DIGIMON: THE... Uh... MOVIE...? Part 3 of 3
Chris McFeely
CGI SEQUENCE
Caption: Present Day
- - -
Kari (narrating): These days, the team's a bit older, but some things never
change. Tai's still obsessed with soccer...
We see Tai bouncing a soccer ball.
Kari (narrating): ...and Sora's still waiting for him to call.
Sora: Oh, don't be ridiculous. It's been three years.
Kari (narrating): Four years.
Sora: Whatever.
Kari (narrating): Izzy's idea of a fun night is upgrading is computer...
Charlene: Wanna - know - what - "upgrade" - is - obscene - slang - for?
Kari (narrating): NO! And Matt's trying to make it as a rock star! His stage
name is "The DigiDestined Formerly Known As Matt!"
Matt: *looks up* No, it's not.
Kari (narrating): Look, I have no control over the dialogue I'm being given
here. So shut up and let me finish. The older kids don't have a much time
for the DigiWorld, so there are new kids to pick up the slack.
Cut to the three new DigiDestined kids, and their Digimon, on the beach.
Kari (narrating): That's Cody, a real sensitive little kid... and that's his
Digimon, Upamon!
Upamon screams suddenly for no real reason, and bounces around, smashing
Cody's sandcastle to bits.
Kari (narrating): Yolei and Poromon can match wits with the best of them, as
well as tan lines.
Yolei and Poromon sunbathe, totally oblivious to the growing number of men
who crowd around to ogle Yolei in her tight, black, thin.... wet...
sticky... AHEM! Anyway...
Kari (narrating): And there's Davis, and DemiVeemon... who was Veemon in the
long shot a second ago... gotta love those animation errors... yeah, I know,
Davis looks a lot like my brother, Tai - they have the same personality:
obnoxious.
Davis: I'm gonna kill that Nimoy...
Kari (narrating): While those three were having a good time at the beach, I
was in New York with T.K. - partly to visit Mimi, and partly to make Davis
jealous!
Charlene (v/o): Strumpet.
On a New York City street, T.K. is attempting to take a picture of Kari and
Gatomon with Kari's digital camera, but their laptop computer is being
unresponsive.
T.K.: Not again...
Kari: It didn't go through? What's wrong with it?
T.K.: Hmn... I don't know... it says all lines are busy... there must be
some sort of electrical surge.
Kari: So, what do you think we should do now, T.K.?
Gatomon: How 'bout lunch?
Kari: Wait a second... did you hear that?
T.K.: Did it sound as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were
suddenly silenced?
Kari: No... I'm not sure what it is... it needs our help, though...
A grey mist materialises in the air, and signposts and mailboxes in it's
path are crushed.
Kari: Dig the special effects...
Kari (narrating): It turned out that the person who needed our help... was
Willis.
The older Willis is surrounded by the mist. A piece of paper blows past, and
clings to a wire-mesh fence, before blowing away. A tall, hairy Digimon -
Endigomon, the Champion form of Kokomon - is now standing behind the fence.
Willis: Kokomon, this has to stop!
Kokomon: Go... back...
Willis: Huh? Whaddaya mean, "go back?" Back to what?
Kokomon grunts some more, as Terriermon, at Willis's feet, looks up at him.
Kokomon: De... Destroy!
Kokomon smashes down the fence, and Terriermon leaps up to Willis's defence,
biting down on Kokomon's ear.
Willis: Terriermon!
Kokomon snarls and throws him off. Terriermon opens his mouth.
Kokomon: My, what a big mouth you have!
Terriermon: The better to shoot you with, my dear! BUNNY BLAST!
*BLAM!*
Kokomon keeps coming, and lunges for Terriermon, who flies out of the way.
Kokomon: KOKO CRUSHER!
Guns poke out of Kokomon's midriff and fire at Terriermon, who weaves
between the blasts and fires at Kokomon again.
T.K. and Kari run down the street.
Kari: Hurry, T.K., it's over this way!
Terriermon flies up higher, but Kokomon leaps up after him. Willis runs
along a nearby rooftop, and watches as Terriermon is knocked back down to
the ground. Kokomon stomps towards him, but Willis jumps in front of him.
Willis: Stop!
Kokomon stops moving, not wanting to hurt Willis. T.K. and Kari run past,
and T.K. sees Kokomon.
T.K.: Huh...? A Digimon!
Kari: I'm not sure it IS a Digimon!
T.K.: Aw, stop talking crap. It obviously is.
Kari: Sez you.
T.K.: Sez YOU.
Willis: A-hem?
Kari: Sorry.
Willis: Now TELL me! What do you want?
Kokomon: Go... back...
Kokomon steps back, and disappears into mist.
T.K.: Hey kid! Come here!
Willis snatches up Terriermon and runs.
Willis: Don't follow me! You're in danger!
Patamon: Leave it to me! I'll find out where he's going!
Patamon flies up over the city, following Willis and Terriermon.
Patamon: Woo... look at all the weird photo backgrounds...
Willis is at a telephone booth, and Patamon comes to rest on a lamppost to
watch him.
Willis (speaking into phone): Hi mom! My summer camp's going backpacking in
Colorado...
Operator: Please deposit ten dollars for the next three minutes.
Willis: I'll call you when I get there!
Willis hangs up, and walks towards a subway station.
Willis: Come on, Terriermon - we have to find transportation. I can't keep
running from him. We're going back.
Patamon: Colorado? Why there?
Cut to a little later, with T.K., Kari and their Digimon on a train. Kari is
using a laptop computer.
T.K.: Why don't you just use your D-Terminal...?
Kari: Shush. I'm sending an e-mail to Davis and the others to meet us in
Colorado.
T.K.: Where in Colorado, exactly?
Kari: ...in Colorado.
T.K.: Yeah, but WHERE? We know this kid is going to Colorado, so we're going
there, but we have NO CLUE WHATSOEVER just WHERE in Colorado he's going, and
no way to find out.
Patamon: What do you want from me, BLOOD?
Kari: Anyway... we could really use their help, I'm sure Davis misses me.
T.K.: You ARE a strumpet.
Kari: Do you even know what that means?
T.K.: ...yes...?
Cut to the beach where the other three kids are.
*bleep*
Davis: Huh? The D-Terminal!
Davis dives towards his D-Terminal, but lands six feet short and skids along
the sand.
Davis: Ow! Friction burn! Ow! OW!
Upamon splashes salt water on Davis.
Davis: YEAAAAAARGH!
Yolei mutters and picks up the D-Terminal. She reads the e-mail.
Yolei: A new kid with a Digimon...?
DemiVeemon: Yay! A new friend!
Everyone crowds around.
Davis: How does she expect us to get to Colorado? We don't have the money!
Meanwhile, in America, Willis and Terriermon walk along a dusty roadside.
Terriermon: Willis, do we have to go to Colorado?
Willis: You head what Kokomon said... "go back."
Terriermon: But why do we have to walk? My soles are worn out, and I don't
even wear shoes.
Willis: ...ew. But, look, quit your whining and listen...
Terriermon walks straight into Willis. The spike on his head jabs Willis
directly in the butt.
Willis: YEOW!
Willis: Oops, sorry, Willis. You've just got such a delightfully smooth ass.
Willis blinks.
Terriermon: Can't we call for someone to give us a ride?
Willis: Sorry pal, but you know Kokomon makes everyone close to us
disappear.
Terriermon: Isn't it weird that your mom's still around, then?
Willis: Come on... but just... walk in front of me, wouldja?
Terriermon: I have a better idea.
Terriermon hops up into the air and lands on Willis's shoulder.
Willis: Ew, ew, ew! I'm getting hair down my collar! What the hell do you
think you're doing?
Terriermon: This way, I don't have to walk...
Willis: Lazy bastard.
Terriermon: ...and you can stay in the shade!
Terriermon stretches his ears out.
Willis: Oh... okay... that's better! Hey, I don't suppose you could turn
into a glass of lemonade too, could ya?
Terriermon: What do I LOOK like?
Willis begins walking again.
Willis: Hey... that had BETTER be your LEG I feel back there...
Cut back to T.K. and Kari on the train - Kari's Digivice suddenly begins to
glow.
Kari: Huh...? Look! My Digivice!
The entire train begin to glow, and background inside it becomes like a
negative photo.
T.K.: What's happening to the train?!
Kari gasps as she looks out the window, and sees Kokomon stomping towards
the train.
T.K.: It's that Digimon we saw in New York!
Gatomon and Patamon jump up.
Gatomon: Lemme at 'im, lemme at 'im!
Kokomon: DON'T INTERFERE!!
T.K.: Now, where have I heard THAT before...?
The train screeches to halt, and T.K. is thrown into the aisle, while Kari
is hurled over a seat, and... and... my God, would you look at the ASS on
her? And she's only eleven! ...uh, yeah, anyway...
Kari swings herself over the seat, as T.K. stands up and looks around.
T.K.: We're not moving... where are we...?
...I'm sorry, but did you SEE the ASS on her?
Okay, okay, I'm stopping now.
Kari: "Don't interfere?" I don't think that Digimon wants us to get to
Colorado.
T.K.: Not that we actually know where we're going once we get there...
Patamon: You're just ASKING for it, really, you are.
