Too weird, man! TOO WEIRD!
Sean Smith
OK, it's barely 10 a.m., and already this day is shot full o' strangeness.
To begin with, I open up the Boston Globe, and there's a large color photo of
two postal workers cavorting in "traditional" Mexican clothes to promote the
issuing of a new commemorative Cinco de Mayo stamp. I have to say that if this
was part of some subtle campaign to boost the public image of postal workers, it
did not entirely succeed: I had visions of the two of them donning black cowls
and announcing their solidarity with the Zapatistas.
Then, at the bus stop, I see the church across the way has a sign out announcing
that it will hold on Sunday a "Youth Clown Service."
Does this mean a service for kids conducted by clowns, or a rite-of-passage
ceremony of some kind for kids who have become clowns? Has there been recently
introduced a special liturgy for youth clowns? Instead of taking the host and
sacramental wine, do you get a pie in the face and a squirt of seltzer?
Now, I've found out there may be an important personnel-related matter which
could affect my division/office.
All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this day does
NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection, holding a jug of
toxic waste material and speaking in tongues.
Sean ("I tried that the other week and it was really boring") Smith
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu
Because some things
can't be helped--http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6504;
Featuring "Daze and Quirks"
~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~
"A virtuoso is a musician with real high moral values."
~
"I know what a sextet is, but I'd rather not say."
~
"When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would
anyone."
--students' test answers, compiled by
the Missouri School of Music newsletter.
alt.religion.kibology--all you'd ever want in a dysfunctional relationship, but
without the sex. Or the restraining orders.
Rhianna
Sean Smith wrote:
[snip]
> All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this day does
> NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection, holding a jug of
> toxic waste material and speaking in tongues.
[snip]
ObDune: Get out of my mind!!
ObHivemind: Get out of my mind!!
All I can say is, not only am I going to .sig this line... but I am
going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
<glare class="accusing"> </glare>
Rhianna
...having a whizbang humdinger hoo-wah of a day...
--
"All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this
day does NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection,
holding a jug of toxic waste material and speaking in tongues."
--Sean Smith (smt...@bcvms.bc.edu)
P.S. I just like saying "Martin Honnen" even though the m, a, r, t,
i, n, h, o, and e are pronounced silently.
Theresa Willis
Rhianna <rhi...@bee.net> wrote:
>Sean Smith wrote:
>
>[snip]
>
>All I can say is, not only am I going to .sig this line... but I am
>going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
>to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
>I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
>
I'm not sure I follow this. It was my understanding that guys peak
once at 17, and go downhill from there. Have I been misinformed?
As for doing it near your window... ewwwwwwwwww.
Rhianna
Theresa Willis wrote:
>
> Rhianna <rhi...@bee.net> wrote:
>
> >Sean Smith wrote:
> >
> >[snip]
> >
> >All I can say is, not only am I going to .sig this line... but I am
> >going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
> >to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
> >I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
> >
>
> I'm not sure I follow this. It was my understanding that guys peak
> once at 17, and go downhill from there. Have I been misinformed?
Leah Verre will now explain the "birds and the bees," kibologically.
> As for doing it near your window... ewwwwwwwwww.
I could have said, "stop coming around my house" and then something
about having to trim the weeds... with an "IYKWIM." for added measure.
But I didn't.
See.
Jaffo
In alt.religion.kibology, on Wed, 06 May 1998 19:02:55 GMT, Theresa
Willis said:
:I'm not sure I follow this. It was my understanding that guys peak
:once at 17, and go downhill from there. Have I been misinformed?
If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it,
did it peak?
Jaffo
--
"You're asking me if I still have pride, when I've been posting to this
group for over four years now?" -- Sean Smith
James Kibo Parry
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu (Sean Smith) wrote:
>
> OK, it's barely 10 a.m., and already this day is shot full o' strangeness.
ONCE I WOKE UP AT 10AM... THAT WAS REALLY WEIRD, MAN!!!!
Oh, bummer, my 'ludes fell into the dog again.
> To begin with, I open up the Boston Globe, and there's a large color photo
> of two postal workers cavorting in "traditional" Mexican clothes to promote
> the issuing of a new commemorative Cinco de Mayo stamp.
Meanwhile, in Mexico, two Mexican postal workers dressed up in
traditional American clothes: a guy in an "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt
and a backwards Caterpillar Tractor hat and acid-washed Jorache jeans,
and a gal with a beehive hairdo and lime green stretch pants.
An a Morris The Cat tote bag.
> I have to say that if this was part of some subtle campaign to boost the
> public image of postal workers, it did not entirely succeed: I had visions
> of the two of them donning black cowls and announcing their solidarity
> with the Zapatistas.
Zapatistas get to wear black cowls? Cool! I wanna be a Zapatista!
> Then, at the bus stop, I see the church across the way has a sign out
> announcing that it will hold on Sunday a "Youth Clown Service."
> Does this mean a service for kids conducted by clowns, or a rite-of-passage
> ceremony of some kind for kids who have become clowns? Has there been
> recently introduced a special liturgy for youth clowns? Instead of taking
> the host and sacramental wine, do you get a pie in the face and a squirt
> of seltzer?
Yes, friends, you get HIT in the FACE by the STICKY MERINGUE OF THE LORD,
the TRANS-sub-STAN-tee-yated FLESH of OUR SAVIOR, JESUS THE CLOWN.
Oh, some say JESUS was a BOZO. Erry day I hear Satanists come up to me
and say, REVREND, JESUS WAS A BIG BOZO! I say unto them JESUS was not
a BOZO, JESUS was THE GREATEST BOZO OF ALL! SATAN WISHES HE WERE BOB HOPE!
[switches to Ross Perot voice]
Now, see here, that's what I call syntactical ambuguity in that last
sentence, and that's just sad. That giant sucking sound you hear?
That's all the air comin' outta Jesus's balloons.
> Now, I've found out there may be an important personnel-related matter
> which could affect my division/office.
MEMO
To All:
We have decided to replace the personnel with robottel.
Made by Mattel.
All employees will be required to Rock 'Em Sock 'Em until their heads
go "SPROING!". I will be the sole human on the payroll, charged with
pushing the robots' heads back down until they click.
Your pal,
Ross Peron
> All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this day
> does NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection, holding
> a jug of toxic waste material and speaking in tongues.
>
> Sean ("I tried that the other week and it was really boring") Smith
I once handed out Kibology literature in Harvard Square while
wearing a clown wig. NOW who's the SANE one?
ME!!!
Because obviously anyone who DOESN'T wear a clown wig while
handing out Kibology is a TWIT. And it's gettin' real twitty in here.
-- K.
"I tot I taw a twitty bird!"
Leah Verre
On Wed, 06 May 1998 19:20:45 GMT, Rhianna <rhi...@bee.net> wrote:
>Theresa Willis wrote:
>>
>> Rhianna <rhi...@bee.net> wrote:
>>
>> >Sean Smith wrote:
>> >
>> >[snip]
>> >
>> >All I can say is, not only am I going to .sig this line... but I am
>> >going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
>> >to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
>> >I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
>> >
>>
>> I'm not sure I follow this. It was my understanding that guys peak
>> once at 17, and go downhill from there. Have I been misinformed?
>
>Leah Verre will now explain the "birds and the bees," kibologically.
Well, she could, but Lisa Pea did it OH SO MUCH BETTER already.
