Novella, Novella
Tulitre
The next time this sort of thing happened, I actually thought I was
awake, even though I felt a bit peculiar. But again, after getting up,
I went into the bathroom and flipped the light switch. No light.
Quickly, I went into the living room and pulled the ceiling chain
just as I had done before. No light! This time, I immediately
knew that I must be dreaming!
I went over to the window where there was a little moonlight
coming in, and extended my hands into the light. There were
no weird effects (like there had been the first time I had seen
my hands in dreaming).
I opened the window and knocked off the screen. I climbed out
the window and walked out into my backyard (reflecting that it
was odd I could open the window but could not turn on the light).
I walked a short distance, stopped, and raised my hands to the
level of my face. They looked normal. I shifted my gaze to the
surroundings (consciously following don Juan's instructions).
After gazing briefly at the apartment building next door, I looked
back at my hands again.
I got the idea that it would be exciting to wake up out there
in the back yard (I was obsessed with this from the start---
a personal problem in dreaming). I began to struggle to attain
full waking consciousness. The moment I tried, I became
aware (while still standing there) that in some strange way
I was still in my bed. I could feel myself lying down, and could
feel the blanket covering me, yet I was also aware that I was
still standing outside.
It was highly intriguing to be able to stand out there, able to feel
the rocks beneath my feet and the wind softly blowing on me,
and yet also very distinctly feel the blanket covering me, and this
caused me to assume the viewpoint of my bed. Instantly I was
back in my bed. I leapt up quickly, wondering if this time I had
really awakened. I ran and pulled the chain. No light!
Still dreaming!
I walked over and climbed out the window again, and walked clear
to the street, there pausing to look at my hands one more time.
Then I began to look around. The neighborhood was different.
The street dead-ended in a housing edition (rather than a freeway).
I could see some Hispanic people out on their porch. I then
remembered that it was possible to travel in dreaming, and
suddenly I found myself out on an old 2-lane highway, walking
by the roadside alone, as cars flew past, illuminating me with
their headlights. This shocked me, and I again woke up in bed.
I leapt up, ran over and pulled the chain. The light came on.
I wrote the following poem soon after having this experience.
I consider it bad poetry, but oddly I like it exactly the way it is.
Waping Uk
wope uk again
thought I was awake
pulled on the chain
no light came
went to the window
looked at my hands
there in the moonlight
the hands of a man
opened the window
knocked off the screen
moved out the window
out into the street
looked at a building
back at my hands
gave thought to waking
in the body of a man
cool wind was blowing
I felt rocks and sand
felt the blanket on me
wope uk in bed again
leapt up quickly
pulled on the chain
no light to meet me
moved to the window again
out of the window
gazed at my hands
bathed in the moonlight
the hands of a man
out on some highway
traveling again
felt kind of lonely
woke up in bed again
leapt up quickly
pulled on the chain
bright light to meet me
the body of a man
***************************************************
"To dream our dream, you have to be dead."
(Being-In-Dreaming, by Florinda Donner)
Tulitre
I had been feeling sluggish and stuck in routine for few days,
so when I got home from work, instead of having dinner, reading
my e-mail, going out for a walk, or exercising, I opened all
the windows in the house, turned on my fans, and went right
to sleep.
I awoke at 2:00 a.m., freezing, after *dreaming* of awakening
to find all the doors and windows in my house wide open.
I had something to eat, read my e-mail, and then went back to lie
on the bed with the lights out, intending to try to enter into
dreaming from a waking state (which I had done only once before).
After about a half-hour of wandering thoughts without entering
dreaming, I must have gone back to sleep, for I could remember
having had another ordinary dream, before finding myself again
awake on my bed, trying to intend entering into dreaming.
This time, however, the light was *on*.
I usually attempt entering dreaming with eyes closed, but this time
I was staring up at the ceiling light fixture, while intending to
reach my dreaming attention. All of a sudden the light fixture
detached from the ceiling and began to float slowly down toward me.
The light began morphing into different bizarre shapes, and just
as I fancied that it was beginning to look like a grass skirt,
it started doing the hula in the air before me.
About that time it finally hit me: "hey genius, you are dreaming!"
When I had that thought, I looked up at the light bulb, which was
again a light bulb, although bereft of its fixture, and for some
odd reason I decided to beckon it, with a slight sweeping of my
left hand, to come down and sit upon my finger. Miraculously,
it obediently floated down, gently perching on my index finger,
still giving off light, and when I looked into the end where it
screws in, I could see little sparks flying around. The thought
occurred to me, "that realm in which miracles are commonplace."
At that moment, I suddenly woke up to a pitch-black house, but I
immediately knew that I was *still* dreaming (I'm not always slow).
So I went walking about through my house as I often did, pausing
for an old favorite, deciding to pull the chain on the ceiling fan
*and* on the light on the ceiling fan, just to test the remote
possibility that there is something specific to lights which
prevents me from affecting them. The light did not come on, but...
although it was dark and hard to tell, the dream fan *did* seem
to begin to turn. I began to marvel at the odd idea that I could
have air, but no light...
Then I walked to the other end of the house and stood in the bay
window, looking in awe upon the beauty of the sun beginning to
rise over the treeline, before finally awakening in my bed again.
I rolled over, went back to sleep, and *dreamed* that I woke up
again and typed the entire dreaming experience into a computer
journal (which I rarely did any more). Then I woke up for real,
and realized that I hadn't really made a journal entry! I had to
go to work, and when I got there I quickly typed up the dreaming
experience and mailed it in to the old Castaneda list.
-Tuli
Tulitre
Dreamed that a voice told me to get up. When I opened my eyes
and started to get up out of bed, a force took hold of me and
floated me up into the air.
The force had me lying horizontally in the air in the middle
of my living room, and I floated there very still for some time,
in what felt like a very powerful and peaceful condition.
At that point something else happened that I can't remember at all.
When I awoke, the power was off in my house (for real it turned out),
yet at first it sent chills up and down my spine to pull on that chain
as usual and have no light come on, and to sit there wondering...
if I was awake or dreaming. It was 2:30 a.m. It had snowed deep
and the snow was still falling. I looked outside. There was weird
ball-lightning flashing through the thick clouds, and transformers
were exploding on the telephone poles.
It was one of the most exquisitely bizarre moments of my life.
Tulitre
The Light Switch
What I would call aware dreaming states began for me in my
early 20's, and at first they were so dream-like and unreal
that I did not put much stock in them. In college, I used to
fall asleep on an old couch in my living room, and frequently
when I slept there I would suddenly conceive of myself as
being "awake", but strangely at the same time I would realize
that I was not my ordinary physical self (just sensing that I was
light and etherial, and intuited that my body was elsewhere).
I *had* read the first two Castaneda books at this time,
but neither of those contains information on dreaming.
For some reason, whenever this happened, I would always decide
to try to make it "outside" so I could run around. Usually I would
make a frantic dash for the door, and try to go out. Sometimes I'd
get pulled back as if there was a rubber band attached to me,
and sometimes I would get hung up trying to open the door,
and sometimes I would go right through the door and start to run
outside, before something would snap me back and I would wake up.
This happened seven or eight times while sleeping on that old couch.
After this, there was a gap of more than ten years before I recall
having similar experiences, and this time they began after rereading
Castaneda, who had fascinated me for years.
I can't say exactly what it was that made me want to get up out of bed.
It was a very strange feeling that I wanted to wake up and could not.
I struggled very hard against "a force" that seemed to prevent me from
waking or moving, and made some progress, getting to the point where
I could move my body. For a second I thought I had fully awakened
but as I sat up I realized the weird force still had a hold on me.
This force felt like having my "consciousness-body" wrapped up in
elastic bands, or like being inside of a cocoon. I could not break out,
and it felt so strange I could not lie down and go back to sleep either.
