Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Sir Frederick
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Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
http://www.spectrumz.com/z/outsource_bush.html
June 27, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the
office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced
to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the
President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in
deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has incurred
during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The
cost savings are huge. " stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay." Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the
office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY,
thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of
$320 (USD) a month but no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will
allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position.
I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted
that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved
in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President
Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years, with
the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking
about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the
outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush
may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any
successful work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position at
Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking
hands, as well as his special smile.