Saturday Night Live FAQ: General Questions
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/faq
Last-modified: 1997/02/24
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: General Questions
===========================================
Subject: Topics
What is SNL?
Is it really live?
Is there an episode guide?
Where is the show broadcast from?
Wasn't Steve Martin a player?
What is a "Five Timer"?
How do I get tickets for SNL?
How can I contact Lorne Michaels?
How can I get a copy of the "XYZ Sketch"?
Do any of the players have e-mail addresses?
Gilda married *who*?
Which star has been on the show the longest?
Who were the youngest and oldest hosts?
Weren't The Beatles on the show?
It's only x weeks into the season. Why are they showing reruns?
Didn't somebody get fired for saying "fuck" on the air?
Has anybody else said "fuck" on the show?
Who created Mr. Bill?
Who is the voice at the beginning of the show?
Didn't somebody else announce in the early 80's?
Isn't one of the former players royalty?
Who plays in the Saturday Night Live Band? I heard Paul Shaffer got his
start there...
What music is used in the "Roxbury Guys" sketch?
Who's in the cast?
What else have they been in?
How can I learn more about SNL?
Why is SNL so bad recently?
Subject: What is SNL?
SNL is Saturday Night Live. It is a comedy/music
television show on the NBC television network. It
is usually broadcast on Saturday nights at 11:30pm
ET. The show was originally called NBC's Saturday
Night because there was a show on ABC starring Howard
Cosell at the same time called Saturday Night Live.
The producers later gained permission to rename the
show. The "Not Ready For Prime Time Players" moniker
also came from ABC's Saturday Night Live actors who
called themselves the "Prime Time Players".
Subject: Is it really live?
Yes, it is broadcast live (except for a few taped
segments such as the fake commercials). There were
also two occasions when it was broadcast on a delay
because of the reputations of the hosts. These were:
13 Dec 1975: Richard Pryor (7 second delay)
12 May 1990: Andrew Dice Clay (7 second delay)
Subject: Is there an episode guide?
I have been working on one since about 1990, but recently
I haven't been able to give it the time it needs, so I
would recommend looking at Frank Serpas III's guide at:
http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~serpas/SNL/allsums.html
Subject: Where is the show broadcast from?
Studio 8-H in 30 Rockefeller Plaza, New York City. There
have been a couple of exceptions to this. During the 1976
presidential campaigns Studio 8-H was taken over for poli-
tical coverage and the shows of 23 Oct 1976, 30 Oct 1976,
and 13 Nov 1976 were broadcast from NBC's Studio One in
Brooklyn. There was also a special Mardi Gras show that
was done live during primetime from New Orleans on 20 Feb
1977 (which was a Sunday).
Subject: Wasn't Steve Martin a player?
One word: No. Steve Martin has hosted the most times,
but he was never a regular player. While we're at
it, neither was Buck Henry, although he has hosted
second most often. If you have seen a "Best of Sat-
urday Night" broadcast when Steve was hosting you
would have seen him listed alphabetically with the
players. This has led to some confusion on the topic.
Subject: What is a "Five Timer"?
People who have hosted the show five times or more.
This was given heavy coverage in a sketch on 8 Dec
1990 when Tom Hanks hosted his 5th show. Five-Timers
Paul Simon, Steve Martin, and Elliott Gould showed
up and welcomed Tom into the "Five Timers Club." The
other people who have hosted five times or more are
Candice Bergen, Buck Henry, John Goodman, Danny DeVito,
Alec Baldwin, and Chevy Chase.
Subject: How do I get tickets for SNL?
You can write to:
Saturday Night Live
c/o NBC
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York City, NY 10112
Their selection process is rather strange. According to Bill
Dennen, your request must be postmarked in August. All other
requests are thrown away. Also, the numbers of requests is
high, so you will be very lucky to receive tickets.
Subject: How can I contact Lorne Michaels?
Write to:
Lorne Michaels
c/o Broadway Video
1619 Broadway
New York City, NY 10019
Subject: How can I get a copy of the "XYZ Sketch"?
Several people have asked me this question. Unfortunately, I
don't know. The best thing I can suggest is that you write to
either NBC or Broadway Video and ask if copies of old shows or
sketches are available.
Subject: Do any of the players have e-mail addresses?
I have not heard of e-mail addresses for anybody related to the
show. But even if I had, I would be hesitant to give them out
on the net for fear the people would be swamped with e-mail. To
get in contact with anybody associated with the show, you should
just write to them c/o NBC.
Subject: Gilda married *who*?
GE Smith. Yes, before Gilda Radner married Gene Wilder
she was married to GE (George Edward) Smith.
Subject: Which star has been on the show the longest?
Phil Hartman started his 8th season of SNL on 25 Sep 1993. Kevin
Nealon has also been around since 1986, but he started as a featured
player. Also, writers and featured players Al Franken and Tom Davis
have been with the show for most of its run.
[Note - I know this needs updating. -ed]
Subject: Who were the youngest and oldest hosts?
Technically, George Carlin was the youngest *and* oldest
host on the first show, but let's not get silly. As of
this writing, Drew Barrymore is the youngest host in SNL
history. Here are the ages of the hosts under 18:
Date Host Age
---- ---- ---
27 Nov 1976 Jodie Foster 14y 0m 8d
20 Nov 1982 Drew Barrymore 7y 8m 29d
24 Feb 1990 Fred Savage 13y 7m 15d
23 Nov 1991 Macaulay Culkin 11y 2m 28d
The oldest host was a lady named Miskel Spillman. She was
an 80+ year old grandmother that won the "Anyone Can Host"
contest held in 1977. She and four other finalists (Richard
Canipe, Connie Crawford, David Lewis, and Deb Blair) appeared
on the 19 Nov 1977 show. Viewers were asked to write in and
vote for their favorite. Miskel won and hosted the Christ-
mas show on 17 Dec. The second oldest host was Ruth Gordon
who was 80 when she hosted on 22 Jan 1977.
Subject: Weren't The Beatles on the show?
Sort of yes and no. On 24 Apr 1976, Lorne Michaels offered
The Beatles $3000 to appear on SNL and sing three songs. Then
on 22 May he came on again and upped the offer to $3200 plus
hotel accomadations. On 20 Nov, George Harrison showed up
and tried to claim all the money himself. Lorne said
that if it was up to him, George could have the money,
but NBC wouldn't agree. When Paul McCartney appeared on
the show on 13 Feb 1993 he and Lorne were seen talking
about the offer during the monologue. Paul also appeared
on 17 May 1980. Ringo Starr hosted on 08 Dec 1984. John
Lennon never appeared.
Subject: It's only x weeks into the season. Why are they showing reruns?
SNL usually broadcasts three live shows in a row and then
takes a week off. Once in Jan 1976 four shows where done
in a row and it was so stressful they vowed never to do it
again. Sometimes it seems we're lucky to get two new shows
in a row.
Subject: Didn't somebody get fired for saying "fuck" on the air?
Depends on how you look at it. On 21 Feb 1981 (when the
show was doing very poorly) there was a running "who shot
J.R. Ewing" gag. At the end of the show Charlene Tilton
was on stage with Charles Rocket (who was playing J.R.)
and she asked how he felt. Charles responded: "Oh man,
it's the first time I've been shot in my life. I'd like
to know who the fuck did it." Needless to say, NBC offi-
cials were not happy. On Monday 10 Mar 1981, Jean Doumanian
(the post-Lorne Michaels producer), and most of the play-
ers were fired. Only Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo sur-
vived. There was also a featured player who accidently
mumbled "fuckin'" instead of "floggin'" during a sketch.
It was none other than our good friend Mr. Paul Shaffer on
15 Mar 1980. You can hear a couple of people in the
audience gasp after the mistake, but nothing much else
came of it.
Subject: Has anybody else said "fuck" on the show?
Yes, according to Jarret Cooper <jco...@uicslsw.csl.uiuc.edu>:
To the list of people who have said "fuck" on SNL, add Morris Day
(of The Time). The Time appeared on the 1990 show featuring host
George Steinbrenner (20 Oct 1990 -ed.), and performed "Jerk Out"
and "Chocolate". During the second song, there is a pantomime
about Morris going to a restaurant for dinner. At the end of the
song, after "dinner" arrives, the music stops, and in the few
seconds of silence before the "finale", Morris quite clearly looks
at Jerome and says:
"Where the fuck this chicken come from -- I thought I ordered ribs!"
Oh, and also (as detailed in the "SNL: Backstage History" book,
Prince did NOT refrain from using the lyric "Fightin' war is such
a fuckin' bore" during his performance of "Partyup" on the same
night as Rocket's "who the fuck did it" line.
Eddie Tillis <til...@icpsr.umich.edu>:
I remember a show where Tony Danza guest hosted (28 Jan 1989 -ed.),
and they did a sketch on stereotypical Italians (or "Tonys," I'm not
sure ). The last line in the sketch was Tony's and he said "Fuckin' A!"
William Lambert <wlam...@nations.ucs.indiana.edu>:
The sketch was "Da Brooklyn Academy of Fine Arts presents *Da War of
da Woilds*, and Danza's last line was clearly "fonkin' aaaay!!". Most
of the cast had been using "fonkin'" throughout the sketch; in fact,
one of the big laughs came from Jon Lovitz's obvious care in not saying
the other word.
Jim Henning <ujhe...@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu>:
Steven Tyler of Aerosmith sang "get the f---ing monkey off my back"
in their 1990 [17 Feb 1990 -ed] appearance promoting their album
"Pump". The offending word was silenced out for the rebroadcast.
And most recently Janet Jackson used the word "fuck" during her
her performance of "Throb" on 14 May 1994.
Bob <bam...@jpmorgan.com>:
There was a sketch a couple of years ago with host Joe Pesci. He
was a customer in a pinkie ring shop. He'd try on each pinkie
ring and then look at himself in a full-length mirror. He'd do
various poses with the ring, then move on to another ring. Each
successive ring would be accompanied by more and more elaborate
poses and gestures with the ring. By the end, he was miming a
conversation with an imaginary person, and the argument got heated
and he ends up mouthing "Fuck You! Fuck You! Fuck me?
No, Fuck You!", repeatedly. He never says it out loud, but even
a lousy lip reader could make out what he was saying. :-)
Sasha_I...@horacemann.pvt.k12.ny.us:
REM also used the word "fuck" on their most recent performance of
"What's the Frequency, Kenneth?". However, Michael Stipe had his
back turned to the audience. (This was 12 Nov 1994. -ed)
David C. Jones <djo...@ponder.csci.unt.edu>:
I'm pretty sure you have already heard this a million times now
since its all they can talk about now over on Rec.music.rem, but
last week when Stipe performed What's the Frequency Kenneth,
he performed the album version, the last line of which is:
"I never understood. Don't fuck with me."
Shortly before the line, Mike Mills gives Stipe this "are you gonna
do it?" look. Stipe smiles at him, turns around, and then says it
so you can't see his lips.
Richard Wells <rdw...@mmm.com>:
So there I was, perusing news.answers (was I bored? you be the judge)
and there was the SNL FAQ. I was surprised that my favorite example
of someone (almost?) saying "fuck" on the air was not present. In
fact, I think this pre-dates all the examples listed in the FAQ.
I remember a show from about 1979 in which the Weekend Update
segment (with Jane Curtin and Bill Murray?) had a story on the
first test-tube baby, or perhaps the first American test tube
baby, which was conceived in a hospital in Norfolk, VA. At the
end of the story, Jane Curtin made a point of making the final
mention of the city name sound as close to "Nofuck, Virginia"
as possible; if I recall correctly, the line was something like
to "And yes, this happened in Nofuck, Virginia".
Of course, I fully accept that my memory after 16 years is quite
possibly faulty, so perhaps other readers can fill in or correct
some of the details.
Will Pacer <2fd3p...@vmsb.csd.mu.edu>:
I just wanted to add something to your FAQ about who said "fuck" on the
show although they didn't come right out and say "fuck." They said
"cock" which I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to say. It was the show
with Rosanne and Tom Arnold and the musical guests were the Red Hot Chili
Peppers. Thei'r first song was "Stone Cold Bush" off the album Mother's
Milk and it can clearly be heard that they say
"When you smoke that rock
and suck that cock...you do it oh so well"
I'm thinking that this wouldn't ordinarily be allowed by the censors.
Will Pacer <2fd3p...@vmsb.csd.mu.edu> (2):
Just wanted to add to your list of those who say fuck...
I think it was last year when the Beastie Boys were the musical guests
and during their performance of "Sure Shot" Ad Rock clearly yells out
"Never quittin' so won't you fuckin listen?!"
Subject: Who created Mr. Bill?
Walter Williams. (I'll add more information about him in a later
version of the FAQ. -ed)
Subject: Who is the voice at the beginning of the show?
None other than veteran NBC announcer Don Pardo.
Subject: Didn't somebody else announce in the early 80's?
Yes. Mel Brandt announced the 1981-1982 season with
the exception of 5 and 12 Dec 1981 which were done by
Bill Hanrahan.
Subject: Who plays in the Saturday Night Live Band? I heard Paul
Shaffer got his start there...
Paul did play in the show's band the first five seasons. For more
detailed information on the band and its players, please visit Dave
Mackey's web site at http://www.cybercomm.net/~dmackey/snlband/
Subject: What music is used in the "Roxbury Guys" sketch?
It is a song called "What is Love?" by the group Hadaway. It is
available on Dance Mix 5 from Camelot Records.
Subject: Isn't one of the former players royalty?
Close, but no. On 15 April 1996 Christopher Guest's father died and
he became Lord Haden-Guest, or more formally the "Fifth Baron
Haden-Guest of Saling in the County of Essex in the Peerage of the
United Kingdom". He and Jamie Lee Curtis (Lady Haden-Guest) have
purchased a house in London and Christopher is now a member of the
House of Lords, although as of February 1997, he has not yet taken his
seat in the House.
Baron is a title of nobility, not royalty. You can learn more about
titles at:
http://128.220.1.164/heraldry/topics/odegard/titlefaq.htm
Subject: Who's in the cast?
Please see the posting "Saturday Night Live FAQ: Quick Bios".
Subject: What else have they been in?
Please see the posting "Saturday Night Live FAQ: Other Credits".
Subject: How can I learn more about SNL?
See the posting "Saturday Night Live FAQ: References". It contains
a list of books and articles about the show.
Subject: Why is SNL so bad recently?
Flamebait! Flamebait! :-)
Subject: Thanks
Thanks for help go to:
The cast and crew of "Saturday Night"
Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad (co-authors of 'Saturday Night: A backstage
history of Saturday Night Live')
levy michael ( bs cmsc) <mle...@gl.umbc.edu>
Jonathan Frome <jhf...@unix.amherst.edu>
Jeffrey Neau <je...@cray.com>
Philip O'Connell <sha...@esu.edu>
Bill Dennen <WDE...@CCVM.sunysb.edu>
Dave Mackey <dma...@cybercomm.net>
Jarret Cooper <jco...@uicslsw.csl.uiuc.edu>
Eddie Tillis <til...@icpsr.umich.edu>
Matt Fox <ma...@belvedere.sbay.org>
Cader <ca...@aol.com>
William Lambert <wlam...@nations.ucs.indiana.edu>
Bob <bam...@jpmorgan.com>
MJA...@fac.cabot.nf.ca
Richard Wells <rdw...@mmm.com>
Will Pacer <2fd3p...@vmsb.csd.mu.edu>
Dana Holm Howard <dana...@ix.netcom.com>
Lonnie Wolf <lwo...@afceeb1.brooks.af.mil>
Subject: How to get a current copy of the FAQ
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/faq
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/faq.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/faq/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
'Weekend Update recognizes our responsibility to present opposing view-
points whenever we're in the mood.' -Chevy Chase (Saturday Night - 05/29/1976)
--
Doug Krause di...@lido.com http://www.lido.com/
"The circle is now complete. The Circle of Life!" -Mufasa Vader
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/quick-bios
Last-modified: 1997/03/05
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Quick Bios
====================================
This is a list of very short (and hopefully accurate) biographies
for people associated with Saturday Night Live.
Aykroyd, Dan
------------
Daniel Edward Aykroyd
Born: 01 Jul 1952 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Brother of Peter Aykroyd
Married Donna Dixon
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 26 May 1979
Writer
Aykroyd, Peter
--------------
Peter Aykroyd
Born:
Brother of Dan Aykroyd
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1979-1980
Writer?
Banks, Morwenna
---------------
Morwenna Banks
Born:
SNL Credits: Player Jan 1995 - Apr/May 1995
Belushi, Jim
------------
James Belushi
Born: 15 Jun 1954 in Chicago, Cook, Illinois
Brother of John Belushi
SNL Credits: Player 1983 to 13 Apr 1985
Belushi, John
-------------
John Belushi
Born: 24 Jan 1949 in Chicago, Cook, Illinois
Died: 05 Mar 1982 in West Hollywood, Los Angeles, California
Brother of actor Jim Belushi
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 26 May 1979
Breuer, Jim
-----------
Jim Breuer
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 30 Sep 1995 to present
Brooks, Albert
--------------
Albert Einstein
Born: 22 Jul 1947 in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, California
Son of vaudeville/radio comic "Parkyercarcass" (sp?)
Brother of actor/comedian Bob Einstein (aka "Super Dave Osbourne")
SNL Credits: produced short films for the first season
Brown, A. Whitney
-----------------
Alan Whitney Brown
Born: 09 Jul 1942 in Michigan
SNL Credits: Commentator on Weekend Update
Featured Player 1985-1990/91
Cahill, Beth
------------
Beth Cahill
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1991-1992
Carvey, Dana
------------
Dana Carvey
Born: 02 June 1955 in Missoula, Missoula, Montana
SNL Credits: Player 11 Oct 1986 to 06 Feb 1993
Chase, Chevy
------------
Cornelius Crane Chase
Born: 08 Oct 1943 in New York, New York, New York
Married Jacqueline Carlin
Married Jayni (Chase)
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 30 Oct 1976
Writer
Cleghorne, Ellen
----------------
Ellen Cleghorne
Born: in New York, New York, New York
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1992-1993
Player 25 Sep 1983 to Apr/May 1995
Coe, George
-----------
George Coe
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975
Crystal, Billy
--------------
Billy Crystal
Born: 14 March 1947 in Long Beach, Nassau, New York
Married: Janice Goldfinger on 4 June 1970 in New York, New York, New York
SNL Credits: Player 1984 to 13 Apr 1985
Curtin, Jane
------------
Jane Curtin
Born: 06 Sep 1947 in Cambridge, Suffolk, Massachusetts
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 24 May 1980
Cusack, Joan
------------
Joan Cusack
Born: 11 Oct 1962 in Evanston, Cook, Illinois
Sister of actor John Cusack
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 24 May 1986
Davis, Tom
----------
Tom Davis
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1979-1980
Writer
Dillon, Denny
-------------
Denny Dillon
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 15 Nov 1980 to 07 Mar 1981
Downey Jr., Robert
------------------
Robert Downey Jr.
Born: 04 Apr 1965 in New York, New York, New York
Son of director Robert Downey Sr.
Nephew of actor/writer Jim Downey
Married Deborah Falconer in 1993
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 24 May 1986
Downey, Jim
-----------
James Downey
Born:
Brother of director Robert Downey Sr.
Uncle of actor Robert Downey Jr.
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1979-1980
Writer
Weekend Update producer
Doyle-Murray, Brian
-------------------
Brian Doyle-Murray
Born:
Brother of actor Bill Murray
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1977-1980, 1981-1982
Player 1981-1982
Duke, Robin
-----------
Robin Duke
Born: 13 Mar 1954 in some city, some province, Canada?
SNL Credits: Player last show of 1980/81 to spring 1984
Dunn, Nora
----------
Nora Dunn
Born: 29 Apr 1952 to Chicago, Cook, Illinois
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 29 May 1990
Ebersole, Christine
-------------------
Christine Ebersole
Born: 1953 in Chicago, Cook, Illinois
SNL Credits: Player 03 Oct 1981 to spring 1982
Elliott, Chris
--------------
Chris Elliott
Born: 1960 in New York, New York, New York
Son of comedian Bob Elliott
SNL Credits: Player Jan 1994 to Apr/May 1995
Fallon, Siobhan
---------------
Siobhan J. Fallon
Born: 1961 in Cazenovia, Madison, New York
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1991-1992
Farley, Chris
-------------
Chris Farley
Born: 15 or 16 Feb 1965? in Madison, Wisconsin
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player 28 Sep 1991 to present
Ferrell, Will
-------------
Will Ferrell
Born: Irvine, Orange, California
(he is 28 as of Sep 1995)
SNL Credits: Player 30 Sep 1995 to present
Franken, Al
-----------
Al Franken
Born: St. Louis Park, Minnesota?
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1979-1980, 1988-1995
Writer
Garofalo, Janeane
-----------------
Janeane Garofalo
Born: 28 Sep 1964 in New Jersey
SNL Credits: Player Sep/Oct 1994 to Dec 1994
Gasteyer, Ana
-------------
Ana Gasteyer
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 1996 to present
Gottfried, Gilbert
------------------
Gilbert Gottfried
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 15 Nov 1980 to 07 Mar 1981
Gross, Mary
-----------
Mary Gross
Born: 25 Mar 1953 in Chicago, Cook, Illinois
Sister of actor Michael Gross
SNL Credits: Player 03 Oct 1981 to 13 Apr 1985
Guest, Christopher
------------------
Christopher Haden-Guest
Born: 05 Feb 1948 in New York, New York, New York
Fifth Baron Haden-Guest of Saling in the County of Essex
in the Peerage of the United Kingdom (since 15 April 1996)
Son of Peter Haden-Guest, Fourth Baron Haden-Guest of Saling and
Jean Pauline Hindes, Vice President of CBS from 1976 to 1986
Brother of actor Nicholas Guest
Half-brother of journalist Anthony Haden-Guest
Married actress Jamie Lee Curtis
SNL Credits: Player 1984 to 13 Apr 1985
Hall, Anthony Michael
---------------------
Anthony Michael Hall
Born: 14 Apr 1968 in Boston, Suffolk, Massachusetts
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 24 May 1986
Hall, Brad
----------
D. Bradford Hall
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 25 Sep 1982 to spring 1984
Married Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Hall, Rich
----------
Rich Hall
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 1984 to 13 Apr 1985
Hammond, Darrell
----------------
Darrell Hammond
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 30 Sep 1995 to present
Hartman, Phil
-------------
Phil Hartman
Born: 24 Sep 1948 in Brantford, Ontario, Canada
SNL Credits: Player 11 Oct 1986 to Apr/May 1994
Hooks, Jan
----------
Jan Hooks
Born: 23 Apr 1957 in Decatur, De Kalb, Georgia
SNL Credits: Player 11 Oct 1986 to 18 May 1991
Hutsell, Melanie
----------------
Melanie Hutsell
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1991-1993
Player 25 Sep 1993 to Apr/May 1994
Jackson, Victoria
-----------------
Victoria Jackson
Born: 02 Aug 1959 in Miami, Dade, Florida
SNL Credits: Player 86/87 to 16 May 1992
Kattan, Chris
-------------
Chris Kattan
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1995/1996
Kaufman, Andy
-------------
Andy Kaufman
Born: 17 Jan 1949
Died: 16 May 1984
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Kazurinsky, Tim
---------------
Tim Kazurinsky
Born: 03 Mar 1950 in Johnstown, Cambria|Lebanon|Union, Pennsylvania
SNL Credits: Writer
Player last show of 1980/81 to spring 1984
Kightlinger, Laura
------------------
Laura Kightlinger
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1994 to Apr/May 1995
Koechner, David
---------------
David Koechner
Born: in Tipton, Missouri
SNL Credits: Player 30 Sep 1995 to 1996
Kroeger, Gary
-------------
Gary Kroeger
Born: Cedar Falls, Black Hawk, Iowa
SNL Credits: Player 25 Sep 1982 to spring 1984/13 Apr 1985
Louis-Dreyfus, Julia
--------------------
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Born: 13 Jan 1961
Married actor Brad Hall
Won an Emmy for "Seinfeld" on 1996.09.08
SNL Credits: Player 25 Sep 1982 to 13 Apr 1985
Lovitz, Jon
-----------
Jon Lovitz
Born: 21 Jul 1957 in Tarzana, Los Angeles, California
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 19 May 1990
MacDonald, Norm
---------------
Norm MacDonald
Born: 25 Dec? 1962 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1993-1994
Player 1994 to present
Writer
Matthius, Gail
--------------
Gail Matthius
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 15 Nov 1980 to 07 Mar 1981
McKean, Michael
---------------
Michael McKean
Born: 17 Oct 1947 in New York, New York, New York
SNL Credits: Player 19? Mar 1994 to spring 1995??
