GIANT H OLYMPICS
James Kibo Parry
I would have said I volunteer to referee them, but I'm not sure how to
spell referee right now.
All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
Example:
"Hi, my name's Brent Bleb, and my GIANT H is six feet wide, four feet
long, and made entirely of crisp bacon. By waving it back and forth for
a few hours I hope to attract myopic dogs which will tear my enemies to
bits before they attack me."
ALL CONTESTANTS MUST TAKE A URINE-VS-ZIMA TEST.
-- K.
Matt McIrvin
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My Giant H is six stories tall, and it is operated entirely by my
amazing robot, who is your basic Giant Mecha only he's in black and
white and has a weird carrot-shaped nose. Anyway, he fights my
enemies by asking them what they want and then leaving the room when
triangles appear on their foreheads and the lighting gets really
dark and they ask him to leave. What this ENTIRELY ORIGINAL!!!!!!
NOT RIPPED OFF FROM ANYWHERE!!!!!! means of defeat has to do with
the giant H is beyond me, and it never seems to accomplish much.
But at least the H is pretty damn big.
--
Matt 01234567 <-- Indent-o-Meter
McIrvin ^ Tab damage will make the deserts bloom!
brent jackson
\\ Example:
\\ "Hi, my name's Brent Bleb, and my GIANT H is six feet wide, four feet
\\ long, and made entirely of crisp bacon. By waving it back and forth for
\\ a few hours I hope to attract myopic dogs which will tear my enemies to
\\ bits before they attack me."
hi, my name is brent jackson, and my giant h is made entirely of a
synthetic compuound called plexifut, made of elvis' belly button lint, spam
yellow pez, and a zecret ingredient. when my opponent attacks m it reforms
in the shape of a blezmogon (in 5 dimensions) and the angel of death comes
through the singularity in the center driving his jetblack convertible
el camino and whisks away his immortal soul and his spleen. ha!
\\ ALL CONTESTANTS MUST TAKE A URINE-VS-ZIMA TEST.
cool! just like those blind taste tests pepsi and coke used to have!
-brent
Eddie Saxe
9.0 X 10^-12 parsecs wide. It has fourteen krypton LASERs, 4 sonic
disrupters, 2 PPCs, an Uzi-shaped watergun, and twenty-seven heat sinks.
it has 13 tonnes of ferro-fibrous armor for defense, and has a high-
powered turret-mounted gun that shoots admantanium-plated circular saws
at minor annoyances, like M1 Abrams. At full power, it will be an
unasaultable behemoth of RAW POWER.
Just as soon as I find 27,498,413 size "B" batteries.
Eddie
--
Free Tibet! ...with three Red Army proof of purchases.
M. Scott Ramming
brent jackson <b...@cs.brown.edu> wrote:
> cool! just like those blind taste tests pepsi and coke used to have!
But I could never tell them apart after I added Taco Bell Mild Sauce(tm)
(the more peppery of the two, even if it is black pepper) to Pepsi(tm)
and Taco Bell Hot Sauce(tm) to Coke(tm). Adirondack Blueberry Soda is
much more fun.
~ibo
--
Scott Ramming
Somerville MA 02145
(aka m...@cra-bos.mhs.compuserve.com
and sram...@mit.edu)
suppressive person
Hola, my name, Jose' Jime'nez. My giant H ees very beeg, made from
flour tortillas, fried to a golden crisp, garneeshed with freshly made
guacamole and salsa picada, and serves ocho thousand! Unfortunadamen-
te, een Spaneesh, the H ees not pronounced.
5150
"es muda," he said sadly.
--
The day i tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs
And i learned that i was a liar
Just like you
David Filippi
>I hereby volunteer to moderate the 1994 GIANT H OLYMPICS.
>I would have said I volunteer to referee them, but I'm not sure how to
>spell referee right now.
>
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
Hi!!! Im from HARVARD and Im graduating this June.
