What I Want From Usenet
Jaffo
Having been gone from Usenet for so long, I forgot just how shallow, insipid,
and rude this place can be. When I'm not careful, it even brings out the
worst in me.
I get frustrated because I want more from Usenet than it really can give.
I remember when I first got on the net. I read alt.religion.kibology because
it seemed friendly and it seemed to attract the kinds of people I admire. And
every now and then, someone would just open up and talk about their day.
Somebody in Boston or Canada or North Carolina would list what they bought at
the grocery store or talk about the weather. This just seemed magical to me.
Ark represented all the thousands of totally unique people in the world that
don't wear boots or cowboy hats and would not consider a pickup truck a family
vehicle.
At a time when all my old friendships were dropping away, these snippits of
personal information reminded me of the good ol' days in high school. I find
something incredibly romantic about driving through big city streets in the
middle of the night, surrounded by new friends. Talking about philosophy and
coffee, watching the bright lights on the big buildings, thinking that
somewhere, something _important_ was happening.
I wanted to meet people from strange places. I wanted to hear stories about
Canadian Taco Bells and Ivy League campuses. I wanted to read posts about big
cities and mundane friendship rituals. I think my favorite posts are "slice
of life" things where people talk about what happened at Lab today, or just
put up their grocery lists for all the world to read.
These kinds of things make me feel close to people. They make the world seem
small and warm and friendly. When I read things like this, it makes me
realize that the world is made up of people just like me. They make me feel
like I could move to any city in the world and find friends. They make me
feel like a big community of writers and artists and students, just grinding
through their degree programs, trying to make ends meet.
And most of all, they remind me that in the midst of all these hicks,
goofballs, drunkards and weirdos, there are still people out there that care
about writing. There are still people out there who can spend a whole evening
talking about the future of the human race, or funny things they saw in
clouds, or what aliens would say if they could look down on us.
I want to spend time with people who argue about the existence of God. What
he looks like, what he feels, where he lives. I want to talk about Angels and
Devils and Time and Reality. I want to dream about the future and all the
wonderful things my kids will have.
I want to have conversations with people that smack their foreheads and say,
"Hey, Jaffo, that's really cool! I never would have thought of that." I want
to rise out of this narrow little dustbucket town and spend some time with
people that understand me.
I want to feel lost in a big world, then narrow down the focus and feel at
home again. I want to hear stories from people I don't understand. I want to
participate in conversations I can't predict. I want to be surrounded by
people who surprise me and make me laugh.
I want to be in a room where I feel totally comfortable and at ease, knowing
that whatever I say, someone will understand.
I want to sit in the Mall drinking coffee, making fun of the people that walk
by. I want to kick back in somebody's living room with the tv off, making up
stories that may never be written.
I want to laugh at bad in-jokes and listen to amateur music. I want to spend
a Saturday night with people who don't have to get drunk to be human.
I just want to know that somewhere out there someone understands what I think.
I get frustrated with usenet because it really could be that way. These
little newsgroups could be islands of humor and compassion, filled with
tidbits of mundane truth.
I want a little community where people support each other and encourage each
other. A place where they think twice about being rude or crude or unkind. I
guess that makes me a Kook. I guess I'm pining for my own little Neutopia.
I think that's what Andy wants. I think that's what he's been trying to build
for so long. He tries to tie it together with little in-jokes and web pages,
but that's all just window dressing. What he really wants is a little cyber
community where people all over the world talk to each other like close
friends.
Usenet could be that way, if we let it. Just let our hair down, lower the
defenses. Put aside the personas and insecurities and just talk about what it
means to be people.
Don't hide our weaknesses from each other. Reveal them. Support them. Lend
strength.
I don't think it can really happen. Too many people are having too much fun
being assholes. I mean, let's face it. Nobody responds to positive,
revealing posts. Nobody is willing to let their hair down and be vulnerable
in such a public place.
Not when the Net is filled with so many people who look for easy targets just
to make themselves feel better. There's no real way to seperate the adults
from the children, is there?
Shit. I guess I'm gonna have to pay 30 bucks a month to The Well.
Jaffo
On Larry King Live, Marlan Brando made the shocking statement that
Hollywood is "run by Jews." In response, outraged Jewish groups made it
snow in New York in April. - http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
Andrew S. Gurk Damick
This wisdom in alt.fan.the-bob did Jaffo impart:
: I want to sit in the Mall drinking coffee, making fun of the people that walk
: by. I want to kick back in somebody's living room with the tv off, making up
: stories that may never be written.
: I think that's what Andy wants. I think that's what he's been trying to build
: for so long. He tries to tie it together with little in-jokes and web pages,
: but that's all just window dressing. What he really wants is a little cyber
: community where people all over the world talk to each other like close
: friends.
Man, you're pretty bloody close. Really. I sincerely hope you're
publishing this on your WWW pages.
: Usenet could be that way, if we let it. Just let our hair down, lower the
: defenses. Put aside the personas and insecurities and just talk about what it
: means to be people.
: I don't think it can really happen.
I think it can, but I don't believe that it can necessarily happen for the
whole of USENET. USENET is reflective of the sorts of people who here
reside, and, until people are made of better stuff, USENET will continue
to be as it is. The key, though, is to gather together one's friends and
allies together and form our own communities of communicative excellence
and purity.
The most recent estimate for net.population is somewhere around 60 million
personages. There's no conceivable way within humam means that we can get
all of those people to act like decent human beings. I believe, though,
that we can get 10 or 20 to be the proverbial few, the happy few, the band
of net.brothers. That's one of the reasons that at NCSU we created
Smerpology. Scott "Smerp" Parkerson is one of those people who makes you
believe in humanity, who makes you think that there really are good guys
out there besides yourself who want to have their own pocket of goodness
and excellence. He's not arrogant. He's not assuming. He's not a phony.
He's Smerp, and, to me, that means something better for USENET.
--Gurk
--
a s d a m i c k : n c s u . e d u ' s c h a r i s m a m a c h i n e
EUPTS:30.8 http://www4.ncsu.edu/~asdamick/www/ Andrew S. "Gurk" Damick
ay-ess-day-mick-at-yoo-nih-tee-dot-nicksu-eedu Humble Prophet of Smerp
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <4nt798$n...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu>,
Andrew S. "Gurk" Damick <gu...@ncsu.edu> wrote:
>
>I think it can, but I don't believe that it can necessarily happen for the
>whole of USENET. USENET is reflective of the sorts of people who here
>reside, and, until people are made of better stuff, USENET will continue
>to be as it is. The key, though, is to gather together one's friends and
>allies together and form our own communities of communicative excellence
>and purity.
So where do we go about building a refuge for the truly fun and
excellent (within the bounds of our physical world, that is)?
>The most recent estimate for net.population is somewhere around 60 million
>personages. There's no conceivable way within humam means that we can get
>all of those people to act like decent human beings. I believe, though,
>that we can get 10 or 20 to be the proverbial few, the happy few, the band
^^^^^^^^^^
Proverbial? What about the literals? :) Don't forget yourself, man. If
there were a habitat for the truly cool and nice, I honestly think that
you'd be there. Reading poetry. Aloud.
>of net.brothers. That's one of the reasons that at NCSU we created
>Smerpology. Scott "Smerp" Parkerson is one of those people who makes you
>believe in humanity, who makes you think that there really are good guys
>out there besides yourself who want to have their own pocket of goodness
>and excellence. He's not arrogant. He's not assuming. He's not a phony.
>He's Smerp, and, to me, that means something better for USENET.
*mellow sigh*
Hail Smerp.
--Didymos
--
"Cause Fear is strong and Love's for everyone who isn't me."
--Soundgarden
Dianne Stanley
I surfed in and read "Mouse Balls Available as FRU" by Guye Fawkes.
Now I have very sore ribs and a busted gut.
I will have to consult my army of lawyers up here in Canada to see if I
can sue you for injuries resulting from the indiscriminate and wanton
posting of hilarious material in the public domain of the internet.
Are you sure you have what it takes to stay tuned in on the net?