But I will say that sex has absolutely NOTHING to do with bees.
Bees are for the eating.
-L
stare master
In article <355b9d93....@news.sound.net>,
Theresa Willis <twi...@sound.net> wrote:
>I'm not sure I follow this. It was my understanding that guys peak
>once at 17, and go downhill from there. Have I been misinformed?
Shit, i sure as hell peaked more than once at 17!
And i'm "going downhill" right now, if you know what i mean.
rone
--
fuck, i'm so fucking full of angst i think i'll go read generation x so many
times i have it memorized and it just oozes out of my pores like so much of
the empty pseudophilosphy and religion i willingly embrace and espouse to my
peers and mentors. - Patrick J. Finerty <zi...@zifi.genetics.utah.edu>
Joseph Michael Bay
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu (Sean Smith) writes:
>To begin with, I open up the Boston Globe, and there's a large color photo of
>two postal workers cavorting in "traditional" Mexican clothes to promote the
>issuing of a new commemorative Cinco de Mayo stamp. I have to say that if this
>was part of some subtle campaign to boost the public image of postal workers, it
>did not entirely succeed: I had visions of the two of them donning black cowls
>and announcing their solidarity with the Zapatistas.
On the other hand, the news media have finally used the word
"disgruntled" to refer to someone who was NOT a postal worker.
I mean, this may have happened from time to time in the past,
but the wire services and the New York Times, TPoR, have described
the Swiss Guard who turned his commanding officer into Swiss Cheese
(hey, I'm probably only the 500th person to make that awful non
joke!) as, shall we say, not the most gruntled person. I think
maybe they're cooperating with the postal workers by shifting our
attention away from them.
>Then, at the bus stop, I see the church across the way has a sign out announcing
>that it will hold on Sunday a "Youth Clown Service."
>Does this mean a service for kids conducted by clowns, or a rite-of-passage
>ceremony of some kind for kids who have become clowns? Has there been recently
>introduced a special liturgy for youth clowns? Instead of taking the host and
>sacramental wine, do you get a pie in the face and a squirt of seltzer?
This is giving me awful flashbacks to my youth in Catholic schools
where once in a while someone would say "Hey, let's make religion FUN!"
which would usually combine with the more somber emphases of other
clergy and lay staff to be "Hey, let's make penance FUN! Hey, let's
make the Stations of the Cross FUN!" You haven't experienced discomfort
until you've had a guy dressed like a gay mime lead you in saying "To
thee do we cry, to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping
in this vale of tears, HONK HONK".
Remember, BOZO THE CLOWN DIED FOR YOUR SINS.
-J.
BOZO. HIS SHOE IS
AS BIG AS THIS SIGN.
--
Joe Bay Leland Stanford Junior University
Forensic Botany Laboratory, Stanford Department of Biology
You are in twisting passages of maize, all alike.
"In matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane" -Wilde
Joseph Michael Bay
le...@humongous.com (Leah Verre) writes:
>Bees are for the eating.
Counterexample: Trader Joe's All Natural Chunky Aloe Vera Drink.
See, bees are for drinking. Or in this case, for laying down
and avoiding.
Joseph Michael Bay
ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
>> OK, it's barely 10 a.m., and already this day is shot full o' strangeness.
>ONCE I WOKE UP AT 10AM... THAT WAS REALLY WEIRD, MAN!!!!
>Oh, bummer, my 'ludes fell into the dog again.
Raaaaarffff. Hey, I woke up at 2 PM today, which is like 5 PM your time!
FOR NO GOOD REASON! The waking up late thing, that is, not the
perfectly understandable difference in local time between the west coast
and the east coast.
>Yes, friends, you get HIT in the FACE by the STICKY MERINGUE OF THE LORD,
>the TRANS-sub-STAN-tee-yated FLESH of OUR SAVIOR, JESUS THE CLOWN.
>Oh, some say JESUS was a BOZO. Erry day I hear Satanists come up to me
>and say, REVREND, JESUS WAS A BIG BOZO! I say unto them JESUS was not
>a BOZO, JESUS was THE GREATEST BOZO OF ALL! SATAN WISHES HE WERE BOB HOPE!
JESUS is NO ORDINARY BOZO!
>I once handed out Kibology literature in Harvard Square while
>wearing a clown wig. NOW who's the SANE one?
>ME!!!
Well, I handed out Discordian literature to Jehova's Witnesses
while wearing suits (them, not me). Who's sane now?
HUSSEIN NOW!
VIVA HUSSEIN!
NO, THE OTHER ONE!
Joseph Michael Bay
ba...@netcom.com (B. Chas Parisher) writes:
>>See, bees are for drinking. Or in this case, for laying down
>>and avoiding.
>*blows whistle*
>Monty Python reference. Technical foul. Fifteen yard penalty. Still
>first down.
Oh, pshaw. BTW, accoring to my aunt's wine magazines, Australia
is putting out some really good wines these days. In addition to
the Shiraz Fighting Wine, that is.
And in England, there's a wine called "Fat Bastard". I need to get
some of this.
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu (Sean Smith) gurbled like so many unfortunate
tangerines on 6 May 1998 07:14:51 -0700:
>OK, it's barely 10 a.m., and already this day is shot full o' strangeness.
Like everyday should be. Move to Reno. It's much worse. Last year
we had a plane crash into the tennis courts of a local middle school.
No joke.
>Then, at the bus stop, I see the church across the way has a sign out announcing
>that it will hold on Sunday a "Youth Clown Service."
>Does this mean a service for kids conducted by clowns, or a rite-of-passage
>ceremony of some kind for kids who have become clowns? Has there been recently
>introduced a special liturgy for youth clowns? Instead of taking the host and
>sacramental wine, do you get a pie in the face and a squirt of seltzer?
This brings to mind the old "Midget Bullfighting" debacle encountered
not more than two years ago. Are they midget bulls, or midget bull
fighters, or just a really good name for a band? We may never
know....
>All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this day does
>NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection, holding a jug of
>toxic waste material and speaking in tongues.
And we'll do everything in our power to make sure it *does*...
Oh, quit yer bellyaching... You've been reading "Snow Crash" too
much...
>alt.religion.kibology--all you'd ever want in a dysfunctional relationship, but
>without the sex. Or the restraining orders.
Wait... there's no sex in a.r.k.? That's it... I'm outta here...
*step step step step step*
*SLAM!*
The less sense matter, and matter is more than sense...
...this is Chihu, signing off.
===
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
702.FIT.TOWN
ICQ # 7883370
cha...@mactyre.net
cha...@tmbg.org
chihuahuagillia...@think-site.org
Das Bistro: Where Every Morning Is Like A New Day
http://users.intercomm.com/teddt/db/
"Ask Me About My Geek Code!"
===
"K is for Kengis Khan:
*He* was a very *nice* person. History has no
record of him. There's a moral in there somewhere."
--Harlan Ellsion
===
Dear David,
Never was a man so badly meant to wear corrective
glasses.
From the Surrealist Compliment Generator
(http://pharmdec.wustl.edu/cgi-bin/jardin_scripts/SCG)
Martin Honnen
Rhianna wrote:
>
> Sean Smith wrote:
>
> [snip]
> > NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection, holding a jug of
> > toxic waste material and speaking in tongues.
>
> ObDune: Get out of my mind!!
