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alt.tv.mad-about-you Episode Guide for Season #4

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Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season4
Posting-frequency: quarterly
Last-modified: 97-01-05
Version: 5.1
URL: http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~witelski/may-eg4.html
Copyright: (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ra...@ultranet.com]


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Episode Guide for Season #4 of "Mad About You"
for the Usenet newsgroup alt.tv.mad-about-you

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Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season4
Posting-frequency: quarterly
Last-modified: 97-01-05
Version: 5.1

----------------------------------------------------------------

This Episode Guide for the TV Comedy show "Mad About You" is,
as a collection of information,
Copyright (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ra...@ultranet.com].
All Rights Reserved.

This document may be freely distributed in electronic form for
personal use only, provided it is distributed in its entirety
and with all original author and copyright information intact.
Distribution by any other means must be by permission of the
copyright holder. This material is for non-commercial use only
and any sale for profit is expressly forbidden. It may not be
included in any commercial documents, archives or CD-ROMs, nor
uploaded to any BBS or online service without the permission
of the copyright holder. The removal of this copyright notice
is prohibited.

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The MAY Episode Guides:

Episode Guide for Season #1
Episode Guide for Season #2
Episode Guide for Season #3
Episode Guide for Season #4
Episode Guide for Season #5

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The Fourth Season

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Table of Contents

Cast of Characters
Supporting Characters
The Production Team

4.1 (401) 95-09-24 New Sleep-walking PLUS [Season Opener]
4.2 (402) 95-10-01 The Parking Space
4.3 (403) 95-10-29 The Good, the Bad and the Not-So-Appealing
4.4 (404) 95-11-05 I Don't See It
4.5 (405) 95-11-12 Yoko Said
4.6 (406) 95-11-19 An Angel For Murray
4.7 (407) 95-11-26 The Couple
4.8 (408) 95-12-17 New Year's Eve
4.9 (409) 96-01-07 Ovulation Day
4.10 (410) 96-01-14 Get Back
4.11 (411) 96-02-04 Dream Weaver
4.12 (413) 96-02-18 Hot and Cold
4.13 (414) 96-02-25 Fertility
4.14 (412) 96-03-10 Everybody Hates Me
4.15 (415) 96-03-17 Do Me A Favor
4.16 (416) 96-03-24 The Glue People
4.17 (417) 96-03-31 The Sample
4.18 (418) 96-04-14 The Procedure
4.19 (419) 96-04-21 The Weed
4.20 (420) 96-04-28 The Award
4.21 (421) 96-05-05 The Finale (Part I)
4.22 (422/3) 96-05-19 The Finale (Parts II & III) [Season Finale]

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Telecasts in Syndication:

As of September 1996, episodes from this season are being
aired in syndication in North America, with approximately
1 minute of content snipped from the original telecasts
in 1995-96. Check your local TV listings for the station,
days and times of telecast.

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Cast of Characters

Paul Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Reiser
Jamie Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . Helen Hunt
Lisa Stemple . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne Ramsay
Fran Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . . Leila Kenzle
Ira Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . . John Pankow
Murray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maui

Supporting Characters

Mark Devanow, Fran's ex-husband . . Richard Kind
Burt Buchman, Paul's father . . . . Louis Zorich
Sylvia Buchman, Paul's mother . . . Cynthia Harris
Debbie, Paul's sister . . . . . . . Robin Bartlett

Maggie Conway, neighbour in 11-C . . Judy Geeson
Hal Conway, Maggie's husband . . . . Jim Piddock
Allison Rourke, Paul's boss . . . . Gates McFadden
Sid Novak, Paul's editor . . . . . . George O. Petrie
Hollis Pavelle, Paul's co-worker . . David Strickland
Lance Brockwell, Jamie's boss . . . Alan Ruck
Doug Berkus, Brockwell's deputy . . Bradley White
Nat, Murray's walker . . . . . . . . Hank Azaria

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4.1 New Sleep-walking PLUS [Season Opener]

Jamie is enthralled by it, Paul doesn't remember it, Murray didn't
see it, and Ira laughs at it -- another night and the day after
in the Buchmans' lives. Meanwhile Paul finds employment at the
Explorer Channel.

Written by: Paul Reiser
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Jamie warbling about the Copacabana.
Tag: Murray displaying his knowledge of the ABCs.
Words: Primal, violation
Keys: Belt removal with a bite, khakis vs chinos, Chino-boy at the
Explorer Channel, being groomed at Klarik's, breaking the
clock, saving the sales tax, cab-driver joke, begging
without words, Egyptian beer, never late (like a clock),
the sideburn distraction, the handshake and the situation
well-handled.
The debut of Allison Rourke.

- Paul: [moving from kitchen to livingroom to bedroom]
"Okay, so, anyway, so I tell her this is not the kind
of thing I was hoping to do right now. She starts
telling me about state-of-the-art editing facilities,
and ba-ba-ba-bah, then she starts talking about the
money, which is like, no-kidding-around, real money.
Plus they've got medical plans and there's like a
pension plan, then there's a plan with a "K" where
they put money away for you -- you've got to explain
this one to me! So I mean, I don't want to work for
anybody -- but I was thinking it's not really selling
out because it's what I do and it's... I don't know..."
Jamie: [tagging along, motioning toward the bathroom]
"Go do what you have to do."
Paul: [moving on to the bathroom]
"Oh ya, and I was thinking the people are really nice but,
I thought, do I really want to have meetings with guys
named Chuck and... [pause, returning from the bathroom
with the object of his enquiry] Hey! What is this?"

