DEWF Thursday Thunder for 4/25/96!!! (Part One)
The Undertaker
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(We open on Joey Styles in Da Ring. The usual bunch of psychotic f**ks
are in attendance. :))
Styles: I'M JOEY STYLES AND I WANT TO WELCOME YOU BACK TO THE DEWF
ARENA!!!! (PopZilla) We've got one holy hell of a card for you tonight,
fans -
Hakushi takes on the man who injured him at Rumble In The Jungle,
Shinjiro Otani! Otani will have Tiger Jeet Singh in his corner, Hakushi
will have "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in his!
"The Human Suplex Machine" Taz and "Macho Man" Randy Savage will take on
Toshiaki Kawada and Shinya Hashimoto of The Eastern Edition, who will
have Tiger Jeet Singh in their corner. Who will Taz and "The Macho Man"
have in *their* corner? It's the return to the DEWF Arena of "The Psycho
Yuppie" himself, Paul E. Dangerously!
Vader makes his *official* DEWF Arena debut as he faces the man who
threw him out of the Extreme Rumble - "Awesome" Mike Awesome!
The Giant, along with HIS new manager, Eric Bischoff, defends his newly
won DEWF Intercontinental title against "Psycho" Sid of The Dangerous
Alliance!
Newly arrived from the AEWA, The Super Blonde (oy gevault) takes on a
man who hasn't been seen in the DEWF since The Undertaker tombstoned him
through three tables, "The Enforcer" Arn Anderson!
We'll have words from the new/old/whatever World Tag Team Champions, The
Public Enemy!
And the newly crowned DEWF World's Heavyweight Champion, 911, will
defend his newly won title against the one and only "Nature Boy" Ric
Flair!
(cut back to Styles)
Styles: Let's get to it!
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Hakushi (w/ "Rowdy" Roddy Piper) vs. Shinjiro Otani (w/ Tiger Jeet Singh)
This match never even got started. Piper and Hakushi started fighting
with Singh and Otani before the bell even rung. It took the entire
Jobber Brigade and most of the security force to pry the two teams
apart. *No contest*
This will get ugly between these two teams, friends.
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(back to Joey at the DEWF logo)
Styles: Next up we have "The Human Suplex Machine" Taz and his partner
"The Macho Man" Randy Savage as *they* take on two more representatives
of The Eastern Edition, Toshiaki Kawada and Shinya Hashimoto. This is
one that figured in one of the more bizarre moments of Rumble In The
Jungle - the return of Paul E. Dangerously!
(roll vid clip. Bill Alfonso is down and Tiger Jeet Singh is a'puttin'
the boots to him)
Styles: How could Singh DO that to Alfonso in front of his mother??
Poor old lady!
Piper: (Realization dawning) Believe me, Joey - that is no lady!
Styles: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT???
Piper: DOWN boy! (laughs) You'll see what I mean!
(Alfonso's "Mama" stands up as 911 hits the ring and takes out Kawada
and Hashimoto with a double chokeslam - and NAILS Tiger with a home run
swing, courtesy of a - cellular phone????)
Styles: THAT'S PAUL E!!!!
Piper: See? (Laughing like hell) What'd I tell ya?
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"The Human Suplex Machine" Taz and "The Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/ Paul
E. Dangerously) vs. The Eastern Edition (Toshiaki Kawada and Shinya
Hashimoto w/ Tiger Jeet Singh)
Singh led his men down to ringside first, waving that huge motherlovin'
cutlass around. Singh threatened the ring announcer first, then the
official, and appeared to be ready to go after Joey Styles!
That lasted about two seconds until "Thunderkiss '65" blared over the PA
and down came Taz and Savage - who did Road Warrior slides into the ring
and were all over Hashimoto and Kawada REAL quick!
For all of about two minutes until Taz got hit with a double Enzoogory
(tm, Dok Hendrix) and was forced to tag out to "The Macho Man".
For the next ten minutes solid, Savage fought like, well, a savage but
was worn down by the steady double teaming of Hashimoto and Kawada.
Then, Kawada slammed Savage and tagged out to Hashimoto, who went up top
and tried a flying headbutt - and MISSED!
Savage wasted NO time in making the hot tag to Taz who came in A House On
Fire (tm)!
Taz spent the next three minutes turning Hashimoto into goat cheese via
actual wrestling moves annnnnnnd Greco Roman Foreign Objects To The Head
(tm, Bobby Heenan).
Things got desperate enough that Kawada and Hashimoto actually tried to
double team Taz. While Hashimoto held Taz in a back suplex position,
Kawada superkicked Taz - who turned over in mid-air, turning the back
suplex into a cross bodyblock.
Hashimoto was quicker to his feet, however, and tagged out to Kawada.
Hashimoto back suplexed Taz - who was hit with, mockingly, by Savage's
own patented Big Elbow from the top rope by Kawada!
*That* was real bright.
Savage took it as the insult it was meant to be and stormed into the
ring, cleaning house with wicked right hands while Taz took turns
savate kicking Kawada and Hashimoto!
It was just a straight, good old fashioned Swanson and Ritner style
brawl from there. Referee John Finnegan gave up any pretense of trying
to settle it down to two men in the ring at one time *very* quickly.
The end came at about the nineteen minute mark when Singh got entirely
too frustrated for his own good and entered the ring looking to carve
him up some Savage with that cutlass of his.
As he reared back to swing - the sword was *yanked* from his hands by
Paul E! Taz gave Singh a *nasty* Enzoogory (tm, Dok Hendrix), which sent
him flying over the top rope.
Kawada came rampaging in to avenge his manager - and ran RIGHT into a
TazPlex! Say goodnight, Toshiaki! (match time - 20:52)
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Styles: As good as that match was, you can bet it won't be the last
meeting between Taz, Savage and The Eastern Edition! Fans, next up it is
VADER TIME!
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Vader (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. Mike Awesome
This match, as Joey might put it, was a "receipt" for Awesome throwing
Vader out of the Extreme Rumble for the DEWF Heavyweight Title. Really.
It was gruesome. You have no idea. Truly.
After being folded, spindled and mutilated by Vader for seven and a half
minutes, Awesome was finally put away by a big ol' Vader Bomb.
(match time: 8:02)
What was interesting was *after* the match!
Awesome, in typical fashion, was taking the loss somewhat less than
gracefully. He waffled Vader *hard* with a chairshot from behind,
dropping Vader like a rock.
This is when things got *really* interesting!
As Awesome was putting the boots to Vader - here came Sandman, who had
been turned into a grease stain by Vader and Diesel at RITJ. Awesome
invited Sandman to take a swing at the half-conscious Vader. Sandman
took a swing, alright - at Awesome!
Sandman just TEED the f**k off on Awesome with that Singapore Cane. For
the first time since anybody has seen either of them, Vader and Ellering
were in shock!
After he gave Awesome one last shot with the cane, Sandman turned to
Vader - and flashed that "V for Vader" sign and left, laughing like
hell!
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(Crowd is going nuclear)
Styles: I *KNEW* the real Sandman would be im there somewhere! (Sandman
joins Joey)
Sandman: (slugs down a beer) What's up, Joey? (laughs like hell) I bet I
can guess! Well, here's your answer. I'm no damned coward, but even I
can only get my ass kicked so many times before I wise the hell up. REAL
simple - (slugs a beer, lights a cigarette, and growls between clenched
teeth) It's Vader time! (leaves)
Styles: Fans, we're going to take a short break and then be back with
The Giant defending his newly won IC strap against "Psycho" Sid!
(fade to a commercial for Brian Pillman's hotline)