McKinney, Mark
--------------
Mark Douglas Brown McKinney
Born: 26 Jun 1959 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
SNL Credits: Apprentice writer 1985 to 1986
Featured Player: Jan 1995 to present
Meadows, Tim
------------
Tim Meadows
Born: in Highland Park, Michigan
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player 25 Sep 1993 to present
Metcalf, Laurie
---------------
Laurie Metcalf
Born: 16 Jun 1955 in Carbondale, Illinois
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1981
Michaels, Lorne
---------------
Lorne Lipowitz
Born: 17 Nov 1944 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Married Rosie Shuster (divorced)
Married Susan Forristal (divorced)
Married Alice Barry
SNL Credits: Producer from 1975 to 1980
Producer from 1985 to present
Writer
Miller, Dennis
--------------
Dennis Miller
Born: 03 Nov 1953 in Pittsburgh, Allegheny, Pennsylvania
Won 2 Emmies for "Dennis Miller Live" on 1996.09.08
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 18 May 1991
Mohr, Jay
---------
Jay Mohr
Born: in New Jersey
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1993-1995
Writer
Morgan, Tracy
-------------
Tracy Morgan
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 1996 to present
Morris, Garrett
---------------
Garrett Morris
Born: 01 Feb 1937 in New Orleans, Orleans, Louisiana
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 24 May 1980
Writer
Murphy, Eddie
-------------
Edward Murphy
Born: 03 Apr 1961 in Brooklyn, King, New York
Married Nicole Mitchell, 2 children and expecting 3rd
Received Hollywood Walk of Fame Star #2067 on 26 June 1996
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1980-1981
Player 24 Jan 1981 to 25 Feb 1984
Murray, Bill
------------
William J. Murray
Born: 21 Sep 1950 in Evanston, Cook, Illinois
Brother of actor Brian Doyle-Murray
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Writer
Player 22/29 Jan 1977 to 24 May 1980
Myers, Mike
-----------
Mike Myers
Born: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1988-1990
Player 17 Feb 1990 to Apr? 1995
Nealon, Kevin
-------------
Kevin Nealon
Born: 18 Nov 1953 in Bridgeport, Fairfield, Connecticut
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1986-1987
Player 17 Oct 1987? to Apr/May 1995
Newman, Laraine
---------------
Laraine Newman
Born: 02 Mar 1952 in Los Angeles, Los Angeles, California
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 24 May 1980
Novello, Don
------------
Don Novello
Brother-in-law of former U.S. Surgeon General Antonia Novello
Born: 01 Jan 1943 in Ashtabula, Ashtabula, Ohio
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1977-1980, 1985-1986
Writer
O'Donoghue, Michael
-------------------
Michael Donoghue
Born: 1940? in Sauquoit, Herkimer|Oneida, New York
Died: 07 Nov 1994 in New York, New York, New York
Married: Cheryl Hardwick
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 25 Jan 1975
Featured Player 1975-1979
Writer
Head Writer
Oteri, Cheri
------------
Cheri Oteri
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 30 Sep 1995 to present
Pardo, Don
----------
Don Pardo
Born: 22 Feb 1918
SNL Credits: Announcer 1975-1980, 1982 to present
Piscopo, Joe
------------
Joseph Charles John Piscopo
Born: 17 Jun 1951 in Passaic, Passaic, New Jersey
SNL Credits: Player 15 Nov 1980 to spring 1984
Quaid, Randy
------------
Randy Quaid
Born: 01 Oct 1950 in Houston, Harris, Texas
Brother of actor Dennis Quaid
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 24 May 1986
Quinn, Colin
------------
Colin Quinn
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1995/1996
Radner, Gilda
-------------
Gilda Radner
Born: 28 Jun 1946 in Detroit, Wayne, Michigan
Died: 20 May 1989
Married GE Smith
Married actor Gene Wilder 19?? to 1989
SNL Credits: Player 18 Oct 1975 to 24 May 1980
Risley, Ann
-----------
Ann Risley
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 15 Nov 1980 to 07 Mar 1981
Rock, Chris
-----------
Chris Rock
Born: 1967 in New York City, New York, New York
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player 28 Sep 1991 to 15 May 1993
Rocket, Charles
---------------
Charles Rocket
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 15 Nov 1980 to 07 Mar 1981
Rosato, Tony
------------
Tony Rosato
Born: Canada?
SNL Credits: Player 03 Oct 1981 to 1982
Sandler, Adam
-------------
Adam Sandler
Born: 1967/1968 in Brooklyn, King, New York
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1991-1993
Player 25 Sep 1993 to Apr/May 1995
Schneider, Rob
--------------
Rob Schneider
Born: Bay Area, California?
SNL Credits: Writer
Featured Player
Player 26 Sep 1992 to Apr/May 1994
Shaffer, Paul
-------------
Paul Shaffer
Born: 28 Nov 1949 in Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada
SNL Credits: Band Leader
Featured Player 1977-1980
Shannon, Molly
--------------
Molly Shannon
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player Fall 1994 to present
Shearer, Harry
--------------
Harry Shearer
Born: 23 Dec 1943 in Los Angeles, Los Angeles, California
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player 09 Feb 1980 to 24 May 1980
Player 1984 to 1985
Shore, Howard
-------------
Howard Shore
Born: Canada
SNL Credits: Band Leader
Short, Martin
-------------
Martin Short
Born: 26 Mar 1950 in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
SNL Credits: Player 1984 to 13 Apr 1985
Silverman, Sarah
----------------
Sarah Silverman
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1993-1994
Writer
Smigel, Rob
-----------
Rob Smigel
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Writer
Smith, GE
---------
George Edward Smith
Born:
Married Gilda Radner
SNL Credits: Band Leader
Spade, David
------------
David Spade
Born: 1964 or 1965 in Birmingham, Michigan
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player 25 Sep 1993 to present
Stephenson, Pamela
------------------
Pamela Stephenson
Born: 04 Dec 1950 in Aukland, New Zealand
Married Billy Connolly
SNL Credits: Player 1984 to 13 Apr 1985
Stiller, Ben
------------
Ben Stiller
Born: 1966 in New York City, New York, New York
Son of actor/comedians Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1988-1989
Sweeney, Julia
--------------
Julia Sweeney
Born: 1961 in Spokane, Washington
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Player 28 Sep 1991 to Apr/May 1994
Sweeney, Terry
--------------
Terry Sweeney
Born:
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 24 May 1986
Writer
Vance, Danitra
--------------
Danitra Vance
Born: Jul 1959 in Chicago, Cook, Illinois
Died: 21 Aug 1994 in Markham, Illinois
SNL Credits: Player 09 Nov 1985 to 24 May 1986
Vitale, Dan
-----------
Dan Vitale
Born:
SNL Credits: Featured Player
Walls, Nancy
------------
Nancy Walls
Born: in Cohasset, Massachusetts
SNL Credits: 30 Sep 1995 to 1996
Wayans, Damon
-------------
Damon Wayans
Born: 1960 in New York, New York, New York
Brother of actor/comedian Keenan Ivory Wayans
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1985-1986
Wolf, Fred
----------
Fred Wolf
SNL Credits: Featured Player 1995/1996
Zweibel, Alan
-------------
Alan Zweibel
Born:
Cousin of "Richard Feder of Fort Lee, New Jersey"
SNL Credits: Writer
Featured Player
Thanks to:
The cast and crew of "Saturday Night"
Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad (co-authors of 'Saturday Night: A backstage
history of Saturday Night Live')
MSz <SZCZE...@idicl1.idi.oclc.org>
Jeffrey Neau <je...@cray.com>
Tom Nagy <syc...@bcarh4ce.bnr.ca>
Dennis Lee <den...@netcom.com>
Dave Mackey <dma...@cybercomm.net>
Ian Evans <ian....@bville.gts.org>
Michael Urbanski <mi...@rocky.sbi.com>
John Scott <j...@spica.ftc.scs.ag.gov>
Greenpeace -- DC <waste...@igc.apc.org>
Frank Serpas III <ser...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu>
Paul Park <bj...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA>
Debbie Pikora <pik...@rapnet.sanders.lockheed.com>
AJ489 -A. Joseph <aj...@delphi.com>
fir...@canuck.com
Jeremy Iwen <IW...@uwplatt.edu>
Dana Holm Howard <dana...@ix.netcom.com>
Tom Walsh <a...@netport.com>
Judy Wang <fy...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu>
Carissa J. Leeson <red...@u.washington.edu>
Scott Swanson <swa...@agora.rdrop.com>
Allen Kirshner <be...@freenet.carleton.ca>
Ana oct <ana...@aol.com>
Ralph Morse <Ralph...@msn.com>
Scott Schneid <schn...@mail.idt.net>
Ashw...@aol.com
Anthony B. Gilpin <agi...@pacbell.net>
Special big thanks to:
The Internet Movie Database: http://www.imdb.com/
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/quick-bios
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/quick-bios.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/quick-bios/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
--
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/other-credits
Last-modified: 1997/03/20
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Other Credits
=======================================
Saturday Night Other Credits is a list of credits for movies,
television, and other projects that people associated with
NBC's Saturday Night have done outside of SNL.
Aykroyd, Dan
------------
"2nd Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards" [presenter?] (1996.03.06)
"Kelsey Grammer Salutes Jack Benny" [himself?] (1995.11.30)
"Life of Python" [himself] (1989)
"Nanny, The" (1994.03.23)
"Psi Factor: Chronicles of the Paranormal"
"Superbowl XXXI Halftime Show" [Elwood Blues] (1997.01.26)
"Top Cops" (1992.11.12)
(radio commercials for "The House of Blues Radio Hour")
1941 (1979)
All You Need is Cash (TV) (aka Rutles, The) [Brian Thigh] (1978)
Blues Brothers, The [Elwood Blues] (1980)
Blues Brothers, The [writer] (1980)
Caddyshack II (1988)
Canadian Bacon (1994)
Casper [ghostbuster] (1995)
Celtic Pride (1996)
Chaplin [Mack Sennett] (1992)
Coneheads, The [Beldar Conehead] (1993)
Coneheads, The [writer] (1993)
Couch Trip, The [John Burns] (1988)
Date Night (producer)
Doctor Detroit (1983)
Dragnet [Friday] (1987)
Dragnet [writer] (1987)
Driving Miss Daisy [Boolie Werthan] (1989)
Exit to Eden (1994)
Feeling Minnesota (1996)
Getting Away With Murder [Professor Lambert] (1996)
Ghostbusters [Doctor Raymond Stantz] (1984)
Ghostbusters [writer] (1984)
Ghostbusters II [Doctor Raymond Stantz] (1989)
Ghostbusters II [writer] (1989)
Great Outdoors, The [Roman] (1988)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom [Weber] (1984)
Into the Night [Herb] (1985)
It Came from Hollywood (1982)
Loose Cannons [Ellis] (1990)
Love at First Sight [Roy] (1974)
Masters of Menace [Special Appearance] (1990)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (1979)
My Girl [Henry Sultenfuss] (1991)
My Girl 2 [Henry Sultenfuss]
My Stepmother is an Alien [Steven Mills] (1988)
My Stepmother is an Alien [writer] (1988)
Neighbors (1981)
North [Pa Tex] (1994)
Nothing But Trouble [Bobo] (1991)
Nothing But Trouble [J.P.] (1991)
Nothing But Trouble [director] (1991)
Nothing But Trouble [writer] (1991)
Nothing Lasts Forever (1984)
One More Saturday Night (executive producer) (1986)
Sgt. Bilko [Colonel Hall] (1996)
She's Having a Baby [Cameo at end (uncredited)] (1988)
Sneakers [Mother] (1992)
Spies Like Us [Austin Millbarge] (1985)
Spies Like Us [writer] (1985)
Spies Like Us (music video)
Things We Did Last Summer, The (1977)
This is My Life [Arnold Moss] (1992)
Tommy Boy (1995)
Trading Places [Louis Winthorpe III] (1983)
Twilight Zone - The Movie [Ambulance Driver] (1983)
Twilight Zone - The Movie [Passenger] (1983)
Aykroyd, Peter
--------------
"Psi Factor: Chronicles of the Paranormal" ??
Coneheads, The [Highmaster Mentot] (1993)
Dragnet [Phoney CHP 2] (1987)
Funny Farm, The [Stephen Croft] (1982)
Gas (1981)
Nothing But Trouble [Mike the Doorman] (1991)
Banks, Morwenna
---------------
Belushi, Jim
------------
"2nd Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards" [presenter] (1996.03.06)
"It's Good to Be King"
"Superbowl XXXI Halftime Show" (1997.01.26)
"Who's Watching the Kids" (1978)
"Wild Palms" (mini) [Harry Wyckoff] (1993)
"Working Stiffs" (1979)
? Who's Harry Crumb? (1989)
About Last Night... [Bernie] (1986)
Best Legs in the 8th Grade, The (TV) (1984)
Birthday Boy, The (TV) (1986)
Curly Sue [Bill Dancer] (1991)
Destiny Turns on the Radio (1995)
Diary of a Hitman [Shandy] (1992)
Homer and Eddie [Eddie] (1989)
Jumpin' Jack Flash [Sperry Repairman] (1986)
K-9 [Dooley] (1989)
Last Action Hero (1993)
Little Shop of Horrors [Patrick Martin] (1986)
Man with One Red Shoe, The [Morris] (1985)
Masters of Menace [Special Appearance] (1990)
Mr. Destiny [Larry Burrows] (1990)
Once Upon a Crime... [Neil Schwary] (1992)
Only the Lonely [Sal] (1991)
Palermo Connection, The (1991)
Parallel Lives (1994)
Pebble and the Penguin, The [Voice of Rocko] (1995)
Pinnochio (1983)
Principal, The [Rick Latimer] (1987)
Race the Sun
Real Men (1987)
Red Heat [Art Ridzik] (1988)
Royce (cable) (1994)
Sahara (cable) [Sergeant Joe Gunn] (1995)
Salvador [Doctor Rock] (1986)
Taking Care of Business (1991)
Thief [Barry] (1981)
Traces of Red [Jack Dobson] (1992)
Trading Places [Harvey] (1983)
Wedding Band (TV) (1990)
Belushi, John
-------------
1941 (1979)
All You Need is Cash (TV) (aka Rutles, The) [Ron Decline] (1978)
Blues Brothers, The [Jake Blues] (1980)
Continental Divide (1981)
Goin' South (1978)
Lemmings (stage)
National Lampoon's Animal House [Bluto Blutarsky] (1978)
Neighbors (1981)
Old Boyfriends (1979)
Shame of the Jungle (1975)
Things We Did Last Summer, The (1977)
Breuer, Jim
-----------
Brooks, Albert
--------------
"67th Annual Academy Awards, The - Cabin Boy Tryouts" [himself] (1995.03.27)
"Golddiggers, The" (1971)
Broadcast News (1987)
Defending Your Life (1991)
I'll Do Anything (1993)
Lost in America (1985)
Modern Romance (1981)
Mother [John Henderson] (1996)
Private Benjamin (1980)
Real Life (1979)
Scout, The (1994)
Scout, The [writer] (1994)
Taxi Driver (1976)
Twilight Zone - The Movie (1983)
Unfaithfully Yours (1984)
Brown, A. Whitney
-----------------
(Comedy Central writer)
A. Whitney Brown's Naked Radio (radio) [host]
Big Picture, The (book)
Cahill, Beth
------------
Annoyance Theatre (improv group?)
Carvey, Dana
------------
"15th Annual Young Comedians Special"
"64th Annual Academy Awards" (1992.03.30)
"Blue Thunder" [JAFO] (1984)
"(Corporately Sponsored) Dana Carvey Show, The" [various characters]
12 Mar 1996 - Taco Bell
19 Mar 1996 - Mug Root Beer's Foam Filled
26 Mar 1996 - ?
02 Apr 1996 - ?
"HBO Comedy Hour" (cable) (1995.10.14)
"Later With Bob Costas 3rd Anniversary" (1991.10.03)
"MTV Music Awards" (cable) (1992.09.09)
"One of the Boys" (1982)
"Wayne's World 2 MTV Special" (cable) (1993.12.??)
"Wayne's World MTV Special" (cable) (1992.09.14)
"Who Makes You Laugh?" [himself] (1996.04.18)
?? Hot and Bothered (music video)
Ballroom Blitz (music video) (1992)
Bohemian Rhapsody (music video) (1992)
Clean Slate [Detective L. Maurice Pogue] (1994)
Moving (1988)
Opportunity Knocks (1990)
Racing With the Moon (1984)
Road to Wellville, The (1994)
This is Spinal Tap [mime waiter] (1984)
Tough Guys (1986)
Trapped in Paradise (1994)
Wayne's World [Garth Algar] (1992)
Wayne's World 2 [Garth Algar] (1993)
Wonders of Life Pavilion at EPCOT Center - Cranium Command [Heart]
Chase, Chevy
------------
"60th Annual Academy Awards, The" [host] (1988.04.11)
"Chevy Chase Show, The" (1993.09.07 to 1993.10.15)
"Dame Edna's Hollywood" (1992.05.09)
"Great American Dream Machine, The" (1971)
"Larry Sanders Show, The" (cable)
"Life of Python" [himself] (1989)
"Proof" (music video)
"You Can Call Me Al" (music video)
(Doritos commercials)
(some Comedy Awards show in 1996 or 1997)
Caddyshack (1980)
Caddyshack II (1988)
Cops and Robbersons [Norman Robberson] (1994)
Couch Trip, The (1988)
Deal of the Century (1983)
Fletch (1985)
Fletch Lives [Fletch] (1989)
Foul Play (1978)
Funny Farm (1988)
Groove Tube, The (1974)
Hero (1992)
L.A. Story (1991)
Lemmings (stage)
Man of the House (1995)
Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1991)
Modern Problems (1981)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation [Clark Wilhelm Griswold] (1989)
National Lampoon's European Vacation [Clark Wilhelm Griswold] (1985)
National Lampoon's Vacation [Clark Wilhelm Griswold] (1983)
Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Oh, Heavenly Dog! (1980)
Seems Like Old Times (1980)
Sesame Street Presents Follow That Bird (1985)
Spies Like Us (1985)
Spies Like Us (music video)
Three Amigos! [Dusty Bottoms] (1986)
Tunnelvision (1976)
Under the Rainbow (1981)
Vegas Vacation [Clark Wilhelm Griswold] (1997)
Cleghorne, Ellen
----------------
"64th Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade" [herself] (1995.12.03)
"Adventures of Pete and Pete, The - Day of the Dot" [Sally]
"Adventures of Pete and Pete, The - Yellow Fever" [Sally]
"Cleghorne!"
"Half Hour Comedy Hour"
"HBO Def Comedy Jam" (cable)
"In Living Color"
Strictly Business (1991?)
Coe, George
-----------
"All My Children" [a judge]
"Doctors, The" (1963)
"Goodnight, Beantown" (1983)
"Hill Street Blues - Ba-bing, Ba-bing" (1983.10.20)
"Hill Street Blues - Death by Kiki" (1983.11.03)
"Hill Street Blues - Long Law of the Arm, The" (1983.10.27)
"L.A. Law"
"Law & Order - Conduct Unbecoming" (1993.03.10)
"Max Headroom" [network head] (1987)
"Moonlighting - Atlas Belched" (1985.12.10)
"Murder, She Wrote - Murder in Milan"
"Murphy Brown - Bob & Murphy & Ted & Avery" [Theodore] (1990.11.05)
"Night Court - Teacher's Pet" (1991.11.13)
"Remington Steele - Coffee, Tea, or Steele" (1985.??.??)
"Somerset" (1970)
"Star Trek: The Next Generation - First Contact" [Chancellor Avel Durken] (1991.02.16)
Amateur, The (1981)
Best Seller (1987)
Blind Date (1987)
Broken Promise (TV) (1980)
Bustin' Loose (1981)
Company (stage) (1970)
Cousins (1989)
Danielle Steel's 'Fine Things' (TV) (1990)
De Duve [Viktor] (1968)
De Duve [director] (1968)
De Duve [producer] (1968)
End of Innocence, The (1991)
Entity, The (1981)
First Deadly Sin, The (1980)
Flash of Green, A (1984)
He's Not Your Son (TV) (1984)
Head Office (1986)
Hollywood Detective, The (TV) (1989)
House of God, The (1984)
Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
Listen to Your Heart (TV) (1983)
Micki + Maude (1984)
My Name is Bill W. (TV) (1989)
My Wicked, Wicked Ways...The Legend of Errol Flynn (TV) (1985)
Red Flag: The Ultimate Game (1981)
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins... (1985)
Shootdown (TV) (1988)
Something to Live For: The Alison Gertz Story (TV) (1992)
Those She Left Behind (TV) (1989)
To My Daughter (TV) (1990)
Uncle Tom's Cabin (TV) (1987)
Crystal, Billy
--------------
"31st Grammy Awards" [himself] (1989?.??.??)
"62nd Annual Academy Awards, The" [host] (1990.??.??)
"63rd Annual Academy Awards, The" [host] (1991.03.25)
"64th Annual Academy Awards, The" [host] (1992.03.30)
"65th Annual Academy Awards, The" [host] (1993.03.29)
"7th Annual American Comedy Awards" [himself] (1993.03.03)
"Billy Crystal Comedy Hour, The" (1982)
"Comedy Salute to Michael Jordan" [himself] (1991.07.??)
"Comic Relief I" (cable) [himself] (1986)
"Comic Relief II" (cable) [himself]
"Comic Relief III" (cable) [himself]
"Comic Relief IV" (cable) [himself]
"Comic Relief V" (cable) [himself] (1992.05.16)
"Comic Relief VI" (cable) [himself] (1994.01.15)
"Comic Relief VII" (cable) [himself] (1995.11.11)
"Dinah!" (1975)
"Emmy Awards" (1992.08.30)
"HBO 20th Anniversary" [himself] (1992.12.23)
"Ken Burns' Baseball" [himself] (1994)
"Later With Bob Costas 3rd Anniversary" [himself] (1991.10.03)
"Midnight Train To Moscow" (cable) [himself]
"Muppets Tonight" [himself] (1996.03.22)
"Sesame Street's 25th Anniversary" (1994.05.18)
"Soap" (1977)
"You Look Marvelous" (cable)
(a birthday salute to Muhammad Ali) [himself]
Animalympics [voice] (1979)
Breaking Up is Hard to Do (TV) (1979)
City Slickers (1991)
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold (1994)
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold [producer] (1994)
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold [writer] (1994)
Enola Gay: The Men, the Mission, the Atomic Bomb (TV) (1980)
Forget Paris (1995)
Forget Paris [director] (1995)
Forget Paris [producer] (1995)
Forget Paris [writer] (1995)
Human Feelings (TV) (1979)
Memories of Me (1988)
Mr. Saturday Night (1992)
Mr. Saturday Night [director] (1992)
Mr. Saturday Night [producer] (1992)
Mr. Saturday Night [writer] (1992)
Princess Bride, The (1987)
Rabbit Test (1978)
Running Scared (1986)
SST Disaster in the Sky (TV) [flight attendant] (1977)
Sweet Freedom (music video)
This is Spinal Tap [Morty the Mime] (1984)
Throw Momma from the Train (1987)
When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
Curtin, Jane
------------
"3rd Rock From the Sun"
"53rd? Annual Golden Globe Awards" [presenter] (1997.01.19)
"Bob & Ray, Jane, Laraine, and Gilda Comedy Special"
"Comedy Salute to Michael Jordan" [herself] (1991.07.??)