My big H will be the one the HARVARD Band uses out on the football field to
scare off all the cheerleaders for the other teams!!! When I hold it up
with a lightbulb, all my opponents will REVOLVE AROUND ME and get real dizzy,
at which point I whack them on the head with the H and make off
"with honors."
This is only good until I stop screwing.
--Dave "call me HARVARD" Filippi
(fili...@scws33.harvard.edu)
Matt McIrvin
David Filippi <fili...@husc8.harvard.edu> wrote:
>
>Hi!!! Im from HARVARD and Im graduating this June.
>My big H will be the one the HARVARD Band uses out on the football field to
>scare off all the cheerleaders for the other teams!!! When I hold it up
>with a lightbulb, all my opponents will REVOLVE AROUND ME and get real dizzy,
>at which point I whack them on the head with the H and make off
>"with honors."
HEY!! get back to work cramming for your exam on Electromagnetism and Life
Lessons from Wise and Witty Crusty but Lovable Bums Played by Joe Pesci!
Sincerely,
your TF, Matt McIrvin
Jeremy Reimer
>I would have said I volunteer to referee them, but I'm not sure how to
>spell referee right now.
It's 'reffferrrreeee'. Hope this helps.
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
[Example deleted]
My giant H is in the shape of a large, wobbly bit of phlegm. All my enemies
will be forced to run to the store to stock up on Kleenex(tm). Then, when
they return to wipe up the mess, I will crush them all with a 16-tonnnne
giant OS/2 CD-ROM.
>ALL CONTESTANTS MUST TAKE A URINE-VS-ZIMA TEST.
Personally, I think urine tastes better.
--
Jeremy "OS/2ibo" Reimer
Completely uninvolved in the Imminent Death of the Net since 1989.
"This is the snobbery of the people on the Mayflower looking down
their noses at the people who came over ON THE SECOND BOAT!"
- Mitch Kapor, on Usenet elitism
Lewis Futplex McCarthy
`H' from the High German alphabet, so that it has plenty of sharp pointy
curlicues which are ideal for picking up litter, roasting gorgonzola kebabs,
and skewering opponents. In addition, my giant `H' has approximately thirty-
five thousand mosquitoes attached to it with angel-hair Bungee cords. I
slather pints of Charlie all over my body before an event, then don a tight-
weave muscle shirt for the actual contest. The results are fairly predictable,
although the rebound effect with the `skeeters is always quite spectacular.
My `H' is composed of 5 family-size sticks of Flesh^H^Hischmann's margarine
(low salt), making my opponents' hands terribly greasy when they come at me
with knives. I've left my giant `H' out in the rain once too often, so it's
rusty all over the top, and most of the sides.
Kibo writes:
0 ALL CONTESTANTS MUST TAKE A URINE-VS-ZIMA TEST.
...which will conclusively prove that there's no Zima in my urine. I've been
clean for several months now !
-Lewis "Friends don't quote friends in .sigs" -me
Rose Marie Holt
Lewis "Futplex" McCarthy <lmcc...@cs.umass.edu> wrote:
>Hello, my name is Lewis `Futplex' McCarthy. My giant `H' is shaped like the
>`H' from the High German alphabet, so that it has plenty of sharp pointy
>curlicues which are ideal for picking up litter, roasting gorgonzola kebabs,
>and skewering opponents. In addition, my giant `H' has approximately thirty-
My giant H is in Headhunter font, about 100 point. It
is quite flexible, but disarticulates easily.
David DeLaney
>ki...@world.std.com writes:
>>I hereby volunteer to moderate the 1994 GIANT H OLYMPICS.
>>I would have said I volunteer to referee them, but I'm not sure how to
>>spell referee right now.
>>
>>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
>
>Hi!!! Im from HARVARD and Im graduating this June.
>My big H will be the one the HARVARD Band uses out on the football field to
>scare off all the cheerleaders for the other teams!!! When I hold it up
>with a lightbulb, all my opponents will REVOLVE AROUND ME and get real dizzy,
>at which point I whack them on the head with the H and make off
>"with honors."