I mustered great energy and stood up, with the plan of turning on the
bathroom light (I slept on a futon on the floor in something like a
small closet). Movement was odd, it was like I had to will each step.
I made it into the bathroom and groped for the light switch. I flipped
it on and noticed two strange things: the switch did not feel quite
solid, or my hand felt that way (but I thought that I heard it flip),
and, the light did not come on!
I became a bit frightened and immediately went for the light in
the living room (on a different fuse). I reached up and pulled the
hanging chain there, having the same sensation (this time thinking
that my hand felt a little weird), and...again...no light! I became a
little more frightened, but then thought that perhaps my neighbor
had accidentally turned off the power. I decided to sit down on
the couch and make a serious attempt to calm myself and break
out of the the strange "force" which still seemed to envelope me.
When I sat down, my body felt as if it barely touched the couch;
I could feel it if I focused on it, but it was like my body was
very, very light. I did NOT feel like I was awake and normal;
I did NOT feel like I was asleep and dreaming; I was positive
that in some weird way I was *really* sitting on my couch.
I became desperate and struggled with all my might against the
force, which I conceived of as being like an elastic cocoon.
Just as I thought I was about to succeed in breaking it, the force
became much stronger and everything went black. I panicked---
and in the next instant I woke up in my bed. I was profoundly
shocked to be back in bed! I guess that I really wanted to believe
I had been sleepwalking, and had expected to wake up sitting
there on the couch.
Tulitre
I "woke up", stood up and walked around my house for a while
feeling very strange before realizing I was dreaming. Humorously,
the night before I had done the same thing, and had actually gone
back to lie down in bed without even realizing I had been dreaming,
only to wake up when I tried to go back to "sleep".
With a thrilled yet slightly anxious feeling (it had been a month
since having had such an experience) I realized I could look at
my hands, and I lifted them up and stared at their outline in the
dark room.
As usual, I walked to the window, and raised them again in the
dim moonlight. Then I pulled back the curtain, and placed my
hands on the cold window pane, staring at my hands while
marveling at how *real* that window felt.
Then, as I had done before, I opened the window, wrenched off
the screen and threw it aside. I climbed out the window (still
marveling at how real everything felt, and as I walked out into
the yard, about every five steps I raised my hands and stared
at them for a moment. After walking about a hundred feet I turned
and looked back at my house. Then I looked at my hands again.
I became aware then that I was snoring as I stood there (this was
slightly irritating). I also became aware that some part of me was
back in bed, snoring (for a moment I had again considered the
possibility that I was sleepwalking and was *really* out in the yard),
and this re-established the certainty that I was *dreaming*.
I considered walking to the exact spot where I had been when I tried
to wake up before (in another experience), and trying it again, but at
the prompting of my "inner voice", decided not to.
Next I made up my mind to walk to the front door of my house,
open the door, and go back inside. So I began to walk toward the
front of the house, again stopping about every five or six steps
to stare briefly at my hands. I was still snoring continuously
(and this began to seem terribly weird to me).
I reached the front door and fished a key out of my pocket.
As I tried to unlock the door I found myself back inside the house.
Everything was different! The lights were on. There was a large
bed in the corner (instead of my small futon). There was a TV set,
and Johnny Carson was on (I had no TV). And there was a huge
sliding glass door in the south wall where the window I climbed out
had been.
It's difficult to explain this, but although I realized it was not my
usual house, the house did not seem unusual to me. In fact,
it seemed familiar, because at that time, I had "dream houses"
that I had dreamed of many times, in which I felt almost as
"at home" as in my "real house"---and so, what I actually felt
was that I was simply "back in my house".
Suddenly I "woke up" again, in the bed of my "dream house".
I ran to the sliding glass door to see if I had left it open (in my
thoughts, the door has now taken the place of my window).
I really thought I was awake this time, and I wanted to check
for physical evidence of actual travels that might have occurred.
The sliding glass door was ajar (which I took as evidence),
and while closing it and locking it (so real), I noticed that
outside in the back yard a torrential rain had begun to fall.
A lot of light was coming through the large door, and from it
I could see my tracks in the mud leading out into the back yard.
Suddenly I was on the other side of the door, standing in the rain,
snoring again. Again, I became fully aware that I was dreaming.
I raised my hands and stared at them again, this time through
the pouring rain, and began to retrace my path out into the yard.
I walked all the way out to where I had been before, turned around
and looked back, and dimly through the rain I saw my "real house".
After taking one last glance at my hands, I began to walk back
to the front door, this time slogging through ankle deep water
(and becoming annoyed that I was getting so wet). When I reached
the front door, everything went black and I woke up in bed. I jumped
up and pulled the chain (to make sure I was back for real). Light!
I had a strange feeling of a tremendous pressure in my head, and
also had the feeling that if I were to lie down and relax I could slip
right back into a dreaming state. I didn't want to do that, so I got up
and made a sandwich. By the time I finished eating it, the pressure
in my head was totally gone.
Pete Ross
Tuli=dp
>
>***************************************************
>"To dream our dream, you have to be dead."
>(Being-In-Dreaming, by Florinda Donner)
So are you dead, or alive?
Pete Ross
>***************************************************
>"To dream our dream, you have to be dead."
>(Being-In-Dreaming, by Florinda Donner)
Does this mean that you are dead? Ofcourse, some OOB people call this
"the little death". Are you dead, or alive?
dPedro
Tulitre
It Came Between Us
We had another one of those dream state conversations. This time
I remembered more of it than she did. It was like verse. She would
say her part, then I would say mine. And in a strange way, each
part of a verse pair meant exactly the same thing, but in completely
different words. Something was holding a conversation between us.
I canonly remember the structure, not the actual words, but part of
it was definitely about love.
-Tuli
Tulitre
Another Incident
N. had a vision in the night so intense that it frightened her.
She woke me up and tried to tell me about it. She tells me
that I discussed it with her as if I understood perfectly, but I
have no memory of the conversation. I was in another altered
state of some sort. I only vaguely recall the end of the
conversation. I had been gibbering about something,
then woke up enough to realize I didn't have any idea what I
was talking about. I said "scratch that, I'm in one of those
states again", and rolled over and went back to sleep.
The next day, after pressing her repeatedly for a description
of her vision (which seemed indescribable to her), I managed
to get that:
"We were together in some place. The intensity of our
relationship and/or the experience was turning her inside out.
Some kind of door opened bathing everything with a blinding light.
She insists that I calmly told her that the same thing happened
to me, but I have NO memory of the incident or the conversation
after the incident. She says I made perfect sense through the
whole conversation.
Tulitre
Dream of a Birth
I dreamed that I was surrounded by blackness, and was completely
encompassed by something, so that I could not move. As I became
aware of this, I began to struggle to move. Whatever was surrounding
me would give a little but would not yield. I felt extremely frustrated,
and struggled again and again in vain. I also had the distinct feeling
that I was in a situation I had been in before, almost a feeling that I
was dreaming a recurring dream.
All of a sudden I realized where I was. I was in the womb of a woman,
and I was a baby struggling to be born. With this realization, I began
to feel my way around the place a little, squishing all sorts of gooshy
things with my feet. I realized there must be an opening somewhere
in the smooth, warm elastic wall, and began consciously feeling for it
with my head. I found the opening, and began pushing myself into it,
almost desperately, and also began to feel the turbulent reactions
of the woman's body to my progress. There was a definite feeling of
anxiety connected with being enclosed in such a "tunnel", and I wanted
very much to accomplish the passage as quickly as possible. But in
some way, I felt confident. It stemmed from that feeling, now familiar
to me, of "trusting my personal power".
At this point the dream scene changed. I was sitting on the floor in
some living room, and across from me, staring at me, was a boy about
four or five years old. He pointed at me, and playfully called out my
name. He called me a name I could not quite understand---one of
three different possible names. I have wondered to this day if it was
the same name N. would choose for our son about a year later.
