Episode capsule 3ACV13 - Bendin' In The Wind
Ostap Bender
Directed by Ron Hughart
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Production code: 3ACV14 Original Airdate on FOX: 4/22/2001
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TV Guide synopsis:
Beck (as himself) invites an injured Bender to go on tour with him,
while the gang follows in an old VW bus salvaged by Fry.
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> Title sequence
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Opening theme promotion:
FEDERAL LAW PROHIBITS CHANGING THE CHANNEL
Opening theme cartoon:
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> Did You Notice...
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Titles on the map:
New New York
Sylvania
Penn Republic
Washington A.C.
West Virginia
East West Virginia
eHIO
'Ucky
XORegon
Muontana
User ID: aho
Wy(omega)ing
24-Bit Colorado
Nukevada (with skull and bones next to it)
HighCal
LoCal
At BEND-AID
The poster "GIVE PIECES A CHANCE" and "BROKEN ROBOTS NEED A HAND, NOT A
HANDOUT" with a human hand passing a ripped off robot hand to a robot.
Becktionary cover
WEBSTER's
NEW ABRIDGED
BECTIONARY
FROM BZOOTY
to
WHISKEYLONE
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> Voice Credits
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- Starring
- Billy West (Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Prof. Farnsworth)
- Katey Sagal (Leela)
- John DiMaggio (Bender)
- Tress MacNeille
Guest Starring
- Phil Lamarr (Hermes Conrad)
- David Herman
- Lauren Tom (Amy Wong)
- Special Appearance by
- Beck (himself)
- Also Starring
- Maurice LaMarche
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> Movie (and other) references
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> Previous episode references
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- Bender's dream to be a folk singer
- [1ACV02]
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> Freeze frame fun
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> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
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> Reviews
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> Comments and other observations
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> Quotes and Scene Summary {}
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% View of NNYC. Fry and Bender are walking down the street.
Bender: [Singinh] Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride uh-huh, u-huh.
Well, Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride... blah-blah-blah...
something, Bender is great. Froggie went a courtin' and Bender is
great, uh-huh, uh-huh.
% They reach a construction site with a sign
%
% NNYC
% HOLE
% PROJECT
%
% A hover excavator is taking out dirt out of an already pretty big hole. A
% bag of "NEW! FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS" falls out of one of the hauls.
Fry: Oh, my God! [Picks up the bag] They dug up a bag of elastro chips
from my time.
% Bender eats one chip. Rumbling is heard inside him, he groans, and several
% bricks fall out of the area of his shiny metal ass.
Fry: There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.
% Another haul brings a VW van. Fry gasps.
Bender: What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about?
Fry: No, it's old VolksWagen van. [Wipes the dirt from the window,
revealing two skeletons in hippie outfits inside] Hey, mister! Mind
if I take this old van?
Excavator
Operator: Sure. You wanna dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses.
Fry: Yeah, yeah, I've gotten used cars before.
% To Planet Express. Fry pushes the van inside. Bender's inside drinking beer.
Leela: What's that? One of those Jefferson Starships I've heard so much
about?
Fry: It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a rockin',
I invite you to come a knockin'.
Zoidberg: Wow.
Amy: Neat.
Hermes: It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering.
Amy: Hey, the speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster
than 80,000 miles an hour?
Fry: No, it can't, but it's got a driver's side floor and an eight track
player with genuine mono sound. [Shot of an 8-track with GROOVE PILE
'72 inside].
Prof.: Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time?
Fry: Under the seat.[Take out bong]
% Leela turns the key in the ignition. Engine stutters.
Leela: Why won't it start?
Fry: It just needs some gas.
Prof.: Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in
2038.
Leela: Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative
fuels.
Fry: Like what?
Leela: Whale oil.[Points to a barrel of "Mobil Dick Whale Oil"] Bender,
lift it up to the cap opener.
Bender: Oh, no. I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho
nearly cut my head off.
Fry: Oh, right. Plus the magnet screws up inhibition unit and makes
you sing folk songs.
Bender: What? Who said anything about me. secretly wanting to be a folk
singer? How ridiculous.
Fry: Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own
you and nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than
that.
Bender: Okay, okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.