> ObHivemind: Get out of my mind!!
>
> going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
Aaaarrrrkkk, if the DSS reads this I am going to loose my benefits.
> to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
> I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
>
> <glare class="accusing"> </glare>
>
> Rhianna
> ...having a whizbang humdinger hoo-wah of a day...
>
> --
> "All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this
> day does NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection,
> holding a jug of toxic waste material and speaking in tongues."
> --Sean Smith (smt...@bcvms.bc.edu)
>
> P.S. I just like saying "Martin Honnen" even though the m, a, r, t,
> i, n, h, o, and e are pronounced silently.
--
Martin Honnen
Standing tieless at a busy intersection in Honey Brook, directing my
parabolic mike at Rhianna's house.
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
twi...@sound.net (Theresa Willis) gurbled like so many unfortunate
tangerines on Wed, 06 May 1998 19:02:55 GMT:
>Rhianna <rhi...@bee.net> wrote:
>
>>Sean Smith wrote:
>>
>>[snip]
>>
>>All I can say is, not only am I going to .sig this line... but I am
>>going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
>>to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
>>I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
>>
>
>I'm not sure I follow this. It was my understanding that guys peak
>once at 17, and go downhill from there. Have I been misinformed?
And some of us not at all!
>As for doing it near your window... ewwwwwwwwww.
I agree...Hopefully they close the shade to shave so many pennies off
their power bill..
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity...
...this is Chihu, signing off.
===
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
702.FIT.TOWN
ICQ # 7883370
cha...@mactyre.net
cha...@tmbg.org
chihuahuagillia...@think-site.org
Das Bistro: Where Every Morning Is Like A New Day
http://users.intercomm.com/teddt/db/
"Ask Me About My Geek Code!"
===
"Ack!"
--Sam Phillips
===
You are a banana moon subverting the sun.
Martin Honnen
Martin Honnen wrote:
>
> Rhianna wrote:
> >
> > Sean Smith wrote:
> >
> > [snip]
> > > NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection, holding a jug of
> > > toxic waste material and speaking in tongues.
> > [snip]
> >
> > ObDune: Get out of my mind!!
> > ObHivemind: Get out of my mind!!
> >
> > going to glare accusingly at you because you are paying Martin Honnen
>
Ouch, I am such a luser. I am going to lose my English grades, too. Maybe I can
blame a loose 'O' key...
> > to spy on me again and I told you to stop peaking near my windows... &
> > I'm running out of windex... Damnit.
> >
> > <glare class="accusing"> </glare>
> >
> > Rhianna
> > ...having a whizbang humdinger hoo-wah of a day...
> >
> > --
> > "All I can say is, I will do everything within my power to ensure this
> > day does NOT end with me standing shirtless at a busy intersection,
> > holding a jug of toxic waste material and speaking in tongues."
> > --Sean Smith (smt...@bcvms.bc.edu)
> >
> > P.S. I just like saying "Martin Honnen" even though the m, a, r, t,
> > i, n, h, o, and e are pronounced silently.
>
> --
>
> Martin Honnen
>
> Standing tieless at a busy intersection in Honey Brook, directing my
> parabolic mike at Rhianna's house.
--
Martin "mentally mooing the flowers" Honnen
B. Chas Parisher
Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>le...@humongous.com (Leah Verre) writes:
>>Bees are for the eating.
>Counterexample: Trader Joe's All Natural Chunky Aloe Vera Drink.
>
>and avoiding.
*blows whistle*
Monty Python reference. Technical foul. Fifteen yard penalty. Still
first down.
--B. Chas "No Harlem stingers on this side a'town." Parisher
James Kibo Parry
jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote:
>
> le...@humongous.com (Leah Verre) writes:
> >
> > Bees are for the eating.
>
> Counterexample: Trader Joe's All Natural Chunky Aloe Vera Drink.
Okay. There are bumble bees and there are honey bees.
Honey bees make honey and honey makes money. Bumble bees are comically inept
and fall off ladders and drop cans of paint on each other's heads.
Now, if honey bees taste like honey, and bumble bees taste like bumble gum,
and bees are for the eatin', free for the takin', deep-fried in bacon,
floating down the Delaware, chewin' on their underwear, can't afford
another pair, why on earth do you suppose SOME people (whose initials are
M.I.K.E. J.I.T.T.L.O.V.) prefer the taste of Trader Joe's Lumpy Aloe Vera Drink?
It makes your throat sting just like skinny-dipping in a vat of liquid
bees after having your whole body turned inside out. And it tastes like
non-alcholic Zima with Orbitz lumps, only squishier and coated with
a mixture of methocel and real ectoplasm.
MIKE, INSTALL YOU DARN NEWSREADER PROGRAM ALREADY 'CAUSE I'M MAKING FUN
OF YOUR LOVE OF ARTIFICIAL ALL-NATURAL BEE-FLAVORED TRAITOR JOE'S
HOSPITAL FLOOR DISINFECTANT!
(Actually, last time I was in the hospital, they were using a licorice-
scented disinfectant. Ewww. So I was careful to sneeze on all the floors
to cancel out the disinfectant.)
Trader Joe's Stringy Aloe Vera Drink must be stopped... before it's too late.
Or too chunky. Here's what I suggest doing to spread the panic:
1.) Get a barrel of Trader Joe's Bumpy, Malfalda-Noodle-Filled Aloe Vera Drink.
2.) Fill a balloon with the Trader Joe's Squamous Aloe Vera Drink.
3.) Fill another (larger) balloon with helium.
4.) Tie them together so that the helium balloon is holding up the
chunky, infection balloon.
5.) Tie a card to the middle of the string between then, reading,
"TO WHOEVER FINDS THIS IN WHATEVER COUNTRY, PLEASE DO NOT DRINK THIS."
6.) Release it into the wild, secure in the knowledge that eventually
it will help people learn to not drink Trader Joe's Gloppy Aloe Drink.
Also, you can have fun a second way while doing that: as the balloon
starts floating away, run over to a nice policeman, yank on his pants leg,
and cry, "I DROPPED MY ICE CREAM CONE ON MY BALLOON AND MY BALLOON FLOATED
AWAY WITH MY ICE CREAM CONE ON TOP AND MY PET TURTLE INSIDE MAKE IT COME
BACK DOWN WAAAAAAH!!!" Then ask the policeman which of the Teletubbies
he is while sucking your thumb, which you have secretly coated with
cayenne pepper to keep you from sucking it, then cry some more. He'll
probably take you back to the police station and give you candy!
And remember... POLICEMEN NEVER DRINK TRADER JOE'S SPONGIFORM ALOE VERA DRINK!
-- K.
P.S. On New Year's Day 1999
they stop making Kodak 126 film
forever! Yay! This offsets
the horror of Year 2000 quite
nicely, thank you.
I would pay $500 if Bob Hope would
die on January 1, 2000 just so that
he won't get any TV news attention
due to the live pictures of AOL
chat screens of people saying
"My DOS sorts the files by date
in a slightly different order now!"
Dean Lenort
jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote:
>This is giving me awful flashbacks to my youth in Catholic schools
>where once in a while someone would say "Hey, let's make religion FUN!"
>which would usually combine with the more somber emphases of other
>clergy and lay staff to be "Hey, let's make penance FUN! Hey, let's
>make the Stations of the Cross FUN!" You haven't experienced discomfort
>until you've had a guy dressed like a gay mime lead you in saying "To
>thee do we cry, to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping
>in this vale of tears, HONK HONK".