Additional:
I dreamed of my son twice before his birth---once as a newborn
babe, and again as a child of about three. The dreams were
visually accurate. At the age of three he looked very much like
he had in the dream. In the dream, I was standing to the side
and behind him, holding him back from playing in a fireplace fire.
I remember very distinctly the look and the feel of his eyes.
There is no doubt in my mind that I saw him, as he would be.
Indeed, the thing that stood out in the dream of him as a newborn
babe was also his eyes. They were unusually bright and piercing
and intelligent in the newborn dream, and they were very soft and
contemplative in the fireplace dream. But both were unmistakable
and to me very recognizable aspects in what he would come to be.
Tulitre
"She's just an image on your computer screen."
I wasn't sure, but I felt it had been directed straight at me,
although I had not spoken to her, and had even walked by with
my face averted, retrieving my pack, as Carol Tiggs hugged one
of the other warriors (I think it was the blue scout).
I've played a lot of mind games in my life, and the first thing that
occurred to me was "not bad, but I've heard better". However, as
soon as I got rid of my defensive reactions, I started to ponder the
remark, and I realized that it had cut me to the quick. I couldn't
get it out of my head, as I thought about it later, lying in bed.
It really bothered me. I wanted to say it wasn't true, and yet...
perhaps it was, in more ways than one! Perhaps I made more
of it than was there, perhaps...a lot of things---but it ended up
having multiple meanings, two of which really ate at me.
I had various reactions to the remark, such as: "I haven't the
slightest idea who you are" (and she talked some about who
she was the very next morning, with her eyes shiny and black)
I even wondered if it was an invitation to approach her as a
teacher. My inner voice said no.
But in the end, the main effect it had on me was to illicit an
unearthly and powerful affection deep down inside. I *would*
like to know who you are, I thought, but I'm not sure I've got
the chutzpah to find out. Whatever you are, the fact of your
life has meant a great deal to me. Yes, I really wonder:
who are you? And whatever I am, however messed up,
how could it really matter that much?
But I felt like I had lost. I had had a great deal of trouble with the
last few movements of the workshop, and I was unable to speak
directly to any of the warriors.
There were gestures, as clearly they saw my bid, and recognized it,
probably more than it merits, but I still felt left behind. The warriors
said hello to me when they entered the room, passing my position
of "door guard", which I really did consider a great privilege. Carol
called me by name once. Florinda even gave me a gentle caress
on her way out at the end of the last session (I can do nothing but
stand there half-smiling, like an idiot, concerned with my self),
as I struggled to maintain my cool while floundering with the
movements. They all make me feel extraordinarily self-conscious...
My inner voice keeps saying "that's it". It says "it is over".
It also says "you're there", over and over. It's driving me crazy.
(About a month later it had become clear what that all meant,
and it was absolutely true, but I cannot reveal the meaning yet.)
I resisted the urge to talk to that little girl, and I was even afraid
she would resent me, since she kept trying to do her Tensegrity
near me, and my arm-span and leg-span makes this difficult for
all that live. I whacked three people this weekend, including the
president of Cleargreen once. Jesus. I had one hell of a time...
The little girl was making a nervous wreck out of me, because
she kept winding in and out all the time, and I had to keep an eye
out for her. People kept coming to the bathroom, to the water
cooler, in the back door, out of the bathroom, into the store room,
out the back door, out of the store room, and I had to watch out
for all, *and* the little girl. It was "devil's corner", and I was barely
learning the movements.
Soon after the workshop, one night I closed my eyes for a little
relaxation after dinner, and fell asleep briefly. There was a
loud bang at the window, of the room that I had as a boy.
Startled, I turned to see Zaia and a young child that I could recall
dreaming about before (I don't think it was the same little girl,
but it may have been...I focused almost entirely on Zaia).
I could even recall that in previous dreams I had been waiting
for them or something like that...
I ran quickly to open the sliding door in the front room, excited to
go out to talk with Zaia, fully aware that I was about to meet
sorcerers in dreaming, and thinking to myself: "wow, this is it,
I wonder what they will do..", yet as I opened the door my vision
began to cloud over, and as I tried to walk through the door
anyway, at the sound of her musical voice saying "Yes, David..."
I woke up.
This experience seems symbolic of my experience in their world.
In my dreaming, the sorcerers keep having other workshops.
In addition to these, I have been involved in a "scavenger hunt"
of some kind, organized by sorcerers, that takes place in
dreaming (twice now). As usual, with any organized activity,
I don't have any idea what is going on, but I've been rushing
around like a fool, trying to figure it out and find things.
etc. (rambling arbitrarily cut off here)
Tulitre
I was standing in a most unusual place, where I could somehow
look out over the entire Rio Grande valley. I could see all of it,
from Taos to Albuquerque---the high mountains of the north,
and the volcanic cliffs of the south.
It occurred to me---as I surveyed some majestic, snow-capped
peaks---that I could not possibly see all of the valley at once,
and I realized that I was dreaming, and could look at my hands.
I easily raised them and looked at the palms. Then I looked back
at the mountains, then back at my hands, then at a new part
of the mountains.
It was so incredibly beautiful there that I became filled with deep
emotion. I felt very thankful to have been allowed to stand there
and view such a wonderful place in an aware condition---thankful
to the spirit. It had been a long time since it had let me dream,
and I was so glad to dream again. The feeling began to overwhelm
me, and I was in danger of indulging and breaking into tears, but
I quickly caught myself, willed myself to sobriety, and returned
to looking back and forth between my hands and the mountains.
At one point, I looked down, and noticed that the river in the valley
had come up all around me, turning into a large lake. In fact,
I was now standing on the shore of this lake. The water was just
a little murky, with leaves and debris floating in it. I noticed some
bubbles off to my right (north). It looked like a large animal was
just beneath the surface. I looked at my hands one more time,
then back at those bubbles, and I began to make out the form
of a large fish-like creature rising to the surface.
The creature surfaced, and slowly came toward me. It looked
like an Ichthyosaurus, and as it approached, the place where
I was standing broke loose from the bank, and started slowly
floating out into the water, as if I were riding on a small island.
The huge creature came swimming slowly after me, as if it
were curious. It came right up to me and stuck its long, toothy
snout up at me. I quickly broke a large branch off a fallen
tree and used the branch to gently push it away (I wanted
to get rid of it, so I could go back to looking at my hands).
Unfortunately, this seemed to excite it some, and it raised
up again and tried to bite at me. I put the branch in its mouth
and pushed it away hard. Then it became even more excited
and snapped at me vigorously, forcing me to play swordsman
with the branch.
Then I woke up.
The "monster from the water" (indulging in emotions) managed
to defeat me. And N. left me about a week later.
Brandy Dominick
I had a gesture with a woman one time. I don't know that I'd call her a
sorcerer. I don't know that I wouldn't either. ;-)
She is a teacher. She teaches women's groups. Her path is shamanic.
She is tall and slender. She is attractive, but not cute. She is a
woman and not a little girl. Her hair is gray and shoulder length.
I approach her during a break. I've a question to ask. She is sitting
on a couch and I set next to her. She is talking and turned away from
me. I am waiting patiently (well maybe I was trying to appear to be
patient).
And then I leaned towards her and kissed her shoulder. She didn't even
turn around. And I sat there feeling completely shocked and wondering
what alien had been in possession of my body. When she finished with
her oonversation, she turned around and I asked my questions. Then I
got up and left the room.
In looking back, I remember the warm feeling that this woman's presence
created in me. It made me wonder briefly (about five seconds) whether I
was gay. I realized that the feeling wasn't about sexual attraction,
but there was a kind of attraction here. It was almost magnetic.
Feeling that way in the presence of another being makes you want to stay
close to them. You feel as if suddenly all is right in your world. One
day when I regain my totality, I hope that I find that feeling in
myself.
brandy
Tulitre
Tested
Had been getting into flying lately. The night before, I had
become aware while exploring a strange building, and
after finding my way outside, took off flying into the night.
