Things you'd like to hear
Russell Stewart
--
________________________________________________________________
Russell Stewart The Clinton Administration --
dia...@rt66.com Where "Send in the Marines!" has become
Albuquerque, NM "Send in Jimmy Carter!"
Randy Patton
op...@dolphin.upenn.edu writes:
>In article <RmwXAs...@delphi.com> Alara Rogers <aj...@delphi.com>
writes:
>>Q: "You really *don't* want me on your starship? Sorry... I'll leave
now..."
>>
>>Lwaxana: "Well, you're right, Little One. It's none of my business."
>>
>>Guinan: "Fucked if *I* have any clue."
>
>Dax: This has never happened in any of my lives.
>
>Kira: The Cardassians may be right.
>
>Spock: I get choked up just thinking about it.
>
>Chekov: (any word having a "W" in it)
Enterprise speech pathologist: "Mr. Data, repeat after me: can't,
wouldn't, shouldn't."
=========================================================================
H. Randy Patton = "We need variety to keep life from
Technical Coordinator = becoming dull and monogamous."
Virginia Tech English Dept. =
Randy....@vt.edu = -- One of my freshman writing students
=========================================================================
Debra Edhlund
: Picard: "Lieutenant Worf, KICK SOME ASS!"
: LaForge [examining Data's open head]: "Waaaaaitaminute, Data! What
: does 'Intel Inside' mean?"
: Humbly yours,
: Rudeboy
: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
: Rudeboy, the Voice of a Generation -- ez01...@chip.ucdavis.edu
: Disclaimer: My opinions are the opinions of my employer, my employer's
: family and friends, and anyone else in the entire world who either has
: or has not met me, unless they specifically tell you otherwise and
: specify the opinion with which they disagree.
: After having done so, any such individual still holds my opinions,
: whether they care to admit it or not.
: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
--
--------------------------------------------------------------
Debra Edhlund
a004...@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
or: deb...@gcomm.com
"Some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you."
Commander Riker :)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Eric Gross
1.) Somebody attends a conference or goes on leave without being kidnapped by
the Romulans, Cardacians or similar hostile party.
2.) Somebody attends a conference or goes on leave without accidently falling
into a time vortex.
3.) The Enterprise's shields take more than 3 hits.
4.) Geordi is asked to solve an engineering problem and replies: "Screw that,
that's impossible."
5.) Geordi is asked how to solve an engineering problem and responds: "I don't
have the faintest idea."
6.) The Enterprise goes out on a mission, meets an alien intelligence,
attempts to establish communication and finds out that it is simply impossible
to understand anything the aliens say; Picard shrugs and goes home.
7.) The Enterprise goes out on a mission, meets an alien intelligence which is
vastly superior, and is destroyed by that intelligence without a thought.
8.) Riker stops issuing orders like he's in command when Picard is sitting
right there.
9.) Somebody totals up the number of years Enterprise has spent in spacedock
due to battle damage, various system failures and the damaging effects of
encountering various strange probes, entities and energy fields, and
discovers it actually exceeds the time the ship has physically existed.
10.) Warf playing Data in a game of electronic Battleship.
LucPicard
I am sorry to report, but James Kirk just died.
Blase Martin Louis
(again) copied from Mosaic:
46 Things That Never Happen in Star Trek
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it
has encountered before.
2) The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists
who are all perfectly all right.
3) The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called
Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything
is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4) The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
5) The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6) An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the
Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring
the right leads.
7) A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
8) A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a
computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge
protection feature called a 'fuse'.
9) The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another
without serious incident.
10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence
which does not put them on trial.
11) The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12) The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and
dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can
blame it on in the end.
13) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence
which they easily pacify with candy.
14) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon,
which is in no way connected with the 20th century.
15) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise,
and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
everyone's satisfaction.
17) The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day
19) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered
without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would
represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
20) A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a
single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21) Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
22) Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!
23) Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
24) Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
25) Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
26) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski
show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love
poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
27) When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual
range no one says "On screen."
28) Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond
to one of the Enterprise's hails.
29) Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in
"Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the
tape).
30) Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy
git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age
for a change.
31) Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we
know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
32) The warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort
themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy
genius Wesley Crusher.
33) Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better
than ever.
34) Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
35) Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
36) Data falls in love with the replicator.
37) Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits,
and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
[or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not
fall in love. -psl]
38) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime
Directive.
39) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell
the tale.
40) Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being
able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three
sentences that anyone says to him.
41) Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
42) Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.
(Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)
43) Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't
sacrifice herself for him.
44) Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
45) Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack by
alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan
physiology" and thus he cannot save the day.
46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.
want the address where i got this stuff? there's lots more -- :) ;)
-Blaze
"Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."
LAUGHTON BRIAN
Spock : "Boring"
Brian Laughton
Natalie Grinnell
>Russell Stewart (dia...@mack.rt66.com) wrote:
>: "Ensign, assume a very peculiar orbit."
>
>"Captain, I'm sensing an immense sexual attration toward you from the
>Cardassian Gul right now."
>
>-- Blaze
"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway. Any crewmember leaving the toilet seat
up on my ship will be ejected into space. Cardassian space. Without a
space suit. Any questions?"
