kmgpost: Impressions of Going Home VII.
pa...@issoln.com
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Impressions of Going Home VIII.
This whole business of arranged marriages could be considered embarrassing
if one is sensitive. And I was expecting it to be embarrassing. As a
prospective groom one has to visit all these houses, and "observe" various
strange women. Perhaps it's the years of being away, perhaps it's the years
of working, but in reality the "pennkannal" - the observing of strange
women by strange men, is not without its charms :) The embarrassment is not
really there. One goes to a house. The parents welcome you at the door.
They make you sit down with everyone's eyes on you. Next you utter your
first words which are by the far the most crucial. They will listen to
every nuance, every gesture. You notice the younger sister and the brother
of the bride exchange glances : You have a tinge of an American accent, the
result of repeating everything two times to the Bell Atlantic Customer
Support people. You say it once normally. Then once more very slowly. So
that Americans can understand what you are saying. Gradually over time,
after you have dealt with Sears clerks, Mailmen and the Cable Guy, you
begin to say words differently. It is a insidious downward spiral. So
gradual, you will never know it for what it is until its too late, and you
find yourself saying "Phir-st" instead of "Fust" when you mean second to
none.
So the sister and brother secretly smile, but your all seeing,
pre-kanne-kedde eyes miss nothing. You tell them where you work. The
parents do not want to be hoodwinked by any desi engineer who claims he
works for the King, but in reality works for Burger King, no sir! Nonesuch
lafda will happen. Too many people claiming that they have 20 people
working under them and turning out to be Construction workers on the 10th
floor. So they want phone numbers. I heard rumors of some aspiring
bridegroom being asked for his social security number, and another for his
car license tags. People were getting Cynical.
So you tell them what you do for a living. The show no apparent reaction.
Gradually there is a tension in the air, building up. The Big Entrance is
about to happen. A curtain parts and a enter stage left is the blushing
prospective bride. Her eyes are on the floor at first. She brings in a
Coffee.
And achhapam her mom claims she made [ but which you know even the mom cant
make :) In reality they came from Appu's chay-pedia from town. They know
it, you know it, but it has been written brides must serve food they
cooked, to appear domesticated, so shall it be done ]. Your dad normally
steps in now and says: "molle ivide irikyu..." The mol then gathers her
Saree around as gracefully as she can manage. She has a secret smile on her
face which she passes off as a blush. She is probably thinking "Hmm so this
guy thinks he can marry me. Ill show him whose who." :)
Then comes the phase where your parents sit down and trace out how they
might be related. I used to wonder what exactly was the reason why they did
this. Why did it matter if KunjuKochappuKuttan's Third Cousin once worked
at the local Muncip office where a stone fell on his foot, and people
thought he had filaria, and that at that point in time the doctor who
treated him [ mind you he was merely an ayurveda type, but did he know his
roots ! ], was the husband of Mathai's second daughter.
I asked why this matters so much. The answer was as shocking as the
possibility of cloning the mighty Keralasaur. It was because everyone was
worried we would be too closely related. Naadan eugenics. [ ok I'm kidding
:) ]
So then after some small talk, the Fathers decide its time the prospective
bride and bridegroom talk mano-a-womano. So they graciously let you go off
into another room, not too far [ in case you get ideas :), ok kidding again
].
The comic aspect of arranged marriages is balanced by the knowledge that
its deadly serious. Literally. In the catholic world, you marry once.
The church in practicality never re-marries. So however funny or
embarrassed or shy you are, you get down to getting the basics straight.
There are the obvious questions: Do you smoke ? Do you Drink ? Do you watch
Madonna videos.. :)
And the conjugate questions: Do you know how to cook ? Do you want to work
and maintain a career ?
What do you read ? Do you like movies ? What kind of movies ?
What type of visa are you on ? How soon would your wife be able to join you
?
After a while, my father would come in and say: "ok its getting late., we
have to be back by 6."
On the way back in the car is where the weeding out happens.
You discuss everything.
Likewise back at the ranch, apu's handmade achchapams are being consumed
ruminatively over tea.
We made a few trips to cochin, madras and bangalore during this quest.
Driving in kerala is a nightmare. The section between aaluva and cochin is
terrible !
At one point a auto-driver cut in ahead of us suddenly. Our maruti ripped
off the bumper at his rear. He claimed it was our fault and tried to follow
us. Dad is brave and in his best army manner told him to march away in the
other direction.
[ .... To be contnued ..... ]
[ comments to ica...@access.digex.net ]
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Jose Thomas Thekkumthala
>Impressions of Going Home VIII.
>
> but in reality the "pennkannal" - the observing of strange
>women by strange men, is not without its charms :)
PeNNuKaNal(PK) presumably could be compared to blind date prevalent
in the western society. The similarity exists in meeting a
complete stranger and initiating a relationship. The contrast
exists in the fact that PK could culminate in immediate
marriage, whereas blind date could trigger a prolonged
courtship which might not end up in a marriage. However,
assuming that blind date culminates in a marriage eventually,
the contrast withers away if we can consider the initial
few years of Kerala marriage as prolonged dating period, which
is probably what it is for all intents and purposes.
>And achhapam her mom claims she made [ but which you know even the mom cant
>make :) In reality they came from Appu's chay-pedia from town.
>
Many an Appu can make or break a marriage!
>
>I asked why this matters so much. The answer was as shocking as the
>possibility of cloning the mighty Keralasaur. It was because everyone was
>worried we would be too closely related. Naadan eugenics. [ ok I'm kidding
>:) ]
>
Now, I like this part. Keralasaur, the reputed ancestor of all
Malayalees is the unifying link. All malayalee geneologies
may be traced to this animal. So could all the members of the
Dinosaur family.
Jose
Gopakumar Venugopalan
pa...@issoln.com wrote:
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: Impressions of Going Home VIII.
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: This whole business of arranged marriages could be considered embarrassing
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: [ .... To be contnued ..... ]
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:
: [ comments to ica...@access.digex.net ]
(Pedestrian travails to the matrimonial land deleted...)
Hmm..Paul what happened to your Neo-Kafkesque flights of fantasy.
It seems to be a honest and first person account which is unlike you.
Curiously last year when I went to see my wife for the first time, her
maternal uncle wanted to know " How far Tuscaloosa was from NYC"?
I told him that before I had embarked on the voyage my roomie cautioned
about an anecdote from the movie Akarre Akkarre." In that movie Srinivasan
says that Miami Beach is miles and miles away from DC. I quoted that and
said that little did I realize that similar fate would befall me.
Anyway the stars in the heavens exert mysterious forces.
regards:
Sathyadev Ramachandran
|> : [ comments to ica...@access.digex.net ]
|> (Pedestrian travails to the matrimonial land deleted...)
|>
|> Hmm..Paul what happened to your Neo-Kafkesque flights of fantasy.
|> It seems to be a honest and first person account which is unlike you.
|>
I felt the same when I read Paul's article. Very unlike his
early ones...Good to see that old time regulars are still around.
As for me I was always in read-only mode ;-)
Dev
---------------------------------------------------------------
son: "what's physics pa ?" | DEV |
Dad: "It's about Symmetry principles, son." | (630)-840-3718 |
son: "Hmm....wonder what that means !" |_________________|
Austin Pereira
In article <5gejuq$h...@hobbes.cc.uga.edu>,
Gopakumar Venugopalan <char...@arches.uga.edu> wrote:
>pa...@issoln.com wrote:
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Welcome back Gopa.
Great to see you back.
- Austin