Upon turning down a long, dark, country road, It (the force
that helps me fly) kind of put me on "cruise control" as I
flipped over on my back, about ten feet above the road,
watching the moon as I glided along. Exquisitely enjoyable.
Anyway, that night I became aware while inside a shopping mall,
as I rode up an escalator. I chose to continue walking around
the mall, inspecting the shops. Then I decided to go inside one
of the places, a games arcade, with video and pinball machines.
As I walked around observing the different games, a bunch of
boisterous people came in and it got very crowded. I saw a back
door to the place, and decided to go out.
It turned out to be a door out into the parking lot, where I found
that it was nighttime. There was a beautiful full moon in the sky,
and a soft breeze was blowing, and I paused to practice gazing
at the moon. All I really did was to shut off the internal dialog
and fix my gaze on the moon, but after only a few moments of
doing so, I was inspired somehow by the beauty of the moonlight
and the wind, to make a strange flowing gesture with my left hand,
which magically made me feel as light as a feather.
That gave me the idea of going flying again, and the moment
I focused on "the feeling" of flying, It lifted me off. I was in
an exhuberant mood, and went sailing very high into the sky,
then making a banked turn and taking a long superman-style
flight around the shopping mall at high speed.
As I flew around the mall, I was still glancing at the moon,
and I was considering flying away from the mall to have
another stint out in the country somewhere. In fact, I had
gone as far as to start to turn away to fly out into the night,
when IT took back control of the flight (sometimes it does that).
It turned me back toward the mall, and I began to descend.
I resigned myself to go wherever it wanted to take me, and
It whisked me down into the shops, and then right in the door
of one store in particular. It all happened in just a few seconds...
It was a sex shop, with racy lingeree, and all kinds of sex toys
all over the place. I was about to examine some of these toys
but my inner voice said no, so I turned and noticed there
were a bunch of people in the back room of this place,
men and women who were in various states of undress.
I quickly went to investigate, and it was like an orgy in there.
Near me, one guy held out his attractive girlfriend, as if offering
her to me. I immediately became excited and grabbed her.
Again, my inner voice very clearly said: NO! But I ignored it,
and started to pull off the remainder of the girl's clothes,
even though she even seemed a bit reluctant, like she hadn't
done this before, and was only doing it to please her boyfriend.
I didn't care, and urgently continued undressing her...
I awoke.
And goddammit, I didn't get to dream again for MONTHS.
chris rodgers
Brandy Dominick wrote: (some parts deleted here)
>
> Feeling that way in the presence of another being makes you want to stay
> close to them. You feel as if suddenly all is right in your world. One
> day when I regain my totality, I hope that I find that feeling in
> myself.
>
> brandy
Guess what? It's already there. The day you love yourself (with no
strings attached) is the day you will see. So write yourself that
check and go spend it like a son-of-a-bitch. :)>
Brandy Dominick
When I was growing up, I had repeated dreams of monsters. My dad and I
would go to the movies together. My mother's church taught that TV and
the movies were tools of the devil. Of course, we had a TV and she let
me go to the movies.
I had a particularly scary dream one night. I thought I wea going to
die from fright as the monster approached me. Then - it ate me. And I
was still in my dream, but I was myself inside of the monster. It was
as if I was watching my dream and thinking my thoughts but experiencing
the world through the body of the monster. Then I woke up.
paul whittington
> ***************************************************
> "To dream our dream, you have to be dead."
> (Being-In-Dreaming, by Florinda Donner)
Release your snapshot images of relationships.... Life is a motion
picture... C.....
paul whittington
have now?.... C.....
paul whittington
Brandy Dominick wrote:
> believe what I came in contact with was a being with an energy level
> higher than my own. It evoked a feeling in me that I don't have all of
> the time. Maybe when I regain my totality, I'll find that self-love is
> a part of it. But writing myself a blank check hasn't caused me to gain
> that feeling I had in her presence. I believe it is an energy level
> that being in her presence in a close way allowed me to experience. But
> it's one I haven't yet won for myself.
>
> Gotta' get a new pad, dad. ;-)
>
> brandy
Is it more important to avoid your fear... than to be who you are and
have what you want?..... C......
Brandy Dominick
Tulitre
Dogs
I saw these two people meet, each one had a dog on a leash.
Both dogs went crazy barking at each other, creating a scene
of general chaos, while the humans just stood there,
not even interacting, holding onto the leashes, sheepishly,
until finally they went their own way.
We are like that. The totality of ourselves has it's ME on
a leash, and is walking around encountering others
who do the same. The MEs on the leashes frantically
bark at each other, in general ruling the interaction
between beings, who largely do nothing.
We must first have a disciplined pup. Then we can cut
it free to roam at will (it'll come home when it gets hungry).
To have something tied to a leash is to be tied to a leash.
"If dogs run free, why not we, across the swamp of time."
-Dylan
Tulitre
Hot and Cold
When I moved to California, about one week before the first LA
Workshop, my first experience of California was as follows:
In one day, I had driven from Albuquerque to just over the
California border, when I saw a campground there on the
California side of the Colorado river, and decided to camp there.
Everything I owned was packed in the car.
This was desert country, near Needles, and it was late July, and
mid-afternoon, so it was very, very hot. I pulled in and talked to
a lady who assigned me a campsite, and in doing so, she said
had selected for me a shady site with a few large trees.
When I got to it, down a long, sandy road, I found that there was
NO significant shade at the site, and went looking for another one.
After exploring a couple, I found a place where it looked like I
could park under a tree, but to get to it, I had to make it through
some sand that looked just a little soft. I really wanted to get my
stuff out of the heat, so I decided to risk it, and boom, I had my
overloaded car stuck there in the sand, in full sun, in the desert.
I became somewhat hysterical (primarily worried about my
computer equipment getting too hot), and went charging out of
there at full speed, cursing the desert, cursing the people for
not filling in that sand hole (right in the middle of what was
supposed to be a parking area), and raving (irrationally) about
the woman having given me the shadeless campsite, when
virtually *every* site I had seen had more shade than the one
she gave me (my feeling was that she had somehow altered
my path in a bad way).
(I was also worried I wouldn't be able to get out without paying
a large sum of money, and waiting a long time, and/or having
my car broken into while I went for help. And about the last
thing I wanted to do after driving 800 miles in July with no
air-conditioning was to take a hike in the desert.)
After walking about a mile, raving like this, I realized that I was
not taking responsibility for my actions and choices. But by
then it was too late. I was so worked up that if there were flyers
within 20 miles, they would have been swarming all over me.
I had actually been yelling inanities at the desert at the top of
my lungs.
I began trying to get a grip on myself, particularly since, after
about the first mile of walking at top speed, raving like that
under full desert sun, I was sweating like a pig, and realizing
that I'd better conserve energy because there was at least
another mile to go, on sandy ground that was kind of hard
to walk on.
When I got there I looked like I had taken a bath with clothes on,
but managed to be "civil yet worried" to the woman, and refrained
from blaming anyone, or acting in any way obnoxious about it.
She empathized, and called for a ranger, who came within 15
minutes, took me back, and pulled the car out of the sand. He
accepted $14 as payment.
The ranger said that it was 123 degrees. He then told me that the
temperature of the river was 54 degrees. It was clear green-blue,
and swift and deep. Gorgeous. So I found a spot at that same
site under another tree, set up camp and stripped down and got
in the river. Awesome. I kept getting in and out of the river
periodically, going for little 15 minute swims, until twilight.
Baking and then chilling.
I had been so concerned with my predicament that I had obtained
no food, so I spent all my time there without eating. There was no
one within a mile of me.
It was too hot in the tent, so I slept on an air mattress on the cool
wet sand right by the river, and watched the amazing display of
stars until falling asleep. The tide kept rising during the night
and chasing me up the beach (yes, rivers do have tides).
