Poetry Telephone *Complete*

[Horatio]

Hello fellow poetry lovers. Here is the completed version of our first
game of poetry telephone at the pigpen. For details on what that means,
go here:

http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=13329

I would like to thanks all of the participants for their time, their
effort and most of all for their bravado and sense of adventure. I think
the game went very well and I hope everyone gets a chance to comment on
at least a couple of the poems. I have some favorites myself and I think
at least a few deserve a chance to be workshopped into polished poems
that will be read again and again. A special thanks goes out to our
friends over at alt.arts.poetry.comments for participating in this first
ever cross-forum version of the classic game that really made its mark
over there. Without further chatter, here is the line:

Poetry Telephone

Starter Poem:

Proof that once she was a mermaid

She denies it with a laugh -
shakes her head and disagrees -
but dips a taste of sourwood honey
and doesn't fear the bees.

Her warm green eyes swim
with memories of the seas
and when a siren calls -
some ambulance from hidden streets
of dreary londontown - she doesn't harbor
that secret fear that it comes for her
just shakes her head in sympathy for me.

She loves the taste of animals that hoof
the earth and graze the fields so openly -
who else won't pretend to love
the taste of fish or salad greens?

But I won't sow the earth with seeds of salt
or hide my eyes and ears to free my dreams.
No, bind me to the mast and let me hear her song
as others cry with emptiness -
the king's men starving at a feast.

First Rewrite

Truth of a Chambermaid

She relies upon her good humor-
tames her hair to some degree
whips up a bun with carved comb,
doesn't wear her skirt above her knee.

Her warm brown eyes dim
with memories of the siege.
Somnambulant through vacant halls,
she startles as her cellphone rings,
still wary of calls to leave her hometown
she harbors fears they'll come for her.
She shakes herself, resists the urge to flee.

She moves to clear debris of guests, aloof
in berths they laze, at long buffets they graze.
She can't pretend she doesn't miss
the taste of scraps and local greens
seasoned with her mother's spice and tears.

Her babe sleeps safe and free to dream:
not bound to ragged past he'll sing a newfound song,
her lullaby imprinted on his breast-
a queen, head high, who faced the beast.

-Ellajam

Second Rewrite

Bastard

His shallow breathing steadies her--
shut eyes and wordless dreams;
she lies all night imagining
his future as a king.

She wraps up tight and holds him close,
sings what mother once sung
before the masks and blasts released
mom’s breath from collapsed lungs.

Each morn she hands him over
to a foreign loveless breast ,
trudges to the chateau’s chambers
invisible to guests.

A life lived in repetition
with one hope to sustain--
her son’s father a royal,
with no heirs yet to his name.

She scrubs and mutely smiles,
but when far from hidden spies
brown eyes leak salty water
fearing promises were lies.

Will they take her back to where
her mind buried in the past--
a dark hall of hopeless mortals
starving in their iron casts?

She lifts her chin up slowly
as she rises from the ground--
a king deserves a mother
who’s still regal when cast down.

-Jusctcloudy

Third Rewrite

Lullaby


I watch your every breath -
protective mothering.
I’d fight for you with death
your future as a king.

Protective mothering
with lullabies from home.
Your future as a king,
my past as bride of Rome.

With lullabies from home
I leave you every day.
My past, as bride of Rome,
ignored, I toil and slave.

I leave you every day,
alone I earn our keep.
Ignored, I toil and slave.
What’s sown is what we reap.

Alone, I earn our keep,
in silence swift tears run.
What’s sown is what you reap,
you’re still his only son.

In silence swift tears run,
my family is lost.
You’re still his only son -
I wonder at the cost.

My family is lost,
I’d fight for you with death.
I wonder at the cost.
I watch your every breath.

-Justmercedes

Fourth Rewrite

Songs for Eros

She drew a single breath then closed her eyes.
She hummed the lullaby throughout the night.
Her husband didn't stir, nor would he rise
until the morning. She would then surmise
his passing. Wonder if he dreamed her frights.
She drew a single breath then closed her eyes.
She sang erotic verses to surprise
him into sight, stood nude by fire light.
Her husband didn't stir, nor would he rise.
She hummed the lullaby and fantasized
him broad awake, eyes wide. To view the sight
she drew a single breath then closed her eyes.
She snuggled close and cried her lullabies.
She mourned him gone and begged that they unite.
Her husband didn't stir, nor would he rise.
She did her sexy dance, erotic cries.
She hummed the lullaby throughout the night.
She drew a single breath then closed her eyes.
her husband didn't stir, nor would he rise.

-Trueenigma

Fifth Rewrite


Salome and Jochanaan
--------------------

Herodes: Was ist es, das du haben möchtest, Salome?
Salome: Den Kopf des Jochanaan.
-- Richard Strauss

Salome singeth Jochanaan
erotic verses all night long:
Jochanaan maketh no reply.

Salome danceth Jochanaan
her previous dance of seven veils:
he marketh neither veils nor her.

Jochanaan preacheth in his head
that Christ is come and all redeemed:
Salome heareth not his speech.

Salome biteth freezing lips
that neither kiss nor smile nor bleed:
Jochanaan maketh no reply.

Salome danceth Jochanaan
again her dance, with fifty veils:
he marketh neither veils nor her.

When Christ returneth to redeem,
we simple folk shall heed his call:
Salome heareth not his speech;
Jochanaan maketh no reply.

-Peter J. Ross

Sixth rewrite:

Salami to no a veil
The Opera of Headless John
--------------------------------------------
Herod fat-pig asks his slut sausage Salami
Salami, :What will you do with your pet John?”
--dick stress

Salami sings off key to John
verses of Abba all night long
John throws up, but is unmoved.

Salami dance the dance of the seven meats
John ignores her disgusting dance especially
when she pulls a hogi from between her thighs
John eats not!

John preaches in his head,
that Christ has come though John as not
he is unsure about Salami!

