Chittering
L. Futplex McCarthy
$ If it doesn't have singing and dancing, Don Knotts or Dean Jones in
$ the starring role is good enough qualification. Also Haley Mills but
$ only if the movie stars "Haley Mills _and_ Haley Mills!" (unless she
$ played twins in one of the porn movies she did).
Howzabout "Starring: Hayley Mills
with Special Guest Star Hayley Mills" ?
It's bad enough that one-shot productions such as movies have Guest Stars.
It's downright ridiculous that they have Special Guest Stars.
-Mckibo "Every day I say I'll try, to make my heart be still -- till every
way there is to cry ourselves to sleep, we will. Every day...
Every day...You know I try so hard" -Phil Collins
Jay C Jachimiak
> Jay C Jachimiak at Control writes:
> $ -Jay
> $ jay...@panix.com in NYC
> $ the "c" stands for "chittering"
>
> Shouldn't that read:
> -Jay
> jay...@panix.com in NYC
> the "c" stands for "control"
> no, my first name ain't "baby"
> it's "Jay"
> -- Mr. Jachimiak if you're nasty
You have a valid point there. But in this case, since the few people
who ever do call me "baby" know what my first name is, it seems
unnecessary to mention it. Also, I prefer that nasty people simply call
me "Mr.", and my middle name is really "Charisma".
-Jay
refer to aforementioned sig above
Daniel Gordon Frank
>$ only if the movie stars "Haley Mills _and_ Haley Mills!"
>Howzabout "Starring: Hayley Mills
> with Special Guest Star Hayley Mills" ?
As far as I know, Ms. Mills's long career has not included a picture
with such credits. The only way I can imagine such a credit-line
would be if they did a movie about one of the _Parent Trap_ twins
and the other appeared for only ten minutes or something.
>It's bad enough that one-shot productions such as movies have Guest Stars.
>It's downright ridiculous that they have Special Guest Stars.
It just means that the Guest Star is a big-shot in the eyes of whoever's
in charge. I saw an old Columbo (which are technically movies) where
Patrick McNee of the Avengers was a special guest star. [He didn't do it.
Robert Vaughn did.]
--
danf...@cs.utexas.edu Daniel Frank
American Zen Koan #52: How bad would _Police Academy 8_ have to
be to cause Bubba Smith to decline to appear in it?
Daniel Gordon Frank
Michele Eden Tepper <mi...@umich.edu> wrote:
>Daniel Gordon Frank <danf...@cs.utexas.edu> wrote:
>>Michele Eden Tepper <mi...@umich.edu> wrote:
>>>Daniel Gordon Frank <danf...@cs.utexas.edu> wrote:
>>>>If it doesn't have singing and dancing, Don Knotts or Dean Jones in
>>>>the starring role is good enough qualification.
>>>Wholesome Family Entertainment through some sicko Don Knotts Transitivity
>>>Principle. ^^^^^^^^^^^
> ^^^^^^^^^
>>Don Knotts was not in a starring role in _Three's Company_. A wacky
>>landlord is by definition not the star of a show. Hence the failure of
>>_The Ropers_ spin-off, no star since the alleged star played the
>>role of a wacky landlord.
>Hey, hey, read a little bit more carefully! I said "Don Knotts
>Transitivity Principle!"
Just 'cause you stick in the word "Transitivity" or any other logic buzz word
doesn't mean you're right. I could've responded with "No, Modus Ponens
and Modus Tolens takes care of that" but it wouldn't contribute anything
to the conversation.
>The way I figured it, someone would work out a
>syllogism that allowed for Don Knotts's wacky sidekick/landlord roles to
>allow a show to count as Wholesome Family Entertainment. And then,
>there'd be *real* trouble.
I will construct a syllogism based on the facts that I have put forth to
show that no one can prove that _Three's Company_ is family entertainment
_just based on what I've said_.