Unusual experience, drastic extremes, some definite effort,
some doing without, and great natural beauty---I took the
experience as an omen of what to expect in California.
Tulitre
Walking the Walls
An account from a journal I kept in 1990:
"Dreamed I was in a huge building with a very high ceiling,
sort of like a gymnasium. I was standing on the south wall
when I began to rise up the wall. After rising a ways, I stopped
and stayed there as if stuck to the wall.
Then I became aware, and realized I could move at will on the wall.
I went up near the top, and then began to walk around the walls
of the building. I walked in a couple of circles all the way around
very rapidly, using will as a directional guide. I wondered if I was
using lines of any kind, but I could not see any.
Then I "woke up", and just as I did so, N. opened my bedroom
door with a creak, and came walking in. I began to tell her about
my dreaming, becoming very animated and getting up and pacing
around the room as I spoke of the novelty of learning to walk in
that way. Then I noticed N. was not even listening to me, and I
began to become extremely angry with her for not paying attention.
At that moment I woke up. Gasp!"
Now, the reason I mentioned the date, is that when I walked into
the Culver City High School Cafeteria (for the 1995 workshop there),
I immediately had the distinct impression that I had been in that
room before. And upon thinking about it, I realized right away
that I was pretty sure it was the same room as the one in the
dreaming experience of five years ago, which I reported above.
Later, when I contemplated the memory of the old experience,
and the memory of myself recording it, I actually remembered,
from years before, that there were peculiar details of that
dreaming experience which I was about to record, but did not,
because they were a bit confusing, or seemed irrelevant,
such as the odd way I had been standing on a "ledge" halfway
up the wall (that's why in the journal I said I was standing *on*
the south wall), before beginning to rise on the wall (anyone
who was at the seminar will remember this "ledge", which CC
kept pretending to bang his head on), and such as the fact
that as I walked around the walls I encountered what appeared
to be mundane commercial posters, and I had wondered what
they were doing there, and such as the way I remembered
looking *down* into the tubes of flourescent light fixtures
along the walls (which were in fact encased by that "ledge").
At the time, I believed the place to be something like a high
school gym. Now I believe that I dreamed of that high school
cafeteria where CC and his warriors interacted with us for weeks
at the first LA workshop.
-Tuli
Nibelunga
pete...@cyberhighway.net (Pete Ross) writes:
<<<To think in complex equations would be nice. But so
far, I have only been able to do this with Einstein's Theory of
Relativity. True, everything should be able to be put into systems of
equations that have correlatable portions, and fields of reference.>>>
<<I don't believe that Chuang Tzu was talking about "thinking",
and I certainly was not, although it may have appeared that way.>>
<I was not talking about thinking either, but perception.>
Cool, but you _said_ you were talking about thinking.
It's right above. Look. :-D
<<That analogy was intended to be about the spirit, and about
the "holistic" *timing* of a warrior whose connection to the spirit
is clean.>>
<I feel one with the universe. I don't need your interpretation,
thanks.>
Pete, you were 'interpreting' an original analogy Tuli wrote,
not the other way around. Remember? :-D
<<<This is what I have been referring to; that emotion can interfere
with the nagual, or the totality of self.>>>
<<In short, Pete, "indulging in misemotion" and "emotion" are
NOT the same thing, any more than "illogic" and "logic" are.
Your error, which in Logic is called "over-generalization",
is an example of "throwing the baby out with the bath water".>>
<Indulging? What in the hell do you call what you are doing right now?>
Tuli's comment above was pure logic.
You said you were into that. :-D
N.
~V~
Brandy Dominick <pda...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>When I was growing up, I had repeated dreams of monsters. My dad and I
>would go to the movies together. My mother's church taught that TV and
>the movies were tools of the devil. Of course, we had a TV and she let
>me go to the movies.
>I had a particularly scary dream one night. I thought I wea going to
>die from fright as the monster approached me. Then - it ate me. And I
>was still in my dream, but I was myself inside of the monster. It was
>as if I was watching my dream and thinking my thoughts but experiencing
>the world through the body of the monster. Then I woke up.
Grin and bare it...and you'll live through it..
or experience falling in love,,, and live through the pain...or
Don't take your reality to bed with you at night,,, and you wont get
eaten alive,,, and regurgitated in the morning ...
Nibelunga
Brandy Dominick <pda...@hotmail.com> writes:
<I went to Dejanews to try to find the original post that Nibelunga wrote
to start this thread. I'd prefer she repost it or post again. This
thread has been around for months, and people have respected the
original intent, which Nibelunga posted.>
Here are the first few pages of it:
NOVELLA, NOVELLA
Pettynet Press,
Copyright 1997 by ME! and ADC
(The Electric Assholes)
All rights unknown and uncared for
Author's Excuse
First it was:
if I write, I get to fuck them over.
Then it was:
if I don't write, they get to fuck me over.
So, I be a writin'. :-D
I'd like to thank It,
for a few small bits of excellent translation,
and I'd like to thank someone else here,
just so this all flows properly.
Let's thank Tensehead,
who first suggested such a thread,
and let's thank the sorcerers at Cleargreen,
who made all this noise-making possible.
Induction
A short novel---that is what a novella is.
But sheeeeeit, why write one short novel?
I'll write ten novels!
I shall win the novella prize!
Then again, perhaps I'll write them tomorrow,
after a good nights rest. Yawn.
Good morning.
The first installment of Novella, Novella
MY first bid for the novella prize
will be presented, forthwith.
Yes, it will be something of a fudge job,
multi-faceted autobiographical mish-mesh,
but the idea is that if you have something
that "seems to fit" the thread in any way,
then . . . put it in. Please include pieces
that aren't really intended for discussion,
pieces such as reports of experiences,
short essays, dreams, poems, and stories.
Myself and a good friend will start it off,
and then, well, . . . we shall see.
Technical note:
"Criticism" should go in other threads.
NOVELLA, NOVELLA
By ME!
(The Electric Nobody)
and ADC . . .
"Every new work is destined, in the mind of it's author,
to correct the preceding one, to complete the thought---
which will not be completed." - Elie Faure
N.
Tulitre
Emanation Speculation
(an exploratory essay)
In the Fire From Within it is related that awareness is bestowed
"by means of three giant bundles of emanations that run through
eight great bands".
"Man for example is attached to the amber bundle," we are told.
And...it is related that a small number of allies have "matching
emanations" to ours.
This brings me to interesting speculation. Would it be possible
to have matching emanations of awareness (amber) *without*
having significant matching emanations of structure. If so, then
humans and those Allies could share awareness in weird ways,
but neither could perceive the others' ordinary world in the same
way that the other was used to perceiving it.
But some allies might share enough emanations to share some
common perceptions of our world (and vice versa). It also strikes
me as interesting to reflect that although we might not be able
to perceive an ally's world as the ally does, because all humans
would have access to more or less the same emanations from
that ally's world, it follows that all humans might perceive that
world in a similar fashion, even though it is very different from
how the allys perceive it.
However, this issue of emanations of "structure" may really
be a non-issue. If, in fact, awareness *travels* on the amber
emanations, it could very well "inhabit" other life forms
completely, and that would include all appropriate emanations
of structure (I am thinking of just how one could "wake up"
in a being "cyclic" to oneself). Yet, even if the structures
are all there, the glow of awareness must somehow carry with it
the habit of interpreting according to the old familiar structures.
This would account for the tendency to perceive alien worlds
in more or less human terms (as the sorcerers have described
this tendency to us). An additional interesting question is:
just how does the glow of awareness move into a cyclic
being? How does it leave the confines of it's own cocoon?
The only answer that makes intuitive sense to me is that
it must travel on those amber threads of awareness.
