The Blind and the Pitiful
03:15:38 GMT
#
# STEVE OPIE, an ambitious if incompetent middle-aged designer at
# FLONKER CREATIONS, meets and falls in love with KATE ANONYME, a
# deranged middle-aged harpy. Pulling some strings (and his pud),
# Steve manages to secure a job for Kate at Flonker Creations as an XL
# fashion model.
#
# Kate quickly has a falling out with her co-workers. Steve first
# sides with his lover, but the constant fighting puts a strain on
# their relationship. Finally Steve gathers enough courage to tell
# Kate he is leaving her. Despite their best efforts to put on a brave
# face after the split, a lot of pent-up acrimony remains between the
# two.
#
# Non-plussed, as usual, Kate turns to other men, as usual. After a
# brief fling with JOE BOOTSIE, the brash middle-aged head designer
# at STONE FASHIONS, Kate seeks solace in the arms of DR. ALLEN
# GILBERT, the Flonkers' and the Stones' family doctor. Allen is even
# willing to severe his ties with the two families to be with Kate.
#
# As we rejoin the action, Kate confronts Steve in his office at the
# Flonker Creations' headquarters about his recent behavior.
# Meanwhile, over at Allen's hideout, Joe tries to talk some sense
# into the doctor.
[INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONKER CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
A middle-aged unkempt man sits in a harshly lit, tiny room. He is
crouched over a keyboard, typing furiously. A droopy middle-aged woman
shows up at the door. Her facial features are covered under whore
makeup and her hair is carefully arranged into a beehive. The man
turns on his office chair and looks at her with bloodshot eyes.
STEVE OPIE [with a heavy Australian accent]: Kate, you are
here.
KATE ANONYME [with a nasal screech]: Yes, Steve. [pause] I am
here.
The pair stare at each other.
The pair still stare at each other.
STEVE: Kate, why did you come here?
KATE: Steve, we need to talk.
The former lovers stare at each other some more.
[EXT. A LOG CABIN IN THE BACKWOODS OF OREGON - NIGHT]
A beat-down Chevrolet pulls into a patch of open land in front of a
small log cabin. The driver, a middle-aged man with a protruding jaw
and a receding hairline, turns off the engine.
JOE BOOTSIE [to himself]: Oh, how did I get myself into this?
It seemed such an innocuous, beautiful thing at first.
Joe looks to the distance, upper right-hand corner.
He has a flashback of him and Kate frolicking in an abandoned parking
lot surrounded by silhouettes of urban housing. Joe catches up to Kate
and they cuddle. It all takes a turn for the worse, though, when Joe
tries to nibble Kate's earlobe. Shocked by this desire to experiment,
Kate asks Joe whether he's some kind of a sexual pervert. The couple
start to argue.
The vivid memory goes away.
JOE: How did it come to this? [pause] I just hope Allen is
willing to listen to me.
He steps out of the car, walks up to the cabin door and almost knocks.
Getting a better idea, he tries the handle. The door opens, and he
steps in.
[INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONKER CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
Steve and Kate are still staring at each other.
STEVE: What do you want to say to me, Kate?
KATE: Steve, there's something I need to know. [pause] I want
to know whether you've been talking about us to outsiders... [pause] I
want to know whether you've been talking about our relationship to the
Flonkers.
Kate gives Steve a glowering look. Steve in turn fixes his eyes on the
wall behind Kate, trying to gather what pass for his thoughts.
[INT. A LOG CABIN IN THE BACKWOODS OF OREGON - NIGHT]
Despite the rugged exterior, the cabin surprisingly has running water
and electricity. A portly middle-aged man stands in a kitchen in front
of a sink, his back turned to the door. While the man washes dishes,
he is humming "H.M.S. Pinafore". Hearing footsteps, he stops humming
but doesn't look behind him.
DR. ALLEN GILBERT: Is that you, Kate? I didn't get the Red
Wings-Flames game on tape, but I did take out the trash, and vacuum,
and these dishes are done in a minute...
JOE: No, Allen. [pause] This is not Kate.
Allen dries his hands, taking his time, and then turns to face Joe.
[INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONKER CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
Steve has gotten up from his chair.
STEVE: I might have mentioned something about you being
back-stabbing, conniving fruit loop. However, I didn't say anything
that wasn't already general knowledge.
KATE: How could you, Steve? How could you do that to me, after
all we've been through?
STEVE: Kate, all we've been through is what made me do it. And
don't play innocent with me. You've been telling everyone that I'm
some passive-aggressive weirdo dabbling in magick.