"Cooking Classics" (cable)
"Creative Cooking" (cable)
"Dave's World" (1994.02.28)
"Kate and Allie" [Allie Lowell] (1984)
"Life of Python" [herself] (1989)
"Lifetime Applauds the Fight Against Breast Cancer" (cable) [herself] (1995.12.20)
"Retaining Laughter" (cable)
"Working it Out" (1990)
(some Comedy Awards show in 1996 or 1997)
(The Proposition comedy troupe)
Common Ground (TV) (1990)
Coneheads, The [Prymaat Conehead] (1993)
Divorce Wars: A Love Story (TV) (1982)
How to Beat the High Cost of Living (1980)
Maybe Baby (TV) (1988)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (1979)
O.C. and Stiggs (1987)
Suspicion (TV) (1987)
Cusack, Joan
------------
Addams Family Values (1993)
Allnighter, The (1987)
Broadcast News (1987)
Cabinet of Dr. Ramirez, The (1991)
Class (1983)
Corrina, Corrina (1994)
Cutting Loose
Fat Man and Little Boy (1989)
Grandview, U.S.A. (1984)
Hero (1992)
Married to the Mob (1988)
Men Don't Leave (1990)
Mr. Wrong (1996)
My Blue Heaven (1990)
My Bodyguard (1980)
Nine Months (1995)
Say Anything... (1989)
Sixteen Candles (1984)
Stars and Bars (1988)
Toys (1992)
Two Much (1996)
Working Girl (1988)
Davis, Tom
----------
"New Show, The" [writer]
"Trailer Park" (cable) [host]
All You Need is Cash (TV) (aka Rutles, The) [bodyguard] (1978)
Coneheads, The [Supplicant] (1993)
Coneheads, The [writer] (1993)
Date Night
Face of a Stranger (TV) (1991)
Feud, The (1989)
One More Saturday Night (1986)
Trading Places [Baggage Handler No. 2] (1983)
Dillon, Denny
-------------
"Designing Women"
"Dream On" (cable) [Toby Pedalbee] (1990)
"Night Court"
"Women in Prison" (1987)
Grace Quigley [Nurse] (1984)
House IV [Verna Klump] (1992)
Life on the Edge (1992)
Meet the Hollowheads aka Life on the Edge (1988)
My One and Only (stage)
Only You [Sunray Tours Travel Agent] (1991)
Roseanne: An Unauthorized Biography (TV) [Roseanne] (1994.10.11)
Saturday Night Fever [Doreen] (1977)
Seven Minutes in Heaven [Aunt Gail] (1986)
Downey Jr., Robert
------------------
"Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree" [Mr. Willowby] (1995.12.06)
"Mussolini: The Untold Story" (mini) (1985)
1969 (1988)
Air America (1990)
America (1986)
Baby, It's You (1983)
Back to School (1986)
Bad Influence (1990)
Chances Are (1988)
Chaplin (1992)
Firstborn (1984)
Greaser's Palace (1972)
Heart and Souls (1993)
Home for the Holidays (1995)
Johnny Be Good (1988)
Last Party, The (1993)
Less Than Zero (1987)
Natural Born Killers (1994)
Only You (1994)
Pick-up Artist, The (1987)
Pound (1970)
Putney Swope (1969)
Rented Lips (1988)
Restoration [Robert Merrival?] (1995)
Richard III [Earl Rivers] (1995)
Short Cuts
Soapdish (1991)
That's Adequate (1989)
To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)
Too Much Sun (1991)
True Believer (1989)
Tuff Turf (1985)
Up the Academy (1980)
Weird Science (1985)
Downey, Jim
-----------
Billy Madison [Principal] (1995)
Doyle-Murray, Brian
-------------------
"Bakersfield P.D."
"George Wendt Show, The" [1995 - 1995]
"Get A Life" [Gus]
"Good Sports" (1991)
"Married With Children" (1992.11.08.)
"Martin Short Show, The" (1994.09.15)
"Seinfeld [bubble boy episode]" (repeat on 1993.03.25)
"Wings" (1992.05.03.)
Babe Ruth (TV) (1991)
Cabin Boy (1993)
Caddyshack (1980)
Club Paradise (1986)
Experts, The (1989)
Frosty Returns (made for video) [voice of inventor] (1995.12.01)
Ghostbusters II (1989)
Groundhog Day [the mayor] (1993)
Head Office (1986)
How I Got Into College (1989)
JFK [Jack Ruby] (1991)
Jury Duty (1995)
Legal Eagles (1986)
Modern Problems (1981)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation [Clark's boss] (1989)
National Lampoon's Vacation [camp clerk] (1983)
Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Razor's Edge, The (1984)
Scrooged (1988)
Second City (improv group)
Sixteen Candles (1984)
Wayne's World [Noah] (1992)
Duke, Robin
-----------
"Boston Common" [staff psychologist] (1996.08.11)
"SCTV" (1983)
Blue Monkey (1987)
Club Paradise (1986)
Groundhog Day [Doris the Waitress] (1993)
Motorama (1992)
Only You (1991)
Dunn, Nora
----------
"Comedy Salute to Michael Jordan" (1991.07.??)
"Get a Life - Prisoner of Love" (1991.12.14)
"Sisters" [Norma]
(a talk show on the Playboy Channel)
Born Yesterday (1993)
How I Got Into College (1989)
Miami Blues (1990)
Passion Fish (1992)
Stepping Out (1991)
Working Girl (1988)
Ebersole, Christine
-------------------
"Cavanaughs, The" (1986)
"Ink" [Belinda]
"Rachel Gunn, R.N." (1992)
"Ryan's Hope" (1975)
"Valerie" (1986)
Acceptable Risks (TV) (1986)
Amadeus (1984)
Black Sheep (1996)
Dead Again (1991)
Dollmaker, The (TV) (1984)
Dying to Love You (TV) (1993)
Folks! (1992)
Ghost Dad (1990)
Mac and Me (1988)
Richie Rich (1994)
Thief of Hearts (1984)
Tootsie (1982)
Elliott, Chris
--------------
(cable tv ads)
(Frosted Cheerios commercials)
(Tostitos commercials)
"Duckman - All About Elliott" [cameo] (1997.01.25)
"Equalizer, The - Coal Black Soul" [peeping tom] (1987)
"Get a Life" [Chris Peterson] (1990-1992)
"Late Night With David Letterman"
"Late Show With David Letterman"
"Murphy Brown - Ten Percent Solution, The" (1995.11.13)
"Murphy Brown - Underdog" (1996.11.11)
"Sabrina: The Teenage Witch" (1997.02.07)
"Tattingers" aka "Nick and Hillary" [Spin] (1988-1989)
"Wings - ...Like a Neighbor Scorned" (1996.09.25)
Abyss, The [Bendix] (1989)
Barefoot Exective, The (TV) [Jase Wallenberg] (1995.11.11)
Braindead aka Dead Alive [costume designer] (1992)
Cabin Boy [Nathanial Mayweather] (1994)
CB4 [A. White] (1993)
Groundhog Day [Larry] (1993)
Lianna (1983)
Manhunter aka Red Dragon: The Pursuit of Hannibal Lecter [Zeller] (1986)
Medusa: Dare to Be Truthful (cable) [Andy]
New York Stories [Robber] (1989)
Fallon, Siobhan
---------------
"Golden Girls" [secretary]
"Seinfeld - Deal, The" [Tina] (1991.05.02)
"Seinfeld - Opposite, The" [Tina] (1994.05.19)
"Seinfeld - Truth, The" [Tina] (1991.09.25)
"Unnaturals, The"
Fools Rush In [Lanie] (1997)
Forrest Gump [Darlene] (1994)
Greedy [Tina] (1994)
Jury Duty [Heather] (1995)
Men in Black (1997)
Nick and Jane (1996)
Only You [Leslie] (1994)
Paper, The [Lisa] (1994)
Striptease [Rita] (1996)
Farley, Chris
-------------
"Comedy Salute to Michael Jordan" (1991.07.??)
"Larry Sanders Show, The" (cable) (1993?.09.29)
"Sports Bar"
(ESPN basketball commercials)
Airheads (1994)
Billy Madison (1995)
Beverly Hills Nina (1996 or 1997)
Black Sheep (1996)
Coneheads, The [Ronnie] (1993)
ImprovOlympic (improv group)
Lunch Lady Land (music video) [Lunch Lady]
Second City (improv group)
Soul to Squeeze (music video) (1993)
Tommy Boy [Tommy Callahan] (1995)
Wayne's World [Mr. Big's Security Man] (1992)
Wayne's World 2 [Milton] (1993)
Ferrell, Will
-------------
Groundlings, The (improv group)
Franken, Al
-----------
"Late Night With Conan O'Brien"
"New Show, The" [writer]
"Politically Incorrect" (cable)
"She TV"
(Comeday Central national convention coverage)
All You Need is Cash (TV) (aka Rutles, The) [bodyguard] (1978)
Date Night
I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! (book)
I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! (CD)
One More Saturday Night (1986)
Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations (book)
Stuart Saves His Family [Stuart Smalley] (1995)
Stuart Saves His Family [screenwriter] (1995)
Trading Places [Baggage Handler No. 1] (1983)
When a Man Loves a Woman [writer]
Garofalo, Janeane
-----------------
"A-List, The" (cable)
"Ben Stiller Show, The" [herself] (1992)
"Comedy Product" (cable) [host]
"Dennis Miller Show, The"
"Dr. Katz Professional Therapist" (cable) (1996.02.18)
"Duckman" (cable) [voice]
"Ellen" (rerun on 1996.08.14)
"HBO Young Comedians Special" (cable)
"Home Improvement" [Tina] (1997.02.11)
"Kickin' Aspen Maximum Comedy" (cable) [herself] (1996.03.03)
"Larry Sanders Show" [Paula]
"Law & Order" [film executive assistant] (1997.03.13 & 1997.03.27)
"MTV Movie Awards" (cable) (1996.06.??)
"NewsRadio - Sweeps Week" (1995.05.09)
"Seinfeld - Invitations, The" [Jeannie Simon] (1996.05.16)
"Seinfeld - Founcation, The" [Jeannie Simon] (1996.??.??)
"State's 43rd Halloween Special, The" (1995.10.27)
"Tales of the City" (mini) (1993)
"Talk Soup" (cable) [guest host]
"TNT: Our Favorite Movies - Breakfast Club" (cable) [host] (1996.02.22)
"TV Nation"
Bye Bye, Love [Lucille] (1995)
Cable Guy, The [Malinda] (1996)
Coldblooded [Honey] (1995)
Copland [traffic cop] (1997)
I Shot a Man in Vegas [Gale] (1995)
Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996)
Larger Than Life [Mo] (1996)
Late For Dinner [Counter Girl] (1991)
Listen Up (radio) [host]
Matchmaker, The (1997)
Not Necessarily the Election (cable) [herself?] (1996)
Now and Then [Wiladine] (1995)
Playboy Magazine, 20 Questions (Sep 1996)
Reality Bites [Vickie Miner] (1994)
Romy and Michele's High School Reunion [Heather Mooney] (1997)
Suspicious (1994)
Touch [Kathy Worthington] (1997)
Truth About Cats and Dogs, The [Abby] (1996)
Gasteyer, Ana
-------------
Groundlings, The (improv group)
Gottfried, Gilbert
------------------
"Adventures in Wonderland" (cable)
"Aladdin" [Voice of Iago]
"Cosby Show, The" (when Cliff buys new car)
"Emmy Awards" [himself] (1993?)
"First Annual Fractured Film Awards" (1992.03.29)
"Herman's Head" [Bob] (1994.01.??)
"Living Single" (1994.11.10)
"Mad About You" [guy who wanted to cup Murray's testicles] (1995.11.26)
"Married With Children" [comedian] (1995.02.26)
"MTV's Spring Break '93" (cable) [Host?]
"Night Court"
"Problem Child" (cable) [Voice of Mr. Peabody]
"Sunday Comics, The"
"Thicke of the Night" (1983)
"USA Up All Night" [Host]
"Watcher" [a conman] (1995.01.24)
"Wings" (winter 1994)
"Wings" [Lewis] (1995.12.19)
(7-11 commercials)
(Frosted Cheerios commercials)
(Kellogg's Pop-Tarts commercials)
Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The [Johnny Crunch] (1990)
Aladdin [Voice of Iago] (1992)
Bad Medicine [Tony Sandoval] (1985)
Beverly Hills Cop II [Sidney Bernstein] (1987)
Highway to Hell [Adolf Hitler] (1990)
Hot to Trot [Dentist] (1988)
House Party 3 [Luggage Clerk] (1994)
Look Who's Talking Too (1990)
Movie Madness (CD ROM)
Never on Tuesday [Lucky Larry Lupin] (1988)
Problem Child [Mr. Peabody] (1990)
Problem Child 2 [Mr. Peabody] (1991)
Problem Child 3 (TV) [Dr. Peabody] (1995)
Return of Jafar, The (made for video) [Voice of Iago] (1994)
Silk Degrees [Rene] (1994)
Thumbelina [Voice of Mr. Beetle] (1994)
Gross, Mary
-----------
"Billy" (1979)
"Lois & Clark: New Adventures of Superman, The" (1995.11.12)
"Murphy Brown" [Lamaze instructor] (1992.04?.??)
"People Next Door, The" (1989)
Baby Boom (1987)
Big Business (1988)
Casual Sex? (1988)
Club Paradise (1986)
Couch Trip, The (1988)
Feds (1988)
Santa Clause, The [Ms. Daniels] (1994)
Troop Beverly Hills (1989)
Guest, Christopher
------------------
"Blind Ambition" (mini) (1979)
"Laverne & Shirley"
"Saturday Night Live With Howard Cosell"
"Simpsons, The - The Otto Show" [voice] (1992.04.23)
"Spinal Tap Reunion (1992.12.24)"
"St. Elsewhere - Legionnaires: Part 1" (1992)
"St. Elsewhere - Legionnaires: Part 2" (1992)
"You Look Marvelous" (cable)
(Heinz ketchup commercial)
(IBM 1996 Olympics commercials) [Nigel Tufnel]
Attack of the 50-Foot Woman [director] (1993)
Beyond Therapy (1987)
Blind Ambition (TV) [Jeb Stuart Magruder ] (1979)
Death Wish (1974)
Few Good Men, A [Doctor Stone] (1992)
Girlfriends (1978)
Heartbeeps (1981)
It Happened One Christmas (TV) (1977)
Last Word, The (1979)
Lemmings (stage)
Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
Long Riders, The (1980)
Million Dollar Infield (TV) (1982)
Piano for Mrs. Cimino, A (TV) (1982)
Princess Bride, The (1987)
Shame of the Jungle (1975)
Sticky Fingers (1988)
This is Spinal Tap [Nigel Tufnel] (1984)
This is Spinal Tap [music] (1984)
This is Spinal Tap [writer] (1984)
Waiting for Gruffman [Corky St. Claire] (1996)
Waiting for Gruffman [composer] (1996)
Waiting for Gruffman [director] (1996)
Waiting for Gruffman [writer] (1996)
Hall, Anthony Michael
---------------------
"James A. Michener's Texas" (mini) [Yancey] 1994
Breakfast Club, The [Brian Johnson] (1985)
Edward Scissorhands [Jim] (1990)
Gnome Named Gnorm, A (1994)
Grave, The (1996)
Into the Sun [Tom Slade] (1992)
Johnny Be Good [Johnny Walker] (1988)
National Lampoon's Vacation [Rusty Griswold] (1983)
Out of Bounds [Daryl Cage] (1986)
Rascals and Robbers - The Secret Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn (TV) (1982)
Running Out (TV) (1983)
Six Degrees of Separation [Trent Conway] (1993)
Six Pack [Doc] (1982)
Sixteen Candles [Geek] (1984)
Weird Science [Gary] (1985)
Who Do I Gotta Kill? (1992)
Hall, Brad
----------
"Single Guy, The" (creator)
"Single Guy, The" (executive producer)
Boris and Natasha (tv) [story] (1991)
Bye Bye, Love [Phil] (1995)
Bye Bye, Love [writer] (1995)
Bye Bye, Love [producer] (1995)
Cabin Boy [key set p.a.] (1994)
Guardian, The [Ned Runcie] (1990)
Limit Up [Marty Callahan] (1989)
Pornographer, The (aka Family Values) [2nd 2nd assistant director] (1994)
Practical Theater Company, The (improv group)
Troll [William Daniels] (1986)
Worth Winning [Eric] (1989)
Hall, Rich
----------
"Get Serious" (Canadian TV) (1995)
"First Annual Fractured Film Awards" (1992.03.29)
"Fridays"
"Not Necessarily the News" (cable) (1983)
"Rich Hall Lost in America" (cable)
One Crazy Summer (1986)
Hammond, Darrell
----------------
"MTV Video Music Awards 96" (cable) (1996.09.04)
Wappin' (song) [Elmer Fudd]
Hartman, Phil
-------------
"10th Annual American Comedy Awards" (1996.03.06)
"2nd Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards" [General Patton] (1996.03.06)
"3 Day Pass With Sgt. Bilko" (cable) [himself] (1996.03.28)
"3rd Rock From the Sun" [cosmetics salesman] (1996.02.20)
"7th Annual American Comedy Awards" (1993.03.03)
"Critic, The - Eyes on the Prize" [voice of Adolph Hitmaker] (1994.03.02)
"Critic, The - Eyes on the Prize" [voice of Bernie Wasserman] (1994.03.02)
"Critic, The - Eyes on the Prize" [voice of Professor Blowhard] (1994.03.02)
"Dana Carvey Show, The" (1996.03.19?)
"Darkwing Duck" [voice]
"Dating Game, The" [contestant]
"Dennis the Menace" [voice]
"Donahue: The 25th Anniversary" (1992.11.15)
"How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (cable) [host]
"Kelsey Grammer Salutes Jack Benny" [himself?] (1995.11.30)
"Later With Bob Costas 3rd Anniversary" (1991.10.03)
"MTV Music Awards" (cable) (1992.09.09)
"News Radio" [Bill McNeil]
"Our Time" (1985)
"Parker Lewis - Lewis & Son" (1992.09.20)
"Pee Wee's Playhouse" [Captain Carl]
"Pee Wee's Playhouse" [writer]
"Pee-wee Herman Show, The" (cable) [Captain Carl]
"Pee-wee Herman Show, The" (cable) [writer]
"Pop and Rocker Game, The" (announcer)
"Ren and Stimpy" [Voice of Russian Announcer]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Heaven]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Himself]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Lionel Hutz]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Lyle Lanley]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Moses]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Plato]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Smooth Jimmy Apollo]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Stockbroker]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Tom]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Troy McClure]
"So I Married an Axe Murderer MTV Special" (cable) (1993)
"Tiny Toon Adventures" [voice]
"Tom and Jerry Kids Show" [voice]
"Word From Our Sponsor II, A" (1993.09.23)
"Word From Our Sponsor, A" (1992.10.01)
(1-800-COLLECT commercials) [Max Jerome Private Eye]
(Atari commercial(s))
(Budweiser commercials on radio)
(Cheetos commercials)
(E! commercials)
(ESPN commercials)
(Jerry's Big and Tall of Muncie, Indiana commercials)
(M&M's commercials [Voice of Chocolate Bar])
(Mad About You commercials) [President Bill Clinton] (1996)
(McDonald's commercials [Huge MacAttack])
(New Jersey Bell commercials)
(numerous British television commercials)
(Save the Bay PDAs - LA Regional)
(tennis shoe commercial)
Amazon Women on the Moon (1987)
Blind Date (1987)
Brave Little Toaster, The [voice] (1987)
CB4 (1993)
Coneheads, The [Marlax] (1993)
Crazysitter, The
Facts, The (1982) (possibly a tv show)
Fletch Lives (1989)
Greedy (1994)
Groundlings, The (improv group)
Houseguest (1994)
How I Got Into College (1989)
Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986)
Last Resort (1986)
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)
One Special Victory (TV) (1991)
Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)
Quick Change (1990)
Second Civil War, The (1997)
Sgt. Bilko (1996)
Three Amigos! (1986)
Hooks, Jan
----------
"Designing Women" (1986)
"Martin Short Show, The" (1994.09.15)
"Tush" (cable)
Batman Returns (1992)
Coneheads, The [Gladys Johnson] (1993)
Funland (1986)
Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)
Wildcats (1986)
Hutsell, Melanie
----------------
"MTV's Spring Break '93" (cable)
Annoyance Theatre (improv group?)
Real Live Brady Bunch, The (stage)
Jackson, Victoria
-----------------
"1/2 Hour Comedy Hour, The" (1983)
"Bizarre"
"Comedy Salute to Michael Jordan" (1991.07.??)
"Garfield and Friends"
"Half Nelson" (1985)
"U.S.A. Music Challenge" (1992.06.04)
"Unhappily Ever After"
"Walter" (pilot)
(Comedy Central commercials)
Baby Boom (1987)
Casual Sex? (1988)
Couch Trip, The (1988)
Dream a Little Dream (1989)
Family Business (1989)
Half Nelson (TV) (1985)
I Love You to Death (1990)
Perry Mason: The Case of the Jealous Joker (TV) [Lisa Kaye] (1995.04.10)
Pick-up Artist, The (1987)
UHF [Teri] (1989)
Ukelele Lady (cd)
Kattan, Chris
-------------
Groundlings, The (improv group)
Kaufman, Andy
-------------
"Andy Kaufman Show, The" (1982)
"Dating Game, The"
"Fridays" (1982)
"Lisa Hartman Show, The: Hot Stuff" (1979)
"Stick Around - Pilot" (1979)
"Taxi" [Latka Gravas] (1978-1983)
"Taxi" [Vic Ferrari] (1978-1983)
"Van Dyke and Company" (1976)
Demon (aka God Told Me Too) (1976)
Heartbeeps (1981)
In God We Tru$t (1980)
Man on the Moon (music video)
My Breakfast with Blassie (1983)
Kazurinsky, Tim
---------------
"Married With Children" [Sid] (1991.11.03)
About Last Night [adapted screenplay] (1986)
Big City Comedy (video) (1986)
Continental Divide (1981)
Dinner at Eight (TV) (1989)
Hot to Trot [Leonard] (1988)
My Bodyguard (1980)
Neighbors (1981)
Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Princess and the Pea, The (TV)
Shakes the Clown (1991)
This Wife for Hire (TV)
Wedding Band (TV) (1990)
Kightlinger, Laura
------------------
"Nanny, The" (1997.02.14)
"Saturday Night Special"
"Stand Up, Stand Up" [host]
Koechner, David
---------------
"Late Night With Conan O'Brien" [gargoyle]
ImprovOlympic (improv group)
Pinata Full of Bees (stage)
Second City (improv group)
Kroeger, Gary
-------------
"Comic Strip Live" (1989)
"George and Alana Show, The" [announcer]
"George and Alana Show, The" [writer]
"LA Law" (1993.01.07)
"Murder, She Wrote - Murder in Milan"
"Newlywed Game, The" [host]
"Spies" (1987)
Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again (TV) (1990)
Big Picture, The (1989)
Deadly Weapon (1989)
Man Called Sarge, A (1990)
Practical Theater Company, The (improv group)
Radioland Murders [Gork, Son of Fire] (1994)
Return of the Shaggy Dog, The (TV) (1987)
Louis-Dreyfus, Julia
--------------------
"47th Annual Emmy Awards" [award presenter] (1995.09.10)
"7th Annual American Comedy Awards" (1993.03.03)
"Day by Day" (1988)
"Screen Actors Guild Awards" (1995.02.25)
"Seinfeld" [Elaine Marie Benes] (1990)
"Sesame Street's 25th Anniversary" (1994.05.18)
"Single Guy, The" [Tina] (1995.11.09)
"Spy Magazine Hit List" [herself] (1992.12.02)
(Nice 'n' Easy commercials)
(Pepsi Max commercials)
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Jack the Bear (1993)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
Neil Simon's 'London Suite' (TV) (1996)
North [North's Mom] (1994)
Practical Theater Company, The (improv group)
Soul Man (1986)
Troll (1986)
Lovitz, Jon
-----------
"2nd Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards" [presenter] (1996.03.06)
"65th Annual Academy Awards" (1993.03.29)
"Critic, The" [Voice of Jay Sherman]
"Foley Square" (1985)
"Friends" [Steve] (1994/1995)
"League of Their Own, A" (1993.04.10)
"Married With Children" [Jeff Littlehead] (1991.11.17)
"MTV Movie Awards" [host] (1995.06.??)
