rodbot v1.1 - released to public domain
David Moss
Here it is folks, what everyone has been waiting for.
Now all you computer nerds out there with perl on your computers
can have rodbot comment on your polsci essays, company reports,
anything at all ! My next trick will be to turn rodbot into a
cgi-script for the WWW, but for now I present rodbot v1.1 and
release it to the public domain for further enhancement:
Example output follows, the complete rodbot v1.1 listing at the end.
David Moss,
personal opinion only.
begin example-->
>The following extract is from the New England Journal of Medicine, one
>of the most respected medical journals around.
Corse it is! Barking mad! Soorree.
> It is from volume 336,
>number 17, April 24 1997. The article from which I am quoting was
>written by Thomas E.
Corse it is! Soorree. Bullshit!
> Wiswell M.D. of the Thomas Jefferson University,
>Philadelphia.
>
>
>"At least 1.2 million to 1.8 million newborn boys (60 to 90 percent)
>are circumcised annually in the United States. Until the mid-1980s,
>it was believed that the procedure had few, if any, health-related
>merits. Subsequently, however, numereous studies delineating medical
>advantages of circumcision have appeared. Specifically, there is
>substantial evidence of the following benefits. Pathological phimosis
>(in contrast to the normal state in infancy, when the the prepuce is
>nonretractile) and paraphimosis cannot occur unless there is a
>foreskin. Inflammation of the glans penis (balanitis) and prepuce
>(posthitis) are extremely painful, and they primarliy affect
>uncircumcised males. Chronic or recurrent balanoposthitis may result
>in scarring and secondary phimosis.
>
>Another benefit is a reduction in urinary tract infections. A
>meta-analysis of nine published reports showed that the risk of such
>infection is 12 times as high among uncircumcised male infants as
>among circumcised infants. A high proportion of infants with urinary
>tract infections have concomitant bacteremia, and renal scarring and
>its sequelae are not uncommon. Furthermore, circumcision reduces the
>risk of penile cancer. In uncircumcised men, the lifetime risk of
>this cancer is about 1 in 500, as compared to a risk of 1 in 50,000 to
>1 in 12 million in circumcised men. Female partners of uncircumcised
>men are more likely to contract cervical cancer.
Pathetic really. Corse it is!
> Human
>papillomaviruses are implicated in the pathogenesis of both cancers.
>Lastly, virtually every sexually transmitted disease is more common in
>uncircumcised men, and the risk of human immunodeficiency virus [HIV]
>infection is greater.
>
>Why are these infections more common in uncircumcised men? The warm,
>moist, mucosal environment under the foreskin probably favors the
>growth of microorganisms.
Gets sillier by the minute.
> Trauma to the prepuce during intercourse
>may increase microbial invasion.
Fantasy.
> It has been suggested that lifelong
>hygiene of the uncircumcised penis will prevent many of the above
>mentioned disorders.
Fraid so.
> To date, however, there is no evidence that
>optimal attention to genital cleansing confers such protection.
>
>Clinical and neurologic testing has not detected differences in penile
>sensitivity between men who were circumcised and those who were not.
>I know of no data indicating circumcised men have more long-term
>genital-related problems with either psychological, social, emotional,
>and sexual function or sexual pleasure.
>
>For an experienced operator, the circumcision of a neonate is a
>low-risk procedure. The most common complications are easily
>treatable local infections and bleeding, which both occur after 0.
Pity. Pity. Fraid so.
>1 to
>1 percent of procedures. Most complications of circumcision can be
>traced to poor technique or inexperience.
Pity. Soorree. Bullshit!
> Over the past 45 years,
>four deaths of neonates have been attributed to circumcision.
Not any time soon! Pathetic really.
> During
>the same period, more than 11,000 uncircumcised men died from penile
>cancer."
>
>
>I hope this clears a few things up.
>
>- Robi
>
>--
>These are my opinions only.
Crap. Fraid so. Pathetic really.
> To send me email, remove
>".
Not any time soon!
>delete.this.to.email.me" from my address above.
>
Barking mad!
(*** This article was artificially generated using rodbot v1.1 ***)
<-- end example
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
#################################################################
# "rodbot"
# A program to simulate the style of rod speed in aus.politics
# This script is for entertainment and educational purposes only.
# Original concept, versions 1.0 and 1.1 by David Moss.
# "rodbot" was released into the public domain on 19th June 1997
# Please e-mail modified versions to David at d-m...@adfa.oz.au
#################################################################
# configurable variables ########################################
$version = "1.1"; # version number
$inputfile = 'indata'; # default input file
$outputfile = 'rodspeak'; # default output file
$talkative = 5; # set how often rodbot responds (1 .. 10)
$insultlength = 3; # maximum insults per response
# list of responses - add any new speedisms to the end
$rod[1] = 'Fraid so.';
$rod[2] = 'Pig\'s arse!';
$rod[3] = 'Crap.';
$rod[4] = 'Soorree.'; # spelling corrected in v1.1
$rod[5] = 'Nope.';
$rod[6] = 'Pity.';
$rod[7] = 'Fantasy.';
$rod[8] = 'Ditto.';
$rod[9] = 'Gets sillier by the minute.';
$rod[10] = 'Welp.';
$rod[11] = 'Pathetic really.';
$rod[12] = 'Corse it is!';
$rod[13] = 'Bullshit!';
$rod[14] = 'Barking mad!'; # suggested by Stan Rosenthal
$rod[15] = 'Not any time soon!'; # suggested by Stan Rosenthal
# end of response list
# end of configurable variables ###################################
srand(); #Randomise the answers - just like rod does !
if ($#ARGV < 1){ # see if we have an input and output file
print "normal usage: \"rodbot <inputfile> <outputfile>\"\n";
}
else {
$inputfile = $ARGV[0];
if ($ARGV[1]) {$outputfile = $ARGV[1];
}
}
open (ARTICLE, "<$inputfile") || die "Can't open input file: $inputfile $!";
open (ROD,">$outputfile") || die "Can't open output file: $outputfile $!";
print "rodbot v$version is now processing $inputfile to $outputfile\n";
while (<ARTICLE>) {
$inputline = $_;
$inputline = ">".$inputline;
$insult="";
if ($inputline =~ /\./ && int(rand(10)+1) < $talkative) {
for ($x=int(rand($insultlength)+1); $x>0; $x--){
$insult = $insult." $rod[int(rand($#rod)+1)]";
}
$inputline =~ s/\./\.\n\n$insult\n\n>/;
}
print ROD "$inputline";
}
print ROD "\n$rod[int(rand($#rod)+1)]\n"; # one parting shot
print ROD "\n\n(*** This article was artificially generated using rodbot v$version ***)\n"; # let the world know its not the real rod !
close ARTICLE;
close ROD;
print "processing completed\n\n";
Hel's -Synic-
On 19 May 97 03:15:52 GMT, a...@ccadfa.cc.adfa.oz.au (David Moss) did
cunningly address to aus.politics..
:#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$rod[16] = 'I think thats actually called democracy or something funky like
that.'
$rod[17] = 'Careful you dont go blind now.'
$rod[18] = 'Keep digging.'
$rod[19] = 'Chanting this pathetic little mantra wont make it come true
boy.'
$rod[20] = 'Who cares ?'
:# end of response list
:
:# end of configurable variables ###################################
-- _ ___ _ _ _
_oo__ |_|_ |__ _ | | _ |_|_' _ mailto:sy...@omen.com.au
//`'\_ | (/_|(/_| | |_(_|| | || | http://www.omen.com.au/~synic
/ aus.politics Who's Who: http://www.omen.com.au/~synic/pol/whoswho.htm