--Gnat
LAUGHTON BRIAN
Bones : "Damn Jim, I Am a __________"
^^ ^Whatever^
Brian Laughton
Dave Knutson
>In article <35qlk8$o...@netnews.upenn.edu> Russell C Silberglied,
>op...@dolphin.upenn.edu writes:
>>In article <RmwXAs...@delphi.com> Alara Rogers <aj...@delphi.com>
>writes:
>>>Q: "You really *don't* want me on your starship? Sorry... I'll leave
>now..."
>>>
>>>Lwaxana: "Well, you're right, Little One. It's none of my business."
>>>
>>>Guinan: "Fucked if *I* have any clue."
>>
>>Dax: This has never happened in any of my lives.
>>
>>Kira: The Cardassians may be right.
>>
>>Spock: I get choked up just thinking about it.
>>
>>Chekov: (any word having a "W" in it)
>
>Enterprise speech pathologist: "Mr. Data, repeat after me: can't,
>wouldn't, shouldn't."
>
Thomas Ballantine
In re DS9: ". . . to boldly stay where someone has stayed before."
kbal...@wsuhub.uc.twsu.edu
>
> "It's Miller time!"
>
> "Do we havvvvve to beam down? Can't we scan from up here? Oh, gee, I don't
> want to go!"
>
> "What do you mean, 'No Sir, it's my coffe break?!?!' Warp 5 now!"
>
> :)
How about this one, Riker says, "Pardon me Captain, I have to use the
restroom." ;)
Kordi A.
Wichita State University
"You obtuse piece of flotsam...": Q to Picard,"All Good Things..."
"That boy's as 'bout as sharp as a pound of wet liver.": Foghorn Leghorn
"She reminds me of the road between Dallas and Ft.Worth...no curves."
:Foghorn Leghorn describing Miss Prissy
-D.WELLS
Blase Martin Louis <m-b...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>Russell Stewart (dia...@mack.rt66.com) wrote:
>: "Ensign, assume a very peculiar orbit."
>
>"Captain, I'm sensing an immense sexual attration toward you from the
>Cardassian Gul right now."
>
David R. Wells
"There seems to be something wrong | David R. Wells
with our bloody ships today" | AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ
Adm. D. Beatty, May 31, 1916 | Email: drw...@hogpa.att.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't speak for AT&T, and they don't speak for me.
Blase Martin Louis
Quark: "No strings attached."
Picard: "Tea. Lipton. Iced."
Wes: "That's a _lot_ better than what I had in mind."
Blaze
"Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- Emerson
"Different is good" -- Arby's
Blase Martin Louis
Rudeboy
face?"
--Charlie
Jonathan Aiello
The port power coupling going down.
An admiral who's not a complete a-hole.
--
Jonathan Aiello | jmai...@ucdavis.edu | 916-758-0960
I think I am, therefore I am, I think.
George Eberle
Worf: Hailing frequencies open, Sir.
Warbird: "Greetings, were sorry were unable to answer your hail at this time,
but your call is very important to us. Please leave your name, rank,
ship name, and a good time to call, and we will return your call as
soon as possible. Thank you..... BEEEP"
-George
--
----------------------
Benjamin Hsu
> In article <35qlk8$o...@netnews.upenn.edu> Russell C Silberglied,
> op...@dolphin.upenn.edu writes:
> >In article <RmwXAs...@delphi.com> Alara Rogers <aj...@delphi.com>
> writes:
> >>Q: "You really *don't* want me on your starship? Sorry... I'll leave
> now..."
> >>
> >>Lwaxana: "Well, you're right, Little One. It's none of my business."
> >>
> >>Guinan: "Fucked if *I* have any clue."
> >
> >Dax: This has never happened in any of my lives.
> >
> >Kira: The Cardassians may be right.
> >
> >Spock: I get choked up just thinking about it.
> >
> >Chekov: (any word having a "W" in it)
>
> Enterprise speech pathologist: "Mr. Data, repeat after me: can't,
> wouldn't, shouldn't."
>
fix it.
Garak: Dammit doctor, I'm an exile, not a tailor.
At your service,
Ben Hsu
~~~~~~~~Ben...@CMU.edu~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Finger for more information~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Live Long, Prosper, and Play DOOM!!!!!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James Wooten
: Kirk [in turbolift, STIII:TSFS]: "Mr. Saavik. Have you changed your
: face?"
It's still regulation, Admiral.
: --Charlie
:^)
Peter W., hijacking James' account.
Karen Fletcher
>Picard: Beer, Blatz, luke-warm.
Picard: Tea, Earl Grey, hot, white, with two lumps and this time put the
milk in first, not like last time, and put it in my favorite mug, the big
one that says "Because I'm the Captain, that's why!"
Is anyone _collecting_ these?
Karen Fletcher flet...@prairienet.org
==================The Garden Gate on Prairienet===========================
http://www.prairienet.org/ag/garden/homepage.htm
DIRGO
Die in poverty...soon.
Spock.. bite me.