"Naked Truth, The" [Acer] (1997.03.13)
"Please Watch the Jon Lovitz Special, The" (1992.05.17)
"Seinfeld" [Gary Fogle] (1995.01.26)
"Simpsons, The - Streetcar Named Marge, A" [Voice of Artie Ziff] (1992.10.01)
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Aristotle Amodopoulos]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Professor Lombardo]
"Simpsons, The" {voice of Llewelly Sinclair]
"Tales From the Crypt" (HBO)
? Coneheads, The (1993)
(M&M's commercials [Voice of Red M&M])
American Tale, An: Fievel Goes West [voice] (1991)
Big (1988)
Brave Little Toaster, The [voice] (1987)
City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold (1994)
Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986)
Last Resort (1986)
League of Their Own, A (1992)
Mom and Dad Save the World (1992)
Mr. Destiny (1990)
My Stepmother is an Alien (1988)
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 (1993)
North [Arthur Rufus Belt] (1994)
Three Amigos! [Morty] (1986)
Trapped in Paradise (1994)
Wonders of Life Pavilion at EPCOT Center - Cranium Command [Left Brain]
MacDonald, Norm
---------------
"Adam Sandler's Poly... Chronology" (cable) [himself] (1996)
"MTV Video Music Awards 96" (cable) [Bob Dole] (1996.09.04)
"Roseanne" [writer]
(Mad About You commercials) [Senator Bob Dole] (1996)
Billy Madison (1995)
Steve Polychronopolous (music video) (1996)
Matthius, Gail
--------------
"Animaniacs" [voice]
"Tiny Toon Adventures" [voice]
Laff Trax
McKean, Michael
---------------
"Dream On" (cable) [Gibby]
"Friends" [Mr. Rastatter] (1995.11.16)
"Grand" [Tom Smithson] (1990)
"Laverne and Shirley" [Lenny]
"Laverne and Shirley Reunion" [himself] (1994/1995)
"Sessions"
"Star Trek: Voyager - The Thaw" (1996.04.29)
"Tracey Takes On ..." (cable)
(ESPN SportsCenter commercial)
Airheads (1994)
Big Picture, The [Emmet Sumner] (1989)
Book of Love [Adult Jack Twiller] (1990)
Brady Bunch Movie, The [Larry Dittmeyer] (1995)
Classified Love (TV) (1986)
Clue [Mr. Green] (1985)
Coneheads [Gorman Seedling] (1993)
D.A.R.Y.L. [Andy Richardson] (1985)
Double Agent (TV) [Warren Starbinder] (1987)
Earth Girls Are Easy (1989)
Father's Homecoming, A (TV) (1988)
Flashback [Hal] (1990)
Hider in the House [Phil Dreyer] (1989)
History of White People in America, The (Volume II) (TV) (1986)
Jumpin' Jack Flash [British Party Guest (uncredited)] (1986)
Light of Day [Bu Montgomery/The Barbusters] (1987)
Man Trouble [Eddy Revere] (1992)
Memoirs of an Invisible Man [George Talbot] (1992)
More Than Friends (TV) (1979)
Murder in High Places (TV) [Pettibone] (1991)
Planes, Trains & Automobiles [State Trooper] (1987)
Radioland Murders (1994)
Short Circuit 2 [Fred Ritter] (1988)
This Is Spinal Tap [David St. Hubbins] (1984)
This Is Spinal Tap [music] (1984)
This Is Spinal Tap [writer] (1984)
True Identity [Harvey Cooper] (1991)
Used Cars (1980)
Young Doctors in Love (1982)
McKinney, Mark
--------------
"Kids in the Hall"
Drug, The
Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy [Simon] (1996)
Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy [writer] (1996)
Meadows, Tim
------------
"Adam Sandler's Poly... Chronology" (cable) [himself] (1996)
Buddy (short video)
Coneheads, The [Athletic Cone] (1993)
ImprovOlympic (improv group)
It's Pat [Station Manager] (1994)
Pinata Full of Bees (stage)
Second City (improv group)
Steve Polychronopolous (music video) (1996)
They're All Gonna Laugh at You (cd)
Wayne's World 2 [Sammy Davis Jr.] (1993)
Metcalf, Laurie
---------------
"9th Annual American Comedian Awards, The" (1995.03.06)
"Roseanne" [Jackie Harris]
Blink [Candice] (1994)
Candy Mountain [Alice] (1987)
Dangerous Woman, A [Anita] (1993)
Dear God (1996)
Desperately Seeking Susan [Leslie] (1985)
Execution of Raymond Graham, The (TV) (1989)
Internal Affairs [Amy Wallace] (1990)
JFK [Susie Cox] (1991)
Making Mr. Right (1987)
Miles from Home [Exotic Dancer] (1988)
Mistress [Rachel Landisman] (1992)
Pacific Heights [Stephanie MacDonald] (1990)
Secret Life of Houses, The [Ann] (1994)
Stars and Bars (1988)
Uncle Buck [Marcie Dahlgren-Frost] (1989)
Michaels, Lorne
---------------
"20/20" (1992.12.11)
"Beautiful Phyllis Diller Show, The" [writer]
"Hart and Lorne Terrific Hour, The" [writer]
"Kids in the Hall, The" [executive producer]
"Lassie" [producer]
"Late Night With Conan O'Brien" [producer]
"Lily Tomlin Specials" [producer]
"Lookwell" [executive producer]
"New Show, The" [producer]
"Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In" [writer] (1968 to 1969)
"Today Makes Me Nervous" [writer]
"Vacant Lot, The" [producer]
Black Sheep [producer] (1996)
Coneheads, The [producer] (1993)
Five Nights a Week at This Time (radio) [writer]
Frosty Returns (animated short) [executive producer] (1995.12.01)
Gilda Radner, Live From New York (album) [producer]
Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy [producer] (1996)
Stuart Saves His Family [producer] (1995)
Tommy Boy [producer] (1995)
Wayne's World [producer] (1992)
Wayne's World 2 [producer] (1993)
Miller, Dennis
--------------
"47th Annual Emmy Awards" [award winner!] (1995.09.10)
"Ben Stiller Show, The" (1992.12.20)
"Billboard Music Awards" [host] (1994.12.07)
"Bing: His Legendary Years" (cable)
"Black and White" (cable)
"Comic Relief V" (cable) (1992.05.16)
"Comic Relief VI" (cable) (1994.01.15)
"Comic Relief VII" (cable) [himself] (1995.11.11)
"Comic Strip Live"
"Dennis Miller Show, The"
"Dennis Miller Live" (cable) [400 pound gorilla]
"Dennis Miller Live" (cable) [writer]
"Dream On: And Bimbo Was His Name-O" (cable)
"Emmy Awards" (cable) (1992.08.30)
"Girls' Night Out: The Young Comedians" (cable)
"HBO Comedy Hour Citizen Arcane" (cable) (1996.03.02)
"Mr. Miller Goes to Washington" (cable)
"MTV Video Music Awards 96" (cable) [host] (1996.09.04)
"New York Night, A (cable)" (1993)
"News Radio" [the stalker] (1996.01.02)
"Star Search" [finalist] (1983)
"State of the Union Undressed" (cable) (1994.01.25)
"State of the Union Undressed" (cable) (1995.01.24)
"State of the Union Undressed" (cable) [host] (1996.01.23)
"They Shoot HBO Specials, Don't They?" (cable)
"TNT: Our Favorite Movies - Citizen Kane" (cable) [host] (1995.02.02)
(Acura commercials)
(M&M's commercials [himself])
(Miller Beer commercials)
(TGIFriday's Restaurant commercials)
Broken Highway (1993)
Disclosure (1994)
Madhouse (1990)
Murder at 1600 (1997)
Net, The [Dr. Alan Champion] (1995)
Never Talk to Strangers (1995)
Not Necessarily the Election (cable) [host] (1996)
Playboy Magazine Interview (Apr 1996)
Playboy Magazine (joke contest) [runner-up]
Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood (1996)
Quest, The (1986)
Mohr, Jay
---------
"Camp Wilder"
"Lip Service" (cable)
"Local Heroes"
Morgan, Tracy
-------------
Morris, Garrett
---------------
"64th Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade" [himself] (1995.12.03)
"Cleghorne!"
"Diff'rent Strokes"
"General Hospital"
"Hill Street Blues"
"Hunter" [Sporty James] (1984)
"It's Your Move" (1984)
"Jeffersons, The"
"Married With Children"
"Martin" [Stan] (1992)
"Minor Adjustments" (1995.11.12)
"Murder, She Wrote"
"New Twilight Zone"
"Roc" (1991)
"Roll Out" (1973)
Almost Blue [music agent] (1992)
Anderson Tapes, The (1971)
Blackbird Fly
Car Wash (1976)
Census Taker, The
Children of the Night (1992)
Coneheads, The [Captain Orbcruiser] (1993)
Cooley High (1975)
Critical Condition (1987)
Dance to Win (1989)
Earth Angel (TV) (1991)
How to Beat the High Cost of Living (1980)
Husbands, Wives, Money and Murder
Invisible Woman, The (TV) (1983)
Maid for Each Other (TV) (1992)
Motorama (1992)
Porgy and Bess (stage)
Severed Ties (1992)
Showboat (stage)
Stuff, The (1985)
Things We Did Last Summer, The (1977)
Underachievers, The (1987)
Where's Poppa? (1970)
Murphy, Eddie
-------------
"7th Annual American Comedy Awards" (1993.03.03)
"Friday Night Videos" (1993.02.13)
"Lou Rawls Parade of Stars" (1995.01.??)
"MTV Music Awards" (cable) (1992.09.09)
"Party all the Time" (music video)
"Party for Richard Pryor, A" [host] (1991)
"Remember the Time" (music video)
"Soul Train Music Awards" (1993.03.09)
"What's Up With You" (music video)
"Who Makes You Laugh?" [himself] (1996.04.18)
48 HRS. [Reggie Hammond] (1982)
Another 48 HRS. [Reggie Hammond] (1990)
Best Defense (1984)
Beverly Hills Cop [Axel Foley] (1984)
Beverly Hills Cop II [Axel Foley] (1987)
Beverly Hills Cop III [Axel Foley] (1994)
Boomerang (1992)
Coming to America [Prince Akeem] (1988)
Coming to America [Clarence] (1988)
Coming to America [Randy Watson] (1988)
Coming to America [Saul] (1988)
Distinguished Gentlemen, The (1992)
Eddie Murphy - Delirious (video) [himself] (1983)
Eddie Murphy Raw [himself] (1987)
Golden Child, The (1986)
Harlem Nights (1990)
Metro (1997)
Nutty Professor, The [Sherman Klump] (1996)
Nutty Professor, The [Buddy Love] (1996)
Nutty Professor, The [Mama Klump] (1996)
Nutty Professor, The [Papa Klump] (1996)
Nutty Professor, The [Grandma Klump] (1996)
Nutty Professor, The [Sherman's brother] (1996)
Nutty Professor, The [Lance Perkins] (1996)
Trading Places [Billy Ray Valentine] (1983)
Vampire in Brooklyn [Max] (1995)
Vampire in Brooklyn [in 2 other roles] (1995)
Vampire in Brooklyn [producer] (1995)
Murray, Bill
------------
"Dateline NBC" (1992.12.15)
"Saturday Night Live With Howard Cosell"
"Square Pegs"
"TV TV Show, The" (1977)
? Blues Brothers, The (1980) (in the mall buying Miss Piggy?)
All You Need is Cash (TV) (aka Rutles, The) [Bill Murray the K.] (1978)
Caddyshack [Carl Spackler] (1980)
Ed Wood [Bunny Breckenridge] (1994)
First Love (1977)
Ghostbusters [Doctor Peter Venkman] (1984)
Ghostbusters II [Doctor Peter Venkman] (1989)
Groundhog Day [Phil Connors] (1993)
Jungle Burger (1975)
Kingpin (1996)
Larger Than Life (1996 or 1997)
Little Shop of Horrors [Arthur Denton] (1986)
Loose Shoes aka Coming Attractions (1980)
Mad Dog and Glory [Frank Milo] (1993)
McVicar [Joey David) (1980)
Meatballs [Tripper] (1979)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (1979)
Nothing Lasts Forever [Ted Breughel] (1984)
Quick Change [Grimm] (1990)
Quick Change [producer] (1990)
Quick Change [director] (1990)
Razor's Edge, The [Larry Darrell] (1984)
Razor's Edge, The [writer] (1984)
Scrooged [Frank Cross] (1988)
Second City (improv group)
Shame of the Jungle [voice] (1975)
She's Having a Baby [uncredited cameo] (1988)
Stripes [John Winger] (1981)
Things We Did Last Summer, The (1977)
Tootsie [Jeff] (1982)
What About Bob? [Bob Wiley] (1991)
Where the Buffalo Roam [Dr. Hunter S. Thompson] (1980)
Myers, Mike
-----------
"64th Annual Academy Awards" (1992.03.30)
"Boogie Jr. (Pilot)" [host]
"Much Music" [Wayne Campbell]
"So I Married an Axe Murderer MTV Special (1993)" (cable)
"Wayne's World 2 MTV Special" (cable) (1993.12.??)
"Wayne's World MTV Special" (cable) (1992.09.14)
(FOX Hockey commercial)
?? Hot and Bothered (music video)
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Ballroom Blitz (music video) (1992)
Bohemian Rhapsody (music video) (1992)
ImprovOlympic (improv group)
Saturday Night (music video) (1993)
So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)
Southern Comfort Team Comedy Challenge [spokesperson]
Wayne's World [Wayne Campbell] (1992)
Wayne's World [writer] (1992)
Wayne's World 2 [Wayne Campbell] (1993)
Wayne's World 2 [writer] (1993)
Nealon, Kevin
-------------
"Amazing America" (cable)
"Comic Strip Live"
"Edge, The" (1993.07.11) (rerun?)
"Emmy Awards" (1992.08.30)
"Larry Sanders Show, The" (cable)
(Miller Beer Commercials)
All I Want for Christmas (1991)
Coneheads, The [Senator] (1993)
Happy Gilmore (1996)
Hot Shot (1986)
Roxanne (1987)
Wonders of Life Pavilion at EPCOT Center - Cranium Command
Newman, Laraine
---------------
"Bob & Ray, Jane, Laraine, and Gilda Comedy Special"
"Dream On: And Bimbo Was His Name-O" (cable)
"Friends" [Phoebe's mother] (1996.04.25)
"Laverne & Shirley"
"Manhattan Transfer" (1975)
"New Show, The"
(host of bad movie show in LA in the early 90's)
American Hot Wax (1978)
Coneheads, The [Laarta] (1993)
Flintstones, The [reporter] (1994)
Her Life as a Man (TV) (1984)
Invaders from Mars (1986)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (1979)
Perfect (1985)
Problem Child 2 (1991)
Sesame Street Presents Follow That Bird [voice] (1985)
Stardust Memories (1980)
This Wife for Hire (TV) (1985)
Tunnelvision (1976)
We're all DEVO (music video/album) (1983)
Wholly Moses! (1980)
Witchboard 2 [Elaine]
Novello, Don
------------
"Chicken Little Comedy Hour"
"Married With Children" [Father Guido Sarducci] (late 1995)
"SCTV" [writer]
"Smothers Brothers Show, The" (1975)
"Square Pegs" [Father Guido Sarducci]
Bay Area Music Awards
Casper [Father Guido Sarducci?] (1995)
Father Guido Sarducci Goes to College (1985)
Gilda Live (1980)
Godfather, Part III, The (1990)
Head Office (1986)
Lazlo Letters (book)
Lazlo Letters Volume 2 (book) (or something similar)
New York Stories (1989)
Spirit of 76, The (1990)
Spy Magazine (as Lazlo Toth)
Teenage Bonnie and Klepto Clyde [Sanchez]
Tucker: The Man and His Dream (1988)
O'Donoghue, Michael
-------------------
(some book about Socks Clinton) (book)
Gilda Live [writer]
Head Office [Dantley] (1986)
Itsy Bitsy Spider, The (cartoon short) [writer]
Manhattan [Dennis] (1979)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video [producer] (1979)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video [writer] (1979)
National Lampoon Magazine [writer]
National Lampoon Radio Hour
Scrooged [Priest] (1988)
Scrooged [writer] (1988)
Single Woman (song) [writer]
Spin Magazine [writer]
Wall Street [Reporter] (1987)
Oteri, Cheri
------------
Groundlings, The (improv group)
Liar, Liar (1997)
Pardo, Don
----------
"All New Jeopardy!, The" [announcer]
"Choose Up Sides" [announcer]
"Concentration" [announcer]
"Droodles" [announcer]
"Eye Guess" [announcer]
"High Low" [announcer]
"It's In The Bag" [announcer]
"Jackpot!" [announcer]
"Jan Murray Show" [announcer]
"Jeopardy!" [announcer]
"Judge For Yourself" [announcer]
"Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade" [announcer] (1995.11.24)
"Price Is Right, The" [announcer]
"Remember This Date" [announcer]
"Three On A Match" [announcer]
"To Tell The Truth" [announcer]
"Wheel Of Fortune" [announcer for 2 weeks]
"Winner Take All" [announcer]
"Winning Streak" [announcer]
(Frosted Cheerios commercials) [announcer]
(Gerber's Graduates commercials) [announcer]
(Toyota commercials) [announcer]
I Lost on Jeopardy (music video) [announcer]
Radio Days ["Guess That Tune" Host] (1987)
Sex O'Clock News, The [announcer]
Stay Tuned [Game Show Announcer] (1992)
Piscopo, Joe
------------
"Cybill" [Doug Whiner-like character]
"Dog's Life, A"
"Star Trek: The Next Generation - The Outrageous Okona" [comedian] (1988.12.10)
(General Nutrition Center commercials)
(Miller Beer commercials)
Dead Heat (1988)
Grease (stage)
Johnny Dangerously (1984)
King Kong (1976)
Multimedia Celebrity Poker (CD ROM game) [himself]
Sidekicks (1993)
Wise Guys (1986)
Quaid, Randy
------------
"Davis Rules" (1991)
Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, The (1974)
Bloodhounds of Broadway (1989)
Bound for Glory (1976)
Breakout (1975)
Bye Bye, Love [Victor Damico] (1995)
Caddyshack II (1988)
Choirboys, The (1977)
Cold Dog Soup (1990)
Days of Thunder (1990)
Dead Solid Perfect (TV) (1988)
Ed McBain's 87th Precinct (TV) [Detective Steve Corella] (1995.03.19)
Evil in Clear River (TV) (1988)
Fool for Love (1985)
Foxes (1980)
Frankenstein (cable) (1993)
Freaked (1993)
Getting Away from It All (TV) (1971)
Great Niagara, The (TV) (1974)
Guyana Tragedy: The Story of Jim Jones (TV) (1980)
Heartbeeps (1981)
Independence Day [Russell Casse] (1996)
Inside the Third Reich (TV) (1982)
Kingpin (1996)
Last Detail, The (1973)
Last Picture Show, The (1971)
Last Ride of the Dalton Gang, The (TV) (1979)
LBJ: The Early Years (TV) (1987)
Lolly-Madonna XXX (1973)
Long Riders, The (1980)
Major League II [Johnny] (1994)
Martians Go Home (1990)
Midnight Express (1978)
Missouri Breaks, The (1976)
Moving (1988)
Murder in the Heartland (TV) (1993)
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation [Cousin Ed] (1989)
National Lampoon's Vacation [Cousin Ed] (1983)
No Man's Land (1987)
Of Mice and Men (TV) (1981)
Out Cold (1989)
Paper Moon (1973)
Paper, The (1994)
Parents (1989)
Quick Change [Loomis] (1990)
Ruby Ridge An American Tragedy (TV) [Randall Claude Weaver] (1996)
Slugger's Wife, The (1985)
Streetcar Named Desire, A (TV) (1984)
Sweet Country (1986)
Targets (1968)
Texasville (1991)
Vegas Vacation [Cousin Ed] (1997)
What's Up Doc? (1970's)
Wild Life, The (1984)
Wraith, The (1986)
Quinn, Colin
------------
"Remote Control" [announcer/sidekick] (1987 - 1991)
Celtic Pride [writer] (1996)
Radner, Gilda
-------------
"Bob & Ray, Jane, Laraine, and Gilda Comedy Special"
"It's Garry Shandling's Show" [herself] (1988.04.03)
"Muppet Show, The" (1978)
"New Show, The"
? First Love (1977)
All You Need is Cash (TV) (aka Rutles, The) [Mrs. Emily Pules] (1978)
Animalympics [voice] (1979)
First Family (1980)
Gilda Live (1980)
Gilda Radner, Live From Broadway (stage)
Gilda Radner, Live From New York (album)
Godspell (stage) [1972]
Hanky Panky (1982)
Haunted Honeymoon (1986)
It Came From Hollywood (1982)
It's Always Something (book)
Last Detail, The (1973)
Movers & Shakers (1985)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (1979)
Roseanne Roseannedanna's "Hey, Get Back to Work!" Book (book)
Second City (improv group)
Woman in Red, The (1984)
Risley, Ann
-----------
Annie Hall (1977)
Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean (1982)
El Diablo (TV) (1990)
Manhattan (1979)
Stardust Memories (1980)
Sunstroke (TV) (1992)
Rock, Chris
-----------
"Chris Rock Show, The" [host] (1997)
"Comic Relief VII" (cable) [himself] (1995.11.11)
"Homicide" (1996.03.29)
"In Living Color"
"Martin" (1996.02.18)
"MTV's House of Style" (cable) (1993.02.14)
"MTV Video Music Awards 96" (cable) [presenter] (1996.09.04)
"Politically Incorrect" (cable)
"Russell Simmon's Def Comedy Jam" (cable)
"State of the Union Undressed" (cable) [himself] (1996.01.23)
(1-800-COLLECT commercials)
(Comedy Central correspondent)
Beverly Hills Cop II [valet at Hefner mansion] (1987)
Beverly Hills Nina (1996 or 1997)
Boomerang (1992)
CB4 (1993)
HBO Comedy Hour Chris Rock: Bring the Pain (cable) [himself] (1996.06.01)
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)
New Jack City (1992)
Rocket, Charles
---------------
"Flying Blind - Bride of Marsh Man 2: The Spawning, The" [Dennis] (1993.03.28)
"Flying Blind - Long Goodbye, The" [Dennis] (1993.05.02)
"Flying Blind - My Dinner with Brad Schimmel" [Dennis] (1993.03.14)
"Flying Blind - Player, The" [Dennis] (1993.02.14)
"Flying Blind - Unforgiving" [Dennis] (1993.03.21)
"Home Court" [Judge Gil Fitzpatrick]
"Max Headroom"
"Moonlighting" [Richard Addison]
"Murder, She Wrote"
"Murphy's Law" (1988)
"Parker Lewis Can't Lose"
"Quantum Leap - A Leap for Lisa" (1992.05.20)
"Quantum Leap - A Little Miracle" (1990.12.21)
"Thirtysomething"
"Wild Palms" (mini) (1993)
(a Tom Petty music video) (music video)
?? Short Cuts
Dances with Wolves [Lieutenant Elgin] (1990)
Delirious (1991)
Down Twisted (1987)
Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Earth Girls Are Easy (1989)
Fraternity Vacation (1985)
Hocus Pocus [Dave] (1993)
Honeymoon Academy (1990)
How I Got Into College (1989)
It's Pat [Kyle] (1994)
Miracles (1986)
Murder at 1600 (1997)
Outlaws, The (TV) (1984)
Tom Sawyer (1995)
Rosato, Tony
------------
"ENG" (Canadian TV)
"LA Law" (spring 1992)
"Night Heat" [Whitey] (1985)
"Robocop the Series"
"SCTV"
"Two of Diamonds" (1987)
Busted Up (1986)
Courage (TV) (1986)
Diamond Fleece, The (TV) (1992)
Hands of a Stranger (TV) (1987)
Hog Wild (1980)
Improper Channels (1981)
In Defense of a Married Man (TV) (1990)
Mystery Date (1991)
Sadie and Son (TV) (1987)
Separate Vacations (1986)
Switching Channels (1988)
Sandler, Adam
-------------
"Adam Sandler's Poly... Chronology" (cable) [himself] (1996)
"Cosby Show, The"
"Late Night with Conan O'Brien"
"Remote Control" (cable)
Airheads (1994)
Babes Ahoy
Billy Madison [Billy Madison] (1995)
Buddy (short video)
Bulletproof (1996)
Coneheads, The [Carmine] (1993)
Happy Gilmore [Happy Gilmore] (1996)
Happy Gilmore [writer] (1996)
Lunch Lady Land (music video)
Mixed Nuts (1994)
Shakes the Clown (1991)
Steve Polychronopolous (music video) [Steve Polychronopolous] (1996)
They're All Gonna Laugh at You (cd)
What the Hell Happened to Me? (comedy album)
Schneider, Rob
--------------
"2nd Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards" [presenter] (1996.03.06)
"Adam Sandler's Poly... Chronology" (cable) [himself] (1996)
"Coach" [Lewis]
"HBO Young Comedian's Special" (cable)
"Men Behaving Badly"
"Seinfeld" [Bob] (1996.03.06)
"Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Special" [host] (1997.02.22)
"They're All Gonna Laugh at You" (cd)
Bay Area Music Awards (radio) (1994)
Beverly Hillbillies [Woodrow Tyler] (1993)
Coneheads, The (1993)
Demolition Man [Police Operator] (1993)
Down Periscope (1996)
Home Alone 2 Lost in New York [Bellman] (1992)
Judge Dredd [Herman Ferguson] (1995)
Martians Go Home [Voyeur Martian] (1990)
Necessary Roughness [Chuck Neiderman] (1991)
Steve Polychronopolous (music video) (1996)
Surf Ninjas [Iggy] (1993)
Shaffer, Paul
-------------
"1996 Summer Olympics Closing Ceremonies" (1996)
"Happy New Year America" [co-host] (1994.12.31)
"Late Night with David Letterman" (1982-1993)
"Late Show with David Letterman, The" (1993-)
"New York Night, A (1993)" (cable)
"Square Pegs" (composer)
"Superbowl XXXI Halftime Show" (1997.01.26)
"Tears Are Not Enough" (famine relief song)
"Viva Shaf Vegas" (cable)
"Year at the Top, A" (1977)
(Red Cross commercials)
Coast to Coast (compact disc)
Gilda Live (1980)
Gilda Radner, Live From New York (album) [producer]
Godspell (stage) [musical director] (1972)
It's Raining Men [composer]
It's Raining Men [writer]
Look Who's Talking Too (1990)
Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (1979)
Paul Shaffer & the Party Boys of Rock'N'Roll (compact disc)
Scrooged [Street Musician] (1988)
This is Spinal Tap [Artie Fufkin] (1984)
Shannon, Molly
--------------
"Single Guy, The" [adoption agency woman] (1997.02.06)
Shearer, Harry
--------------
"Fernwood 2 Night" [program consultant and writer]
"Golden Girls, The" [voice of President Bush]
"Friends" [The Zoo Guy] (1994/1995)
"Harry Shearer's News Quiz"
"Laverne & Shirley" [writer]
"Leave it to Beaver - Pilot Episode" [Eddie Haskell!]