Cut to a shot of a plane flying.
Davis (v/o, in plane): Okay Yolei, explain to me again why we have to stop
in three different cities.
Yolei (v/o, in plane): Erm... it's a secret.
Cut to a scene of a car driving rather madly down a busy street.
Davis (v/o, in car): And why do we have to take this particular taxi
company?
Yolei (v/o, in car): Uh... if I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Inside the car, the kids and their Digimon rock from side to side as it
weaves around.
Cody: It's not really that bad!
The cab driver leans back.
Cabbie: So, whaddaya say, you wanna hear some music? A-hyuk, a-hyuk!
Cody: We'd prefer something on the slow and easy side, if you have it!
Cabbie: Shooooor!
Some weird inbred-hillbilly country song, probably about being your own
uncle, starts playing.
Cabbie: Doo-bee-doop-be-dap-doo-boop! I'm pretty good, huh?
We cut to a scene of a plane starting up it's propeller. It's flies over the
screen, as Davis, Yolei and Cody wave goodbye.
Yolei: Bye... uh... "Uncle Fred!" Thanks for the lift!
DemiVeemon perches on a fence, as Davis leans on a post.
Davis: Yolei, your uncle's a lousy pilot.
Yolei: My uncle's not a pi- oh, right, yes... uh... yes, he's lousy... and
he's really my uncle, yessiree!
Somewhere else, the plane that just left sets down, and "Uncle Fred" vaults
out of the pilot's seat.
Uncle Fred: Mission accomplished, sir.
Uncle Al: Excellent work, Agent Uncle Fred. The sparrow must not be allowed
to return to the nest.
Uncle Fred: The crickets chirp nightly.
Uncle Al: My castanets clack only for you.
Uncle Fred: ...
Cut back to the kids.
Cody: According to the map, we're about sixty miles from where we're
supposed to meet T.K. and Kari.
Davis: Great! And how are we supposed to get there?
Something bleeps inside Yolei's backpack.
Yolei: Something tells me I have an "uncle" around here who can help...
Davis: No! No more planes, no more cars, no more uncles! It's gotta STOOOOP!
On the road nearby, a big mack truck comes to a halt.
Truck Driver: Did someone say stop?
The kids run up, and Cody climbs into the truck - although as a result of
stupid American scene reorganisation, it's Willis's legs that are hanging
out. Stupid Americans.
Cody: Climb in, guys, it's perfect!
Davis: I'll handle this! *to driver* Uh, yes, ma'am, I did say stop - I'm
testing out my own truck stop, and it worked perfectly! You stopped!
Yolei: Well, at least my way, we weren't stowaways.
Kari (narrating): For all the changes made to these scenes in the US
version, where it was changed from hitchhiking to Yolei's "uncles," can
someone PLEASE tell me how being a stowaway is better than hitchhiking?
The kids all get into the truck, and we see that Willis is there too. The
truck drives off.
Davis: *to Willis* Heyya pal! You must've had the same idea we did!
DemiVeemon sniffs around Terriermon, who is standing stock still, apparently
pretending to be a toy or ornament, or something, to little effect. Davis
clonks DemiVeemon on the head.
Davis: Hey, would you cut it out? That's rude! Plus we don't know that this
is the kid with the Digimon yet, so we're being very cavalier about letting
our own Digimon be out in the open like this, but, anyway...
Cody: Where'd Davis learn the world "cavalier?"
Davis: *still talking to Willis* Don't mind him. *thwacks Cody* He's...
young.
DemiVeemon: Davis, guess what?
Davis: Ooh, ooh, I love these games! Okay, okay - animal, mineral or
vegetable?
DemiVeemon: He's a Digimon!
DemiVeemon points at Terriermon.
Terriermon: Uh-oh.
Davis: Uaah?
Yolei: Hey! He's right!
Cody: Wow! In America, they have Digimon by the truckload!
*drumbeat*
Cody: Thank you, thank you, I'm here until Sunday.
A little later, all the kids and Digimon have got off the truck, and are
standing around on a grassy field at the roadside.
Willis: Our Digimon like each other!
Terriermon: ...so the guy says...
Poromon: "I was talkin' to the duck."
Terriermon: Hey! Don't spoil my punch lines!
Terriermon starts clawing at Poromon.
Willis (oblivious): Y'know, this is kinda nice... bein' around others for a
change.
Terriermon: Yeah, for as long as I can remember, it's just been me and
Willis, all alone.
Poromon: "Willis and I."
Terriermon: I don't like you.
Yolei: But having a Digimon makes you a DigiDestined, and we're all part of
a team - why are you alone?
Willis: Well, let's just say I have my reasons. Anyway, it's nice meeting
someone as cute as you.
Yolei blushes and Davis walks between the them.
Davis: Yeah, yeah, nice non-sequiter, blondie.
Willis: What's the matter with you, Davis, did I say something wrong?
Davis: RRGH! Look, we found this kid, now what do we do?!
Cody: He's just mad because he was hoping to meet up with Kari by now.
Willis: Well, my family's summer home is just a couple of towns away from
here. You guys can wait for them there, if you like.
Yolei: I'd better e-mail Kari to let them know where to meet us.
Willis: Where are they coming from?
Yolei: From New York.
Willis: I'm going to make a big leap of logic and assume they were the kids
behind the fence. That girl was cute too... she had a nice ass...
I'm stopping now, really, I am.
Davis: THAT's it, lover boy! Leave Kari's ass out of this!
Willis: Look, Davis, I wasn't trying to step on anybody's toes... how about
I just make a phone call and get us all a ride to my house?
Cut to a few seconds later - Willis is at a roadside phone box.
Willis: Hi, I'd like to order a large pizza for delivery, with mushroom,
sausage, pepperoni, pineapple, Canadian bacon, anchovies and green peppers.
Davis: That sounds delicious, Willis, but aren't YOU going to have anything?
Terriermon: If Davis eats it all...?
Terriermon makes barfing noises while DemiVeemon giggles like a mad thing.
Davis: That's Yolei, not me.
Yolei: HEY!
Willis: Now, you're going to deliver that pizza to my house, right? Well,
would you mind doing me a favour and pick us up along the way?
Davis: Tell her to forget the whole thing - I'm in the mood for Chinese!
Willis: *to Davis* Shut up!! *into phone* Oh.. uh... no, I said... line up!
We'll line up at the side of the road with a sign so we're easy to spot!
Willis hangs up.
Cody: I see you've done this before.
Willis: They'll be here in two minutes or it's free.
Terriermon: Willis, you're smart.
Poromon: *mocking* "Willis, you're smart... Willis, I love you... Willis, I
want to marry you..."
Terriermon: Just keep pushing, pinkie.
Davis: It was mostly MY idea.
Willis: Great! Then you're buyin' the pizza!
Davis: Huh?!
Willis: Hey, it's your pie, you buy! Don't open your big mouth - unless it's
to eat p- ...actually, no... just don't open your big mouth. Ever.
Cody holds a sign in the air, and a van pulls up.
Pizza Guy: PIZZA!
Yolei and Cody run up to the van.
Yolei: Come on, guys! Let's go!
Davis: Okay, if I'm paying for it, I get the first half - and, I get the
second half too.
Davis leans on the truck.
Terriermon & Willis: Greedy bugger.
Davis: Now that THAT'S settled, I guess we're ready to GO! Ha-ha!
At Davis's cry of "go," the van starts up, and zooms off down the road.
Davis falls flat on his back. Yolei waves from the back of it.
Yolei: We'll tell you how the pizza tasted!
Davis gets up.
Davis: Ooh... if that driver thinks he's gettin' a tip, forget it!
A dark mist float through the air, and curls around Terriermon.
Terriermon: Oh...!
Willis's Digivice begins to bleep.
DemiVeemon: Davis...!
Davis: What is it?
A footprint appears in the ground, and a signpost is crushed, as Kokomon
appears from the mist.
Kokomon: DESTROY!!
Willis: Kokomon...!
Davis: You KNOW this Digimon? DemiVeemon, quick, Digivolve!
DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS!
DemiVeemon: DemiVeemon, Digivolve to...
DIGIMON ARE THE CHAMP-YONS!
Veemon: ...Veemon!
Veemon charges towards Kokomon.
Veemon: VEE HEADBUTT!
Veemon slams into Kokomon's chest, and he grunts, but stays standing.
Kokomon: Rrgh!
Veemon jumps up and lands on his back, and then jumps off. He runs along the
ground, and Terriermon picks him up, and they circle in the air.
Davis: All right, pick me up! We'll attack him from the air!
Terriermon swoops away from Davis.
Terriermon: You'll break my ears! Get away, get AWAY!!
Veemon: What're you gonna be able to DO anyway, Davish?
Davis: Pick me UP, dammit!
Willis: Watch out for that sign!
Davis, Terriermon and Veemon all slam into a large billboard and crash back
down onto the ground.
Davis: Time for... plan... B....!
DI-DI-DI!
Veemon: Veemon, Armour Digivolve to...
DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS!
Flamedramon: ...Flamedramon! The Fire of Coura-cha-cha-cha!
Flamedramon leaps into the air.
Flamedramon: FIRE ROCKET! Or FLAME FIST, you chose!
