The CrackFAQ (revised 2001-03-15)
CrackFAQ
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Notice: This document was reviewed and discussed in alt.binaries.cracks and
has the approval of ALL of the _contributors_ as of this date. Suggestions
for changes are always welcome, please use subject line "ATTN: CrackFAQ"
We want to help you get the most out of alt.binaries.cracks. Please read this.
Follow the guidelines below and you WILL get help. Ignore them, and you may be
ignored.
To emphasize this point - if you follow the advice below - you WILL get help.
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Table of Contents
0. Quick Answers
1. Introduction
2. What subjects are ON-TOPIC? What are common OFF-TOPIC posts?
3. Which programs are good candidates for cracking?
4. What are poor candidates for cracking?
5. How do I get my request filled? (or Why am I being ignored?)
6. Is this legal?
7. Other Frequently Asked Questions
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0. Quick Answers
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WARNINGS
This is not the group for F.O.S.I. questions, read their FAQ at their site.
Use any search engine like http://www.metacrawler.com/ to find their URL.
If you are GREEDY or IMPATIENT - you WON'T get help
NO REPLIES BY EMAIL - WATCH FOR THE ANSWER HERE
If you post it - IT WON'T BE CRACKED
TESTS belong in alt.binaries.test
CHALLENGES WILL NOT BE WORKED ON
AOL ADDONS WILL NOT BE WORKED ON
THERE IS NO LIST - WE DO NOT TRADE HERE
We don't fix warez releases - contact the release group.
We don't know why [website] is not working. DON'T ASK.
SPAM IS NOT WELCOME NOR ARE ANY OTHER ADVERTISEMENTS.
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New to Usenet? Please read the general Usenet FAQs at
http://www.faqs.org/usenet/
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Get inctrl5.zip and USE IT:
http://download.lycos.com/swadv/AdvResults.asp?form=advanced&query=inctrl5.zip
Get Forte's Agent and USE IT:
ftp://ftp.forteinc.com/pub/agent/a32-18.exe
Buy it (recommended) or http://us.box.sk/cgi-bin/robot.cgi?srch=forte+agent
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Most Frequently Requested Cracks:
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Adobe - there are none for their save disabled trials
Microsoft product serials
Try 111-1111111 or 1112-1111111 or http://kickme.to/winblowz98 by Nitallica
Winzip
http://us.box.sk/cgi-bin/robot.cgi?srch=winzip
Zip Password Crackers
http://us.box.sk/cgi-bin/robot.cgi?srch=zipcrack
Paintshop Pro
http://us.box.sk/cgi-bin/robot.cgi?srch=paintshop
Macromedia Flash, Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Director and deprotectors
http://us.box.sk/cgi-bin/robot.cgi?srch=macromedia
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Did you check http://astalavista.box.sk/ ? Try both the author and app names.
Did you check http://www.elitetoplist.com/ for a retail version of the app?
What are (ISO/RAR/etc.) files? http://www.wotsit.org/
Looking for a specific file? Go to http://www.filesearch.ru/en/advanced/
Looking for programs (aka warez)? Go to http://www.warezfaq.org/
Looking for TV Card descramblers? Try alt.binaries.multimedia.utilities
Looking for audiowarez? Try alt.binaries.sounds.utilities
Looking for non-ratio ftp sites? Try http://alt2600.com/faqs
Need help copying a CDROM? Try alt.comp.periphs.cdr
Need help with a game? Try http://www.gamecopyworld.com/
Need help with Sony Playstation games? Try alt.games.video.sony-playstation
Need help with privacy/anonymity? Try alt.privacy or alt.privacy.anon-server
Need help with passwords? Try http://www.hackers-supply.com/hack/psw/crack.html
Need porn site passwords? Look in alt.sex.passwords - we don't have them
AVP Virus Software is not AVX -> http://www.avp.ch/E/products.htm
Need a better newsfeed, ISP, search engine, etc.?