You haven't done "Stations of the Cross FUN!" until you've done "altar boy
that has to repeatedly kneel and stand at each station with a large candle
that's dripping hot wax onto his hand and he can't scream because it just
wouldn't be appropriate FUN!". Although the whole altar boy gig was a good
deal because you'd occasionally get out of school to 'work' a funeral and
boy would there be good eating afterwards! (Back at the church basement.
You people are sick!)
And in other news...
It was GA Hormel (the G was for George). Any references to JC Hormel are
pure fabrications.
Roger, put down the bourbon. I for one think you're hilarious. Of course
I might be the only one and that would be pretty sad, but I'm here for ya
big guy. So let that cold black lump of ice melt a smidgen, it'll be good
for ya.
I don't know what the rest of you read in ARK with your filters, and your
color levels, and your *KNOLP* (or Plonk^-1), but I've found that I need to
read EVERY FUKKEN ARTICLE POSTED TO THIS BBOARD. Of course I pass over the
Canadian baiting threads, what's the point?
Lastly, I discovered ARK (Hallelujah Brother!) through the efforts of
Michael Warner. His posts to ahbou and aboi showed me the power that was
this group. What group? The group with the power? What power? The power
of hoo doo? You do. It kind of breaks down there.
I go now.
--
Dean Lenort dean....@worldnet.att.net
European: 'American culture is all crap'
American: 'Why don't you come over here and say that and I'll KICK YOUR ASS'
- Tom Thornhill in alt.religion.kibology on cultural differences
Zen Bitz
B. Chas Parisher wrote:
>
> Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
> >le...@humongous.com (Leah Verre) writes:
> >>Bees are for the eating.
> >Counterexample: Trader Joe's All Natural Chunky Aloe Vera Drink.
> >
> >and avoiding.
>
> *blows whistle*
>
> Monty Python reference. Technical foul. Fifteen yard penalty. Still
> first down.
Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
I suppose the r*cky h*rr*r references are grounds for summary
execution.
If I was a pedant I'd point out that you mixed your 'merican
sports here. Basketball has tecnical fouls, but FOOTBALL
has downs and fifteen yard penalties.
THAT'S HOW I KNEW THIS POST WAS A FORGERY!
- Signed, The Great Brain
(not named after a day of the week/norse goddess eider)
--
*#*#* I must, yet I cannot. - Robot Monster *#*#*
This line intentionally left blank...
Remove BRAIN to email Remove BRAIN to email Remove BRAIN to
Ben Hitz -- Do not reply Directly -- Dept. of Biochemistry
*** http://tincan.bioc.columbia.edu/Home/ben.home/ ***
Zen Bitz
James Kibo Parry wrote:
Ladiiesss and Gentlemeene... Presennnnting BOB DYLAN!
> Now, if honey bees taste like honey, and bumble bees taste like bumble gum,
> and bees are for the eatin', free for the takin', deep-fried in bacon,
> floating down the Delaware, chewin' on their underwear, can't afford
> another pair, why on earth do you suppose SOME people (whose initials are
> M.I.K.E. J.I.T.T.L.O.V.) prefer the taste of Trader Joe's Lumpy Aloe Vera Drink?
"Thank you very much"
And now, our main act: "Alannis Morrisette"
> It makes your throat sting just like skinny-dipping in a vat of liquid
> bees after having your whole body turned inside out. And it tastes like
> non-alcholic Zima with Orbitz lumps, only squishier and coated with
> a mixture of methocel and real ectoplasm.
"Isn't it ironic"
> 2.) Fill a balloon with the Trader Joe's Squamous Aloe Vera Drink.
Oooh... Cool use of the word 'squamous'.
> "My DOS sorts the files by date
> in a slightly different order now!"
Now THAT belongs in a sig. "Help! It's 1/1/00 and my DOS sorts the..."
Thomas R Scudder
Zen Bitz (hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu) asieoniezi:
: B. Chas Parisher wrote:
: > *blows whistle*
: >
: > Monty Python reference. Technical foul. Fifteen yard penalty. Still
: > first down.
: Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
: I suppose the r*cky h*rr*r references are grounds for summary
: execution.
So far as I know, Ricky Harrar (the famous Lebanese comedian) references
are fair game.
: If I was a pedant I'd point out that you mixed your 'merican
: sports here. Basketball has tecnical fouls, but FOOTBALL
: has downs and fifteen yard penalties.
IHNJH, IJLS "You mixed your merkin sports".
--
Tom Scudder aka tom...@umich.edu <*> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~tomscud
Squeezing flinthead trout "I contradict myself? Very well,
in their massive jaws, sparks fly: I contra- hey, wait. No I don't!"
Bears discover fire.
B. Chas Parisher
Zen Bitz <hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu> wrote:
>B. Chas Parisher wrote:
>> *blows whistle*
>> Monty Python reference. Technical foul. Fifteen yard penalty. Still
>> first down.
>Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
>I suppose the r*cky h*rr*r references are grounds for summary
>execution.
No. But you are fscked over a barrel for it.
>If I was a pedant I'd point out that you mixed your 'merican
>sports here. Basketball has tecnical fouls, but FOOTBALL
>has downs and fifteen yard penalties.
>
>THAT'S HOW I KNEW THIS POST WAS A FORGERY!
Hell, I was trying to work an icing reference in there so that our friends
from the great white north would get the joke. Unfortunately, I'm not as
adept with references to curling, so I left it out.
--B. Chas "forging my own posts on a daily basis" Parisher
Gharlane of Eddore
In <3551BA...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu>
Zen Bitz <hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu> writes:
>
> James Kibo Parry wrote:
>
> Ladiiesss and Gentlemeene... Presennnnting BOB DYLAN!
>
> > gum, and bees are for the eatin', free for the takin', deep-fried in
> > bacon, floating down the Delaware, chewin' on their underwear, can't
> > afford another pair, why on earth do you suppose SOME people (whose
> > initials are M.I.K.E. J.I.T.T.L.O.V.) prefer the taste of Trader Joe's
> > Lumpy Aloe Vera Drink?
They don't. Jittlov drinks "Irn Bru." He also bathes in it, uses
it as an irrigant for his L.A. Smog-blocked Eustachian Canals, and has
been known to employ it, in diluted form, as a sprayable fertilizer for
his mom's flowers. ( Be it noted, one cross-bred posy from Ma Jittlov's
garden, a recombinant DNA hybrid of the Creeping Vine and the Snapdragon,
is a three-bloomed carnivorous flower with a fondness for insects and fingers.
It is famous for leaving its flower bed, walking around, and nipping at
small dogs. The breed's registered name is "Jittlov Jaws," and
they've recently been formally recognized with a Latin species name,
"cerebus beiturassus," although some still insist on referring to it
as the "Biting Begonia." We regard the very existence of this
Perilous Posy as one of the results of Mike's addiction to "Irn Bru." )
We have reason to believe that Mike, while under the effect of an
"Irn Bru" overdose, also invented the "Spice Girls."
>
> "Thank you very much"
>
> And now, our main act: "Alannis Morrisette"
>
> > It makes your throat sting just like skinny-dipping in a vat of
> > liquid bees after having your whole body turned inside out.