Other ships in the quadrant are responding to the emergency...the
Enterprise is not needed at this time.
I am the Captain, so I'm afraid I haven't the time to give a beguiling
young woman a tour of the ship...I'm sure Mr. Chekov can handle it.
I'm the ship's doctor, and I say you all have to lose some weight.
He's dead, Jim...irrevokably, irretrievably, totally, completely, without
chance of parole dead. So don't even think about it, because I mean dead.
Ensign, you have the conn...I need to pee.
Blase Martin Louis
On Fri, 23 Sep 1994, Jerad Hoff wrote:
>
> I would love the adderss to where you get funny trek stuff. I would
> apreciate it greatly.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Jerad
>
Can't get the http address from here, but if you know how to get into the
WWW Virtual Library, go to Recreation, then under the header Misc. II go
to Jay's Fun Page. Star Trek/Wars humor, and a Trek page, are under there.
Let me know if this isn't enough to get you there, and I'll look up the
http address and print that too.
Blaze
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." Emerson
"Hey, different is good." Arby's ad
Lloyd R. Parker
: Pickard: Worf, open a channel to that warbird!
: -George
: --
: ----------------------
Or how about:
"You have reached a Romulan warbird. Press 1 if you wish to talk to the
communications officer. Press 2 to speak with the captain. Press 3 if
you want to communicate with the science officer. Press 4 for direct
contact with the ship's computer. Press 'pound' after any number if you
wish visual communication. Press 'star' after a number if you are using
the universal translator. Press zero for assistance."
C.E.Carter
Things I wish I'd heard
Geordi - I can't tell what's wrong with it - but I know a man who can.
Scotty climbs out from under an open console wipes his hands on an oily rag,
sucks his teeth and shakes his head - "Well I'm afraid it's gonna cost you."
Just a little garage humour for us transatlantic types.
Kate
Janis Maria C. C. Cortese
>"Ensign, assume a very peculiar orbit."
I have the vaguest memory of someone writing a parody (a good one, too)
that involved Picard asking for standard orbit, and someone asking
something along the lines of, "Awwww, can't we use Weird, Wacky, and
Wild Orbit #3?"
:-),
Janis the net.proud.hussy
Janis Cortese || President and Founder: SEFEB, and The ||
cor...@netcom.com || Society of People Who Would Love to ||
Net Loudmouthed Bitchy || Shove a Stick Up Rush Limbaugh's Ass; ||
Renaissance Woman and || and Member of The Star Fleet Ladies' ||
General All-Around Hussy || Auxiliary and Embroidery/Baking Society ||
=====================================================================||
I used to be a bitch and just thought it was my problem. ||
Now, I've learned to make it everyone else's problem, too. ||
======================== Zbovyvf va Zbovyr! =========================||
babb...@kosmos.wcc.govt.nz
Worf: Permission to release the prisoner unharmed, sir.
Picard/Riker: Energise
Chief O'Brien: Sorry sir, the battery's dead.
Deanna: I really can't see where you're coming from. You're sick, do you
hear me? Plain sick! Ugh, get out of my sight...
Riker: No, sorry, I'm saving myself for marriage.
Riker: No.
LaForge: There's no time for any unique, innovative and brilliant work-arounds.
We'll just have to use the backup systems... boring.
Data: I am sorry sir, but I have no information on that subject.
Data: Ha, ha! Good joke sir. Now, about my promotion...
And of course:
Spock: Fascinating, there appears to be an alien life-form on the bridge, and
it is growing to immense proportions. Soon there will be no room for anyone
else in the room.
Shatner (Kirk): Nonsense Spock, that's just my ego being cultivated.
Jeffrey W. McKeough
It was a wonderous day in the K'Heymahrt bazaar on the homeworld. The
Emperor looked to the ceiling, and before him appeared a vision of the
fabled B'Lhu La'it. He seized the microphone from his brother Morath,
and proclaimed to all present: "Attention Klingon shoppers, from this
day forth I shall be known to one and all as Kahless, The Discount
Emperor."
--
Copyright 1994 JWM Unauthorized Reproduction Outside Usenet Is Prohibited.
All Rights Reserved | --30 days have September, April, June and November--
Swimming in Serotonin| --Except on Usenet, where September has 365.--
*SEFEB/TP* KF5979236| Jeffrey William McKeough j...@student.umass.edu
Bartley Kives
Picard: "I'm stuck in another impossible Holodeck malfunction, and I can't
get out!"
*****
Deanna: "I sense that this particular species is quite unlike any life
form ever before encountered by humanoids."
Picard: "Well, then it's a damned good thing they speak English."
bart
ERIC JACK SEIFTER
The Enterpprise is in a deadly situatioon. Nobody has a clue what to do.
In the end Barcley invents a Holodeck simulation of a late 20th century
living room, with a TV. The crew watches all the Star Trek shows, and
finds a way out of there...
-----> Dolev
Jeff Hitchin
: It was a wonderous day in the K'Heymahrt bazaar on the homeworld. The
: Emperor looked to the ceiling, and before him appeared a vision of the
: fabled B'Lhu La'it. He seized the microphone from his brother Morath,
: and proclaimed to all present: "Attention Klingon shoppers, from this
: day forth I shall be known to one and all as Kahless, The Discount
: Emperor."
