and the Silent Racer.
She was not even going to give Kelly a chance to use the ship again.
"Throw stuff at her!" commanded Kelly.
Kelly and MK5 began throwing pies, war hammers, baseballs,
tomatoes, wooden plugs, and pieces of the Whack-an-SD-KM booth itself
at the Drider. What Drider could not intercept with its nega-energy
blasts, it was easily able to dodge. Then it ran rapidly towards
their location.
"This is not going to be easy," sighed Kelly. "You attack from
the right, I'll attack from the left!"
When they split up, the Usagichanian NO who became a Drider,
paused with indecision not sure whether to attack Kelly or MK5.[1]
Remember how Kelly had shot her before, she went after Kelly. Kelly
still had a tomato with him. He threw it. The tomato went sailing
just over her said.
"You missed!" said the Drider.
Kelly just smiled. MK5 caught the tomato in mid-air, without
crushing it, and threw it back at the Drider. Direct hit!
"EEWWW!" cried the Drider. "Tomato seeds all over me. You die."
"Talk about a one track mind," said Kelly dodging another blast
of nega-energy.
"WATCH OUT!" cried MK5, but it was too late.
The Drider fired two blasts of nega-energy in rapid succession.
When Kelly dodged the first one, he moved right into the second. It
hit him solidly in the right side of his chest, tearing his
clothing.[2]
The Drider ground her teeth as she moved in for the kill.[3]
-TBC
[1] A weakness that might be exploited
[2] Fortunately Kelly is in male form
[3] Nothing like a little teamwork ;)
Musoka
> When Kelly dodged the first one, he moved right into the second. It
> hit him solidly in the right side of his chest, tearing his
> clothing.[2]
>
> The Drider ground her teeth as she moved in for the kill.[3]
>
MK5 did some quick speed/trajectory calculations, got the answer
wrong but went with it anyway. Gritting his teeth and swallowing
he 'ported again..ten feet directly above the rampaging she-spider,
aiming to break its back.
He missed, landing on the Drider's back square on his..
<Kanji reading "Do not try without protection." flash across the
screen>
"Urf!" The Youma and the Amichanian both went down.
Kelly looked up and winced. "You meant to do that, right?"
Unfortunately the monster-of-the-post recovered just a little
bit faster...When MK5 came out of his little cloud of pain he found
himself face-to-face the with the youma, who gave him a nasty grin
over it's shoulder. 'Maybe this was'nt such a good idea' he thought,
as the she-spider started to buck. Desperate to hold on he wrapped
one arm around the Drider's human half ("Whoa! Sorry, really sorry!")
and tried to draw Tsurara with the other.
Trying to shake off MK5 (and loving every second) the youma went
into a frenzy of jumping and dancing, firing off Nega-blasts at
random and flattening the few parts of the NFR that were still
standing. It went spinning through a crowd of Endymionsamaian NO's
that had stopped to watch the fight. When the spider-thing moved on
and the rain of body parts ended, another NO crew stoicly started
cleaning up the mess.
After about a minute of random destruction MK5 was starting to
lose his (uh..) grip and his lunch. If he could just get his sword
out he could end this.. The Drider thought so too.Clawed hands
reached back over it's shoulders..and then a tomato hit it.
Kelly hefted the last pie from the Whack-a-SD-KM
booth. "Remember me? I'me in this post too!"
The Drider hesitated; it's feeble Usagichanian brain could'nt
decide which Amichanian to dismember first.
That second was all MK5 needed. He unsheathed Tsurara with a
jerk. "Now Kelly! Do it now!" he yelled.
Kelly wound up and threw the pie. A solid hit, right in the face.
The Drider cursed and tried to wipe the lemon filling out of its
eyes, but didnt get the chance. One swing of the ice-blade took its
head off and sent it flying nine yards into a wrecked cotton candy
wagon. It landed face up, looking puzzled. In the distance the NO
cleanup crew held up scorecards: 9.5.
The youma's body dissolved into an Evil mist that faded away,
leaving only a burnt toast smell. MK5 climbed off the now headless
(and hopefully dead this time) NO as Kelly came running up, wielding
another tomato warily. "You think its dead this time?"
TBC?
Musoka
on the
> ground, headfirst. All present look away for an instant. With his
back to
> MK5, he gets up, and staggers a bit left, then a bit right. Cursing
> mightily, he dusts himself off, and turns around. A look of shock
appears
> on MK5's face as he and the engineer both yell, "YOU!"
simultaneously.
> Add a double take or two, and that pretty much sums up what's going
on
> here.