Salami acts as though John’s mouth is a large pickle,
Nibbling, sucking (especially sucking, and other
oral gymnastics) to no avail as the pickle stays frozen.

Salami in desperation dances her dance of fifty meats,
cold cuts flying everywhere, shooting anchovies
from her nether regions, yet John holds fast to the “armour” of God.

When Christ returns to redeem his order of pastrami on rye,
We simpletons will drink mead with all,
Salami heareth not his call as this is not Salami on rye,
John makes no reply as Herod has chopped off his head.

Erthona (Dale Tisdale)

Seventh Rewrite:

El coleccionista

My friend John says he wants me
to be his wingwoman; he says he's lost
his head to Sálome and needs my help;
John's lost his head to Sálome, whose voice
is cinnamon rich and warm; he's lost his heart
to Sálome, the Amazon who serves the drinks
at Tony's bar, the Hélicon, where grey-draped
caryatids raise potted palms aloft while
dapper little Tony dips and flits between
lace-covered darkwood tables. Tony flicks
a practised chamois cloth at dust, pausing
to converse with regulars or recommend
his favourite from a fragrant range of teas
and gins. Along the bar, on gleaming trays,
a thousand almond leaves are honey glazed;
they cloy with stickiness. John wants me
to talk to Tony, to distract and keep him
sweet, to muse on silverware and curiosities,
admire the bric-a-brac, the tumbling monkey
in the china cabinet and the desiccated
Persian cat with blue stone eyes. John's
lost his head to Sálome, he thinks my chattering
can deflect Tony's proprietorial look that gathers
Salomé with oddities, dead pets and flightless
concrete angels. John's lost his head to Sálome
who pours the drinks at Tony's bar. Her voice
is warm as cinnamon, her eyes dark as molasses.
We order G&Ts. I talk to Tony, but I watch
as Sálome lifts the gin bottle. Her hands
are square and competent, just like a man's.

Gwyneth Box

Eigth Rewrite:

The Collectors Balls

John wants me on his six;
his hormones are ape shit and he needs
female back up. He lost his head
to shalom the Jewish Amazon who tends
bar for Antoine at the Tuba and Trumpet.
A Kosha all you can drink shit hole for ex pilots
and wingmen who no longer fly.
dimpled brass table tops rest like saucers
on the heads and arms of naked dwarves.
Antoine likes to flick the tight titted waitresses
with his pink handkerchief as he minces
between tables on Fred Astair feet imploring,
begging his public, drink, drink, drink!
Johnny asks me to jiggle my boobs
and shake the derrière at Tony as a distraction;
to talk about dancing, rain and Gene Kelly.
John's lost his wallet to Shalom who sets up drinks
along Tony's bar. Her lips glisten like ripe water melon,
her breath sweet as marshmallow sundae;
she works the drunks. I show Tony my knees, but watch
as Shalom bends over a case of cheap merlot
the bulge hanging to the left, not as concealed as she thinks.

billy

Ninth rewrite:

Rises and falls

Salty Sean's got up to his last trick;
Post a beer-bolstered whiskey-hindered
pick up attempt, he panicked and fled
out the back door, free-wheeling round Fisherman's bend.
Forget last week's slap down this one trumped it;
He spied a thin-lipped big-boned strumpet with eyelids violet
straw-brittle hair patchily dyed
and brassy dimpled cheeks plopped atop gloopy
forearms crossed on an oil stained table top;
but even from this manatee the shoreline excesses
weather-beaten into his features would gather only winces.
Spilling between tables on unaware feet roaring
"One for this lady. A drink! A drink! A drink!"
and wine-blind to the scattering of stools
his deck practiced sway gave way to the earth's attraction.
Spread eagled in pain staring up at the telly
anchored to the timber by the cackling and clinks
of the whole bar and her teeth glistening like ripe lemons
chattering in a bitter refrain.
He escaped by crawling crabbily to the toilet hatch,
out the back door, free-wheeled Fisherman's bend and with no intent to slow
hung a sharp left, rattled the wharf's slatted chinks
and flowed into the ice cold, oil-slicked, laughter less drink.

tomoffing

Tenth Rewrite:

Fast Fred's final flub is as follows:

After a booze and blow binge and a botched booty call,
he turned and trod with terrible trepidation
down the deck door, determined to drive to Clamdigger’s Cove.

Close the curtains on all collective comeuppance- Saturday’s surpassed all..

Some superbly stacked split-tail made him stiff;
her olive ocular orbs ogled him oddly
as her amazingly arced ass made him antsy to ask
if the wanton woman wanted a wad to wiggle his wood.

But his mega-moistened mouth managed a measly, “May, I, may I..”
before he violently vomited very vast volumes of vittles
on the harpy’s harlequin halter top as she hollered in horror, “Help!”
"..buy you a bottle of bourbon?" he babbled,
grappling with gravity while graphically grabbing George and Gracie.
She kneed his nads, and his noggin nosed her nethers. “I never!” she
screamed,
and suddenly stormed, seething, from Sammy’s South Street Saloon.

Fred, frantic and fried, floundered in futility on the foul floor.
Larry, Lester, and the lousy lot laughed long and loudly,
joking and jawing and jabbing and jibing. Fred jockeyed
to a perpendicular position and plodded pathetically past his putrid puddle,
crying, “I’ll crash my crappy Chevy Cobalt into Clamdigger’s Cove, chumps!”

He recklessly rambled into Ralph Ruggles, who reeled, then righted
as Fred fled in his car of red, and is assumed dead.

fogglethorpe (Hugh)

Rewrite eleven :

Fast food Freddie’s final feast

Bilious from binging, nose blotchy from booze,
he rolled to the mirror with everything to lose,
more down his neck, swallowed hamburgers and coke
curtains for clothes around this humongous bloke.

The stretch mark folds of skin had a whiff,
that Olive his wife would obligingly lift,
an amazing arse that he would ask to be wiped
that the poor woman hand washed and jiggle each night.