Check alt.binaries.news-server-comparison and The Yahoo! directory
Confused by FWIW, HTH, RTFM? http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/abbrev.html
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BEFORE You complain about others please read:
The SPAM FAQ: http://www.killfile.org/~tskirvin/faqs/spam.html
NetAbuse FAQ: http://www.cybernothing.org/faqs/net-abuse-faq.html
and the appropriate Acceptable Use Policy for their News Server.
If they are complying with the 3 documents above - there is not much you
can do except learn how to use a killfilter
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1. Introduction
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alt.binaries.cracks was created for the purpose of "diverting large
binaries from alt.cracks". That means that "binary cracks" are welcome
here. Discussion on cracking related topics is also welcome. Anything
else should be posted to another group.
Please, CRACKS ONLY - NOT APPLICATIONS (cracked or uncracked) here.
Post applications to alt.binaries.misc or a warez group [you can post an
"alert message" that says the app was posted somewhere else].
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What's a crack? It is an unauthorized modification to software (similar
to putting a high performance exhaust system on your car), a serial
number, registration code, or some other means of removing software
limitations.
Who are these crackers? Crackers are software engineers who work on
programs without the benefit of the original source code. Most are
hobbyists. All post their work for free. THEY OWE YOU NOTHING. All they
ask is that you follow the guidelines below.
Cracks are designed to overcome "performance limitations" in software to
allow you to more accurately assess the usefulness of the product.
Timebombs, menu disabling, and Nag Screens are all hinderances to "high
performance computing".
Icon modification and cosmetic fixes (splash screen killing) are also
on-topic, as is the removal of dongle (hardlock) code.
Do a web search for "software reverse engineering" for more details.
DO NOT CROSSPOST your requests outside of alt.cracks, alt.binaries.cracks
and alt.binaries.cracks.phrozen-crew - these are the core cracks groups.
Excessive cross-posting will bring you nothing but trouble.
The alt.2600.* groups HAVE NOTHING TO DO with alt.binaries.cracks
Please also read:
LeoGetz's Booby-Trapped Shareware list - http://LGbts.cjb.net/
Nitallica's "How To Search" - http://learn2search.cjb.net/
and other messages about the application you seek.
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2. What subjects are ON-TOPIC? What are common OFF-TOPIC posts?
ON-TOPIC: (Requests for) Cracks, serial numbers, and special modifications
to SOFTWARE. 99% of current activity is for Win32 programs. Please
confine non-binary posts to cracking related discussion.
OFF-TOPIC: PSX, Hardware discussions, CDROM copy questions, "What's the
best?" questions, Porn/Adultcheck Passwords, Trading, Full
applications, "how do I use this app?", uncracked "Crack this"
programs, Viruses, Mailbombers, Autoposters, Nukers, ICQ,
Hotmail/etc., descramblers, Game cracks, cheats and patches,
FTP sites, WWW sites, hacking, General software or warez support
questions ("how do I...?")
GRAY-AREA: Jokes. Occasional humor is welcome, especially at the expense
of lamers. Just don't get carried away. PGP messages are also
discouraged - use other means when possible.
There are over 60,000 newsgroups - find the one with the title closest to
your question and ask it there. You will get more help faster.
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3. Which programs are good candidates for cracking?
a. Timebombs: The program operates with all features for a set number of days.
One form of timebomb is Timelock or VBox by Preview Software.
b. Registration Codes: The software requires a serial number to turn on all
of its features.
c. Dongles: The program checks for the presence of a hardware device and goes
into demo mode if the dongle is not present.
d. Smear/Watermark: The program alters all saved images by overprinting an X
or text on them.
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4. What are poor candidates for cracking?
a. Crippled: Often saving, copying to the clipboard, or printing are disabled.
The code for those functions may not be present in the demo. If that is the
case, then the application cannot be fixed. Don't expect crippled applications
to be fixed at the same rate as the good candidate applications.
b. Large or limited distribution: Crackers cannot work on programs by telepathy
- they need to get their hands on the program. If there isn't a download URL,
it's probably not a good candidate.
c. SPAMMING tools: email extractors, autoposters, mass mailers and the like
are a pox on the internet. No one likes SPAM, and we're not going to make
their job any easier.
d. If the author mentions getting a registered version in the mail or via a
secret URL, the demo is probably too crippled to fix.
e. Visual Basic applications - be certain to note the VB version number.