"Los Angeles Times Magazine" (newspaper column)
"OJ On Trial: The Early Years" (cd)
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Adolf Hitler]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Charles Montgomery Burns]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of DJ Bill]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Dr. Julis Hibbert]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Dr. Marvin Monroe]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of George Bush]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Herman]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Jasper]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Johnny Carson]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Kent Brockman]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Lenny]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of MC Hammer]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of McBain]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Ned Flanders]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Otto]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Principal Skinner]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Reverend Lovejoy]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Richard Nixon]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Spike Lee]
"Simpsons, The" [Voice of Wayland Smithers]
"Sliders" [Radio Announcer] (1995.03.22)
"Spinal Tap Reunion" [Derek Smalls] (1992.12.24)
"Spy Magazine Hit List" (1992.12.02)
"State of the Union Undressed" (cable) [Newt Gingrich] (1996.01.23)
(Credibility Gap improv group)
(IBM 1996 Olympics commercials) [Derek Smalls]
Abbott and Costello Go to Mars
Animalympics [voice] (1979)
Blood and Concrete (1991)
Fish That Saved Pittsburgh (1979)
Fisher King, The (1991)
Hometown Boy Makes Good (TV) (1974)
Jack Benny Program (radio)
Le Show (radio)
League of Their Own, A (1992)
Little Giants [announcer]
Mistress, The
My Stepmother is an Alien (1988)
One Trick Pony (1980)
Oscar (1991)
Plain Clothes (1988)
Portrait of a White Marriage (cable)
Pure Luck (1991)
Real Life (1979)
Right Stuff, The (1983)
Robe, The
This is Spinal Tap (1984) [Derek Smalls]
This is Spinal Tap (1984) [music]
This is Spinal Tap (1984) [writer]
Wayne's World 2 [Handsome Dan] (1993)
Shore, Howard
-------------
After Hours [composer] (1985)
Before & After [composer] (1996)
Big [composer] (1988)
Brood, The [composer] (1979)
Client, The [composer] (1994)
Crash [composer] (1996)
Dead Ringers [composer] (1988)
Ed Wood [composer] (1994)
Fire with Fire [composer] (1986)
Fly, The [composer] (1986)
Game, The [composer] (1997)
Gilda Live [*acted*, part unknown] (1980)
Guilty as Sin [composer] (1993)
Heaven [composer] (1987)
I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses [composer] (1978)
Innocent Man, An [composer] (1989)
Kiss Before Dying, A [composer] (1991)
Lemon Sisters [composer] (1990)
Local Stigmatic, The [composer] (1989)
Looking for Richard [composer] (1996)
M. Butterfly [composer] (1993)
Made in Milan [composer] (1990)
Moonlight and Valentino [composer] (1995)
Mrs. Doubtfire [composer] (1993)
Nadine [composer] (1987)
Naked Lunch [composer] (1992)
Nobody's Fool [composer] (1994)
Nothing Lasts Forever [composer] (1984)
Philadelphia [composer] (1993)
Places in the Heart [additional music producer] (1984)
Postcards from the Edge [composer] (1990)
Postcards from the Edge [supervisor] (1990)
Prelude to a Kiss [composer] (1992)
Prelude to a Kiss [musical conductor] (1992)
Ransom [composed, but was rejected] (1996)
Scanners [composer] (1980)
She-Devil [composer] (1989)
Seven [composer] (1995)
Signs of Life [composer] (1989)
Silence of the Lambs, The [composer] (1991)
Silkwood [music co-ordinator] (1983)
Single White Female [composer] (1992)
Sliver [composer] (1993)
Stalker, The [composer] (1996)
That Thing You Do! [composer] (1996)
That Thing You Do! [scored conducted by] (1996)
Truth About Cats and Dogs, The [composer] (1996)
Truth About Cats and Dogs, The [orchestration] (1996)
Truth About Cats and Dogs, The [orchestra conductor] (1996)
Videodrome [composer] (1983)
White Man's Burden [composer] (1995)
Short, Martin
-------------
"20/20" (1992.12.11)
"67th Annual Academy Awards, The - Cabin Boy Tryouts" [himself] (1995.03.27)
"Associates, The" (1979)
"Completely Mental Misadventures Of Ed Grimley, The" (voice)
"Girls' Night Out: The Young Comedians" (cable)
"I'm a Big Girl Now" (1980)
"Maniac Mansion" (cable)
"Martin Short Show, The"
"SCTV" (1983)
"Sesame Street's 25th Anniversary" (1994.05.18)
"Spinal Tap Reunion" (1992.12.24)
"Taxi - Jim Joins the Network"
"Tracey Ullman - De Me La Mano" [doctor]
"TV's All Time Classic Comedy" [host] (repeat on 1995.01.25)
(McDonald's training film)
Big Picture, The (1989)
Captain Ron [Martin Harvey] (1992)
Clifford (1994)
Cross My Heart (1987)
Family Man, The (TV) (1979)
Father of the Bride [Franck Eggelhoffer] (1991)
Father of the Bride Part II [Franck Eggelhoffer] (1995)
Godspell (stage) [1972]
Innerspace (1987)
Lost and Found (1979)
Pebble and the Penguin, The [Voice of Hubie] (1995)
Pure Luck (1991)
Really Weird Tales (TV) (1987)
Sunset Limousine (TV) (1983)
Three Amigos! (1986)
Three Fugitives (1989)
We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story [voice] (1993)
Silverman, Sarah
----------------
"Politically Incorrect" (cable) [herself] (1996.02.16)
"Seinfeld" [Emily] (1997.01.16)
"State of the Union Undressed" (cable) [herself] (1996.01.23)
Smigel, Rob
-----------
"American Sports Awards" (1993.03.??)
"Comedy Salute to Michael Jordan" (1991.07.??)
"Late Night with Conan O'Brien" [producer]
"Late Night with Conan O'Brien" [head writer]
"Dana Carvey Show, The" [various characters]
"Dana Carvey Show, The" [executive producer]
"Dana Carvey Show, The" [writer]
Smith, GE
---------
(Bob Dylan Tour)
(Hall & Oates member from 1979 to 1985)
(Hall & Oates Big Bam Boom tour)
(Hall & Oates H2O tour)
(Hall & Oates Private Eyes tour)
(Live Aid concert)
(musical director on Dick Dale special)
Adult Education (music video)
Big Bam Boom (H&O album)
Family Man (music video)
Gilda Live (1980)
Go Solo (music video)
H2O (H&O album)
Jingle Bell Rock (music video)
Maneater (music video)
Method of Modern Love (music video)
Private Eyes (H&O album)
Private Eyes (music video)
Rock and Soul Part One (H&O album)
Say It Isn't So (music video)
Voices (H&O album)
X-Static (H&O album)
Your Imagination (music video)
Spade, David
------------
"2nd Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards" [presenter] (1996.03.06)
"Adam Sandler's Poly... Chronology" (cable) [himself] (1996)
"Baywatch"
"Girls' Night Out: The Young Comedians" (cable)
"HBO Young Comedian's Special" (cable)
"Just Shoot Me"
"Larry Sanders Show, The" (cable) (1992.12.16)
"MTV Music Awards" (cable) (1992.09.09)
(1-800-COLLECT commercials)
Black Sheep (1996)
Buddy (short video)
Coneheads, The [Turnbull] (1993)
Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag (1997)
Light Sleeper
PCU
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol [Kyle] (1987)
Reality Bites
Steve Polychronopolous (music video) [police officer] (1996)
They're All Gonna Laugh at You (cd)
Tommy Boy [Richard Hayden] (1995)
Very Brady Sequel, A [Sergio] (1996)
Stephenson, Pamela
------------------
"Not the Nine O'Clock News"
Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)
Comeback, The (1978)
Finders Keepers (1984)
History of the World - Part 1 (1981)
Les Patterson Saves the World (1990)
Private Collection (1972)
Scandalous (1984)
Superman III (1983)
Stiller, Ben
------------
"Ben Stiller Show, The" [himself] (1992)
"Ben Stiller Show, The" [director] (1992)
"Ben Stiller Show, The" [producer] (1992)
"Ben Stiller Show, The" [writer] (1992)
"Ben Stiller Show, The" (cable) [himself]
"Duckman" (cable) [voice]
"MTV Music Awards" (cable) [presenter] (1994.09.08)
"MTV Movie Awards" (cable) (1996.06.??)
"Saturday Night Special" [host] (1996.04.20)
Cable Guy, The [director] (1996)
Empire of the Sun (1988)
Flirting With Disaster (1996)
Fresh Horses [Tipton] (1988)
Happy Gilmore (1996)
Heavyweights (1994)
Highway to Hell [Attila the Hun] (1990)
Highway to Hell [Pluto's Cook] (1990)
Hot Pursuit [Chris Honeywell] (1987)
If Lucy Fell [Bwick] (1996)
Next of Kin [Lawrence] (1989)
Reality Bites [Michael Grates] (1994)
Reality Bites [director] (1994)
Stella (1990)
Working Trash (TV) (1990)
Sweeney, Julia
--------------
"Emmy Awards" (1992.08.??)
"Hope & Gloria" [Charity] (1995.11.19)
"Lifetime Applauds the Fight Against Breast Cancer" (cable) [herself] (1995.12.20)
Barefoot Exective, The (TV) [Thelma] (1995.11.11)
Coneheads, The [Principal] (1993)
Gremlins 2 The New Batch [Lab Receptionist] (1990)
Honey, I Blew Up the Kid [Nosey Neighbor] (1992)
It's Pat [Pat Riley] (1994)
It's Pat [writer] (1994)
Neighbor (music video)
Pulp Fiction [Raquel] (1994)
Stuart Saves His Family [Mea Culpa] (1995)
Vegas Vacation (1997)
Sweeney, Terry
--------------
"Seinfeld" [Keith]
Shag [writer] (1989)
Vance, Danitra
--------------
Colored Museum, The (stage) [airplane stewardess]
Colored Museum, The (stage) [pregnant girl]
Colored Museum, The (stage) [woman with talking wigs]
Cover Girl and the Cop, The (TV) (1989)
Hangin' with the Homeboys (1991)
Jumpin at the Boneyard (1991)
Limit Up (1989)
Little Man Tate (1991)
Spunk (stage)
Sticky Fingers (1988)
War of the Roses, The (1989)
Vitale, Dan
-----------
Walls, Nancy
------------
My Mother's Fleabag (college improv group)
Pinata Full of Bees (stage)
Second City (improv group)
Wayans, Damon
-------------
"In Living Color" (1990)
"Still Standing" (cable)
"Waynehead" [voice of Damey Wayne] (1996)
"Waynehead" [creator] (1996)
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
Blankman (1994)
Bulletproof (1996)
Celtic Pride (1996)
Colors (1988)
Earth Girls Are Easy (1989)
Hollywood Shuffle (1987)
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)
Last Boy Scout, The (1991)
Last Stand?, The [himself] (1991)
Look Who's Talking Too [voice] (1990)
Mo' Money (1992)
Punchline (1988)
Roxanne (1987)
Wolf, Fred
----------
"Comics Only" (cable) [announcer]?
Zweibel, Alan
-------------
"It's Garry Shandling's Show" (cable) [producer]
"It's Garry Shandling's Show" (cable) [writer]
"It's Garry Shandling's Show" (cable) [creator]
Bunny Bunny (stage)
North (movie novelization)
North [Coach] (1994)
North [producer] (1994)
North [something else] (1994)
North [writer] (1994)
Roseanne Roseannedanna's "Hey, Get Back to Work!" Book (book)
Thanks to:
The cast and crew of "Saturday Night"
Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad (co-authors of 'Saturday Night: A backstage
history of Saturday Night Live')
The movie database server (mo...@ibmpcug.co.uk)
obiwan <obi...@netcom.com>
James C Carson <jca...@hubcap.clemson.edu>
Jon Austin <ja2...@mothra.acs.appstate.edu>
David R. Jaracz <d_ja...@oz.plymouth.edu>
Richard Gassan <GASSAN%A1.OUVA...@ouvaxa.cats.ohiou.edu>
Jeffrey Neau <je...@cray.com>
Jared D. Brame
David McAnally <d...@maths.uq.oz.au>
Jennifer Laurie <Jennifer....@nd.edu>
Bill Reeves <bre...@us.oracle.com>
John J Cassidy <cas...@cps.msu.edu>
Steve Moss <steve...@support.com>
Marlon Shows <sh...@athena.mit.edu>
Steve Portigal <ste...@snowhite.cis.uoguelph.ca>
DANIEL BENJAMIN SALTZSTEIN <dbsa...@unix.amherst.edu>
Joshua Epstein <joshua....@trincoll.edu>
Pete Barlow <PMBA...@MIAVX1.ACS.MUOHIO.EDU>
Delilah the Delirious <eah...@orion.oac.uci.edu>
Scott Rixon <sri...@sol.uvic.ca>
Eric Matsuda <emat...@west.darkside.com>
RiffRaff <PCO...@wvnvm.wvnet.edu>
Dave Mackey <dma...@cybercomm.net>
Anders Uhl Pedersen <a...@ddci.dk>
Chuck G. <chu...@sugar.NeoSoft.COM>
Mark Yocom <myo...@gonzo.cc.wwu.edu>
Don Porter <d...@saturn.wustl.edu>
Harry McCracken <hmccr...@BIX.com>
Greenpeace -- DC <waste...@igc.apc.org>
Adam Lipkin <ali...@emoryu1.cc.emory.edu>
craw...@Arizona.EDU
Andrew Ku <a...@leland.stanford.edu>
Peter Naegele <pna...@uoft02.utoledo.edu>
Theresa Pham <eah...@ea.oac.uci.edu>
Karen E. Lewis (ba amst) <kle...@umbc.edu>
James Dinan <di...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu>
ANDREW D SHORE <ash...@welchlink.welch.jhu.edu>
R 6061 Mr Lee/Chaudhry <l...@hp.rmc.ca>
Keith Privett <72704...@compuserve.com>
Edward Jong <jo...@mdd.comm.mot.com>
Darren (d.b.) Boucher <dmsd...@bnr.ca>
Haynes Lee <l...@hp.rmc.ca>
JASON LANDSBACH <LAND...@vaxa.clarion.edu>
HIS LARRYSHIP <LMS...@delphi.com>
BMomc...@aol.com
Richard Barham <richard...@chrysalis.org>
Ed Johnson-Ott <PBB...@prodigy.com>
darren (d.b.) boucher <dar...@bnr.ca>
Michael Leach <mwl...@yorku.ca>
Dekko <de...@rci.ripco.com>
Jacob Huebert <aa...@yfn.ysu.edu>
Don Hagemann <u14...@UICVM.CC.UIC.EDU>
Jen L.
Tresa Raymer <Tresa_...@tvratings.com>
Jason Ellis <jel...@lab.lander.edu>
Jerry R. Blevins <jrbl...@edcen.ehhs.cmich.edu>
James J. Dinan <di...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu>
dennis erokan <Denn...@eworld.com>
Dana Holm Howard <dana...@ix.netcom.com>
janelle l. williams <jan...@ionet.net>
Greenpeace -- DC <waste...@igc.apc.org>
DXF...@aol.com
Kim Bjarkman <flo...@omni.cc.purdue.edu>
Haynes Lee <l...@hp.rmc.ca>
Special big thanks to:
The Internet Movie Database: http://www.imdb.com/
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/other-credits
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/other-credits.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/other-credits/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
--
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/characters
Last-modified: 1997/02/20
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Recurring Characters
==============================================
Saturday Night Recurring Characters is a list of recurring characters
from NBC's Saturday Night. I have tried to limit the list to recurring
characters, but some of the single appearance characters have been
memorable enough to list them anyway. I'm also listing anytime a
player has done a celebrity. There have also been hosts that have
played recurring characters. A few of them have been added at the
end of the list.
Recurring Player's Characters:
==============================
Aykroyd, Dan
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Elwood Blues
Yortuk Festrunk (a wild and crazy guy)
Jimmy Carter
Richard Nixon
Beldar Singh Conehead
Leonard Pinth-Garnell
Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute
Tom Snyder
Bass-O-Matic pitchman
Shark Hunter
Mel (of Mel's Char Palace)
Mel (of Mel's Hide House)
Julia Child
E. Buzz Miller
Senator Robert Dole
Erwin Mainway
chef at Olympia Cafe
Ex-Police
Jason (drug user)
Norge refrigerator repairman
Scottish restaurant owner
Rod Serling
Clark Gable
a bee
Aykroyd, Peter
--------------
Java Junkie
Banks, Morwenna
---------------
Belushi, Jim
------------
Willie Nelson
Captain Kangaroo
Rappin' Jimmy B
Santa, the Terminator
Rosemary Cloony
Jennifer Beals
Richard Donner
Hulk Hogan
Joan Collins
Michael Reagan
Belushi, John
-------------
Joliet Jake Blues
The Samurai
Pete (Olympia Cafe owner)
Leader of the Coneheads
Henry Kissinger
Shark Hunter
Ludwig von Beethoven
Captain of The Raging Queen
Fred Silverman
Elizabeth Taylor
Joe Cocker
Windowpane Watson (drug user)
Rasputin
Damien (from The Omen)
Truman Capote
Humphrey Bogart
Head of Sodom Tourism Bureau
a bee
Marlon Brando
Danny Thomas
Billy Gray
James T. Kirk/William Shatner
Leonid Breznev
Larry Paisner (Husband of Bobbie Paisner)
Bud Grant (Minnesota Vikings Coach)
Breuer, Jim
-----------
Matt Leblanc
Brooks, Albert
--------------
himself
Brown, A. Whitney
-----------------
Weekend Update commentator
Cahill, Beth
------------
Tri-Delt
Denise Swerski (Miss South Side of Chicago)
Marcia Brady
Carvey, Dana
------------
Garth Algar
George Bush
H. Ross Perot
Grumpy Old Man
Casey Kasem
Dennis Miller
John McLaughlin
Enid Strict (The Church Lady)
Hans
Johnny Carson
Carsenio
Massive Headwound Harry
Scott Hamilton
Strom Thurmond
Jimmy Stewart
Regis Philbin
Jerry Brown
Chris (Pat's SO)
Dan Quayle
John Travolta
Michael J. Fox
Bob Dylan
Lyle the Effeminate Heterosexual
Asian store owner (his name might be Ching Chang)
Prince Charles
Woody Allen
"guy in restuarant who says, 'Wait at the bar'"
a Sammie
George F. Will
Frank Zappa
Al Pacino
Ted Koppel
Derek Stevens (the "choppin' broccoli" singer)
Mickey Rooney
Neil Young
Jim McKay
David Lee Roth
George Michael
Kirk Cameron
Paul McCartney
Prince Albert
Richard Gephardt
Jimmy Carter
Keanu Reeves
Kahn
George Plimpton
Chase, Chevy
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Gerald Ford
The Shark
a bee
Mr. Spock/Leonard Nimoy
Cleghorne, Ellen
----------------
Queen Shenequa
Zarada (NBC page)
Anita Hill
Natalie Cole
Amy Fisher
Sister Souljah
Patti LaBelle
Mary J. Blige
Dr. Dre
Kim Wayans
Anita Baker
Marla Gibbs
Robin Quivers
Guinan/Whoopi Goldberg
Joycelyn Elders
Tina Turner
Alfre Woodard
Coe, George
-----------
Crystal, Billy
--------------
Fernando
Buddy Young Jr.
Sammy Davis Jr.
Frankie (the "don't you hate it when" guy)
Muhammand Ali
Kitty Brynner
Ted Baxter
Joe Franklin
Prince
? Howard Cosell
Herve Villechaize
Christopher Guest's idiot bowling buddy
Pop (of Rice Krispies)
Joe Garagiola
Dr. Haing S. Ngor
Al Minkman
Lou Goldman
Little Caesar (wrestler)
Adam Ant??
Curtin, Jane
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Prymaat Conehead
Mrs. Widette
Mrs. Loopner
Joan Face
Iris de Flaminio
Ann Landers
Eleanor Roosevelt
Rula Lenska
Pat Nixon
Betty Ford
a Rhondette
a bee
Vivian Vance
Dolly Parton
Barbara Billingsley
Jane Wyatt
Joan Crawford
Cusack, Joan
------------
Brooke Shields
Jane Fonda
Davis, Tom
----------
Incredible Kiss-Ass
Dillon, Denny
-------------
Amy Carter
Pinky Waxman
Yoko Ono
teenager Debbie (Vicki's friend)
Downey Jr., Robert
------------------
Downey, Jim
-----------
Doyle-Murray, Brian
-------------------
Weekend Update anchor
Jerry Falwell
Rod Serling
Ken Anderson
Albert Einstein
Colonel Tom Parker
Duke, Robin
-----------
Wendy Whiner
Mrs. T
Shari Lewis (with Lambchop)
Paulette Clooney
Shelley Winters
Eva Braun
Dunn, Nora
----------
Leona Helmsley
Pat Stevens
Linda Dano
Marilyn Quayle
Patricia Schroeder
Liz Sweeney
Martina Navratilova
Babette (Weekend Update Correspondent)
Ann Landers
Joan Baez
Tyne Daly/Mary Beth Lacey
Donna Rice
Mary Hart
Ashley Ashley
Peggy Lee
Liza Minelli
Wayne Campbell's mom
Barbara Bush
Jeane Kirkpatick
Denise Venetti
Imelda Marcos
Raisa Gorbachev
Ebersole, Christine
-------------------
Weekend Update anchor
Princess Diana
Mary Travers (from Peter, Paul, and Mary)
Britt Ekland
Cheryl Tiegs
Rona Barrett
Fallon, Siobhan
---------------
Tri-Delt
Farley, Chris
-------------
Carney Wilson
Tom Arnold
Jack Germond
Boris Yeltsin
Middle-Aged Man's Drinking Buddy
Superfan Todd O'Connor
B-Fats
Howell Heflin
Mama Cass
affectionate restaurant worker/hotel worker
Cindy (Christie and Lucy's boss from The Gap)
Sandman the Clown
SuperPope
Bennett Brauer
General Norman Schwartzkopf
worker at Hub's Gyros
The Skipper (from Gilligan's Island)
George Wendt/Hillary Norman Peterson
Meatloaf
John Kruk
Matt Foley (the motivational speaker)
Andrew Giuliani
John Madden
Mr. O'Malley (Herlihy Boy assistant/manager)
Chris Farley of the Chris Farley Show
Jerry Garcia
Lori Davis (from the hair products infomercial)
Gerard Depardieu
Newt Gingrich
Ferrell, Will
-------------
Craig Buchanan (East Lake High Spartan Spirit)
Marv Levey
Ted Kazinsky
Franken, Al
-----------
Stuart Smalley
Senator Paul Simon
Pat Robertson
Paul Tsongas
Henry Kissinger
Jim Bakker
Lyndon LaRouche
Weekend Update mobile reporter
Garofalo, Janeane
-----------------
Gasteyer, Ana
-------------
Gottfried, Gilbert
------------------
Leo Waxman
Roman Polanski
Gross, Mary
-----------
Weekend Update anchor
Alfalfa
Chichi
Mary Tyler Moore
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Celeste (married to Tim Kazurinsky's nerdy guy)
El Dorko's waitress
Siobhan Cahill
Geraldine Ferraro
Pee Wee Herman
Margaret Thatcher
Harriet Nelson
Marilyn Monroe
Brooke Shields
Eleanor Roosevelt
Leslie Uggams
Lena Horne
Mary Todd Lincoln
Ann Landers
Anne Burford
Guest, Christopher
------------------
Saturday Night News anchor
Willie (the "don't you hate it when" guy)
Nigel Tufnel
Murray Slaughter (from MTM)
Red Skelton
PI Rajiv Vinderlu
coach of the synchronized swimming brothers
Billy Crystal's idiot bowling buddy
Crackle (of Rice Krispies)
James Mason
Alan Arkin
Senor Cosa
Herb Minkman
Hall, Anthony Michael
---------------------
Art Garfunkel
Bobby Kennedy
Daryl Hall
one of the Jones Brothers
Hall, Brad
----------
Saturday Night News anchor
Larry (of Larry's Corner)
John Hinckley
Mike (friend of El Dorko)
The Human Stapler
John Delorean
Walter Mondale
William F. Buckley
Hall, Rich
----------
Osgood Charles
David Byrne
Doug Flutie
Doug Henning
Paul Harvey
Wandering Man
Bernard Goetz
Vince McMahon
Mark Goodman
Caspar Weinberger
Hammond, Darrell
----------------
Ted Koppel
Bill Clinton
Phil Donahue
Newt Gingrich
Richard Dreyfus
Hartman, Phil
-------------
Bill Clinton
Ted Kennedy
Barbara Bush
Frank Sinatra
Gene, The Anal Retentive Chef/Fisherman/Carpenter
Ed McMahon
Frankenstein
Cirroc (Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer)
Jack Nicholson
James Stockdale
Ronald Reagan
Jack Kemp
Joseph A. Wapner
Donald Trump
Santa Claus
Lee Iacocca
Phil Donahue
Kenny Rogers
Charlton Heston
Zeus
Kelsey Grammer/Dr. Frasier Crane
Burt Reynolds
Michael Eisner
Officer Miller
Frank Gifford
Jesus Christ
Telly Savalas
Russell Clark (senior editor of Sassy)
Susan (from Sprockets)
Sam Walton?
