It's common for estranged parents and their adult children to see different reasons for their estrangement. But both sides often fail to recognize the role of a slow but pivotal shift in American family life over the past half century: away from interdependence and towards personal growth, identity, and happiness.
“Deciding which people to keep in or out of one’s life has become an important strategy to achieving that happiness,” writes Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement who surveyed more than 1,600 estranged parents for his 2021 book. “In these times, the people we choose to be close to represent not only a preference, but a profound statement of our identities. We are freed to surround ourselves with those who reflect our deepest values—parents included.”
In today’s polarized culture, it’s worth revisiting Coleman’s article for The Atlantic, in which he explores some of the causes of estrangement—and the work, and value, of reconciliation. For unlimited access to all our journalism, subscribe for less than $2.50 a week.