KATE: Steve, you _are_ some passive-aggressive weirdo dabbling
in magick.
STEVE [grabs Kate's arm]: Well, you're a back-stabbing,
conniving fruit loop.
Steve holds Kate's arm. Kate pants.
[INT. A LOG CABIN IN THE BACKWOODS OF OREGON - NIGHT]
JOE: I had to warn you, Allen. I wanted to warn you because of
all the good times we've had at the Stones'. [pause] You may not know
this, but... but watching you come up with a seemingly endless stream
of formulaic one-liners has been a big artistic inspiration for me. I
looked up to you, and it hurts to see you like this.
ALLEN: Joe, I understand your motives... but you are barking
up the wrong tree here.
JOE: But you now know what happened between me and Kate. You
must realize what an exploitative, insincere wench she is. You must.
How could you not see it?
ALLEN: I do see it, and you are right, Joe. You are absolutely
right. She is deranged. She does lie, and cheat, and manipulate.
[pause] But there is one thing you've overlooked; one thing that helps
_me_ to overlook everything you mentioned.
JOE: What is it, Allen? For God's sake, man, tell me. What
kind of a hold does she have on you?
ALLEN: No, Joe, it's nothing like that. The reason... [pause]
The reason is this: My relationship with Kate means that I've now
officially become the first H.F.W. member, former or otherwise, to
score with a real, live woman! [a long pause] Now leave. She'll be
back any minute now.
Joe storms out of the cabin.
[INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONK CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
Steve has let go of Kate's hand. They are standing at the opposite
sides of the room.
KATE: Fine, Steve, be like that. [glances at her watch] I must
get back to Allen anyway. My Red Wings played Atlanta Flames earlier
tonight, and darling Allen promised to tape it for me. But rest
assured, you will hear from me, Steve Opie. You will hear from me!
Kate exits in a huff. Steve sits down, scratches his unshaven chin and
looks to the doorway with a characteristic appearance of bovine
dullness on his face.
Then he turns around and starts typing furiously again.
[ROLL CREDITS]
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
±
Is this going to be on HBO?
>
> --
> Ari <fun...@all.at>
--
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|S|a|y| |D|u|h| |t|o| |S|n|u|h|
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From: en_mog <en_...@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
Subject: Goodbye :-)
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 2000 08:05:45 -0500
If I have any integrity at all, I must leave.
I welcome others to do so as well if they refuse to be led by a group of
unthinking drones that are stuck in such a mindnumbingly predictable
pattern of
snuh/attack/snuh/attack/penises/attack/snuh/rectum/attack/.
From: TGOS <tg...@spamcop.net>
Newsgroups: alt.hentai.sailor-moon
Subject: Re: Great Newsgroup!
Date: 27 Nov 2000 02:23:19 -0600
Nobody can control the snuh.
Ready to create a new newsgroup?
Everything you need is here:
http://snetter.tripod.com
pleace add to yuor lits: snuh music
http://artists.mp3s.com/artist_song/770/770142.html
this has been another unique, handcrafted and thoughtful psot from the
Snuh family of fine psoters.
ad88888ba 88 ad88888ba
d8" "8b 88 d8" "8b
Y8, 88 "" a8P
`Y8aaaaa, 8b,YHBTba, 88 88 88,dPPYba, ,a8P"
`"""""8b, 88P' `"8a 88 88 88P' "8a d8"
`8b 88 88 88 88 88 88 ""
Y8a a8P 88 88 "8a, ,a88 88 88 88
"Y88888P" 88 88 `"YbbdP'Y8 88 Get Snuhy!
Fritz A. Wollner
wrote:
Okay, who's the asshole that told Ari about the abandoned parking
lot incident?
meowmix
-=+># Previously on THE BLIND AND THE PITIFUL:
-=+>#
-=+># STEVE OPIE, an ambitious if incompetent middle-aged designer at
-=+># FLONKER CREATIONS, meets and falls in love with KATE ANONYME, a
-=+># deranged middle-aged harpy. Pulling some strings (and his pud),
-=+># Steve manages to secure a job for Kate at Flonker Creations as an XL
-=+># fashion model.
-=+>#
-=+># Kate quickly has a falling out with her co-workers. Steve first
-=+># sides with his lover, but the constant fighting puts a strain on
-=+># their relationship. Finally Steve gathers enough courage to tell
-=+># Kate he is leaving her. Despite their best efforts to put on a brave
-=+># face after the split, a lot of pent-up acrimony remains between the
-=+># two.
