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A Few Words from Pastor Bryan
...and my son Sam and his family
I was able to spend some time with my son Sam and his family in Ft. Collins, Colorado during my May Sabbatical month. He just turned 40 on May 10th. Wow. Yeah. The years do fly by.
As Father's Day approaches this weekend, I'm fresh off the joy of just watching my son be a father to his two sons. Jack turns 10 this week and Arthur is 5. There's no one magic moment that sticks out really. Just lots of kind, gentle, loving interactions I got to watch and soak in and be a part of. And sure, I was there just long enough to catch some moments of tension and conflict as well--they are real people with a real family after all.
Sam is a lot more "inward" and reserved than my daughter Emma. He doesn't extend himself all that easily to others, and he doesn't "suffer fools" easily either. Even as a child he could be thrown off center pretty easily by someone else's, well, "stupidity." Sam is REALLY smart. Not everyone else is. He was often offended by that. I say that with a smile on my face. You had to know him to get the humor in that. But people just kind of had a tendency to annoy him because they "should get a clue!"--it made it kind of difficult to be Sam in a lot of ways. Being around people just seemed take more from him than it gave to him. He was pretty much wired that way from the get-go.
Somehow, by the grace of God (though he might use other language), Sam began to realize that it was time for him to evolve a bit. He caught himself being a jerk (his word) far too often to people by the time he was reaching the end of college. He didn't like the way it made him feel about himself, and he could tell he was often hurting people unnecessarily. He didn't want to hurt people, but they just annoyed him so much!
So he made a decision to change. He and I talked about it from time to time. I admired his self-awareness. He pushed himself out of his comfort zone, and it was amazing how "life" (I might use other language) tended to bring him the people and circumstances he needed to grow. Because he wanted to grow.
Sam's always been spiritual in his own soulful and beautiful way, but as he often put it, he's never been ready to make a commitment to following Jesus or any particular spiritual path. He's always said he has too much respect for Jesus, for God (whoever or whatever God is), and for people he knows who embrace their spiritual path with all their heart to pretend that he's a serious spiritual seeker. So he doesn't pretend. But he has been a seeker. In his own way. And from time to time, he asks for help with it. In his own way. He's kind of private about that.
I watched Sam with his sons a couple of weeks ago. I watched him comfort Jack one time when Jack had a "crumple" as we've always called it in our family. I can't remember what the crumple was about. But Jack was really upset. He'd been out in the neighborhood playing and someone had done something that was unfair and unkind to him. Someone had been a jerk to him. He came unglued. Sam picked him up and held him with such tenderness and love it brought a tear to my eye. I listened to him honor Jack's feelings and talk him through it all until the world was safe enough for Jack to go back outside and risk facing the neighborhood once again.
It was beautiful watching Sam father his son in that way. His ability to talk to Jack about how people and life aren't always fair, but how sometimes we need to not hold it against people because we don't really even know why they say what they say. Maybe they were having a hard day, and maybe they didn't even mean to be hurtful. Or if they did, well, we know who we are anyway, and we're not going to give them the power to make us feel bad about ourselves. His kind, strong, father love just wrapped around his son like a warm blanket.
Very early the next morning, Sam was at the hospital where he works the night shift as a nurse. His wife was still in bed sleeping, and Jack and I were up first, reading in the living room. Little 5 year old Arthur woke up and wandered into the living room. He knew his dad was gone, and he mistakenly thought his mom was at work. And grandpa--well let's just say grandpa was "not the mama," and not yet someone Arthur was going to feel comfortable crumpling into. And so Arthur started to cry unconsolably.
Until... until big brother Jack picked Arthur up and put him next to him on the couch and snuggled up next to him. Jack put his arms around Arthur and started talking to him with so much understanding and tenderness it brought a tear to my eye. He honored Arthur's feelings and talked with him and read to him and got his mind on other things. He assured him that mom was home and just sleeping and that she'd be awake and with us soon. Before long Arthur was smiling and ready to actually risk facing the new day.
You know the more the years go by, the more I understand why the Dali Lama would say something like, "My religion is kindness." I find myself feeling the depth of the big, comprehensive statements in Scripture like Micah 6:8--"What does God require of you O human but to do justice (fairness), love kindness, and walk humbly with God," and Jesus telling us--just express your love for God by treating people the way you yourself would like to be treated.
My son and his family don't go to church or participate in any "organized religion." But the Dali Lama's kindness, and the prophet Micah's reminders of the importance of fairness, kindness, and humility, and the Golden Rule of Jesus are all FLOWING in that home and family. Yes, I do hope they find a sense of community and support in addition to their nuclear family, and that they continue to explore their spirituality in a way that's Real and True for them. And sure, I'd love it if they found a church that somehow opened up the teachings of Jesus and the Judeo-Christian vision to them in a way that is truly beautiful and life-giving.
But wherever people are loving and supporting each other as they do, and passing that down through generations because that kindness and love are the air that is breathed in that household-- Wherever dads and moms are embodying kindness and fairness and humility in such a way that it flows into the next generation and from sibling to sibling and from family to neighborhood...
God is Present.
Way to go Sam. You're such a good dad, and your dad is so proud of you. And the God I sometimes call Father, who taught me how to be a father to you, and who offers the Divine Embrace of Tender Kindness through your fathering love, and who is teaching your sons how to love each other and perhaps become fathers themselves someday... well it's all just too amazing for words.
And yes of course the Mothering Love of God and human mothers is beyond words wonderful too! But we're leaning toward Father's Day, you know...
Hope to see you all at church in person or on zoom this Sunday,
Pastor Bryan
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