>
> "Aplus! How'd you get here!" MK5 exclaims.
>
> "Oh, nice to see y' too. What's with all the rubble?" Aplus Comptia
> replies, none too happy at his company.
>
Kelly saw a long-winded, badly written exposition coming and
decided to head it off. " As long as your here, how about helping out
with this youma?"
"Wha' youma?"
MK5 pointed to the spider-woman-monstrosity thingy, now
shambling towards then, drooling menacingly. "That youma!"
"Tha'? Tha's nae youma, y' silly Amichanians; tis a hologram."
The holographic spider-youma made a "Huh?" noise and twinkled
out.
The two Amichanians stared at Aplus. "How did you know?"
The engineer shrugged. "Y' hang aroun' wi' Pierce long enough,
y' know holograms. Any engineer does'na kin a hologram when he sees
it.. <insert stereotypical 'scottish engineer' jargon here>".
MK5 nodded grudgingly."So, hows Pierce? Missed any more
appointments lately (nudge, nudge)?"
TBC?
Kane Magus, the self-designated forwarder
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: [OW!] Re: Never trust a Youma
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 08:29:35 -0500
From: ten...@juno.com
Reply-To: otak...@yahoogroups.com
To: otak...@yahoogroups.com
> MK5 pointed to the spider-woman-monstrosity thingy, now
> shambling towards then, drooling menacingly. "That youma!"
>
> "Tha'? Tha's nae youma, y' silly Amichanians; tis a hologram."
>
> The holographic spider-youma made a "Huh?" noise and twinkled
> out.
>
> The two Amichanians stared at Aplus. "How did you know?"
>
> The engineer shrugged. "Y' hang aroun' wi' Pierce long enough,
>
> y' know holograms. Any engineer does'na kin a hologram when he sees
>
> it.. <insert stereotypical 'scottish engineer' jargon here>".
>
> MK5 nodded grudgingly."So, hows Pierce? Missed any more
> appointments lately (nudge, nudge)?"
"Well, before I 'it 'im over the head with a handy microphone, I hear'
'im talking about capturin' that Usagichanian base, and I quote: 'to take
her for the glory of Rei.' To 'ell wi' him."
MK5 raises an eyebrow at this remark.
"It seems 'ere that your problems here proves an old saying true: 'Never
send a Amichanian (cough) captain to do a Makochanian engineer's job.'"
Aplus finishes as he activates his holowrench.
The two Amichanians present are not amused. MK5 especially so.
TBC?
Musoka
> "It seems 'ere that your problems here proves an old saying true: 'Never
> send a Amichanian (cough) captain to do a Makochanian engineer's job.'"
> Aplus finishes as he activates his holowrench.
>
up..Besides, engineers fix stuff; breaking it is my job."
He reached into his cape and pulled out a large, heavy rifle,
tossed it to Aplus.
"Here's Pierce's AssKicker. Thought you might want it. You
probably built it anyway."
"Aye." Aplus went over the AssKicker to make sure the Amichanian
had'nt brocken it.
"I dont need it anyway." MK5 reached into his hammerspace and
pulled out a smaller, neater gun; the AmiTech SAI-9 Plasma Shotgun
('AmiTech: Smaller, Smarter and Better Looking'). He pointed it at a
tank-sized chunk of NFR and fired, reducing the rock to its
constituent particles.
"It also comes with an optional Swizzarmy holo-bayonet."[1] He
put the gun away.
Kelly glared. "You had that thing the whole time? Why didnt you
use it?"
"That would'nt be fun. I only use it for Slow, Dumb Targets;
mecha, small kaiju, omnipotent midgets, stuff like that. Besides,
some things you just cant kill that way."
Kelly decided to ignore that. "We're wasting time. We have Evil
to fight."
"Aye. So why're y' hangin' around here?"
The two Amichanians looked sheepish. "We're kinda looking for
someone.."
"Looking? Found someone you have, hehheh."
MK5 glared at the Makochanian.
"Sorry, I could'na resist."
[1] MK5 recieved no compensation from AmiTech for this
endorsement..really.
swlucky
> Kelly decided to ignore that. "We're wasting time. We have Evil
> to fight."
>
> "Aye. So why're y' hangin' around here?"
>
> The two Amichanians looked sheepish. "We're kinda looking for
> someone.."
>
> "Looking? Found someone you have, hehheh."
>
> MK5 glared at the Makochanian.
>
> "Sorry, I could'na resist."