This mega mouthed monster swallowed many meals,
before the vomiting of vittles’ lost its appeal,
he would scoop the sick from his Harley tattoo
and drink it down with a bottle of bubbly or two.
Grey graveness and the gravity of gasping for air,
never needing to kneel or get out of the chair,
stuck seated and swollen like a barrage balloon,
Freddie was sure that death would come soon.

Always ready for a fowl or fried feast,
he pestered and parried the question of grease,
joking about Jabba the Hutt, his jaw needed to be wired shut,
prone to pissing himself when he parped, positions that plodded the beat
of his heart,
crying each night this chunky cheeked chappy knew losing lumps could
make him happy.

Miraculously little Ralphy was raised and one day he rested to Freddie’s
right
but Freddie’s folds flopped onto his head, unable to breathe they found
Ralphy dead.

Keith

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

It should be noted that Gwyneth's title should be italicized. The formatting is correct on the other site but I copied and pasted the post to Usenet without making formatting adjustments. Hopefully there are not too many other errors.

[Horatio]

On 3/3/2014 8:57 PM, Horatio wrote:
<snip>

The commenting portion of this is going to be clumsy no matter what but
I am determined to make the best of it.

While some cross-pollination would be fantastic, group regulars are most
likely to be commenting in the forum they feel most comfortable in.
Comments from PigPen members are most likely to be found here:

http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=13669&pid=156722#pid156722

The commenting has started there (though slowly as it tends to at the
pigpen).

(I have posted a similar message over there)

[Will Dockery]

Horatio wrote:
>
> <snip>
>
> The commenting portion of this is going to be clumsy no matter what but
> I am determined to make the best of it.

Hello Horatio, thanks for posting and good afternoon...

That said, I made some opening commentary, which because the Eternal-September newsreader is bogged down for whatever reason, still hasen't appeared.

My plan, and possibly those of other regulars, is to post comments and rewrites of the individual poems...

Since they have been posted here, I'm sure you intend them to be fair game for me and the other regulars to examine, Officially.

--
Check out Idle Hour Night / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars -
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/15928895-idle-hour-night--dockery-mallard

[Horatio]

On 3/4/2014 12:53 PM, Peter J Ross wrote:
> In alt.arts.poetry.comments on Tue, 04 Mar 2014 12:27:04 -0500,
> Horatio wrote:

>
> I'll be commenting in AAPC only, and I don't want my comments copied
> elsewhere. Links to my comments are fine, of course.
>
> There's nothing wrong with your forum, but the only reason for me to
> comment on the poems written by participants in your forum is that I
> hope to attract them to AAPC.
>
> If there are comments on my contribution to the game in your forum,
> I'll sign up in order to acknowledge them.

I have linked to the thread, if people want to follow-up, that is up to
them, I will be doing no "cross-forum" copying or anything else crazy
like that. As to how individual members go about
commenting/acknowledging, I will leave that to them. i feel like my
responsibilities as organizer end here.
>
> I suggest that we "officially" go our separate ways from now on, until
> next time somebody has an idea that would be enhanced by
> cross-pollination.

Agreed. I highly doubt this will ever happen again but thanks for
participating.

[Will Dockery]

Horatio wrote:
>
> Agreed. I highly doubt this will ever happen again

Never know, but this one does look intereating, so far... hopefully other regulars will be interested in participating.

--

[Will Dockery]

"Horatio" <qwer...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:VpaRu.34868$uP3....@fx15.iad...
>
> bravado and sense of adventure

Which you apparently lack, not even having the guts to allow the
alt.arts.poetry.comments regulars to be involved in this Poetry Telephone...
thanks for posting, though.

--
Check out "Rock-N-Roll Night / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/18033340-rock-n-roll-night--dockery-snipe

[Will Dockery]

"J. Corey Connor" <hierony...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:0a96763b-2202-4e23...@googlegroups.com...
> Thanks for posting.
> Have a nice day.

Maybe he's soliciting round two here?

[Will Dockery]

"Peter J Ross" wrote:
>
> trolls, spammers, plagiarists and other scum

Also proven lying hypocrites such as you and your ilk often post here, but
they'll figure that out directly if they're paying attention.

[Will Dockery]

J. Corey Connor wrote:
> It's an interesting exercise and a fun read.

I did read the earlier one from 2003.

--
Check out Idle Hour Night / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars -
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/15928895-idle-hour-night--dockery-mallard

[George Dance]

Of course they won't be able to say here that PJ is a lying hypocrite, lest qwerty kick them out of his pigpen. Just a friently caution, of course.

[Gwyneth]

On 04/03/2014 01:57, Horatio wrote:
> Hello fellow poetry lovers. Here is the completed version of our first
> game of poetry telephone at the pigpen. For details on what that means,
> go here:
>
> http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=13329
>
> I would like to thanks all of the participants for their time, their
> effort and most of all for their bravado and sense of adventure. I think
> the game went very well and I hope everyone gets a chance to comment on
> at least a couple of the poems. I have some favorites myself and I think
> at least a few deserve a chance to be workshopped into polished poems
> that will be read again and again. A special thanks goes out to our
> friends over at alt.arts.poetry.comments for participating in this first
> ever cross-forum version of the classic game that really made its mark
> over there.

Hi there.
Thanks for organising this.
Commenting takes time, which is currently ear-marked for other purposes,
but a couple of things to be going on with:
* My first reaction is that Billy's re-write of my piece is great and
answers questions and doubts raised when I took /El Coleccionista/ to a
workshop a couple of days ago. The rewrite is possibly more useful than
half the comments made then.
* I see that I was right when I suspected I was one step away from PJR.
* Interesting to see variation between formal and non-formal and to note
how far different people were prepared to move away from the piece they
were given to work from.

Thanks again.

g.

[Will Dockery]

> Of course they won't be able to say here that PJ is a lying hypocrite, lest qwerty kick them out of his pigpen. Just a friendly caution, of course.