Statement Reason
1) For all shows/movies, if Don Knotts is in the 1) Given
starring role in the show/movie or Dean Jones is in
the starring role in the show/movie, then the show/movie
is Wholesome Family Entertainment
2) For all shows/movies, for all people, if someone 2) Given
plays the role of the wacky landlord in the show/movie,
he/she is not in the starring role of the show/movie.
3) Dean Jones is not in a starring role in _Three's 3) Given
Company_.
4) Don Knotts plays the role of a wacky landlord in 4) Given
_Three's Company_.
5) For all people, if someone plays the role of the 5) Universal
wacky landlord in _Three's Company_, he/she is not Instantiation
in the starring role of _Three's Company_ (2)
6) If Don Knotts plays the role of the wacky landlord 5) Universal
in _Three's Company_, Don Knotts is not in the starring Instantiation
role of _Three's Company_. (5)
7) Don Knotts is not in the starring role of _Three's 6) Modus Ponens
Company_. (4) (6)
8) If Don Knotts is in the starring role in _Three's 8) Universal
_Company_ or Dean Jones is in the starring role in Instantiation
_Three's Company_, then _Three's Company_ is Wholesome (1)
Family Entertainment.
9) Don Knotts is not in the starring role of _Three's 9) Conjunction
Company_ and Dean Jones is not in the starring role (3), (7)
of _Three's Company_.
10) It is not the case that Don Knotts is in the 10) DeMorgan's
starring role of _Three's Company_ or that Dean Jones Rule (9)
is in the starring role of _Three's Company_.
Here the proof falls short. I have proved the inverse of the premise of
statement #8. As students of logic or those that know what Transitivity
means know, this does not prove the inverse of the the conclusion that
_Three's Company_ is Wholesome Family Entertainment. Basically my
statements don't prove or disprove anything on this matter. If someone
wants to challenge the truth of the given statements, fine. However
nothing can be proved by them alone.
>(anybody wanna try? I have to go move a file cabinet...)
I'm starting school tomorrow. I haveta sharpen pencils and file
my Trapper Keeper with loose-leaf. Yet I took the time.
Lee Rudolph
>I will construct a syllogism
...
No, you won't. (Anyway, you didn't.)
> Statement Reason
>
>1) For all shows/movies, if Don Knotts is in the 1) Given
>starring role in the show/movie or Dean Jones is in
>the starring role in the show/movie, then the show/movie
>is Wholesome Family Entertainment
....
>10) It is not the case that Don Knotts is in the 10) DeMorgan's
>starring role of _Three's Company_ or that Dean Jones Rule (9)
>is in the starring role of _Three's Company_.
Followups to alt.fraternities.sorites, please.
Lee Rudolph
Daniel Gordon Frank
>danf...@cs.utexas.edu (Daniel Gordon Frank) writes:
>>I will construct a syllogism
You're right. I was misled by Ms. Tepper's use of the word syllogism.
I did not construct a syllogism. I did however construct a proof based
on the rigorous rules of Sentential and Predicate Calculus. Until it
fell short of proving or disproving the matter of whether _Three's
Company_ is Wholesome Family Entertainment. This however was the point
of the exercise, to show that my given premises had nothing to say
on the matter.
>> Statement Reason
>>
>>1) For all shows/movies, if Don Knotts is in the 1) Given
>>starring role in the show/movie or Dean Jones is in
>>the starring role in the show/movie, then the show/movie
>>is Wholesome Family Entertainment
>....
>
>>10) It is not the case that Don Knotts is in the 10) DeMorgan's
>>starring role of _Three's Company_ or that Dean Jones Rule (9)
>>is in the starring role of _Three's Company_.
>Followups to alt.fraternities.sorites, please.
My newsreader sez it doesn't exist. So I cross-posted to the the fraternity
hierarchy.
Rich Holmes
>In article <CvEE6...@umassd.edu>, Lee Rudolph <rud...@cis.umassd.edu> wrote:
>>danf...@cs.utexas.edu (Daniel Gordon Frank) writes:
>>>I will construct a syllogism
>>No, you won't. (Anyway, you didn't.)