"Kahless Drugs. Because warriors deserve MORE from a drugstore."
Jeffrey Hitchin
jhi...@uswnvg.com
Lloyd R. Parker
: Picard: "I'm stuck in another impossible Holodeck malfunction, and I can't
: get out!"
: *****
: bart
Picard to Darmok: "You're talkling gibberish! Try putting a subject
and verb together to make a complete sentence."
George Eberle
disengage safety feature, priority Riker Alpha One."
Pickard: "Computer, identify that awful smell on the bridge"
Computer: "Terrible smell is gas from Lt. Commander Worf, it is a mixture
of pizza, anchovies, worms, alcohol, and Deania's ..."
Pickard: "Thank you computer, that's enough"
Data: "Illegal execution at memory location EEEEF. Press R to reboot, I to
ignore, or A to abort."
Lt. Worf: "Attention all crew members, I left my laundry in Laundry Suite 01
last night and I demand to know who stole my underwear"
--
----------------------
Ryan M. Smith
More things I would love to hear from our gallant crews:
O'Brien:"No, Molly, you can't throw your oatmeal down the service
crawlways!"
Sisko:"I won't be condescending to you this episode, Dr. Bashir."
Dax:"If I hold it any longer my Trill will pop out!!!!"
McCoy:"Dammit Jim, this woman-shaped creature has no genitals!"
Data:"I have no &%&%^&%$$^$ idea, sir."
Worf:"It's fun to be dainty."
Data again:"Commander Riker, if you lean on the Ops console any
harder, you will create a noticeable sag."
Dr. Crusher:"You know, I don't know why I wear this stupid blue
coat."
And finally Captain Picard:"Lwaxana Troi is coming aboard. What
is the correct stun setting, Mr. Data?"
Jose Cruz
Flet...@prairienet.org writes:
>Is anyone _collecting_ these?
I SURE HOPE SO!!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Jose "JC" Cruz, Jr. Research Analyst | The value of KNOWLEDGE is|
| The University of Texas - Pan American | |
| Edinburg, Texas, USA, Earth, SOL | not in its accumulation, |
|------------------------------------------| |
| Send E-Mail to: JC9...@PANAM.EDU | but in its APPLICATION. |
| or don't | |
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
NOTICE: This message has been gel-coated for easy swallowing
JAC
>In article <35pjl3$c...@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>, m-b...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Blase Martin Louis) writes:
>>Russell Stewart (dia...@mack.rt66.com) wrote:
>>: "Ensign, assume a very peculiar orbit."
>>
>>"Captain, I'm sensing an immense sexual attration toward you from the
>>Cardassian Gul right now."
>>
>
>"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway. Any crewmember leaving the toilet seat
>up on my ship will be ejected into space. Cardassian space. Without a
>space suit. Any questions?"
>
>--Gnat
What makes u think that they have toilet seats in the future, I would
have thought that trek would have evolved beyond such things. They are
always saying "we have evolved beyond such..."
Just a thought.
mark.
Christopher Paul Cline
In article <Pine.SOL.3.90.940924...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu>, Blase Martin Louis <m-b...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu> writes:
|>> I would love the adderss to where you get funny trek stuff. I would
|>> apreciate it greatly.
|>>
|>> Thanks,
|>>
|>> Jerad
|>Can't get the http address from here, but if you know how to get into the
|>WWW Virtual Library, go to Recreation, then under the header Misc. II go
|>to Jay's Fun Page. Star Trek/Wars humor, and a Trek page, are under there.
|>Let me know if this isn't enough to get you there, and I'll look up the
|>http address and print that too.
|>
Well for all those who want the http address it was
http://paul.spu.edu/~zylstra/comedy/star/index.html
plus I have been collecting the tidbits that have come along and
if anyone wants a copy just e-mail and I will get back to you as
soon as possibel (e-mail address cpc...@eos.ncsu.edu)
--
Chris Cline "Is anyone out there?..The Truth is out there!" (And a Dragon)
"Ask the next question. Keep on asking questions and don't stop, and
sooner or later you'll be asking intelligent ones. If you live long enough."
-Theodore Sturgeon
ERIC JACK SEIFTER
George Eberle <g...@f16.cray.com> wrote:
>
>Data: "Illegal execution at memory location EEEEF. Press R to reboot, I to
> ignore, or A to abort."
>
The program had been Terminated.
Have a nice day...
-----> Dolev
qu...@met.com
A scout for the Yankees, stopping on DS9 during an interstellar scouting
expedition, sees Sisko and Jake playing catch. Notes that Sisko has a
first rate knuckleball and signs him to pitch middle relief. He resigns
his commission and takes the offer.
Jim Benton
(who is of course a Mets fan, I don't want him on my team either)
[And with that message I note I have plowed through two days of
messages, and feel it is time for a break. Not that I need one, but you
people must be tired of hitting the "Next" key. Maybe I'll try getting
more caught up later.]