Oh, perish the thought... heh.

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

On Wednesday, March 5, 2014 2:36:25 AM UTC-5, Gwyneth wrote:
> On 04/03/2014 01:57, Horatio wrote:

> Hi there.
> Thanks for organising this.
> Commenting takes time, which is currently ear-marked for other purposes,
> but a couple of things to be going on with:

> * My first reaction is that Billy's re-write of my piece is great and
> answers questions and doubts raised when I took /El Coleccionista/ to a
> workshop a couple of days ago. The rewrite is possibly more useful than
> half the comments made then.

billy has an interesting style that I have grown familiar with. I was interested to see how he would approach your poem.

>
> * I see that I was right when I suspected I was one step away from PJR.

This wasn't deliberate, I actually used an online list scramber and there were 2 spots between you but one member couldn't participate.

> * Interesting to see variation between formal and non-formal and to note
> how far different people were prepared to move away from the piece they
> were given to work from.

This was even more surprising than last time! The evolution appeared subtle at first and I did notice that the poems stayed pretty long which is unusual but once you made it a few poems in there were some radical changes.

>
>
>
> Thanks again.

Thank you for participating. I thought your poem came out great. I have read it a few times already and look forward to reading it again. If nothing else comes from this, there is always that poem . . .

I hope to have some time to give more useful commentary within the coming days, I see billy already commented on it over on the other site.

[George Dance]

On Thursday, March 6, 2014 6:18:08 PM UTC-5, qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Wednesday, March 5, 2014 2:36:25 AM UTC-5, Gwyneth wrote:
>

snip

> > Billy's re-write of my piece is great
>

snip

> I thought your poem came out great

snip

Maybe the "Poetry Telephone" needs a theme song. May I humbly suggest:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUfLHJg-CY0

[Will Dockery]

George Dance wrote:
>
> Maybe the "Poetry Telephone" needs a theme song. May I humbly suggest:
>
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUfLHJg-CY0

Then there's the upcoming sequel Cellphone Haiku...

--
Check out "Gone Too Far / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars -
http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/11596860

[George Dance]

On Friday, March 7, 2014 3:39:16 PM UTC-5, Will Dockery wrote:
> George Dance wrote:
>
> >
>
> > Maybe the "Poetry Telephone" needs a theme song. May I humbly suggest:
>
> > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUfLHJg-CY0
>
> Then there's the upcoming sequel Cellphone Haiku...
>

Sounds like fun. Maybe we could have a twiplet competition, too, for those who prefer to use twitter.

http://pennyspoetry.wikia.com/wiki/Twiplet

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 5:43:03 AM UTC-5, J. Corey Connor wrote:
> Talk about mutual admiration.
> You two were made for each other.

Admiration or respect for other group members is bound to seem strange
To dunce.

[George Dance]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 11:26:31 AM UTC-5, qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:
>
> Admiration or respect for other group members is bound to seem strange
> To dunce.

If you want admiration, milo/horatio/qwerty, you have only to do something that's worthy of admiration. Up till now, you haven't.

On the other hand, you (and all group members) have respect until you decide to do things that lose you that respect. Up till now, you have, repeatedly.

~~
The Snowdrift / F.O. Call
http://gdancesbetty.blogspot.ca/2014/03/the-snowdrift-fo-call.html

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

Nobody wants admiration or respect from you, dunce. Also, no one gets it. Interesting that you don't even admire or respect your 2 Usenet allies, Corey and will, do you.

You are a petty and small troll and sometimes plagiarist. Nobody really reads Usenet so it doesn't really matter. The threads that link to this one from the pigpen OTOH already combine for over 1400 hits.

;)

[George Dance]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 12:15:25 PM UTC-5, qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:
> Nobody wants admiration or respect from you, dunce.

Translation: "Those grapes were too sour for you, right.

> Also, no one gets it. Interesting that you don't even admire or respect your 2 Usenet allies, Corey and will, do you.
>

Neither are my 'allies'. However, both are better people, and better writers, than you or any of any of your 4 aapc allies: PJ, generic, gwyneth, and cujo the sockpuppet.

>
> You are a petty and small troll and sometimes plagiarist.

Cut the crap. As has been pointed out, you began calling me a plagiarist only so that PJ and gwyneth would write something for your "Poetry Telephone".

> Nobody really reads Usenet so it doesn't really matter.

If you thought it doesn't really matter, you wouldn't keep whining about. Yet you keep whining about it. Therefore ___
(Complete the logic yourself, if you're capable of doing so).

> The threads that link to this one from the pigpen OTOH already combine for over 1400 hits.

So that's why you've started writing about me on your Pigpen as well, is it?

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 1:09:15 PM UTC-5, George Dance wrote:

>
>
>
> So that's why you've started writing about me on your Pigpen as well, is it?
>
>

Of course George responds with lies but the mystery is why he makes the so transparent and easily refutable.

[George Dance]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 1:37:02 PM UTC-5, qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:
>
> Of course George responds with lies but the mystery is why he makes the so transparent and easily refutable.

Snipping everything I said and calling it lies is not exactly a "refutation", qmh.

~~
Round the Mercury / George J. Dance
http://gdancesbetty.blogspot.ca/2014/02/round-mercury-george-j-dance.html

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 4:34:50 PM UTC-5, George Dance wrote:
> On Saturday, March 8, 2014 1:37:02 PM UTC-5, qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:
>
> >
>
> > Of course George responds with lies but the mystery is why he makes the so transparent and easily refutable.
>
>
>
> Snipping everything I said and calling it lies is not exactly a "refutation", qmh.
>
>
>

I am not interested in refuting you, dunce, just curious what drives your particular brand of dishonest stupidity.