-=+>#
-=+># Non-plussed, as usual, Kate turns to other men, as usual. After a
-=+># brief fling with JOE BOOTSIE, the brash middle-aged head designer
-=+># at STONE FASHIONS, Kate seeks solace in the arms of DR. ALLEN
-=+># GILBERT, the Flonkers' and the Stones' family doctor. Allen is even
-=+># willing to severe his ties with the two families to be with Kate.
-=+>#
-=+># As we rejoin the action, Kate confronts Steve in his office at the
-=+># Flonker Creations' headquarters about his recent behavior.
-=+># Meanwhile, over at Allen's hideout, Joe tries to talk some sense
-=+># into the doctor.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONKER CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+>A middle-aged unkempt man sits in a harshly lit, tiny room. He is
-=+>crouched over a keyboard, typing furiously. A droopy middle-aged woman
-=+>shows up at the door. Her facial features are covered under whore
-=+>makeup and her hair is carefully arranged into a beehive. The man
-=+>turns on his office chair and looks at her with bloodshot eyes.
-=+>
-=+> STEVE OPIE [with a heavy Australian accent]: Kate, you are
-=+>here.
-=+>
-=+> KATE ANONYME [with a nasal screech]: Yes, Steve. [pause] I am
-=+>here.
-=+>
-=+>The pair stare at each other.
-=+>
-=+>The pair still stare at each other.
-=+>
-=+> STEVE: Kate, why did you come here?
-=+>
-=+> KATE: Steve, we need to talk.
-=+>
-=+>The former lovers stare at each other some more.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [EXT. A LOG CABIN IN THE BACKWOODS OF OREGON - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+>A beat-down Chevrolet pulls into a patch of open land in front of a
-=+>small log cabin. The driver, a middle-aged man with a protruding jaw
-=+>and a receding hairline, turns off the engine.
-=+>
-=+> JOE BOOTSIE [to himself]: Oh, how did I get myself into this?
-=+>It seemed such an innocuous, beautiful thing at first.
-=+>
-=+>Joe looks to the distance, upper right-hand corner.
-=+>
-=+>He has a flashback of him and Kate frolicking in an abandoned parking
-=+>lot surrounded by silhouettes of urban housing. Joe catches up to Kate
-=+>and they cuddle. It all takes a turn for the worse, though, when Joe
-=+>tries to nibble Kate's earlobe. Shocked by this desire to experiment,
-=+>Kate asks Joe whether he's some kind of a sexual pervert. The couple
-=+>start to argue.
-=+>
-=+>The vivid memory goes away.
-=+>
-=+> JOE: How did it come to this? [pause] I just hope Allen is
-=+>willing to listen to me.
-=+>
-=+>He steps out of the car, walks up to the cabin door and almost knocks.
-=+>Getting a better idea, he tries the handle. The door opens, and he
-=+>steps in.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONKER CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+>Steve and Kate are still staring at each other.
-=+>
-=+> STEVE: What do you want to say to me, Kate?
-=+>
-=+> KATE: Steve, there's something I need to know. [pause] I want
-=+>to know whether you've been talking about us to outsiders... [pause] I
-=+>want to know whether you've been talking about our relationship to the
-=+>Flonkers.
-=+>
-=+>Kate gives Steve a glowering look. Steve in turn fixes his eyes on the
-=+>wall behind Kate, trying to gather what pass for his thoughts.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [INT. A LOG CABIN IN THE BACKWOODS OF OREGON - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+>Despite the rugged exterior, the cabin surprisingly has running water
-=+>and electricity. A portly middle-aged man stands in a kitchen in front
-=+>of a sink, his back turned to the door. While the man washes dishes,
-=+>he is humming "H.M.S. Pinafore". Hearing footsteps, he stops humming
-=+>but doesn't look behind him.
-=+>
-=+> DR. ALLEN GILBERT: Is that you, Kate? I didn't get the Red
-=+>Wings-Flames game on tape, but I did take out the trash, and vacuum,
-=+>and these dishes are done in a minute...
-=+>
-=+> JOE: No, Allen. [pause] This is not Kate.
-=+>
-=+>Allen dries his hands, taking his time, and then turns to face Joe.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONKER CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+>Steve has gotten up from his chair.
-=+>
-=+> STEVE: I might have mentioned something about you being
-=+>back-stabbing, conniving fruit loop. However, I didn't say anything
-=+>that wasn't already general knowledge.
-=+>
-=+> KATE: How could you, Steve? How could you do that to me, after
-=+>all we've been through?
-=+>
-=+> STEVE: Kate, all we've been through is what made me do it. And
-=+>don't play innocent with me. You've been telling everyone that I'm
-=+>some passive-aggressive weirdo dabbling in magick.