Grant Burton
RP> >>
RP> >>Lwaxana: "Well, you're right, Little One. It's none of my business."
RP> >>
RP> >>Guinan: "Fucked if *I* have any clue."
RP> >
RP> >Dax: This has never happened in any of my lives.
RP> >
RP> >Kira: The Cardassians may be right.
RP> >
RP> >Spock: I get choked up just thinking about it.
RP> >
RP> >Chekov: (any word having a "W" in it)
RP> Enterprise speech pathologist: "Mr. Data, repeat after me: can't,
RP> wouldn't, shouldn't."
Kirk to scotty "engage at warp 9"... scotty "no problem captain, everything is
fine"
Picard to worf "fire all phasers, blow the crap out of that ship"
Picard to data " how long will it take us to reach tal-cygna 5 data?".......
Data "why dont you figure it out!"
--
___/\
/ \ jpi...@portal.apana.org.au (>:-I... Captain Picard...>:-)
\___ / Gippsland Trekors Victoria Australia
\* <--' Bev Crusher, 4th season, episode "Remember me?"
"if there is nothing wrong with me, somthing must be wrong with the universe"
Russell Stewart
: "You have reached a Romulan warbird. Press 1 if you wish to talk to the
: communications officer. Press 2 to speak with the captain. Press 3 if
: you want to communicate with the science officer. Press 4 for direct
: contact with the ship's computer. Press 'pound' after any number if you
: wish visual communication. Press 'star' after a number if you are using
: the universal translator. Press zero for assistance."
That reminds me: did you hear about LAPD's complaint hotline? The number
is 1-800-###-####.
(figure it out).
--
Russell Stewart "I have here these fifteen-"
dia...@rt66.com *CRASH*
Albuquerque, NM "Oi. These ten commandments..."
Richard Maddocks
<any st, tng, ds9 character> "I'm dying for a piss"
--
Richard Maddocks
George Lyle (233789)
Aged Dr. McCoy (standing over body of Wesley): "He's dead, Captain"
Picard: "Make damn sure it's so!"
gary weiner
LAST SEASON!
--
Gary J. Weiner - The Electron Man | "The killer awoke before dawn, he put
National Synchrotron Light Source | his boots on...he took a face from
wei...@bnlux1.bnl.gov | the ancient gallery and he walked on
PO BOX 715 Upton, NY 11973 | down the hall." - J. Morrison
Lloyd R. Parker
Does Data ever have to be backed up? How many 3.5" floppy disks would it
take?
Miguel Farah F.
"What? - Oh... this ST:TNG stuff has been only a bad dream. It doesn't
really exist! How good."
--
MIGUEL FARAH * GCS/O -d+ H s++:+>s++: !g p2+ au-
mfa...@ing.puc.cl * a23 w v++ C++ UL+>++++ P+ L>L++ 3-
mfa...@lascar.puc.cl (mail only) * E--- N+++ K++ W--(+) M- V-- po+ Y+
http://torvalds.ing.puc.cl/~mfarah * t++@ !5 !j R G? tv b+ D++ B- e+*
#include <disclaimer.h> * u+ h! f+ r-- n---(+) y?
-----------------------------------*-----------------------------------
"- That unit is a woman.
- A mass of conflicting impulses."
- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9
George Eberle
at the academy will go up 200% for the fall semester. Also, financial aid from
The Rigael Colony will not be offered this year.
Warbird Captain: Pickard, you suck!
Pickard: Eat sh*t!
Dr. Crusher: Deanna, the test results are back. In nine months, you will have
a klingon/human/betazoid baby.
Everyone agreeing on someones opinion on this discussion group.
Geordi: Data, the parts needed to fix your left arm are no longer available-
I will find out if there are any after market parts available though.
--
George
--
----------------------
Paul
gang rape programs running on the holodeck?!"
Janis Maria C. C. Cortese
Stephen Jacob
Hi all!
I sent this as a reply (below) to Philippa but I decided to Cc it to
myself and post it as it is info which quite a few of you may be
interested in. Anyway, don't you think it sucks that we should get that
shit from the U.K. company that releases them!
-------------------original-message-sent-to-Philippa------------------------
In rec.arts.startrek.current you write:
>Can anyone mail me the dates of the video release
>of All Good Things please?
>(in the UK!!)
>Philippa
Hi Philippa!
AGT... will be released on the 3rd of October (next Monday!) as the last
tape (89) of the TNG set. There is, however, a problem. It will not be the
propper version. It will be the "specially eddited for TV 2 part version"
(with a minute cut out of each half!!!). Those horrible, overly capitalistic
B***ards at CIC have decided to release it twice! The *first* time releasing
the incorrect version and only releasing the propper version as a special
collectors' edition on the 5th of December!!! This will mean that if you want
to see the propper version (double length single episode format), you
will have to wait till then. You will probably have, also, to pay around
20-25 quid (as with the DS9 Emissary special edition) for the episode rather
than 10 quid like normally!!! It will come with a small documentary on the
making of TNG but it really annoys me that I will have to see the wrong version
first or wait for *ages* and pay buches for it!!!
Seeya...
