Fake Objects HELP NEEDED
David E Newton
>
> OK - here's a list of 'fake objects' that the new lads at work always seem
> to get sent out for.
> Are there any *significant* examples that I'm missing?
> (Preferably hardware based...)
>
> Board Stretchers
> Brass Magnets
> Dehydrated Water
> Left Handed Monkey Wrenches
> Left Handed Screwdrivers
> Liquid Magnets
> Prop Wash (Bucket of)
> Rubber Hammers
> Shoreline (30m length)
> Sky Hooks
> Smoke Shifters
> Striped Paint
> Widgets
For a newbie Systems Admin, you could ask for some MX Connectors.
--
David E Newton
http://www.yoyo.org/~den
d...@yoyo.org
Manic
John Diver
>OK - here's a list of 'fake objects' that the new lads at work always seem
>to get sent out for.
>Are there any *significant* examples that I'm missing?
>(Preferably hardware based...)
>
>Board Stretchers
>Brass Magnets
>Dehydrated Water
>Left Handed Monkey Wrenches
>Left Handed Screwdrivers
>Liquid Magnets
>Prop Wash (Bucket of)
>Rubber Hammers
Hey, what's fake about rubber hammers? I've got one at home.
>Shoreline (30m length)
>Sky Hooks
>Smoke Shifters
>Striped Paint
>Widgets
You could also add:
A long weight
Chocolate teapots
Glass hammers
Tiger Milk
The first one's my fave. Seen it done once in a builders' merchants. "Hi,
I'd like a long weight". "Okay mate, stand over there" (and he did...for
a LONG time).
John
--
John Diver
j.d...@YOUR.BRAIN.wellcome.ac.uk
Please remove YOUR.BRAIN. before replying by mail
Tristán White
<SNIP>
>Rubber Hammers
<SNIP>
Errrm, I've got one of these, actually! (for hammering floortiles into place
without cracking them).
David E Newton
>
> You could also add:
>
> A long weight
> Chocolate teapots
> The first one's my fave. Seen it done once in a builders' merchants. "Hi,
> I'd like a long weight". "Okay mate, stand over there" (and he did...for
> a LONG time).
Ha ha! Hey, but a ton, a short ton and a long ton *are* all different
weights!
Yours pedantically,
dave
Manic
reminds me of the poor kid we used to send up to the roof to wait for the
mail copter!)
12v short-circuit for a motorbike
8 inch reproductive tool
Bag of sparks (or spots for the spot welder)
A metric adjustable spanner
New bubble for the spirit level
Set of plug gaps,
Verbal agreement form
Board Stretchers
Brass Magnets
Bucket of short circuits
Can of Elbow Grease
Can of Elbow Grease
Tiger Milk
Can of Propeller Pitch
Chocolate Teapot
Compression powder,
Cooking glue
Dehydrated Water
Glass Hammer
Left handed hammer
Left Handed Monkey Wrenches
Left Handed Screwdrivers
Liquid Magnets
Long weight (wait)
Packet of Drill Holes
Petrol can for compressed air
Pigeon's milk
Prop Wash (Bucket of)
Radiator cap for VW beetle
Relative Bearing Grease
Rubber hammer
Shoreline (30m length)
Sky Hooks
Smoke Shifters
Spark plugs for a diesel motor
Straight hooks
Striped Paint
Zobo Kolonie
news:81ed6k$lcq$3...@ayers.ftech.net...
> OK - here's a list of 'fake objects' that the new lads at work always seem
> to get sent out for.
> Are there any *significant* examples that I'm missing?
> (Preferably hardware based...)
>
> Board Stretchers
> Brass Magnets
> Dehydrated Water
> Left Handed Screwdrivers
> Liquid Magnets
> Rubber Hammers
> Sky Hooks
> Smoke Shifters
> Widgets
>
Bucket of (blue) steam.
Sparks for grinder.
Not a fake object, but we used to enjoy sending first formers (prior to the
spring term when they studied mammalian reproduction) to the stores to fetch
a fallopian tube :-)
ZK
Tristán White
>kat<
<mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>OK - rubber hammers dropped - list amended below (love the long weight BTW,
>reminds me of the poor kid we used to send up to the roof to wait for the
>mail copter!)
for>
More of a naval thing but I believe new recruits were sent to search for
the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case if it
means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
--
>Kat<
©
Rich Ham
Hah Hah, I suggest you go find a sailor to explain this one.