Guest Characters:
Allison Rourke . . . . . . . . . Gates McFadden
Cassandra, at Klarik's . . . . . . Bok Yun Chun
Cab-drivers' Union man . . . . . . Daniel Chodos
"We don't stare" woman . . . . . . Paunita Nichols
"What next?" grocer . . . . . . . Jeremiah Morris


4.2 The Parking Space

After a 4-year wait the Buchmans finally have dibs on a parking
space in a nearby garage, but still no car, and they soon manage
to reverse the situation.

Written by: Billy Grundfest
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Murray being told to put his clothes on.
Tag: Murray moving the Buchmans' car around.
Keys: Soap or shampoo (with mink placenta), or maybe
dish-washing liquid, smelling like Hawaiian Punch,
space #123 in condo garage, kicking the can, grabbing
the cart, potential capital gain, loofah rub, Fran and
Ira using each other, the I-have-a-Dream speech, the
huge leap for Buchman-kind, the credit report, going
at it whole-assed, the lighter from the Canyon.

- Paul: "How could you let this happen?"
Jamie: "Excuse me?"
Paul: "This is all your fault!"
Jamie: "On what planet?"
Paul: "You... you gave entirely too much weight to my
argument. Do you realize, we have a parking space,
we don't have a CAR!"
Jamie: "Don't tell ME! *I* told YOU!"
Paul: "You... your job is to stop me from doing something
idiotic. Idiotic, I can do that by myself!"

Supporting Cast: Mark.
Guest Characters:
Leo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Schiff
Bank of Manhattan loan officer . . Wayne Wilderson


4.3 The Good, the Bad and the Not-So-Appealing

Inspired by a Martha Stewart idea, Sylvia organizes a high-noonish
tag-what-you-want lunch party for her family, complete with a
shoot-out in the kitchen with Jamie, except it is not much of
a contest.

Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Blissful couch-potatoes hitting a hair snag.
Tag: Sylvia mending fences with Murray.
Words: Rustic, eclectic.
Expressions: Zip over, swing over, jump over or scoot;
go over, pass on, or die.
Keys: Grocery list vs perusal, hearts of palm, never veal,
Farberware dish, low sodium diet (for two), singing
salmon or yodeling sharks, telling the family (and Sylvia),
no fights or friction, Sharon on the phone, knowing the ring,
couch-dating by slip-covers, Hyatt shampoo, the money clip,
Paulie's shoes and Jamie... Buchman.

- Jamie: "That's it. I give up!"
Paul: "All right... all right..."
Jamie: "Cultivate a relationship! What was I thinking?"
Paul: "Sweetie..."
Jamie: "I'll tell you the truth -- if she weren't your mother..."
Paul: "Then, then what?"
Jamie: "Then... something... very... very bad."

Supporting Cast: Sylvia, Burt and Debbie.


4.4 I Don't See It

At first Paul has a only vague notion he knows who Jamie's
interview at City Hall is with, but he figures it out and
complicates matters for Jamie and Fran just as they are
about to land an important account.

Written by: Brenda Hampton
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Jamie twisting an answer out of Paul.
Tag: Paul trying to out-do Jamie's trick, but hardly.
Words: Haberdasher, high-falutin'
Expression: "I'm the mommy!"
Keys: Expanding the store, the bra trick, book on public
restrooms, publicity for the mayor (forget the haircut),
3 words: movie, permit, coyotes, the incompetent weasel,
or pencil-pushing pin-head, zim-boom-crash, kippers and
chocolates in Nova Scotia (or on the boat), the exact
same example (in stereo), 3AM feedings.
The debut of Lance Brockwell.

- Jamie: "Wish me luck!"
Paul: "I wish you whatever is best."
Jamie: "What does that mean?"
Paul: "Well, if this job is meant to be, then I wish it
on you; if it is not, then I don't."
Jamie: "Are you wishing me luck or not?"
Paul: "I will say to you there is nothing you can say or
do that will make Lance Brockwell not hire you."
Jamie: "Thank you!" [she kisses him and turns to leave]
Paul: "Ask him if he knows who I think he is!"

Supporting Cast: Sid.
Guest Characters:
Lance Brockwell . . . . . . . . . . Alan Ruck
Brockwell's assistant . . . . . . . Wendle Josepher
Bernard, the "Titanic" guy . . . . Eric Christmas


4.5 Yoko Said

Yoko Ono is in town for some film happenings and Paul tries to do
something different for the Explorer Channel with her help, except
it is not his idea and he can't pull it off, not even after fasting
for five days.

Written by: Billy Grundfest and Paul Reiser
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Paul home-shopping for Three Stooges plates. ("Nnooh!")
Tag: Paul and Jamie and Murray and Yoko in bed, reading,
to the tunes of "All We Are Saying..."
Expression: "Wind-breaking project"
Keys: On falcons in the Chrysler building, or crop fungus,
going 0 for 9, a), b) and c), carbon-based life-forms,
shoeless at Yoko's, April 19th (not Patriot's Day), the
5-day fast, bumping Jacques Cousteau, Jamie's dance steps,
Armenian sandwiches, a fountain of ideas.
The debut of Hollis Pavelle.