VB4 is nearly uncrackable, and interpreted VB5 and VB6 apps (as opposed to
compiled) are just as bad.
f. AOL addons - a cracker needs to subscribe to AOL to test the crack.
g. Java app - programs like Anfy Java and other web fluff are rarely cracked.
h. Non-Win32 apps - most crackers are using Win9x or WinNT
i. Games - game demos are crippled and the game crackers don't read a.b.c
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5. How do I get my request filled? (or Why am I being ignored?)
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Ignorance is tolerated by most crackers and posters, but laziness is not.
Following this procedure should prove to be a real time-saver for you.
Regular visitors to this group know and use these sites first, prior to
making a request. Why wait days to see if someone responds to your post?
Check this URLs first and odds are you'll find what you are looking for:
http://astalavista.box.sk/
Couldn't locate it?
Visit Nitallica's http://learn2search.cjb.net/ to discover new ways of
finding things on the web and ftp sites.
Then go back the message headers for alt.binaries.cracks and use the FIND
function in your news reader. Type in a few characters pertaining to the
program you want and press "Find", followed by "Find Next" to browse
through all the related messages.
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If you still have no success, proceed as follows:
You MUST supply the EXACT version number with your request to make certain
that you get the right crack. You MUST provide a download URL for the
same reason.
NOTE: Requests must be labelled 'REQ', 're' is for followups to previous posts.
For best results, post a request using this form:
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===================================================================
Subject : REQ: Crack for SuperNeato 2.0.3 by NeatoSoft
: (many crackers filter on "REQ:" - use "Re:" ONLY for REPLIES)
===================================================================
Message Body
Application : Put *FULL* name of application here with version number
: Should be the same as the subject line.
Author(s) : Company name, etc (it may make a difference, especially
: if they use the same protection on all their apps!)
Website URL : http://www.information page of app
: i.e. http://www.neato.com/neato203.htm
Download URL : http://www.full url to download (http: or ftp:)
: i.e. http://www.neato.com/downloads/ndemo203.zip , a link to a page is NOT OK
Download Size : 1.8 MB (this is _important_ - many crackers have slow modems)
Description : What kind of program is it? Util, PS Plugin, etc?
: i.e. 3D Graphics Program
OS Info : what OS is it available on? which one are you asking to crack?
: i.e. Windows NT ONLY
File Size : name of the program and file size (so crackers know they're
: working on the RIGHT version and file you're asking for!!)
: i.e. Neato.exe 1,234,098 bytes
File Version : self explanatory (FULL VERSION NUMBER)
: i.e. My Neato Program 2.0.3[tip - right click on file, look at
: Properties -> Version Tab]
Language : ditto! (ENGLISH, FRENCH, ETC.)
Protection : Is it time bombed, crippled (describe HOW and WHAT features)
: passworded, file save disabled, etc. BE DETAILED, THE MORE
: INFO YOU GIVE THE EASIER IT IS TO FIND AND DISABLE.
Comments : Description and any other comments you think might help.
: This is a sales pitch - you want to sell a cracker on it!
Contact : SECURE email address, or VIA newsgroup (ATTN: WHOMEVER) so
: that if a cracker needs more info from you or wants to test
: it before posting. Consider using alt.anonymous.messages.
: Supply your RSA public PGP key in your first message.
===================================================================>8[cut here]
No download URL? Ask first using the template and explain that in the
comments. Usually a cracker asks that the app be posted to alt.binaries.misc
Remember - it's impossible for a cracker to modify a program if she can't
get her hands on it. CDROM size programs are usually out of the question.
Much of the success of an effective crack will depend on the amount of detail
YOU provide about the program. Just waiting around to install the app _after_
the crack is made is considered laziness. The cracker has to put that work in
and so should you.
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6. Is this legal?
That question is OFF-TOPIC here. If you are worried, don't use any of the
patches or serial numbers posted here. You can ask in a *.legal or *.law
group, but you won't like the answer. Just like modifications to automobiles,
the answers vary by country, state, or city.