HTH

[George Dance]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 5:31:33 PM UTC-5, Peter J Ross wrote:
> In alt.arts.poetry.comments on 4 Mar 2014 17:53:33 GMT, Peter J Ross
>
> wrote:
>
>
>
> > If there are comments on my contribution to the game in your forum,
>
> > I'll sign up in order to acknowledge them.
>
>
>
> I've signed up (with the username pjr) in order to have a look around
>
> and decide whether or not the site should be mentioned on the AAPC
>
> links page.
>
>
>
> Having wasted ten minutes of my life that I won't get back, I now want
>
> to know how to delete my account. Can you help?
>

Admit that you plagiarized "Hymn to the Virgin," and qwerty will delete it for you.

http://tinyurl.com/petesvirgin

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 5:31:33 PM UTC-5, Peter J Ross wrote:
> In alt.arts.poetry.comments on 4 Mar 2014 17:53:33 GMT, Peter J Ross
>
> wrote:
>
>
>
> > If there are comments on my contribution to the game in your forum,
>
> > I'll sign up in order to acknowledge them.
>
>
>
> I've signed up (with the username pjr) in order to have a look around
>
> and decide whether or not the site should be mentioned on the AAPC
>
> links page.
>
>
>
> Having wasted ten minutes of my life that I won't get back, I now want
>
> to know how to delete my account. Can you help

Eh - if someone visited here for 10 minutes would they want to stay? There is much bad but much good as well, they mostly need a shepherd. I would rather leave the account active as it never needs to be used but if you insist I can remove it.

[Will Dockery]

Peter J Ross wrote:
>
> AAPC is an
> unmoderated newsgroup, where there are few rules. However, we have a
> useful FAQ, and our inability to ban thieves, liars, halfwits and
> trolls

Don't worry PJR, we'd still let you post here even though you're a known liar, hypocrite and defender of thieves such as Michael Cook.

--
Check out Idle Hour Night / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars -
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/15928895-idle-hour-night--dockery-mallard

[Will Dockery]

qwerty... wrote:
>
> Eh - if someone visited here for 10 minutes would they want to stay?

You stayed, PJR's been here over a decade, for two examples.

So the answer would seem to be yes.

[Will Dockery]

"George Dance" wrote in message
news:f47613ee-4c9d-4260...@googlegroups.com...

> Will Dockery wrote:
>> George Dance wrote:
>
>> > Maybe the "Poetry Telephone" needs a theme song. May I humbly suggest:
>>
>> > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUfLHJg-CY0
>>
>> Then there's the upcoming sequel Cellphone Haiku...
>>
>
> Sounds like fun. Maybe we could have a twiplet competition, too, for those
> who prefer to use twitter.
>
> http://pennyspoetry.wikia.com/wiki/Twiplet

Those are new to me but sound good.

I'll be doing a mixture of original Haiku that I write most of my cellphone
text messages in, and Dale Houstamn style re-writes of the poems in
Horatio's "Complete" thread, which isn't /complete/ in
alt.arts.poetry.comments without contributions from the regulars here, which
is you, Corey, the Colonel... Generic... maybe even Horatio and PJR will
want to get back in the game, the real game.

Here's some examples of Cellphone Haiku, just because I have them handy, and
they're mine, for example purposes:

Three Haiku / Will Dockery

------------------------------

Moonlit Mile

So many tears on a moonlit mile
through Aokigahara forest
old man tips his snow cap.

-Will Dockery

Sandy makes me think of a haiku, though unfinished.

Bluebird
on white snow
shivers her timbers.

-Will Dockery

and

Iron Butterfly
comes to mind
1970s breeze.

-Will Dockery

http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

[Will Dockery]

Cellphone Haiku

In Tennesee honey
pale blue eyes swim
in spiced tears.

-Will Dockery

Next..?

--
Check out "Red Lipped Stranger / Will Dockery & Shadowville All-Stars" -
http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/8798203

[Will Dockery]

Revised:

Cellphone Haiku

In Tennessee honey
pale blue eyes swim
with spiced tears.

-Will Dockery

[Will Dockery]

In a vacant hall
a cellphone rings
on vibrate.

-Will Dockery

--
Check out "Rock-N-Roll Night / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/18033340-rock-n-roll-night--dockery-snipe

[Will Dockery]

"George Dance" wrote:
> Will Dockery wrote:
>> "Peter J Ross" wrote:
>>
>> > trolls, spammers, plagiarists and other scum
>>
>> Also proven lying hypocrites such as you and your ilk often post here,
>> but
>> they'll figure that out directly if they're paying attention.
>
> Of course they won't be able to say here that PJ is a lying hypocrite,
> lest qwerty kick them out of his pigpen. Just a friendly caution, of
> course.

Oh, is that in Horatio's rule book, really?

[Will Dockery]

Slightly clumsy
little purple mountains
in her sketchbook.

-Will Dockery

[George Dance]

On Sunday, March 9, 2014 12:37:54 PM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:
> "George Dance" wrote:
>
> > Will Dockery wrote:
>
> >> "Peter J Ross" wrote:
>
> >> > trolls, spammers, plagiarists and other scum
>
>
> >> Also proven lying hypocrites such as you and your ilk often post here,
>
> >> but
>
> >> they'll figure that out directly if they're paying attention.
> > Of course they won't be able to say here that PJ is a lying hypocrite,
> > lest qwerty kick them out of his pigpen. Just a friendly caution, of
> > course.
>
> Oh, is that in Horatio's rule book, really?
>

I doubt that he has an actual rule book; it's more likely he just wings it.

He probably has a rule against 'disruption', or something equally vague, that he can stretch to cover any speech he dislikes.

[Will Dockery]

On Sunday, March 9, 2014 1:39:32 PM UTC-4, George Dance wrote:
> On Sunday, March 9, 2014 12:37:54 PM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:
>
> > Oh, is that in Horatio's rule book, really?
>
> I doubt that he has an actual rule book; it's more likely he just wings it.
>
> He probably has a rule against 'disruption', or something equally vague, that he can stretch to cover any speech he dislikes.

Yeah, and we know that Horatio is a blatant hypocrite when it comes to judging what a "Disruption" is.