[Goes to the barrel and picks it up]
Leela: Come on!
Hermes: You can do it.
Prof.: Go on, you dummy.
% The can opener snaps Bender up instead of the barrel and proceeds "opening"
% him.
Bender: Ahhh! [Starts singing] Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. Oww!
Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care. Oww! Jimmy cracked corn and I
don't care. Ahh!
Leela: Oh, no!
Bender: ... I don't care, 'cause the master's gone away.
Zoidberg: It's toe-tappingly tragic.
% In the hospital.
Bender: Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: [Sighs] This is the worst part of the job.
Bender: What is it, good news?
Doctor: Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again.
Bender: You mean...
Doctor: [To professor] I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one.
Bender: Ah! [Sobs]
Everyone: Oh! Oh, no.
Prof.: Well, let's drag him to the curb.
Fry: Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in
the gutter like grandma's ashes.
Bender: Oh, my life is over. I'll never know happiness again.
% A honking is heard and a robot clown rolls in.
Robot: Hello, there.
Leela: Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of
laughter.
Adams: Come on, take it. [Honks] What's the matter, can't move your arms?
Bender: Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.
Adams: Hey, here's a giggle. [Plugs a jack in "JOKEBOOK COMPUTER". The
computer shows "EXPORTING COMEDY" progress bar] Did you hear why
they are using Windows 3000 as a prison guard?
Fry: No, why?
Adams: 'Cause it always locks up. [Everyone laughs weakly]
Bender: For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!
Adams: Well, so long. Get well soon. [Looks at the chart] Oh, well... so
long , anyway.
Bender: Oh, I'm doomed. Everybody leave me alone. I don't want to be seen
this way. [Sobs]
Fry: Ah, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?
[Bender sobs. Fry walks away]
% Bender keeps sobbing. Suddenly harmonica starts playing.
Bender: Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering.
That's kind of a pick-me-up.
% The doctor slides the curtains, and we see Beck's head playing the harmonica
% Bender looks at him. The doctor solders Beck's heard to a mannequin.
Bender: Wow, that was great.
Beck: You a fan?
Bender: I don't know. Let me see. [Telescopes his eyes] Oh, my God, you're
Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my
crappy body crapped out on me.
Beck: Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body, too, but then I
fished this mannequin out of the 92 Cent Store dumpster.
Bender: Wow, we've sure got a lot in common, Beck. I always dreamed of
being a musician poet who transcends genres even as he reinvents
them. Just like you.
Beck: So do it, robot. It's easier than it looks.
Bender: Yeah, thanks, but it's hopeless. I'll never be a musician now.
Beck: Or, maybe you'll be the best musician ever. [Whispers to the
doctor's ear. The doctor takes out the manipulators Beck used to
play harmonica and snaps it to Bender's neck]
Bender: What's this for?
Beck: Try and scrape it across your chest like a knife on burnt toast.
[Bender strains to move the manipulators] Come on, move those arms.
Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic. [Bender reaches
his chest with the manipulators and starts scraping] Yay! All right!
Congratulations, my friend.
Bender: Why, 'cause I can make annoying noises?
Beck: Exactly. I use those all the time in my music. Bender, I want you to
become my new washboard player.
Bender: All right! Go, Bender, go, Bender, go, Bender!
% [End of Act One. Act Time: Running Time:
% Beck's hoverbus stops by Planet Express building.
Bender: Well, that's my good friend, Beck. I'm off to rock a series of
midlevel venues.
Hermes: Kudos, Bender. You got mangled and now you're a singer. Both our
dreams came true.
Fry: Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van and follow Bender
on tour and live there in the van? [Points to the van, which is
nearby, backfiring]
Zoidberg: Oh, I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around
in a van.
Beck: [Bus honks] Come on, move it. We've got to get to the concert and
make the audience wait for it to start.
% The bus drives away, the van follows, letting out clouds of black smoke.
% Their path is tracked on the map. They arrive at SQUATTER"S CORNERS.
% Cut to Fry, Zoidberg, Leela and Amy are in a laundromat. Sign outside
% the laundromat:
%
% NO SHIRT,
% NO SHOES,
% WHAT ARE YOU
% WASHING?
%
Zoidberg: Bad news, friends. My shell ran.
