Review: The Perfect Storm (2000)
Jon Popick
"We Put the SIN in Cinema"
The 2000 summer movie season is just about half over and, so far, the
big action blockbusters that seemed the most promising when we were all
still wearing hats and mittens have really let us down. M:I-2? Forget
about it. Gone in 60 Seconds? Plot holes bigger than the Grand
Canyon. And you can chalk this one right up there with the others. The
Perfect Storm is the perfect bore and, although it’s only a two-hour
film, it seems like a three-hour tour. A three-hour tour.
That’s not to say that the film adaptation of Sebastian Junger’s
best-seller about the fate of the Andrea Gail isn’t without merit. The
effects are, at times, pretty good, and the acting is, for the most
part, solid and well-cast. But I had problems with Storm right from the
opening credits, which are displayed over a monument to those that have
died at sea in and around Gloucester, Massachusetts, where the film
takes place. If you didn’t know the ending before you walked into the
theatre, the whole thing is ruined for you two minutes into the film.
Storm re-teams Three Kings co-stars George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg -
the former playing sword-boat skipper Billy Tyne to the latter’s little
buddy named Bobby Shatford (Clooney and Wahlberg are trying to be the
Hepburn and Tracy of the new millennium). The film opens in the fall of
1991, where Tyne and his crew have just returned from the latest in what
we learn is a long string of unsuccessful fishing expeditions. Because
of their light load, each earns a lot less money than they had
expected. The cash is doled out by Andrea Gail owner Bobby Brown
(Michael Ironside, The Omega Code), who is so unlikeable that they might
as well have given him an eye-patch and a peg-leg.
Believing that there’s a lot of fish out there somewhere, Tyne
reassembles his reluctant crew for one last run. Tyne guarantees them a
huge haul and tons of money, both of which he plans on accomplishing by
venturing further into the ocean than these fishermen usually go. So
they kiss their wives/girlfriends goodbye, pack up the provisions, and
head for the Flemish Cap, which sounds like something that might be worn
in an Adam Sandler film, or perhaps a European contraceptive device.
What they encounter, of course, is the storm of the century, as Category
5 Hurricane Grace meets up with a bunch of Canadian cold fronts right on
top of the Andrea Gail. There are two-hundred-mile-an-hour winds and
hundred-foot waves. But if you’re thinking that the film is going to be
an edge-of-your-seat adventure, you might want to show up late because
it takes well over an hour before the water even starts to get a little
bit choppy.
In addition to the monotonous waves that grow more and more tiresome,
Storm’s shots are so tight on the action and so logged with water spray
that you can barely tell up from down. Director Wolfgang Petersen (Air
Force One) and Oscar-winning cinematographer John Seale (The Talented
Mr. Ripley) don’t offer much more than dark and wet. Yes, I understand
that the real Andrea Gail was probably very dark and very wet, but that
doesn’t mean that the film had to recreate the look and feel to the
point that it is here. You might as well watch wearing a blindfold.
Although based on real people, I found the supporting roles to be little
more than typical stock characters. There’s the jaded and grizzled
captain (Clooney), the eager young kid with an attractive girlfriend
(Wahlberg), the bitter divorced guy (John C. Reilly, Magnolia), the
rat-faced loser (John Hawkes, Blue Streak), the down-and-out unemployed
guy (William Fichtner, Drowning Mona) and the black guy that hardly has
any screen time (Allen Payne, A Price Above Rubies). For a while, I was
sure he’d be the first one bumped off, but the “Brother Rule” doesn’t
apply to Storm. It’s also funny to think about the years and years that
Wahlberg has probably spent with a dialect coach in an attempt to cover
up his natural South Boston accent, only to drag it out of the closet
here.
Also annoying is the performance of the usually dependable Diane Lane
(My Dog Skip), who plays Shatford’s girlfriend. She probably has
underwear older than Walhberg, and she gets to toss in the time-honored
“I have a bad feeling about this trip” line before the ship sets sail.
Yeah, and you see dead people, too. Storm also wastes a ton of time on
the fate of three other people trapped in the storm on a separate,
smaller craft and their attempted rescue by a Coast Guard helicopter.
The tug-at-your-heart score comes compliments of James Horner (Titanic),
who they must trot out for every water-themed action/drama film.
2:00 - PG-13 for language and scenes of peril
David N. Butterworth
A film review by David N. Butterworth
Copyright 2000 David N. Butterworth
no stars (out of ****)
Oh my dear goodness me.
Q: What's the difference between "The Perfect Storm" and the worst
movie ever made?
A: Not much.