And so it... goes... of course.

[Will Dockery]

Stations of the cross
leak salty water
iron fists in yellow snow.

-Will Dockery

--

[pavlesk...@gmail.com]

My favorite poem is the second rewrite, by Justctcloudy.

[ella...@gmail.com]

On Saturday, March 8, 2014 2:44:01 PM UTC-5, Peter J Ross wrote:
> Welcome to AAPC, Ellajam!
>
>
>
> If you're reading, you'll have noticed by now that AAPC is an

>
> unmoderated newsgroup, where there are few rules. However, we have a
>
> useful FAQ, and our inability to ban thieves, liars, halfwits and
>

> trolls is compensated for by the opportunity to refute and ridicule
>
> them.
>
>
>
> In alt.arts.poetry.comments on Mon, 03 Mar 2014 20:57:08 -0500,
>
> Horatio wrote:
>
>
>
> > Truth of a Chambermaid
>
> >
>
> > She relies upon her good humor-
>
> > tames her hair to some degree
>
> > whips up a bun with carved comb,
>
> > doesn't wear her skirt above her knee.
>
>
>
> The degree/knee end-rhyme is obtrusive, but the pattern isn't
>
> continued in the rest of the poem. it's dangerous to set up
>
> expectations at the start of a poem unless you have a very good reason
>
> for not fulfilling them.
>
>
>
> The punctuation is at best erratic, at worst wrong. The same applies
>
> throughout, but it's worst here.
>
>
>
> > Her warm brown eyes dim
>
>
>
> You can get away with "brown eyes", since some eyes are literally
>
> bxpwn, but you can't get away with "warm" or "dim", both of which are
>
> tired old metaphors which have become clichés.
>
>
>
> > with memories of the siege.
>
> > Somnambulant through vacant halls,
>
> > she startles as her cellphone rings,
>
>
>
> These are two beautifully crisp iambic tetrameters, but the rest of
>
> the poem is so much looser that these two lines stand out in a bad way
>
> rather than a good one.
>
>
>
> > still wary of calls to leave her hometown
>
> > she harbors fears they'll come for her.
>
> > She shakes herself, resists the urge to flee.
>
>
>
> The sturdy iambic rhythm almost rescues these two lines from the
>
> suspicion of being prosy and clichéd, but not quite, I think.
>
>
>
> >
>
> > She moves to clear debris of guests, aloof
>
> > in berths they laze, at long buffets they graze.
>
> > She can't pretend she doesn't miss
>
> > the taste of scraps and local greens
>
> > seasoned with her mother's spice and tears.
>
> >
>
> > Her babe sleeps safe and free to dream:
>
> > not bound to ragged past he'll sing a newfound song,
>
> > her lullaby imprinted on his breast-
>
> > a queen, head high, who faced the beast.
>
>
>
> There are weaknesses in these nine lines, but their overall effect is
>
> satisfactory.
>
>
>
> > -Ellajam
>
>
>
> Thanks for contributing.
>
>
>
> --
>
> PJR :-)
>
>
>
> ἔστι τις σιῶν τίσις - Alcman

Hi, Peter, thanks for the welcome and for taking the time to read and comment on my contribution.

I have no excuse for the inconsistencies, I was busy trying to turn the words of the poem before mine and was relieved to end up with something vaguely coherent. :)

I agree that my punctuation sucks, even when I devote more time to it than I did here. The kind posters at pigpen are patient and generous with slow learners, so there is hope I will improve. I will take your advice and study tomoffing's poems, maybe I get it.

Thanks also for pointing out the cliches.

I love a good meaty edit and you and some others have given me plenty of ammo . Something may come of this yet, and if not I've had fun along the way.

Again, thanks for your time and for playing with us.
ellajam

[Will Dockery]

ellajamm wrote in message
news:e7470af8-f77c-42ca...@googlegroups.com...
>
> Hi

>
> thanks for the welcome and for taking the time to read and comment on my
> contribution.

Hello Ellajamm, great to see you and hope you'll stick around
alt.arts.poetry.comments a while!

--
Check out "Gone Too Far / Dockery-Mallard-Snipe" -
http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/11596860

[Will Dockery]

pavleska.sandra wrote in message
news:d8877eee-26f3-4c66...@googlegroups.com...

>
> My favorite poem is the second rewrite, by Justctcloudy.

Hello Sandra, great to see you and hope you'll stick around

[ella...@gmail.com]

ha, vibrate startles me more than a ring, funny.

[emcgr...@gmail.com]

Thanks for the feedback peter.
My hyphenation issues are born simply from limited understanding and the rush this was put together in.
I wasn't sure it was worth but I'll spend some time trying to sharpen this perhaps.

Ill see you for the next game of telephone.

[emcgr...@gmail.com]

[emcgr...@gmail.com]

[Will Dockery]

On Sunday, March 9, 2014 7:38:09 PM UTC-4, ella...@gmail.com wrote:
> ha, vibrate startles me more than a ring, funny.

Hello Ella, thanks for reading and commenting, and welcome again to alt.arts.poetry.comments!

--
New song "Angel of Esquiline Hill / Will Dockery & The Shadowville Trio" -http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/video/12538911

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

On Tuesday, March 11, 2014 2:42:53 PM UTC-4, J. Corey Connor wrote:
> Actually Okay, this sounds so odd that I felt I actually had to say something here. You will never believe what I am actually doing write this very minute. I am actually building church pews, because I'm a carpenter.

Sit on it.

[Will Dockery]

J. Corey Connor wrote:
>
> Actually Okay, this sounds so odd that I felt I actually had to say something
> here. You will never believe what I am actually doing write this very minute. I > am actually building church pews, because I'm a carpenter.

Is this a Prose Poem?