James Ryan Younce
Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
: I want to spend time with people who argue about the existence of God. What
: he looks like, what he feels, where he lives. I want to talk about Angels and
: Devils and Time and Reality. I want to dream about the future and all the
: wonderful things my kids will have.
Jaffo, that post was kewl.
As for me, I want to invent warp drive, but Andy tells me that I'll end
up getting married instead. I keep telling him I don't want a bunch of
little Taco Beholders running around, but he doesn't believe me.
It's surprising, though, how many times I felt instances exactly like the
scenarios you described in that post. It was amazing. I feel the same
way about life, and can find new and even foreign things in it.
That really was a good post, and it made me think. I like it when I think.
Makes me feel spiffo.
Ryan Younce
Jaffo
Dianne Stanley <dianne....@sympatico.ca> wrote:
:I surfed in and read "Mouse Balls Available as FRU" by Guye Fawkes.
Dianne, please forgive me for ruthlessly exploiting your post, but this is the
best setup I've ever had.
Ahem.
YES FOLKS, YOU TO CAN READ THE HILLARIOUS "MOUSE BALLS" SUBMITTED TO THE
INFAMOUS BBS "HACKER'S HEAVEN" BY MYSTERIOUS HACKER D00D GUY FAWKES!
THIS WONDERFUL TEXT FILE, AND MANY OTHERS ARE AVAILABLE ON JAFFO'S WEB PAGE!
YES THAT'S JAFFO'S WEB PAGE! http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
THAT'S http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
Call NOW!
Thanks for your kind words and your wonderful setup. Can I use you in my tv
commercial?
Jaffo
jryo...@unity.ncsu.edu (James Ryan Younce) wrote:
:Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
:: I want to spend time with people who argue about the existence of God. What
:: he looks like, what he feels, where he lives. I want to talk about Angels and
:: Devils and Time and Reality. I want to dream about the future and all the
:: wonderful things my kids will have.
: Jaffo, that post was kewl.
Thanks man, I really appreciate it.
: As for me, I want to invent warp drive, but Andy tells me that I'll end
: up getting married instead. I keep telling him I don't want a bunch of
: little Taco Beholders running around, but he doesn't believe me.
I think I would rather invent warp drive than get married. Then again, there
are things you can do with a wife that you can't do with a warp drive...
: It's surprising, though, how many times I felt instances exactly like the
: scenarios you described in that post. It was amazing. I feel the same
: way about life, and can find new and even foreign things in it.
I'm glad to know I'm not just some kook. I LOVE big cities. Skyscrapers,
urban sprawl. Trendy, plazzy coffee bars, big, gorgeous corporate buildings.
Street lights and the view from a tall place.
I live on a flat plain with lots of long, low buildings. I get dizzy on the
2nd floor of the English building. I want HEIGHTS. I want a skyline. I want
a big city filled with intelligent, exciting people. I'm not sure it exists.
Good god, I've just described the NBC Thursday night lineup.
: That really was a good post, and it made me think. I like it when I think.
: Makes me feel spiffo.
High praise, thank you.
Dianne Stanley
Thanks to alt.fan.the-bob, I have been offered a TV commercial spot
simply by setting up Guye Fawkes.
Gotta go get an agent.
Bye furry people.
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <4o3hon$o...@news.onramp.net>, Jaffo <ja...@onramp.net> wrote:
>
>I think I would rather invent warp drive than get married. Then again, there
>are things you can do with a wife that you can't do with a warp drive...
Tell me about it. My warp drive can *never* hold it's own in a debate.
>I'm glad to know I'm not just some kook. I LOVE big cities. Skyscrapers,
>urban sprawl. Trendy, plazzy coffee bars, big, gorgeous corporate buildings.
>Street lights and the view from a tall place.
There's just something about metal and glass, composite plastics and neon
lights. A big city is a testament to humankind's ability to adapt,
create, build and grow.
>I live on a flat plain with lots of long, low buildings. I get dizzy on the
>2nd floor of the English building. I want HEIGHTS. I want a skyline. I want
>a big city filled with intelligent, exciting people. I'm not sure it exists.
Well, it did, until it I read that last line. Every city has it's share
of idiots. Unfortunately, Cary, NC is a veritable Eden for big city
people who don't like big cities... and 99% of the ones who move there
have all the intellegence of a handful of dirt. Sad.
E. Holmes
On Fri, 24 May 1996 05:30:46 GMT, in alt.religion.kibology ja...@onramp.net
(Jaffo) wrote:
/jryo...@unity.ncsu.edu (James Ryan Younce) wrote:
/
/: It's surprising, though, how many times I felt instances exactly like
/: the scenarios you described in that post. It was amazing. I feel the
/: same way about life, and can find new and even foreign things in it.
/
/I'm glad to know I'm not just some kook. I LOVE big cities.
/Skyscrapers, urban sprawl. Trendy, plazzy coffee bars, big,
/gorgeous corporate buildings. Street lights and the view from
/a tall place.
/
/I live on a flat plain with lots of long, low buildings. I get dizzy
/on the 2nd floor of the English building. I want HEIGHTS. I want a
/skyline. I want a big city filled with intelligent, exciting people.
/I'm not sure it exists.
Jaffo, you'd love Seattle. Unfortunately, everyone in Calif loves
Seattle, too - so they all moved there & now it's expensive. Seattle
has a city that people still walk in, although the hills are vicious
in places. Coffee carts on every corner. More performing arts than
any city except New York (it's well known as a cultural center for
perf arts). Wonderful cool weather, air that glitters it's so clear,
and snow-capped Mt Ranier floating ever in the distance like some
great watchful god. Within a couple hours you have a rain forest, an
ocean, and glacial mountains. The people are friendly, the city is
clean, and technology rules. It's the only place I know that has
floating coffee boats - they serve latte & muffins, or hotdogs &
coke to people boating on the lakes.
<sigh>
E.Holmes
(I love Seattle)
(Hey, let's run away to Seattle together.)
Louis Nick III
Note to seattle.general folks: onramp.com is Texas ISP, which seems to
have only two users on USENET, immediately below:
E. Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
>ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) wrote:
>/I'm glad to know I'm not just some kook. I LOVE big cities.
>/Skyscrapers, urban sprawl. Trendy, plazzy coffee bars, big,
>/gorgeous corporate buildings. Street lights and the view from
>/a tall place.
>/
>/I live on a flat plain with lots of long, low buildings. I get dizzy
>/on the 2nd floor of the English building. I want HEIGHTS. I want a
>/skyline. I want a big city filled with intelligent, exciting people.
>/I'm not sure it exists.
This last bit sounds like what I saw of Oklahoma City. At some time or
another, they did have a tall building, but some redneck found it
objectionable.
> Jaffo, you'd love Seattle. Unfortunately, everyone in Calif loves
That's my line.
> Seattle, too - so they all moved there & now it's expensive. Seattle
> has a city that people still walk in, although the hills are vicious
> in places.
Th only hills you might ever actually walk between are Capital and Beacon,
and it's not so bad except when you walk between them like I did, on your
way to toe surgery at the hospital there.
> Coffee carts on every corner.
Jaffo, in the deepest, darkest dirtiest alley, you can still get coffee
here.
> More performing arts than
> any city except New York (it's well known as a cultural center for
> perf arts).
No CATS. Thank Yesler for that!
> Wonderful cool weather, air that glitters it's so clear,
> and snow-capped Mt Ranier floating ever in the distance like some
> great watchful god.
Most places have something called The Sun, but we like our local God
better.
>Within a couple hours you have a rain forest, an
> ocean, and glacial mountains. The people are friendly, the city is
> clean, and technology rules.
Yeah! Electric Buses! Secret underground tunnels used only by the Cabal!
(occasionally lease to The Conspiracy)
> <sigh>
> E.Holmes
> (I love Seattle)
> (Hey, let's run away to Seattle together.)
I'll pick you both up at SeaTac.
> (Hey, let's run away to Seattle together.)
You know, if Jaffo was younger, this could be considered child predation.
K3WL!
--
"...you've got a nice mixture of total nonsense, archaic attitudes toward the
universe in general, and zero-budget, low-key stiffness."
-Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com>
Louis Nick III sn...@u.washington.edu alt.religion.louis-nick
Nick S Bensema
>2nd floor of the English building. I want HEIGHTS. I want a skyline. I want
>a big city filled with intelligent, exciting people. I'm not sure it exists.
The Crescent Hotel on 19th Avenue and Dunlap is the official "tall
building" of the .7-mile radius around it, until you reach that one
office building that I never figured out what it was.
When I went to Philadelphia, I looked to the horizon and there were no
huge mountains in the skyline that I could see. When I noticed it, it
was suddenly as if the sky were a different color, or I had moved to a
place in which the gravity was different from Earth's.
And it was only 80 degrees, but it was more miserable than the 120+
degree heat of Arizona.
Actually, the sky was a different color. It was white.
And the news channel also gave news about New Jersey and, I think,
Vermont. That's WEIRD! That's why states shouldn't be crammed so close
together.
--
N i c k B e n s e m a <ni...@primenet.com> KUPD Red Card #710563 ,-._|\
" " " " " " " " " " " """""""""""""""""""" ''''''''''''''''''''' / \
On 22 July, 1996, at 6:00 pm GMT, everyone in the world Phoenix-->*_,--._/
just START HUMMING. Those who don't know will freak. Tucson-->v
Matthew J. McIrvin
In article <4odj4n$s...@nnrp1.news.primenet.com>, ni...@primenet.com (Nick
S Bensema) wrote:
> When I went to Philadelphia, I looked to the horizon and there were no
> huge mountains in the skyline that I could see. When I noticed it, it
> was suddenly as if the sky were a different color, or I had moved to a
> place in which the gravity was different from Earth's.
>
> And it was only 80 degrees, but it was more miserable than the 120+
> degree heat of Arizona.
>
> Actually, the sky was a different color. It was white.
>
> And the news channel also gave news about New Jersey and, I think,
> Vermont. That's WEIRD! That's why states shouldn't be crammed so close
> together.
All this is *exactly* why I often wish I were back in Boulder, Colorado.
Even though it's really quite nice in Boston right now.
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Dianne Stanley
I was sitting under an umbrella in front of "Java Joe's", musing upon
Andrew's dreams of mass communication of quality on the net.
MyBOB was with me and offered this little comment: "Aw, it takes all
kinds to make the world go 'round. You just have to know how to dance
the Tango."
My comment is this: "A bad partner can leave you with a broken toe."
Carlos May
Matron E. Holmes (eho...@onramp.net) revealed:
: Jaffo, you'd love Seattle. Unfortunately, everyone in Calif loves
: Seattle, too - so they all moved there
You mean California is empty now?
DIBS!!!
* Fro...@neosoft.com ** "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs]*
President, Froggy's Usenet Salvage Company. Newsfroups R Us!!
* alt.fan.tito alt.sex.hello-kitty. ** "Tounge Of Frog" *
**"http://www" is pronounced "Hut-up Wow!". Hope This Helps!**
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <mmcirvin-290...@news.std.com>,
Matthew J. McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
>All this is *exactly* why I often wish I were back in Boulder, Colorado.
>
>Even though it's really quite nice in Boston right now.
Are you serious? Just Monday, Denver was experiencing some pretty cold
temperatures...
And you're from Boulder? Cool. I used to live in Longmont (just outside
Boulder, dontcha know).
Matthew J. McIrvin
In article <4oia8o$n...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu>, dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu (D.
Andrew Simmons) wrote:
> Are you serious? Just Monday, Denver was experiencing some pretty cold
> temperatures...
Oh, right, I heard that.
> And you're from Boulder? Cool. I used to live in Longmont (just outside
> Boulder, dontcha know).
I'm not from Boulder, but I spent the summer there every year from
1986-1991. It was so much more bearable than summer anywhere on the East
Coast. I was astonished to discover that you could walk around outside
when the temperature was 105 Fahrenheit and not die, as long as you had a
hat and a lot of factor-30 sunblock.
For most of that period I was attending college at William and Mary, in
Williamsburg, Virginia, a place really unfit for human habitation from May
to October inclusive.
LawyerBoy 0.001
asda...@unity.ncsu.edu (Andrew S. "Gurk" Damick) wrote:
>This wisdom in alt.fan.the-bob did E. Holmes impart:
>
>: Jaffo, you'd love Seattle. Unfortunately, everyone in Calif loves
>: Seattle, too - so they all moved there & now it's expensive. Seattle
>: has a city that people still walk in, although the hills are vicious
>: in places. Coffee carts on every corner. More performing arts than
>: any city except New York (it's well known as a cultural center for
>: perf arts). Wonderful cool weather, air that glitters it's so clear,
Oh, that glittering? That's from all the heroin that gets smuggled in from
the Orient via Vancouver and Seattle to keep Stone Temple Pilots from going
through withdrawal. Occasionally, one of the ships will catch fire in the
port when the crew gets out of control from sampling too much of the shipment.
The heroin crystallizes in the air and causes the air to "glitter" -as you
describe it. No big deal as long as you're not operating heavy machinery at
the time. Small cars are OK though.
>: and snow-capped Mt Ranier floating ever in the distance like some
>: great watchful god.
I took a surprisingly good picture of Mt. Ranier out of a plane when I flew
into Sea-Tac last year. I should put it up on my web page already. The pilot
must have flown around the whole damned mountain like three times so every
bastard on the plane could get a good look at it. As if you could miss it!
LawyerBoy 0.001 | http://www.neosoft.com/~jjsims/
----------------------------------------------------
alt.texas.highplains: The *real* Septic Tank of Usenet!(TM)
Ask for it by name! | "We don't need no stinkin' FAQ!"
Lee S. Bumgarner
> : Usenet has indeed changed, but I think you may be (at least to some extent)
> : viewing it through the tacky, late-60's-style long yellow textured window
> : of nostalgia. There have always been jerks on Usenet.
> I don't see how Jaffo was commenting on the proverbial Oldest Topic of
> USENET, that of saying that it was better in some non-existent "Old Days."
> He didn't say he wanted it to be "like it was," just how he wanted it to
> be. You're being non sequitur here, Brian. Don't worry, though. We're
> all irrelevant some days.
You know, I've decided that Usenet is America, ca 1970 or maybe earlier.
There is this HUGE influx of people who don't know what to do and they
are learning. I was reading a post in news.misc a few days ago and some
people were talking about how they missed the good old days. To them,
the good old days were back when Usenet was just like The Well. Although
I might get more out of it, I would rather Usenet be just like it
is now, rather than like the Well. Eventually, talking prentiously with
a bunch of clueless eggheads can get boring.
-l
B1FF is K3WL!!!!!!111!!!!
__
Undertoad: http://falcon.jmu.edu/~bumgarls/ "Klaatu barada nictow" * "Usenet
is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to
redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts
of excrement when you least expect it. " --sp...@cs.purdue.edu (1992) * Jesus
loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole * Kibo/Furr in '96!
Elisabeth Higgins
In article <mmcirvin-300...@news.std.com>,
mmci...@world.std.com says...
>
>In article <4oia8o$n...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu>, dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu (D.
>Andrew Simmons) wrote:
>
>> Are you serious? Just Monday, Denver was experiencing some pretty cold
>> temperatures...
>
>Oh, right, I heard that.
Did you hear about that car, too? Yep. There was this car, and it was by
my house, and the guy had to change the tire of that car.
Also, did you hear that I got a new mailman? I used to have one that I
hate and one I really liked, and now I just have this other one all the
time.
HO! That krazy Denver. It is a place that you other guys like to read
about!*
>> And you're from Boulder? Cool. I used to live in Longmont (just
outside
>> Boulder, dontcha know).
>
>I'm not from Boulder, but I spent the summer there every year from
>1986-1991. It was so much more bearable than summer anywhere on the East
>Coast. I was astonished to discover that you could walk around outside
>when the temperature was 105 Fahrenheit and not die, as long as you had a
>hat and a lot of factor-30 sunblock.
I'm not from Boulder, either, but I know some guys who live there.
Sometimes I go to Boulder and stuff. HO! I remember those times when I go
there. I am going tomorrow. Do you want me to look anyone up for you?