The fire balls blast Kokomon, and look like they set him on fire, but you
couldn't really be sure, honestly. Kokomon hurls Flamedramon backwards, and
be smashes through a billboard, and Willis, Davis and Terriermon run.
Davis: Just one question... who is that? And WHY IS HE ATTACKING US?!
Willis: There's no need to yell, y'know.
Flamedramon leaps at Kokomon again.
Kokomon: CABLE CRUSHER!
Kokomon's arm telescopes out and punches Flamedramon in the stomach, sending
him crashing into the ground. Kokomon runs and jumps, trying to squash him,
but Flamedramon leaps out of the way.
Kokomon: KOKO CRUSHER!
Kokomon starts blasting, and one of the shots catches Flamedramon and he
falls to the ground, leaving a smoking crater. Kokomon stomps towards him,
but Willis runs into his path.
Terriermon: Again with the running...
Willis: Kokomon, stop! I'm doing what you want! I'm GOING back!
Kokomon: Go... back... to... the... BEGINNING!!
Kokomon raises his arm high, and Terriermon just manages to push Willis out
of the way as he brings it down, smashing it hard against the ground.
Terriermon spins around and glares at Kokomon.
Davis: Willis, use your Digivice!
Willis's Digivice bleeps.
Terriermon: I feel strange...
Kokomon: Bloated?
Willis: Trapped wind?
Davis: Try Remigel.
Terriermon: Not that... Whoop!
Terriermon jumps into the air and spins around, creating a bubble of green
energy around himself.
Terriermon: TERRIERMON, DIGIVOLVE TO...
DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS!
Gargomon: ...GARGOMON!
The energy bubble shatters, and a shard jabs Kokomon in the eye.
Kokomon: OWW! I'm blind!
Gargomon lands on the ground.
Willis: Huh? He's got pants now!
Davis: There's nothing finer than animals in pants.
Gargomon: BUNNY PUMMEL!
Gargomon bitch-slaps Kokomon around.
Gargomon: You like that, bitch?
*slap*
Gargomon: You're my bitch now, bitch!
Gargomon smacks Kokomon again, and sends him flying through the air, through
another sign. Gargomon flies towards him.
Gargomon: GARGO CANNON, bitch!
Kokomon is blasted by Gargomon's attack. He struggles to get up.
Kokomon: Go... back...
Willis: What for...?
Kokomon: Go baaack...
Kokomon disappears into the mist again, which rises into the air and
vanishes. Davis staggers over, still nursing his nose from the crash into
the sign.
Davis: He put up a good fight, but... we won!
Willis: We didn't win anything, Davis! He's not going to stop until I give
him what he wants!!
Davis: What *does* he want? Maybe I can help!
Willis: Don't ask any more questions! It's for your own good! The less you
know, the better!
Gargomon has De-Digivolved into Terriermon, and runs up to Willis.
Terriermon: Willis, wait! We're a team now! It's okay to tell them the
truth!
Willis sighs - then, suddenly, down on the road, a van pulls up.
Driver: You the kid who ordered the pizza?
Willis: We... already got our pizza, mister.
Driver: Mushroom, sausage, pepperoni, pineapple, Canadian bacon, anchovies
and green peppers?
Willis and Davis look at each other.
Driver: Kid, you ordered the pizza five minutes ago. How fast did you WANT
me to drive to the middle of nowhere? I think I did good getting here THIS
quickly...
Willis: But...
Davis: If HE'S the pizza guy, then who...?
The camera switches to black and white, and cuts to a scene of a forest. The
camera jerks and bumps around, as Yolei and Cody can be seen running away up
ahead.
"Pizza Guy" (v/o, off screen): Piiiizza... PIIIIIZZAAAAA...!
Guy in audience: Oh my God, this is the scariest movie ever!
There's a blast of static, and the camera cuts to Yolei in an extreme close
up with snot, tears and various other kinds of ook splattering across the
lens.
Yolei: It's all my fault...
*bit of crying*
Yolei: I am... so... scared...
Cut back to Davis and Willis.
Davis: Well, the truth is, we don't have a ride anymore.
Veemon: No problem! I can handle that!
DI-DI-DI!
DI-DI-DI!
DIGIMON!
Veemon: Veemon, Armour Digivolve to...
DIGIMON ARE THE CHAMP-YONS!
Raidramon: ...Raidramon! The Storm of Friendship!
Davis: Yee-haw! Did somebody call for a ride!
Terriermon: That's co-ool!
Willis: Couldn't you have done that before?
Don't you just love when dubs poke fun at the original script? I know I do!
Hmn dee dum... Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon...
Raidramon bounds over the landscape, and three kids spot him and run along
with him.
Kid: Hey, can we have a ride too?
Davis: No can-do, we're on a mission!
The kids laugh for no good reason, as Raidramon disappears over the horizon.
They stop dead in their tracks. The one who spoke reaches up, and there's
the sound of a zip being undone. Uncle Al emerges from inside the boy
costume.
Uncle Al: The pigeons are taking roost.
Cut back to Yolei and Cody, who have made it to Summer Memory (Willis's
"vacation" home) as the deranged "Pizza Guy" looms over them.
"Pizza Guy": PIIIZZA!
Upamon: Look! It's a big gust of wind!
Cody: No, it's Davis!
Yolei: Same difference...
Raidramon continues to charge towards Summer Memory.
Willis: How do you stop this thing?!
Davis: ...good question.
Raidramon tramples the "Pizza Guy" into the ground, then runs headlong into
a wall, throwing his passengers off, winding up on his back, with his legs
still moving around.
A little while later, when everyone has got themselves together...
Yolei: So this Kokomon attacked you? Ugh! I knew we shouldn't have split up
the team!
Davis: Well, you COULD have asked that insane pizza delivery guy
impersonator to stop his van, you know.
Yolei: Rassum frassum...
Terriermon walks along the railing of the bridge everyone is standing on.
Terriermon: Where are your friends T.K. and Kari? *loses balance a little*
Woo...
Yolei: Oh yeah... they're still not here yet...
Davis: WHA-AT?! WHADDAYA MEAN, KARI'S NOT HERE YET?!
The force of Davis's yell sends Terriermon into the water below.
Cody: Good question. They really should have been here by now.
Veemon helps Terriermon up.
Wills: If I know Kokomon, your friends aren't coming at all.
Davis: That's it, pal!
Cody: You seem to know an awful lot about this monster.
Davis: Spill it! How do you two know each other?
Yolei: And more importantly - why is he only attacking you?!
Ahh, poor, uninformed Yolei... if only you knew what happened in the
original version...
Willis: Because! I created him!
Terriermon gasps.
Terriermon: You did not.
Willis: Well, in really, REALLY round-a-bout way.
Davis: You must be kidding! You can't just create a Digimon out of thin air!
Willis: I've told you too much already! Kokomon makes everyone who tries to
help me disappear - like I'll bet he did to your friends, T.K. and Kari!
Terriermon: Willis...
Willis: I have to do this by myself! I need to be alone!
Davis: Great! I'll go with you!
Willis turns around and punches Davis square in the face.
Davis: Am I to take it that you do NOT wish me to come along?
Willis says nothing and keeps walking.
Davis: Yes? No?
Davis runs after Willis.
The scene fades to evening, as Willis walks through the forest. Davis is
close behind.
Willis: Quit FOLLOWING ME!
Davis: No way... it's dark and scary in here, I'm not going back alone...
and we've been walking for hours, and you haven't said a word. What are you
running away from?
Willis sighs.
Davis: Being a DigiDestined means you don't have to face things alone.
You... wanna tell me your secret...?
Willis exhales, and his breath is visible in the cold air.
Willis: I see dead people.
Terriermon (v/o, off screen): Not THAT secret, the OTHER secret!
Willis: Oh! 'Kay. Eight years ago, a Digi-Egg came out of my computer, and
it hatched into twin Digimon, Terriermon and Kokomon. Well, actually, it
hatched into their Baby forms, but, anyway... I finally had my very own
pets - and they talked, too! It was the best!
Flashback sequence... we see some of the footage from the start of the
movie, with extra parts. Gummymon and Kokomon work a water pump.
Willis (v/o): They depended on me.
The young Willis ties a bandage onto one of Kokomon's... uhm... y'know...
blobs.
Young Willis: You have to give it time to heal, okay?
Willis (v/o): Sometimes, they would even do my chores for me! I thought it
would be cool to have more of them. The script says I got this stupid idea
of creating a Digi-Egg on computer - and that's when it all went bad.
Fade out of the flashback.
Willis: Before my Digimon could hatch, it was attacked by a virus, and it
mutated into Diaboromon.
An image of Diaboromon, holding his clock, appears. It changes to Willis and
his Digimon running through the field, as they were at the end of the second
part of the movie.
Willis (v/o): When Tai and the others destroyed him, I thought my bad dream
was over - but the real nightmare was just beginning!
As we saw at the end of the second part, the dark mist curls up behind the
young Willis.
Willis: The virus somehow tracked us down and dragged Kokomon away from me!
I've watched helplessly for four years, as he became this terrible monster!
A image of Kokomon appears.
Kokomon: GRR, GRR and AGAIN DO I SAY GRRRRR!
Cut back to real-time.