It begins with big, bland titles and the cloying strains of James
Horner's obsequious score starting up, a simple refrain repeated so often
it gnaws its way into your cranium like a coprophagous beetle digging for
dung. Yuk.
Next we're introduced to our cast of characters, a predictable
weather-beaten lot with handles like Murph and Bugsy and Sully. The
stubborn, macho swordboat captain (George Clooney); the inexperienced young
punk (Mark Wahlberg); the burly divorcee (John C. Reilly); the token
African American (Allen Payne); the troublemaker (Michael Fichtner); the
scruffy one who smells like fish and can't get a woman to even look at him
(John Hawkes).
It's not that we're simply introduced to these stereotypes,
however. We have the intimate details of their personal lives thrust down
our throats within the film's first fifteen minutes. I mean this happens
*very* quickly. Why are the filmmakers in such a rush to fob us off with
these hokey, trite, and laughable scenes? So that we'll care about these
people as individuals once we get to the storm stuff, of course.
Ironically, the latest coming attractions for "The Perfect Storm" now
position the film as a personal human drama rather than a rousing
action-adventure flick. Interesting.
Anyway, for the next interminable two hours we get the story. The
true story. But what story? Six idiots lost at sea--*that's* the story.
That's all there is. Gloucesterman Billy Tyne (Clooney) is having a run of
bad luck and vows to take his Andrea Gail out for one last (and hopefully
big) haul to make his quota. "I catch fish. It's what I do" he sneers at
his pit boss ("Starship Troopers"' Michael Ironside). Billy's ragtag band
of fishermen all need the money so they're happy to ragtag along, at least
initially. Wahlberg shares a tender moment with his lovely thirtysomething
girlfriend (played by Diane Lane) before he heads out beyond the Grand
Banks. "Last night I dreamed that you are I were so close I couldn't tell
where I ended and you began." Or something like that. I tell you the
dialogue in this film must have been written by a three-year-old (although
screenwriter Bill Wittliff appears to be considerably older than that).
Anemic and foolish, the on-screen patter makes you want to spit.
The promotions people would have us believe that "In the Fall of
1991, an event took place that had never occurred in recorded history" but
the meteorological intrigues of the plot are reduced to having a Boston
weatherman (played by a bespectacled Christopher McDonald, Adam Sandler's
golf opponent in "Happy Gilmore") "ooh!" and "aah!" at advancing weather
patterns on his computer screen. As he traces the swirling masses on the
monitor with his finger he comments to himself "This is unheard of.
Hurricane Grace kicking up a fuss down here, a system rising off Sable
Island there, and the Gulf Stream pushing forth a cold front over here. If
these three were to collide it would be a disaster of epic proportions.
It'd be the storm of the century. No wait, it'd be--dot dot dot--The
Perfect Storm." Or something like that. I haven't seen a decent film yet
in which a character speaks the film's title, often times to camera. I
still haven't.
Once the winds whip up it's like the wreck of the Hesperus out
there, with the film piling on the "suspense" by regularly flashing
subtitles at the bottom of the screen. "Mistral (Plymouth, NH), 345 Miles
Off Bermuda." "HMS Hermes--Halfway to Havana." "Meteorological Tracking
Station U-571, Baffin Bay." And "The Flemish Cap" moments after Cap'n
Billy announces they are steering towards The Flemish Cap, a remote section
of sea that's barely on the map.
These reference points come so thick and fast it's as if the
filmmakers expect us to have a lapful of nautical charts and are plotting
the rough weather's course every step of the way. Another way the film
creates "drama" is to have two of the crew members constantly battling with
each other. The minute Reilly and Fichtner's characters are introduced
they start bickering, trading barbs and insults--"your mother was a
lobsterman!"--without explanation. Why? Because there's no other dramatic
tension. Except for a sloop with Karen Allen aboard being buffeted around
with another testosterone-driven male at the helm. "I don't use charts, I
just go with my gut. Let's ride this one out," says Dad. Or something
like that. Who are these people and what are they doing here? The men in
this film give their gender a really bad rap; it's hard to care about
morons.
But the women don't do any better. A bunch of them sit around the
bar at the Crow's Nest in Gloucester, Maine chewing their fingernails and
watching the devastation being wreaked on the television. Lane's brow is
constantly furrowed. And Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, who seems to have
modeled her rival skipper character on Clint Eastwood, what with her
growled delivery and gnarly, barnacled appearance, provides two
embarrassingly heart-wrenching soliloquies, the first of which goes
something like this. (On the radio to Billy): "Oh my God Billy, it's
happening! You have to get out of there now. It's the mother of all
storms. It's a huge epic of unfathomable proportions. It's the devil
itself. You're headed right into the eye of a monster!" Or something like
that (cut to two hours of our actors having buckets of water dumped over
their heads). If anyone had drawn a gun in this film the trigger would
have jammed.