- Ira: "You want to know what art is?"
Paul: "Why don't you tell me!"
Ira: "Art is the representation of that which the mind
can imagine but only the heart knows to be true."
Paul: "Where did you get that? Empire Szechuan?"

Supporting Cast: Allison.
Guest Characters:
As herself . . . . . . . . . . . Yoko Ono
Sycophant #1 (Hollis Pavelle) . . David Strickland
Sycophant #2 . . . . . . . . . . Monica Allison


4.6 An Angel For Murray

With Murray around the Buchmans are no dinks, so when Lisa demurs
they are obliged to hire a professional to walk Murray. And Murray
seems to prefer the newcomer to Paul.

Written by: Seth Kurland
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: The Buchman version of the national anthem,
sitting down.
Tag: Only an empty E.R. for Paul.
Words: Station, megalopolis, relieving.
Keys: ER shoot (with crew wearing clogs), Devanow-Buchman
or the other way around, or maybe Slater-Damski,
drama, trauma and frauma, six hours in Winnipeg,
wailing all day, sensitive/defective pads, the
meatloaf sound, tiny scissors and a toothbrush,
Jerry Vale's lullaby, office furnishings on the
free, the first rollover.
The debut of Nat.

- Nat: "... I mean, you ask anybody that knows me well and
they'll tell you voluntarily that Nat, Nat is a lover of
all creatures, great and small. Nat would not harm a gnat,
is a joke I enjoy making."
Paul: "So... so the answer is yes?"

Nat's double:

Furry Murray, F. Murray Abraham.

Supporting Cast: Hollis and Maggie.
Guest Characters:
Nat, the dog-walker . . . . . . . Hank Azaria
The Nurse . . . . . . . . . . . . Joyce Guy
The furniture mover . . . . . . . Bob Amaral
Mr. Fefvil, the neighbor . . . . Bill Saluga
Neighbor at the mailboxes . . . . David Steinberg


4.7 The Couple

Three lies, two shows and a realization as Paul and Jamie
figure out "why it will never happen" to them, or so one is
led to believe when their new friends turn out to be not
quite what they pretend to be.

Written by: Kenny Schwartz
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Watching the late-night TV fare, asleep.
Words: Flummoxed, pillage, plunder.
Keys: Taking Murray to doggy-park, early-50's Allison,
"Hello Dolly" and R.E.M. (and maybe Sting), 400-lb Artie,
on first-name-only basis, not the Jetsons or Stadlers,
vomiting in sync, the scarlet letter joke, rhythm vs
syncopation, the key to a good lie -- commitment,
Boutros Boutros-Ghali Buchman, the protection lie,
messenger issue, all the excuses, then the other part.

- Paul: "Listen..."
Ira: "So that's what you came up with, huh? Fat Artie
went to lunch? That's the best you could do?"
Paul: "I know, I know, but can I explain? Because
there is an explanation..."
Ira: "And y'know what's worse? I believed you!
I should have known better. Fat Artie and I go back
eight years! This guy lives in that chair. Fat Artie
doesn't go to lunch; lunch comes to Fat Artie!"

Supporting Cast: Allison.
Guest Characters:
Doug . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian McNamara
Didi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Waltz
Mischa's owner . . . . . . . . . . Fred Stoller
Spanky's owner . . . . . . . . . . Gilbert Gottfried


4.8 New Year's Eve

Paul and Jamie are obliged to spend New Year's Eve apart for the
first time, but strange happenings at Times Square have a will,
and a way, all their own.

Written by: Scott Silveri and Shana Goldberg-Meehan
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tag: Dick Clark planning the next New Year's Eve.
Words: Coifed, garbed, apocalypse.
Keys: Paul's wallet -- canvas with velcro or calf-skin
(but not eel), mid-night, champagne and Tom Brokaw,
glass of wine, 2 teamsters and thou, not a penny --
maybe a goat, Westside Free Clinic, Queen Anne style
chairs at Gracie Mansion, Canadian money, '79 condom,
first phone number (with French 7s), stopping a clock
(maybe), the 1-second holiday, the 2-minute note,
Kenny without G, Bill and Ernie, Tanglewood and Boca,
breathe, breathe, push, pull.

- Nat: "Hey, there!"
Jamie: "Hey, Nat."
Nat: [taking in Jamie's dress] "Wow, wow! Are you
coifed and garbed in an attractive fashion!"
Jamie: "Thank you very much!"
Paul: "How're you doing there, Nat?"
Nat: "Hey there, sir! No disrespect, Mr. Buchman, but
holy cats! She's going to stop traffic in that outfit!"
Jamie and Paul: [together] "Traffic... is what you stop."
Nat: [greeting Murray] "There he is! Hey there, sir!"
Jamie: "So Nat, what do you have planned for tonight?"
Nat: "Well Mrs. Buchman, and once again -- wow!
Ah, I choose to treat this day as I would any other day.
Say a Wednesday, or a Monday..."
Paul: "Or a Tuesday..."
Nat: "Sure, Tuesday, sure. I just never place much
emphasis on New Year's Eve."

Nat's triple:

Murray Tyler Moore, Virgin Murray, Murray the K.

Bill and Ernest's chain of names:

Robert Clary -->
Yaphet Kotto -->
Omar Bradley -->
Yanni...