Willis: And now he's obsessed with chasing me. I know this wont end until he
's destroyed... but I can't do it! It's all my fault, not his!
Davis drops to his haunches, crying.
Willis: ...what'sa matter with you?
Davis: That's the saddest story... I ever... he-a-ard!
Willis: You've led a sheltered life, haven't you?
Willis picks up Davis's goggles.
Willis: I'm the one with the problem, not you. Get over it.
Davis: NOOO! WAAAAA!
Davis proceeds to thrash and cry on the ground.
Willis: Get up, or you're not getting any dessert.
Davis: Yes mommy.
There is a moment of very uneasy silence. Davis takes his goggles back.
Davis: Let's pretend I didn't say that.
Willis: Convince me...
Davis: We'll help you!
Willis: You will? How are you gonna do that?
Davis: My friend, we're DigiDestined! We'll find the answer together, as a
team!
Willis: I've never been on a team before! Anything I should know?
Davis: Two things - one, never use this many exclamation points in a scene!
And two, I'm the only one who can kiss Kari!
Willis: Just a little one?
Davis: I'm serious! Don't even joke around about this!
Willis: I dunno, she and I really hit it off in New York...
Terriermon: Willis...?
Willis and Davis look around, as Terriermon walks towards them, wrapped in a
blanket.
Terriermon: I don't mean to eavesdrop... but I've got really big ears.
*mutter* Big ears, yes, that's the ticket... ANYWAY... I know you're going
to face Kokomon tomorrow, and I want to be right there next to you!
Willis: No way! This is my mistake, and I wont risk your safety to correct
it!
Terriermon: What the HELL do you plan to do to him WITHOUT me? I'm not your
pet, damn you! I'm your friend, and friends are always there for each other!
Davis: Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! Teamwork!
Willis kneels in front of Terriermon.
Willis: Thanks pal...
Wills pulls the blanket up around Kokomon, as the scene fades out.
Fade back in to a field on a cliff top. All the kids and their Digimon - in
Rookie form - are assembled.
Davis: Okay, let's find Kokomon!
Willis: Don't worry about it - he'll find us!
The mist appears again, and a footprint appears in the flowers, as Kokomon
manifests in front of Willis.
Kokomon: Go back...
Willis: I did! I'm here! What else do you want?!
Kokomon: De... de... stroy! DEEEEEE-STROYYYYYYYY!!
Kokomon throws his head back and cries out, and the sky darkens.
Davis: He has a lot of issues... Dr. Ruth says to confront the source of
your anger...
Kokomon: Great idea!
Kokomon slams his fist down, and is surrounded by a bubble of red energy.
Willis: He's... Digivolving! Oh, thanks a freakin' lot, Davis.
Davis: A-heh....
The energy bubble shatters, and Kokomon emerges in his Ultimate form of
Antylamon. Terriermon walks towards him.
Willis: Terriermon, be careful! He's stronger now!
Paul Gordon: And a-one, and a-two, and a-one, two, three, four...
DI-DI-DI!
Terriermon: Terriermon, Digivolve to... Gargomon!
DI-DI-DI!
Davis: Veemon! Your turn!
DIGIMON! DIGIMON!
Veemon: Veemon, Armour Digivolve to... Flamedramon! The Fire of Courage!
DI-DI-DI!
Cody: Armadillomon! You too!
Armadillomon: Armadillomon, Armour Digivolve to...
DOOOO... DOOOOO....
Digmon: ...Digmon! The Drill of Power and Knowledge and Stuff!
Paul Gordon: ARMOUR... DIGIVOLVE!!
Kokomon glares at the Digimon as they Digivolve, but, obviously lacking the
awesome brain power of Infermon, does absolutely nothing to try and stop
them.
Yolei: Hawkmon! Go for it!
Hawkmon: Hawkmon, Armour Digivolve to...
DIGIMON, DIGITAL MONSTERS!
DIGIMON ARE THE CHAMP-YONS!
Halsemon: ...Halsemon! The Wings of Love!
DIGIMON!
The Armour Digimon charge forward, and Flamedramon makes the first move.
Flamedramon: THAT ATTACK WHERE I SHOOT FIRE OUT OF MY HANDS!
Kokomon does... SOMETHING... but it's really hard to tell what, because this
fight has been ripped to bits and stuck back together again with the
cinematic equivalent of duct tape in the US version. Suffice it to say, he
doesn't get hit, but Davis seems happy anyway.
Davis: That's the way!
Stupid Davis.
Flamedramon crashes through some rocks... I guess Kokomon threw him, or
something...
Digmon: I'll trip him up! Whoops...!
Digmon falls flat on his face. Halsemon groans. Kokomon gestures, and the
two of them are blown straight off the cliff, and smash into a rock wall
some distance away.
Gargomon: S'up, bitch? GARGO CANNON!
Kokomon does backwards somersaults, avoiding Gargomon's shots, and jumps
from the cliff, over to another rock face, which he climbs along. Gargomon
follows and keeps firing, but Kokomon somehow gets behind him, and throws
him through the air, skimming him across a river. Gargomon regains his
balance, and aims his guns at Kokomon, who is just hovering over the river.
Gargomon: Don't make me come over there, bitch.
Flamedramon appears at the riverbank.
Flamedramon: How do you like your Kokomon? Flame-broiled, or grilled?
Halsemon swoops in.
Halsemon: Can we end this quickly? After all, I'm totally useless in a fight
and suck ass so bad that it's not even true.
Digmon emerges.
Digmon: Howdy!
Yolei: Aren't our Digimon fantastic?
Cody: Digmon could be a bit more animated... ANIMATED! GET IT?! HA-HA! I
SLAY ME!
Kokomon sinks down beneath the surface of the river calmly.
Yolei: I guess that's it...!
Cody: Uh... yeah...
Willis: I don't think he's gone...
There's a flash of light, and the landscape lights up again, as a massive
black hand reaches out of the river, followed by an equally massive body -
Kokomon has Digivolved to his Mega form of Kerpymon!
Davis stares up at Kokomon.
Davis: We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Kokomon roars, and a ring of small black sphere blasts outward around him,
striking the Digimon. Halsemon reverts to Poromon, and falls in a lake, then
emerges as Hawkmon.
Hawkmon: I'm not a duck!
Upamon bounces along the ground, and goes off screen, to reappear as
Armadillomon.
Armadillomon: I need a nap...
Veemon: NNNNN...gah! I think I shtrained shomething trying to Digivolve...
Kokomon gestures, and the Digimon fly through the air towards his massive
hand.
Terriermon: We're being sucked in!
Kokomon grabs all four Digimon, and begins to juggle them.
Willis: This is all my fault...!
Davis: Why? Are you the one who taught him to juggle?
Willis: Yeah.
Davis: Oh. Damn you!
Veemon: Put ush down, you clown-rabbit-thing!
Willis: *to Kokomon* Let them go! Take me instead!
Kokomon: Okay!
Kokomon throws the four Digimon away, and floats towards Willis. A ball of
green energy crackles past, and Kokomon snarls and looks down to see
Terriermon staggering towards him.
Terriermon: What... do we have to do... to end this fighting?
Kokomon: DESTROY!!
Terriermon: Buh... Bunny Blast!
Kokomon simply catches the energy blast in his hand, as Veemon climbs up
over the edge of the cliff.
Veemon: A little help here?
Davis: Veemon! Let me help you up!
Davis pulls Veemon up, and falls over.
Veemon: Ha, ha! You fell over! HA!
Hawkmon flutters down.
Yolei: Hawkmon! I'll help you!
Hawkmon: No need, I'm fi-urgh!
Hawkmon lands in a heap, and Yolei hugs him.
Yolei: Oh, Hawkmon, I'm so glad you're not hurt...
Hawkmon: Verily, I knoweth, but thou dost not have to choke me to proooove
it...
Armadillomon pops up out of a tunnel he's dug.
Cody: Armadillomon!
Armadillomon: Cody! Ah've been diggin' all over for yah!
Veemon faces off against Kokomon.
Veemon: VEE HEADBUTT!!
Veemon leaps up and nails Kokomon in the gut with a Veemon headbutt.
Veemon: Funky glowy effect!
Terriermon flies overhead.
Terriermon: BUNNY BLAST!
Kokomon is hit in the face by the attack and is thrown off balance. Hawkmon
flies up, holding Armadillomon with his claws.
Armadillomon: Bombs away!
Armadillomon curls up into a ball and smacks Kokomon right in the middle of
the face, sending him toppling over.
I just LOVE when Rookies get to kick some ass! WOO-YEAH!
Veemon: All right, we gotcha!
Kokomon: Think again!
Kokomon somersaults over, getting upright again. He gestures, and all the
Digimon are sucked into his grasp once more. He lifts his arm up, hold it
over his open mouth.
Veemon: He'sh gonna eeeeat ush!
Kokomon: Tastes like chicken.
Angemon (v/o): HAND OF FATE!!
A beam of orange-white energy rips through Kokomon's arm, completely
severing it. Another blast does the same to his other arm, and the Digimon
fall down through the air.
Kokomon: You SHOT me!
Angemon whirls in the air and strikes a manly pose.
Davis: Angemon!
Kokomon: You shot me right in the ARM!