>
>You're right. I was misled by Ms. Tepper's use of the word syllogism.
All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
--
- Rich "Will Quote Calligraphic Buttons for Food" Holmes
Of course it's daft, it's traditional.
- Terry Pratchett
Lupus Yonderboy
>As far as I know, Ms. Mills's long career has not included a picture
>with such credits. The only way I can imagine such a credit-line
>would be if they did a movie about one of the _Parent Trap_ twins
>and the other appeared for only ten minutes or something.
I really hate that movie. It's so embarassing to watch, I mean,
the right hand Haley Mills was SUCH a better actor than the
left hand Haley Mills.
-- L. Yonderboy
The Scream (Edvard Munch)
Bruce Ediger
>
>the right hand Haley Mills was SUCH a better actor than the
>left hand Haley Mills.
My sister has this theory that the two Patty Dukes in "THe Patty Duke Show"
were actually _two_ different people. She cites as evidence the semi
french pun 'pas de deux' in relationship to the name of the alleged
single actress 'Patti Duke'. She says you can believe the Warren Commission
or you can believe the laws of physics: she calls it The Single Actress
Theory.
Daniel Gordon Frank
I disagree. Hayley Mills made both of her characters come alive. I think
she should have gotten a special Academy Award for that role. Similar
to Shirley Temple's little Oscar or Charlie McCarthy's wooden Oscar,
the gimmick would be _two_ Oscars.
Daniel Gordon Frank
>>Fine but I never made any of these claims.
>Did I say you had made these claims? When did I say you made these
>claims, Mr Paranoid? No.
This whole thing started when you responded to my addition of the
definition of Wholesome Family Entertainment ("a Don Knotts starring
role is a sufficient condition to qualify something as Wholesome Family
Entertainment"). You stated that my claim would lead to a proof that
_Three's Company_ is WFE. You've apparently switched your claim somewhere
between posts.
> I said I feared for the future of the
>civilized world if *someone* -- oh, let's say Lex Luthor so we're talking
>on a level the entire audience can understand -- were able to complete
>the final step in this proof.
And I've tried to show you that 1) the statements you give aren't enough
and 2) it is reasonable at some point to object to assumptions that
need to be made to complete the proof, especially since these assumptions
assume what is being proved. [Ted, what's the fancy Latin phrase for that?]
> Do me the kindness not to shrilly
>monger failure until it's been tried.
I haven't tried walking through walls either [Well, once I did but I was full
of bourbon] but I suspect I wouldn't succeed at that either.
>No one had ever been able to give butter
>life, either, but. . . (100 virtual dollars and my undying respect to the
>person who can identify the source of that last comment)
You're referring to the movie _The Graduate_ starring Dustin Hoffman, Anne
Bancroft (Mrs. Harvey Korman), Don Knotts, Harlan Ellison, and Robert
DeNiro as the butter monster.
[I read an interview in _Starlog_ where Burt Ward claimed that he almost
got the starring role in _The Graduate_.]
>> Hence (1) is the faulty
>>claim. Which is WHY I NEVER MADE IT. Trust me on occassion.
>I never said you made it. It's not you I mistrust, Mr Big Shot With His
>Fancy Logic Words.
See above about what started this subthread. If you're worried about
someone else, that's all the more reason to learn basic logic so that
no one can bamboozle you. A logic-knowing nation is a vigilant nation.
Always check the proofs. Always question the assumptions/hand-wavings.
Don't run with scissors. Don't track mud on my nice clean floors. Early
to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Good night
and God bless.
Rich Holmes
>This does not make Opie a victim of society. It makes Opie a victim of Andy.
>
>If you are implying here that Opie was a victim of society, are you
>willing to also claim that all the children who believed in Snuffelupagus
>before any adults saw him were also victims of society?
This is what's so frightening about Don Knotts and Three's
Company. Suppose Lex Luthor is able to complete the proof that:
(1) Don Knotts was on Andy Griffith; (2) Andy Griffith was wholesome
family entertainment; (3) Don Knotts was on Three's Company; (4)
therefore Three's Company was wholesome family entertainment.