I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
Rich.
Manic
news:383AD1D9...@hotmail.com...
You've plumbed new depths with this pun!
Rich Ham
Water you talking about?
Nat Pryce
> Manic wrote:
> > Rich Ham <rham...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > news:383AD1D9...@hotmail.com...
> > > ">kat<" wrote:
> > > > In article <81ee5n$nft$1...@ayers.ftech.net>, Manic
> > > > <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
> > > > the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case if it
> > > > means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
> > > > --
> > > > >Kat<
> > > > ©
> > >
> > > Hah Hah, I suggest you go find a sailor to explain this one.
> > > I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
> > >
> > > Rich.
> >
> > You've plumbed new depths with this pun!
>
> Water you talking about?
Whale, are you going to explain? You're keeping us in the
dark on porpoise.
--
+------------------------------------------+---------------------+
| Name: Nat Pryce MEng ACGI | Dept. of Computing, |
| Email: n...@doc.ic.ac.uk | Imperial College, |
| Tel: +44 (0)171 594 8394 | 180 Queen's Gate, |
| Fax: +44 (0)171 581 8024 | London SW7 2BZ, |
| WWW: http://www-dse.doc.ic.ac.uk/~np2 | United Kingdom |
+------------------------------------------+---------------------+
Manic
> Manic wrote:
>
> > Rich Ham <rham...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > news:383AD1D9...@hotmail.com...
> > > ">kat<" wrote:
> > >
> > > > In article <81ee5n$nft$1...@ayers.ftech.net>, Manic
> > > > <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
weight
> > BTW,
> > > > >reminds me of the poor kid we used to send up to the roof to wait
for
> > the
> > > > >mail copter!)
> > > > <snipped list of things that only men would be gullible enough to
fall
> > > > for>
> > > >
for
> > > > the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case if
it
> > > > means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
> > > > --
> > > > >Kat<
> > > > ©
> > >
> > > Hah Hah, I suggest you go find a sailor to explain this one.
> > > I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
> > >
> > > Rich.
> >
> > You've plumbed new depths with this pun!
>
> Water you talking about?
Oh, I sea. Very funny!
Nige
nige
http://i.am/nige
>kat<
<rham...@hotmail.com> writes
>">kat<" wrote:
>
>> In article <81ee5n$nft$1...@ayers.ftech.net>, Manic
>> <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>> >OK - rubber hammers dropped - list amended below (love the long weight BTW,
>> >reminds me of the poor kid we used to send up to the roof to wait for the
>> >mail copter!)
>> <snipped list of things that only men would be gullible enough to fall
>> for>
>>
>> More of a naval thing but I believe new recruits were sent to search for
>> the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case if it
>> means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
>Hah Hah, I suggest you go find a sailor to explain this one.
>I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
Yes, that's what I thought, hence my disclaimer.....
So, hello Sailor, are you going to tell me then?
--
>Kat<
©
>kat<
<mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>>
>> > In article <81ee5n$nft$1...@ayers.ftech.net>, Manic
>> > <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>> > >OK - rubber hammers dropped - list amended below (love the long weight
>BTW,
>> > >reminds me of the poor kid we used to send up to the roof to wait for
>the
>> > >mail copter!)
>> > <snipped list of things that only men would be gullible enough to fall
>> > for>
>> >
>> > More of a naval thing but I believe new recruits were sent to search for
>> > the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case if it
>> > means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
>> > >Kat<
>> > ©
>>
>> Hah Hah, I suggest you go find a sailor to explain this one.
>> I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
>>
>
>You've plumbed new depths with this pun!
>
>
--
>Kat<
©
>kat<
<n...@doc.ic.ac.uk> writes
>Rich Ham wrote:
>> Manic wrote:
>> > news:383AD1D9...@hotmail.com...
>> > > ">kat<" wrote:
>> > > > In article <81ee5n$nft$1...@ayers.ftech.net>, Manic
>> > > > <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>for
>> > > > the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case if it
>> > > > means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
>> > > > --
>> > > > >Kat<
>> > > > ©
>> > >
>> > > Hah Hah, I suggest you go find a sailor to explain this one.
>> > > I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
>> > >
>> > > Rich.
>> >
>> > You've plumbed new depths with this pun!
>>
>
>Whale, are you going to explain? You're keeping us in the
>dark on porpoise.