-=+>
-=+> KATE: Steve, you _are_ some passive-aggressive weirdo dabbling
-=+>in magick.
-=+>
-=+> STEVE [grabs Kate's arm]: Well, you're a back-stabbing,
-=+>conniving fruit loop.
-=+>
-=+>Steve holds Kate's arm. Kate pants.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [INT. A LOG CABIN IN THE BACKWOODS OF OREGON - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+> JOE: I had to warn you, Allen. I wanted to warn you because of
-=+>all the good times we've had at the Stones'. [pause] You may not know
-=+>this, but... but watching you come up with a seemingly endless stream
-=+>of formulaic one-liners has been a big artistic inspiration for me. I
-=+>looked up to you, and it hurts to see you like this.
-=+>
-=+> ALLEN: Joe, I understand your motives... but you are barking
-=+>up the wrong tree here.
-=+>
-=+> JOE: But you now know what happened between me and Kate. You
-=+>must realize what an exploitative, insincere wench she is. You must.
-=+>How could you not see it?
-=+>
-=+> ALLEN: I do see it, and you are right, Joe. You are absolutely
-=+>right. She is deranged. She does lie, and cheat, and manipulate.
-=+>[pause] But there is one thing you've overlooked; one thing that helps
-=+>_me_ to overlook everything you mentioned.
-=+>
-=+> JOE: What is it, Allen? For God's sake, man, tell me. What
-=+>kind of a hold does she have on you?
-=+>
-=+> ALLEN: No, Joe, it's nothing like that. The reason... [pause]
-=+>The reason is this: My relationship with Kate means that I've now
-=+>officially become the first H.F.W. member, former or otherwise, to
-=+>score with a real, live woman! [a long pause] Now leave. She'll be
-=+>back any minute now.
-=+>
-=+>Joe storms out of the cabin.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [INT. OPIE'S OFFICE AT THE FLONK CREATIONS HQ - NIGHT]
-=+>
-=+>Steve has let go of Kate's hand. They are standing at the opposite
-=+>sides of the room.
-=+>
-=+> KATE: Fine, Steve, be like that. [glances at her watch] I must
-=+>get back to Allen anyway. My Red Wings played Atlanta Flames earlier
-=+>tonight, and darling Allen promised to tape it for me. But rest
-=+>assured, you will hear from me, Steve Opie. You will hear from me!
-=+>
-=+>Kate exits in a huff. Steve sits down, scratches his unshaven chin and
-=+>looks to the doorway with a characteristic appearance of bovine
-=+>dullness on his face.
-=+>
-=+>Then he turns around and starts typing furiously again.
-=+>
-=+>
-=+> [ROLL CREDITS]
Did you get your inspiration from watching daytime soaps, or is that actualy based on real events? I
can't tell the difference between the two these days.
--
rocky
mhm x v i x i i i
rizla
woof
meowmix
-=+>On Sun, 24 Mar 2002 10:46:52 +0200, "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr>
-=+>wrote:
-=+>
-=+>>
-=+>>--
-=+>> Ari <fun...@all.at>
-=+>
-=+>Okay, who's the asshole that told Ari about the abandoned parking
-=+>lot incident?
Would it be bad form to grass k00kie Kate up for doing it?
Scott Campbell
"03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> wrote in message
news:8i4r9uccjicbrlj18...@ID-12638.paradoxa...
> # Previously on THE BLIND AND THE PITIFUL:
[...]
hee hee...
--
Scott Campbell - mhm 24x12
03:15:38 GMT
> Only in a place like alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk would
> "03:15:38 GMT" <as...@mail.gr> have the audacity to post:
[...]
> <claps>
>
> <can't bring self to snip a line of this>
>
> Indeed, I found every moment precious, but I wish there was further
> elucidation of the motivations of the characters involved. I just
> don't understand some thingies... yet somehow I am certain pudding
> must be involved.
I can try to answer any questions you might have about the piece. Some
things were left out on purpose, to keep the audience waiting for the
next episode. For example, I envision a flashback for the good doctor
when Kate returns that'll fill in the blanks in his conversation with
Joe that were left when we followed Kate's confrontation with Steve.
(Not that there'll be a next episode, you understand, but building up
to one is the done thing in this genre.)
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
03:15:38 GMT
[...]
>-=+> [ROLL CREDITS]
>
> Did you get your inspiration from watching daytime soaps, or is that actualy
> based on real events? I can't tell the difference between the two these days.