Another quote from the Fire From Within:
"...the assemblage point is also responsible for making the
first attention perceive in terms of clusters. An example
of a cluster of emanations that receive emphasis together
is the human body as we perceive it."
Now, what about the second attention?
Don Juan says: "clustering is carried out even when seers
deal with the emanations that are never used."
So, we *always* cluster, and this seems to bring us to
the problem of whether or not we always *interpret*.
Apparently the answer is YES, we do. Don Juan tells us:
"...all the meaning that we give to what we perceive is
our command, our gift of magic."
That is most intriguing, but it still leaves a very difficult question
to be answered, which is:
How much of interpretation lies embedded in the very nature of
*perception*, and how much in our "gift of magic", the *meaning*
we assign to our perception. The answer to this question is
directly relevant to the question of to just what extent we
"create our own reality". You see, one can assign "meaning"
all one wants without really changing much. But if one can
significantly change the very *perception* of the world *within*
a given cohesively held set of bands, then "reality" becomes
a much more malleable creation, malleable even beyond the
capacity IT has to manipulate events at a sorcerer's command.
There are hints that to some extent this IS possible. The following
quotes from don Juan hint at this:
"The assemblage point takes some part of the emanations
already selected for alignment and makes a more palatable
construct with it." (this is referred to as "skimming")
and...
"To give our skimmings a free hand, as we do, is an error
of judgment".
The implication is that we *lose something important* from the
"raw perception". In addition to "information" we might miss,
my speculation is that what we may lose is a degree of
malleability of "reality" itself, above and beyond the ability
to shift the AP.
Tulitre
The sorcerers have said that at death, the AP goes dull, and the
"glow of awareness", which "inhabited" that AP, floats away,
drawn to an infinite "magnet" for awareness metaphorically
represented as "the Eagle", where it is in some way *consumed*.
The cocoon crumbles away somehow, as does eventually the
manifestation of the physical body.
The first question that arises is: is it just "the glow of awareness"
that is consumed at death, or is it *all* of the encased emanations
which flow out, presumably through the gap in the belly, drawn to
that infinite source? The answer must be that it is just the glow of
awareness, for the encased emanations are actually part of the
infinite emanations at large.
It is interesting, in any case, that the "glow of awareness" kind
of "follows" the AP until the cocoon is completely abandoned,
either in freedom or in death. The glow of awareness surrounds
the AP. So I find myself wondering: what *is* raw awareness,
when it is *apart* from the chief "mechanism" of perception
(the AP)? And what is "attention" when it is *apart* from the
emanations it "attended"? Is that even a valid question?
Can it exist at all, apart from *some* form of emanations
to attend?
Sorcerers say that the AP is responsible for the "means" or
"coloring" (if you will) of our perception. It "constructs" *and* it
"interprets". And of what can one be aware but what one
"perceives"? Anything?
But...what then *is* "attention" when it is finally *separate*
from the entire previous "structure" of perception, as it is
when a sorcerer burns with the Fire From Within, abandoning
the cocoon entirely, and fusing with the emanations at large,
gliding into eternity?
See, it's very tempting to say that what we call "life", is, in it's
most basic form, this "glow of awareness". And at first glance
that seems to stack up with the sorcerers' view. However,
is it really?
Again, what in the hell is awareness without perception?
Awareness of what?
Is it only "capacity" or "potential", in and of itself? Is it really
meaningful to ask? Could it *ever* be entirely *separate*,
and if so, would it lend itself to our "conception" in any way?
After all, it is *primary* and yet I seem to want to "explain it".
Perhaps awareness *means* "knowingly perceiving", and to
"reflect" upon or "interpret" that awareness is as far as the
mind can go. More fundamentally, "I AM that I AM" may be
the bottom line, *for the mind* that is, for thinking. But is
that just an illusion? Is there really some definable "I AM"?
Probably not. And so we had best change that to "I reflect
that I reflect", and move on.
To me, it is probably more useful to regard "life" as being
the *combination* of awareness and something of which
to be aware (emanations).
Or, again, does the term "awareness" itself imply both?
This is probably a really stupid thing to worry about! :)
But note that if this is correct, it lends credence to the
old Buddhist notion that there really *is* no independently
existing isolatable "self". Are "you" the glow of awareness?
Are "you" the emanations of which you can become aware?
Then again, defining the term "self" so as to have a useful
referrent seems desireable, and there are many "levels" of
such reference, but ultimately sorcerers refer to "the totality
of oneself", which, as we'll see in a moment, I take to be
a rather "open-ended" affair.
The old nagual said: "awareness gives rise to perception".
Awareness is almost like "the raw capacity to know one is
perceiving when "coupled" with the means by which to perceive",
and when "awareness" has become quite "experienced"
at *interpreting* perception, awareness is then altered
somehow, and is referred to as "attention". This is another
thing I've always wondered about: just what is "enhancing
awareness"? Our capacity to reflect upon what we perceive?
Our capacity to intend? Both? Other things yet? What is
involved in this process of "enhancing awareness"?
This topic has not yet been fully explored to my satisfaction.
It may be a simple matter, that awareness is enhanced to
the extent that we succeed in becoming aware of and using
our totality. But then again, attention has been spoken of as
something possessed by all living beings. It occurs to me
that Eagle should have an "interest" in the greatest possible
enhancement of awareness, if it is true that it's "food" is attention.
In any case, somehow we *do* "enhance" awareness into
"attention", arriving at what may be more properly called the
"glow of attention".
But something I keep considering is the way in which
"awareness" has *also* been described by the sorcerers as
a special "sheen" of some kind of energy, which surrounds
the luminous sphere (it is this which they say is being eaten
by the flyers). So, we have TWO "types" of awareness to
consider, the glow of awareness surrounding the AP *and*
the sheen of awareness surrounding the luminous sphere.
Apparently, the height of the sheen somehow affects one's
ability to be aware of what one is perceiving. I'm kind of
petering out here, because there are complexities involved
that I'm not quite ready to discuss (awaiting further information).
But one interesting thing to note is that this specialized sheen
of awareness apparently *grows back*, naturally. The unresolved
question here is: what is the *relationship* between the glow of
awareness around the AP and the sheen of awareness surrounding
the luminous sphere?
Tulitre
When the sorcerer who burns departs the cocoon, it would be
"the inconceivable" because the entire previous means of
perception (the assemblage point) is GONE. Or is it?
Is it really gone, or has it been "transmuted" into another form
of energy?
If it is gone, after burning, how then to perceive? A mystery...
And yet...perception there *must* still be, no? Or, is it soooo
"inconceivable" that terms like "perception" no longer have any
relevance? Perhaps that is *just* what makes it "inconceivable".
Welcome to the next level. An evolved *attention*. A "newborn"
evolved attention...free of the entire previous structure and
means of perceiving, born into...what?
It seems that it must be the "glow of attention" itself, now free
from all previous structures of perception, having "absorbed"
everything it needed from those structures. When they say
that they merge with the emanations at large, and glide into
infinity, it is *that* newborn evolved attention which travels then,
but apparently there are precursors of this possibility.
I say this, thinking of the phenomena mentioned by the nagual
and his party, of traveling to other worlds where you are known
there as another being, having another identity. To me, this
means that the glow of awareness somehow travels *outside*
the luminous cocoon, and travels down the emanations of
awareness, coming to inhabit another cocoon, with its own life,
in another place. Just exactly how could one find oneself
sharing the life of a "cyclic being" otherwise? Notice that if
this is true it implies that the "glow of awareness" is no longer
residing on and around the original assemblage point at all.
Or perhaps part of it is and part of it isn't. Hell, I don't know.
(another question)
Yet now I find myself thinking that perhaps another "precursor"
is demonstrated by every one who actually "forges the energy
body". Let me explain why this may constitute such a "precursor".
While reading in the Art of Dreaming, I noticed that I had
misinterpreted a passage, that is, prior to attending workshops
and hearing CC's elucidation of this topic.