If the product meets your needs and you continue to use it, you ought to reward
the authors for their work. You want them to improve the program, don't you?
BE DISCREET. Don't brag about this group, or draw unwanted attention here.
Specifically, don't harass or taunt the author.
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7. Other Frequently Asked Questions:
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Q. How do I use a crack?
A. All good quality cracks come with instructions in the [i]NFO file.
Use any text editor to read the NFO file. If you still do not understand,
ask for help AND tell us which crack you are trying to use.
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Q. How do I know if a cracker is working on my request?
A. Crackers rarely advertise what they are working on. Be patient.
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Q. I've asked 3 times now, what do I have to do to get you to post the crack?
A. Be patient. Fill in the request form and post it weekly until you get
an answer or a crack.
Getting impatient or complaining about the wait will DELAY the crack.
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Q. How do I unzip/unrar/unace/decode/etc.?
A. Do a web search and visit http://www.winzip.com/ , http://www.rarsoft.com/ ,
etc.
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Q. How do I learn how to crack?
A. The answers are on the web - learn how to search it.
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Q. Can I post programs to alt.binaries.cracks?
A. Please post cracks or serials to alt.binaries.cracks. Programs belong
in another group.
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Q. Can I post cracks to alt.binaries.cracks?
A. Of course - but MAKE CERTAIN that the original NFO file is included.
It's considered polite to NOT RENAME cracks or ALTER the CONTENTS. DO NOT
POST the "bare" crack. DO NOT CROSS-POST binaries. Many servers cancel
binaries posted to alt.cracks - cancels affect all groups.
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Q. I think a crack has a virus! What do I do?
A. Scan it with at least 3 up to date virus checkers. If 2 or more
agree, then delete it. Post an announcement with the subject line:
Possible VIRUS >> [filename] posted by [poster name] on [date]
Explain which scanners you used, and which virus was found.
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Q. How does software know that it was already installed?
A. We commonly call the markers "turds". You need to use PC Magazine's
free In Control utility (see URL in section 0) to track the install. Many
times the markers are left when you uninstall, those are the turds that
are detected the next time you install. Run the app ONCE before finishing
InControl, many apps plant the turd on the first time you run it.
Get Regmon and Filemon to "post-mortem" turd busting at
http://www.sysinternals.com/
Even better - use both ConfigSafe and a drive imaging tools such as Ghost
to make periodic safe copies of your critical system files, especially
prior to installing new shareware. ConfigSafe and Ghost can be found in
warez groups.
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Q. How do I piss off the crackers?
A. Use words like "CHALLENGE", "DON'T WORK", or show impatience in you
posts. ALL CAPS really annoys people too.
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Q. But the crack really DOESN'T WORK, how do I get ONE THAT DOES WORK?
A. Occasionally a cracker misses something. More often, a new version is
released. In either case, MAKE A NEW REQUEST USING THE FORM ABOVE. Any
other response is probably going to piss the original cracker off, and
she's the person best qualified to fix or update the crack. EXPLAIN IN
DETAIL in the comments section which cracks you tried, and what limits
still remain after using the crack. (Most crackers do not touch apps that
other crackers have worked on, so you're stuck with the original cracker
in most cases).
Some authors monitor alt.binaries.cracks and change their app to defeat
the crack. DO NOT GET IN A FRENZY! Those updates rarely add new
features, just stick with the older version.
Use http://www.filesearch.ru/ to look for an older version.
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Q. My cracked version of SuperNeato connected to the author's website,
and the web page says I'm BUSTED - what do I do?
A. Most of the time the author is just trying to scare you. Sometimes
the app will trash your system. BE CAREFUL using cracks on NEWER versions
of the app, always maintain a backup of your system, and uninstall the app
that gave you the message.
Be sure to make a post to LeoGetz's attention for the Booby-Trapped
Shareware List.
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Q. What words should I avoid?
A. "ME TOO", URGENT, DESPERATE, TIA, "add me to your list", and anything
that indicates impatience or anger. Be nice to the crackers and they will
be nice to you. YOUR "VOTES" are meaningless. We don't care.
