Slow Down and Lend a Hand by Candice Lee
CLSSM00X7
http://members.aol.com/poetryofcandice/poetryofcandice/main.html
Slow Down and Lend a Hand
Moonlit Summer's eve
Nary a sound amid the land
Peaceful gift's from heaven
Last only till the hourglass drops it sand
Find what peace there is in solitude
Lend a hand when friend's do need
Love goes farther than hatred
In the cold of heart please sow this seed
Step aside the rush is on
Time is on our sides
Love is much more powerful than hate
Open hearts is where God resides
Hurry up and wait is left to fools
Those with patients receive the greater gift
I hope these words have helped you
Your hearts I seek to lift
Candice Lee
Chuck Lysaght
poetry continues to improve. She has a few battle scars from rude people in
this newsgroup, but her sweetness has prevailed. Nice job hon.
In article <20000714003611...@ng-ct1.aol.com>,
--
http://homepages.go.com/~chucklysaght/DiaryofaMadman
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Joy Yourcenar
>http://members.aol.com/poetryandwriting/
>http://members.aol.com/poetryofcandice/poetryofcandice/main.html
Clever. Put the url at the beginning, hoping that people will click
before they read your wretched poetry.
>
>Slow Down and Lend a Hand
>
>Moonlit Summer's eve
Summer's Eve is a douche. Summer, the season, doesn't need to be
capitalized.
>Nary a sound amid the land
I question this word choice. While it can mean "in", it's more
commonly used to indicate in the middle of, a physical place. Combined
with "nary", it's deliberately archaic.
>Peaceful gift's from heaven
What you've written says either "gift is" or implies that "from
heaven" belongs to gift.
Plurals and possessives are different. If you mean more than one gift,
standard usage dictates you have to add an "s" to the end of gift.
As for the line itself, anything with "from heaven" is a cliche.
Peaceful gifts doesn't say much. Could be anything from a fluffy cloud
to death. Vagueness isn't mysterious or profound. It's telling the
world that your imagination has failed you.
Not that we didn't know that but you don't need to advertize so
relentlessly.
>Last only till the hourglass drops it sand
You really like those 12 century forms. Like "nary" and "amid," till
is pretentious and unnecessary. There's nothing wrong with until.
"drop it sand" might work as an imperative, correctly capitalized and
punctuated but here it's just another dumb cliche with special bonus
illiteracy. "It" is a pronoun. "Its" is an adjective.
Parts of speech. Learn them. Use them properly. Do not roll, twist,
spindle, fold or mutilate.
>
>Find what peace there is in solitude
cliche
>Lend a hand when friend's do need
Ah, more of that famous Candace twisted syntax and another error.
"friend" with an apostrophe s implies "do need" belongs to the friend.
This makes the reader waste time considering if you meant "due need"
or even "dew need". One could of course argue that anyone reading this
poem is already wasting time but I digress.
Plurals and possessives. Learn the difference. Use them correctly.
>Love goes farther than hatred
cliche
>In the cold of heart please sow this seed
cold of heart is a meaningless, awkward phrase. You cannot feel cold
in your heart. It's an internal organ. Assuming it actually was a
meaningful frame (it taxes the limits of imagination but work with me
here), you'd need a comma between heart and please.
Who the hell are you talking to anyway?
What seed? Does seed refer back to love? I'm guessing because you've
just plunked this in. Love is not a seed. It is an emotion. If you
want love as a seed to be a metaphor, then you have to construct that
metaphor. Love does not become an automatic metaphor for seed just
because you will it to be so. There is no such thing as "Instant
Metaphor: Just add cliches!".
>
>Step aside the rush is on
Wasn't this a Kenny Loggins' tune?
Again, who are you talking to?
>Time is on our sides
Another pop song cliche? Turn off the radio or at least change to PBS.
>Love is much more powerful than hate
ineffective repetition of a cliche
>Open hearts is where God resides
Hearts is a plural. Is is a singular verb. Common usage likes verbs
and subjects to agree.
How the fuck did God get in here? That cheesy third line? Poor God. Do
you realize how your poetry argues against his existence? Why on earth
would an all powerful being with the power to create life, the
universe and everything allow simpering idiots to write bad poetry
taking his name in vain in the hope that it will get them a free pass
from originality and poetic craft.