This is the passage:
"Through dreaming, we condense the energy body until it's a
unit capable of perceiving. Its perception, although affected by
our normal way of perceiving the daily world, is an independent
perception. It has it's own sphere." (First Gate of Dreaming)
The key phrases here are "an independent perception" and
"it's own sphere". Prior to hearing this explained at workshops,
I had taken this as somewhat metaphorical. However, at the
workshops, CC made it clear that this is meant literally,
and that the energy body has it's own luminous sphere,
and it's own assemblage point.
And there is apparently an "etherial connection" of some kind
which exists between the AP of the luminous sphere of what
ordinarily manifests as "physical body" and the AP of the
luminous sphere of the energy body.
My speculation in this direction consists of the possibility that
what it means to "reach the energy body" (which is said to occur
at the first gate of dreaming), is that one has moved the AP of
our "normal" luminous sphere to a point which allows the glow
of awareness to somehow "inhabit" the AP of the energy body,
by traveling through that "etherial connection". And...similarly,
what one does at the second gate of dreaming is the same,
*plus* one moves the AP of our energy body to assemble the
world of "the cousins", the inorganic beings.
Then, what is done at the third gate of dreaming, where one is
said to "forge the energy body" proper, is to move the AP of the
energy body so *close* to the AP of the normal luminous sphere
that one can fully act in energy-generating worlds as a complete
energy-generating being with *both* bodies at once.
(A side question which has occurred to me regarding the energy
body is whether or not its luminous sphere *also* has a special
"sheen" of awareness surrounding it, and whether or not "flyers"
can also eat it?)
But this brings me to my main question, which is something of
a "parallel processing dilemma". A sorcerer can "double up"
(my speculation being that this happens fully at the 3rd gate of
dreaming), and we have been told that while a sorcerer is acting
he has "no notion of his duality". This seems to me to imply that
the glow of awareness can only *fully* inhabit *one* AP at a time.
And yet, the other "self" is acting as well, simultaneously.
Previously I asked about awareness without perception,
and now I'm asking about perception without awareness!
That seems even more absurd at first, but on second thought,
it must be possible. CC has said that upon first becoming aware
of seeing energy as it flows in the universe, he realized that all
his life he had been seeing energy as it flows but had been
*unaware* of this. This seems to describe "perception without
awareness".
Tulitre
Back to doubling up, is the glow of awareness being "split"
somehow, with each "part" only aware of the perception
being assembled by its own AP? Bizarre as it may seem,
in fact, this *is* my speculation.
If this is the case, it is only when one's *whole* awareness
returns to a single AP that one then has a chance of a
*complete recollection* of activities performed *simultaneously*
by the body and the energy body.
Here is a further elucidation of this babbling of mine, rather simply
put, in CC's report of don Juan's description of his experience of
being split, from the last chapter of the Power of Silence:
"He was double for days. He could be thoroughly one or the other.
Or he could be both at the same time. When he was both,
things became fuzzy and neither being was effective, so he
abandoned that alternative. But being one or the other opened
up inconceivable possibilities for him."
Inconceivable possibilities indeed. Another interesting question
raised by the existence of "cyclicity" is whether or not it is
possible to "split" awareness into *more* than two APs at once.
From the above, we could assume that it would be undesirable
to inhabit more than two *simultaneously*, and we could further
state that the "mystic" who claims to experience "oneness"
with the universe is at best experiencing a very murky mush
of several positions at once (and is exaggerating in the extreme)...
*but* to rapidly jump around among many possibile positions
might be desireable.
Multiple factors involved. Multiple AP's which can, in and of
themselves assume multiple positions. One can see that this
could get *exponentially* weird, especially when one considers
that the "emanations of awareness" exist in *both* the normal
luminous sphere and that of the energy body, and that there
are *multiple bands* of emanations also available to *both*,
therefore there are even more "connections" to pursue.
It is my opinion that to attain the awareness and perception
of all this is what sorcerers call "arriving at the totality of oneself".
One can now see that it would be a rather "open-ended" affair.
But interestingly, there must be that "connection", that "path"
on which the glow of awareness may journey. And the
"emanations of awareness" which criss-cross the great bands
of emanations must *be* those "paths". That, and the etherial
connection between body and energy body, our true duality.
With regard to the emanations or "strands" of awareness,
to a given being, some pathways will be accessible, while to
another, other pathways would be accessible. And so,
*individuality* will remain, that is, until...
...we go back to what may be happening when a sorcerer
"burns from within". I can conceive of two major possibilities.
The first is that the glow of awareness disintegrates the "ordinary"
AP and cocoon, taking *everything* from it to fully inhabit the
energy body, never to return. The other possibility is that the
APs and cocoons of *both* the energy body *and* the ordinary
body BURN into pure "awareness" and ALL of it fuses to the
emanations at large, to travel at will through any "pathways"
to which "it" has access. The first way retains an AP.
The second way does not.
"Perception" *without* an AP, and/or not having *any* AP one
could call "one's own" would be a whole new ballgame. That would
be the "inconceivable", so I lean toward the latter possibility.
Or perhaps these are "steps"? Perhaps one "burns" *first* in the
normal sphere, and then the next step is to "burn" in the energy
sphere? Perhaps it is possible to do them either singly or together?
Yeah, I guess it is about time to end this. How about with a quote:
"Don Juan laughed and said that trying to reason out the
sorcerers' metaphorical descriptions was as useless as trying
to reason out silent knowledge. He added that the problem
with words was that any attempt to clarify the sorcerers'
description only made them more confusing."
(The Power Of Silence, Handling Intent)
-Tuli
Tulitre
Don Juan said that the pink and peach emanations "belong to
other living beings", and do not belong to man. It seems to follow
that all animals, plants, and allies that a man could have significant
contact with also share the amber bundle of emanations, and that
there are many, many living beings that are "unknowable" to us.
(It makes me wonder what their awareness is like).
Thus, his claim that we are "closer" to trees than we are to ants.
And it would seem that all the animal forms a sorcerer may
assume in the "shift below" are those animals of the amber bundle.
Yet it would also seem that some insects *do* have the amber
emanations of awareness (remember the world of the red bugs).
Don Juan also said that "plants have the most intense
communication with inorganic beings". This makes me
wonder what sort of communication this is. It also makes
me wonder if there is communication between the inorganics
and other *animal* species from the amber bundle. When
our dogs sit barking at something mysterious in the night,
could it be an ally?
We know that other animals dream, and that in the Art of
Dreaming it is related that scouts come to us in our dreams.
So, do they also come to other animals? To what effect?
Since the old seers were able to become "treelike" beings,
this is further evidence that many trees have amber awareness,
and some of them (the power plants) would seem to have
rather extraordinary awareness as well.
Will is described as: "the energy that comes out of the
alignment of emanations". It is "a blind, impersonal,
ceaseless burst of energy that...accounts for our perception.
Now, the thing I wonder about here, is whether or not Will
only "inhabits" the emanations of awareness, or also the
emanations of pure structure. It would seem to be the latter,
that it inhabits both, and yet...I wonder.
A sorcerer's individual "intent" is the "purposeful guiding of Will",
so at least in this respect it seems directly connected with
awareness, and not something springing from every single
fiber of the universe, and yet...who knows.
An interesting thing I've been contemplating is whether or not
all human cocoons are approximately the same size, or if
there is considerable variation in them, just as there is in
our physical size. Why would it matter?
Well, if sorcerers can perceive other worlds by stretching their
cocoons into long thin lines that can take in wider bands of
emanations, as the AP travels along those long thin lines,
it would seem to follow that those with larger cocoons could
stretch them further, i.e. they could perceive *more* of the
universe than those with small cocoons. Thus, the "unknowable"
to one sorcerer might be the "unknown" to another, and a
sorcerer with a cocoon of unusual size might even be able to
communicate with animals, plants, or allies that are unreachable
by most sorcerers (if they wanted to do that).