Supporting Cast: Mark, Nat and Lance.
Guest Characters:
Brenda, at Klarik's . . . . . . . Kathy Griffin
Randall, Lisa's friend . . . . . . Willie Garson
Lily, Ira's friend . . . . . . . . Tracy Kolis
Bill and Ernest . . . . . . . . . John Capodice and
John F. O'Donohue
Mrs Velasquez, Joachim's mother . Bridget Sienna
Mark's grateful patient . . . . . Linda Porter
Sanitation Dept. man . . . . . . . Tino Insana
Telephone pageboy . . . . . . . . Randl Ask


4.9 Ovulation Day

Paul and Jamie try to time a love-in-the-afternoon rendezvous
back at their apartment, but his family shows up at the most
inopportune time, with Debbie springing a big surprise.

Written by: Victor Levin and Danny Jacobson
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Jamie guessing the price of Paul's shirt.
Tag: Maggie belting out "Rule Britannia" on the washer.
Words: Wow or wowie, Waxed and waned.
Keys: Jamie's medieval quality, unnecessary orgasms,
car-door slamming vs mother calling vs smell in the
sink, the egg beeper (beeping wolf), telephone sex,
Vermont with Joan, a threesome without a guy, playing
with boot at Monopoly, $1000 bribe, Run silent, Run deep,
Murray entertaining himself, the laundry room door-knob,
washing-machine thrills.

- Debbie: "You know, Joan is a doctor."
Sylvia: "That's supposed to make me feel better?"
Debbie: "I don't know Ma..." [leaving the apartment]
Sylvia: [pause, calling after her] "What kind of doctor?"

Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia, Debbie, Sid and Maggie.
Guest Characters:
Interested woman . . . . . . . . . Billye Ree Wallace
2-note tuba playing boy . . . . . Kellen Hatahway


4.10 Get Back

Jamie throws out her back during adventurous sex on the floor,
so Paul has to help out with one of her duties at City Hall
while also trying to get his father to see an optometrist.

Story by: Seth Kurland and Ron Darian
Teleplay by: Kenny Schwartz and Shana Goldberg-Meehan
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: A cold splash for Paul is not very satisfying to Jamie.
Tag: The WNBC Special Report is not satisfying either.
Words: Shan't, stick-to-it-tiveness, trepidation.
Keys: The 3 Tischs, the dissident, the return of the mouse,
the cheesecake, A to Z of ailments, the first letter is
always 'E', the unbelievable strawberries, Jamie doing
cal-cal-calesthenics, Nat's first language and Paul's last,
translation on the fly, especially of 'ook mok.'

- Maggie: [in the corridor outside] "Young man!"
Nat: [closing the door to 11-D behind him]
"Yes. Hey, Ma'am! How're you doing?"
Maggie: "Fine... there's a package in there for me,
a cheesecake from England. Would you mind going
in there and getting it for me?"
Nat: [hesitant] "Oh boy... ma'am, I'm real sorry, but
I consider that to be just outside the parameters
of what I understand to be my dooties, at least,
as I understand 'em at the present time."
Maggie: "But you have the key!"
Nat: "Yes, I do have this key, but I consider it to be
a sacred trust, the Buchmans were kind enough to
bestow this upon me, and to violate that just for
the purpose of retrieving a dessert item, hmm...
Boy! I don't know..."
Maggie: [considers him at length]
"Is English your first language?"
Nat: "Yes ma'am, my first, and God willing, my last."

Nat's doubles:

Jan Murray, Murray Slaughter.
Murray Antoinette, Murray Osmond.
Bill Murray, Murray-Lu Henner.

Supporting Cast: Mark, Burt, Sylvia, Maggie and Nat.
Guest Characters:
Dr. Mandel's receptionist . . . . Nancy Fish
Professor Gittelson . . . . . . . Leland Orser
Professor Ng Lieu Cho . . . . . . Jim Lau
Homeless at NYU . . . . . . . . . Otto Coelho
Guiseppe, the Baker . . . . . . . Peirrino Mascarino
Sophia, his daughter . . . . . . . Fabiana Udenio
Delivery man . . . . . . . . . . . Armando Molina


4.11 Dream Weaver

A night of cascading dreams, Paul's and Jamie's, featuring
ostriches and ducks and a party, with lots of interpretation
and a poem (and a half) by Henry Gibson.

Written by: Billy Grundfest
Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
Tease: Paul dealing with a stuck kitchen drawer.
Tag: The Laugh-In mob exiting, kleptomaniacs and all.
Expression: "In your dreams, baby! In your dreams!"
Keys: Kwanzaa for kicks, hawk for salad, Ostrich de l'Orange,
unwinding au naturale in Fiji, the "Oh" dreams, the ginkgo
nut (not!), February 12th (oh boy!), Laugh-In books and
the Frug, time or Thyme, horse shoes and dog pants,
Mylanta at 3AM, Fear - the new fragrance.

- Jamie: "Are you angry with me about something?"
Paul: "I don't know, dopey... it's your dreams!
You tell me... am I angry with you about something?"
Jamie: "Yes!"
Paul: "Okay... why?"
Jamie: [pause] "I don't know."