Amy: Zoidberg, you idiot. My outfit. It's... it's...
Leela: Kind of cool.
Fry: Yeah, I like it.
Amy: Me, too, now that I'm used to it.
Zoidberg: Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a
friend. But cross me and I'll turn on you like that-- [Yells
crazily, waving his mouthflaps].
% At the concert. Beck sings.
Beck: [Sings] There's a destination a little up the road. From the
habitations and the towns we know ? A place we saw the lights tun
low. The jigsaw jazz and the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and
jamboree handouts Two turntables and a microphone. ? Bottles and
cans and just clap your hands, and just clap your hands. Where it's
at.
Bender: Got a washboard stomach and a microphone [Scrapes his chest]
Beck: That was a washboard brain
Leela,
Fry,
Zoidberg,
Amy: Whoo! Oh, yeah.
% Amy splits to buy some food.
Amy: One bowl of jowl knuckles, please.
Peddler: That'll be three pictures of George Washington.
Amy: [Pulls money out of her pocket, it's all melted] Oh, no.
My beautiful money.
Leela: It got ruined in the wash.
Fry: Mine, too. Even my change.
Peddler: Get lost, you moneyless hippies.
HGB looking
redneck: You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. [Takes
out a chart of aliens] These are the types we like.
% Outside.
Beck: Bender, that was the best 40 minute washboard solo I've ever heard.
The parts when I was awake blew my mind.
Bender: [Spots carts broken robot rolling on tracks] Whoa, check out all
those broken robots. Howdy, fellas.
Robot 1: Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes. It's Bender, the washboard
player. Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock!
Fembot: Oh,oh, Bender. Sign my chest. It's in that bin behind me.
Robot 2: Yo, brother, thanks for showing that broken robots are still useful.
Bender: Ah, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys will
be...[The carts rolls into the building and metallic grinding
follows. A truck comes out on the other side. The building is
WINDVEXER PAPERWEIGHT COMPANY]. That is so wrong. You can't just
melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.
Beck: Whoa, dog, just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a
song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haicut" if was feeling
really... What that song's about?
Bender: Hey, yeah. I could write a song. With real words. Not phony ones
like "odelay."
Beck: Odelay is a word. Just look it up in the Becktionary.
% Beck's bus hovers through the dessert.
Bender: Do, de, do, do, do... I'm working on my song. Hand me the
Becktionary. [An assistant hands him a Becktionary]. No, no. The
rhyming Becktionary.
Beck: I wish I could help you raise awareness about broken robots. But
what can I do? I only weigh eight pounds.
Bender: Wait a minute. You know lots of rock stars. And most of them like
to look like they care about things. We can all get together for a
big benefit concert in San Francisco. And we can call it Bend-Aid,
after me, Bender.
Beck: And you can sing that song you're writing.
Bender: And I'll let you sing backup. But, remember who the star is. Me,
Bender.
% Tour continues. Map view. Switch to bender writing notes at great speed.
% Looks at the notesheet and starts to cry. An assistant passes him a
% Kleenex. At the concert. Fry, Leela and Amy fish around in trashcans. Fry
% finds a bitten hotdog swarming with flies. He points at it smiling
% deliriously. Everyone runs to him. Zoidberg chops it up to equal pieces
% and everyone chomps. Cut to the tour arriving at San Francisco. At the
% "FRANCIS DRAKE hotel", Bender lies on the bed.
Bender: All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care." And...
finished. [Sniffs] Eck, smells something died in the wall.
Fry: Surprise!
Leela: Mind if we crash here tonight? The colors in the van are keeping
us awake.
Bender: All right. But hands off the mini bar. [Closes the door on his body]
Fry: Wow, I forgot about TV. Living free on the road you realize how better
much be life is without it. Well, let's see what's on.
On TV: Tuesday, Golden Gate Park... MONSTERS OF VAGUELY FOLKISH ALTERNA-
ROCK... ... will strum your brains out at: BEND-AID, BEND-AID,
BEND-AID! Featuring... BECK! WAILING FUNGUS! And special guest
Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.
Fry: Yeah!
Zoidberg: Hooray, robots.
Amy: Bender, you're famous.