>
>Hurry up and wait is left to fools
Holy oxymoron. That's just jibberish.
>Those with patients receive the greater gift
Ah, this is a poem about doctors and nurses? Patients are sick
people. Patience is what I don't have for you.
>I hope these words have helped you
Not a fat chance.
>Your hearts I seek to lift
I seek to lift your hearts would be a cliche but at least it's not
wracked and ruined.
Only memorable for its sheer awfulness as usual.
>
>Candice Lee
i've also noticed something else, the
other side of this coin is the bitter, hateful no talent people who had
nothing else to do but hassle someone.
~Tiffany Johnson, Poetess~
Chuck Lysaght
sheer awfulness..." You see, that's what I mean. It's okay to put God down,
but use the word Injun, and Joy goes on her crusade. You're disgusting
Yourcenar
In article <g4aumso86upp3kadf...@4ax.com>,
--
Christopher Keelan
>memorable for it sheer awfulness..." You see, that's
>what I mean. It's okay to put God down, but use the word Injun,
>and Joy goes on her crusade. You're disgusting
>Yourcenar
Wow, your killfile broken already?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Castellan,/glittering one, how have I failed against your walls
and come to the end of expectations? -Scott Murphy
-----------------------------------------------------------
Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com.
Up to 100 minutes free!
http://www.keen.com
Chuck Lysaght
In article <00367347...@usw-ex0104-028.remarq.com>,
--
Robert Barcus
RB
"Joy Yourcenar" <j...@hfx.andara.com> wrote in message
news:g4aumso86upp3kadf...@4ax.com...
Christopher Keelan
How's that killfile coming?
Joy Yourcenar
<rufmetal...@interlog.com.invalid> wrote:
>>Joy snorts, " How the fuck did God get in here." And, "Only
>>memorable for it sheer awfulness..." You see, that's
>>what I mean. It's okay to put God down, but use the word Injun,
>>and Joy goes on her crusade. You're disgusting
>>Yourcenar
>
>Wow, your killfile broken already?
>
>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm sure he's referring to some other Joy, his existence being so
joy-full.
<snort>
Joy
Illusions you say?
Yes, I guess to you my Jesus Christ qualities
are an illusion.
~Sharon McElroy~
Rik Roots
>
> Summer's Eve is a douche. Summer, the season, doesn't need to be
> capitalized.
>
capitalised (though I've never really seen the point).
Or maybe my English teacher at the time didn't like me - I seem to
remember having to learn lots of later Wordsworth poems that year...
Rik
--
So, soon they topped the hill, and raced together
Over an open stretch of herb and heather
Exposed. And instantly the whole sky burned
With fury against them; earth set sudden cups
In thousands for their blood; and the green slope
Chasmed and steepened sheer to infinite space.
- taken from "Spring Offensive" by Wilfred Owen
Joy Yourcenar
wrote:
>> >Moonlit Summer's eve
>>
>> Summer's Eve is a douche. Summer, the season, doesn't need to be
>> capitalized.
>>
>Strange ... I was taught differently: seasons, like months, should be
>capitalised (though I've never really seen the point).
Could be a British thing. I don't know the names of any British
grammars or style books to check if it is different but in the US and
Canada, in English, months, which are proper names for calendar
designations do get capitalized but seasons don't. I am about to go
into full grammarnazi mode but it's not personal. As a teacher,
proofreader and editor, weird capitalization is one of my pet peeves.
I would swear there is a direct link between capitalizing seasons and
writing dippy stuff like "Mr. Moon" (not that you ever have but there
are a lot of people here who think capitalization is a creative
choice.)
Just in case I was wrong or only partially correct, I combed the
bookshelves and the Internet. I didn't find any style book or grammar
that said to capitalize seasons other than in the expected beginning
of a sentence, in a title etc.
Webster's: doesn't capitalize it
My Harbrace College Handbook. Chapter 9, page 113 says
seasons: no capitals (it's in a table of things that do and don't get
capitalized.)
The MLA Handbook, while it does not specifically address
capitalization of seasons, does use several examples with seasons.