Supporting Cast: Allison, Sid, Nat and Maggie.
Guest Characters:
The waiter . . . . . . . . . . . . Frank Birney
As himself. . . . . . . . . . . . Henry Gibson
As himself. . . . . . . . . . . . Arte Johnson
As himself. . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Owens
As herself. . . . . . . . . . . . JoAnne Worley


4.12 Hot and Cold

Ira resumes gambling, wins a lot, hands out generous presents and
then takes a $4000 bath -- no problems for him, but not so much
for the Buchmans.

Written by: Kenny Schwartz and Danny Jacobson
Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
Tease: Jamie asking Paul about a tie she gave Burt.
Tag: The newly annointed ex-cons exiting the precinct.
Word: Pissy.
Keys: Cold hot oatmeal with cinnamon, or new old cheese,
Alaska and Tahiti in 11-D, Murray at the Equator,
the new super and doorman, eat food and burn calories
(in stereo), underground casino upstairs, egg-rolls
free for $200, unclogged pores, the retailing savant,
the fish story, the one call from the cell.

- Mark: [to Paul] "You know what I find?
You don't laugh at other people's jokes!"
- Paul: "Where is... where's your check-book?"
Jamie: "If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach him how to fish, he eats for a lifetime!"
Paul: "You know... don't you know there's a side of you
that no one likes?"

Supporting Cast: Mark.
Guest Characters:
Bobby, the bouncer . . . . . . . . Robert Costanzo
Johnny, the casino man . . . . . . Chick Vennera
"If I were a Rich Man" patron . . Andrew Gold
The dealer . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Yama


4.13 Fertility

Paul and Jamie embark on an organic fertility enhancement program
with Mark's help, plus a day-off at a fancy local hotel at Fran's
suggestion.

Story by: Liz Sagal and McNally Sagal
Teleplay by: Larry Charles
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Paul imitating Murray at the fridge.
Tag: The hotel clerk guessing Murray's pedigree.
Expression: "Nobody is going to say WHAT?"
Keys: Pyjama bottoms to work (how true!), periods or
exclamation points, the humiliating chair, yams vs
sweet potatoes, the Fur people of Djibouti (near the
Sahara? not!), quai or ki, the 50% decline in 75 years,
Murray with nose-guard, Buckman vs Boochmaan, popcorn
tossing, the last Buchmans and the last Pandas.

- Paul: "Let me ask you something..."
Ira: "What?"
Paul: "Does it bother you to know that if we don't procreate
soon, that it means it is the end of the Buchman dynasty!"
Ira: "Dynasty?"
Paul: "Yeah..."
Ira: "The Mings had a dynasty. The Buchmans have got a
puppy and a piece of fish in the freezer."
Paul: "You and I are it. If we don't produce an heir,
it is all over."
Ira: "If you and me are it, let me tell you,
it deserves to be all over."
[and there is more...]

Supporting Cast: Mark and Hollis.
Guest Characters:
Bobby, the lighting man . . . . . Tyrees Allen
The Slackton Hotel clerk . . . . . Patrick Bristow


4.14 Everybody Hates Me

Jamie tries a new look with interesting consequences, while
Ira feels betrayed at the love-game, let down by his quality
wing-man Paul who digs himself a big hole discussing beauty.

Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: Thomas Schlamme
Tease: On throwing out an asparagus tea-pot.
Tag: On the collapse of Mario Lanza, still serenading.
Words: Splinky, Tesoro.
Keys: Sei canoli, Aphrodite and Helen of Troy, al..though
from Paul, faux naturale hair, stress lines, Paul lines,
Debbie the accountant, near-monologue on dramatic beauty
vs sophisticated one, 6 hours 42 minutes (but intimate),
2 weeks 4 days 2 hours (but finito), extremely not broke,
the 7-year olds brawl, Gurkha wisdom, sfogliatelli or
biscotti, or dough-nuts.

- [All that preceded this, you've to see for yourself!]
Debbie: [after a pause] "So Ira met a pretty girl?"
Paul: "That's all I'm saying..."
- Mark: "I don't hate you anymore. Jamie doesn't hate you --
Jamie is just... she's upset."
Paul: "Why? Why would she be upset with.. that I like her hair?"
Mark: [reflecting] "You know... when I was in Nepal, I am
chatting with this sherpa about the question of why,
which in his language is pronounced "nchtem," and he
said, he said something very interesting -- he said
that asking the question why is like pulling one leg
off a centipede -- it gets you nowhere!"
Paul: "Why?"
Mark: "Because... for every question why the answer is
because, and for every because there's another why!"
Paul: "Yeah, but I've to understand.. why would she be
so angry at me?"
Mark: "Because... she's afraid that after she has the baby
[both Paul and Mark knock-wood on Riff's table], she's,
she's afraid that she won't be attractive or sexy."
Paul: "But that's so stupid! Why? Why, why?"
Mark: "Ah-ah-ah.. you see? The sherpa was right.
He was a wise man. A sage. He was a sage."

Supporting Cast: Debbie, Mark and Nat.
Guest Characters:
Guiseppe, the Baker . . . . . . . Peirrino Mascarino
Sophia, his daughter . . . . . . . Fabiana Udenio


4.15 Do Me A Favor

The saga of a daisy-chain of favors, triggered by the young
daughter of Ira's girlfriend wanting an autographed picture
of Hizzoner, and complicated by Paul and his fancy new camera.