For those who are allergic to bee venom, and wish to avoid visiting
the Emergency Room in a state of aggravated anaphylactic shock,
bear in mind that you can achieve the same effect by trying to
sit through the movie version of "LOST IN SPACE."
> > And it tastes like non-alcholic Zima with Orbitz lumps, only
> > squishier and coated with a mixture of methocel and real ectoplasm.
No Living Human has any idea what non-alcoholic Zima would taste
like; the few who have essayed such peril have expired instantly,
before being able to discuss their last impressions.
>
> "Isn't it ironic"
No, "IRN BRU" is the stuff with iron in it. All "Zima" has in it
is horse output from a diabetic horse, a bit of ethanol, and
carbonation.
>
> > 2.) Fill a balloon with the Trader Joe's Squamous Aloe Vera Drink.
>
> Oooh... Cool use of the word 'squamous'.
>
> > "My DOS sorts the files by date
> > in a slightly different order now!"
>
> Now THAT belongs in a sig. "Help! It's 1/1/00 and my DOS sorts the..."
>
You should be so lucky. Trust me on this, the "year 2000 problem"
will never actually materialize.... the Reticulans are arranging for
our civilization to end *before* we have to re-program all the computers.
My neighbor's dog said so, and he knows all about that stuff.
Leah Verre
>
>Lastly, I discovered ARK (Hallelujah Brother!) through the efforts of
>Michael Warner. His posts to ahbou and aboi showed me the power that was
>this group. What group? The group with the power? What power? The power
>of hoo doo? You do. It kind of breaks down there.
>
>I go now.
WHERE THE HELL IS THAT SON OF BEECH??????
Joseph Michael Bay
tom...@umich.edu (Thomas R Scudder) writes:
>: I suppose the r*cky h*rr*r references are grounds for summary
>: execution.
>So far as I know, Ricky Harrar (the famous Lebanese comedian) references
>are fair game.
I don't know, man. ABC decided to cancel her show. <-- S t r e t c h !
Hey, anybody seen that trailer for some big summer movie featuring
Anne Heche and Harrison Ford? Apparently in one bit they're in some
water and she says "Some creature just swam into my pants" and then
the voiceover goes "IN THE MOST REMOTE PLACE KNOWN TO MAN . . ."
S i n c e r e l y ,
C a p i t a n W e i B r a u m
Joseph Michael Bay
dean....@worldnet.att.net (Dean Lenort) writes:
>You haven't done "Stations of the Cross FUN!" until you've done "altar boy
>that has to repeatedly kneel and stand at each station with a large candle
>that's dripping hot wax onto his hand and he can't scream because it just
>wouldn't be appropriate FUN!".
If you're carrying a large candle, cross, fasces, or any other large
object, you don't have to kneel, EVEN if you're in the S00PER S3KR1T
H0LY part of the church where they keep the backup Eucharist stuff.
Obviously the priests hated you because they didn't tell you that.
> Although the whole altar boy gig was a good
>deal because you'd occasionally get out of school to 'work' a funeral and
>boy would there be good eating afterwards! (Back at the church basement.
>You people are sick!)
Well, we wouldn't want to feast on the dead AT the CEMETARY; sheesh!
>And in other news...
>It was GA Hormel (the G was for George). Any references to JC Hormel are
>pure fabrications.
Jesus H. Christ
The "H" stands for "Hormel"!
>Roger, put down the bourbon. I for one think you're hilarious. Of course
>I might be the only one and that would be pretty sad, but I'm here for ya
>big guy. So let that cold black lump of ice melt a smidgen, it'll be good
>for ya.
And turn that frown upside down, sad clown!
Sincerely,
Wearie Willie (sic)
Roger Douglas
...
>Roger, put down the bourbon. I for one think you're hilarious.
Damn! Just when I was beginning to enjoy it.
Does anyone know a good excuse for drinking Bourbon, or know someone
who does?
--R.
Ted Frank
In article <6itdkl$o...@amy2.Stanford.EDU>,
>Anne Heche and Harrison Ford? Apparently in one bit they're in some
>water and she says "Some creature just swam into my pants" and then
>the voiceover goes "IN THE MOST REMOTE PLACE KNOWN TO MAN . . ."
If I'd known Drudge Report callbacks counted for humor in ark, I'd have
doubled my output a long time ago.
> You are in twisting passages of maize, all alike.
That's just corny. Get it? Corny? Maize?
What's yellow and corny?
--
http://www.radix.net/~moe
you don't win friends with salad
stare master
In article <6ith6s$a...@saltmine.radix.net>, Ted Frank <m...@Radix.Net> wrote:
>In article <6itdkl$o...@amy2.Stanford.EDU>,
>Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>>Hey, anybody seen that trailer for some big summer movie featuring
>>Anne Heche and Harrison Ford? Apparently in one bit they're in some
>>water and she says "Some creature just swam into my pants" and then
>>the voiceover goes "IN THE MOST REMOTE PLACE KNOWN TO MAN . . ."
Anne Heche's pubic hair?
rone
is this a trick question?
Joseph Michael Bay
Roger....@det.nsw.edu.au (Roger Douglas) writes:
>>Roger, put down the bourbon. I for one think you're hilarious.
>Damn! Just when I was beginning to enjoy it.
>Does anyone know a good excuse for drinking Bourbon, or know someone
>who does?
1: Because it's there.
--
Joe Bay Leland Stanford Junior University
Forensic Botany Laboratory, Stanford Department of Biology
You are in twisting passages of maize, all alike.
Leah Verre
In article <3551B9...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu>,
hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu says...
> Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
Parsed as "Hash referring stuff .."
The first step in dealing with a problem is admiting you HAVE a problem.
I'll let you know when I get there.
-L
David Marshburn
Roger Douglas (Roger....@det.nsw.edu.au) wrote:
: Damn! Just when I was beginning to enjoy it.
: Does anyone know a good excuse for drinking Bourbon, or know someone
: who does?
cold or flu. honey + bourbon + lemon.
--
--
David Marshburn -- mars...@mthcsc.wfu.edu
** Don't use spam blockers in your return address! **
** Class assignment in lameness --> www.wfu.edu/~marshdt3/ **
James Kibo Parry
> >
> > To begin with, I open up the Boston Globe, and there's a large color photo
>
> On the other hand, the news media have finally used the word
> "disgruntled" to refer to someone who was NOT a postal worker.
"The disgruntled Apple Computer company has hired a struggling postal worker..."
That would be a perfect five-fecta if only we could work in "au pair",
"el Neen-ee-o", and "a billion and a half dollars".
> I mean, this may have happened from time to time in the past,
> but the wire services and the New York Times, TPoR, have described
> the Swiss Guard who turned his commanding officer into Swiss Cheese
> (hey, I'm probably only the 500th person to make that awful non
> joke!) as, shall we say, not the most gruntled person. I think
> maybe they're cooperating with the postal workers by shifting our
> attention away from them.
Meanwhile, I hear that the Swiss Army has dressed their guards up
as Popes. "We're not only neutral, we're infallible! Kiss the ring and die!"
> > Then, at the bus stop, I see the church across the way has a sign out
> > announcing that it will hold on Sunday a "Youth Clown Service."
>
> This is giving me awful flashbacks to my youth in Catholic schools
> where once in a while someone would say "Hey, let's make religion FUN!"
Nope, not possible, there are no religions which are wacky fun.