Angewomon twirls around, and pouts sexily for no real reason.
Yolei: And Angewomon!
Kokomon: Right in the ARM!
Hawkmon carries Armadillomon while Veemon clings on to Terriermon and they
fly to safety.
Hawkmon: Thou didst save us! Couldst thou have CUT it closer?
T.K. and Kari come running across the field.
T.K.: Sorry we're late!
Cody: T.K.!
Yolei: Kari!
T.K.: We'd have been here sooner, but... we... didn't know where we were
coming to.
Angemon: I try my BEST, dammit!
Davis: Yeah! Kari, you made it!
Kari: Gatomon and Patamon were worried, so they Digivolved to Angewomon and
Angemon!
Cody: No shiiiiit. Really. You don't say. I couldn't have figured that out
on my own...
Kokomon spits another black ball at Angewomon, but she weaves out of the
way.
Angewomon: CELESTIAL ARROW!
Angewomon's attack tears into Kokomon's side, even as she's sent tumbling
backwards as his loose arm spins through the air towards her. Kokomon's
whole body dissolves into black balls, and the entire landscape darkens.
Davis: Either this is an eclipse, or we're in trouble...
Willis: Or we've been sucked into some weird dark dimension that Kokomon's
been living in for the last...
Davis: WHAT'CHU TALKIN' BOUT, WILLIS?
And THERE it is, folks!
Yolei: It's cold...
Cody: I'm not supposed to be out after dark!
Kokomon materialises in front of them.
Davis: Look! His wounds are healing!
Veemon: It'sh gotta be the virush inshide of him!
Hawkmon has somehow reverted to Poromon, and squirms in Yolei's arms with an
injured wing.
Poromon: Let me go...!
Yolei: Poromon, there's nothing you can do! Stay here!
Willis: Davis... what's happening to you...?
Davis: Why don't you pick on someone your own size, you big bully?!
Davis shakes his fist at Kokomon... but he's been regressed into a toddler's
body, as has Willis.
T.K.: Kokomon is making time go backwards... everyone is getting younger!
Willis: Davis... you're a baby!
Davis: Who're you callin' a baby, you baby? *looks down at himself* Agh!
Hey! I'm a baby, look!
Willis: Back... to the beginning?
Davis: Willis, "Go back to the beginning" didn't mean go back to Colorado...
Willis: It means, go back in time to when the virus first attacked Kokomon!
Angemon: That's it!
Angemon's staff glows blue, and he projects the light on to Kokomon.
Angewomon: We have to stop him!
Angewomon's ribbons glow pink, and the light also surrounds Kokomon.
Angewomon: Before you know it we'll be changing diapers! Although... it
would be good practice...
Angemon: Nooo, no, no, we have to stop him, trust me!
Poromon struggles in Yolei's grip, but she holds him down.
Poromon: Let me go!
Yolei: I'm sorry, but you're grounded!
Davis makes an odd noise and waves his arms. Upamon bounces around, and Cody
cries annoyingly.
Angewomon: We don't have the strength to defeat him! The new Digimon will
have to use the power of the Golden Digi-Eggs!
Angemon: Come on! We have to Digivolve to our Mega forms, so we can release
the Golden Digi-Eggs!
Angewomon: That's what I was just SAYING! You never LISTEN to me!
Angemon: Whatever, honey. Would you be a good little woman and go make me a
cheese sandwich?
Angewomon slaps Angemon hard across the face.
Angemon: Owie... okay... later...
Angewomon: You're sleeping on the couch tonight, buster.
Angemon: Again?
Kokomon taps his foot.
Angemon: Oh, yeah, right. sorry. Angemon, Warp-Digivolve to...
DI-DI-DI!
Seraphimon: ...SERAPHIMON!
DI-DI-DI!
Angewomon: Angewomon, Digivolve to...
DIGIMON!
Magnadramon: ...MAGNADRAMON!
Dum dummmm... da-da-da-dummm... Magnadramon flies in circles around
Seraphimon.
Young T.K.: Woah... aren't they...
T.K. & Kari: ...beautiful?
Magnadramon: Beautiful? I'm hideous! I look like a GOAT! *cries*
Seraphimon: Uhm... you're not hideous... you're... erm.. ravishing?
Magnadramon: Don't lie to me, mister! Forget the couch, you're in the
garage!
Seraphimon: Dangit...
Seraphimon and Magnadramon begin to glow as they summon the Golden
Digi-Eggs. Kokomon snarls and jumps into the air, smashing the two Digimon
down at once, as the energy leaves their forms. Patamon and Gatomon hit the
ground, but the energy flows to Wills and Davis.
Gatomon: We released the Golden Digi-Eggs! Now the others can Golden Armour
Digivolve!
Willis and Davis look at the Golden Digi-Eggs as they form in their hands.
Davis: What the hell is this thing?
Jeff Nimoy scuttles in and hands Davis a script.
Davis: Lessee here... hmn... uh-hmn... Digi-Egg, huh? Hmn, okay.
Nimoy scuttles out.
Davis: This is our last shot!
Veemon and Terriermon run towards Kokomon.
Willis: What do I do with this?
Davis: Just do what the script says! Say: GOLDEN ARMOUR, ENERGISE!
Willis: GOLDEN ARMOUR, ENERGISE!
Veemon and Terriermon leap into the air.
DO-DEE-DOO-DEE-DOO-DOO!
Veemon: Veemon, Golden Armour Digivolve to...
Terriermon: Terriermon, Golden Armour Digivolve to...
DAH-DAH!
Magnamon: ...MAGNAMON!
Rapidmon: ...RAPIDMON!
DIGIMON!
Gatomon: Is that the coolest thing you've ever seen, or what?
Kokomon snarls, and Magnamon and Rapidmon fly around him.
Rapidmon: RAPID FIRE!
Rapidmon fires two missiles, which imbed themselves in Kokomon's head, and
explode. Black spheres fly everywhere, and then reform into his head.
Magnamon: MAGNA BLAST!
Magnamon fires bolts of energy which tear straight through Kokomon, the
wounds closing up behind them.
Davis: It didn't work!
Willis: He's too strong!
Rapidmon: Every time we attack, he regenerates! Let's blast him from the
inside!
Magnamon: The INSIDE?! Are you absolutely out of your GOURD?! There's no way
I'm gonna--
Kokomon materialises behind the two Golden Armour Digimon, and swallows
them.
Magnamon (v/o): Ah, crap...
Kari gasps.
Willis: He ate them...! Terriermon...!
Yolei bandages up the injured Poromon's wing, crying.
Yolei: Listen to me, Poromon... you have to give it time to heal...!
Somewhere deep within Kerpymon's body, this statement is acknowledged, as
the form of Endigomon appears, and growls slowly...
Endigomon: Time... to heal...
Meanwhile, Rapidmon and Magnamon float through a void filled with those
stupid frickin' black balls.
Magnamon: What's that, up ahead? Through the pesky CGI!
Rapidmon: I don't know...
Endigomon's form appears.
Rapidmon: Look!
Endigomon makes various hand motions.
Magnamon: What's he pointing to?
Rapidmon: There must be something inside of him! The virus!
Magnamon: He's trying to show us how to help him!
Rapidmon: What does he want us to do?
Endigomon keeps making hand motions.
Rapidmon: Uhm... two words... it's a book... a movie?
Magnamon: Sounds like...?
Rapidmon: I can get this, I can GET THIS...
Endigomon: Destroy.
Rapidmon: ARGH! You're not supposed to TELL ME! I'll give YOU "Destroy!"
RAPID FIRE!!
Rapidmon doesn't something rather different from what he called Rapid Fire
last time.
Magnamon: MAGNA BLAST!
Magnamon does something that involves a lightning bolt.
Back outside of Kokomon's body, he looms over Davis. Suddenly, his body
jerks, and he spits pink mist. His hands cover his face, as pink light
begins to glow around him... and suddenly, he is transformed into his
vaccine self - kinda, black eyes replace the evil yellow ones, and they look
down on Willis.
Willis: Kokomon...
Kokomon: Willis...
Willis: The virus... it's... all gone!
Kokomon: ...thank you...
Kokomon slowly deletes and his particles drift off through the air. Willis
cries.
Willis: Now I've lost... both of them...!
Terriermon flies down from the heavens, carrying Veemon.
Terriermon: You'll never lose me, Willis - I'm your friend! And friends are
always there... for each other...
Willis: Terriermon...! *sniff, snort, hawk, spit*
The scene fades to a little later on - everyone is their proper age again,
standing in the field.
Willis: I guess without the virus, Kokomon couldn't heal himself anymore...
the battle was too much for him...
Davis: Don't be sad, Willis! One thing you have to learn about Digimon -
they never really die!
Willis smiles and nods.
Terriermon: Phew!
The scene fades again, this time, to New York. The kids all stand on a
bridge.
Willis: Thanks for coming back to New York with me. I'm gonna miss you guys!
Davis: I think we'll see each other again.
Willis: I hope so! We were just getting used to being on a team, right,
Terriermon?
Terriermon: Yeah!
Willis: One last thing!
Willis grabs Kari and leans her over, and plants a gigantic smacker on her
lips. She drops to the ground, and then he does the same to Yolei. And y'
know, no-one ever seems to mention quite how freaked-out T.K. looks when he
kisses Kari...