Also, they have this big turkey factory in Longmont. I know a guy who knew
a guy who was some kind of full-time paramedic at that factory for when
guys chopped off their hands. Do you want me to go look anyone up at that
turkey factory.
Love from,
Lisa "And so I says, I says..." Higginz
*This is also a thing that happened Monday: It had been raining pretty
much all weekend, and by Monday morning (still raining), it was completely
soaked. Like, the whole state. My car was THREE TIMES ITS NORMAL SIZE from
just soaking up that water and stuff. And we were tired and sleeping, and
right about the sun came up (at some krazy "early time" when you are
supposed to be sleeping), it was like...it was like a jungle. And here's
where words fail me, because I need sound effects. Like, one animal would
be saying "Koooo ROOOOO! Koooo REEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" and another would be
saying "Clickety CLAK CLAK CLAK!" and yet another would be saying "Kik kik
BOOOOOOOOOOOOrang!" and about three or four other guys would be making
smaller noises, and I just know nobody is going to believe how cool it
was. You fuckfaces. I hate you, you know that, right? You should all go
eat a big steaming bowl of fuck.
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <lisareaD...@netcom.com>,
Elisabeth Higgins <lis...@netcom.com> wrote:
>Also, they have this big turkey factory in Longmont. I know a guy who knew
>a guy who was some kind of full-time paramedic at that factory for when
>guys chopped off their hands. Do you want me to go look anyone up at that
>turkey factory.
That turkey factory sucks. It stinks up that whole end of town. Burning
feathers, and all. I'm glad I didn't live near the turkey factory.
>I hate you, you know that, right?
I wasn't aware, but I'll write it down right now just so I don't forget.
>You should all go eat a big steaming bowl of fuck.
"Bowl-O-Fuck" must be a regional thing... I can't seem to find it where I
live. And believe me, I've tried.
--
__ . "I am so mighty I do not have to kill you all!"
| \ * _| . ._ _ _ __ --The Flaming Carrot
|__/ | (_] \_| [ | ) (_) _)
._| dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu
E.Holmes
Andrew S. Gurk Damick wrote:
/
/ This wisdom in alt.fan.the-bob did E. Holmes impart:
/
/ : Jaffo, you'd love Seattle. Unfortunately, everyone in Calif loves
/ : Seattle, too - so they all moved there & now it's expensive. Seattle
/ : has a city that people still walk in, although the hills are vicious
/ : in places. Coffee carts on every corner. More performing arts than
/ : any city except New York (it's well known as a cultural center for
/ : perf arts). Wonderful cool weather, air that glitters it's so clear,
/ : and snow-capped Mt Ranier floating ever in the distance like some
/ : great watchful god. Within a couple hours you have a rain forest, an
/ : ocean, and glacial mountains. The people are friendly, the city is
/ : clean, and technology rules. It's the only place I know that has
/ : floating coffee boats - they serve latte & muffins, or hotdogs &
/ : coke to people boating on the lakes.
/
/ : (Hey, let's run away to Seattle together.)
/
/ I'M GOING. I'M GOING NOW. I'M GOING WHEN I GET THE MONEY. I'M GOING.
/
/ TAKE ME, SEATTLE! I'M YOURS TO PLAY WITH!!
/
/ --Gurk
First you have to take us to Chincoteague for our ponies.
We'll stop by 2 days before the swim so the drive up can
be leisurely. The ponies will like the west coast, don't
you know. Jaffo has the cooler, I have apples, you bring
the peanut butter. Jaffo won't go anywhere without it.
E.Holmes
(we'll never have the money, but who cares when you have
a pony)
Jaffo
Trolling in alt.religion.kibology, "E.Holmes" <eho...@onramp.net>
suckered me with:
:/ : (Hey, let's run away to Seattle together.)
:/
:/ I'M GOING. I'M GOING NOW. I'M GOING WHEN I GET THE MONEY. I'M GOING.
:/
:/ TAKE ME, SEATTLE! I'M YOURS TO PLAY WITH!!
:/
:/ --Gurk
:
: First you have to take us to Chincoteague for our ponies.
: We'll stop by 2 days before the swim so the drive up can
: be leisurely. The ponies will like the west coast, don't
: you know. Jaffo has the cooler, I have apples, you bring
: the peanut butter. Jaffo won't go anywhere without it.
<mmmm>peanut butter</mmmm>
I am feasting on Chee-Tos and Diet Coke as we speak. Do they have
Chee-Tos in Seattle?
Jaffo
One of my teeth is a cyanide capsule, but I forgot which one.
I tend to avoid hard foods. - http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
Elisabeth Higgins
In article <4opn8g$l...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu>, dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu says...
>
>In article <lisareaD...@netcom.com>,
>Elisabeth Higgins <lis...@netcom.com> wrote:
>
>>Also, they have this big turkey factory in Longmont. I know a guy who knew
>>a guy who was some kind of full-time paramedic at that factory for when
>>guys chopped off their hands. Do you want me to go look anyone up at that
>>turkey factory.
>
>That turkey factory sucks. It stinks up that whole end of town. Burning
>feathers, and all. I'm glad I didn't live near the turkey factory.
Two things:
1. I think it smells that way because of all the hands.
2. I forgot to put a question mark at the end of that sentence where I was
asking if you wanted me to say Hi! to any turkeys?
2a. I just gave you a gratuitous question mark.
>>You should all go eat a big steaming bowl of fuck.
>
>"Bowl-O-Fuck" must be a regional thing... I can't seem to find it where I
>live. And believe me, I've tried.
They have it in the turkey factory cafeteria, but I'm pretty sure it's just
made with "fuck-flavored hand bits" and not real fuck. And it sits under the
heat lamps all day, so it's not exactly "steaming," either.
YBF,
Liosinatine.
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <lisareaD...@netcom.com>,
Elisabeth Higgins <lis...@netcom.com> wrote:
>
>Two things:
>
>1. I think it smells that way because of all the hands.
No, hands smell different. Yes, I just checked.
>2. I forgot to put a question mark at the end of that sentence where I was
>asking if you wanted me to say Hi! to any turkeys?
Don't worry about it. I'm not a Grammar Nazi(tm). And I talk to all the
turkeys I know fairly regularly (Hi RAY-vee!).
>2a. I just gave you a gratuitous question mark.
Thanks! Here's an ampersand for your trouble: &
>>"Bowl-O-Fuck" must be a regional thing... I can't seem to find it where I
>>live. And believe me, I've tried.
>
>They have it in the turkey factory cafeteria, but I'm pretty sure it's just
>made with "fuck-flavored hand bits" and not real fuck. And it sits under the
>heat lamps all day, so it's not exactly "steaming," either.
Oh, okay. I've heard the stories about where fuck flavoring comes from,
and it's just plain unsettling. I'm not extremely familiar with
Bowl-O-Fuck, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather have fresh fuck than
mass-produced fuck.
Argh... I'm sitting between two people with no lives...
One obsessed with Michael Jackson.
One shopping for porn.
Bleah.
Elisabeth Higgins
In article <4our29$5...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu>, dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu says...
>>1. I think it smells that way because of all the hands.
>
>No, hands smell different. Yes, I just checked.
They SMELL like fish, but they still taste like chicken.
>>2. I forgot to put a question mark at the end of that sentence where I was
>>asking if you wanted me to say Hi! to any turkeys?
>
>Don't worry about it. I'm not a Grammar Nazi(tm). And I talk to all the
>turkeys I know fairly regularly (Hi RAY-vee!).
>
>>2a. I just gave you a gratuitous question mark.
>
>Thanks! Here's an ampersand for your trouble: &
Not to be a "Punctuation Himmler" or anything, but I think that's an "Artist
Formerly Known as Prince." HTH!
(Two fun ampersand faks! 1. The loop at the top is meant to represent the
loop of an 'e' and the cross at the bottom represents the cross of a 't.'
Get it? ET! Like in the oldern days when guys used to write &c. as short for
'etcetera.' Like that! 2. 'Ampersand' supposedly means 'and per se and!'
