Them's the rules (51-100)
The Vampire Muffin Man
Zaz-points, or people will think you don't deserve them.
I don't have any and probably never will.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 52 - A ten-code is worth a
thousand words.
10-205
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 53 - A rant IS a thousand
words - and it's worth a thousand ten-codes.
Trust me… I'm feeling the burn.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 54 - The difference between a
rant and a thousand words is like the difference between diamond and coal.
Wookie breasts?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 55 - Be sure to note the
difference between someone arguing with you, and someone trying to annoy you.
The quicker you note that difference, the more sophisticated you seem.
You're just trying to piss me off, now. Aren't you?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 56 - Do unto others as you
would have them do unto you - this doesn't work, but it was worth a shot.
Brittany is worth two shots…at least.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 57 - Do unto others as they
do unto you. This works.
It would be great for the ladies if this was rule #69.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 58 - If you post your
photograph on the internet, it can be considered fair game - but mocking it is
the low road.
Again with the Thundarr-speakey…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 59 - Running somebody over on
the low road is better than getting run over on the high road.
Being high is nice, though.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 60 - Never trust anybody who
says they have a clan.
Bloody scottsmen…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 61 - Don't mistake petty
squabbling for witty banter. Smarter people than you won't.
They won't. Bastards… The lot of them…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 62 - It never hurts to exude
an aura of unassailable intellect, or at least of invincible smarm.
How 'bout a head thick enough to break through a brick wall?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 63 - Sniggers are the
Universe's way of telling you you're making a tit of yourself. The decision to
stop or keep going is entirely yours.
But big tits are good, right? ::sniggers::
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 64 - Fun takes precedence
over facts.
What facts?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 65 - Facts take precedence
over fun.
Novak's .sig is ironic. … No…this rule sucks.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 66 - Only someone who is far
from laughing will tell someone he is laughing at them.
I never laugh.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 67 - It is more important to
keep a party thread alive than any other sort of thread.
All the party threads died.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 68 - It's easy to have the
answer to any question - the challenge lies in asking the questions nobody else
can answer.
If Contro LOLs in the forest and no one is around, does he make a sound?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 69 - Not recommended if your
girlfriend is shorter than you, unless you happen to be squicking her.
What if I have two girlfriends?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 70 - Just because you receive
a FAQ-pointer does not make your theory or discovery or idea any less relevant
- the fact that somebody else has thought about it means nothing. You came up
with it all on your own, and there are sure to be people out there who haven't
heard about it. It is your duty to ignore the pointer and post your idea in
full.
The only pointer I have is in my trousers as anyone can clearly see. Damn that
Brittany…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 71 - People who complain
about you not leaving sufficient material from the previous post in your
response obviously think the previous poster was better than you.
Most often, that was the complainant and just likes to see their words again to
boost the old ego…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 72 - If you post something
that has no context when it really needs it, and is therefore totally
unreadable, perhaps the people in Rule # 71 were right.
That or they should get over themselves and ignore the post.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 73 - "Flamers" and "Trolls"
don't enjoy what they do. Even if they tell you they are enjoying themselves,
they are not. Even if THEY think they are loving every minute of your heated
argument, they are fooling nobody but themselves.
I'm such a fool even I can fool me.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 74 - The difference between
random idiocy and high sophistication is a matter of vocabulary.
And nomenclature?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 75 - Arguing rationally with
somebody who just wants to try to piss you off is like masturbating with a
cheese-grater, and anybody who's seen Ford Fairlane will know what that's like.
Mostly painful, I would guess?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 76 - People who flood
newsgroups are different from people who send spam, in that the stuff they send
is, unlike spam, sometimes worth reading.
Sometimes it's worth writing, as well.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 77 - Flooding is the
Internet's way of telling a group of people, "This conversation is boring. Let
me help."
nOb Clinton: "I feel your pain."
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 78 - Somebody who *chalks*
without any good reason needs to be mocked by as many people as possible in as
short a time as possible in as many different languages as possible.
Did Thundarr ever play pool?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 79 - If you must make a
response in the fashion of somebody or something else, have the decency to
place the sacred abbreviation "nOb" in front of that person or thing's name
before proceeding with the response.
Never!
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 80 - Nobody cares if you're
not respected.
nObCartman: Respect mah athoritah!
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 81 - The only rights you have
are rights you carve for yourself out of other people's desecrated corpses.
This one's just too damn warm and fuzzy for my taste.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 82 - The best way to earn
respect and comradeship is by standing on a soap-box and shouting.
I thought it was making a website and throwing a tantrum.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 83 - Cabals are good for
television reception.
…and much smutty pic downloadey.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 84 - A Party is never
off-topic.
How about starting a new off topic thread Party, or maybe a dead party thread
remembrance Party?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 85 - The phrase, "Even
Einstein failed English!" reeks of the bottom of the barrel.
Again with the Pepsi dregs…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 86 - When you insult somebody
and somebody else objects, you've done damn well.
nOb Cartman: Sweet…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 87 - When nobody objects when
people insult you, but call you a crab when you insult others, it probably
means you are a crab.
Or that you have crabs…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 88 - If people are ignoring
you, your soap-box isn't big enough. Try calling everybody assholes.
Demanding assholes, aren't they?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 89 - Online IQ test results
are a muddy excuse for High Ground in a discussion.
If the ground is making you high, plant your weed in that soil…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 90 - Disclosing your
real-life profession purely to win a discussion is unmitigated folly, even if
your profession makes you an expert on the subject at hand. Often, especially
if your profession makes you an expert on the subject at hand.
I'm a housewife.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 91 - Just remember, everybody
wants to hear you say, "Me too," and they will actually read everything you've
left sitting above your two-word post before getting to it. Even if they've
read it before.
This is true only if you are really, really short.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 92 - People who cry about
HTML have never shat their kidneys out through a sandpaper-reamed asshole.
…and are tragically less for the lack of experience.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 93 - Anybody who complains
about line lengths needs to have a close relative bludgeoned to death to get
them in touch with real tragedy.
I'd have a smart-ass remark for this one, but I can't be bothered to read this
crap due to your nonsensical line length settings.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 94 - There are no new
questions, just new people.
[See next AFRoOaM response.]
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 95 - A Newbie is someone who
hasn't been around long enough to become an arrogant, opinionated fuck. Be nice
to them - they get old so fast.
I like the nubile much better.
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 96 - Resist the urge to snap
at a newcomer for something you would laugh at a regular for doing.
Like getting hit in the crotch by a football?
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 97 - Everybody is entitled to
make a bad first impression.
[Confidential]
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 98 - Everybody else is
entitled to mock a person who makes a bad first impression.
[Confidential]
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 99 - Be careful not to invoke
the Goddess Kikkibaloga (Goddess of Ancient Egyptian Slave Toilets) near a
Mormon.
I'm going out to buy candles…
Alt.fan Rule of Objectionability and Misconduct # 100 - Calling somebody a
child is childish.
You're such a baby…
--
The Vampire, "Muffin Man"
http://hometown.aol.com/grrroowwll/index.html
Major work done and stuff added...go check it out, damn you!