Written by: Ron Darian
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Paul trying to cure Jamie's hiccups.
Tag: The Mayoral signing and a daisy-chain of IOUs.
Words: Futzing, chortle.
Keys: The "Fun City" committee, 2-button flippant blouse,
the unsafe Big Apple, steak and eggs for breakfast,
corn-flakes for dinner, stuffing the owl-shot, inside
a cab-driver's ear, $5/shot, geero or gyro, Chinese or
sandwiches, a little present from Paul, one phone-call,
blackmail vs stupidity.
The debut of Doug Berkus.

- Jamie: "If I can chair that committee, I can have influence
over policy and if I have influence over policy,
it will affect legislation!"
Paul: "And then what?"
Jamie: [pause] "I don't know."
Paul: "Everything is so political..."
Jamie: "It's City Hall!"
Paul: "I know, but it's so.. it's so political!"

Supporting Cast: Lance Brockwell.
Guest Characters:
Iris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kathleen Wilhoite
Sophie, her daughter . . . . . . . Tiffany Taubman
Doug Berkus, Brockwell's deputy . Bradley White
Arthur, Mayor's ex-campaign-mgr . Richard Portnow
The bar-fly . . . . . . . . . . . John C. McDonnel


4.16 The Glue People

The mix of Jamie and Paul, Fran and Mark, and Iris and Ira,
with call-waiting, split screens, a campaign commercial,
and dinner for six featuring a reversal of fortunes.

Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Guessing what their dermatologist is doing, at 10:30PM.
Tag: Paul giving directions on the phone, in the new NYC.
Words: Officious, mollify, indefatigable.
Keys: Cereal with a 'K', understanding crimes of passion,
the 5c increase in subway fare, renaming the streets,
kitchen to bedroom phone call, live-TV pantomime, the
announcement, Nazi argument, a-political propagandist,
the crushing mistake, Leni Riefenstahl, the field-trip
to Hayden Planetarium (but not to The Met), the bread
with the topping (what is it called?), Edmund Muskie
(poor man), marital pressure (from whom?).

- Jamie: "Wait! Before you say no, just hear me out!"
Paul: "Okay."
Jamie: [pause, totally at a loss] "PLEASE!"
Paul: "Sweetie.. it's politics. I'm not-- I'm like--
I'm against-- I'm not-- I'm anti-- I'm non--"
Jamie: [back in control] "You're a-political."
Paul: "Yes, I am a-political, I'm Switzerland.
You know what I mean? I don't get involved."
Jamie: "Switzerland would get involved under some circumstances!"
Paul: "Like what?"
Jamie: "Like if its wife asked it to!"

Supporting Cast: Mark, Sid, Doug Berkus and Lance Brockwell.
Guest Characters:
Iris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kathleen Wilhoite
Maitre d' . . . . . . . . . . . . James Lesure


4.17 The Sample

The next step in the Buchman Baby saga is trying to find out
if Paul is the reason Jamie is unable to conceive, and a trip to
the hospital is in the cards. But a cooler, the theft of their car,
a dramatic chase and the NYPD Bomb Squad get in on the action.

Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Jamie dealing with Paul's annoying noises.
Tag: The nurse helping a patient locate his container.
Words: Doable, dilly-dally.
Keys: The dramatic cooler (with a billion Buch-men, but no soda),
the return of the slow elevator, or the lift, picnic in
40-deg weather, Sidney Lumet and Al Pacino, percolating
or making decaf, Bobby Casuto's fastball, the depository,
Slap And Tickle, the chase and the wreck, Lisa and Sanford
Klarik (from Harvard, Yale and then Brown), Jamie and the
Betty-Boop song.

- Paul: "You think that actually could have done some damage?"
Ira: [smirks] "Well, Paulie, it couldn't have helped."
Paul: "Do me a favor -- don't mention this to Jamie."
Ira: "Why?"
Paul: "Because she'll get mad."
Ira: "Why? That you took a hard one in the grapes?"
Paul: "Believe me -- if we can't have a kid because
I was crowding the plate..."
Ira: "Paulie, but you were protecting the strike zone!"
Paul: "Uh, well, just don't tell her!"

Supporting Cast: Mark, Maggie and Hal Conway.
Guest Characters:
Russ Yanowicz, the male nurse . . Brad Garrett
The Truck driver . . . . . . . . . Vic Polizos
Man with coffee (and tea) order . Chris Bonno
Musician patient . . . . . . . . . Wesley Thompson


4.18 The Procedure

Jamie undergoes a minor diagnostic procedure and is quite
smitten by her doctor. Meanwhile Ira rescues Paul's job
at the Explorer Channel.

Written by: Brenda Hampton and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Paul getting a call from Andy Griffith (with an -ith).
Tag: Hollis tracking down the Unibal Talent agency.
Word: Ossified.
Keys: The Louisa May Alcott look, the full-figured wife,
corporate policy, new agent, Uniball with one 'L' (it's
Portuguese), big fish in tiny little pond, the big ruse,
a little base, maybe eye-liner, ugly surgeon vs handsome
podiatrist, Mark's ab-crunches, and the firm tone, Yesh
and yesh, the immaculate page, Chicago Hope without Mandy
Patinkin, unmasking Dr. Griffin, and the final yay.