[Will Dockery]

Peter J Ross wrote:
> Horatio wrote:
>
> >> I've signed up (with the username pjr) in order to have a look around
> >> and decide whether or not the site should be mentioned on the AAPC
> >> links page.
>
> >> Having wasted ten minutes of my life that I won't get back, I now want
> >> to know how to delete my account. Can you help

>
> > Eh - if someone visited here for 10 minutes would they want to stay?
>

> It would depend who the someone was.
>
> > There is much bad but much good as well, they mostly need a
> > shepherd. I would rather leave the account active as it never need
> > to be used but if you insist I can remove it.
>
> I'd rather you removed it.

"Take it to email..."

Heh.

[Will Dockery]

Cellphone Haiku 4

Pink handkerchief sunset
jiggling boob clouds
purple mountains rising.

-Will Dockery

[gen...@hotmail.com]

On 8-Mar-2014, wrote:

> > Also, no one gets it. Interesting that you don't even admire or respect
> > your 2 Usenet allies, Corey and will, do you.
> >
>
> Neither are my 'allies'. However, both are better people, and better
> writers, than you or any of any of your 4 aapc allies: PJ, generic,
> gwyneth, and cujo the sockpuppet.


george asserts that will douchebag and Corey are Better People and Better
Writers than Peter, myself, gwyneth and Cujo.

With the amazing powers of his mind, ladies and gentlemen...

[Will Dockery]

generic wrote:
>
> george asserts that will and Corey are Better People and Better
> Writers than Peter, myself

Well, what poetry have you written?

"Show, don't tell."

Here's one of mine, feel free to try to top it.

Check out Idle Hour Night / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars -
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/15928895-idle-hour-night--dockery-mallard

And so it goes.

[George Dance]

On Saturday, March 15, 2014 11:52:37 AM UTC-4, gen...@hotmail.com wrote:

>
> george asserts that will douchebag and Corey are [b]etter [p]eople and [better > [w]riters than Peter, myself, gwyneth and Cujo.
>

Poor Gary ... did it sting?

~~
To the Thawing Wind / Robert Frost
http://gdancesbetty.blogspot.ca/2014/03/to-thawing-wind.html

[Will Dockery]

George Dance wrote:
> gen... wrote:
>
> > george asserts that will and Corey are [b]etter [p]eople and [better >

> > [w]riters than Peter, myself, gwyneth and Cujo.
>
> Poor Gary ... did it sting?

"Everything stings" -gen...

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

> george asserts that will douchebag and Corey are Better People and Better
> Writers than Peter, myself, gwyneth and Cujo.

Since you refuse to reveal your identity, one can only assume their writing superior to yours.

They've also posted examples of their writing here -- which puts them two ahead of you.

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

On Thursday, March 20, 2014 10:36:56 AM UTC-4, J. Corey Connor wrote:
> I Shall Not Want I do not want to be here with you. I'd rather take you to the zoo where we could see zebras times three, and laugh at giraffes, as bears climb trees. I do not want to be here with you. I do not want to be here with you. I'd rather takes steps two by two and double time this rhyme so we'd have fun with run-on poetry. I do not want to be here with you. I do not want to be here with you, but since I am, my love, I'll do anything but sing this song for you, whoever. Right or wrong, I do not want to be here with you. http://hieronymous707.blogspot.com/2013/11/i-shall-not-want.html
>

I definitely hear the Seussian influence in this one.

[Will Dockery]

Peter J Ross wrote:
>
> > I'd rather you removed it.
>

> ===[begin_quoted_text]================================================
>
> Your forum account is currently banned. Ban Reason: Spam
>
> Ban will be lifted: Never
>
> ===[end_quoted_text]==================================================
>
> Tee hee!
>
> Thanks.

Now what do you say about a "Disruptor", Horatio?

Just curious.

[Will Dockery]

House Boy Blues

Tears and grins
demonstrate bathetic
attention.

Line and rock
a lot to like
work the stem.

Wing molasses
he's lost
the expected meaning.

Stolen cats
and
concrete tablets.

Potted dapper dips
darkwood at dust
with regulars.

Favourite bar
gleaming neon
blue stone eyes.

Astonishing rubbish
chattering
coherence.

Almond hue
not enthusiastic
cinnamon swing.

Sticky muse
silver and curious
tumbling monkey.

-Will Dockery

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

Peter was an excellent participator. I consider the game a big success. Everyone who participated considers it a success. People who didn't participate don't which suggest I made the correct decisions. If I do it again I most likely won't include aapc as it was extra work. The next event is NaPm where we write a poem for each day in april. This will most likely be a big success as well. Enjoy your continued disruption of this group instead.

[Will Dockery]

Talk about being a "Disruptor", you could be projecting just a wee bit,
Horatio?

I'm posting poetry on these newsgroups, I haven't seen one from you here in,
what, months?

--
"I know that my true friend will appear after my death, and my sweetheart
died before I was born." -Tanaka Katsumi (via Harlan Ellison)

Check out "Chattahoochee Sunset / Will Dockery, Brian Mallard & Jack
Snipe" - http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/11459910

[Will Dockery]

J. Corey Connor wrote:
> Thank you for such an excellent explication of your reasoning.
> Enjoy your group, and April, and NaPM, and all good things.
> I'll probably just be here or dead or something. Take it easy.

Jeeze, Corey, hope you get to feeling better soon.

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

On Monday, March 24, 2014 10:24:24 AM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:
> qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:
> > On Monday, March 24, 2014 3:17:04 AM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:
>
> > > Now what do you say about a "Disruptor", Horatio?
>
> >
>
> > > Just curious.
>
> >
>
> > Peter was an excellent participator. I consider the game a big success.
>
> > Everyone who participated considers it a success. People who didn't
> > participate don't which suggest I made the correct decisions. If I do it
> > again I most likely won't include aapc as it was extra work. The next
> > event is NaPm where we write a poem for each day in april. This will most
> > likely be a big success as well. Enjoy your continued disruption of this
> > group instead.
>
> Talk about being a "Disruptor", you could be projecting just a wee bit,
>
> Horatio?
>
> I'm posting poetry on these newsgroups, I haven't seen one from you here in,
> what, months?
>

Of course I am no longer an active participant in this group as, like the rest of the participants, I grew tired of the constant lies and disruptions and left for greener pastures.