It wasn't until a rescue helicopter flew over the choppy North
Atlantic that I was reminded that Wolfgang Petersen's last film was that
mega-turkey, "Air Force One."
"Lost at sea." "Petersen has missed das boot here." "This one
stinks of fish" "Rough waters." "Waves of emotion." "Perfectly
horrible." "The Perfect Mess." There are so many ways to describe "The
Perfect Storm" but "a satisfying movie-going experience" just isn't one of
them. Disastrous? Yes. An epic of tragic proportions? Sure. A tragedy
of epic proportions? Absolutely. I can think of only three good things in
the film: the Big Waves (courtesy Industrial Light and Magic), how expertly
the cast handles tackle and bait, and Reilly's knit cap. Otherwise it's a
bust.
Had I not been obligated to ride it out I would have stormed out of
this one at the quarter hour mark. It would have been the right decision.
--
David N. Butterworth
d...@dca.net
Got beef? Visit "La Movie Boeuf"
online at http://members.dca.net/dnb
Homer Yen
by Homer Yen
(c) 2000
The fishermen of Gloucester, Massachusetts live their
lives to fish. As the film opens, we see this
pastoral harbor community with statues honoring brave
seamen, shipbuilders hard at work creating new
vessels, and a large number of fishing boats
triumphantly returning with their catch. Gloucester
fishermen are more committed to fishing than to their
marriages. They are courageous superheroes when they
are out on the open seas. And, to catch their fish,
they are even willing to brave the perfect storm.
"The Perfect Storm" is an absorbing yarn about man
versus nature and the folly that results from blind
hubris. Based on Sebastian Junger's nonfiction
bestseller, the film is a vivid retelling of a
devastating 1991 incident in which a down-on-his-luck,
swordfish boat captain risks it all to bring back a
catch that promises to make them a huge profit. Led
by skipper Billy Tyne (stoic George Clooney) who
captains the Andrea Gail, he hopes that this next trip
out to the fishing grounds of the Grand Banks (a few
days east of Gloucester) will lift him out of his
current slump.
But going out to sea is like an extended and dangerous
tour of duty. The crewmembers' loved ones rejoice
when their men return home. But faces are filled with
sorrow when it's time to leave. For Captain Tyne,
fishing has resulted in a broken marriage. For the
youthful and wildly-in-love Bobby (Mark Wahlberg), it
means having to spend time away from his girlfriend.
And for crewmember Murphy (John C. Reilly), it means
being separated from his lovable son. Other crewmates
are also hesitant to go back out. Tyne coldly stares
at them and threatens, "if any of you don't want to
come, a replacement is just a phone call away." You
may think that he's unrealistically overbearing, but
as a local hatchery manager says, "that's the way the
game is played."
The seas are a dangerous place in the fall, having the
potential to swallow ships whole. "The Grand Banks is
no joke in October," warns one concerned Gloucester
resident. By now, we've developed a genuine liking
for the crew of the Andrea Gail, as well as an immense
respect for their work ethic. But we get the
foreboding sensation that this trip will be marred
with peril.
The Andrea Gail encounters all kinds of bad luck.
Though they eventually catch lots of fish, a monster
storm takes them by surprise. The local forecaster
says, "you can be a meteorologist all your life and
never see this." It's a storm so ferocious that it
creates maximum gale force winds and 10-story swells.
In fact, you can barely hear the actors even when they
are yelling at each other through the wind-whipped
rain. Special effects convincingly and impressively
create the furious, churning seas. And the camera
shots, which show the crew rocking back and forth,
convey such realism that at times it was a
queasiness-inducing experience. The film also shows
other craft caught and victimized by the angry seas.
Freighters are having its cargo knocked off its decks
by the enormous waves while even the Coast Guard has
been rendered almost powerless. Captain Tyne remains
unfazed. He must travel through the storm in order to
sell his fish, lest his catch spoil. He is a
determined man who opens the throttle against the
unstoppable forces of pride and Mother Nature.
Engaging characters make for a watchable film, and the
entire ensemble cast performs admirably. We share the
concern of the loved ones as they watch the
increasingly dire weather reports. We feel their
sense of helplessness. We pray for the fearless
skipper to find a way to maneuver through the crashing
waves, howling winds, and torrential downpour. The
love that we develop for the crew and those that
eagerly await their return pulls us in. But
ultimately it may be the storm that pulls them under.
Grade: B+
S: 1 out of 3
L: 2 out of 3
V: 2 out of 3
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Send instant messages & get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger.
http://im.yahoo.com/