Bender: [Sniffles] Yeah.
Leela: This coming together of superstars really means a lot to you,
doesn't it, Bender?
Bender: Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers is the first thing I've ever
cared about even the slightest bit. [Sobs] You know, when I first
got broken I thought my life was over. But look at me now. I've got
[Counts on his fingers] fame, money, groupies and it's all thanks
to being completely immobilized. [Sits up on the bed] That's why I'll
be proud [Stands up] to go up on stage tomorrow and say "Look at
me, world. I am a broken robot."
Fry: Bender, you can move! You're cured!
Bender: Oh, crap! It's a miracle.
% [End of Act Two. Act Time: Running Time:
Bender: I can move again. [Sobs] My music career is over.
Fry: Bender, I don't claim to understand the biz, but wouldn't being
able to move help your music career?
Bender: No. Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of
them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's
like Christina Aguillara singing in Spanish. Wait. That's it. I'll
fake it.
% VW van drives down the windy road. Inside the van, Zoidberg clearing his
% throat.
Amy: You better not do that at the concert.
Zoidberg: I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat.
[Clear the throat again, spits out pearls]
Amy: Ugh. You are so disgusting. I..[Gasps]
Leela: They're beautiful.
Zoidberg: Ew, you're touching them.
Amy: I've never seen pearls like this. Dr. Zoidberg, you're amazing.
Zoidberg: I am? At last. Recognition. [Clears throat again. Amy and Leela
cup their hands to get the pearls]
% At BEND-AID
Man: Gentle hippies, put your filthy hands together for the folk stylings
of Cylon and Garfunkel. [Crowd cheers]
% Cylon and Garfunkel walk on stage.
Garfunkel: Here's a song that was beautiful when performed by my ancestor,
Art. [Starts singing] Are you going to Scarborough Fair...
Cylon: [In gravely electronic voice] Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...
Garfunkel: Remember me to one who lives there ...
Cylon: She once was a true love of mine...
% VW van pulls nearby. The door opens. Leela and Amy looks at hippies around.
Leela: We're home.
Amy: Well, let's earn some bread. [Posts a sign GENUINE LOVE BEADS]
Fry: Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the
center of your mind without love beads.
Woman: Wow. Look at the colors. These will go great with my soul.
Zoidberg: Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years,
apparently.
Man: I'll trade you a bad poem.
% Back to the concert
man: And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders for... Beck.
With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot.
Broken
Robots: [Cheer] Woo! Woo!
Fry: Bender rules.
Man: Groove on, man.
% A broken lighter robot tries to light itself, but can't.
Leela: Rock it, Bender.
Beck: [Sings] Can't you hear those cavalry drums, hijacking your
equilibrium. Midnight hags in the mausoleum...
% Later. It's getting dark, but the song still continues. Bender plays
% washboard solo. Finally, the song ends. Everyone cheers.
Beck: Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours but we got
into a serious thing. And then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one
last item of business before we go.
Garfunkel: Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots here's a big
cardboard check for $14,000.
Cylon: It's been an emotional day for me.
Bender: [Sobs] I don't know what to say.
Beck: Then maybe you should sing it. Lay it down, boys.
Bender: Ladies... gentlemen... smoking heaps of machinery...[smoking
broken robots cheer] This is a song called "My Broken Friend."
[All cheer. Bender starts singing] People say my broken friend is
useless. But I say his mind is free. There's lots of things my
mangled robot friend could be...
Beck: Kick it.
Bender: Well, he could make a good hat rack.
Beck: He only has to stand there.
Bender: Or a cheap doorstop...
Beck: He doesn't need to move.
Together: Or a great, big, giant thermos
Bender: With a twist-off top.
Beck: That would be good for soup.
Bender: He could be a storage closet for outdated pants
Beck: I like 'em tight.
Bender: My broken friend could do it all.
Together: Just give him a chance.
Bender: That robot has a tragic secret that I'd like to share...
Beck: For real?
Bender: My broken friend is closer to me than an ass to a chair...
Beck: Hmm.
Bender: That robot's name I never told you...
Beck: Who's that?
Bender: You could not foresee...
Beck: Come on, give it up.
Bender: I'll said it loud and sing it proud, his name is you and me.