Still, how much more dishonest could you be, posting in a thread that contains a brand new original poem by me as well as 11 other brand new original poems that I brought to this group. Even not being an active participant I brought more fresh original poetry and commentary to this group in this month than every other participant combined!

[Will Dockery]

qwerty... wrote:
>
> posting in a thread that contains a brand new original poem by me

Oh, sorry, Horatio...

I didn't notice a poem by you in this thread, I'm still reading and re-writing them as anonymous works, as the rules of the game dictate.

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

On Monday, March 24, 2014 10:06:06 AM UTC-4, qwerty...@gmail.com wrote:

> I consider the game a big success. Everyone who participated considers it a success. People who didn't participate don't which suggest I made the correct decisions. If I do it again I most likely won't include aapc as it was extra work.
>

I'm sorry to hear that, Horatio.

I enjoyed reading the entries in your game. I only wish that you had opened it up to those of us who aren't members of your group, as I would have enjoyed participating as well.

[Will Dockery]

Michael wrote:

> qwerty... wrote:
>
> > I consider the game a big success. Everyone who participated considers it a success. People who didn't participate don't which suggest I made the correct decisions. If I do it again I most likely won't include aapc as it was extra work.
>
> I'm sorry to hear that, Horatio.
>
> I enjoyed reading the entries in your game. I only wish that you had opened it up to those of us who aren't members of your group, as I would have enjoyed participating as well.

Michael, the problem is that Horatio (Qwerty) shut just about every regular member of the alt.arts.poetry.comments newsgroup from participating (Dance, Corey & myself in specific), although he might have allowed you (if PJR consented).

In the meantime, I've proposed the "Poetry Cellphone" exercise, which is text messages written as haiku, and lately, transformations of the poems posted here, as the "Poetry Telephone" was originally concieved.

My entry, thus far:

qwertyh123456 wrote:

"If anyone from AAPC is interested, respond to this thread and I will add your name to the current list."

Here's mine, still in progress... comments and critique welcome, as always:

Cellphone Haiku (thus far)

Slightly clumsy
little purple mountains
in her sketchbook.

In a vacant hall
a cellphone rings
on vibrate.

In Tennessee honey
pale blue eyes swim
with spiced tears.

Stations of the cross
leak salty water
iron fists in yellow snow.

Pink handkerchief sunset
jiggling boob clouds
purple mountains rising.

-Will Dockery

Hope you and the others find the time to join in, Michael!

[qwerty...@gmail.com]

when I run games on AAPC I always leave them open to the general population as it is an unmoderated forum. Being that this game was actually being run on a moderated forum it seemed best to control membership to limit disruption of the game.

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

On Monday, March 24, 2014 1:19:32 PM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:

> In the meantime, I've proposed the "Poetry Cellphone" exercise, which is text messages written as haiku, and lately, transformations of the poems posted here, as the "Poetry Telephone" was originally concieved.
>

Thanks, Will. I'd be happy to join ... except that I'm one of those people who just don't get what a haiku is. Even after looking it up on Wikipedia.

[Will Dockery]

qwertyh123456 wrote in message
news:0e6927cc-d9fa-437e...@googlegroups.com...
> Michael wrote:

>> qwerty... wrote:
>>
>> > I consider the game a big success. Everyone who participated considers
>> > it a success. People who didn't participate don't which suggest I made
>> > the correct decisions. If I do it again I most likely won't include
>> > aapc as it was extra work.
>>
>> I'm sorry to hear that, Horatio.
>>
>> I enjoyed reading the entries in your game. I only wish that you had
>> opened it up to those of us who aren't members of your group, as I would
>> have enjoyed participating as well.
>
> when I run games on AAPC I always leave them open to the general
> population as it is an unmoderated forum. Being that this game was
> actually being run on a moderated forum it seemed best to control
> membership to limit disruption of the game.

Unfortunately, the way you handled that made you end up looking like PJR's
(your word comes to mind)... "Toady".

toad暄
'tode/noun
1.. 1.a person who behaves obsequiously to someone important.
synonyms: sycophant, brown-noser, lickspittle, flatterer, flunky,
lackey, trained seal, doormat, stooge, cringer; More

verb
1.. 1.act in an obsequious way.
"she imagined him toadying to his rich clients"
synonyms: grovel to, ingratiate oneself with, be obsequious to,
kowtow to, pander to, crawl to, truckle to, bow and scrape to, curry favor
with, make up to, fawn on/over, slaver over, flatter, adulate, suck up to,
lick the boots of, butter up

2.. 1.. Toady - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster
Dictionary
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/toady?a.. b.. c.. Merriam-Webster
a person who praises and helps powerful people in order to get their
approval. plural toad搏es. Full Definition of TOADY. : one who flatters in
the hope of gaining ...
2.. toady - definition of toady by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus
...
www.thefreedictionary.com/toady?a.. b.. c.. TheFreeDictionary.com
A person who flatters or defers to others for self-serving reasons; a
sycophant. tr. & intr.v. toad搏ed, toad暄搏ng, toad搏es. To be a toady to or
behave like a toady.
?Toadying - ?Toadyism - ?Toadyish
3.. And so it goes.
--
3.. Check out "Red Lipped Stranger / Will Dockery & Shadowville
All-Stars" -http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/8798203

[michaelmalef...@gmail.com]

> when I run games on AAPC I always leave them open to the general population as it is an unmoderated forum. Being that this game was actually being run on a moderated forum it seemed best to control membership to limit disruption of the game.
>

Ever consider giving AAPC another try? I didn't notice any disruptions by non-participants as your game was being cross-posted here.

Even those members you'd excluded contributed only well thought out, and non-confrontational, commentaries.