At this point I must hang my head in shame and confess that, due to my not
bein' mechanikally-minded, every time I try to build a giant H in the privacy
of my own home it comes out as a giant L instead. Therefore I do believe I'm
disqualified from the GIANT H OLYMPICS (but may be qualified to sell the
leftover giant Ls to Lenny's ("Denny's!") - oh rats...). But as I'm not
particularly sports-minded either I don't really care (but *do* keep us
posted on the progress of the OLYMPICS - I believe hourly updates are in
order, crossposted to a.r.k and alt.sports.olympics.giant-H...).
Dave "it may have something to do with the positioning of the Walls of Books"
DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney: d...@utkux.utcc.utk.edu; "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. Disclaimer: IMHO; VRbeableFUTPLEX
http://enigma.phys.utk.edu/~dbd for net.legends FAQ+miniFAQs; ftp: cathouse.org
Avrom Faderman
Hi, I'm Avrom Faderman, and my giant H is 900 billion miles long and
weighs (((((10!)!)!)!)!)! pounds. It's so heavy, it will defeat my
opponents by causing the entire universe to collapse, crushing them
like flies.
There's only one flaw in my giant H right now--it doesn't exist. But
I think I've almost got it fixed.
--
Avrom I. Faderman | "...a sufferer is not one who hands
av...@csli.stanford.edu | you his suffering, that you may
Stanford University | touch it, weigh it, bite it like a
CSLI and Dept. of Philosophy | coin..." -Stanislaw Lem
JMHO...@nuacvm.acns.nwu.edu
Instead, I hold my hands as if they were separated by an iron bar about
two feet apart, and grit my teeth a lot. It looks just like I have an
INVISIBLE GIANT H! When my foolish, unhappy competitors try to grab on
to the other end of my GIANT H, their grasping hands close on empty air.
Even though I am holding perfectly still and patiently waiting for them
to grab on, they cannot. Then I tell them that my GIANT H is surrounded
by a field of magic tri-bosons, and cannot be grasped by anyone who is
not worthy. They go insane, and I take all their candy. Do not laugh.
This is what happened to S*RD*R *RG*C!
Jer
jmho...@nwu.edu
John D. Hudson
>At this point I must hang my head in shame and confess that, due to my not
>bein' mechanikally-minded, every time I try to build a giant H in the privacy
>of my own home it comes out as a giant L instead. Therefore I do believe I'm
>disqualified from the GIANT H OLYMPICS (but may be qualified to sell the
>leftover giant Ls to Lenny's ("Denny's!") - oh rats...). But as I'm not
>particularly sports-minded either I don't really care (but *do* keep us
>posted on the progress of the OLYMPICS - I believe hourly updates are in
>order, crossposted to a.r.k and alt.sports.olympics.giant-H...).
>
>Dave "it may have something to do with the positioning of the Walls of Books"
> DeLaney
I think this would qualify you for the GIANT H SPECIAL OLYMPICS.
John "for the H impaired" Hudson
Iain Sinclair
>
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My Giant H is even less cool than the others. It is a printout
of the email addresses of anyone who has ever posted to Usenet,
or read it, arranged in a GIGANTIC H shape. To beat my enemies,
I simply forge mail from the enemies, saying that they are friends
with the other GIANT H, Martin Hannigan, who has ordered to them to SPANK
the recipient off the net, FUCBOY!!!!111 The mail is forged for
every single person on the GIGANTIC H list - manually, each time.
Bruce Ediger
>
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My GIANT H is the least cool of All! It's made out of "Preparation H".
That means it is sticky and gooey and falls apart when you try to lift it
up. I defeat my enemies with it by packing it into their anal pores until
they burst, or give up, whichever comes first.