Davis: Hey! What'd I tell you about kissing Kari?! She's MY girl!
Kari: What do you mean, "YOUR girl?!"
Davis: Uhm... dahh... me stupid... me talk crazy...
The scene changes to Willis at a phone booth.
Willis (into phone): Yeah, mom, I'm here on the island
.
Terriermon: Manhattan's got a lot of MOUNTAINS, then, doesn't it?! Stupid
dubbers...
Willis (into phone): I'm just waiting for the ferry, then I'll be right
home. Oh, yeah, I had a real fun time, it was a great trip! I met a lot of
new friends! I did get into a couple of fights... but I'll tell you all
about it when I get home. Yeah, I miss you too...
Terriermon: Does anyone besides me smell a Digi-Egg?
A Digi-Egg washes up on the shore.
Kokomon (v/o): Willis...!
Willis: Kokomon!
Willis and Terriermon run along the roadside. Willis falls flat on his face.
Willis: Get out from under my feet, you stupid dog-rabbit!
Kari (narrating): ...and I swear to you, of all that I've seen, T.K. has THE
biggest d-- oh, I'm on! Sorry, I haven't said anything in ages. Willis
learned that Davis was right - Digimon never really die. Their information
just gets reconfigured - only sometimes, they come back singing a different
tune!
Cut to some time later - Kokomon's hatched out, he's in his Champion level,
and he's feeling fresh and funky!
Kokomon: Ra bum, da-dum, da-dee-dum-dah-dum, dee-da-dee-dah-dee-dee-eee!
Willis: He's tone de-
Davis: *walks in from the side* Hey, now! If we're gonna do this crappy
ending, at least let's do it RIGHT!
The entire background splits in two and pulls back to reveal a multi-level
stage, with the entire cast of the movie in tuxedos and tuxedo-leotards,
with top hats and canes. Davis, Willis and Terriermon are thrown outfits
from off screen, which they quickly put on. Kokomon gets a top hat and a
cane.
Davis: Okay! Now let's DO IT!
Paul Gordon: On three, everyone... one... two... THREE!
ALL: Ra bum, da-dum, da-dee-dum-dah-dum, dee-da-dee-dah-dee-dee-eee!
Red Greymon: Hey now!
Parrotmon: You're an All Star!
Tai: Get your game on!
Matt: Go, play!
Sora: Hey now!
Mimi: You're a rock star!
Izzy: Get the show on!
Charlene: Get - paid!
Joe: And all that glitters is gold!
Tentomon: Only shootin' stars break the mould!
Diaboromon: Hey now!
Omnimon: You're an All Star!
Davis: Get your game on!
Yolei: Go, play!
Cody: Hey now!
T.K.: You're a rock star!
Terriermon: Get the show on!
Kokomon: Get paid!
Willis: And all that glitters is gold!
Kari: Only shootin' stars break the MOOUU-OUU-OOUULLLLD!! GOODNIGHT, AFD!
YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL AUDIENCE! WE LOVE YOU!
Cut to black.
Roll credits.
Murder dubbers.
- - -
THE END!
- - -
Jolly Trolly
Very good!
*rewatches the kari-ass-on-train sequence on the movie* How the HELL could
I have missed that!?
Misha
Heeh! I didn't!
Jolly Trolly
Misha <theevi...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2f345ce8.01081...@posting.google.com...
>:O STOP LOOKING AT IT IT"S MINE!
Misha
Actually, it's Kari's, and it's mighty fine...
But I'll take Kari off your hands anyways.
haruspex
:
: > > > *rewatches the kari-ass-on-train sequence on the movie* How the HELL could
: > > > I have missed that!?
: > >
: > > Heeh! I didn't!
: >
: > >:O STOP LOOKING AT IT IT"S MINE!
:
: Actually, it's Kari's, and it's mighty fine...
:
: But I'll take Kari off your hands anyways.
you guys need help... :)
--
haruspex: soothsayer to the stars
"sooth"
-me
Charlemagne The Jester King
>
>Sora: Oh, don't be ridiculous. It's been three years.
>
>Kari (narrating): Four years.
>
>Sora: Whatever.
Father Time:I say it's been twenty thousand years!
>Charlene: Wanna - know - what - "upgrade" - is - obscene - slang - for?
>
>Kari (narrating): NO!
Kari again:I'm sorry I yelled at you Charlene. I just didn't want anyone to
know I'm practicing to become a computer whore.
Charlene:It's-ok. Just-please-don't-let-anyone-know-about-our-relationship.
>And Matt's trying to make it as a rock star! His stage
>name is "The DigiDestined Formerly Known As Matt!"
The DigiDestined Formerly Known As Matt:My name is really an unpronounceable
symbol you dolt! Tommorrow you can call me Matt again though.
>Kari (narrating): That's Cody, a real sensitive little kid... and that's his
>Digimon, Upamon!
>
>Upamon screams suddenly for no real reason, and bounces around, smashing
>Cody's sandcastle to bits.
Upamon:If I continue to act like this, my secret plan will succeed! But what if
someone finds out about...
{dialogue cut out}
>Kari (narrating): Yolei and Poromon can match wits with the best of them, as
>well as tan lines.
Ra the Sun God:YEA-HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
>Yolei and Poromon sunbathe, totally oblivious to the growing number of men
>who crowd around to ogle Yolei in her tight, black, thin.... wet...
>sticky... AHEM! Anyway...
Austin Powers:You make me feel randy, baby! Do I make you feel randy when I
wear this thong?
{giant yellow teeth coverup everything that no one wants to see}
>Kari (narrating): And there's Davis, and DemiVeemon... who was Veemon in the
>long shot a second ago... gotta love those animation errors... yeah, I know,
>Davis looks a lot like my brother, Tai - they have the same personality:
>obnoxious.
>
>Davis: I'm gonna kill that Nimoy...
DemiVeemon:And it's the right thing to do for two reasons! The first is that he
sucks. The second is because Davis wants to and I'll blindly do whatever Davis
wants!
>Kari (narrating): While those three were having a good time at the beach, I
>was in New York with T.K. - partly to visit Mimi, and partly to make Davis
>jealous!
Kari:Well, I'd never make a good slut if I didn't try to make some idiots
jealous and fight over me...
>Gatomon: How 'bout lunch?
>
>Kari: Wait a second... did you hear that?
Vamdemon:Did I hear a little voice before the child spoke? Nah...It was
Tailmon.
Gatomon:I'm Gatomon you idiot! You don't belong here because this is a parody
of the dubbed version!
Myotismon:Yeah!
Gatomon:SHADDUP and be my bitch!
Myotismon:...sorry...
>T.K.: Did it sound as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were
>suddenly silenced?
>
>Kari: No... I'm not sure what it is... it needs our help, though...
Kari again:If I didn't blindly help everyone and everything evil, more people
would start to realize I'm a slut with no redeeming qualities at all!
>Terriermon flies up higher, but Kokomon leaps up after him. Willis runs
>along a nearby rooftop
WallaceWillisWuss:imneospiderman
>Kari: I'm not sure it IS a Digimon!
>
>T.K.: Aw, stop talking crap. It obviously is.
Random Japanese Writer with a Gun:They're not supposed to know that! It's a
show where the main characters are obsessed with monsters! They shouldn't know
that!
>Patamon: Woo... look at all the weird photo backgrounds...
Alraumon:We'd comment as to how high we are now...
Psychemon:But...
Tsukaimon:We're going clean!
All:I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!! Gimme that purple fog!!!!!!!!!!!
>Operator: Please deposit ten dollars for the next three minutes.
>
Miss Cleo:I'm going to predict your future! My professional Tarot card reading
skills have determined that...
{stranger barges in with a gun}
BANG!
{Cleo's dead body floats in the air}
Miss Cleo:DON'T MESS WITH FORCES YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!
{giant energy beams sublimate the guy with a gun}
>T.K.: Why don't you just use your D-Terminal...?
>
>Kari: Shush. I'm sending an e-mail to Davis and the others to meet us in
>Colorado.
Kari:Because it's not cool anymore! Season 3 is coming out soon and I need to
hack into the scripts to get myself in it! Even if it's only my voice, I must
be in it!
{Kari starts shivering}
Kari:This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening...
>T.K.: Where in Colorado, exactly?
>
>Kari: ...in Colorado.
Kari again:Somewhere in a field in Colorado.
Random Plotwriter:You idiot! You're not going to a field for another ten
minutes! You're terminated! You'll never work in bad dubbing ever again!
Kari:I'll kill the guy who messed with my script...
>T.K.: Yeah, but WHERE? We know this kid is going to Colorado, so we're going
>there, but we have NO CLUE WHATSOEVER just WHERE in Colorado he's going, and
>no way to find out.
>
>Patamon: What do you want from me, BLOOD?
Vamdemon:Mmmm...............
>Davis: Huh? The D-Terminal!
>
>Davis dives towards his D-Terminal, but lands six feet short and skids along
>the sand.
>
>Davis: Ow! Friction burn! Ow! OW!
>
>Upamon splashes salt water on Davis.
>
>Davis: YEAAAAAARGH!