Another fun fak (not really) is that you know that story about Winston
Churchill saying "That is something up with which I will not put" or some
shit like that about FREAKIN' PREPOSITIONS!?!?! Has anyone else ever noticed
that 'with' is a verb particle with 'put' and 'up' and not a preposition at
all, in this case? HUH?!?!?!)
>Oh, okay. I've heard the stories about where fuck flavoring comes from,
>and it's just plain unsettling. I'm not extremely familiar with
>Bowl-O-Fuck, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather have fresh fuck than
>mass-produced fuck.
>
>Argh... I'm sitting between two people with no lives...
>One obsessed with Michael Jackson.
>One shopping for porn.
But what's WAAAAY gross is that I hear there is some guy in between
PowderBoy and the Porn Pirate who is looking for FRESH FUCK! NOT EVEN
"HOMO"GENIZED!!!!1!!!
>Bleah.
I'm SAYING!!!
From,
Sali, who used to live in NC and talk funny and alla that shit, man! BUT NOW
I LEARNT HOW TO TALK LIKE THE RIGHT KIND OF GUY AGAIN!!!!
D. Andrew Simmons
>
>They SMELL like fish, but they still taste like chicken.
I think it depends on where you get the hands. New England hands smell
like fish, midwestern hands smell kinda like tree bark.
>(Two fun ampersand faks! 1. The loop at the top is meant to represent the
>loop of an 'e' and the cross at the bottom represents the cross of a 't.'
>Get it? ET! Like in the oldern days when guys used to write &c. as short for
>'etcetera.' Like that! 2. 'Ampersand' supposedly means 'and per se and!'
>
>Another fun fak (not really) is that you know that story about Winston
>Churchill saying "That is something up with which I will not put" or some
>shit like that about FREAKIN' PREPOSITIONS!?!?! Has anyone else ever noticed
>that 'with' is a verb particle with 'put' and 'up' and not a preposition at
>all, in this case? HUH?!?!?!)
Wow. Factoids. Love 'em.
>But what's WAAAAY gross is that I hear there is some guy in between
>PowderBoy and the Porn Pirate who is looking for FRESH FUCK! NOT EVEN
>"HOMO"GENIZED!!!!1!!!
Better than that "Pasture"ized fuck.
>I'm SAYING!!!
I'm *typing*.
>From,
>Sali, who used to live in NC and talk funny and alla that shit, man! BUT NOW
>I LEARNT HOW TO TALK LIKE THE RIGHT KIND OF GUY AGAIN!!!!
I used to not live in NC but now I do. I'm very proud of the fact that I
can still form complete sentences and never say "y'all".
E Teflon Piano
In article <lisareaD...@netcom.com>, Elisabeth Higgins wrote:
>(Two fun ampersand faks! 1. The loop at the top is meant to represent the
>loop of an 'e' and the cross at the bottom represents the cross of a 't.'
>Get it? ET! Like in the oldern days when guys used to write &c. as short for
>'etcetera.' Like that! 2. 'Ampersand' supposedly means 'and per se and!'
>
This is absolutely true.
--& "compression algorithm" Piano
PS It also is a treble clef backerds!1!!
--& "coda" Piano
--
E Teflon Piano is a fellow at the Institute of Misapplied Psychometry and
founder of the Internet 'Lectronic Legal Society[dibs]. Teflon is DuPont
Corp.'s tradename for poly(tetrafluoroethylene). E is E poly(TFE) Piano
Enterprises' mark for satire, hyperbole and calculated misstatements.
(c)E 1995-96
E.Holmes
In alt.religion.kibology
dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu (D. Andrew Simmons) vouchsafed:
/I used to not live in NC but now I do. I'm very proud of the fact that I
/can still form complete sentences and never say "y'all".
It's just "yall" - we don't need no stupid apostrophes in
perfectly good pronouns.
If you didn't used to not live in NC, you woulda known that.
E.Holmes
(keeping it simple, so?)
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <31b4423b...@news.onramp.net>,
E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
>
> It's just "yall" - we don't need no stupid apostrophes in
> perfectly good pronouns.
> If you didn't used to not live in NC, you woulda known that.
I did at one time live in Alabama... so I feel familiar with the
subject... the accepted spelling (among those who have exceeded a third
grade reading level) is "y'all". Just so you know. :)
Elexis
/In article <31b4423b...@news.onramp.net>,
/E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
/>
/> It's just "yall"
[snippy bit snipped]
/I did at one time live in Alabama... so I feel familiar with the
/subject... the accepted spelling (among those who have exceeded a third
/grade reading level) is "y'all". Just so you know. :)
I beg to differ, but that isn't quite so. There has been, indeed,
an attempt to formalize its usage, but the effort can be regarded
as a patronizing ruse by the forces of cultural bias. Rather than
granting it status as an evolved pronoun (evolved, as with all
language, through natural use & with regional differences), the
effect has been to make it merely a contraction of 'standard'
(i.e., Midwestern) usage.
Left to their own devices, colloquialisms can become standard, if
they serve a desired function. Many languages have a second person
plural pronoun which stands alone, not as a contraction. The gap
in English yawns most suggestively, but we (Southerners) were the
only ones to develop an appropriate filler. But by formalizing it
as a mere contraction, the word is diminished & belittled.
Since you aren't by birth a Southerner, you couldn't be expected
to understand the undercurrents at work in this issue. It isn't as
simple as looking in a dictionary & saying, "See, there is an
apostrophe." (My dictionary doesn't have the word, but it's rather
old.) The original response was, as noted, snippy, but that doesn't
invalidate the gut level reaction experienced by a native Southerner
when his/her dialect is being inaccurately analyzed by a foreigner.
Here, I really didn't mean to hog this soapbox.
Jaffo
Trolling in alt.religion.kibology, eho...@onramp.net (Elexis)
suckered me with:
: I beg to differ, but that isn't quite so.
<scary pronoun rant snipped>
Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
Jaf'fo
D. Andrew Simmons
In article <31b5c99a...@news.onramp.net>,
Elexis <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
[snipping at snippy bit snipped] :)
> Since you aren't by birth a Southerner,
I'm sorry, I don't follow. Alabama is no longer a Southern state?
> you couldn't be expected
> to understand the undercurrents at work in this issue. It isn't as
> simple as looking in a dictionary & saying, "See, there is an
> apostrophe." (My dictionary doesn't have the word, but it's rather
> old.) The original response was, as noted, snippy, but that doesn't
> invalidate the gut level reaction experienced by a native Southerner
> when his/her dialect is being inaccurately analyzed by a foreigner.
>
> Here, I really didn't mean to hog this soapbox.
's okay, I don't like soap anyway. :)
I suppose the use of the word is (like flavor/flavour and gray/grey) left
up to personal preference.
Please note that I do become offended when people use y'all/yall
inappropriately (i.e., when speaking to only one person). I'll never
forget that within the first few minutes of "Timecop" this mistake was
made, and it just ruined the movie. Not that it was that great anyway.
watch that monkey
In <31b5c99a...@news.onramp.net> eho...@onramp.net (Elexis)
writes:
>
>In alt.religion.kibology
> dasi...@unity.ncsu.edu (D. Andrew Simmons) vouchsafed:
>
>/In article <31b4423b...@news.onramp.net>,
>/E.Holmes <eho...@onramp.net> wrote:
>/>
>/> It's just "yall"
> [snippy bit snipped]
>
>/I did at one time live in Alabama... so I feel familiar with the
>/subject... the accepted spelling (among those who have exceeded a
third
>/grade reading level) is "y'all". Just so you know. :)
>
> I beg to differ, but that isn't quite so. There has been, indeed,
> an attempt to formalize its usage, but the effort can be regarded
> as a patronizing ruse by the forces of cultural bias. Rather than
> granting it status as an evolved pronoun (evolved, as with all
> language, through natural use & with regional differences), the
> effect has been to make it merely a contraction of 'standard'
> (i.e., Midwestern) usage.
>
> Left to their own devices, colloquialisms can become standard, if
> they serve a desired function. Many languages have a second person
> plural pronoun which stands alone, not as a contraction. The gap
> in English yawns most suggestively, but we (Southerners) were the
> only ones to develop an appropriate filler. But by formalizing it
> as a mere contraction, the word is diminished & belittled.