- Jamie: [in a black slip] "Okay, how is this?"
Lisa: "Honey... black for surgery? I don't think that's
the statement you want to make."
Fran: "It's surgery, not a date!"
Lisa: "It's a date."
Fran: "She's lying there unconscious!"
Lisa: "What! You've never been on a date like that before?"
- Ira: [on the phone] "Vaya con dios."
Paul: [hanging up] "Yeah... I'm good and screwed."

Supporting Cast: Mark and Hollis Pavelle.
Guest Characters:
Doctor Griffin . . . . . . . . . . Julian Stone
Doctor Green, anesthesiologist . . Tohoru Masamune
Nurse, at the hospital . . . . . . Judyann Elder
Nurse, in the operating room . . . Karen Maruyama
Customer at Klarik's . . . . . . . Joseph M. Costa
Explorer Channel board member . . Ted Sorel


4.19 The Weed

Jamie tries to plan for a weekend getaway in Pennsylvania-Dutch
country, but Paul is pre-occupied with his current documentary
project about a weed to be interested.

Written by: Billy Grundfest and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Jamie trying her hand at a card trick.
Tag: Paul taking in the Ab-Flexor infomercial.
Word: Waft.
Keys: An address in Gettysburg, Quaker Oats and furniture
(or maybe Shaker), off to work in shorts, continuity
check, 2-hour lunch with Mark, then the weekend, 2AM
calesthenics, 4AM pie, a weed's POV, the 47th take,
the changed aisle #9, no belly-aching, street-savvy
weed with a nemesis (a cat or a crazed gardener),
buttoned-down brown-noser vs pain-in-the-ass,
getaway package in Mass., deep deep denial.

- Jamie: "I didn't want you to work for the Explorer Channel!
I wanted you to work for the Explorer Channel if
you wanted to work for the Explorer Channel."
Paul: "And if I didn't want to work for the Explorer Channel?"
Jamie: "Then I didn't want you to work for the Explorer Channel!"
Paul: "Well, I don't remember that part of the conversation."
Jamie: "It's true!"
Paul: "How do you remember that?"
Jamie: "I eat right!"
- Jamie: [pointing to the TV] "Look, a women's prison movie.
Very sexy."
Paul: "Who? ... the woman at the left, in the robe.. her name
is Mimsy. She's innocent, she's been framed. There's a
big climactic showdown in the shower. A whole lot of
blood, and a whole lot of tears. But in the end,
justice will prevail."
Jamie: "So you've seen this before?"
Paul: "Part of it."

Shopping doubles:

Sweatsocks and rifles, tetherballs and blowguns,
wind-breakers and hatchets.

Supporting Cast: Sid, Hollis Pavelle and Doug Berkus.
Guest Characters:
Bobby, the lighting man . . . . . Tyrees Allen
Explorer Channel executive . . . . Sherman Howard
Customer at Buchman's Sporting . . Amzie Strickland
Apartment dweller . . . . . . . . Harry Murphy


4.20 The Award

Nominated once again for the Silver Sprocket, a reluctant Paul is
coaxed into a tuxedo by Ira and expects to attend the ceremony with
Jamie at his side to counter the weasels from the Explorer Channel.
Of course things don't quite work out that way.

Written by: Ron Darian, Seth Kurland and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Jamie locating Paul's back-itch, higher and higher.
Word: Panache.
Expression: "And the early bird catches the cliche."
Keys: The Three Stooges, the tossed sandwich, mail for Murray,
the finger with grace and equanimity, yelling at Brockwell's
voice-mail, Radisson in Albany, with Rin Tin Tin to Syracuse,
The Gin Game at Croton on the Hudson, beer bubbly swap, the
date (big guy, tuxedo), 1000 o' clock, a tall glass of water,
Nature films (Non-mammalian), a weed and a dream - Wizard of
Oz speech, splitting a walk, Errol Morris and "The Thin Blue
Line," the loud voice in the head.

- Doug: "We have one hour."
Jamie: "What?"
Doug: "You. Me. Train. Albany."
Jamie: "You? Me? Train? Albany?"
Doug: [stuffing his briefcase] "Yes. Albany. Yes"
Jamie: "Doug, I'm really going to need a verb of some kind!"
[a bit later, as Doug helps Jamie with her coat]
Jamie: "You. Me. Albany."
Doug: "Yes. Must."
Jamie: "Paul. Mad. Me. Really screwed." [they exit together]
- Sarah: "I'm pretentious filmmaker Sarah."
Paul: "Sarah, I'm pretentious filmmaker Paul."
Sarah and Paul: [shaking hands] "Nice to meet you!"
Sarah: "I'm going to go back inside, smile and be phoney."
Paul: [momentarily stopping her] "Ah, let me see."
Sarah: [mugging for him] "Hi!! Oh, saw your film! Love it!
Love it!! Love it!!!"
Paul: "That's very good. Go get 'em!" [returns to his beer]

Supporting Cast: Mark and Doug Berkus.
Guest Characters:
Sarah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sofia Milos
Explorer Channel executive . . . . Sherman Howard
Customer asking for a bag . . . . Ric Edinger


4.21 The Finale (Part I)

After a week's reflection, and ignoring Ira's emphatic advice not to,
Paul decides to tell Jamie about his walk around the block with a
film-maker he met at the Silver Sprocket Awards, except Jamie blurts
out first the matter that has been on her mind all day.