Jay Paul Chawla
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My Giant H is twenty feet high and made of spirals of that funny concrete
that materials engineers point out can be used to make springs just before
they stain the fronts of their lab smocks. I get it loaded into a C-12
and I stand on the middle bar and jump out with it from 40000 feet and
bounce around saying "You should have known better than to cross Jay Paul
Chawla" until my enemies are all squashed. Then I command the rain to
fall until floods wash everyone who's not standing on a Giant H out to sea
screaming in terror and I say "ha-ha-HA HA HA!!!!"
Sorry, Lord Kibo. Even though this collar around my neck makes me obey
your every command without question, I can't be un-cool. You'll just have
to ignore the guy in the beige jumpsuit who says "NO! You don't know what
that will DO!" and turn the dial on your mind-control machine all the up,
I guess.
KIBO IS... NOT... A WEENIE! I... WANT... TO... LICK... HIS... KEDS!!!
Jay
James Kibo Parry
It's ironic that Solotype's specimen page of the Headhunter font is
missing the "X", given that it's Xibo's favorite font because he once
printed a list of 10,000 skeleton jokes in it.
-- K.
Lupus Yonderboy
Jay Paul Chawla <cha...@wam.umd.edu> wrote:
>James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My Giant H is actually a "schwa" (upside down e) with an umlaut.
The umlaut side is the dangerous side (of course)
--
Alex Suter
asu...@cs.stanford.edu
"We've upped our standards, up yours."
brian w hart
>I would have said I volunteer to referee them, but I'm not sure how to
>spell referee right now.
Hope this makes it IN MASS, ERRR, TIME!!@!
Hello. My name is brian hart and my giant H is shaped like
a giant letter H. My giant H is Spam(tm) powered and is
encrusted with thousands of computer screens. The screens
are constantly displaying artificially generated trolls.
As my enemies approach, they search frantically for a
keyboard so that they can type things like "We will not allow
yourselves to be bludgeoned!" and "dont' try to cesnor me ya
damed kibliogistas". While my enemies are thus incapacitated,
I enlist the help of their site Admins to permanently wipe
them out.
--
brian w hart ha...@vnet.ibm.com certainly not ibms opinions
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
Except for Spot. He's just a dog.
Kibo #: e to the two pi i plus c
Shaun Lowry
himself, DAVID HASSELHOFF!!! Yes! THRILL to the sight of a 60ft HIGH MITCH
BUCHANAN!!! COWER in ABJECT TERROR as his ARMY OF BIKINI BABES decimates the
opposition with BEACH BALL BOMBARDMENT(tm)!!! MARVEL as his HUGE TALKING CAR
leaps CLEAN OVER THE ROCKIES!!!! EMPATHISE with Mitch as he AGONIZES over
the PROBLEMS a 60ft guy has GETTING A DATE, whilst making his SON feel
IMPORTANT!!!
Coming soon to a playpen near you.
Shaun.
--
"I was in Camberwell when I invented it, and it looks like a carrot."
-- "Danny" in Withnail & I
Craig Dickson
My GIANT "H" is a Hallucination in the mind of John_-_Winston (or was it
Callan Jacobson? I forget. Or maybe it was Hannu Poropudas.) It is a
Space Alien made of extraterrestrial mashed potatoes with lots of butter
(no chives, no sour cream). My "H" will defeat all others by plopping
down on top of them and smothering them to death. It cannot be defeated,
because it is amorphous and can therefore break any hold and envelop any
foe. Having conquered, it assimilates its adversary to gain its skills
and knowledge and to grow larger by transmuting the adversary's physical
substance into more extraterrestrial mashed potatoes which it then
incorporates into itself.
--
Craig Dickson (c...@netcom.com) a.k.a. "*ibo": a collector of net.butterflies.
Coordinator, Kook of the Month Awards (alt.usenet.kooks). Nominees for 05/94:
Shani Abovitz, Andrew Beckwith, Roger Bryner, Dennis Crocker, Bill O'Donnell.
David DeLaney's net.legends.FAQ may be obtained from ftp.netcom.com /pub/crd.