>
> Since you aren't by birth a Southerner, you couldn't be expected
> to understand the undercurrents at work in this issue. It isn't as
> simple as looking in a dictionary & saying, "See, there is an
> apostrophe." (My dictionary doesn't have the word, but it's rather
> old.) The original response was, as noted, snippy, but that doesn't
> invalidate the gut level reaction experienced by a native Southerner
> when his/her dialect is being inaccurately analyzed by a foreigner.
>
> Here, I really didn't mean to hog this soapbox.
I'm sitting right here at my house (in middle Georgia, where I was born
and have lived for 20 years) and looking at my ashtray, which reads "Hi
Y'all! From Georgia." My parents have had this ashtray forever, and they
gave it to me, and no doubt I will have it forever, because it is very
beautiful and tacky. And I dare not doubt its spelling.
Cheers.
Traci
Elexis
Jaffo wrote:
/
/ Elexis wrote:
/
/ : I beg to differ, but that isn't quite so.
/
/ <scary pronoun rant snipped>
/
/ Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
/
/ Jaf'fo
Who, by apostrophizing his name, has suddenly become cuddly &
cute. No more pickup-truck-lust for Jaffo. No more grabbing
them by the throat until they damn well listen for Jaffo. Under
the gentling influence of Leigh, and assisted by several
donated apostrophes, Jaffo has become a sweet & innocent teddy
bear.
(Though he might prefer being just a teddy, if the right bearer
were available.)
E.
Gardner S Trask
trac...@ix.netcom.com (watch that monkey) writes:
>I'm sitting right here at my house (in middle Georgia, where I was born
>and have lived for 20 years) and looking at my ashtray, which reads "Hi
>Y'all! From Georgia." My parents have had this ashtray forever, and they
>gave it to me, and no doubt I will have it forever, because it is very
>beautiful and tacky. And I dare not doubt its spelling.
Would that be the Official Oxford University Unabridged Ashtray, or the
Websters instant word guide ashtray?
There is a difference y'know.
Gardner "I did'nt realize how bad my New England accent was till I recieved
mail from Atlanta addressed to 'Gadna Trask'" Trask
--
Gardner S. Trask III tr...@world.std.com
"First .cultured man on the Internet" alt.culture.gard-trask
rah...@sonic.net - Elf of the redwoods, sez "I don't crosspost.
I post Followups to other people's Crossposted posts on occasion."
watch that monkey
In <DsKyC...@world.std.com> tr...@world.std.com (Gardner S Trask)
writes:
>
>trac...@ix.netcom.com (watch that monkey) writes:
>
>>I'm sitting right here at my house (in middle Georgia, where I was
born
>>and have lived for 20 years) and looking at my ashtray, which reads
"Hi
>>Y'all! From Georgia." My parents have had this ashtray forever, and
they
>>gave it to me, and no doubt I will have it forever, because it is very
>>beautiful and tacky. And I dare not doubt its spelling.
>
>
>Would that be the Official Oxford University Unabridged Ashtray, or the
>Websters instant word guide ashtray?
>
>There is a difference y'know.
Har har -- I think it's the Webster's. And speaking of Webster's, did
you know that the word "slacker" is in the newest version? Aaaauugh...
Jaffo
Trolling in alt.religion.kibology, Elexis <eho...@Onramp.Net>
suckered me with:
:Jaffo wrote:
:/
:/ Elexis wrote:
:/
:/ : I beg to differ, but that isn't quite so.
:/
:/ <scary pronoun rant snipped>
:/
:/ Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
:/
:/ Jaf'fo
:
: Who, by apostrophizing his name, has suddenly become cuddly &
: cute. No more pickup-truck-lust for Jaffo. No more grabbing
: them by the throat until they damn well listen for Jaffo. Under
: the gentling influence of Leigh, and assisted by several
: donated apostrophes, Jaffo has become a sweet & innocent teddy
: bear.
Ah, I have always been cuddly and harmless. Some days I'm just MORE
cuddly and harmless than others. I've given up trying to be DASHING,
SOPHISTICATED, or HANDSOME. I'll settle for KUTE.
: (Though he might prefer being just a teddy, if the right bearer
: were available.)
Just waiting for the right woman to squeeze the stuffing out of me and
gouge my eyes out.
Jaffo (Actually, I was going for the Maud'dib thing.)
Louis Nick III
Elexis <eho...@Onramp.Net> wrote:
>Jaffo wrote:
>/ Ya'll come back now, ya hear!
>/
>/ Jaf'fo
>
> Who, by apostrophizing his name, has suddenly become cuddly &
> cute. No more pickup-truck-lust for Jaffo. No more grabbing
> them by the throat until they damn well listen for Jaffo. Under
> the gentling influence of Leigh, and assisted by several
> donated apostrophes, Jaffo has become a sweet & innocent teddy
> bear.
> were available.)
Am I the only one that notices the huge quantity of sexual tension between
(or perhaps among) you Texans? Like there's anything else to do, go get
laid!
--
This week on the Ark Kibo took an extended shore leave to visit his
personal team of Brane Kare specialists, who performed exhaustive tests on
the interior of Kibo's cranium and found nothing. -- Twark Vol.2 No.5
=== Louis Nick III sn...@u.washington.edu alt.religion.louis-nick ===
E.Holmes
watch that monkey wrote:
/ In <DsKyC...@world.std.com> (Gardner S Trask) writes:
/
/ >trac...@ix.netcom.com (watch that monkey) writes:
/ >
/ >>I'm sitting right here at my house (in middle Georgia, where I was
/ >>born and have lived for 20 years) and looking at my ashtray, which
/ >>reads "Hi Y'all! From Georgia." My parents have had this ashtray
/ >>forever, and they gave it to me, and no doubt I will have it forever,
/ >>because it is very beautiful and tacky. And I dare not doubt its spelling.
/ >
/ >Would that be the Official Oxford University Unabridged Ashtray, or the
/ >Websters instant word guide ashtray?
/ >
/ >There is a difference y'know.
/
/ Har har -- I think it's the Webster's. And speaking of Webster's, did
/ you know that the word "slacker" is in the newest version? Aaaauugh...
Poor deluded innocent monkey watcher. Turn the Webster's Ashtray
over and read where it was made. Do I have any takers for Taiwan?
Considering its age, it wouldn't be China, but Singapore is another
possibility (it's old enough to be pre-software & chips economy).
You do know about user manuals for items made 'overseas' don't you?
Let me quote from one I happen to have handy:
(this is from a slender booklet titled merely, "User's Manual: 15"
Flat Screen Multi Sync Color Monitor")
(BTW, this gem did NOT originate anywhere in the Far East, & I'm not
saying where it came from; the only foreigners I'm impugning in this
thread are Yankees)
3. Controls and Settings
In order to make a complete picture you need, please do the steps
as follows after you turn the power ON.
a. Here are nine modes of timing to be automatically presetted
by this monitor. Once the reset key have been acted at the
auto situation, you need not do any effective controls to
the picture sizes and positions at the front panel; and you
can have the correct picture if video card you used is
matched with the following modes specified in specification;
if not, please execute manual actions (see the next step).
Now what the heck did that mean? Fortunately, I don't often need
the user guides.
Point is obvious, don't you think? I won't belabor it here.
Elexis
Louis Nick III
Elexis <eho...@Onramp.Net> wrote:
>/ Jaf'fo
>
> Who, by apostrophizing his name, has suddenly become cuddly &
> cute. No more pickup-truck-lust for Jaffo. No more grabbing
> them by the throat until they damn well listen for Jaffo. Under
> the gentling influence of Leigh, and assisted by several
> donated apostrophes, Jaffo has become a sweet & innocent teddy
> bear.
> (Though he might prefer being just a teddy, if the right bearer
> were available.)
Jaf'fo, now with snap-crotch.
Jaffo
Trolling in alt.fan.the-bob, sn...@u.washington.edu (Louis Nick III)
suckered me with:
:Am I the only one that notices the huge quantity of sexual tension between
:(or perhaps among) you Texans? Like there's anything else to do, go get
:laid!