Written by: Victor Levin, Billy Grundfest and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Expression: "Is this a bad time?"
Keys: Unemployed vs between-jobs, high channel number (57),
the clash on the 12th, Museum vs Second Avenue Deli (the
Abe Vigoda room), Egyptian nourishment, Fran's surprise,
Lisa's mannequin, The Temple of Dandur, The Kiss, the
stupid step-exerciser, missing pulse, Grand Union with ice,
or a hammer, the little bud vase from Provincetown, parade
of ringing visitors, a revelation and the silent walk to
the kitchen (and back), the other revelation, the scarf
and the mints and the chess-set.

- [the doorbell rings]
Paul: "Who is it?"
Mark: "It's Mark!"
Paul: [to the world at-large] "Man!"
Fran: "... and Fran!"
Paul: "Man!" [walks to the door]
[meanwhile, back at the dining table]
Jonathan: [to Jamie, with a tray of samples] "Hummus?"
Jamie: "Not so much!"
[and back at the open door]
Paul: [looking at the now kissing couple] "All right,
all right, all right! What is this?"
Mark: [bubbling all over, walking in with Fran]
"It's something isn't it? Isn't it something? It's like
we are teenagers at the Prom. It's like we're virgins and
we'd like you to know -- we wanted you to be the first to
know in person because this is not the kind of news that
you want to hear over some sort of... [pauses]
Is this a bad time?"

Supporting Cast: Mark, Hollis, Burt and Debbie.
Guest Characters:
Jonathan, the caterer . . . . . . Randl Ask
Sanford Klarik, Lisa's boyfriend . Billy Morrissette


4.22 The Finale (Parts II & III) [Season Finale]

Ira and Lisa try to engineer the Buchman reconciliation, except it
proves easier to resolve the scheduling conflict between Burt and
Sylvia's 45th anniversary party and Lisa's engagement party. Jamie
and Paul try to talk their differences out by themselves.

Written by: Paul Reiser, Victor Levin, Billy Grundfest and
Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Word: Pedestrian.
Keys: Cousinly mime talk, twist on "Twister," paraphrased and
proxied telephone-chat, Ira's gusto, Murray's custody, the
elevator ride with 2 stops, the "Dateline" job interview,
Murray and the toilet, Mai Tai with an after-kick, the hits
at the ka-ra-o-ke bar, Hank Williams' "The Cheating Heart"
and the kiss, Mayro the typo, Hula-hoops in '54, a beauty
parlor estimate, the $10,000 shift, the $60 attention, and
at long last -- the talk in the park and the walk about town.
And yes, the test and the smile, but not a wink ;-).

- Paul: "Well... can anybody think of anything more awkward?"
Jamie: "Honey..."
Paul: [pause, then to Jamie] "Oh, me?"
Jamie: "Yes, you."
Paul: [gesturing toward Doug] "Because, I wasn't sure."
Jamie: "Listen, I think it's --"
[Paul lunges at the control panel and stops the elevator]
Paul: [to Jamie] "You know what? I really don't think
you should say anything just now!"
Doug: [speaking up] "Okay, if I --"
Paul: "And I'm really REALLY sure of that for you!"
- Ira: "Y'know, in Europe this happens all the time!"
Mark: [puffing on his cigar, nodding] "Um-mmm."
Paul: [after a pause] "Where?"
Ira: "In Europe."
Paul: "Where in Europe?"
Ira: "Wherever you want, Italy, France! You don't think
in France this is happening everyday?"
Mark: [weighing in] "Oh, the French don't care!"
Ira: [hitting his stride] "This is what happens all the time,
every day, every minute, eh, what... [pauses dramatically]
Bingo! Just happened.. guy in Marseilles just grabbed
another guy's wife right in the croissant!"

Supporting Cast: Mark, Doug, Sylvia and Burt.
Guest Characters:
Joyce, Ira's girlfriend . . . . . Alessandra Petlin
Jane Pauley's assistant . . . . . Ann Hamilton
Sandra, waitress at Karaoke bar . Frederika Kesten
Kissing woman at Karaoke bar . . . Peggy Mannix
Sanford Klarik, Lisa's fiance . . Billy Morrissette
Zigmund Klarik, his father . . . . Ed Asner
Jonathan, the caterer . . . . . . Randl Ask


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The Production Team

Created by: Paul Reiser and Danny Jacobson
Executive Producers: Danny Jacobson, Larry Charles
Co-Executive Producer: Marjorie Weitzman
Supervising Producers: Billy Grundfest, Brenda Hampton, Victor Levin
Producers: Bob Heath, Paul Reiser
Co-Producer: Craig Knizek
Consulting Producers: Stephen Engel, Pamela Norris
Script Supervisor: Victoria Weisbart
Production Coordinator: David Craig
Costumes: Audrey Darin, Howard Sussman, Amanda Gore
Art Direction: Bernard Vyzga
Photography: Bobby Byrne
Editing: Sheila Amos
Sound Mixing: Peter Damski

Writers: Larry Charles, Ron Darian, Shana Goldberg-Meehan,
Billy Grundfest, Brenda Hampton, Danny Jacobson,
Seth Kurland, Victor Levin, Paul Reiser, Liz Sagal,
McNally Sagal, Kenny Schwartz and Scott Silveri.

Directors: Gordon Hunt, Thomas Schlamme and David Steinberg.

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