Bender: Don't melt me down into a crowbar...
Beck: That suffers alone...
Bender: Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs...[Starts moving arms and
legs] Or toss me into a trash can...[Grabs the microphone and starts
dancing]
Beck: Bender, what are you doing?
Bender: Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs...
Beck: What are you doing?
Bender: Don't crush me into an anchor...
Beck: Yo, what's the dealeo?
Bender: Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing ...
Beck: Uh... hold it. What-- no... B-Bender...
Bender: I'm telling you, my broken friend, put your hands in the air like
you just don't care...
Beck: No.
Bender: I'm telling you, my broken friend can do most ...
Beck: Cut it.
Bender: Any-thing...
Beck: Cut it!
Bender: Yeah!
Beck: Cut it.
% Crowd boos.
Bender: [Looks at himself] Curse my natural showmanship.
Broken
robots: You big fat fraud. You're not really broken. But you will be
in a minute. Bum rush the stage. [Run and crawl towards the stage]
% Bender backs away, grabs the check, folds it and sticks inside himself.
% Then grabs a rope and jumps from the stage with a tarzan scream. He lands in
% the van. Switches gears and starts racing.
Woman: Oh, harsh. I didn't get my beads. [Zoidberg retches, beads fly]
Beck: You, minion, lift up my arm. [Minion lifts his arm] After him.
% They board the bus and start the chase. The classic San Francisco chase
% ensues.
Bender: Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk
singers.
% The chase continues. They pass by a chinese parade with a classic
% multilegged dragon. As they chase past it, the costume is blown off,
% revealing a green multilegged caterpillar.
Caterpillar: What is this? The year of the jerk?
% They drive to Golden Gate Bridge.
Fry: Hurry, the Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the
other metal.
% Bender steps on the pedal. Beck's bus catches up to then rams the van. All scream.
Bender: Oh, no. I forgot this is a Hoverbridge.
Leela: And I forgot this isn't a Hovercar.
Fry: Is any of that a problem?
Zoidberg: Not if you've lived a life without regret. A-a-ah!
% The enters the bridge and dives. Everyone screams.
Bender: I'll save me. [Grabs on the hanging cable]
Leela: Quick, grab his foot cups.
% And they do. The cable stretches and the van is carefully lowered to the
% ground. Everyone sighs with relief. They let go of Bender's foot cups, the
% cable springs and Bender is launched by a rocket.
Leela: Bummer.
% Cut to FISHERMAN's WORF. A fat guy and a thin girl near a souvenir stand.
Bender: Someone fat get in my way!
% He lands on a thin girl. He gets up and starts walking away only to get hit
% by Beck's bus. The bus stops.
Bender: Aw, I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me.
Beck: Good.
Bender: I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music
with you. I never meant to hurt anyone or help anyone.
Beck: Bender, that's some played-out, new-jack horse crap. But I know you
don't mean it, so... apology accepted.
Bender: So, I can, uh, keep the check?
Garfunkel: Over my dead career. [Opens Bender up and takes the check]
Bender: Well, it was worth a shot.
% They walk way, board the bus and leave. Bender sighs. Amy, Fry, Zoidberg,
% Leela and a seal float by on the van.
Fry: Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home.
Bender: All right. All right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.
[gets a magnet "I love Men" from a souvenir stand and sticks it on
his forehead. Starts singing] Fry cracked corn and I don't care,
Leela cracked corn, I still don't care, Bender cracked corn and
he's great... Take that, you stupid corn.
% [End of Act Three. Act Time: Running Time:
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> Contributors
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{} Me
luther
download maybe), would you?
"Ostap Bender" <bende...@Mailandnews.com> wrote in message
news:eb5a0270.01090...@posting.google.com...
Ostap Bender
> cool- you wouldn't happen to have capsules more episodes somewhere (like for
> download maybe), would you?
I will when they are ready. So far I've only got capsules for
3ACV11, 3ACV13, 3ACV14 and 3ACV15 and they are all incomplete.
Speaking of which - come on, people, how about some participation in
making them? Post you DYNs, corrections, etc.
If you want them now, search on at groups.google.com - they've
all been posted here.
Ink
I would if I could, but I only have "I dated a robot".