There is no sexual tension in Texas. The most delicate pickup line in
the state is, "Hey Bay-BEE, nice boots..."
Or perhaps, "I got some green carpet in the back o' my El Camino.
It's just like a minature golf course back there, if'en you know what
I mean, and I think YA'LL do..."
The bars are full of women that actually RESPOND to lines like these.
It is frightfully easy to get laid in Texas. But it is very difficult
to get laid SOBER.
Jaffo
E.Holmes
In alt.religion.kibology
sn...@u.washington.edu (Louis Nick III) enlightens us with:
/Elexis <eho...@Onramp.Net> wrote:
/>/ Jaf'fo
/>
/> Who, by apostrophizing his name, has suddenly become cuddly &
/> cute. No more pickup-truck-lust for Jaffo. No more grabbing
/> them by the throat until they damn well listen for Jaffo. Under
/> the gentling influence of Leigh, and assisted by several
/> donated apostrophes, Jaffo has become a sweet & innocent teddy
/> bear.
/> (Though he might prefer being just a teddy, if the right bearer
/> were available.)
/
/Jaf'fo, now with snap-crotch.
Hey guys, yall broke my Agent. Well, actually it isn't broken,
but it sounded good. However, it *will* only show a max of 15
followup levels & that's been exceeded on this thread by at
least 2 levels.
KiboL
(who wants all the leveling done for her, that's why she *pays*
for software)
(who realizes that maybe she should learn to write her own)
(sigh)
E.Holmes
In alt.fan.the-bob Jaffo enlightens us with:
/Trolling in alt.fan.the-bob, sn...@u.washington.edu (Louis Nick III)
/suckered me with:
/
/:Am I the only one that notices the huge quantity of sexual tension between
/:(or perhaps among) you Texans?
I'm not tense at all.
/:Like there's anything else to do, go get
/:laid!
Sorry, I have to wash my hair tonight.
/There is no sexual tension in Texas. The most delicate pickup line in
/the state is, "Hey Bay-BEE, nice boots..."
/
/Or perhaps, "I got some green carpet in the back o' my El Camino.
/It's just like a minature golf course back there, if'en you know what
/I mean, and I think YA'LL do..."
^^^^^
YM 'yall'. HTH.
/The bars are full of women that actually RESPOND to lines like these.
/It is frightfully easy to get laid in Texas. But it is very difficult
/to get laid SOBER. ^^^^^^^^^
YM 'disconcerting', considering
how much better they look at
closing time.
KiboL
"My surface plasmons resonate with delight!"
Thomas M Richardson
[ I just got e-mail from Lisa about 15 minutes ago!!! Isn't that
K3WL?!? The down side is that she said that rone and I should
get married or something. Sheesh. I'm ALREADY married fer
cryin' out loud! And my wife kinda freaked when I told her that
I had invited Louis Nick to stay in our home during his drive
back to Seattle. Just IMAGINE what she'd say if she found out
that I was gonna marry rone and that he'd probably want to move
in with us!!! ]
WARNING: Hey, W e d n e s d a y , DON'T read this post!!! If you do,
you won't like what you see. You HAVE been WARNED!!!
Lisa "Woman in the Wall" Higgins (lis...@netcom.com) wrote:
>>> 1. I think it smells that way because of all the hands.
Some other d00d (Not Damick!) from Valvano State replied:
>> No, hands smell different. Yes, I just checked.
Lisa countered:
> They SMELL like fish, but they still taste like chicken.
^^^^^^^
When I scanned that, I thought she had written "children" instead of
"chicken". Weird. Anyway, I have no joke, I just like saying:
They SMELL like fish, but they still taste like CHILDREN.
Lisa elucidated:
> Another fun fak (not really) is that you know that story about Winston
> Churchill saying "That is something up with which I will not put" or some
> shit like that about FREAKIN' PREPOSITIONS!?!?! Has anyone else ever
> noticed that 'with' is a verb particle with 'put' and 'up' and not a
> preposition at all, in this case? HUH?!?!?!
You know, if I were a physicist, I think I'd study verb particles.
Really.
'Cause in hazardous waste engineering, we use 'of' as a verb particle with
'dispose'. Isn't that a krazy coincidence?
Tom "Top" Richardson
Kibo in '96!
beverley
In article <4pfp20$2...@ionews.ionet.net>,
Thomas M Richardson <tric...@ionet.net> wrote:
>Lisa countered:
>> They SMELL like fish, but they still taste like chicken.
> ^^^^^^^
>When I scanned that, I thought she had written "children" instead of
>"chicken". Weird. Anyway, I have no joke, I just like saying:
>
> They SMELL like fish, but they still taste like CHILDREN.
But ....
Ahhhhh, forget it.
-- sweet dreams are made of these
--
http://www.hallucinet.com/wednesday ====== http://www.tezcat.com/~wednsday
Bev <wedn...@tezcat.com> then suddenly realized that the only people who
leave flowers at midnight in peoples' foyer are the people who are insane!
Havok
In article <4phrh7$6...@huitzilo.tezcat.com>,
wedn...@tezcat.com (beverley) wrote:
:In article <4pfp20$2...@ionews.ionet.net>,:
:But ....
:
:Ahhhhh, forget it.
:
:-- sweet dreams are made of these
:
ack...i just listened to dc talk, mr. manson is not something i wanted to
think about.
---people call me strange, does that make me a stranger?
E.Holmes
Finally, Havok remarks:
/ then beverley wrote:
/: first Thomas M Richardson wrote:
/:
[snipped to be concise & I didn't know
what they were talking about anyway]
/
/---people call me strange, does that make me a stranger?
Only if you're lonely & insist on serenading them at night.
KiboL
6 July 1996 ~~~ IT'S TIME!!! ~~~ Ask me for details!
hamlet the panda
Stranger on a Strange LAN?
the pandas,
hamlet, Bishop, Robin, J.S.
--
+|+ hamlet the panda | http://www.california.com/~hamlet
-*- "We are the opposite of people, we are ACTORS."
+|+ - First Player (Tom Stoppard)
Havok
In article <31bd7813...@news.onramp.net>,
eho...@onramp.net (E.Holmes) wrote:
:/---people call me strange, does that make me a stranger?
:
: Only if you're lonely & insist on serenading them at night.
:
i see, so the Mariachi band has to go?
:KiboL
:
:6 July 1996 ~~~ IT'S TIME!!! ~~~ Ask me for details!
:
ok...what happens on july 6th?
Elynalexis
In alt.religion.kibology, ham...@california.com (hamlet the panda) remarks:
/ha...@onramp.net (Havok) wrote:
/
/> ---people call me strange, does that make me a stranger?
/
/Stranger on a Strange LAN?
/
I can see that you're certainly at home here.
Come on in & set a spell.
KiboL
(alt.rissa needs some well-read denizens; or even some
poorly read denizens; heck, if you can fall across a
keyboard once or twice it'll do)
hamlet the panda
In article <31bf3c1f...@news.onramp.net>, eho...@onramp.net
(Elynalexis) wrote:
> In alt.religion.kibology, ham...@california.com (hamlet the panda) remarks:
>
> /ha...@onramp.net (Havok) wrote:
> /
> /> ---people call me strange, does that make me a stranger?
> /
> /Stranger on a Strange LAN?
> /
>
> I can see that you're certainly at home here.
> Come on in & set a spell.
Sit a spell? I'd rather dance a circle.
hamlet
Dianne Stanley
Are you Jaffo's new net friend?
If so, I have been politely instructed to keep my hands off newsgroup
posts that originate from you.
Only you can lift this restriction as an independent net personality. I
will await your reply.
P.S. Do not mention this to Jaffo.
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.fan.the-bob, Dianne Stanley
<dianne....@sympatico.ca> wrote:
:Are you Jaffo's new net friend?
He will never know. Stupid putz. I've been putting stuff over on him for
YEARS.
Dianne, I hereby rescind any and all restrictions I placed on Young Havok. He
is yours to play with. Please accept him as my gift to you.
Who am I to stand between Havok and his Usenet education? I was
overprotective and repressive and I apologize to you both.