+----------------------------------------+----------------------------------+
| Stephen Jacob //// ////// | "The universe is a spheroid |
| stj...@alf2.tcd.ie // // | region, 705 metres in diameter" |
| s...@maths.tcd.ie //// // //// // | - The computer ("Remember Me") |
| stj...@vax1.tcd.ie |----------------------------------|
+----------------------------------------+ "It is the unknown that |
| "Die with honour" | defines our existence" |
| - Tosk (Deep Space Nine) | - Bajoran Proverb |
+----------------------------------------+----------------------------------+
Benjamin Hsu
> take?
Don't be silly...they'll use tape :)
At your service,
Ben Hsu
~~~~~~~~Ben...@CMU.edu~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Finger for more information~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Live Long, Prosper, and Play DOOM!!!!!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blase Martin Louis
On Wed, 28 Sep 1994, Eugen Fournes wrote:
> In <35sjj3$a...@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> m-b...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu (Blase Martin Louis) writes:
>
> >46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.
>
> >want the address where i got this stuff? there's lots more -- :) ;)
>
>
> YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
>
I looked up and got the http address for Jay's Fun Page, including Star
Trek/Wars jokes:
http://paul.spu.edu/~zylstra/comedy/star/index.html
(Be sure to check out Borg vs. Microsoft! :) )
Blaze
"Cerebus doesn't drink to feel good. Cerebus drinks because he likes
drinking."
--Dave Sim, _Church and State_
Brad G. Parks
: In article <Fletcher.33...@prairienet.org> Karen Fletcher,
I'm saving them. If requested enough, I'll post/e-mail
out a "Best of TYL2H".
If requested too-much, I'll turn it into a weekly posting.
--
Brad G. Parks (bpa...@intcorp.com)
[Software Engineer, O-Programmer]
Introl Corporation (612)-631-7810
2675 Patton Rd. St.Paul, MN 55113
Philippa M Ryan
mike...@options.sgi.com
Big crisis with Data off the ship:
Picard: Dammit Geordi, can't you get that sequential access device to work
any faster?
Geordi: I'll try piping power from the warp engines through the warp-flux
Heisenburg transformer and run the motor up to 14V
Troi: Captain, I'm sensing feelings from that 9-track 1/2" tape drive...
Worf: Magnetic media has NO HONOR!
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael Stegbauer - MikeS - stegbau...@tandem.com - formerly mikesteg
Tandem On-Line Support Center, Austin, TX - TNSC UNIX Support Analyst
1992 Laser RS AWD, Red - 1993 750 Nighthawk, Blue - trekkie(TOS,TNG,DS9,V)
Windows - the point -n- click -n- click -n- point again -n- click -n- click
-n- click -n- clickclick -n- smash -n- crunch -n- giggle interface
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sheriff
: Can anyone mail me the dates of the video release
: of All Good Things please?
All Good Things is released here in the UK next Monday (3rd October),
according to WHSmith, and CIC video. The only problem being that the
version out then will be the TV ready version - ie, two parts. We will
loose about a minute of plot to get the join and the additional credits,
and titles. The full uncut version will be available later this year
(projected for December 5th), as a boxed limited edition, including a
documentary on the making of TNG.
Hope that`s been some help to you...
Layters,
Steve
st...@planitia.demon.co.uk
Ady
Hi!
Try October.
Adrian
University of Abertay, Dundee.
Mike Powell
Mechanic slides out from under the main viewer on a mechanic's creeper.
Mechanic: You know, these martian jobs are a pain in the ass to work on.
Your looking at twelve hundred credits labor, maybe 8 or
9 hundred parts, with the trade in on the old one...
mpo...@sos.sos.net *.sig lite*
*half the lines of the leading national .sig*
Kevin Meehan
This one is not mine, but it does fit (I'm hoping the person who did
come up with it will take a bow). Quoting from memory:
Worf: Commander Data, I just participated in a Klingon ritual that
required me to eat your cat. He tasted salty, what did you feed him?
"Nil desperandum" Kevin Meehan
Horace ke...@acy1.digex.net
Paul N Yerkey
Geordi: "Dr. Crusher, why do you think you have to hang around
when we're trying to fix Data.
Supply Sergeant: "I'm sorry Commander, there's a two week
backlog on orders of the Jim Kirk Super
Support Girdle."
Picard: No, Wesley, you can stay here on Deep Space Nine; we'll
be back in two weeks to pick you up. Don't worry we'll
be back. Really.
Worf: "So, my finger slipped. Big deal. Deep Space Nine didn't
actually belong to the Federation. Those wimpy
Bajorans can't do anything about it."
Data: "Give me one good reason I shouldn't be in command of
this ship."
Data: "You guys actually believed that evil twin Lore junk?!"
Kenneth Chisholm
Deanna: Mother, will you stop chasing every male humanoid! Isn't
Odo sufficient?
Sisko, Bashir, Riker, Picard running for their freedom from Lwaxana
all going: ODO!!!!
--
Adam Deutsch
To which, Data replies: Lt. I did not give you permission to eat my cat.
In the future, if you wish to consume any of my pets, please ask me
beforehand.