NOW LET'S ALL GO BACK TO MAKING UP NONSENSE WORDS AND HAVING GIANT H FIGHTS
WHILE I COMPOSE A NEW STORY ABOUT LEGGY, THE STUPID SPIDER! FREE BALLOONS!
> which would usually combine with the more somber emphases of other
> clergy and lay staff to be "Hey, let's make penance FUN! Hey, let's
> make the Stations of the Cross FUN!" You haven't experienced discomfort
> until you've had a guy dressed like a gay mime lead you in saying "To
> thee do we cry, to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping
> in this vale of tears, HONK HONK".
>
> Remember, BOZO THE CLOWN DIED FOR YOUR SINS.
He died BECAUSE OF YOUR SINS. Because you stole that half a crayon in
Kindergarten, you made Baby Jesus cry, and then Mary spanked him!
> BOZO. HIS SHOE IS AS BIG AS THIS SIGN.
I have started having visions of the release of "Godzilla 1998":
The first shot will be a big card saying "GODZILLA. HE IS TEN THOUSAND
TIMES TOO LARGE FOR THIS SCREEN."
The second scene will be a card saying "THE END."
Then they'll roll stock footage of my masterpiece, "Bloated Dead Dog",
for two hours. And they'll end it by rolling the credits over a picture
of Bozo The Clown stuffing two hundred million dollars into his clown
shoes and setting them on fire.
THE FILLER GUILD OF AMERICA. STOP MAKING FUN OF ROGER CORMAN.
HE'S ONLY TWICE AS BAD AS ALL THE OTHER MOVIE PRODUCERS.
-- K.
KIBO. HIS POSTERS ARE AS BIG AS THIS ONE.
Joseph Michael Bay
flea...@seanet.com (Leah Verre) writes:
>In article <3551B9...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu>,
>hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu says...
>> Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
>Parsed as "Hash referring stuff .."
Parsed as "Hash reefering stuff"
--
Joe Bay Leland Stanford Junior University
Forensic Botany Laboratory, Stanford Department of Biology
Putting the "harm" in "Molecular Pharmacology" since 1998
"In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane."
Leah Verre
In article <kibo-08059...@ppp0a009.std.com>, ki...@world.std.com
(James "Kibo" Parry) says...
>
> Nope, not possible, there are no religions which are wacky fun.
> NOW LET'S ALL GO BACK TO MAKING UP NONSENSE WORDS AND HAVING GIANT H FIGHTS
> WHILE I COMPOSE A NEW STORY ABOUT LEGGY, THE STUPID SPIDER! FREE BALLOONS!
> >
> > Remember, BOZO THE CLOWN DIED FOR YOUR SINS.
>
> He died BECAUSE OF YOUR SINS. Because you stole that half a crayon in
> Kindergarten, you made Baby Jesus cry, and then Mary spanked him!
A True Story ... for the most part.
My husband Tom, and occaisional kibologist Dan "sleepbot" Foley used to
work on the University of Lowell (The Engineering University!) (Now U
Mass AT Lowell, which makes it almost sound impressive .. but not really)
newspaper, The Connector. Tom was the comics editor and Dan drew comics.
The Thursday before Easter, Tom decided to let Dan compile the comix
page. Dan was thrilled. "At last!" He screamed. "Power! Power to
spread my heathen beliefs to the rest of the WORLD! .. or at least to the
armpit of Massachoozits." He gleefully put all sorts of discordian
literature, clip art, and goofy shit all over the place. Right in the
middle of the page was a big ad which read:
"KING KONG DIED FOR YOUR SINS"
Lowell is a very Catholic community. They were not amused.
Two days later, all the Catholics in Lowell marched up to Fox Hall (the
19-story building, which was supposed to be 14 stories, and is now
drilling itself into the ground because it was built by U Lowell
engineers) with pitchforks and Frankenstein rakes and murdered Dan and my
husband.
THE END!
Or is it?!?!?!?!
Leah Verre
On 8 May 1998 04:35:31 -0700, jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph
Michael Bay) wrote:
>flea...@seanet.com (Leah Verre) writes:
>
>>In article <3551B9...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu>,
>>hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu says...
>
>>> Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
>
>>Parsed as "Hash referring stuff .."
>
>Parsed as "Hash reefering stuff"
Parsed as "Hooch marijuana bud green purple hairy skunk nugs".
Sleepbot ZZ09.4
flea...@seanet.com (Leah Verre) wrote:
>The Thursday before Easter, Tom decided to let Dan compile the comix
>page. Dan was thrilled. "At last!" He screamed. "Power! Power to
>spread my heathen beliefs to the rest of the WORLD! .. or at least to the
>armpit of Massachoozits." He gleefully put all sorts of discordian
>literature, clip art, and goofy shit all over the place. Right in the
>middle of the page was a big ad which read:
>"KING KONG DIED FOR YOUR SINS"
>Two days later, all the Catholics in Lowell marched up to Fox Hall (the
>engineers) with pitchforks and Frankenstein rakes and murdered Dan and my
>husband.
what sucks most is that neither Leah nor her dead husband (nor anyone
else for that matter, dead OR living) believes me what i say that i
had no idea it was the week of Easter.
this is what happens when you have a twisted sense of humor...
whenever you get in trouble for being funny, everyone assumes that you
did it all on purpose.
but, as we all know, it's the funniest things that happen by accident.
like walking into a huge ballroom full of ice sculptures and glamorous
debutantes and government officials while carrying a four-foot wide
banana-cream pie, then unknowingly stepping on a discarded champagne
glass which sends you reeling around and around until you (and the
pie) end up face-first in some high-society dame's cleavage. then you
shoot an elephant in your pajamas.
(Caution: Shake Well. Remove SPAM-FREE cap prior to Reply.)
................................................................................
. Dan Foley dfo...@sleepbot.com www.sleepbot.com ... Shall I? [ ]Yes [ ]Twice.
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
dfo...@SPAM-FREE-sleepbot.com (Sleepbot ZZ09.4) gurbled like so many
unfortunate tangerines on Fri, 08 May 1998 17:12:06 GMT:
>flea...@seanet.com (Leah Verre) wrote:
>
>>The Thursday before Easter, Tom decided to let Dan compile the comix
>>page. Dan was thrilled. "At last!" He screamed. "Power! Power to
>>spread my heathen beliefs to the rest of the WORLD! .. or at least to the
>>armpit of Massachoozits." He gleefully put all sorts of discordian
>>literature, clip art, and goofy shit all over the place. Right in the
>>middle of the page was a big ad which read:
>
>>"KING KONG DIED FOR YOUR SINS"
>
>>Two days later, all the Catholics in Lowell marched up to Fox Hall (the
>>engineers) with pitchforks and Frankenstein rakes and murdered Dan and my
>>husband.
>
>what sucks most is that neither Leah nor her dead husband (nor anyone
>else for that matter, dead OR living) believes me what i say that i
>had no idea it was the week of Easter.
Uhm... Oops?
I take it no one cared that the Joshua Norton and King Kong Cabals are
across the country from where you are and therefore can have no
relevance to their big mighty s00perkewl holiday and is therefore
humourous...
>but, as we all know, it's the funniest things that happen by accident.
