"Inspector Bitten"
c willgren
short). I then spent about an hour sending it through Babelfish to
French, sending it back, and correcting it so it sounds plausible. Now
the story is much more interesting. (Apparently the title "Inspector
Mordue" wasn't as good as "Inspector Bitten," so Babelfish changed it for
me. The word "Bitten" is mentioned once in the story now too.)
And now, here's the story:
> "Inspector Bitten"
> A novella by C Willgren
>
> The inspector threw the sheet behind, above the female victim's face
> below. He rose floor quickly and looked in anger at the officer Peter
> Oncherelli. Peter put his hands to the top defensive and shrugged. The
> house was quiet to save for other officers whispering close to the front
> gate. Outside, it was one afternoon partially-cloudy with a light breeze
> which maintained the fresh air. Inside this particular house, of its wood
> balance, green lawn, and small, concrete front porch, there was a victim
> of murder. Inspector Mordue put his meat fists on his hips and looked out
> of front Window. His attention was concentrated on the yellow ribbon of
> font which undulated in the wind and reflected the twinkling sunlight in
> his eyes.
> "Control Oncherelli," announced the inspector completely suddenly,
> startling the young officer. "Why don't have we found the killer?" The
> officer was dumbfounded with the question. How could one answer such a
> enigma?
> "Who dare answer such an enigma?" questioned Oncherelli.
> "We do not have any index as for what the killer resembles, or which kind
> of car he leads, or even his reason."
> "It should be known to us to date," Bitten answered, putting his
> large, soft head in his hands. "I tend not to sleep at night because of
> these damn murders!" The officer took a measure towards his superior.
> Bitten quickly turned to the young man with the tear slowly slipped to the
> bottom of the facial wrinkles of the older man.
> "Uh, Sir," Oncherelli started, to put approximately a hand on the
> shoulder of the inspector.
> "Officer," he whispered as a his face was becoming red with
> fury. "Please take your rotten foot from the leg of the victim."
> Oncherlli looked to the bottom and yelped. He moved far from the form on
> the floor and fell on the small table which was held in front of the
> yellowish couch of plaid. The table immediately broke down under weight
> of the young person. Because he extended on the carpet with long hairs,
> all his colleagues looking at him, and he started to laugh. The face of
> the inspector twisted in a disturbed glance, one which it had not used in
> years, at Oncherelli writhed on the ground to be obtained upwardsness. He
> made a sign so that another officer obtain an "obvious bag" for him. Once
> that he had it in his hand, he was put on his knees to the bottom and felt
> under the sofa with the hand gloved. A broad smile crossed his face while
> he withdrew a bloodly metal corkscrew.
> "This," he laughed under cape as he extended his legs, "is the
> weapon of murder." He slipped the instrument of death into the "obvious
> bag" and went to the Inspector Mordue for gently giving to him.
> "You are simply an astonishing idiot," laughed the inspector.
> "But say to me this," he said with a large grimace coated on his face as
> butter, "How the hell do you not know that you took a step on the leg of
> the victim?" Oncherelli looked to the bottom still and inhaled. The
> other officers in the room started with snickering. "I must go file a
> state now," said Mordue after the laughter died downwards. He gave the
> "obvious bag" to an officer and waddled out of the gate.
--
c "donkey donkey donkey donkey obvious bag" willgren
(remove '.remove' from email to reply.)
Matt McIrvin
cwil...@earthlink.net.remove (c willgren) wrote:
[un story traduite en Franglais by Babelfish]
>> the inspector twisted in a disturbed glance, one which it had not used in
>> years, at Oncherelli writhed on the ground to be obtained upwardsness. He
>> made a sign so that another officer obtain an "obvious bag" for him. Once
>> that he had it in his hand, he was put on his knees to the bottom and felt
>> under the sofa with the hand gloved. A broad smile crossed his face while
>> he withdrew a bloodly metal corkscrew.
I think that this concept of an "obvious bag" is a fad in the making.
People would carry around an "obvious bag" everywhere, and the proper
response to an obvious remark would be to say, "Ooh, let me put that in my
'obvious bag,'" whereupon one would make as if to pluck an invisible talk
balloon out of the air. Whereas that remark would, in this utopian
future society, itself be obvious, one would have to be very careful not
to say anything obvious lest one never cease making obvious remarks. Since
this world would be an obvious extrapolation from the concept of the
"obvious bag," the "obvious bag" would have to be sewed out of two
handkerchiefs in the manner of Lewis Carroll's "Purse of Fortunatus,"
which would in turn obviously imply that there would have to be at least
four spatial dimensions. But the terror of an infinite "obvious bag" loop
would at least keep people from standing around saying "HA HA! FORTUNATUS
CARRIES A PURSE!!!!"
Detective Tective would carry his "obvious bag" on the Obvious Express.
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
David DeLaney
mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) says:
>I think that this concept of an "obvious bag" is a fad in the making.