Worf: Uh, Sure Data
[Data leaves]
Worf: [Roaring Laughter] Sucker
g...@oblivion.utdallas.edu
that I'm sure someone has posted it before, since Picard seems to say
this in every third episode. But I'll contribute anyway...)
Picard: Mr. Data, what's your analysis?
Data: Urinalysis is the process of performing chemical tests on urine,
intended to reveal information about the state of a biological
organism. But I'm curious ... how does this relate to our
current circumstances, sir?
---glv
Andrew Arensburger
"Captain's log, stardate 29846.5. I am nailed to the hull."
Anyone, to Troi: "Counselor, get the HELL out of my head!"
Picard, entering turbolift: "Engineering. [To interlocutor] So,
how are things up on the bridge?"
[Turbolift abruptly changes direction and goes back up
to the bridge]
Computer: "Wat'cha want, macho man?"
(Has anyone else ever wondered why nobody customizes their
computer setup anymore?)
Picard: "On screen."
Data: "I am afraid we have run out of ptys, sir."
Guest star, stepping off the transporter: "Hi, I'm So-and-so, I've
been assigned to the Enterprise as your TQM advisor."
Guinan: "Sorry, no drinks until you pay your tab."
Riker: "Boom. Sooner or later, BOOM!"
Gene Roddenberry: "I'm not dead yet... I feel... happy... I think
I'll go for a walk..."
--
Andrew Arensburger Systems Wrangler, Center for Automation Research
are...@cfar.umd.edu University of Maryland
I'm not irresponsible--I'm out of control.
Blase Martin Louis
: Riker: "Boom. Sooner or later, BOOM!"
no boom today. boom tomorrow. there's always a boom tomorrow...
Blaze
"I never bluff when I've got sand in my shoes" -- Geordi LaForge
Robert Schmanski
>Gene Roddenberry: "I'm not dead yet... I feel... happy... I think
> I'll go for a walk..."
"You're not fooling anyone, ya know."
[Bring out you dead, bring out your dead...]
--
Bob Schmanski _____..---======'^`======---.._____
_____________________ ___,-='=====____ ============= ____=====`=
(_____________________I___)- _-=_/ `------=.=------'
/ /__...---==='---+---_' Email (home): bsch...@execpc.com
'----'---.___ - _ = _.-' (school): bsch...@rhf.bradley.edu
`-------'
- Communications Officer (secretary) of Psi Phi (the Bradley Sci-Fi Club),
- Freshman E.E. Major, Theta Xi Associate Member, Symphonic Bands Trombonist,
- Wilderness Club Member, A/V Projectionist, and "All-Around Nice Guy" (tm)
"Live Long and Prosper" and "May the Force be with you"
Andrew Wooldridge
-
Uhura: Captain, you're being flamed on channel one.
-
Worf: (to Energizer Bunny) You don't need batteries to use a Bat Leth!
(swish-crunch)
-
Borg: You - will - be - assimilated
Odo: Try.
-
Worf: (drinking prune juice) *bonk* I could a had a V8!
-
Worf: Where's my Rogaine with Monoxodil?
-
If Geordi had been Ben Kenobi:
(disembodied voice)
"Luke!....Use the Plasma Inverters!...."
-
Mike Wilson
> Data: "BAD Spot! NOT on the bed! BAD Spot!"
>
> :-),
> Janis the net.proud.hussy
Possible, if Spot were a dog. Speaking of which:
Data: Replicator, three pounds of kitty litter.
Edward Jong
It is named for the explotive capitism to suck money from unsuspecting
fools who purchase Star Trek items and attend Star Trek conventions for exhorbitantly high prices.
Daniel B Patnode
Troi: I'm sensing extremely hot and moist conditions in the region below.
Worf: But we're not in orbit around any planet.
Troi: I was referring to ME you big hunk, come here!
Janis Maria C. C. Cortese
>From article <corteseC...@netcom.com>, by cor...@netcom.com (Janis Maria C. C. Cortese):
>> Data: "BAD Spot! NOT on the bed! BAD Spot!"
>>
>> :-),
>> Janis the net.proud.hussy
>
>Possible, if Spot were a dog. Speaking of which:
It's possible for a cat, too.
Trust me on this one.
Regards,
James Colaizzi
And Ann B. Davis as "Alice"
J. Colaizzi - Rutgers University, Department of Ceramics,
College of Engineering
cola...@alumina.rutgers.edu
Graham Butler
How about,
Any crew member : "Ok, who installed Solitaire? No wonder we haven't
got those warp-coils fixed"
Geordi : "Well, we can fix it, captain, and it won't take us *any time
at all* !!"
Finally, not really a TYWL2H but anyway, I'd love to see someone leave
the ready room/observation lounge etc and make it out the door on the
first go *without* turning to say something else or being called back.
Grimace
Virgil T. Morant
Guinan: What'll it be, Captain?
Picard: Well, Guinan, this matter of finding a Ferrengi ear in the
arboretum has me a bit on edge. I need to relax. How about a beer?
Heineken would be nice.
Guinan: Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!
--
Virgil Morant, as...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu
`Exterminate all the brutes!'