Then he will undoubtedly be able to complete the following proof using
similar logic:
(1) Opie was believed in the telephone pole repair guy; (2) Children
who believe in the telephone pole repair guy are victims of society;
(3) Some children believed in Snuffelupagus; (4) therefore some
children are victims of society.
The tragedy here is hidden beneath the innocuous word "some". "Some",
in this case, means millions. With one stroke of logical inference,
Lex Luthor could render millions of children (or ex-children) victims
of society, thereby crippling the psyches of an entire generation and
destroying America -- and all because Don Knotts was second banana on
Three's Company.
He must be stopped.
--
- Rich Holmes
Don Music
Daniel Gordon Frank <danf...@cs.utexas.edu> wrote:
>In article <343h1v$a...@lastactionhero.rs.itd.umich.edu>,
>Michele Eden Tepper <mi...@umich.edu> wrote:
>> I said I feared for the future of the
>>civilized world if *someone* -- oh, let's say Lex Luthor so we're talking
>>on a level the entire audience can understand -- were able to complete
>>the final step in this proof.
>
>And I've tried to show you that 1) the statements you give aren't enough
>and 2) it is reasonable at some point to object to assumptions that
>need to be made to complete the proof, especially since these assumptions
>assume what is being proved. [Ted, what's the fancy Latin phrase for that?]
Habeas corpus.
>You're referring to the movie _The Graduate_ starring Dustin Hoffman, Anne
>Bancroft (Mrs. Harvey Korman), Don Knotts, Harlan Ellison, and Robert
>DeNiro as the butter monster.
Anne Bancroft is married to Buck Henry, not Harvey Korman, who is better
known for his horror movies and Doritos commercials in the late 1970's.
>[I read an interview in _Starlog_ where Burt Ward claimed that he almost
>got the starring role in _The Graduate_.]
Ronald Reagan almost got the lead role in Casblanca. And he was a DKE!
--
---
THIS IS MY SIGNATURE. IS IT SEPTEMBER YET? :-) :-)
^Z^Z
Bruce Ediger
>Ronald Reagan almost got the lead role in Casblanca. And he was a DKE!
How can this be true? Ronald Reagan is well known as a herterosexual
_male_! You cannot be a DKE if you are mail!
Sincerely,
Bruce (Herterosexual Male) Ediger
John Krueger
>I haven't tried walking through walls either [Well, once I did but I was full
>of bourbon] but I suspect I wouldn't succeed at that either.
Perhaps that is where your problem comes from, extensive research has shown
that bourbon and walls cannot coexist in the same place at the same time.
Stick with beer.
>Don't run with scissors. Don't track mud on my nice clean floors. Early
>to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Good night
Early to rise and early to bed makes a man wise and wealthy and dead.
---
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer : If you agree with the above opinions you're crazier than I am.
kru...@cs.hope.edu * John Krueger * Just a hitchhiker on the info-highway.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rich Holmes
>Mr Holmes, I see you and I think in similar ways. I think we could do
>business.
Fifty bucks, same as in town.
jeff line
(Rich Holmes) wrote:
> In article <343h1v$a...@lastactionhero.rs.itd.umich.edu> mi...@umich.edu (Michele Eden Tepper) writes:
>
> >This does not make Opie a victim of society. It makes Opie a victim of Andy.
Didn't George Harrison say that Opie is the religion of the people, or
something like that?
-jeff
Rich Holmes
>Rich Holmes (rsho...@gamera.syr.EDU) wrote:
>: In article <3464lm$h...@lastactionhero.rs.itd.umich.edu> mi...@umich.edu (Michele Eden Tepper) writes:
>
>: >Mr Holmes, I see you and I think in similar ways. I think we could do
>: >business.
>
>: Fifty bucks, same as in town.
>
>
>In "Night Court," they often used the "$50, same as in town" punchline as someone was just walking in the door. I'm curious as to the entire joke. Anyone know it?