Only those in book titles or beginning a sentence are capitalized.
Likewise, Strunk & White's Elements of Style
http://www.bartleby.com/141/index.html does not specifically go over
capitalization but this holy book is sprinkled with examples of good
and bad writing which contain clues to proper usage. In Section III,
Elements of Composition, they write "In spring, summer, or winter." If
seasons needed capitalization, Strunk and White would have done it.
The CU Boulder Style Guide says:
Seasons and Semesters
Lowercase seasons, semesters, and terms.
spring semester
fall 1996
the summer 1997 term
The Gazette Style Guide says:
http://www.montrealgazette.com/STYLE/s.html
seasons of the year are not capitalized.
A very nice online grammar guide put together by Capital Community
College in Hartford, Connecticut not only has the standard reference
component one expects from a grammar but has the online bonuses of
Powerpoint presentations on each topic and online quizzes for those
seeking to bone up on their skills.
http://webster.commnet.edu/HP/pages/darling/original.htm
On capitalization of seasons it says:
Days of the week, months, holidays. Do not, however, capitalize the
names of seasons (spring, summer, fall, autumn, winter). "Next winter,
we're traveling south; by spring, we'll be back up north."
>
>Or maybe my English teacher at the time didn't like me - I seem to
>remember having to learn lots of later Wordsworth poems that year...
>
>Rik
Could be or maybe she was just confused. Wordsworth can do that to
you. :P
Joy
What more could we ask of our poets but to be that careful, courageous and precise?
~Dorianne Laux~
shamima khan
i went to a british private school for a long time, and we were taught to
capitalize the seasons even in the middle of sentences.
regards,
sk
> Joy
--
"All in all, I want poetry (both in the writing and the reading)
to make me marvel, not to make me nod my head solemnly and
commiserate with the poet on how fucked up the world is."
(Aidan T.)
Joy Yourcenar
wrote:
>
>
>i went to a british private school for a long time, and we were taught to
>capitalize the seasons even in the middle of sentences.
>
>regards,
>sk
What stylebooks did you use at school? I couldn't find one online
source that specifically said it was UK usage. I know the major
grammars and stylebooks for North America but not for Britain.
Candice, of course, is not from the UK.
Joy
Joy Yourcenar, Halifax, Nova Scotia
Mythologies http://ebb.ns.ca/myth
icon/graphy http://ebb.ns.ca/icon
"We began with myths and later included actual events."
-- Michael Ondaatje
shamima khan
> On 15 Jul 2000 12:56:16 GMT, sek...@chat.carleton.ca (shamima khan)
> wrote:
> >
> >
> >i went to a british private school for a long time, and we were taught to
> >capitalize the seasons even in the middle of sentences.
> >
> >regards,
> >sk
> What stylebooks did you use at school? I couldn't find one online
> source that specifically said it was UK usage. I know the major
> grammars and stylebooks for North America but not for Britain.
> Candice, of course, is not from the UK.
> Joy
sorry, i have no idea. i just remembered it while reading this thread.
regards,
sk
Rik Roots
Joy - don't know about style books, it's just what we were taught. I
only remember it because it occasionally gets asked at work, and that
I had a terrible time at school because the nouns had to be
capitalised, but the adjectives were not.
If the international view is that seasons should be lowercase, then I
am more than willing to comply!
Rik
> On 15 Jul 2000 12:56:16 GMT, sek...@chat.carleton.ca (shamima khan)
> wrote:
>
> >
> >
> >i went to a british private school for a long time, and we were taught to
> >capitalize the seasons even in the middle of sentences.
> >
> >regards,
> >sk
>
>
> What stylebooks did you use at school? I couldn't find one online
> source that specifically said it was UK usage. I know the major
> grammars and stylebooks for North America but not for Britain.
> Candice, of course, is not from the UK.
> Joy
>
>
> Joy Yourcenar, Halifax, Nova Scotia
> Mythologies http://ebb.ns.ca/myth
> icon/graphy http://ebb.ns.ca/icon
>
> "We began with myths and later included actual events."
> -- Michael Ondaatje
--
Cheryl
funny? I didn't even read all her drivel, because it was so boring and long
winded.