>like walking into a huge ballroom full of ice sculptures and glamorous
>debutantes and government officials while carrying a four-foot wide
>banana-cream pie, then unknowingly stepping on a discarded champagne
>glass which sends you reeling around and around until you (and the
>pie) end up face-first in some high-society dame's cleavage.
I hate it when that happens.
>then you shoot an elephant in your pajamas.
I'd just like to take this out of context.
From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own...
...this is Chihu, signing off.
===
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
702.FIT.TOWN
ICQ # 7883370
cha...@mactyre.net
cha...@tmbg.org
chihuahuagillia...@think-site.org
Das Bistro: Where Every Morning Is Like A New Day
http://users.intercomm.com/teddt/db/
"Ask Me About My Geek Code!"
===
"They don't ask me questions
They don't want to scold me
They don't look for answers
They just want to hold me"
--Oingo Boingo, "Little Girls"
===
When faced with scathing winds and torrents pouring forth stain, your
mind thinks cleverly to the leprous angels found in all train
crashes.
Sean Smith
In article <MPG.fbcc1542...@news.seanet.com>, flea...@seanet.com
says...
>
>In article <kibo-08059...@ppp0a009.std.com>, ki...@world.std.com
>(James "Kibo" Parry) says...
>>
>> Nope, not possible, there are no religions which are wacky fun.
>> NOW LET'S ALL GO BACK TO MAKING UP NONSENSE WORDS AND HAVING GIANT H FIGHTS
>> WHILE I COMPOSE A NEW STORY ABOUT LEGGY, THE STUPID SPIDER! FREE BALLOONS!
>
GAME'S OVER!
>> >
>> > Remember, BOZO THE CLOWN DIED FOR YOUR SINS.
>>
>> He died BECAUSE OF YOUR SINS. Because you stole that half a crayon in
>> Kindergarten, you made Baby Jesus cry, and then Mary spanked him!
>
blood to make pictures! That's why I always paint my skies in shades of red.
>A True Story ... for the most part.
>
>My husband Tom, and occaisional kibologist Dan "sleepbot" Foley used to
>work on the University of Lowell (The Engineering University!) (Now U
>Mass AT Lowell, which makes it almost sound impressive .. but not really)
Well, UMass _IN_ Lowell sounds awkward, somehow, while UMass _OF_ Lowell would
make everyone forget there's a UMass at Amherst, Dartmouth, Worcester and the
Tanglewood Commissary. I would've just changed the name to "Bobby" or "Stu."
>newspaper, The Connector. Tom was the comics editor and Dan drew comics.
Her name was Lola. She took that morning train.
>The Thursday before Easter, Tom decided to let Dan compile the comix
>page. Dan was thrilled. "At last!" He screamed. "Power! Power to
>spread my heathen beliefs to the rest of the WORLD! .. or at least to the
>armpit of Massachoozits." He gleefully put all sorts of discordian
>literature, clip art, and goofy shit all over the place. Right in the
>middle of the page was a big ad which read:
>
>"KING KONG DIED FOR YOUR SINS"
>
>Lowell is a very Catholic community. They were not amused.
>
No, they're just big fans of Mighty Joe Young.
>Two days later, all the Catholics in Lowell marched up to Fox Hall (the
>19-story building, which was supposed to be 14 stories, and is now
>drilling itself into the ground because it was built by U Lowell
>engineers) with pitchforks and Frankenstein rakes and murdered Dan and my
>husband.
>
I nominate "Frankenstein rakes" for USENET "Phrase O' the Day."
>THE END!
>
>Or is it?!?!?!?!
>
No--it's the end.
So, there, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback! Mr. Wheelchair General!
Sean ("By the way, Leah, do you _still_ believe pigs live in trees?") Smith
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu
Because some things
can't be helped--http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6504;
Featuring "Daze and Quirks"
~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~
"A virtuoso is a musician with real high moral values."
~
"I know what a sextet is, but I'd rather not say."
~
"When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would
anyone."
--students' test answers, compiled by
the Missouri School of Music newsletter.
alt.religion.kibology--all you'd ever want in a dysfunctional relationship, but
without the sex. Or the restraining orders.
Leah Verre
On 8 May 1998 12:31:52 -0700, smt...@bcvms.bc.edu (Sean Smith) wrote:
>>
>No--it's the end.
>So, there, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback! Mr. Wheelchair General!
>
>Sean ("By the way, Leah, do you _still_ believe pigs live in trees?") Smith
>smt...@bcvms.bc.edu
"Not pigs, PIDGEONS! ... Like your English."
Martin Honnen
> > >
> > > To begin with, I open up the Boston Globe, and there's a large color photo
> > > of two postal workers cavorting in "traditional" Mexican clothes [...]
> >
> > On the other hand, the news media have finally used the word
> > "disgruntled" to refer to someone who was NOT a postal worker.
>
> "The disgruntled Apple Computer company has hired a struggling postal worker..."
> That would be a perfect five-fecta if only we could work in "au pair",
> "el Neen-ee-o", and "a billion and a half dollars".
>
> > I mean, this may have happened from time to time in the past,
> > but the wire services and the New York Times, TPoR, have described
> > the Swiss Guard who turned his commanding officer into Swiss Cheese
> > (hey, I'm probably only the 500th person to make that awful non
> > joke!) as, shall we say, not the most gruntled person. I think
> > maybe they're cooperating with the postal workers by shifting our
> > attention away from them.
>
> Meanwhile, I hear that the Swiss Army has dressed their guards up
> as Popes. "We're not only neutral, we're infallible! Kiss the ring and die!"
>
> > > Then, at the bus stop, I see the church across the way has a sign out
> > > announcing that it will hold on Sunday a "Youth Clown Service."
> >
> > This is giving me awful flashbacks to my youth in Catholic schools
> > where once in a while someone would say "Hey, let's make religion FUN!"
>
> NOW LET'S ALL GO BACK TO MAKING UP NONSENSE WORDS AND HAVING GIANT H FIGHTS
> WHILE I COMPOSE A NEW STORY ABOUT LEGGY, THE STUPID SPIDER! FREE BALLOONS!
NO, NO, NO, LET'S ALL GET MARRIED, MOVE TO CAROLINA GETTING A JOB WITHOUT
INTERNET ACCESS AND DOING T-SHIRTS ANYMORE.
>
> > which would usually combine with the more somber emphases of other
> > clergy and lay staff to be "Hey, let's make penance FUN! Hey, let's
> > make the Stations of the Cross FUN!" You haven't experienced discomfort
> > until you've had a guy dressed like a gay mime lead you in saying "To
> > thee do we cry, to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping
> > in this vale of tears, HONK HONK".
> >
> > Remember, BOZO THE CLOWN DIED FOR YOUR SINS.
>
> He died BECAUSE OF YOUR SINS. Because you stole that half a crayon in
> Kindergarten, you made Baby Jesus cry, and then Mary spanked him!
>
> > BOZO. HIS SHOE IS AS BIG AS THIS SIGN.
>
> I have started having visions of the release of "Godzilla 1998":
>
> The first shot will be a big card saying "GODZILLA. HE IS TEN THOUSAND
> TIMES TOO LARGE FOR THIS SCREEN."
>
> The second scene will be a card saying "THE END."
>
> Then they'll roll stock footage of my masterpiece, "Bloated Dead Dog",
> for two hours. And they'll end it by rolling the credits over a picture
> of Bozo The Clown stuffing two hundred million dollars into his clown
> shoes and setting them on fire.