Oh, this is just too beautiful. A frat boy with a SIG-FROM-HELL and
great unclarity on the concept of the RETURN key wants the "$50, same
as in town" joke told to him.
Go ahead, good people. A case of virtual beer to whoever posts the
most creative, longest, and most pointless joke with the above
punchline to a.c.f/a.f.s. Anyone caught posting the real joke will be
beaten with morris sticks.
>--
>+--------------------------------- --- --- ---- -+
>| Frank Murphy \\ // _||_ |
>| mur...@cs.ucdavis.edu \\ // /_||_\ |
>| )X( ((_||_))|
>| // \\ \_||_/ |
>| // \\ || |
>+--------------------------------- --- --- ---- -+
>
I dunno where Frank got that X-shaped IUD, but there's no way it's
gonna fit into that VAV.
--
*/\/\/\/\/\* fnord. *"I..." - N. Peart* * o=|=====> / * VR O INGSI! *
?| |? O ! O ? "SometimesWithA ? * * ?K#:1 // ? _ \ _ _/-_|\ ?
*| |*O !O *QuoteFromMe"- him* * * \\ // * (_)/ (_) | | ?
?| O O |? O! O?|<||3() |S G()|)!? WPI 77 ? \X/-'-,-@ PERTH-->*_-__/ ?
Francis Joseph Murphy
: --
: - Rich Holmes
In "Night Court," they often used the "$50, same as in town" punchline as someone was just walking in the door. I'm curious as to the entire joke. Anyone know it?
--
Matt Welsh
>Go ahead, good people. A case of virtual beer to whoever posts the
>most creative, longest, and most pointless joke with the above
>punchline to a.c.f/a.f.s. Anyone caught posting the real joke will be
>beaten with morris sticks.
How much for a Morris Stick Beating if I DON'T post the real joke?
mdw [So this Zen Buddhist walks into a pizza joint and says,
"$50, same as in town!"]
Tom Stockman
: Oh, this is just too beautiful. A frat boy with a SIG-FROM-HELL and
: great unclarity on the concept of the RETURN key wants the "$50, same
: as in town" joke told to him.
: Go ahead, good people. A case of virtual beer to whoever posts the
: most creative, longest, and most pointless joke with the above
: punchline to a.c.f/a.f.s. Anyone caught posting the real joke will be
: beaten with morris sticks.
Well, Ethel & I were gassin' up-down at the corner Esso when it
happened.
A big ol' Caddy flew by. I caught a glimpse of a big, black leather
jacket, greased black hair, and thought I recognized the profile.
"Ethel!" I shouted. "Did joo see that?"
"Yes!" she gasped. "That sneer was unmistakable! It could only've
been the King!"
I released the handle & pulled the spigot out so quick, gas flew
through the air & spattered the car behind me.
"Sorry!" I blurted, as I bolted toward the cashier. It wasn't true.
I didn't even look at the gal fillin' up her car.
Slim was workin' the register, helpin' someone else. I slapped down
a ten, and told him I'd get the change later.
"Gotta go! Elvis just drove by, and Ethel 'n' me have gotta catch
him!"
I paid no attention at his quick laugh, and his shouted reply. "Ya
sure it wasn't James Dean? They both got that curl to their lip,
y'know!"
I sprinted back. The Corvair laid down a couple tracks of rubber
as we took off in pursuit. As soon as we saw him, we both knew we
had to find him.
Y'see, Ethel & me've been the local laughin' stocks, ever since we
reported seein' him in 7 years before, down at the laundromat. It's
been in the paper every year, on the anniversary of the day we saw him.
Just our luck to've talked to that reporter on March 30th; it
made the front page on April 1, 1987.
We kept our eyes peeled as we sped through town. Just when I was
about to double back for another pass, Ethel pointed left.
"There! In front of the bank!" she said, just as I sped by 14th
street.
I turned around in the alley halfway up the block. As we got back
to 14th and started to turn, he walked quickly down the front steps
of the bank; I stopped the car because the Caddy was pointed our way.