Yes, much of this can be seen as giving in to our tendency to
construct inventories, but I can't help but wonder about the new
fields that attaining true awareness would open up, among them
being the "zoology" of taxonomizing the lifeforms of the universe
according to *awareness*, rather than according to ordinary
physical structure.
HardSoap
Tulitre wrote:
>
> Don Juan said that the pink and peach emanations "belong to
> other living beings", and do not belong to man. It seems to follow
Dear friend,
Like Quantum theory states that the observer is part of the experience,
plants
have actually much slower consciousness than ours.. it is IMPOSSIBLE to
imagine
how a plant is 'aware' unless you 'become' a plant (or whatever).. the
idea of
being able to 'understand' everything is a pure ILLUSION.. so instead of
'wondering'
learn the arts of dreaming and stalking.. just a note on the cocoons
sizes.. man,
it's energy ! there are no fixed limits for stretching the energy.. (God
is Just.hehe)
HardSoap
chris rodgers
Tulitre wrote: (alot of stuff deleted, exsqueeze me)
>
CC has said that upon first becoming aware
> of seeing energy as it flows in the universe, he realized that all
> his life he had been seeing energy as it flows but had been
> *unaware* of this. This seems to describe "perception without
> awareness".
>
mysteries. How the hell can we be "unaware" of seeing energy?
Are we all on auto-pilot or what? Can we all really be that
asleep as to not notice for one second we are seeing energy?
That notion in and of itself is down right scary. (That's not
to say that the other million things Carlos wrote about aren't)
Maybe it's more like awareness without perception.
Either way I hope someday I can resolve this. What he is saying
is that we have bypassed a lifetime of perceiving (so far!).
I'd say we are all a bunch of shitty see-ers.
Can't wait to get that shit out of my eyes so to speak. :)>
paul whittington
> "To dream our dream, you have to be dead."
> (Being-In-Dreaming, by Florinda Donner)
In the spirits isolation, it becomes anesthetized... It is true that
aesthetized implies without sensation... "comfortably numb," but infact
the reality of our anesthetized state was more sinister than that. As we
accumulated things, to the exclusion of the spiit, we felt expansive and
safe but in fact knew we were little and in danger...
Unable to feel, we were unable to create. Unable to create we were
frightened and alone. Here anesthesia means, in fact, without aesthetic,
this is as don Jauan put it, "We were living without the ability to
sense creatively." We were always off center because we had lost the
knowledge of a center at all... We laked the ability to know the
wholeness of a center at all... We lacked the ability to know the
wholeness of our lives because we could not see the great relatedness
within what appeared chaotic..... As we tear down the walls we built and
end our isolation, we regain our creativity and with it, through
community, our hope and wholeness.... paul whittington
Henry
Tulitre wrote:
>
> Back to doubling up, is the glow of awareness being "split"
> somehow, with each "part" only aware of the perception
> being assembled by its own AP? Bizarre as it may seem,
> in fact, this *is* my speculation.
awareness is everything
any math can conceive of IT
but none can predict ITs
next manifestation
> If this is the case, it is only when one's *whole* awareness
> returns to a single AP that one then has a chance of a
> *complete recollection* of activities performed *simultaneously*
> by the body and the energy body.
better to forget this world
when manifesting the infinite
>
> Here is a further elucidation of this babbling of mine, rather simply
> put, in CC's report of don Juan's description of his experience of
> being split, from the last chapter of the Power of Silence:
>
> "He was double for days. He could be thoroughly one or the other.
> Or he could be both at the same time. When he was both,
> things became fuzzy and neither being was effective, so he
> abandoned that alternative. But being one or the other opened
> up inconceivable possibilities for him."
there is no limit to dimensionality
the Death Defier gave CC the key to dreaming in a dream
thats 3 dimensions and on and on...
> Inconceivable possibilities indeed. Another interesting question
> raised by the existence of "cyclicity" is whether or not it is
> possible to "split" awareness into *more* than two APs at once.
> From the above, we could assume that it would be undesirable
> to inhabit more than two *simultaneously*, and we could further
> state that the "mystic" who claims to experience "oneness"
> with the universe is at best experiencing a very murky mush
> of several positions at once (and is exaggerating in the extreme)...
> *but* to rapidly jump around among many possibile positions
> might be desireable.
You are infinite
why should this perception be impossible ?
What is difficult is shuting up and being aware
as opposed to: i know i know i know oo..oo..oo
> Multiple factors involved. Multiple AP's which can, in and of
> themselves assume multiple positions. One can see that this
> could get *exponentially* weird, especially when one considers
> that the "emanations of awareness" exist in *both* the normal
> luminous sphere and that of the energy body, and that there
> are *multiple bands* of emanations also available to *both*,
> therefore there are even more "connections" to pursue.
extrapolating reasoning into seeing gives this erroneous result
> It is my opinion that to attain the awareness and perception
> of all this is what sorcerers call "arriving at the totality of >oneself".
> One can now see that it would be a rather "open-ended" affair.
one never arrives
one travels endlessly to infinity
with awareness that does not seek knowledge
> But interestingly, there must be that "connection", that "path"
> on which the glow of awareness may journey. And the
> "emanations of awareness" which criss-cross the great bands
> of emanations must *be* those "paths". That, and the etherial
> connection between body and energy body, our true duality.
> With regard to the emanations or "strands" of awareness,
> to a given being, some pathways will be accessible, while to
> another, other pathways would be accessible. And so,
> *individuality* will remain, that is, until...
no indivuality in the infinite
ego is deadly
awareness rules but we can't conceive of awareness
without self ???
what to do .. what to do..
>
> ...we go back to what may be happening when a sorcerer
> "burns from within". I can conceive of two major possibilities.
> The first is that the glow of awareness disintegrates the "ordinary"
> AP and cocoon, taking *everything* from it to fully inhabit the
> energy body, never to return. The other possibility is that the
> APs and cocoons of *both* the energy body *and* the ordinary
> body BURN into pure "awareness" and ALL of it fuses to the
> emanations at large, to travel at will through any "pathways"
> to which "it" has access. The first way retains an AP.
> The second way does not.
DJ taught us to discard experience or inventory
it has no meaning outside of it self
the infinite is made up of infinite selves
you have time to be and experience all those selves ??
The infinite will not fit in my little mind
yet my little mind fits very nicely in the infinite
>
> "Perception" *without* an AP, and/or not having *any* AP one
> could call "one's own" would be a whole new ballgame. That would
> be the "inconceivable", so I lean toward the latter possibility.
> Or perhaps these are "steps"? Perhaps one "burns" *first* in the
> normal sphere, and then the next step is to "burn" in the energy
> sphere? Perhaps it is possible to do them either singly or together?
> Yeah, I guess it is about time to end this. How about with a quote:
you are just getting started ....no end in sight
sit back.. shut up... see the ride...until u see what to do.
>
> "Don Juan laughed and said that trying to reason out the
> sorcerers' metaphorical descriptions was as useless as trying
> to reason out silent knowledge. He added that the problem
> with words was that any attempt to clarify the sorcerers'
> description only made them more confusing."
>
> (The Power Of Silence, Handling Intent)
>
> -Tuli
>
> ***************************************************
> "To dream our dream, you have to be dead."
> (Being-In-Dreaming, by Florinda Donner)
today i changed the coolant in my truck
recommended at 30,000 miles because the
rust inhibitors are depleted.
i like to leave well enough alone but i changed the
coolant as per service manual.
Guess what ?? don't do it!! easiest way to blow your engine.
a little metal wear is hardly worth the price
of a blown engine. i'll take my chances with rust
rather than a sticky thermostat or air pocket in the cooling system.
recommend just emptying the radiator and not the block.
save an auto today.!!!
one lives dangerously .. and pays the price