>
> THE FILLER GUILD OF AMERICA. STOP MAKING FUN OF ROGER CORMAN.
> HE'S ONLY TWICE AS BAD AS ALL THE OTHER MOVIE PRODUCERS.
>
> -- K.
>
> KIBO. HIS POSTERS ARE AS BIG AS THIS ONE.
--
Martin Honnen
Leah Verre
>
>NO, NO, NO, LET'S ALL GET MARRIED, MOVE TO CAROLINA GETTING A JOB WITHOUT
>INTERNET ACCESS AND DOING T-SHIRTS ANYMORE.
Dear Mr. Homenym:
Please decide which end of the above statement you'd like to make a
sentence out of.
Thanks you.
James Kibo Parry
Dan Foley, dfo...@sleepbot.com (Sleepbot ZZ09.4) wrote:
>
> this is what happens when you have a twisted sense of humor...
> whenever you get in trouble for being funny, everyone assumes that you
> did it all on purpose.
All you have to do is to get a reputation for not being funny.
Then whenever you produce a FUNNY tv sitcom, everyone realizes
you're a GENIUS!
They should have a Nobel Prize For People Who Aren't Funny Who
Do Something Funny. You know, like if Michael Jackson fell down
the slide at McDonalds and broke his face.
> but, as we all know, it's the funniest things that happen by accident.
> like walking into a huge ballroom full of ice sculptures and glamorous
> debutantes and government officials while carrying a four-foot wide
> banana-cream pie, then unknowingly stepping on a discarded champagne
> glass which sends you reeling around and around until you (and the
> pie) end up face-first in some high-society dame's cleavage.
and you knock over a big roll of bubble wrap and there's a big pouch
of blue dishwashing liquid in the middle and you turn to the camera and say,
"WELL, I'LL BE... THE POISON'S IN THE PACKAGING!"
...and then the cream pie fight resumes as if nothing had happened.
> then you shoot an elephant in your pajamas.
I think it would be fun to actually manufacture elephant-shaped pajamas.
It's like a conceptual conceptual gag.
They could have little pictures of mustaches and glasses and cigars on them.
And when you open the fly, spring-loaded snakes would pop out.
> (Caution: Shake Well. Remove SPAM-FREE cap prior to Reply.)
Point away from other people, ESPECIALLY WHEN OPENING. Cap may fly off
causing eye or OTHER SERIOUS INJURY. Dish may be hot. Edges may be sharp.
All kernels may not pop. Especially if you've been bad.
-- K.
Enlarged to show texture.
Nate Zelnick
On Fri, 08 May 1998 21:39:03 GMT, le...@humongous.com (Leah Verre)
wrote:
Who wonna secon' world war, you so smart...?
Jeremy W. Burgeson
le...@humongous.com (Leah Verre) wrote:
>On 8 May 1998 12:31:52 -0700, smt...@bcvms.bc.edu (Sean Smith) wrote:
>>Sean ("By the way, Leah, do you _still_ believe pigs live in trees?") Smith
>"Not pigs, PIDGEONS! ... Like your English."
Last night on the Discovery Channel there was a show called "When Pigs Ruled
The Earth."
Jeremy
Michael Straight
On 7 May 1998, Ted Frank wrote:
> What's yellow and corny?
Corny the Clown?
SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT
Brian JARAI Chase
In article <6itddi$o...@amy2.Stanford.EDU>,
Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>And turn that frown upside down, sad clown!
>
>Sincerely,
>
>Wearie Willie (sic)
Joe Bay has been reading Betty Higgins' home page again.
Joe Bay is the Johnny Domino of alt.religion.kibology.
-jarai.
--
---
Brian "JARAI" Chase | http://world.std.com/~bdc/ | VAXZilla LIVES!!!
Martin Honnen
Leah Verre wrote:
>
> On Fri, 08 May 1998 23:28:49 +0100, Martin Honnen
> <Martin...@sector27.de> wrote:
>
> >
> >NO, NO, NO, LET'S ALL GET MARRIED, MOVE TO CAROLINA GETTING A JOB WITHOUT
> >INTERNET ACCESS AND DOING T-SHIRTS ANYMORE.
>
> Dear Mr. Homenym:
|
|
That one.
> Please decide which end of the above statement you'd like to make a
> sentence out of.
>
> Thanks you.
--
Martin Honnen
Deer LeVere, I pigged up my enGlish in enGlish for foraigners
classes at the univercity of washingtan in seecattle. Pleeze upgrade
yore nuronal parser with its specal foraigner enGlish plugin to inabel
you to folly comprihand komplex santences.
Beppo the SubbieBoy
In article <3550f9e6...@n7.supernews.com>, Chihuahua Gilliam
Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub beabled...
A psuedonym as long as an LSB message-id.
> Wait... there's no sex in a.r.k.? That's it... I'm outta here...
^^^^^^
Stop trollering me.
> *step step step step step*
>
> *SLAM!*
And take your gonzo sig with ya!
--
Beppo. Teg put you up to this didn't he?
Carlos Froggy May
Leah Verre (flea...@seanet.com) wrote:
: hi...@BRAINburrito.bioc.columbia.edu says...
: > Harsh refereeing staff we gots on ark.
: Parsed as "Hash referring stuff .."
^^^^^^
YM "doidyskimmed" HTH!
-- F.
* Fro...@neosoft.com ** "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs] *
* Headquarters: alt.fan.tito ** "Tounge Of Frog" *
http://www.angelfire.com/la/carlosmay/
Joseph Michael Bay
b...@world.std.com (Brian "JARAI" Chase) writes:
>In article <6itddi$o...@amy2.Stanford.EDU>,
>Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>>And turn that frown upside down, sad clown!
>>
>>Sincerely,
>>
>>Wearie Willie (sic)
>Joe Bay has been reading Betty Higgins' home page again.
>Joe Bay is the Johnny Domino of alt.religion.kibology.
Heh. I SAW that calendar at her house. And she drew me some clowns!
And I drew angry chimps!
Bill Newcomb
In article <6j87j6$r...@amy5.Stanford.EDU>,
Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>b...@world.std.com (Brian "JARAI" Chase) writes:
>
>>In article <6itddi$o...@amy2.Stanford.EDU>,
>>Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>
>>>And turn that frown upside down, sad clown!
>>>
>>>Sincerely,
>>>
>>>Wearie Willie (sic)
>
>>Joe Bay has been reading Betty Higgins' home page again.
>>Joe Bay is the Johnny Domino of alt.religion.kibology.
>
>Heh. I SAW that calendar at her house. And she drew me some clowns!
>
>And I drew angry chimps!
Try using unscented soap.
--
nu...@best.com | "It takes a nail in the head/to make him understand" -T
M. Otis Beard
Roger Douglas wrote:
>
> Does anyone know a good excuse for drinking Bourbon, or know someone
> who does?
There aren't any, unless you're punishing yourself.
If you simply *MUST* drink bourbon, though, may I recommend Booker
Noe's (booger nose)? For bourbon, it isn't bad.
Personally, bourbon makes me want to punch somebody.
-M. Otis Beard
Roger Douglas
So "M. Otis Beard" <ot...@teleport.com> turns round and goes:
This need not be a bad thing, provided that either:
(a) you learn to channel your aggression into creative and productive
activities
or
(b) you punch someone who really needs punching
--R.