Ken(out in the water):I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in my
room crying because of the awful things I did. I just wanted to get some cash
for making a cameo appearance, we ex-evil geniuses don't get paid very well.
Kari:Or laid very well.
>DemiVeemon: Yay! A new friend!
Random Person:Everyone's your friend until they try to eat your toenails off
your feet.
>Terriermon: But why do we have to walk? My soles are worn out, and I don't
>even wear shoes.
>
>Willis: ...ew
Indeed.
>Willis: Oops, sorry, Willis. You've just got such a delightfully smooth ass.
Terriermon:I thought that was supposed to be Kari's line...
Kari:I thought it was supposed to be Davis' line...
Davis:It WAS my line!
>Willis: Sorry pal, but you know Kokomon makes everyone close to us
>disappear.
>
>Terriermon: Isn't it weird that your mom's still around, then?
Random Voice Inside Willis' Head:You know you wanna kill everyone you know...Go
ahead, no on'es watching...You can blame it all on Kokomon...
>Willis: Hey... that had BETTER be your LEG I feel back there...
Terriermon:I thought I told you not to feel me Willis!
>Cut back to T.K. and Kari on the train - Kari's Digivice suddenly begins to
>glow.
Everything about her glows...
Kari:That's right I don't suck, I glow!
Charlemagne:You mean blow.
Kari:That too.
>The train screeches to halt, and T.K. is thrown into the aisle, while Kari
>is hurled over a seat, and... and... my God, would you look at the ASS on
>her? And she's only eleven! ...uh, yeah, anyway...
Kari:I take pride in my ass.
TK:Among other things that go there on regular occaisions...
{TK smiles real big as he stands up and...you know the rest!}
>...I'm sorry, but did you SEE the ASS on her?
Nope.
>T.K.: Not that we actually know where we're going once we get there...
>
>Patamon: You're just ASKING for it, really, you are.
So, so, so true!
>Some weird inbred-hillbilly country song, probably about being your own
>uncle, starts playing.
Well, they're all the same and about being your own uncle anyways...
>Yolei: Bye... uh... "Uncle Fred!" Thanks for the lift!
Yolei:Note to self-Perverts find large hips attractive. In season three lose
the clothes altogether...
>Yolei: My uncle's not a pi- oh, right, yes... uh... yes, he's lousy... and
>he's really my uncle, yessiree!
Yolei:Note to self-I must figure out who my uncle really is and where he
lives...
>Somewhere else, the plane that just left sets down, and "Uncle Fred" vaults
>out of the pilot's seat.
>
>Uncle Fred: Mission accomplished, sir.
>
>Uncle Al: Excellent work, Agent Uncle Fred. The sparrow must not be allowed
>to return to the nest.
>
>Uncle Fred: The crickets chirp nightly.
>
>Uncle Al: My castanets clack only for you.
>
>Uncle Fred: ...
Cool.
>Yolei: Something tells me I have an "uncle" around here who can help...
>
>Davis: No! No more planes, no more cars, no more uncles! It's gotta STOOOOP!
>
>On the road nearby, a big mack truck comes to a halt.
>
>Truck Driver: Did someone say stop?
YEA-HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Davis: Hey, would you cut it out? That's rude! Plus we don't know that this
>is the kid with the Digimon yet, so we're being very cavalier about letting
>our own Digimon be out in the open like this, but, anyway...
Indeed.
>
>Cody: Where'd Davis learn the world "cavalier?"
>
>Davis: *still talking to Willis* Don't mind him. *thwacks Cody* He's...
>young.
So true.
>
>Davis: Uaah?
Tsukaimon:You made a pretty noise...
>Cody: Wow! In America, they have Digimon by the truckload!
>
>*drumbeat*
>
>Cody: Thank you, thank you, I'm here until Sunday.
...
>Willis: Our Digimon like each other!
>
>Terriermon: ...so the guy says...
>
>Poromon: "I was talkin' to the duck."
>
>Terriermon: Hey! Don't spoil my punch lines!
>
>Terriermon starts clawing at Poromon.
Endigomon:Except for me, I hate everyone now.
>Willis (oblivious): Y'know, this is kinda nice... bein' around others for a
>change.
>
>Terriermon: Yeah, for as long as I can remember, it's just been me and
>Willis, all alone.
>
>Poromon: "Willis and I."
>
>Terriermon: I don't like you.
Poromon:You wanna fight punk? I'll take you on no problem!
Terriermon:Bring it on rookie!
Pointless Izzy Comment:Terriermon is the rookie here, folks.
>Cody: He's just mad because he was hoping to meet up with Kari by now.
Willis:Afterall, she promised sh'd whore herself to me so I won't die a virgin.
>Willis: I'm going to make a big leap of logic and assume they were the kids
>behind the fence. That girl was cute too... she had a nice ass...
>
>I'm stopping now, really, I am.
>
>Davis: THAT's it, lover boy! Leave Kari's ass out of this!
McFeely:Sorry.
>Willis: Now, you're going to deliver that pizza to my house, right? Well,
>would you mind doing me a favour and pick us up along the way?
>
>Davis: Tell her to forget the whole thing - I'm in the mood for Chinese!
Random Person:I thought Japanese didn't like anything Chinese...
Davis:But in the dub I'm only Japanese when someone mentions it! I'm not from
this planet unless someone says I am!
Little Green Guy:You're more alien than me, punk!
>Cody: I see you've done this before.
>
>Willis: They'll be here in two minutes or it's free.
>
>Terriermon: Willis, you're smart.
>
>Poromon: *mocking* "Willis, you're smart... Willis, I love you... Willis, I
>want to marry you..."
>
>Terriermon: Just keep pushing, pinkie.
Pinky:Did someone call for me?
>Willis: Hey, it's your pie, you buy! Don't open your big mouth - unless it's
>to eat p- ...actually, no... just don't open your big mouth. Ever.
Indeed.
>Kokomon: Rrgh!
Kokomon:Dear sirs and misses in the dialogue department. Due to the fact that I
can no longer get a job as a smart character I am going to sue the pants off of
you. Farewell for now, and yes I know none of you where pants.
>Davis: Willis, use your Digivice!
>
>Willis's Digivice bleeps.
>
>Terriermon: I feel strange...
>
>Kokomon: Bloated?
>
>Willis: Trapped wind?
>
>Davis: Try Remigel.
>
>Terriermon: Not that... Whoop!
Cool.
>Willis: Huh? He's got pants now!
>
>Davis: There's nothing finer than animals in pants.
Renamon:I'm also not supposed to be here, but I just wanted to inform everyone
that they must buy my new line of pants this fall...OR ELSE!!!!!
>
>Gargomon: You're my bitch now, bitch!
...
>Willis: Don't ask any more questions! It's for your own good! The less you
>know, the better!
Davis:And we all feel safe because I know even less than Tai, who knows even
less than nothing!
>Driver: Kid, you ordered the pizza five minutes ago. How fast did you WANT
>me to drive to the middle of nowhere? I think I did good getting here THIS
>quickly...
>
>Willis: But...
>
>Davis: If HE'S the pizza guy, then who...?
Driver:I'm just called Driver. Pizza Guy is a wanted criminal known for
senselessly impersonating Pizza Delivery Guy.
>"Pizza Guy" (v/o, off screen): Piiiizza... PIIIIIZZAAAAA...!
>
>Guy in audience: Oh my God, this is the scariest movie ever!
Indeed.
>There's a blast of static, and the camera cuts to Yolei in an extreme close
>up with snot, tears and various other kinds of ook splattering across the
>lens.
>
>Yolei: It's all my fault...
>
>*bit of crying*
>
>Yolei: I am... so... scared...
Kari:It's ok. Everything's your fault because you're just a horny little girl
and not a slut. Nothing's ever your fault if you're a slut!
>Kid: Hey, can we have a ride too?
>
>Davis: No can-do, we're on a mission!
>
>The kids laugh for no good reason
Obviously.
>The one who spoke reaches up, and there's
>the sound of a zip being undone. Uncle Al emerges from inside the boy
>costume.
>
>Uncle Al: The pigeons are taking roost.
Uncle Fred:What the hell are yout alking about ?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Upamon: Look! It's a big gust of wind!
>
>Cody: No, it's Davis!
>
>Yolei: Same difference...
GYAH! I hate that phrase!
>Raidramon tramples the "Pizza Guy" into the ground, then runs headlong into
>a wall, throwing his passengers off, winding up on his back, with his legs
>still moving around.
Raidramon:Just a little further and I'll get some Frequently Useless Miles! I
love being useless!
>Terriermon: Where are your friends T.K. and Kari? *loses balance a little*
>Woo...
>
>Yolei: Oh yeah... they're still not here yet...
>
>Davis: WHA-AT?! WHADDAYA MEAN, KARI'S NOT HERE YET?!
>
>The force of Davis's yell sends Terriermon into the water below.
And yet no one of any intelligence noticed it...Noticed what?
>Willis: I have to do this by myself! I need to be alone!
Ken:I'm the one that needs to be alone! Wormmon's followed me everywhere my
whole life! Or at least all the boring parts of it...But-hey, HEY! Are you
still listening to my bitching? You'd better be!
>Davis: Being a DigiDestined means you don't have to face things alone.