A bit of both. And yes, turning recent real events into a daytime soap
isn't as difficult as it used to be.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
trippy
in message <3C9DAAE0...@WHATISSPAMhotmail.com>, said the following
tripped out things....
America Undercover: The lonely, the looney, the keyboard.
--
Trippy
tri...@XspamblockXthetrippy.com
You're different, and that's bad.
Doobie Doobie Doo
Flaagg
for article
<8i4r9uccjicbrlj18...@ID-12638.paradoxa>?
> [ROLL CREDITS]
Brilliant! Compelling! I'd buy all products that were advertised during
this show!
My only minor complaint is the lack of the evil twin showing up to
DESTROY it's sib using impersonation and such.
--
Aaron M. Henne -flaagg mhm9x2-
PLANET F WEBSITE: http://home.attbi.com/~flaagg/
"I believe in people lying. I believe in people dying."
- Tricky, "Excess"
03:15:38 GMT
> Who is this 03:15:38 GMT <as...@mail.gr>:
>
>> [ROLL CREDITS]
>
> Brilliant! Compelling! I'd buy all products that were advertised during
> this show!
You're much too kind, sir, though it's heartening to know my emphasis
in fast-paced action and lifelike dialogue worked in this instance.
> My only minor complaint is the lack of the evil twin showing up to
> DESTROY it's sib using impersonation and such.
Such an exciting, unique plot twist would have been the proverbial
cherry on top of the cake, but working in the good twin proved too
difficult with this set of characters.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
John Kimball
Message id: <8i4r9uccjicbrlj18...@ID-12638.paradoxa>:
>Then he turns around and starts typing furiously again.
^^^^^^
ITYM masturbating.
--
"I think you will find that the real flonkers don't go around telling
other flonkers that they are merely tolerated." Optional Identity
(Troll4U...@meow.org) Finally figures out his role after being told
he's tolerated in msg. ID <lo0drt0kirq7vg3jg...@4ax.com>
<affinity>
03:15:38 GMT wrote:
What about demonic possession? Do you think you could work that in?
jet
nun.
--
jet mhm 32x30 |
wee saul disciple #32 |
ich bin ein meower |
Peggy Scissons
"jet" <morr...@pyrophore.ogoense.net> wrote in message
news:a7oo30$oa6$1...@paradoxa.ogoense.net...
Smee
03:15:38 GMT
> "<affinity>" <lu...@bigpond.com> wrote:
>>03:15:38 GMT wrote:
>>> Flaagg <flaagg@REMOVE_TO_EMAIL_attbi.com> did this:
>>> > My only minor complaint is the lack of the evil twin showing up to
>>> > DESTROY it's sib using impersonation and such.
>>>
>>> Such an exciting, unique plot twist would have been the proverbial
>>> cherry on top of the cake, but working in the good twin proved too
>>> difficult with this set of characters.
>>
>>What about demonic possession? Do you think you could work that in?
>
> Yeah, and a nun. Maybe the evil twin could be a demonically possessed
> nun.
Now, if only there was a way for the evil twin who is a demonically
possessed nun to also be the good twin's real father.
--
Ari <fun...@all.at>
Perhaps a cloning experiment...
Jelliebun
I'm pretty sure it is, in like Arkansas or something.
Jelliebun
mhm20x20
shaky on
geography
but pretty sure
it's south of
here somewhere
--
__
/ /\
.---/ /\ |
/ /o 0\ \|
/ /\ ^ / - meow
/ / / \_
\ |/\\ //\}
\|\ v_v /
"" ""
jet
Arnaud M. Fercq
># Previously on THE BLIND AND THE PITIFUL:
[...]
Not bad, I suppose. It's a shame nothing like this ever happens on UseNet.
--
Flamer to the Gentry -- Prof. IACW -- mhm 20x8 -- "ludus non nisi sanguineus"
http://iacw.usenet-performance-art.org/ (updated hoohehahahaha! Yeah, right.)
Ta gueule, Ludbunski.
"Menjy is the most important topic in the universe!"
-Jelliebun, almost.
"Menjy is not a fuckhead."
-Stain
anonyme
<me...@iacw.org> from alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk.
>03:15:38 GMT a écrit :
>
>># Previously on THE BLIND AND THE PITIFUL:
>
>[...]
>
>Not bad, I suppose. It's a shame nothing like this ever happens on UseNet.
You expect beehive hairdos in this day and age, mebbe?
--
anonyme mhm 32x19
Smeeter #34 Wee Saul Disciple #29
http://www.kalnet.net/krowland/anonyme.htm
http://members.iinet.net.au/~vannevar/ascii3.html
I support Nekkid Flonking!!1!
meow!