Robert Kulagowski
My Giant H will be cross-posted to r.o.m, r.a.s.*, sci.physics and
soc.culture.turkey. Kibologists will then be drawn to it and be compelled
to troll it. Brynerbot will post his dumb warning. The trolls/flames
will increase and the Brynerbot will have everyones Usenet access taken
away from them and I'll win. Kibo, the 'bot and me will then implement
HappyNet and all will be good with the world. Hail Leader Kibo!
H H
H H
H H
H H
HHHHHHHHHHHH
H H
H H
H H
H H
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
\ The above does not represent OIT, UNC-CH, laUNChpad, or its other users. /
------------------------------------------------------------------------
M. Scott Ramming
> All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
> text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
> use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My giant H isn't really that giant. It's about a 4,320 point
one, in one of those nice Baskervilles you like Kibo, printed in
_The_Sanitized_Fundamentalist's_Bible:_Really_Large_Print_Edition_.
The trick is that it's followed by a giant `e' which is just a
troll for someone to complete the spelling of Satan's domain.
When they do, Jeremy `OS/2-ibo' and I will each take one and
begin an infinite loop of gratuitous a.r.k HNIK follow-ups,
using the non-business end of our new sticks to type on our
keyboards for maximum B1FF-ness, until the universe explodes
or Kibo sends out the Happynet rmgroups.
> ALL CONTESTANTS MUST TAKE A URINE-VS-ZIMA TEST.
I've tasted urine when I once posed for a Mapplethorpe
photo. Once you get past the urea, it tastes kinda like
apple flavor Gatoraid. And a little like poppy seed
muffins.
I don't ever want to taste Zima.
David DeLaney
Cool! Does this mean I can get sponsored by Hellogg's Breakfast Cereals?
Dave "Nah nah, I'm getting a Special Hug at the finish line and you're not"
Robert Kulagowski
brian w hart <ha...@vnet.ibm.com> wrote:
>In article <Cq760...@world.std.com> ki...@world.std.com writes:
>>I hereby volunteer to moderate the 1994 GIANT H OLYMPICS.
>>I would have said I volunteer to referee them, but I'm not sure how to
>>spell referee right now.
>
>Hope this makes it IN MASS, ERRR, TIME!!@!
>
>Hello. My name is brian hart and my giant H is shaped like
>a giant letter H. My giant H is Spam(tm) powered and is
>encrusted with thousands of computer screens. The screens
>are constantly displaying artificially generated trolls.
>As my enemies approach, they search frantically for a
>keyboard so that they can type things like "We will not allow
>yourselves to be bludgeoned!" and "dont' try to cesnor me ya
>damed kibliogistas". While my enemies are thus incapacitated,
>I enlist the help of their site Admins to permanently wipe
>them out.
Well, you'll be glad to know that my giant "H" scheme which I
x-posted to r.o.m and sci.physics has already drawn the ire of my
postmaster (You remember the message - it said that the 'bot would have
all of our net access taken away) so it looks like it's hart vs.
kulagowski in the opening round! Kibo, would you like to light the Giant
H now, or are you still out there somewhere, running with your torch?
acb
First axolotl and now uroboros?
--
Andrew Bulhak a...@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au
You gotta keep your eyes open so you don't miss the door!
Paul Callahan
>All contestants in the GIANT H OLYMPICS should post a description (all
>text, no pictures will be accepted) of their GIANT H and how they will
>use it to DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES with the LEAST POSSIBLE COOLNESS.
My Giant H succeeds by virtue of superior philosophical rigor. One
observes a trend, beginning with "X" (as in Xibo) whereby the "X"
mutates to a "K" thereby losing its symmetry. Eventually, the "K"
mutates to a Giant "H" thus restoring the original symmetry. This
symbolizes the Cycle of Nature, yet also suggests Increasing Entropy,
since the cycle is not perfect.
So much is clear, but why "H"? After further contemplation, one sees
that "H" is the Heat Death of the Universe whereby friend and foe
alike are defeated.
Am I deep or what? What do I win?
--
Paul Callahan
call...@biffvm.cs.jhu.edu