>You... wanna tell me your secret...?
>
>Willis exhales, and his breath is visible in the cold air.
>
>Willis: I see dead people.
>
>Terriermon (v/o, off screen): Not THAT secret, the OTHER secret!
Ooooooooooooooh! Mr. Secretive has lots of secrets!
>Willis: Oh! 'Kay. Eight years ago, a Digi-Egg came out of my computer, and
>it hatched into twin Digimon, Terriermon and Kokomon. Well, actually, it
>hatched into their Baby forms, but, anyway... I finally had my very own
>pets - and they talked, too! It was the best!
Willis again:It was so cool, but I hardly remember it...How old was I back
then? I need a new script...
>An image of Diaboromon, holding his clock, appears.
Only JT can say the word just right here.
>Kokomon: GRR, GRR and AGAIN DO I SAY GRRRRR!
The word's Arr.
>Davis: That's the saddest story... I ever... he-a-ard!
>
>Willis: You've led a sheltered life, haven't you?
>
>Willis picks up Davis's goggles.
>
>Willis: I'm the one with the problem, not you. Get over it.
>
>Davis: NOOO! WAAAAA!
YEA-HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Willis: Get up, or you're not getting any dessert.
>
>Davis: Yes mommy.
Cool.
>Willis and Davis look around, as Terriermon walks towards them, wrapped in a
>blanket.
>
>Terriermon: I don't mean to eavesdrop... but I've got really big ears.
>*mutter* Big ears, yes, that's the ticket... ANYWAY... I know you're going
>to face Kokomon tomorrow, and I want to be right there next to you!
>
>Willis: No way! This is my mistake, and I wont risk your safety to correct
>it!
>
>Terriermon: What the HELL do you plan to do to him WITHOUT me? I'm not your
>pet, damn you! I'm your friend, and friends are always there for each other!
I thought he'd know better...
>Davis: He has a lot of issues... Dr. Ruth says to confront the source of
>your anger...
>
>Kokomon: Great idea!
>
>Kokomon slams his fist down, and is surrounded by a bubble of red energy.
>
>Willis: He's... Digivolving! Oh, thanks a freakin' lot, Davis.
>
>Davis: A-heh....
Dr. Ruth:I also say that I don't exist except in Davis' mind. But then again,
Davis is too stupid to have a mind.
>Armadillomon: Armadillomon, Armour Digivolve to...
You know, it's great how they changed from Japanese to American to Brittish in
such a short amount of time...
>Kokomon glares at the Digimon as they Digivolve, but, obviously lacking the
>awesome brain power of Infermon, does absolutely nothing to try and stop
>them.
Cool.
>Flamedramon: How do you like your Kokomon? Flame-broiled, or grilled?
Does he really have to make lame jokes about cooking every time he appears?
Flamedramon:You want me to fry you, punk?
Charlemagne:no...
Flamedramon:Then shut up and read!
>Cody: Digmon could be a bit more animated... ANIMATED! GET IT?! HA-HA! I
>SLAY ME!
Ken:I should've slayed you too...
voice in Ken's head:It's slain you idiot!
Ken:I am truly sorry master...
>Kokomon grabs all four Digimon, and begins to juggle them.
Kokomon:Come one, come all! No one knows when they're gonna-
THUMP!
Kokomon:...Fall?
>Davis: Why? Are you the one who taught him to juggle?
>
>Willis: Yeah.
>
>Davis: Oh. Damn you!
Kokomon:He's right Willis. I need a better teacher.
>Davis pulls Veemon up, and falls over.
>
>Veemon: Ha, ha! You fell over! HA!
We're all laughing on the inside.
>Armadillomon: Cody! Ah've been diggin' all over for yah!
Armadillomon again:Ah even stopped in the south and got maself a knew axcent
wif knew speeling erwors!
>Veemon: Funky glowy effect!
Alraumon, Psychemon+Tsukaimon:You heavn't seen nothing yet...
>I just LOVE when Rookies get to kick some ass! WOO-YEAH!
FYI, I beat Omnimon with Agumon before. Stupid thing's all up to luck of the
draw...
>Veemon: He'sh gonna eeeeat ush!
What's ush mean?
Random Usher:It's what I do for a living.
Oh!
>Angemon: I try my BEST, dammit!
Angewomon:We're all blonds, even Kari...How'd you expect us to figure out what
to do?
>Davis: WHAT'CHU TALKIN' BOUT, WILLIS?
>
>And THERE it is, folks!
...
>Davis makes an odd noise and waves his arms. Upamon bounces around, and Cody
>cries annoyingly.
And that's a new thing?
>
>Angewomon: We don't have the strength to defeat him! The new Digimon will
>have to use the power of the Golden Digi-Eggs!
>
>Angemon: Come on! We have to Digivolve to our Mega forms, so we can release
>the Golden Digi-Eggs!
>
>Angewomon: That's what I was just SAYING! You never LISTEN to me!
>
>Angemon: Whatever, honey. Would you be a good little woman and go make me a
>cheese sandwich?
Chuumon:Mmmmmmmmmmm..........CHEESE!
>Young T.K.: Woah... aren't they...
>
>T.K. & Kari: ...beautiful?
>
>Magnadramon: Beautiful? I'm hideous! I look like a GOAT! *cries*
Cool.
>Seraphimon: Uhm... you're not hideous... you're... erm.. ravishing?
>
>Magnadramon: Don't lie to me, mister! Forget the couch, you're in the
>garage!
>
>Seraphimon: Dangit...
Upon hearing this, Seraphimon decided to start going by his real name once
again-Al Bundy.
>Gatomon: Is that the coolest thing you've ever seen, or what?
Patamon:Nope. Com/ere and give me some more, pussy!
Gatomon:Ok.
>Magnamon: The INSIDE?! Are you absolutely out of your GOURD?! There's no way
>I'm gonna--
>
>Kokomon materialises behind the two Golden Armour Digimon, and swallows
>them.
>
>Magnamon (v/o): Ah, crap...
Kerpymon:Tastese like-
Cherubimon:WASAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kerpymon:Idiot...
>Terriermon: You'll never lose me, Willis - I'm your friend! And friends are
>always there... for each other...
>
>Willis: Terriermon...! *sniff, snort, hawk, spit*
Willis again:I wanted to be alone again...I hate you...
>Davis: Don't be sad, Willis! One thing you have to learn about Digimon -
>they never really die!
Vamdemon:Except for me, I can die as many times as the writers will let me!
>Willis grabs Kari and leans her over, and plants a gigantic smacker on her
>lips. She drops to the ground, and then he does the same to Yolei.
Kari:I wanted more than a kiss you numbskull!
Yolei:Somebody hold me...Hold me real hard...REAL hard...
Davis:Is there anything that doesn't turn her on?
>Kari: What do you mean, "YOUR girl?!"
Kari again:I'm everyone's girl...As long as they call and do me more than once
that is.
>Willis: Get out from under my feet, you stupid dog-rabbit!
I was always wondering if the dubbers'd ever decide on Terriermon's identity...
>Kari (narrating): ...and I swear to you, of all that I've seen, T.K. has THE
>biggest d-- oh, I'm on!
TK:At least she's not telling the truth...Maybe if I sleep with her again
she'll say I'm 80 inches long! She'll do anything if you'll sleep witt her!
>Cut to black.
>Roll credits.
>Murder dubbers.
Good.
--
"The only offense is the way that mailbox was laughing at me."
-the Big Guy
Misha
> "Misha" wrote...
> :
> : > > > *rewatches the kari-ass-on-train sequence on the movie* How the HELL could
> : > > > I have missed that!?
> : > >
> : > > Heeh! I didn't!
>
> : > >:O STOP LOOKING AT IT IT"S MINE!
> :
> : Actually, it's Kari's, and it's mighty fine...
> :
> : But I'll take Kari off your hands anyways.
>
> you guys need help... :)
Heeh! Got it in one!
:: people in white coats knock at door ::
Hrm, excuse me, somebody's at the door...
Jolly Trolly
Misha <theevi...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2f345ce8.01081...@posting.google.com...
> "Jolly Trolly" <dch...@att.net> wrote in message
news:<3KTd7.7601$Ki1.6...@bgtnsc06-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>...
> > Misha <theevi...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > news:2f345ce8.01081...@posting.google.com...
> > > "Jolly Trolly" <dch...@att.net> wrote in message
> > news:<rrDd7.14007$1p1.1...@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>...
> > > > Brain...hurt....tooo....much.......reading...
> > > >
> > > > Very good!
> > > >
> > > > *rewatches the kari-ass-on-train sequence on the movie* How the
HELL
> > could
> > > > I have missed that!?
> > >
> > > Heeh! I didn't!
> >
> > >:O STOP LOOKING AT IT IT"S MINE!
>
> Actually, it's Kari's, and it's mighty fine...
>
> But I'll take Kari off your hands anyways.
Kari: Please...do...
>:O BACK OFF!
Juan F. Lara
Misha <theevi...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> "Jolly Trolly" <dch...@att.net> wrote in message
>> *rewatches the kari-ass-on-train sequence on the movie* How the HELL could
>> I have missed that!?
> Heeh! I didn't!
Neither did I. Someone should do scans of that scene. :-)