It was him, all right. He jumped in, and the driver gunned the engine.
I backed up around the corner. The Caddy sped toward us, then turned
right; I took off right behind him.
I didn't think Elvis'd spotted us. The limo changed lanes a couple of
times to get through traffic (not a big problem in a small town, but
it was 4:45 in the afternoon, so some cars were on the road), but
wasn't goin' fast enough to be tryin' to shake us. I maintained
discreet following distance. I knew if I spooked him, the Caddy
would outrun us, even though the Corvair had the 140 HP package.
We followed him out of town. The highway had just enough cars I
could follow without tippin' our hand.
Ethel 'n' me started talkin' a bit as the miles ticked away. We
started wondering if we we doin' the right thing...if maybe we
should just let the King alone, since that's what it seemed like
he wanted. Then the Caddy pulled into a mostly empty gas station.
We slowed way down, then turned in ourselves. I knew the place.
I'd been tradin' beers with the owner's son for a few monthes, down
at the Bus Stop lounge, watchin' the strippers. In fact, I'd told
the Elvis story to him just two nights before.
(I was tryin' to shut him up, 'cause he was talkin' 'bout some
strange computer network he'd found since he started college, but
it didn't work. I sure drank a lot more beers than usual as
that night wore on.)
The Caddy came to a stop, and some big guy got out the back door of
the car. Not the King, but this guy wore a black leather jacket, too.
I slowly pulled up to the garage.
"I'll pretend to make a phone call," I told Ethel. "Wait here. Or,
I guess you could check out the maps. Jus' be sure to keep your
eye on the limo, an' your mouth shut."
As Ethel 'n' me passed the car, the driver got out, too. Funny, I
thought, I saw the back seat through his door, and noone else was in
it. I'm pretty sure Ethel saw it, too.
I headed toward the back of the station. As I passed the office, I
saw Joe, the son, sittin' in the chair. He saw me too, so I stopped
in the doorway. I could hear Ethel start to make small talk in the
front. I hoped she'd be careful 'bout what she said.
Joe was pretty fired up too, and started to talk.
"Hey! You know what you said the other night, about seein' Elvis?
Well, I told you 'bout that there Internet stuff, right? And about
how you kin ask the 'Oracle' questions, and you said I should ask
about the King? Well I did.
"And it just answered! You got here just in time! Lemme see...is
it 'r' to read? Damn. No, it's 'r' to reply, and I'm still on the
previous post. Gimme a minute..."
As he started tappin' keys, something on the radio on his desk
caught my ear.
"...the robbery occurred just 20 minutes ago. According to an
eye witness, an armed man dressed in a halloween mask got away
with between five and ten thousand in cash, and drove off in
a Cadillac. Off the agricultural desk, pig hoof futures are
up fifty, and out at the new fertilizer plant..."
My eyes grew round as I realized what we'd seen. I tried to be
nonchalant as I glanced back out into the station.
Ethel was walkin' out, right in front of the big guy. Joe stopped
mumbling, and spoke up.
"This is it! I asked the Oracle...I asked the Oracle...here it is."
I saw Ethel speak back over her shoulder to the big guy.
"O wise Oracle, who ranks even above the mighty Kibo in the pantheon
of the Cyberspace, I saw Elvis seven years ago, right in the
laundromat on Seventh & Spruce. Please tell me when I'll see him
again."
As Joe spoke, Ethel started to walk past the Caddy, with that big guy
still right behind her. Suddenly, he opened the back door and grabbed
Ethel! And pulled her into the car!
It peeled out, and all I could do was stand and watch, with my big
mouth hangin' wide open!
And Joe kept right on talkin'.
"Lesse...thus spake...spake?...thus spake the Oracle...Answer unclear,
try again later. You owe the Oracle $50, just like in town.
"Huh! Kin you beat that?"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Tom Stockman to...@ihs.com
...if the important thing in life is happiness,
we're gonna need a lot more beer.
- Willie 'n' Ethel