I'm making progress. I'm pulling away from the dark side!!!
Woooohoooooo!!!!
"Robert Barcus" <b...@usmo.com> Sayethed:
intodeep
differ from one person to the next.We can t let a few people tell the
masses what is to be classified poetry.i
gga...@excite.com
(intodeep) wrote:
>poetry is writing ones thoughts in poem .
249:2
>its going to stir emotions that
>differ from one person to the next.We can t let a few people tell the
>masses what is to be classified poetry.i
Definitely not.
gg
""Seek and you shall find" whatever it is you are looking for and most
often than not you will normally see in the other person they kind of
person you personally are."
Tony De Vito
Rob Yeatman
I've heard some dumb definitions of poetry in my time but this is a classic.
Rob
>
>poetry is writing ones thoughts in poem .its going to stir emotions that
JAS Carter
stas...@aol.com (Rob Yeatman) warbled oh so charmingly:
>
>I've heard some dumb definitions of poetry in my time but this is a classic.
And surgery is doing surgery.
>>poetry is writing ones thoughts in poem .its going to stir emotions that
>>differ from one person to the next.We can t let a few people tell the
>>masses what is to be classified poetry.i
>>
Julie Carter
--
http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/general/ep_jasc.htm
"There is nothing as vindictive as a confused flying monkey." Gary Gamble
Kay
The war of the definitions. So, how could you improve on that then Rob?
Kay
Joy Yourcenar
wrote:
>On 21 Jul 2000 19:34:12 GMT, in alt.arts.poetry.comments
>stas...@aol.com (Rob Yeatman) warbled oh so charmingly:
>
>>
>>I've heard some dumb definitions of poetry in my time but this is a classic.
>
>And surgery is doing surgery.
>
>
>Julie Carter
I know of a few typing tumours that need excising.
Rob Yeatman
>
>
>Kay
>
Well I could put an infinite number of monkeys... No sorry - it would be
foolish to try and define so mysterious a thing. I'd end up with a load of
rambling nonsense which may or may not cover some of the bases. I just happend
to think that particular definition was funny.
Rob
Woeisme
by Judson Jerome, Lit. Prof.
On the one hand, poetry is anything you want to call
it. If you say it is poetry, it is poetry, and no one can
deny it. That doesn't mean it is good poetry. And most
good poetry, whatever its other qualities, is metrical
writing.
*Metrical* means measured, a measure, or predetermined
form, forces a poet to put his thoughts into a framework.
The framework requires the poet to pick and choose, polish,
twist, to manage these contortions with grace. It is the
tug-of-war between form and content that makes the art of
the poem. Prose lies flat on the page. Poetry (good
poetry, that is) stands up off it, rounded like a piece of
sculpture, because if its imposed form.
I must renew the warning of the last chapter. If you
are so concerned with *what* you say that you don't care
*how* you say it, you will not write effective poetry. The
first mark of a bad poet is any indication that he or she
is so involved with meaning that form is neglected.
Suppose that you love someone passionately and sincerely.
You write, "I can't tell you how much I love you. It is
more than I can say." Those words may have been intended
to convey a great deal of feeling, but they are pretty flat
on the page. If you cannot figure out some way to pump
life into the language, you may deserve credit as an honest
person, but you will get none for being an artist.
Sometimes I see poems with a single word, such as...
God
...set off on a line by itself, an indication that the
writer thinks God is very important and perhaps wants to
draw attention to his importance. Well, that may be
advertising (though not very effective advertising), but
the message dominates the art. If you feel terrible, you
have to find some more original way to say it than "I feel
terrible." If you hate war, you have to find some better
way to say it than General Sherman's "War is Hell!" Such
expressions may use language, but they fail to get inside
it, to discover and illuminate its inner strength and
necessity, its strange beauty. They are not art.
Michael
* Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping. Smart is Beautiful
shamima khan
> Michael
thank you for posting this.
shamima
--
"I dreamt your suicide note
was scrawled in pencil on a brown paperbag,
& in the bag were six baby mice. The bag
opened into darkness,
smoldering
from the top down..."
(Nick Flynn, "Bag of Mice")