>
Kelly thought he heard a faint rumbling in the distance. He was
unsure whether the rumbling would get louder or turn out merely to be
a figment of his imagination.
Before he could ask MK5 and Aplus what they thought of the noise,
a frightened looking NO came running up to him and handed him a
package.
He coughed, wheezed, choked, and coughed again before managing to
say, "Your package is here and on time."
"What is it?" asked MK5.
"Let's take a look and find out," said Kelly opening the package.
"Ah, yes! Lodossos fruit and cookies! These are the items I'm
taking to CM's victory celebration. You're a Makochanian, Aplus, I'm
surprised you're not there."
"An engineers work is never done," Aplus replied. "Why are you
bringing lodossos fruit and cookies?[1]"
"Lodossos fruit is a rare and special type of fruit," explained
Kelly. "It is found only on the island of Lodoss and goes well with
cookies. You have to be careful with cookies. They crumble easily
and all sorts of things can happen to them."
Kelly's explanation was hard to hear over the NO who coughed,
wheezed, and choked some more. After that he made a few high pitched
noises, turned purple, and then fell over.
"I guess the tidal wave was too much for him," said Kelly.
"What tidal wave?" asked MK5 with more than a hint of fear in his
voice.
After a fearful pause, Kelly added, "I would love to stay and
tell you all about it, but I have to get out of here before the tidal
wave hits."
Kelly entered the Silent Racer and took off leaving MK5 and Aplus
to fend for themselves.
"WHAT TIDAL WAVE?" MK5 asked again, but by that time Kelly was
well out of hearing range.
The rumbling noise grew louder.[2]
-TBC?
[1] This reference comes from Record Of The Lodoss Wars
[2] Reminder - The official release date for To Change The World And
Other Poems is July 30, 2002
Musoka
> Aplus to fend for themselves.
>
> "WHAT TIDAL WAVE?" MK5 asked again, but by that time Kelly was
> well out of hearing range.
>
> The rumbling noise grew louder.
"Tidal Wave? I didnt know we even had an ocean!"
MK5 stood his ground as the Silent Racer took off (silently, I
guess). Aplus quietly slipped out of the post and headed for high
ground, preferably with no Amichanians on it. MK5 just stood. The
rumbling got louder.
"Tidal wave..this I gotta see." Still..
He pulled out his communicator and hailed the Ami. "Major,
you've still got a transporter lock on me, right?"
"Sort of, sir."
"Whatdaya mean 'SORT OF'?"
"Hard to get a fix (crackle[the Major opening another bag of
cheetos]). The signal keeps fading out. Something freaky's happening
down there."
"Yeah. Every five seconds..Be ready to beam me up when I give
the order. I wanna see this 'Tidal Wave'."
"Since when is an Amichanian officer afraid of a little water?"
The rumbling turned into a roar. The ground started rocking.
"Ok, maybe a LOT of water..
("hint of fear"..grumble, snort..)
TBC?
Musoka
>
> "Ok, maybe a LOT of water..
>
> ("hint of fear"..grumble, snort..)
>
Meanwhile, Aplus (who is watching all this from afar using
macrobinoculars) chuckles to himself seeing the silly Amichanian get hit
with a 90-foot tidal wave. Aplus then gets a call on his comm.
"'ello! Aplus Comptia, Makochanian Master Engineer speaking. Who is this,
and how did you get this channel?" Aplus says.
"Engineer, get yer ass right up here, and I mean yesterday! Where the
hell have you been?" CM's voice squaks out of the communicator.
Aplus gulps and sweatdrops. "B' right 'p, sir."
"You'd better be. I need this place fixed up for my victory party!"
"Aye, sir." A+ closes the communicator, and stuffs it into a pocket.
Hefting Pierce's Mercom 232D Quantum Shotgun[1], and placing it into a
carryall, Aplus beams up into the chaos aboard FM.
[1] aka AssKicker 2K
MK5 coughed, exhaled several gallons of seawater and a hamachi
and started to pry himself out of the three-foot layer of mud he'de
ended up in. "That was..fun. Never been hit by a 90ft tidal wave
before."
Looking out over the shattered, waterlogged rubble of the once-
proud ruin that was the NFR, he decided it was time to be going. He
pulled out his inevitable communicator.
"Major you can beam me up now."
Nothing, not a squeek. He shook the communicator and both
batteries and a sea urchin fell out. 'Time to get a new
communicator.' he thought, 'Or maybe my own personal fighter.'
That was it..something royal blue, with silver racing stripes
and a Cloaking Device, and some Chaff pods, and a couple of Gatling
Phasers, and a gatorade despenser..