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Q: What's the gibberish?
A: http://www.rahul.net/falk/glossary.html#sporgery
This document is designed to be revised frequently.
Changes should be posted "ATTN: CrackFAQ" in alt.binaries.cracks
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Many thanks to all who have contributed in some way to alt.binaries.cracks
Special thanks to +ORC & Fravia+
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The CrackFAQ, (C) 2001 subscribers to alt.binaries.cracks, All Rights Reversed
CrackFAQ
THE CrackFAQ SCAM - DON'T GET LED AROUND LIKE A DOG BY AN FAQ NAZI... CLICK
HERE RIGHT NOW! ...........................................................
___________________________________________________________________________
Has someone approached YOU with a 'Read The CrackFAQ'? JUST SAY NO!
akula = srepsis = tiburón = K00K
AK00Kla is The Park Ranger we didn't elect. He tells everyone what to do
but he hasn't posted ONE working crack in his fucking life!
CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT +aK00Kla, THE SNITCH FOR THE FEDS
http://groups.google.com/groups?q=1&ic=1&selm=05152...@UFF.edu
http://groups.google.com/groups?q=akula+snitch
DON'T BE TRICKED!
___________________________________________________________________________
CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT TONY 'CLUELESS LUKE' SOPRANO,
THE DEPRESSED PILL POPPER
http://groups.google.com/groups?q=20&ic=1&selm=39067ce9.38720350@news
DON'T BE TRICKED!
___________________________________________________________________________
STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS!! DO THINGS THE WAY _YOU_ WANT, NOT THE WAY
IMAGINARY LEADERS ORDER YOU AND TELL YOU TO.
THERE ARE _NO_ RULES, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.
IT'S YOUR NEWSGROUP TOO, YOU HAVE JUST AS MUCH RIGHT HERE AS THEY DO.
READ THIS TO SEE WHY YOU'RE BEING TRICKED BY SNITCHES ORDERING YOU AROUND
DON'T BE TRICKED!
"The FAQ on FAQ Thumpers"
Author: MACV
Date: 8/31/95
In my years of computing experience which began back in the
days of the Coleco Adam, I've had the pleasure of meeting many
helpful folks who shared my love for these wonderful machines that
have changed our lives so much. I've had the privilege of running my
own BBS for many years and then I made the transition to being in on
the ground floor of one of the first ISP's in my area. During my
years of experience online I've always found that a certain
personality type kept turning up regardless of what online venue I
was using. As a BBS sysop, there were always a few people who wanted
to "help" me run my board. Once the internet became a household
word, I started noticing the same types of "helpful" people popping
up in just about every newsgroup I'd examine. Unlike those who
irritated me on my BBS though, since these folks had no sysop to tell
them their "help" was unwanted, they became emboldened and completely
abandoned the facade of trying to be "helpful." Thus, emerged the
FAQ Thumper.
Thus, also, came the need for this FAQ.
This FAQ will most likely contain a lot of omissions, so I
hope that its readers will feel free to add to it as time goes on.
Unlike the FAQ's that the FAQ thumpers regard as their Holy Grail,
feel free to fold, spindle and mutilate this document as you see fit.
NOTE: This FAQ applies solely to unmoderated newsgroups.
Q. Where did the term "FAQ thumper" come from?
A. When I first encountered these strange people who could
quote their newsgroup's FAQ verbatim and did so at every chance that
presented itself, I was instantly reminded of the born-again
Christian types I've known throughout my time. Like "bible thumpers"
who can recite an appropriate verse from Scripture for almost any
topic of conversation that they are presented, FAQ thumpers exhibit
the same skill and fervent zealotry as their Christian zombie-like
brethren in embracing and quoting their hallowed FAQ's.
Q. Who appointed/elected the FAQ thumpers?
A. Nobody! It's a job they took on by themselves. These
wanna-be dictators of cyberspace don't even enjoy popular support in
most newsgroups they infest.