David Brinkley
Pat Buchanan
Lt. Worf/Michael Dorn
Jimmy Johnson
Elton John
Chick Hazard, P.I.
Jimmy the Greek
Dick Button
Liberace
Ray Combs
Roy Halston
Peter Graves
Roger Ebert
Michael Caine
Helmut (Hans & Franz whipping boy)
Beev Algar
John Tower
Robert Packwood
Robert Palmer
Oral Roberts
Jim Bakker
Verne Lundquist
Tyler, Chieftain of the T-Birds
Johnny Cash
Andy Griffith
Mario Cuomo
Robert McFarlane
Bill Franklin (game show host)
Bruce Babbitt
Jimmy The Greek
Jimmy Swaggart
Wilford Brimley
Albert Goldman
Hooks, Jan
----------
Hillary Clinton
Sinead O'Connor
Kitty Dukakis
Diane Sawyer
Dee Kelly
Candy Sweeney
Ivana Trump
Mrs. Claus
woman who swore in Dan Quayle (Sandra Day O'Connor?)
Jessica Hahn
Diane Sawyer
Nancy Reagan
Jean Marsh
Diana Ross
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Mia Farrow
Tammy Faye Bakker
Marge Kiester
Sally Jesse Raphael
Sally Kellerman
Corazon Aquino
Shirley Maclaine
Elizabeth Dole
Peggy Fleming
Tracy Ullman
Bette Davis
Betty Ford
Nancy Simmons (friend of Wayne & Garth)
Susan Dey
Marla Maples
Tammy Wynette
Nancy Glass
Hutsell, Melanie
----------------
Jan Brady
Tori Spelling
Tammy Wynette
Tri-Delt
Monica Seles
Amy Fisher (as portrayed by Tori Spelling)
Anne Murray
Wynona Judd
Ricki Lake
Tonya Harding
Mayim Bialik/Blossom
Charo
Jackson, Victoria
-----------------
Roseanne Arnold
Edie Gorme
Cyndi Lauper
Rob Lowe
Cindy Brady
Nancy Maloney (singer at Johnny Spimozo's)
Toonces' owner
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Jenny Baker (pious girl Church Lady accuses of sinning)
Fawn Hall
Donna Rice
Tipper Gore
Kattan, Chris
-------------
Roxbury guy
Kaufman, Andy
-------------
Elvis Presley
"Mighty Mouse lip syncher"
Kazurinsky, Tim
---------------
Paul Simon
Abna Guteim Vishnuberhier (the "Gandhi" guy)
Dr. Jack Betoffsky (the news doctor with the wacky diseases)
Mr. Robinson's landlord
Marvin (married to Mary Gross' nerdy lady)
Dr. Strangelove
the "I Married a Monkey" guy
Adolf Hitler
Larry "Bud" Melman
Menachem Begin
Moe Howard
Worthington Clotman
Ozzy Osbourne
Johnny Cash
David Stockman
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Forrest Gregg
Seiko
Klaus Barbie
Gary Hart
Wayne Huevos
Gandhi
Kightlinger, Laura
------------------
Koechner, David
---------------
Fagin
Charlie Sheen
Senator Phil Gramm
Oliver Stone?
Pat Buchanan
Jesse Jackson
Kroeger, Gary
-------------
Walter Mondale
Writer for "First Draft Theater"
Dwight McNamara
Julio Iglesias
Alan Alda
El Dorko
Ira Needleman (the singing oral surgeon)
Donny Osmond
Paul Shaffer
Yassir Arafat
Ted Kennedy
Larry Fine
Dustin Hoffman
Steve Bell
Bobby Kennedy
Carl Sagan
Bruce Springsteen
Louis-Dreyfus, Julia
--------------------
Consuela (friend of Chi Chi)
Rhoda from Mary Tyler Moore
Diana Ross
Patty Lynn Hunsacker (a teenage girl)
Linda Ronstadt
Nina Blackwood
Marie Osmond
Trudy
April May June
Linda Ellerbee
Becky (friend of El Dorko)
Joanne Worley
Weather Woman
Nastassia Kinski
Joanna Carson
Dr. Helen Caldicott
Joan Mondale
Lovitz, Jon
-----------
Tommy Flanagan (Pathological Liars Anonymous)
Jonathan Jan Kolavecci (The Master Thespian)
Tonto
Satan
Michael Dukakis
Harvey Fierstein
Hanukkah Harry
Annoying Man
Frenchie
Caspar Weinberger
Queen Elizabeth II
"I'm a jerk/out of my league guy"
Evelyn Quince
character similar to Grumpy Old Man
David Crosby
Ringo Starr
Eddie Spimozo (owner of the Jungle Room)
Host of "Tales of Ribaldry"
Gene Shalit
The Amazing Alexander
Sylvester Stallone
Tommy Lasorda
Howie Mandel
Don Adams
Raul Allegre
David (guy obsessed with Woody Allen)
Ivan Boesky
F. Murray Abraham
Douglas Ginsburg
Muammar Kaddafi
Jerry Tarkanian
Robert Bork
Manuel Noriega
Raymond Burr
Judd Nelson
Paul Sarbanes
Bob (Teeny Cafe pianist)
Marv Albert
Pablo Picasso
"Get to know me!" guy from Weekend Update
MacDonald, Norm
---------------
Weekend Update correspondent
Senator Bob Dole
Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Charles Kuralt
Andy Rooney
Flea
George Burns
Matthius, Gail
--------------
Weekend Update anchor
teenager Vicki (Debbie's friend)
Nancy Reagan
Irene Cara
McKean, Michael
---------------
David St. Hubbins
Howard Stern
Lenny Kosnowski (from Laverne and Shirley)
Vincent Price
Jeffrey Dahmer
Elvis Costello
Robert Shapiro
Gary Busey
Spaulding Gray
McKinney, Mark
--------------
Lucien Callow
Steve Forbes
Gus Van Sant Jr.?
Chicken Lady
Darrill
Meadows, Tim
------------
Bernard Shaw
Clarence Thomas
Montel Williams
Sammy Davis Jr.
Handsome Black Guy
Joey Buttafuoco
old man from "Tales from the Barbeque"
Billy Dee Williams
Ike Turner
Todd Bridges
Snoop Doggy Dog
Russell Simmons
David Dinkins
Dion Sanders
Luther Vandross
Bryant Gumble
Captain Jim
Geordi LaForge/Levar Burton
Isaac the Bartender/Ted Lange
Michael Jackson
James Baldwin
Aaron Neville
Greg Gumbel
Denzel Washington
Ed Bradley
OJ Simpson
Al Cowlings
General Colin Powell
Johnny Cochran
Darius Rucker (from Hootie and the Blowfish)
Spike Lee
Dong King
G-Dawg
Michaels, Lorne
---------------
"the producer"
Miller, Dennis
--------------
Weekend Update anchor
Gary Hart
Koko the Clown
George Harrison
Mohr, Jay
---------
Christopher Walken
Andrew McCarthey
Kenny G
Sean Penn
Don Rickles
Dick Vitale
Anthony Kiedis
Morgan, Tracy
-------------
Morris, Garrett
---------------
Chico Escuela
Assistant Leader of the Coneheads
Cliff (Czech brothers' friend)
Weekend Update translator
Sammy Davis Jr.
Uncle Remus
Elle Fitzgerald
Tina Turner
Diana Ross
Pearl Bailey
Cicely Tyson
Flip Wilson's Geraldine
a bee
Murphy, Eddie
-------------
Buh-Weet
Gumby
Mr. Robinson
James Brown
Stevie Wonder
Bill Cosby
Velvet Jones
Desmond Tutu
Dion Dion
Solomon
Raheem Abdul Muhammed
Little Richard Simmons
Tyrone Green
Mr. T
announcer for "Happy's Mayonnaise" restaurant
Alfred J. Shabazz (host of Black History Minute)
Mr. White
John David Stutts
Jesse Jackson?
Mohammed Ali
Jerry Lewis
Michael Jackson
Herschel Walker
Sammy Davis Jr.
Murray, Bill
------------
Weekend Update anchor
Nick (the lounge singer)
counterboy at Olympia Cafe
Todd LaBounta/DiLaMuca
David Susskind
host of "Quien Es Mas Macho?"
Walter Cronkite
Ex-Police
Earl of Sandwich
Father Alducci
Hercules
Charlie (of Pre-Chew Charlie's restaurant)
Jerry Aldini
Cary Grant
Myers, Mike
-----------
Wayne Campbell
Dieter
Lothar
Simon
Paul Baldwin
Linda Richman
Middle-Aged Man
Steve Lawrence
David Koresh
Superfan Pat Arnold
Tom Vu
Judy Garland
Lank Thompson (The Handsome Guy)
Mick Jagger
Charlie Sheen
George Stephanopoulos
John Ratzenberger/Clifford Claven
Stewart (owner of "All Things Scottish")
Carl Sagan
Joey Lawrence
Kenneth Reese Evans aka Cucumber Jones (host of "Theatre Stories")
Jean Chretien (PM of Canada)
Barbra Streisand
John Bobbitt
Phillip (the hyperactive kid)
Garth Brooks
Jonathan Pryce
Mark Linn-Baker
Ron Wood
Judge Lance Ito
Nealon, Kevin
-------------
Weekend Update anchor
Sam Donaldson
Mr. Subliminal
Tarzan
Franz
Rob Schneider
Mort Kondracke or Fred Barnes
Joseph Biden
Pierre Du Pont IV
Al Gore
Doug Llewelyn
Kirstie Alley's husband
Larry King
Superman
Greg Brady
Kevin Kline
Poseidon
Jay Leno
Ted Danson/Sam Malone
Mr. No Depth Perception
Charlie (abartender at Johnny Spimozo's)
a Sammie
Kenny Rogers
James Taylor
Frank Gannon, P.I.P.I.
Rudolf Giuliani
Brent Musberger
Ted Wass/Nick Russo (of Blossom)
Michael Bolton
Don Regan
Gene Siskel
Michael Deaver
Senator Lloyd Bentsen
Joseph Hazelwood
Richard Chamberlin
Sam Nunn
LeRoy Neiman
Elvis Presley
Bill Walsh
Senator Bill Bradley
Newman, Laraine
---------------
Conjaab Conehead
Lady Pinth-Garnell
woman who drinks Bass-O-Matic products
waitress at Olympia Cafe
Beethoven's chambermaid
Christie Christina
Rosalynn Carter
Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme
Sunshine (drug user)
Maxine Universe
Carole King
woman at Nick's lounge acts
a Rhondette
a bee
Katherine Hepburn
Shirley Temple
Patty Hearst
Novello, Don
------------
Father Guido Sarducci
O'Donoghue, Michael
-------------------
Mr. Mike
Elvis Presley
Tony Orlando
Mike Douglas
Oteri, Cheri
------------
Arianna (East Lake High Spartan Spirit)
Mrs. Delvecchio
Debbie Reynolds
Ross Perot
Fran Drescher
Pardo, Don
----------
The Announcer
Piscopo, Joe
------------
Frank Sinatra
Doug Whiner
David Letterman
Paulie Herman/The Jersey Guy
Blair
Pudge
Tom Snyder
Ed McMahon
Alfred E. Neuman
Jimmy Carter
Jim Fowler
Dan Rather
Ted Koppel
Ronald Reagan
Phil Donahue
Abraham Lincoln
Sports Guy (SNL Newsbreak correspondent)
Mr. Wonderful
Joan Rivers
Andy Rooney
Jerry Lewis
Allan Funt
Paul Harvey
Rex Reed
Curly Howard
John McEnroe
John Kenneth Galbraith
Pope John Paul II
Pat Cooper
Doug Llewelyn
Winston Churchill
Peter Marshall
David Hartman
Leonard Nimoy
Lee Iacocca
Jesse Jackson
James Watt
Pokey
Steve Lawrence
John Kennedy
Karl Malden
Richard Nixon
Dean Martin
Barbra Streisand
Tom Carvel
Lorne Greene
Quaid, Randy
------------
Ronald Reagan
Vlad the Impaler
Ed McMahon
host of "The Limits of Your Imagination"
Bat Masterson
John F. Kennedy
Joaqin Andujar
Gregory Peck
Bob Guccione
Lyle Alzado
Quinn, Colin
------------
Radner, Gilda
-------------
Emily Litella
Roseanne Roseannadanna
Baba Wawa
Judy Miller
Lisa Loopner
Rhonda Weiss
Mrs. Mel (of Mel's Char Palace)
Beethoven's chambermaid
Lady Douchebag
Lillian Carter
Candy Slice
Lucille Ball?
a bee
Nadia Comenici
Christina Crawford
Bobbie Paisner
Risley, Ann
-----------
Rosalynn Carter
Rock, Chris
-----------
Nat X
On-Ski (guy from "I'm Chilling")
young man from "Tales from the Barbeque"
Luther Campbell
Long Dong Silver
Nipsy Russell
Michael Jackson
Willie Nelson
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Willie Horton
Buster Jenkins (Weekend Update correspondent)
Eddie Murphy
Rocket, Charles
---------------
Weekend Update anchor
Marlin Perkins
Ronald Reagan
David Rockefeller
Rosato, Tony
------------
Chef Marcello
Sylvester Stallone
Ed Meese
Rip Taylor
Yassir Arafat
Lou Costello
Richard Nixon
Captain Kangaroo
Abraham Lincoln
Sandler, Adam
-------------
Opera Man
Cajun Man
Sleepyhead
affectionate restaurant worker/hotel worker
over-analytical audience member
Allen (Canteen Boy)
Iraqi Pete
Lucy (from The Gap)
Bill Cosby
Axl Rose
Peter Brady
worker at Hub's Gyros
Rhea Perlman/Carla Tortelli
Eddie Vedder (of Pearl Jam)
Brian (Denise's boyfriend)
Tim Herlihy
Richard Lewis
Bono
Pauly Shore
Pedro
David Brenner
Bruce Springsteen
Total Bastard Airlines passenger
Schneider, Rob
--------------
Richard Laimer (The Rich-man!)
The Sensitive Naked Guy
Mr. Casual Sex
affectionate restaurant worker/hotel worker
Elvis Presley
Billy Crystal
Orgasm Man
l'Homme d'Orgasme
Tammy Ledbetter
Emilio Estevez
Paul Simon
Bobby Brady
worker at Hub's Gyros
Fred Schneider (of the B-52's)
"Out of Africa Primitive Art" clerk (you put your weed in it)
Edward G. Robinson
k.d. lang
host of "Rob Schneider's Girlfriend Theatre"
Data/Brent Spiner
Tammy (worker at Donut Hut)
Jeff Gillooly
Shaffer, Paul
-------------
Don Kirshner
Shannon, Molly
--------------
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Ann Miller
Courtney Love
Shearer, Harry
--------------
Frank Reynolds
Jack Perkins
Earl Blackwell
Tom Snyder?
Mike Wallace
Derek Smalls
Ronald Reagan
Gerald (the synchronized swimmer)
Robin Leach
Tom Brokaw
Vin Scully
Shore, Howard
-------------
himself
Short, Martin
-------------
Ed Grimley
Doug Henning
Katharine Hepburn
Nathan Thurm (the nervous lawyer)
Jackie Rogers Jr.
Mick Jagger
Irving Cohn
Martina Navratilova
Lawrence Orbach (the synchronized swimmer)
Lawrence Orbach (the idiot cop, the idiot soldier)
Martin
Robin Williams
Snap (of Rice Krispies)
Lawrence Grossman
Paul Simon
Silverman, Sarah
----------------
Weekend Update correspondent
Natalie Merchant
Cher
Smigel, Rob
-----------
Superfan Carl Walarski
worker at Hub's Gyros
Smith, GE
---------
himself?
guitarist for the Church Lady's band
Spade, David
------------
Hollywood Minute reporter
annoying receptionist for Dick Clark
H. Ross Perot double
Michael J. Fox
Christy (from The Gap)
Casey Casum?
Tom Petty
Matthew Broderick
Woody Harrelson/Woodrow Tiberius Boyd
Crispin Glover
David Pirner (of Soul Asylum)
Don LaPre
Joan Rivers
Kurt Cobain
Scott Hamilton
Total Bastard Airlines flight attendant
Kato Kaelin
Brad Pitt
host of Spade in America
Stephenson, Pamela
------------------
Billy Idol
Madonna
Prince
Joan Collins
Georgette (from Mary Tyler Moore show)
Dame Peggy Ashcroft
Cyndi Lauper
Debbie Henning
Stiller, Ben
------------
Eddie Munster
Wince (Tom Cruise/Color of Money spoof)
Sweeney, Julia
--------------
Pat Riley
Chelsea Clinton
Ethel Merman
Jane Pauley
Loni Anderson
Mrs. Patridge
Naina Yeltsin
Peg Bundy
Nancy Sinatra
Katharine Hepburn
Deanna Troi/Marina Sirtis
Leslie Abramson
Naomi Judd
Sweeney, Terry
--------------
Nancy Reagan
Diana Ross
Linda Evans
Joan Rivers
Teddy Kennedy
Joan Collins
Teri Shields
Vance, Danitra
--------------
Cicely Tyson
"That Black Girl"
Cabrini Green Harlem Watts Jackson
Lola Falana
Vitale, Dan
-----------
Walls, Nancy
------------
Cokie Roberts
Kathy Ireland
Wayans, Damon
-------------
angry comic
Louis Farrakhan
Little Richard
one of the Jones Brothers
Wolf, Fred
----------
Zweibel, Alan
-------------
patient in "Spud Beer" commercial
Recurring Host's Characters:
============================
Alley, Kirstie
--------------
overly sensual wife
Baldwin, Alec
-------------
Marlon Brando's character in the biker movie
the guy that kisses everybody (Greenhilly sketch?)
David Hasselhoff
Bono
Hanks, Tom
----------
Mr. Short Term Memory
host of Sabra Shopping Network
Peter Jennings
"I'm a jerk/out of my league guy"
Aerosmith's roadie
Henry, Buck
-----------
The Samurai's straight man
Uncle Roy
Ron Nessen
John Dean
Lord Douchebag
Idle, Eric
----------
David Frost
Prince Charles
Mantegna, Joe
-------------
Superfan Bill Swerski (only once, but he's a Superfan!)
Martin, Steve
-------------
Theodoric of York
Jorge Festrunk (a wild and crazy guy)
Pope John Paul
James Bond
in Toonces sketches
Palin, Michael
--------------
Miles Cowperthwaite (The Raging Queen cabin boy)
Walken, Christopher
-------------------
The Continental
Wendt, George
-------------
Superfan Bob Swerski
Thanks to:
The cast and crew of "Saturday Night"
Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad (co-authors of 'Saturday Night: A backstage
history of Saturday Night Live')
Fred Chan
Frank Serpas III <ser...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu>
brent williams <bre...@netcom.com>
Richard Muise <richar...@acadiau.ca>
Steamed Rhubarb Fondue <jap...@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu>
Jeffrey Neau <je...@cray.com>
Jeff Wilson <jwi...@ncratl.atlantaga.ncr.com>
Nick Nobile <nic...@cs.concordia.ca>
Bryan Kaufman <bry...@netcom.com>
Ted Manikas <twm...@cislabs.pitt.edu>
Sean Murphy <sean_...@quixote.wpd.sgi.com>
Bj Murphy <bee...@cats.ucsc.edu>
Tjames Madison <tja...@netcom.com>
Jared D. Brame
Glenn Barton <gl...@cast.uark.edu>
Rick Herrick <rher...@borland.com>
Greg Murphy <gr...@koko.csustan.edu>
Robin Glover <robin....@canrem.com>
Scott Chupack <chu...@engin.umich.edu>
Susan Waters <swa...@cgl.ucsf.edu>
STU <dst...@desire.wright.edu>
Rick Kolenda <ri...@misfit.east.sun.com>
Jim Hulsey <hul...@dbsun.vitek.com>
Andy Wright <adwr...@mit.edu>
Jay Shorten <jsho...@uwovax.uwo.ca>
David Ward <wa...@cae.wisc.edu>
Scott Rixon <sri...@sol.uvic.ca>
Daniel F. Boyd <bo...@cs.buffalo.edu>
Jim Holton <Jim_H...@cellbio.duke.edu>
Wes Wildcat <wil...@niwot.scd.ucar.EDU>
levy michael ( bs cmsc) <mle...@gl.umbc.edu>
Chris Brame
Mark L. Docterman <cis...@gsusgi2.gsu.edu>
Paul D. Herzog <pdhe...@hooter.aud.alcatel.com>
SCOTT E. O'LEARY <o5...@unbsj.ca>
PT <ldmc...@ahs.watstar.uwaterloo.ca>
Bill Poitras <bi...@msi.com>
Lani Teshima-Miller <tes...@uhunix.uhcc.Hawaii.edu>
Don Porter <d...@saturn.wustl.edu>
Greg Sandell <san...@epunix.sussex.ac.uk>
Ginny Farmer <gs...@cornell.edu>
Leger Brent M <bml...@usl.edu>
Doug Donaldson <do...@freefall.junction.net>
Eugene Bryton <bry...@rand.org>
Satoshi Kanazawa <sk...@cornell.edu>
Magnus <Magnus....@radfys.lu.se>
Chris D Quartetti <quar...@dsd.northrop.com>
Mark_Atano...@email.sps.mot.com
Chris D Quartetti <quar...@dsd.northrop.com>
Jennifer Leong <jle...@husc.harvard.edu>
Matthew B. Tepper <du...@deltanet.com>
Dash Rendar <zeny...@injersey.com>
David Prince <pri...@warwick.com>
Kimmie <adr...@talon.net>
Selina Kyle <catw...@m-net.arbornet.org>
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/characters
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/characters.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/characters/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
--
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/deep-thoughts
Last-modified: 1996/03/06
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Deep Thoughts
=======================================
This collection of "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" was posted to alt.tv.snl
by Pat Ryan <ry...@odouls.stx.com>. I also want to thank Chris Gobeil
<ar...@freenet.carleton.ca>, Tom Hemr <tom...@engin.umich.edu>, Michael
Wheeler <mich...@aaa.uoregon.edu>, and Richard Wludyga <wlu...@alleg.EDU>
for sending me Deep Thoughts collections.