You kids have fun. <wink>
Jaffo
To be fair, I think we should compare "Battlefield: Earth"
to some novels Hubbard wrote BEFORE he died... - John Laviolette
http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo
Andrew S. 'Gurk' Damick
Jaffo (ja...@onramp.net) wrote:
: Dianne, I hereby rescind any and all restrictions I placed on Young Havok. He
: is yours to play with. Please accept him as my gift to you.
: Who am I to stand between Havok and his Usenet education? I was
: overprotective and repressive and I apologize to you both.
: You kids have fun. <wink>
You are TWISTED. TWISTED, I tell you. Because of this, I am now going to
begin to execute an elaborate set of Havok-directed trolls in the classic
"Herfh-in-Stick" maneuver strategy. I hope you brought your binoculars.
--Gurk
--
Note that this email address, asda...@richnet.net, is no
longer functioning. Please direct all email to my normal
address, gu...@ncsu.edu. Gurk say "Herfh!" to you. ------
Dianne Stanley
Thank you for lifting all restrictions regarding my communication with
Havo_.
Some things can get going on the Net but have to be finished
face-to-face.
MyBOB is getting older and wilder...I mean wiser...no, wilder, with each
passing moment. Sometimes, I think he would have made a good Admiral.
When I asked him how one leaps over the last hurdle from Rear-Admiral to
Admiral, he accessed his factoid data bank and said:
l. He must be fluent and powerful in the use of curses...I mean,
cursors.
2. He must be able to rant...I mean, chant...orders to any rhythm
(Blues, Reggae, Gershwin, Sousa, etc.) without stopping to breathe more
than once every 60 seconds. (Try it! This is not easily done.)
3. He must be able to clear a roomful of Marines and SEALS with a single
flaming FARThing's worth of REMF hot air.
OR, IN ONE FLYING LEAP...
4. He must undergo a sex change, go to medical school and get chosen to
be the next Surgeon-General.
MyBOB is very smart.
Say "YO" to Andrew and Scott for me. I would love to hear from all three
of you on alt.fan.the-bob.
BTW, I am a bit green when it comes to E. Holmes but I am learning to
appreciate your need for a KIBO mom.
Guess what I am green with:
l. Money,
2. Envy,
3. Nausea,
4. Alien Parasitic Invasion,
5. Inexperience, and/or
6. CLASSIFIED.
Be kind, now.
SPINE!
SSDdM
Dianne Stanley
I was pleased to check back tonight and notice a post from Andrew S.
Damick regarding "Havoc" that followed my reply dated June l9, l996, and
timed 22:53:52 GMT.
The date of the latest post by Andrew is June l7, l996, timed 12:57:18
GMT.
There is probably a simple explanation for this that escapes me.
I need everybody to follow the "KISS" principle (Keep it simple, stupid!)
Please explain what Havok can expect to wreak.
SPINE!
SSDdM
E.Holmes
In alt.fan.the-bob, ham...@california.com (hamlet the panda) remarks:
/> I can see that you're certainly at home here.
/> Come on in & set a spell.
/
/Sit a spell? I'd rather dance a circle.
/
If you dance circles without setting the spells, the demons
will grab you and your SOUL WILL GET SUCKED STRAIGHT TO HELL!
So do try to take things calmly and in good order. Especially
calmly. I am always calm. My doctor complimented me just today
on how calm I am lately.
E.Holmes
http://rampages.onramp.net/~eholmes/
A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It must
go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain.
Jaffo
:Thank you for lifting all restrictions regarding my communication with
:Havo_.
:
:Some things can get going on the Net but have to be finished
:face-to-face.
<cough cough> <snicker> <grin>
I'll say this for you, DS, you are one pointy dessert. Which is to say SHARP
COOKIE
I regret that I stood between you and Havok. In a world full of twisty paths
and broken roads, we must not allow our journeys to be impeded by the Tiny
Brains. I trust I am using my larger one now.
:BTW, I am a bit green when it comes to E. Holmes but I am learning to
:appreciate your need for a KIBO mom.
<cough> <sputter> I'm sorry to hear about your color change, my Favorite
Canadian Groupie. Rest assured I do not discriminate on the basis of pigment.
As for my needs, well, I have a surplus of Mothers these days, but everybody
needs a little KIBO.
:Guess what I am green with:
:
:2. Envy,
:
You flatter me, DS. A lovely word, "flatter".
I can't write this post without thinking about the concept of IDENTITY.
Usenet is a grand masquerade ball, filled with watchers and dancers and stages
and high theater.
Some of the dancers wear costume, many just stay in shadow. But we all wear
masks, and sometimes these masks can look QUITE convincing. The party can
look so real we sometimes forget the elaborate deception taking place
underneath.
My mask looks a lot like my face. Wry smile, happy eyes, maybe a little weary
and bewildered these days. The man underneath isn't so far from the picture,
really. I try very hard to stay true to myself.
But let's not let the masks define the people under them. Lovely masks in
this place that Kibo built. Lovely masks. You, of all people, should know
that things in the mirror are at the same time smaller and infinitely larger
than they appear.
E. Holmes is no exception. KiboMom is one lovely mask. But who among us
would dare define the woman underneath?
Not me, surely. Even my arrogance has limits.
And surely not you, Dianne. To define a woman is to negate her, after all.
How many men have fallen into the trap of defining away their One True Love?
Chipping the parts away until nothing stands but empty labels.
Women must keep their mystery. Men can be obvious. That is our function.
But women must maintain some mystery or their power is lost.
Dianne, your post has been filed in my permanent Usenet folders under "Pending
Legal Action," with a cross reference under "Precognition."
I am flattered by your attention, but now that you have Havok to play with, I
would request that you have the Canadian Authorities kindly remove their
devices from my home.
A little warning to all the good boys and girls of Usenet. A hard lesson I
just learned. Be careful what you pretend to be, because deep down, you _are_
what you pretend to be.
Sometimes the pretense is flimsy and falls away easily with a little tug.
Sometimes it is firmly rooted and can stay in place even in strong wind. And
sometimes, you wake up in absolute horror, realizing that the mask you wear
has suddenly become your true face.
Take a moment and ask yourself what mask you are wearing today. And if you
insist on wearing one, make sure it is adjusted tight and firm against your
face. If you leave them on without regular maintenance, sometimes the damn
things slip, revealing things you didn't want to show...
Maybe I was wearing my Jaffo face today, or maybe, (just this once), I wasn't
wearing any mask at all.
Good day to you.
Michael Duff
Jaffo
Wasting taxpayer money in alt.fan.the-bob, eho...@onramp.net (E.Holmes)
wrote:
:In alt.fan.the-bob, ham...@california.com (hamlet the panda) remarks:
:
:/> I can see that you're certainly at home here.
:/> Come on in & set a spell.
:/
:/Sit a spell? I'd rather dance a circle.
:/
: If you dance circles without setting the spells, the demons
: will grab you and your SOUL WILL GET SUCKED STRAIGHT TO HELL!
<tap tap> Darling? Honey, it's time for your medication. You like your
medication, don't you? It's the chewy raspberry flavor this time.
Mmmmmmmmm!!!
Thaaaaaaat's a good girl. Nite nite
Tomorrow we can go see the nice Doctor man again. You like the nice Doctor
man, don't you?
Ellen will be sleeping for a while, so you guys just post Real Quiet for the
next few hours, 'kay?
Jaffo
Andrew S. Gurk Damick
This wisdom in alt.fan.the-bob did Dianne Stanley impart:
: I was pleased to check back tonight and notice a post from Andrew S.
: timed 22:53:52 GMT.
:
: The date of the latest post by Andrew is June l7, l996, timed 12:57:18
: GMT.
:
: There is probably a simple explanation for this that escapes me.
The weird thing about this is that I'm not even sure what it is you're
asking. You're weirding me out, Dianne. Confusing me is no small task,
you know.
--Gurk
--
Andrew S. "Gurk" Damick - Prophet of Smerp
Smerpology will make your teeth clean and white.
"I don't believe it...I'm MULTIDIMENSIONAL!!!"
-Smerp