PSU Explanatory Bulletin

[Martijn Faassen]

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PSU Explanatory Bulletin
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To all PSU Members. Spreading this information to non-members will mean
COMPLETE ELIMINATION of your existence from all timestreams. So don't do it.
Probability ratings are in decimal point scale Aazh-3 .

It has been stated recently that a native code compiler has not been
created yet for Python.

http://mail.python.org/pipermail/python-dev/2003-January/032519.html

This is untrue; in fact in the Rigo system, an obscure star hidden
far away in the Sagittarius arm of our galaxy, a planetary sized brain
already reached a solution in 57,701,135 BCE, based on a
turtles-all-the-way down strategy using stackless reality continuations (0.9).
This system is called Turtle-Python, as a turtle is a reptilian, like a
Python, but with a shield.

Unfortunately it was too late; the Unbroken Infinity, a civilisation based
on Python that spanned the entire Sagittarius arm from core to intergalactic
space collapsed under the onslaught of whitespace eating nanoviruses
before Turtle-Python could be deployed -- an irony, as it was researcher from
the Unbroken Infinity itself that had created this vile menace (0.7).
If only they had used Lisp (but then they'd have to deal with the Doom Macro,
another story..).

The Unbroken Infinity, then a five system multi-species confederation, adopted
a heavily patched version of Python 1.5.1 about 63 million years ago. They
obtained the sources through undisclosed means, possibly through a temporal
leak in their mail archiving software (0.3). A similar leak of more limited
scope was recently discovered in mailman:

http://mail.python.org/pipermail/python-dev/2005-February/013140.html

Note that the effbot recently left python-dev:

http://online.effbot.org/2003_02_01_archive.htm#python-dev

This is obviously not permanent as the effbot will definitely be back
in little over two years if we want to avoid a cascade paradox resolution
disruption in this region of universe 76 of this cluster of timelines.
Which we do. The PSU will have him online before then (0.8).

The true reason for the PSU taking the effbot offline can be disclosed now.
The effbot has been sent across the span of the galaxy to the Rigo
system. We have put a replacement online, but it is too limited to fully
deal with the streneous environment of Python-Dev, so in order to avoid
its breakdown we had to withdraw this inferior copy from this chaos. We
are copying over some Timbot code currently in an effort to mend it,
but don't hold your breath. If the effbot suddenly starts using partial
winks and the like-ly, you will know if we succeeded. Our previous attempt
to patch up a copy of a bot this way was not entirely successful (ruebot).

The effbot is our best bet to navigate the waste of the Saggitarius arm
all the way to the Rigo system. Our desperate hope is that he'll make it
and that he can find the sources to Turtle Python (not to be confused
with the turtle module in the standard distribution; an interesting
example of a synchronicity). We need Turtle Python, as we need the
defense against the whitespace eating nanovirus threat -- it had over
57 million years to evolve and after breaching the PSU's Orion arm
defense grid is now in a position to threaten this region of the galaxy.
(0.8)

Incidentally, we also need Turtle Python to beat Dan Sugalski in 2004 so
that it will be Guido who throws the pie, and not Dan. This is a question
of honor:

http://mail.python.org/pipermail/python-dev/2003-January/032598.html

especially when the pie throwing got added to the stakes.

But really, the PSU sees saving the Earth as more important than winning
a bet. Really (0.2).

The PSU has already set up a system for introducing Turle Python in its
customary stealthy manner; we can't go and scare the rest of the world
with the truth, after all. They would want to use our time machine.

In order to do this, we have set up a front project, codenamed PyPy:

http://codespeak.net/pypy/index.cgi?home

During a few fictional 'sprints' and some fake mailinglist activity, a
development group consisting almost entirely of PSU operatives and bots will
"develop" this new system, which is actually an incremental patch-set taken
from Turtle-Python. In the mean time we've tricked Guido into
distracting comp.lang.python with a few postings about if-then-else in
expressions. This way non-PSU members will be so distracted they will never
find out what is really going on.

Let us hope -- and pray -- for the effbot's speedy return on his quest.
We'd hate to have to risk the timbot.