Q. Why do they take on their self-appointed roles?
A. Mainly to enjoy the illusion of power. There are other
reasons (covered later), but the desire for some measure of authority
is the essence of their motivation. Chances are excellent that this
tiny minority of aspiring cybercops have little in the way of power
in their real lives so they desperately attempt to fill that void on
the net.
Q. Do they have any real authority? In other words, do they
present any threat to me?
A. None whatsoever. Despite their threats about complaining
to ISP's, they realize that no ISP is going to dump a paying customer
on the basis of some self-righteous twit lodging a complaint about
your violation of an FAQ. It would be a different situation if you
were posting porn someplace where it doesn't belong or spamming a
newsgroup with commercial ads, but any reputable ISP would promptly
dump any complaint about anything as utterly trivial as posting
requests or questions anywhere. Furthermore, any complaints about
newsgroups of "questionable" repute are almost universally dumped by
ISP's regardless of what sort of so-called abuse is taking place
within them. "Questionable" newsgroups are those which are magnets
for people engaged in the distribution of either pornography or
copyrighted materials such as "warez," or media products which have
been digitally copied (mp3, mpeg, wav, jpg etc.). Complaints from
such newsgroups are viewed by ISP's as the proverbial "pot calling
the kettle black" types of indictments and are generally sneered
at... if they receive any attention at all.
Q. Why do they use such threats if they can't really get
action from most ISP's?
A. Simple. Such threats are very effective when leveled at
novice internet users. The FAQ thumpers are essentially cyber
versions of schoolyard bullies without the muscle to back them up.
Since a newcomer to the newsgroups has no idea of how things work
until they've been around for awhile, if someone pounces on them and
makes ominous-sounding threats, until they learn they really have
little to fear they acquiesce to the bully's demand... at first. A
good analogy is to watch the way someone who has never been stung by
a bee or wasp reacts when one flies around them as opposed to how
someone who has been stung reacts.
Q. Are there any types of complaints other than spamming or
posting pornography inappropriately that are taken seriously by
ISP's?
A. Yes, but the effectiveness of the complaint is nearly
always dependent upon the content of the newsgroup it concerns. In
other words, if you post messages containing profanity in a newsgroup
which contains "adults only" content such as those newsgroups dealing
with pornographic images or texts dealing with sex acts, your
complaint will be given no attention whatsoever. On the other hand,
if you post that same kind of profanity in a newsgroup dealing with
intellectual, family-oriented or religious subjects, a complaint
against you has a much better chance of getting you warned or
summarily dumped by most ISP's. Usually you'll receive a warning
e-mail before any decent ISP dumps your account, though. Any ISP who
terminates your account without first giving you a chance to present
your side of the story isn't one you want to pay your hard-earned
money for, so if you do get summarily dumped consider it a favor from
the dunces who run such an ISP.
Q. I've seen claims on the part of FAQ thumpers that their
activities act as a bulwark against the newsgroup being overrun by
spam. Is that true?
A. No, not at all. Spammers generally aim their efforts at
newsgroups based on how germane to what they are peddling the content
of the newsgroup is. A small amount of spam is therefore the norm in
just about every newsgroup on Usenet. The only time spam "overruns"
any newsgroup is if it proves lucrative for the spammers to advertise
their products and services in it. For instance, you see little if
any spam in those newsgroups that deal with "warez" and other
copyrighted materials because the last thing a software maker or
media artist wants to do is attract attention to their products in
areas where their product might wind up being freely distributed
without generating any revenue.
Q. Do FAQ thumpers have any positive effects whatsoever in
the newsgroups they try to control?
A. On the contrary, they normally do far more harm than they
do good. Even the most casual examination of newsgroups where FAQ
thumpers are most active will sadly reveal a much higher number of
unproductive and genuinely "off-topic" text posts taking up bandwidth
and making life miserable for those seeking the kind of help or files
the newsgroup is presumably designed to provide. FAQ thumpers behave
like packs of wolves waiting to pounce upon the weakest members of
the herd. Once one of them does so, the rest pile on the targeted
prey so that a single alleged infraction of their revered FAQ
generates dozens of "Read the #!%*&!!$*&!! FAQ, you #%$^!!*%*{?!
newbie!"-type posts. Inevitably, people who don't take kindly to
cyber-fascism chime in to defend the poor novice the FAQ thumpers are
gangbanging so that the initial flurry of admonishments winds up
generating an exponentially growing number of counter responses.