Dave Breneman
>"Wake up!"
>"What? - Oh... this ST:TNG stuff has been only a bad dream. It doesn't
> really exist! How good."
>
No, you're thinking of the last episode of The Bob Newhart Show.
--
David Breneman ################# Catch the Spud Goodman Show
The Spud Goodman Show ####### ####### Sundays at 10:00 PM on
d...@rosedale.seaslug.org ##### ##### KTZZ-22 in Seattle.
..uunet!camco!rosedale!dcb (_) - - - Ciao. Get a loop antenna!
Todd Horowitz
Virgil T. Morant <as...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu> wrote:
>Guinan: What'll it be, Captain?
>Picard: Well, Guinan, this matter of finding a Ferrengi ear in the
>arboretum has me a bit on edge. I need to relax. How about a beer?
>Heineken would be nice.
>Guinan: Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!
Nah. I see Guinan as more of a homebrew type.
Picard: What are you doing, Guinan?
Guinan: I'm brewing a Klingon bat'Leth Breath Stout. It requires great delicacy
in pouring the wort into the carboy... I hear your sending an away team to
the planet of timeshifting soul-eaters. Are you going?
Picard: No, I'd rather sit on the Bridge and drink beer while Riker does all
the hard stuff that I can take credit for later.
Guinan: Well, if you DON'T go, we'll never meet! (spills five gallons of
boiling beer wort in Picard's lap.)
-todd
kbal...@wsuhub.uc.twsu.edu
> In article <1994Sep29....@tolten.puc.cl> mfa...@ing.puc.cl (Miguel Farah F.) writes:
>>"Wake up!"
>>"What? - Oh... this ST:TNG stuff has been only a bad dream. It doesn't
>> really exist! How good."
>>
>
> No, you're thinking of the last episode of The Bob Newhart Show.
Ok, here is what I would like to hear for Voyager:
First Officer: "Captain, sensors have picked up a small planetary body ahead.
Roughly the same size and mass as the Earth's moon. Detecting
human life signs. It appears to be some sort of base."
Captain: "On screen!! My god, is it... No it can't be! It's the Lunar Base
from Space 1999... Load photon torpedos, prepare to fire phasers.
Helm, get us out of this bad T.V. series, Warp 8!!!!"
Commander Koening: "You will all be assimilated, into this spacefaring
nightmare!!! And my wife will give you all acting lessons!
HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!" ;)
Kordi A.
Wichita State University
"You obtuse piece of flotsam...": Q to Picard,"All Good Things..."
"That boy's as 'bout as sharp as a pound of wet liver.": Foghorn Leghorn
"She reminds me of the road between Dallas and Ft.Worth...no curves."
:Foghorn Leghorn describing Miss Prissy
co...@vnet.ibm.com
Riker: I raise ten.
Troi: I sense deception. I'll see your ten and raise fifty.
Cory Kim
The opinions expressed above are my own.
WhiteFang
Worf: If you win, I shall be forced to kill you
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
_____
__...---'-----`---...__ STNG
_=============================== "The Final Frontier"
______________,/' `---..._______...---'
(____________LL). . ,--'
/ /.---' `. / Jason Wellman a.k.a WhiteFang
'--------_ - - - - _/
`~~~~~~~~' E-Mail: z_wel...@titan.sfasu.edu
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Cameron Fleming
>Does Data ever have to be backed up? How many 3.5" floppy disks would it
>take?
dion...@infinet.com
Oddly enough, they have managed to overtake the broadcast signals from mid
20th century Earth. Unfortunately, the hostile aliens, that just suddenly
appear for no reason whatsoever, decide to fire on the ship. Data gets
fused into the sensor array, turns to Lwaxana - conveniently on the bridge
and getting sexual with Picard due to an accident in sick bay involving
the ONE chemical that can re-induce the "phase" - and spurts forth the
famous Bugs Bunny cartoon line, "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the
ugliest one of all?" This is immediately followed by a shot of a head
flying into the viewscreen - shattering it.
That's what I'd like to see. The viewscreen made utterly useless because
of something *physical*. It always seemed that that was the ONE piece of
electronics that never broke down unless everything else was too. It
never overloaded or blew up, and nobody EVER tossed anything at it or
shot it with a phasor...
--
TwinkCode v1.12 T8(6!) C3 L5w dv a- w- c+v y! e k(-) s- m1 m2+
GEEK 2.1 GS/L/O !d(?) H++ s+: g+ p? w++ v>!v C+ US+ P--- E- N++@ K++ !W
M+ -po+ Y t+@ 5++ j+ G tv b++ !D B- e+ u(++) h f r n+(-) y+(**)
Finger for PGP 2.6.1 public key
And the Thought of the Moment (tm) is...
"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest
people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"
-- Robert Orben
Timm Doolen
Picard: We're in a serious jam, Geordi.
Geordi: Well captain, if we reverse the polarization of.... no... we could
reconfigure the warp coil and..... no that wouldn't work....maybe if we
take the transporter buffer and.....no.....utilizing the holodeck...no.
Oh hell, captain, I don't have a clue.