He checked his wallet. Maybe just a bus token.
"Only one thing to do then; to Wal-Mart!"
He slogged of into the cliched sunset.
*squelch**squelch**squelch*
TBC?
Musoka
Doooooooooooooom
(WMoDooooooooooooom) landed nearby.
"Whoa. This place is *huge*!" MK5 exclaims aloud. Havok, warned by his
security system that a Named Otaku was inside the store, rushes to the
door to greet the unsuspecting MK5.
"Welcome to Walmart. How may I help you?" Havok says, beginning his
routine.
"I need a personal fighter. With a gatorade dispenser. Yeah, definately a
gatorade dispenser."
"I'm sorry, we don't stock personal fighters here. Try just out side, in
the "Evil Blue Starfighters" section of the shipyards. We build to
order." Havok continues.
"Waitaminute, I didn't see any shipyards." MK5 protests.
"Look behind you." Havok suggests.
MK5 does so, and sees the Redoubt shipyards (hastily repainted with a
Wal-mart ShipCenter sign) against a desert backdrop.
"Thank you shopping at Walmart." Havok says as he disappears.
"Wait... Wasn't he Pierce?" MK5 wonders. He sees a special on faction
navy rank insignia pins, and walks over to see if there are any ones for
Amichanian Grand Admiral. He picks up one for every rank in every
faction, pinning on the Amichanian Commodore pin. He waltzes into the
shipyards, and is greeted by some random hologram posing as an NO.
"Welcome to the Wal-Mart Starfighter Service Center. How may I help you?"
"I need a personal fighter." MK5 states, then goes on to list his
requirements, emphasizing the gatorade bit. The holo-NO merely nods.
"We just got a new ship in, and can refit it with your required
modifications."
"I want to see it." MK5 demands.
"Of course. Follow me." the holo-NO[1] says, then walks off. MK5 follows.
As he beholds the magnificent fighter, something about it seems familiar.
"What kind of ship is it?" MK5 asks.
"It is a fully-functional prototype."
"What class?"
"Firestorm-class."
MK5 now definately feels that the ship is familiar, but shrugs it off.
"Current setup?" he asks.
"Standard Firestorm-class long-range command fighter. Dual quantum rocket
launchers[2], pulse plasma cannons, replicators, transporter, and grey
interior." the holo-NO states.
"I'll take it, with the modifications I requested. How long?"
"Thirty minutes."
"I'll wait, then."
<SCENE SWITCH>
Pierce opens his communicator. "Pierce to Firestorm."
No response. He tries several more times to raise his ship, each one more
frantic. Reiana-chan can't help but smirk at him.
"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SHIP!!!!"[3]
<SCENE SWITCH - Forty minutes later>
MK5 is enjoying a nice blue gatorade in his comfortable blue spacecraft
as he flies it to the Ami.
TBC?
[1] Is it possible to kill a holographic NO?
[2] A variant of the microtorpedo, this is designed to fire at machinegun
rates. Explosive, best deployed in pairs.
[3] Yes, this is Pierce's beloved Firestorm. He's gonna get it back.
Eventually, anyway.
In the shuttle bay of the OWS Ami-Mk5 climbed out of his new
fighter, waved off the marine honor guard, called the Engineer over
and leaned on his new toy with a 'guess what I just bought' smirk.
"She's a beauty sir, looks kinda familiar though. Where'd you
get it?"
"Just a little something I picked up at Wal-Mart." MK5 shifted a
bit; his AmiTech[1] credit card was still pretty hot. "I want you to
go over it for me; kick the tires and stuff."
"Yes Sir."
"I'me sure you can find something that needs improving."
"Yes Sir!"
"Fit her out with some launch rails for those Warp-Seeking,
Antimatter warhead Drones I swi..acquired."
"Right."
"Recalibrate the Gatling Phasers so they fire blue 'stead of
yellow."
"right."
"And spray some air-freshener in the cockpit; smells like a
Reichanian in there."
"right.."
MK5 happily slapped a 'If you can read this you just made a
Serious Tactical Error'bumper sticker on the engine mount and headed
for his stateroom.
'What am I gonna call this baby? Azure Fury? Nah..Tachikaze[2]?
Good, but not Amichanian enough. Hmm..'
NO's ducked and cringed as he passed. If there were any strange
hairs on his Mercury plushie Heads Would Roll. He started to whistle.
[1]AmiTech: We're Smarter Than You
[2] 'Wind of a Sword-stroke'; love those Japanese Destroyer names!