Egotists that they are, FAQ thumpers never let anyone get in the last
word besides themselves, so they invariably respond with rebuttals to
anyone who comes to their victim's defense. Compounding the problem
further is the fact that many FAQ thumpers are very prodigious in
their zeal to police their little domains. It's not at all unusual
for a single FAQ thumper to post over 50 messages a day.
Q. Do FAQ thumpers also contribute "on-topic" posts to the
newsgroups they patrol?
A. One would think that those who profess to be so dedicated
to the well-being of a newsgroup would also be amongst the most
prolific contributors of assistance and files, but alas, this is
universally not the case. In fact, FAQ thumpers are generally little
better than so-called "lurkers" when it comes to actually
contributing content to their newsgroups. Hypocrisy is an integral
part of the psyche of most FAQ thumpers. Their real interest in most
newsgroups is to flex their imaginary muscles by sniping at others.
Q. Being an FAQ thumper seems to be a huge expenditure of
wasted time and energy... there's just got to be more to their
motivation than the illusion of power. What else drives these
creatures?
A. There are a lot of frustrated, lonely and secluded people
in our society. Many of the most active FAQ thumpers are likely to
be unemployed people living off of personal assets and/or government
assistance. It is entirely plausible that many are shut-ins who are
permanently disabled. This may seem like a cheap shot, but two
things are obvious about FAQ thumpers: they all seem to have far more
time to spend at their computer keyboards than most of us do, and
they all carry around chips on their shoulders. Some disabled people
remain very bitter about the cards fate has dealt them and are in an
ideal position to devote large amounts of time to cyberspace. What
better way to feel connected while in seclusion than to participate
in the online community, and what better way to experience the
illusion of being empowered when one is feeling otherwise helpless?
Those FAQ thumpers who are not shut-ins are almost necessarily
loners with little in the way of a normal social life. Think about
it... what time could such people possibly devote to socializing
after working an 8-hour day and then spending so much time ferreting
out as many FAQ transgressors as they do on a daily basis?
In any case, FAQ thumpers are universally people with severe
emotional problems. You couldn't pay most of us to sit at a keyboard
for hours at a time every day with the sole task of composing
messages that almost always drip with sarcasm, condescension, anger
and self-importance. No mentally healthy person would ever dream of
taking on such an onerous chore of their own volition.
PARTING ADVICE. FAQ thumpers are irrepressible. Like death
and taxes, there's no escaping them. They have been with us
throughout our lives and will hound us to our graves. They were our
kid brothers and sisters who tattled to our parents about everything
we did in an effort to vent their frustration at being the weakest
members of the family. They were the teachers' pets in school who
were keepers of the erasers and appointed as class monitors (stool
pigeons) whenever the teacher had to leave the room. In high school
they were the hall monitors. In college, they began to find fewer
outlets where they could enjoy any sort of empowerment so they became
the withdrawn loners who went through four years or more of virtual
invisibility to most people on campus. As adults, they are the
neighbors who peer out from behind their curtains every time they
hear so much as a car door slam. They are the people who call the
cops at the most trivial or imagined violation of their peace or
property. They maintain mental dossiers on all of their neighbors
and are eager to share them with anyone who gives them an opportunity
to recite their gossip. As co-workers, they are the boss's
informers. They'll tell you how lazy a co-worker is and, as soon as
you are out of earshot, they will tell someone else how lazy they
think you are. If they outlive you, you can be absolutely certain
they will have no qualms whatsoever about verbally diminishing your
existence before your corpse has even grown cold.
Given all the aforementioned, the best thing to do with FAQ
thumpers is to simply kill filter them. You can be sure that by
doing so you won't miss any genuine content in whatever newsgroup
you're in.
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Has someone approached YOU with a CrackFAQ??
JUST SAY NO!!