* DEEP THOUGHTS *
by Jack Handey
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses
should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your
elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be
"Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then
I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it
with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would
probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw
**** you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my
little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out
warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down."
He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty
good joke.
I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty
late.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call
the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say.
"That's dynamite, baby."
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for
a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably
be able to get a lot of free games.
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack,
above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel
it.
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my
holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said
something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started
laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's
right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then
everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the
soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end
up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get
embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and
they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion.
For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that
your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the
moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might
call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think
again, bat man."
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin
real fast and freak everybody out.
The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any
toys. But this one little boy had gotten anold enema bag and filled it with
rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with
it. Man, I think my heart almost broke.
Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I
reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the
enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND
Superman away.
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall
under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself:
"Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind".
What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't
just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and
we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when
somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and
bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant
teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
I'd rather be rich than stupid.
If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came
up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea
to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming
and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a
coward.
I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is
the story of Popeye.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they
ever press charges.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and
the dancers hit each other.
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a
solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking
surface attached to the end of a long stick.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free.
To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's
throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered
where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus,
and a clown killed my dad.
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN
HEAD!!
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted
brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look
like a deer.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out
when you're coming home his face might burn up.
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people
happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself
down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person
comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A
jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that
says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right
back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the
students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll
look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet
you can really see it in those genitals.
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck,
and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is
that thing?
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a
woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated.
Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people
laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll
be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I
remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive
and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees
there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever
sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some
stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave
you.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God
is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him
is "Probably because of something you did."
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is
not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an
elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it
should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her
suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke -
just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flipper, which one would you think liked
dolphins the most? I'd say Flipper, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's
Hambone.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her
dinner tasted like.
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't
be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in
town.
I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we
could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I
thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how
I named him Flint.
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct
is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then
it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are
all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were
swimming.
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all
go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It
wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.
When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet,
I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again,
louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
He was a spy, all right, and he knew it. He would walk into a room and people
would go, "Who the **** is that guy, a spy?" He'd laugh to himself, maybe pull
out his gun and show it to the person, to kind of impress him (but not to show
off).
Sometimes spying was dirty work. Sometimes he'd kill a guy, then paint a
clown face on his face. Nobody said he had to do that, but he did it anyway.
So, dirty work.
I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got
Old Yeller, stay in the cellar."
Blow ye winds,
Like the trumpet blows;
But without that noise.
I don't guess I've ever been as scared as when I was waiting in the
principal's office. Finally he came in and sat down. He didn't say anything,
he just looked at me. Then he pulled a copy of Playboy out. "Is this yours?"
he said.
"No," I said, "is this yours?" And I pulled out my penis.
I guess I wasn't as scared as I thought.
If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist.
When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody.
That Alien!
Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that
rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives. In fact, it might be said
that rules have become the foot-long sticks of mankind.
I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does,
because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a "speech
improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech
improvement." I think this makes him feel better.
Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that
Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't
seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a
doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited,
and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor,
and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
Some folks say it was a miracle. St. Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the
next pitch clean over the fence. Other folks say it was just a lucky swing.
I think one reason I could be a good playboy is I would be willing to spend
the time required to really fix up my "pad".
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you
walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you
can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since
he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.
Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and
the interchangeable parts.
If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the
storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think
a good name for him would be Carl.
If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to
be a better way.
I think man invented the car by instinct.
I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and
lit the evil puppet villain on fire.
No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the
human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you
kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity,
as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I
don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say,
"Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."
I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell
sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!
It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a
hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw that
chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."
Sure they eat fish, if that's all you give them! Man, wise up.
I think it's high time we started questioning the old cliches like "Grunt big
for Daddy."
Anybody who has an identity problem had better wise up and get with the
program!
I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the
movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and
running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy
would say, :Hey, let's put him in the movie."
Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked
me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots."
"Good," I said as I gritted my teeth real hard. "Then maybe you and carrots
would like to go into the bedroom and have sex!"
They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch.
I can still recall old Mr. Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a
fresh load of tadpoles to that old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and
round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out,
"Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!"
We all thought he was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do.
I think they should continue the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for
paneling.
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the
earth, and if it opens wider, go, "Whoa! Whoa!" and flail your arms around, as
if you're going to fall in.
One question that's never been answered to my satisfaction by the "Playboy
Advisor" is "What kind of stereo system works best in hell?"
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a
poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet
and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him
about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why
it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road
in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires
popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it
bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar.
Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of
cannibals.
In some places it's known as a tornado. In others, a cyclone. And in still
others, the Idiot's Merry-go-round. But around here they'll always be known as
screw-boys.
I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for
about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and
start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd
say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd
say, "Well, that was easy."
Good joke, huh.
I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That
way, you could ride him, then, after you camped at night, you could eat him.
How about it, science?
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which
you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find
a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you
stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take
off!
Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.
Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is
capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as
you might think.
The prince decided he would learn anger. So he gathered his subjects together
outside his balcony. :Who would teach me anger?" he said.
"**** you!" somebody yelled.
"Okay, how about algebra?" said the prince.
If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do
this: Wait until no one is looking, then kick a burning log out of the
fireplace onto the carpet. Then jump on top of it with your body and yell,
"Log o' fire! Log o' fire!"
I've never done this, but I think it'd work.
As the snow started to fall, he tugged his coat tighter around himself. Too
tight, as it turned out.
"This is the fourth coat crushing this year", said the sergeant as he
outlined the body with a special pencil that writes on snow.
I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetary, they
found fragments of *human bones*! What kind of barbarians were these people,
anyway?
I'll be the first to admit that my idea of God is pretty different. I believe
in a God with a long white beard, a gold crown, and a long robe with lots of
shiny jewels on it. He sits on a big throne in the clouds, and He's about five
hundred feet tall. He talks in a real deep voice like "I...AM...GOD!" He can
blow up stuff just by looking at it.
This is my own, personal idea of God.
Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives
connected by a thin strand.
Come on, Marta. Grow up.
Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy
sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is
everybody ready to start now?"
Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called
the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell
everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's
just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone,
and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five
minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out.
Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of
town. Bye, Cricket Boy.
The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard
and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but
he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the
volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day.
It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out.
Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to
collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke
his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.
If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be "Prince of Weasels",
because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go,
"What the-?" And then they would recognize me, and go, "Oh, it's you, the
Prince of Weasels."
As the sleek new sports car wound its way up the tortuous road, Henri tought
back to the torture he had received ten minutes ago. "Ah, air conditioning",
he thought as he aimed the vents toward the numerous whip marks on his legs,
chest, and groinal area.
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of
these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from
invasion by another group."
"Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh.
Girls are funny.
Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered
an enemy planet.
When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I
got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs on Mars?" When no
one laughed, I was real embarrassed. I don't think people should make you feel
that way.
It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be
carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny dog.
One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.
I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other.
I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teen-ager, I stole a car and
drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I
just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress."
Boy, did I have a lot to learn.
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no
other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out
there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or
factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I
have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain - unless there's
lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a
fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't
hypnotize you.
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I
forgot to put on my pants.
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never
known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and
bitter.
Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fisherman caught a big shark and cut
it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open,
and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person,
because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a
Johnny Combat little toy guy - something like that.
I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car
parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield; so I wrote THIS CAR LOOKS
LIKE A FART in the dirt. Later I asked Marta if she thought it was a childish
thing to do. She said, "Well, maybe," Man, whose side is she on, anyway?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my
"fashionable" shirt, "fashionable" slacks, and a big new rubber manta-ray
helmet. I can't help wondering: Do women want to talk to me for myself, or do
they just want to get a feel of that nice rubber manta skin?
It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple
as wild dogs.
The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him
and called him a fruit.
Man, I hate land like that.
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a
big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get
the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your
balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big
Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it
was real pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it,
like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you . . .
It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we
can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary
Skeletons.
Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a
chirping trout, or listen to the sad howl of the chirp rat, I think: Oh boy!
I'm going insane again.
If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you
should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.
He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's
what I hated about him.
I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls
and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing
around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.
The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large
blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone
asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and
pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've
hidden it.
Good magic trick, huh?
I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk
around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is
probably a joke that gets old real fast.
If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the
professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you
figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.
Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in
Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help,"
she could do it.
When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up
high behind you to keep people from following too close.
If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to
speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.
I wish scientists would come up with an ear of corn that was big and round,
because then when you were eating it, it'd be fun to make chew marks in the
shape of continents.
I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.
I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just
a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they
want to know?
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and
catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway;
that's my point.
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/commercials
Last-modified: 1994/04/08
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Commercial Parodies
=============================================
This is a transcription of various Saturday Night Live parody
commercials.
Included:
1) Happy Fun Ball
2) Grayson Moorhead Securities
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Happy Fun Ball
(kids)
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Happy Fun Ball!
(announcer)
Yes, it's Happy Fun Ball,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!
Get one Today
(background voice)
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid
prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse Sweating
or
* Heart palpitations
If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.
Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of
any and all liability.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.
(announcer)
Happy Fun Ball! Accept no substitutes!
(corrections by Russell Schulz <Russell...@locutus.ofB.ORG>)
------------------------------
Subject: Grayson Moorhead Securities
First broadcast on 21 Oct 1995
- A Tradition of Excellence -
Narrator:
On Wall Street, Trendy investment fads have come and gone over the
years, but not at Grayson Moorhead, where we've always stuck to the
basic principles set forth by Arthur Grayson nearly 80 years ago.
Arthur Grayson:
Our clients must be our first priority.
- The Tradition Endures -
AG:
We will take our client's money and invest it. Part of the profit
we will keep for ourselves; the rest we will give to the client.
- A Tradition of Security -
We will make a list of our clients and how much money each of them
has given us to invest. We will keep this list in a safe place. If
we have time we will make a copy of the list in case something happens
to the first list.
- A Tradition of Listening -
Listen to your client. It's the only way to know what he's saying.
- A Tradition of Trust -
If a client is talking and you're not listening and he notices and
he accuses you of not listening, just say, "Sure I've been listening,
I've heard every word you've said." If he then says, "All right, tell
me what I've been talking about," just say, "You've been talking about
your investments. Which stocks to buy and so on." That way the client
will think you've been listening even though you haven't.
- A Tradition of Integrity -
We will invest only in white-owned businesses.
Not all of Arthur Grayson's principles are followed today, but at
Grayson Moorhead we still believe in the basics.
Don't leave the client's money lying around. Keep it in a safe place.
For example: where we keep the list.
To Arthur Grayson, there was no substitute for knowing the market.
Clients will rely on us for market expertise. If the day ever comes
when a client knows more about the market than we do, copy him. Do
what he does.
- Writing Brokers' Names on Slips of Paper -
Once a year, we will write each broker's name on a slip of paper and
then place the slips in a hat. Each broker will then draw a slip of
paper from the hat. He will buy a gift for the broker whose name he
his drawn. He will be that broker's Secret Santa.
- Drawing Again -
If a broker draws his own name from the hat, he will draw again.
- Taking Special Care -
We must take special care of the list with each client's name and the
amount of money he has invested. If we were to lose that list, we
would be ruined.
- If My Wife Calls -
If my wife calls white I'm in shagging my secretary, tell her I'm
at a board meeting. That way I'll be able to continue shagging my
secretary without my wife knowing about it.
- the tradition continues... -
If my wife were to find out about me and my secretary; that would be bad.
As bad as losing the list.
(transcribed by Doug Krause <di...@lido.com>)
(corrections by Russell Schulz <Russell...@locutus.ofB.ORG>)
------------------------------
Subject: HOW TO GET THE SNL COMMERCIAL PARODIES ARCHIVES
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/commercials
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/commercials.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/commercials/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
--
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world
Last-modified: 1994/04/08
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Wayne's World Guide
=============================================
Note: I (di...@lido.com) did not write this. I have only
added it to my SNL Archives. If you know how to contact the
original author (wu...@cvedc.Prime.COM), please let me know.
The Peristaltic Waynes World Compendium
By wu...@cvedc.Prime.COM
I am actually not sure of the definite date of the first Waynes World,
but sources in Aurora, Illinois place it around October of 1988.
Previous sightings of the Wayne character are reported to have been
seen at the Toronto Second City Club (Classic Quote: "She puked on your
stereo? She loves you, man"), and later on CBC television show It's
only Rock and Roll. The latter being a clip called Waynes Power Minute
in which he covered such pertinent subjects as an ambulance service
for rock concert injuries (like burning your thumb with the lighter),
and Wayne receiving an air guitar for Christmas. He finally hit the
big time on SNL. I'll just briefly summarize each episode and leave
it open for questions if anyone wants to know more about a particular
episode.
Feb 18, 1989??
Episode One: Kind of an introduction episode where we meet Garth's
Dad, the Beav, owner of the Wishing Well convenience store. They
do Waynes Top Ten things that Beav says. The number one thing is
"Hi, I'm Beav and I'm a Big Fag." Beav storms out and bans Wayne
from the store. Next guest, Nancy, an excellent babe. Last segment,
they take a phone call, in which the guy on the other end says that
his girlfriend blew chunks on him while necking.
Mar 25, 1989
Episode Two: Wayne makes it up to the Beav by letting Beav do a
plug for the Wishing Well convenience store on WW, during which
Wayne holds up a big sign saying Big Fag with an arrow pointing
to Beav. Next guest: Miss Simpson (Mary Tyler Moore), the math
teacher, who asked to be on the show.
May 13, 1989
Episode Three: First segment, Movie World. Then it's an interview
with the Great One, Wayne Gretzky. Wayne has a dream sequence where
he beats Gretzky one on one in hockey and gets Janet Jones, Gretzky's
wife.
Sep 30, 1989
Episode Four: The coolest guy in the senior class, Rick (Bruce Willis),
unveils the new cool word for the school year, sphincter. They make a
crank call upstairs, where Wayne's parentals are having a party, asking
for Wayne to speak to a Mr. Sphincter. After Rick leaves Nancy comes
running down "like a nympho." Wayne fishes in Nancy telling her that Rick
has the hots for her.
Dec 2, 1989
Episode Five: Guest, Police Chief Wilson. Wayne and Garth serve penance
for hurling snowballs at traffic, by helping Police Chief Wilson (John
Goodman) re-enact a crime on Aurora's Most Wanted. The crime is trivial so
Wayne and Garth embellish it a little.
Jan 13, 1990
Episode Six: Guest, Mr. Hemple (Ed O'Neill), the Drivers Ed instructor.
Wayne and Garth serve penance for bringing drinks into the drivers ed
room, when there's a humongoid sign telling you not to. They do a
Public Service Announcement illustrating the evils of drinking and
driving.
Feb 17, 1990
Episode Seven: Guests, Garths Cousin Barry and Aerosmith. Garth gets his
cousin Barry (Tom Hanks), a roady for Aerosmith, to get the band on the
show to help publicize their upcoming show. In return they have to put
Barry on the air. Aerosmith appears and Wayne and Garth play the Wayne's
World Theme Song with them (**).
Mar 24, 1990
Episode Eight: Guest, Lisa. Wayne and Garth give their own academy awards
in which Batman wins every catagory except Best Foreign Film. Lisa (Debra
Winger) comes on and Wayne holds Chick Court to clear her name after Nancy
has spread rumors about her.
May 19, 1990
Episode Nine: Guest, Garth's Mom, Mrs. Algar. Wayne has a "Summer
of 42," fantasy, in which he makes it with Garth's Mom (Candice Bergen),
which is interrupted by Garth, who shoots Wayne.
Dec 1, 1990
Episode Ten: Wayne's World After Hours. Wayne and Garth have to
move to Garth's house to show the new Madonna video and then they
are busted by Police Chief Wilson for showing pornography.
Jan 19, 1991
Episode Eleven: Excellent Report. Wayne and Garth critique the Gulf
War and network coverage thereof after watching 72 straight hours
of news surviving on nothing but Pizza Hut Pizza and Jolt Cola.
******
Added by ed.:
May 11, 1991
Episode Twelve: Fantasy episode with Madonna.
Nov 20, 1993
Episode Thirteen: Anybody?
possible missing episodes:
Sep 29, 1992 (Kyle MacLachlan)
*****
** Waynes World Theme Song
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
Chicks Go mental when they walk down the street
Cause it's Wayne and Garth they want to meet.
We're down in the basement playing with our toys,
and if you do not like it you're a sphincter boy.
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
Waynes World, Waynes World
It's Party Time, It's Excellent
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/waynes-world/faq.html
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/references
Last-modified: 1997/02/11
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: References
====================================
This is a list of written references for Saturday Night Live. It
is intended as a pointer for those who want to learn more about the
show.
Written works included:
Saturday night: a backstage history of Saturday night live (1986)
SNL! The world of saturday night live
Rolling Stone Visits Saturday Night Live
Saturday Night Live The First Twenty Years (1994)
Saturday Night Live
Backstage at Saturday Night Live! An Unauthorized Portrait
Wired: the short life and fast times of John Belushi
Gilda: An Intimate Portrait
Playboy Magazine Interviews
Rolling Stone Magazine Articles
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Saturday night: a backstage history of Saturday night live (1986)
by Doug Hill and Jeff Weingrad
I highly recommend this book. It gives a detailed, in-depth
analysis of the show from its beginning to 1984 or so. Most
of the information comes from interviews and the authors view-
ing old episodes on videotape.
------------------------------
Subject: SNL! The world of saturday night live
by Hal Schuster
I don't not recommend this book on the whole. It has some
interesting information and pictures, but it is poorly written
and has many errors (including at least three different spellings
of Aykroyd). Another glaring error is in the biography section.
The page devoted to John Belushi has a picture of his brother,
Jim. If you can check this book out from a library, go ahead and
get it. But be sure to take all the information in it with a
shaker of salt.
------------------------------
Subject: Rolling Stone Visits Saturday Night Live
Frank Serpas III writes:
I found an SNL-related book in the UT library entitled "Rolling Stone
Visits Saturday Night Live." It's made up of articles that originally
appeared in the magazine. It has some behind-the-scenes stuff and
interviews with the original cast members, Michael O'Donoghue, and Lorne
Michaels.
------------------------------
Subject: Saturday Night Live The First Twenty Years (1994)
Edited by Michael Cader
Houghton Mifflin Company
ISBN 0-395-70895-8
(Will review later. -ed)
------------------------------
Subject: Saturday Night Live
by Anne Beatts and John Head
Avon Books (1977)
ISBN 0-380-01801-2
------------------------------
Subject: Backstage at Saturday Night Live! An Unauthorized Portrait
by Michael McKenzie
Scholastic Book Services (1980)
ISBN 0-590-30919-6
------------------------------
Subject: Wired (1984)
By Bob Woodward
Simon and Schuster
------------------------------
Subject: Gilda: An Intimate Portrait
by David Saltman
Contemporary Books (1992)
ISBN 0-8092-4102-1
------------------------------
Subject: Playboy Magazine Interviews
May 1977: Dan Aykroyd, Anne Beatts, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin,
Al Franken, Tom Davis, Lorne Michaels, Garrett Morris, Laraine
Newman, Michael O'Donoghue, Gilda Radner, Rosie Schuster, and
Alan Zweibel
Jan 1980: Steve Martin
Mar 1988: Billy Crystal
Jun 1988: Chevy Chase
Mar 1992: Lorne Michaels
------------------------------
Subject: Rolling Stone Magazine Articles
Issue #271, 10 Aug 78
Cover Photo: John Belushi
Issue #277, 02 Nov 78
Cover Photo: Gilda Radner
Article: The Blues Brothers
Issue #285, 22 Feb 79
Cover Photo: The Blues Brothers
Issue #296, 26 Jul 79
Cover Name: Mr. Mike
Issue #305, 29 Nov 79
Cover Name: Father Guido Sarducci
Issue #307, 27 Dec 79
Cover Name: Lorne Michaels
Issue #323, 07 Aug 80
Cover Name: The Blues Brothers
Issue #326, 18 Sep 80
Cover Name: Michael O'Donoghue
Issue #341, 16 Apr 81
Cover Name: Chevy Chase
Issue #350, 20 Aug 81
Cover Photo: Bill Murray
Issue #361, 21 Jan 82
Cover Photo: John Belushi
Issue #368, 29 Apr 82
Cover Photo: John Belushi
Issue #369, 13 May 82
Cover Name: John Belushi
Issue #406, 13 Oct 83
Cover Photo: Chevy Chase
Issue #428, 16 Aug 84
Cover Photo: Bill Murray
Issue #431, 27 Sep 84
Cover Photo: John Belushi
Issue #556, 13 Jul 89
Cover Name: Gilda Radner
Issue #572, 22 Feb 90
Article: Jon Lovitz
Issue #562, 05 Oct 1989
------------------------------
Subject: Thanks
Frank Serpas III <ser...@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu>
Keith Privett <72704...@compuserve.com>
Ralph Morse <Ralph...@msn.com>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
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http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/references/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
--
Doug Krause
Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics
Last-modified: 1996/02/29
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Song Lyrics
=====================================
This is a transcription of various Saturday Night Live songs.
Song lyrics included:
Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Images
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
The Boyfriend Song
Draw the Line
Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Turkey Song
Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Girl
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Mother's Day Song
Play On, Michael
Santa Song
Lunch Lady Land
The Hannukah Song
Recurring Characters Song
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Performed by Garrett Morris on 24 Jan 1976 (Peter Cook and Dudley Moore)
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
When I kill all the whities I see, then whitey he won't bother me,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
Then I'll get a white woman who's wearing a navy blue sweater.
------------------------------
Subject: Images
Images by Tyrone Greene
Performed by Eddie Murphy (date unknown)
Dark and lonely on a summer's night
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord
Watchdog barking
Do he bite?
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord
Slip in his window
Break his neck
Then his house
I start to wreck
Got no reason
What the heck
Kill my Landlord
Kill my landlord
C-I-L-L
my l a n d l o r d
------------------------------
Subject: Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Performed by Eddie Murphy (date unknown)
"It's James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party!
And now, here he is! The godfather of soul, and hot tub man number one,
James Brown!"
Sometimes it make me break out in a cold sweat!
One two three four!
Hot tub! Ha! Da!
Ah-full of water!
I say hot tub! Ha!
Day! Ba! Very, very hot... Very hot! Da!
Hot tub! Gonna get ya hot-a!
Gonna make ya sweat! Hey! Say!
Hot tub! Rub a dub in the hot tub!
Rub a dub with me!
Should I get in the hot tub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me sweat?
(Yeah!)
Should I get in the hot tub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me wet?
(Yeah!)
Well, well, well...
Hot tub! Ah!
Get in!
Gonna get in the water!
Gonna make me sweat! Ah!
Here I go in the hot tub!
HHHHIIIGGGHH!!
Too hot in the hot tub! Ma!
Burn myself!
Make it cooler!
Good God!
Gonna make me...
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
Ha! Lilin! Lidilin! Eh!
A gonna make me sweat-ah!
Dah! Gonna make me sweat!
Gonna make me sweat-ah!
Dah! Gonna get me in the hot tub!
I can't stand it!
Here I go! I can't stand it!
Here I go in the hot tub!
Gonna get in the hot tub!
Gonna get it wet-ah!
Good God!
HHHIIIIGGHHH!! Ha!
Good God!
Rub a dub!
In the hot tub!
Rub a dub with me!
Good God!
Rub a dub in the hot tub!
Gonna set me free!
Don't go away! We'll be right back with more Celebrity Hot Tub!
"Coming up next: Dr. Joyce Brothers joins James Brown on Celebrity Hot Tub!"
(transcribed by Jeffrey Neau <je...@ironwood.cray.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: The Boyfriend Song
The Boyfriend Song
performed by Victoria Jackson with Willie Nelson
performed on 21 Feb 1987? (Willie Nelson and Paulina Porizkova)
(Victoria)
Oh I got one boyfriend to talk about food with
One boyfriend I like to talk crude with
One boyfriend I share a qualude with
(No not really I don't like qualudes,I Don't believe in drugs it just rhymed
perfect there)
One boyfriend who's mean
One boyfriend who wears a cowboy hat
One boyfriend who tells me I'm not fat
One boyfriend who looks at me like that
(Makes goofy face)
One who is serene
Oh woa is me
The joys of a single life
I'd give up in a minute
If I could be the wife of Mr. Right
Oh I got one boyfriend I work out at the gym with
One boyfriend I sing a church hymm with
One boyfriend I like to drink gin with
One who licks my lips
One boyfriend who won't let me chew gum
One boyfriend I have to hide my fingernails from
One boyfriend who use to sing with
Gladys Night and the Pips
Woa is me
The joys of a single life
I'd give up in a minute
If I could be the wife of Mr. Right
I concluded my search
On the way to the church
To enlist in the nunnery
When I ran into a man who
Began to tell to me
That he had
(Willie Nelson)
One girlfriend I thought was pretty slick
(Laughs through this line,Cannot understand him.Use your Imagination.)