>People would carry around an "obvious bag" everywhere, and the proper
>response to an obvious remark would be to say, "Ooh, let me put that in my
>'obvious bag,'" whereupon one would make as if to pluck an invisible talk
>balloon out of the air. Whereas that remark would, in this utopian
>future society, itself be obvious, one would have to be very careful not
>to say anything obvious lest one never cease making obvious remarks.
You'd also have to be careful when opening up the Obvious Bag, or else
the air would quickly fill with dancing bears. In new fruit flavors and smells!
>Since
>this world would be an obvious extrapolation from the concept of the
>"obvious bag," the "obvious bag" would have to be sewed out of two
>handkerchiefs in the manner of Lewis Carroll's "Purse of Fortunatus,"
Mmm. All the candy in the world, inside _theees leeetle bag_.
>which would in turn obviously imply that there would have to be at least
>four spatial dimensions. But the terror of an infinite "obvious bag" loop
>would at least keep people from standing around saying "HA HA! FORTUNATUS
>CARRIES A PURSE!!!!"
Dave "and if you believe that, I've got a certain watch to buy from you" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney d...@panacea.phys.utk.edu "It's not the pot that grows the flowe
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to se
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK
http://panacea.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ/ I WUV you in all CAPS! --K
James Kibo Parry
>
> Matt McIrvin (mmci...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > I think that this concept of an "obvious bag" is a fad in the making.
> > People would carry around an "obvious bag" everywhere, and the proper
> > response to an obvious remark would be to say, "Ooh, let me put that in my
> > 'obvious bag,'" whereupon one would make as if to pluck an invisible talk
> > balloon out of the air. Whereas that remark would, in this utopian
> > future society, itself be obvious, one would have to be very careful not
> > to say anything obvious lest one never cease making obvious remarks.
>
> You'd also have to be careful when opening up the Obvious Bag, or else
> the air would quickly fill with dancing bears. In new fruit flavors and
> smells!
I'd like to point out that the Legal-Law Desk of the Legal-Law-Lawyer
Department of the Kibonium Nuisance Legal-Lawsuit Foundation is going to
be lawsuiting the front door of Dr. McIrvin's house because (a) I am not
a crackpot and (b) I invented "The Bozing Box" back in 1988 or 1989.
I may still even have a PostScript file of it somewhere. Failing that,
I could redraw it in about five minutes. It was, after all, just a
bozing box.
However, the dancing bears are a better meme than The Bozing Box because they
do double duty as both (c) "I can't think of anything to say to make the
above seem sillier than it is" and (d) "That's so obvious, it has to be
given dancing bears." I originally inserted dancing bears into the Internet
for (c) but they have since become more along the lines of (d), which makes
sense because all organisms evolve in the direction of letters towards the
end of the alphabet. Eventually the dancing bears will dance all the way
to (z), at which point the Universe will explode from the amount of dancing.
Also, talk balloons are NOT invisible! They have black lines around them!
-- K.
Except for the ones that have a line
of dancing bears around them.
P.S. Hmm, upon doing some further research, I seem to have first used the
dancing bears in April 1994 to represent "I just said something so lame it
requires a music sting played by an entire symphony orchestra in outer
space with dancing bears", but because this would have come before (c)
or even (a) this means that I have just discovered Negative Letters,
PROVING I AM NOT A CRACKPOT! Although I'm not sure what would come before
negative z. Maybe a really tiny baby bear? Played by a bee in a bear suit?
James Kibo Parry
>
> P.S. Hmm, upon doing some further research, I seem to have first used the
> dancing bears in April 1994 to represent "I just said something so lame it
> requires a music sting played by an entire symphony orchestra in outer
> space with dancing bears", but because this would have come before (c)
> or even (a) this means that I have just discovered Negative Letters,
> PROVING I AM NOT A CRACKPOT! Although I'm not sure what would come before
> negative z. Maybe a really tiny baby bear? Played by a bee in a bear suit?
I would just like to say that I spent the entire day working hard and then
I made the mistake of reading some of the 50,000 lines of text Archimedes
Plutonium spammed the Internet with today and some of it rubbed off on me
and thus I AM NOT A CRACKPOT, I AM JUST ACTING EXACTLY LIKE ONE.
-> It is good that the world has Internet, for the world can see living
-> math done from the pouring of the concrete foundation all the way up to
-> where the beautiful pictures are hung on the wall and the microwave is
-> warming up cheese burritos.
-- Archimedes Plutonium, 1995
-> My last several posts to sci.physics.fusion was when I was sleepy.
-> Around 4 pm I take a hot shower and it makes me groggy.
-- Archimedes Plutonium, 1997
Also I'd like to point out that I'm really sleepy. Thus, if someone ever
asks you if I'm a crackpot, be sure to tell them I'm just sleepy. And if
you ever find me dead, tell your kids I'm just VERY sleepy. Then, use my
body in a medical-school prank.
-- K., right now
Leah Verre
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote in message
news:kibo-07079...@ppp0b014.std.com...
> P.S. Hmm, upon doing some further research, I seem to have first used the
> dancing bears in April 1994 to represent "I just said something so lame it
> requires a music sting played by an entire symphony orchestra in outer
> space with dancing bears",
You know about Aphex Twin!