One girlfriend that was kinda witty
One who was short and wise
And one girlfriend with thick red curley hair
And one girlfiend who didn't wear underwear
And one girlfriend who was shaped just like a pear
With Bette Davis eyes
(Victoria & Willie)
But woa is me
(Willie)
The joy of single life
I'd give up in a minute
If I could find a wife that's Mrs. Right
(Victoria & Willie)
We both entered the church doors together that day
Sincere in our motives and in our hearts
But we left one hour later hand in hand
For better or worse
In sickness and in health
Till death do us part
(transcribed by tom...@techline.com)
------------------------------
Subject: Draw the Line
Draw the Line
performed by Victoria Jackson (date unknown)
Talk about love
Talk about morality
Are we having an affair
Or are you just glad to see me
Will a kiss goodnight
A kiss timed by the minute
If a minutes too long
Does the sweet little kiss have the devil in it
If we whisper low
Things no one else can hear
Will my husband know
Will he think my vows were insincere
Where do you draw the line
Between love and adultry
If your a friend of mine
Can I hold your hand
Where do you draw the line
Bump de Bump
(It's suppose to make you think)
Do you think it's O.K.
If I tickle your ear this way
Or if I lick the lint out of your navel
With my tongue
Will the neighbors talk
will they missconstru
And think you are not just my boyfriend
But that I am in love with you
Where do you draw the line
Do you think it's O.K.
If our clothes accidentaly fall off
When you come over to be comforted
Because a family member died
Or if we cuddled under the covers
of your bed because my heater wasn't working
And it was really really really really really really really really cold outside
Were the last two people on earth
And had to perpetuate the species
Or if a mafia hitman ordered us to
sleep together on day
Or what if the doctor said I had this terrible disease
And the only way to cure it would be
To take a shower with you naked
Where do you draw the line
Where do you draw the line
Where do you draw the line
Thank You
(transcribed by tom...@techline.com)
------------------------------
Subject: Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
performed by Kyle McLachlan
with GE Smith, Phil Harman, and Dana Carvey
performed on 29 Sep 1990 (Kyle McLachlan)
<Kyle and three others in front of a campfire in cowboy gear. GE plays guitar.>
Oh the campfire is glowin'
Evening purple shadows driftin by
Just another twilight on the cattle trail
Underneath the huckleberry sky
And the cattle are lowin'
Cause they don't know where they're goin'
They're heading down the trail to Kansas City, boys,
And they're gonna lose their heads and die.
(Chorus:)
Whoopee Tie Yi Yo
Get along little doggies
You're gonna lose your heads and die
Oh, they take ya little doggies
And single-file they walk ya through a door.
An automated treadle brings a collar down
and then you won't be movin' any more
A converyer belt will run ya'
To where a bolt through your skull will stun ya'
Then they cut your feet off with hydraulic shears
And take ya to the killin' floor
(Chorus:)
Whoopee Tie Yi Yo
Get along little doggies
You're going to the killing floor.
And then they cut 'im from the sternum to his uvula
<Backup singers> Uvula
And his heart continues pumpin
while his blood continues dumpin
til he's dead.
And then they clean 'em and inspect 'em
Stick a hot probe up their rectum:
A process that's used now and then
But not commercially widespread
Go to sleep, little doggies,
put your little worries on the shelf
Tomorrow afternoon'll be a tough one boys
Get some rest, and think'a somehtin' else.
Oh ya walked ta Kansas City
and you have this cowboy's pity
But someone had to lead you to the slaughterhouse
Cause you'd never make it by yourself.
(Chorus:)
Go to sleep
Go to sleep, little doggies
Put your mind on something else
Got to sleep
Got to sleep, little doggies.
Go to sleep...
<end of song>
<Kyle removes his hat to reveal a funky haircut and says:>
Hi. I'm k.d. lang. Thanks for listenin'
(transcribed by gr...@girkin.itg.ti.com)
------------------------------
Subject: The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Performed by Dennis Quaid on 15 Dec 1990 (Dennis Quaid)
Well, the USA won't take it, That dirt bags' got no class.
You can tell Saddam Housein for me, he can kiss my ass!
Narr: Finally in one album, all the speciality songs of
America's proudest country singer, Cal McClain Jr.
Well, the USA ain't backing down, We don't take orders from no nut.
Hey there, General Noriega... You can cram it up your butt!
Well, the USA has arrived to make you tow the line
And all you Granada people...
you can stick it where the sun don't shine!
Narr: Cal McClain Jr., sings whats on everyones mind,
In language that won't leave anyone guessing.
Well, the USA's in Southeast Asia, them hippies are getting whinny.
Well you can tell the guy from North Vietnam...
to shim it up his hinnie, yes you can!
Narr: The number 1 country singer, from the number one country - USA.
And if you order right away, you get an additional album
at no extra cost: 'Cal McClain Jr.: Songs for my ex-wives':
Dear Morene, I'm sorry my darling, and though you don't seem to care,
But I've still got my pride, and one thing to say...
You can stick it up your derriere!
Narr: Order now to recieve both albums. Send .95 to:
"Messages: the speciality songs of Cal McClain Jr."
Lynchburg, Tennesse.
Yeah, I hope you like these albums, but if you don't
you know what you can do, yeah!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
------------------------------
Subject: Turkey Song
Turkey Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 23 Nov 1991 (Macaulay Culkin)
[spoken] "Yes, I am, Kevin. I've worked all week on my song, and I hope
you'll be entertained and a little moved."
[singing]
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey cause it's good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should
Cause it's turkey to eat,
So good
A turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.
Love to eat turkey at the table,
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable.
Eat that turkey all night long,
50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong.
Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap,
I eat the turkey and I take a nap
[melody changes]
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmie Walker used to say "Dynomite"
That's right!
[melody changes back]
Turkey with the gravy and the cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you, turkey for me,
Can't believe Tyson gave the girl V.D.
Gobble gobble dee, gobble gobble dawkie,
I used to go to camp at Lake Winnepesaukee
[spoken] Adam: "Come on, Kevin."
Kevin: "No, that's okay."
Adam: "Oh, it'll be funnn."
Kevin: "Okay."
[Kevin and Adam singing in (somewhat) unison]
Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey duffin,
Love to eat turkey with a lot of stuffin'
Turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.
Turkey and sweet potato pie,
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye
Turkey with the girls, turkey with the boys,
My favorite kind of pants are corduoroys
Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle
I wish turkeys only cost a nickel.
[song slows]
Oh, I love turkey .. on Thanksgivingggggg
[spoken]
Adam: "Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!"
(transcribed by Anthony Bonillo <boni...@ucs.orst.edu>)
(corrections by Christian L Claiborn <clai...@express.ctron.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Performed by (in order of appearance):
Steve Martin, Victoria Jackson, Mike Myers, Julia Sweeney, Tim Meadows,
Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, Joe, Lorne Michaels on 14 Dec 1991
(Steve Martin)
SM: Somethings out there. (whistle) Somethings in the air. (whistle)
Don't know how, don't know why, got a feeling
tonights the night, I'm actually gonna try.
Not going to phone it in tonight,
not going to go through the motions tonight.
This time I'm really gonna do the best I can.
Mr. Cue Card Man put those cards down over there,
but for some reason tonight I care!
VJ: You care? SM: That's right!
That's why I'm not gonna phone it in tonight,
not going to read my screenplay during the songs tonight.
I can walk through my part and still be hilarious,
I've done it so often before.
But look at these faces, look at this fat guy,
he wants more, he wants more!
Fat Guy: Hey, I'm not that fat! SM: Please !?!
So many times I've faked it, just because I could - I'm that good!
VJ: He's that good.
SM: But 20% won't do tonight.
MM: Mr. Martin, I'll do it for you tonight.
JS: Gonna do something different tonight,
something says, not to just do Pat tonight.
TM: I don't have any lines, I'm not in the show,
but something tells me that if I were I'd be rearing to go.
CF: Not gonna get liquored up tonight, Not gonna have a drink tonight,
I'm not gonna drink, till Update is through,
that's a promise to you the viewer.
Yeah, after the show, I'll drink till I spew
but for now, I'm committed for you.
PH: I hide behind these wigs and this makeup,
but tonight I'm gonna let my self shine through,
Yes, Their going to see the real Phil Hartman tonight!
SM: I wouldn't do that Phil. PH: OK.
SM: Follow me everyone, let's go make an effort!
All: Not going to have dead air tonight,
Gonna seem as if we care tonight.
KN: But Steve, why do you care, aren't you rich?
SM: I'm worth 17 million, I could buy and sell you and you and you
a thousand times over, but tonight there's a show to do.
Joe: Five minutes till monologue, Mr. Martin.
SM: Thanks, Joe.
Joe: I can't ever get fired, I've got a union job,
but somehow tonight it doesn't matter that I'm in with the mob.
Stagehands: Gonna move our big lard asses tonight
Gonna move our fat Teamster asses tonight!
SM: Make way.
LM: Steve, what's going on?
SM: Oh, we're going to do our best tonight, Lorne.
LM: Why, the shows on automatic pilot,
I don't even come in until Saturday.
SM: Lorne don't you see, that's not the way it was in the 70's.
Back in the 70's, people cared. They... they believed in something.
Now it's the 80's and everythings...
yuppie, yuppie, yuppie,... spend, spend spend.
LM: Steve, it's the 90's.
SM: Whatever. The point is...
(Singing again) I've always wanted to see,
how good I could be, I just want to know...
LM: (in fake opera voice) Then go, Steve, go and do a great show!
SM: Thank you Lorne. I've never felt so alive!
God, I feel young again, I feel... 38! Come on everybody...
All: We're going to learn our lines, do our parts well,
then we'll go back to coasting, but not while Steve's host,
Cause we're not gonna phone it in tonight
Not going to screw up one line tonight.
SM: I made it happen!
ALL: Steve made it happen.
SM: Now it is time. Live from New York... (pause) Line!...
It's Saturday Night!
(transcribed by: Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by: Arnold LS <arno...@aol.com>
------------------------------
Subject: Girl
Girl
Performed by Dana Carvey, Jason Priestly, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider,
and Mike Myers on 15 Feb 1992 (Jason Priestly)
Arsenio (Chris Rock): Now don't leave us hanging with just that.
JP: Yeah, I hear that, Arsenio.
Yo guys, lets kick it!
(Music starts playing)
Yo now, before we start singing,
You also want to know in addition to writing our own songs,
we also do our own choreography.
JP: Girl, I can't stop thinking of you girl,
Y-O-U, spells girl.
Woke up this morning, put on my own clothes,
cause the ladys' not here, to help us no more.
Went down to the store, I got myself some juice,
its tasted good and fresh and I love you.
All: Girl, you are wicked awesome.
DC: I buttoned up my own shirt, whew!
All: Because, you girl...
RS: Whenever I make my own plane reservations...
All: I think of you girl, cause girl you are wicked awesome!
AS: My name is Donny, and I'm here to say
They call me Donny, cause that's my name.
Banana's are good in every way,
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away,
Purina Cat Chow -
All: Chow, chow, chow.
AS: If my friends could only see me now,
I'm walking, I'm talking, McCauly Caukin,
Roger Clemmons was called for walking.
Word, Sister!
All: 1, 2, Dosey dow, dosey dow.
All: You are... wicked awesome!
AS: Peace.
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by LZea...@aol.com)
------------------------------
Subject: The Boulevard of Broken Balls
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Performed by Christopher Walken on 24 Oct 1992 (Christopher Walken)
Temptation lingers in the lamplight,
Upon her lips a shadow falls.
She loves to flirt, she loves to tease,
Beneath her skirt, some new disease.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
Her lovers lurk in every doorway
With prices written on the walls
So if you're rich and have the cash,
You'll get an itch, you'll get a rash.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
You hear the whispers in the darkness
The laughter echoes and enthralls
They're taking bets you'll never know,
Your gigalette's a gigolo,
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
She leaves a token of your romance,
A souvenir that hops and crawls.
You bring the crabs home to your wife,
She stabs you with a butcher knife.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
(transcribed by Cristobal Joseevich Junta <gri...@athena.mit.edu>)
(corrections by Bob <bam...@jpmorgan.com>)
(corrections by C. J. Burke <cjb...@io.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Performed by Adam Sandler on 13 Feb 1993 (Alec Baldwin)
My mom bought you when I was just 13,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen.
She got an extra large so I wouldn't grow out,
"That's too big for you!" the other kids would shout.
But we stuck together, we didn't quit,
and now the children say, "What a perfect fit."
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.
I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch,
it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch.
And I don't care if the weather's no good,
I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood.
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?,
I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap.
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.
Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?,
Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly?
I don't knoooooooww
ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo.
Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together
like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game
and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym.
I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me.
You were staring as if to say "Adam, you suck at basketball,
you dribble like a damn woman." I was so mad I challenged you
to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I
beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups
on purpose. You let me win and that why (Kevin, please help
me out)
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt.
Come on audience members, help me out here.
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded <unknown audience member>
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip <paul mccartney>
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ling dong <linda mccartney>
sweeeeatshirt.
I love you sooooooooooo.
Happy Valentine's Everybody!
(transcribed by Doug Krause <di...@lido.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Mother's Day Song
Mother's Day Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 08 May 1993 (Christina Applegate)
Mama was the one who reached down and tied my shoelace.
Mama spit on her fingers and used it to clean dirt off my face.
Brush your teeth, Q-tip your ear,
take off your sister's new brassiere.
Watch PBS, not Deputy Dawg,
don't you eat that Lincoln Log.
Oh mama I still don't believe
it's true: The tooth fairy was you.
No Way!
I love you maaaaaama,
more than than paaaastrama,
way more than Jeffrey Daaaahma,
even more than my NFL paaaaajamas.
Mama always calmed down dad when he got too mean.
Like the time he almost hit me for stealing his Juggs magazine.
Stop your jumping,
you'll break the bed.
Don't you fill up
on the bread.
Take those
Take those
(trying to read cue card)
Take ... carrots out of your nose,
that's not a hat that's pantyhose.
Don't play baseball in your suit,
that Magnum PI's very cute.
Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub,
stop masturbating in the tub.
Thanks for making corn beef hash,
and putting powder on my rash.
(So much better.)
I love you maaaaaama,
more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa,
more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas,
Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa.
Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true,
Kevin's gonna sing to you.
Come on Kevin.
I love you maaaaaama (kevin)
Come on, keep goin'.
More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa. (kevin)
Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa.
Thanks for writing that note to the draft
board that said I was gay so I got out
of Vietnaaaamaaa. (kevin)
Mom your way better than the World Trade Center baaaaamaaaa.
Who's name by the way is Mohamed Salaaaamaaa. (kevin)
I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa.
And Richard Gere was also good in "Sommersby",
which was a melodraaaamaa. (kevin)
Oh, all you moms out there oughta know,
we kids love you so.
Have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you very much!
Thank you!
Adam Saaaandlaaa. (kevin)
(transcribed by Doug Krause <di...@lido.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: Play On, Michael
Play On, Michael
Performed by (in order of appearance): Kevin Nealon, David Spade,
and Aerosmith on 09 Oct 1993 (Jeff Goldblum)
Oh, I've seen Magic and I've seen Bird,
I saw Kareem retire but I never said a word,
but I always thought I see you play
one more time again.
Runaway, Mike better come back,
got season tickets, can't get my money back.
Don't you know that you're so crowd pleasing,
Won't you stick around for one more season?
Play on, play one more year
play for the fans and play for the cheers.
Play the Sonics, play the Knicks too,
Even the Celtics, we'll still root for you.
I've seen you score 500 points.
Want to see you score 500 more.
Just to be a man, you should take it from a man.
Score 1,000 points on a basketball court.
Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordon, Micheal Jordan.
Micheal, A, Micheal, O, Micheal Jordan.
Oh, Yippe yo, yippe yay,
Keep Jordon in the muther!!! ?/&^% house.
Micheal Jordan, where you think your going
With your tongue hanging out and your bald head showin'?
Don't you know you're in a higher class,
come back before a pimp slap your ?/&^%.
Ee, Oh, yamma yamma, are you good enough,
Please don't quit yet Micheal, oh yeah.
Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota,
Your the best dribbler, oh yeah.
Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota,
Who's Pippen gonna pass to, oh yeah.
Oh, Ye, Er, Yamma dinga dungo,
It's so boring, oh yeah.
Play on, play one more year.
Play against ??? play against Laimbeer.
Take the basketball, throw it through the hoop,
Do a 360 and slam it a-la-oop.
He's out playing is as big as a whale,
Everybodys playing, everybodys saying things
Michael don't forget about your endorsement money.
Everybodys playing, everybodys saying
Won't you sleep on this.
Micheal baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning.
Won't you sleep on this.
Michael baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning.
Play on for one more year.
One thing seems very, very clear.
Play on, play on, PLAY ON, PLAY ON,
Play on Michael, Play on!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by Jeffrey E. Neau)
(corrections by Jason Nafziger <nafzi...@osu.edu>)
------------------------------
Subject: Santa Song
Santa Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 11 Dec 1993 (Sally Field)
So many presents,
so little time,
Santa won't be coming around my house this year,
'cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear,
Oh mama made it perfectly clear,
Santa don't like bad boys...especially Jewish ones.
Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire,
so why did I have to set the pizza guy's hair on fire,
I told him I was sorry,
I'm a liar,
so no toys for me...I don't deserve them.
I couldn't wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared,
but then I told my grandma that she had a beard.
Dear Santa,
I know what my problem is, why I can't be good, it's a fear of intimacy.
You see my whole life whenever I've met someone really great like you and
I keep feeling like I'm getting close to them, something inside me makes
me want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm so bad is because
I love you santa.
Rock-em Sock-em Robots is what I was hoping for,
but then I made a death threat to vice president Gore,
oh santa won't be knocking on my door,
'cos he's a big fat whore...what made me say that?
Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed,
so why'd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed,
so Santa please give me that easy bake oven,
I swear I thought billy goats we're made for lovin'.
So Santa won't you accept my apologies,
Santa can't you see I'm begging you please,
oh Santa next year I'll do you right,
Live from New York it's Saturday night...
(transribed by Neil Mackie <nm...@lamar.ColoState.EDU>)
(corrections by John J Cassidy <cas...@cps.msu.edu>)
------------------------------
Subject: Lunch Lady Land
Lunch Lady Land
Performed by Adam Sandler on 15 Jan 1994 (Sara Gilbert)
Sandler: This is a song about the high school experience sung
through the eyes of the person who more than anyone
else puts young people on the right path. I'm not
talking about the teachers, I'm not talking about the
coaches, I'm not even talking about the guidence coun-
selors. I'm talking about a person we call.. The Lunch
Lady.
Woke up in the morning, put on my new plastic glove.
Served some reheated salsbury steak with a little slice of
love.
I got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of..
Just know everything's doing fine down here in...
LUNCHLADY LAND
Well I wear this net on my head..cuz my red hair is fallin'
out. I wear these brown orthapedic shoes cuz I got a bad
case of the gout.
I know you want seconds on the corn dogs,
but there's no reason to shout.
Everybody gets enough food down here in the magical..
LUNCHLADY LAND.
(G. E. Smith & band joins in)
Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes.
And my breath reaks of tuna and there's lots of black hairs
comin' out of my nose.
AH
Hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
navy beans, navy beans, navy beans, navy beans.
hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
navy beans, navy beans..MEATLOAF SANDWICH.
Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah
(with Chris Farley)
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH
Then one morning that I woke up to see aw the pepperoni pizza
was lookin at me.
It screamed why do you burn me and serve me up cold,
I said a I got the spatula- just do what you're told.
And the liver and onions started joining the fight and the
chocolate pudding pushed me with all its might and the chop
suey slapped me and it kicked me in the head -it's called
revenge LunchLady said the garlic bread
I said what did I do to make you all so mad?
You got flabby arms and your breath is bad.
And the green beans said you better run and hide
but then my friend Sloppy Joe came and joined my side.
He said if it wasn't for the Lunch Lady the kids wouldn't eat ya
You should be shakin' her hand and sayin' pleased to meet ya
She gives you a purpose and she gives you a goal
You should be kissin' her feet or kissin' her mole
Now all the angry food just leave me alone,
And we all live together in our happy home a thanks to
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe ooh yeah
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
(slower)Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe well..
Me and Sloppy Joe got married.
We got six kids and we're doin' just fine.
Down in Lunch Lady Land
OHH WOAH!
(transcribed by Richard Wludyga <wlu...@alleg.EDU>)
(corrections by Doug Krause <di...@lido.com>)
------------------------------
Subject: The Hannukah Song
The Hannukah Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 03 Dec 1994 (Roseanne)
Chorus:
Put on your yamukah
Here comes Hannukah
So much funnukah
To celebrate Hannukah
Hannukah is: the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We have eight crazy nights
When you feel like/the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people that are
Jewish like you and me:
David Lee Roth
lights the menorah
So do Kirk Douglas, James Caan
and the late Dinah Shorah
Guess who eats together at
the Carnegie Deli?
Bowser from Sha-Na-Na
And Arthur Fonzarelli!
Paul Newman's half Jewish
and Goldie Hawn's half, too
Put them together,
What a fine looking Jew!
You don't need to Deck the Halls
Or Jingle Bell Rock,
'Cause you can spin the dreidel
With Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock!
[Chorus]
O.J. Simpson [not a Jew]
But guess who is? Hall of Famer Rod Carew [He converted]
We got Ann Landers and her
sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish
Not too shabby
Some people think Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well, he's not, but guess who is --
All three Stooges!
[Chorus]
So many Jews are in Show Biz
Tom Cruise isn't but I think his agent is
Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica
On this lovely lovely Hanukkah
So drink your gin and tonica
But don't smoke marijuanica
If you really really wannika
Have a Happy Happy Happy Happy Hanukkah
Happy Hannukah Everybody!
Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah!
(transcribed by Michael Bauer <FAS...@prodigy.com>)
(corrections by James Kass <ka...@village.ios.com>)
(corrections by EL...@aol.com)
------------------------------
Subject: Recurring Characters Song
Recurring Characters Song
date performed unknown
Performers:
Cajun Man - Adam Sandler
Frankenstein - Phil Hartman
Frans - Kevin Nealon
Hollywood Min. - David Spade
Jan Brady - Melanie Hutsell
Name Guy (Rich)- Rob Schneider
Pat Riley - Julia Sweeney
Queen Shanequa - Ellen Cleghorn
Stuart Smalley - Al Franken
Super Fans - Chris Farley & ?
Wayne Campbell - Mike Myers
Queen Shanequa:
We can't be standing back child
We gotta get up our spirits and stand.
Pat:
So persons of all colors and sexes, inside we're all the same.
Super Fans:
We can't keep relying of Coach Ditka, he's just one man my friend.
?:
Let's stay calm, we will not burn, and let the fighting end.
All:
Make tomorrow's future a better day
Let's increase the peace and we'll all be glad
We're making a choice, to heal the wounds.
We're in this together:
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
Stuart Smalley: We musn't be rage-a-holics, we must find our inner child.
Frankenstein: Fin our inna chid!
Jan Brady:
I've got three brothers and two sisters
and we never get that wild.
Cajun Man:
Compassion, communication, we must fight descrimination.
Frans: Hear us now and believe us later
Wayne: We're in a most heinous spot
Frans: I could very easily set fire, to your puny licking store
Wayne: So lets settle this with violence - NOT!
All:
Make tomorrow's future a better day
We are our brothers and sisters and we'll all be hap
Let's increase the peace, can't we all get along?
We're making a choice:
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
?: We must end this racial split.
Hollywood Minute: It's called love - Look into it.
Rich:
Rodney King, the King-meister, King Rodney
The Organinator
Peace - Peace-A-Rama!
Make tomorrow's future a better day
Can we not be mad.
Like our characters have a reoccuring theme
Lets go hand in hand.
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Cajun Man: You descrimination
Jan Brady: Brotherhood, brotherhood, brotherhood.
Super Fans: The Bears!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
------------------------------
Subject: HOW TO GET THE SNL SONG LYRICS ARCHIVE
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl...@lido.com.
--