>
--
>Kat<
©
Tristán White
>In article <383AD9F6...@doc.ic.ac.uk>, Nat Pryce
><n...@doc.ic.ac.uk> writes
>>Rich Ham wrote:
>>> Manic wrote:
>>> > Rich Ham <rham...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>> > news:383AD1D9...@hotmail.com...
>>> > > ">kat<" wrote:
>>> > > > In article <81ee5n$nft$1...@ayers.ftech.net>, Manic
>>> > > > <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>>> > > > More of a naval thing but I believe new recruits were sent to
search
>>for
>>> > > > the golden rivet; I may have this completely wrong, in which case
if it
>>> > > > means something obscene I'm suitably embarrassed in advance...
>>> > > > --
>>> > > I don't think you have fathomed the full implications.
>>> > > Rich.
>>> > You've plumbed new depths with this pun!
>>> Water you talking about?
>>Whale, are you going to explain? You're keeping us in the
>>dark on porpoise.
>Think we're going to have a maritime with this one....
Oh shit, we're not pissing about with more silly puns are we?
Manic
news:81enpl$b9o$1...@newsreaderg1.core.theplanet.net...
Yep. This thread is sunk!
timi the tosspot
Nige wrote in message <383B4A...@gre.ac.uk>...
>double-ended nails
and a spiral plumb line.
timi the tosspot - i8u 42828680
tiny
> OK - rubber hammers dropped - list amended below (love the
> long weight BTW, reminds me of the poor kid we used to send
> up to the roof to wait for the mail copter!)
When a new guy at the Unemployment Benefit Office, pissed
someone off we would send them looking for the lost claim tray.
>kat<
<tim....@rsole.btinternet.com> writesThe story of my life.....
when ever I mention the golden rivet, I've been met with resounding
silence. Will someone perleese explain...... by email if necessary!
--
>Kat<
©
>kat<
<mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
--
>Kat<
©
Lanimal
Manic wrote:
>
> OK - here's a list of 'fake objects' that the new lads at work always seem
> to get sent out for.
> Are there any *significant* examples that I'm missing?
> (Preferably hardware based...)
>
> Board Stretchers
> Brass Magnets
> Dehydrated Water
> Left Handed Monkey Wrenches
> Left Handed Screwdrivers
> Liquid Magnets
> Prop Wash (Bucket of)
> Rubber Hammers
> Shoreline (30m length)
> Sky Hooks
> Smoke Shifters
> Striped Paint
> Widgets
Tartan shoe polish, ISTR
Cheers
L
>kat<
>I'd love to Kat, but I'm in ignorance myself, as per usual.
>
>But if someone does explain it, could you pass it along to me, please?
Of course...
But I fear that both of us we remain ignorant ;(
--
>Kat<
Š
tiny
Looks like it. Given the choice between looking for the
golden rivet or continuing the pun, I hose ..............
tiny
wrote in message news:383B4A...@gre.ac.uk...
> double-ended nails
KAT DO NOT LOOK.
Left handed screws
Lanimal
">kat<" wrote:
>
> In article <81epb7$l1m$1...@uranium.btinternet.com>, timi the tosspot
> <tim....@rsole.btinternet.com> writes
> >
> >Nige wrote in message <383B4A...@gre.ac.uk>...
> >>double-ended nails
> >
> >
> >and a spiral plumb line.
> The story of my life.....
> when ever I mention the golden rivet, I've been met with resounding
> silence. Will someone perleese explain...... by email if necessary!
> --
> >Kat<
> Š
I'd love to Kat, but I'm in ignorance myself, as per usual.
But if someone does explain it, could you pass it along to me, please?
Ta
L
Manic
news:u+EVVfA8...@cwcom.net...
> In article <AvQ6OHAYukuFRR...@4ax.com>, Rogi <ro...@indigo.ie>
> writes
> >On Tue, 23 Nov 1999 19:39:07 +0000, ">kat<" <katri...@cwcom.net>
> >wrote:
> >
> >>The story of my life.....
> >>when ever I mention the golden rivet, I've been met with resounding
> >>silence. Will someone perleese explain...... by email if necessary!
> >
> So you know the secret do you?
> Well you whisper it to Lanimal and he can whisper it to me...
> --
> >Kat<
> ©
A quick amphibian impersonation for kat's benefit:
rivet-rivet
>kat<
>kat<
<mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
>
>rivet-rivet
Been at the Budweiser have we?
--
>Kat<
©
tiny
> Tartan shoe polish
Reflective, tartan shoe polish
tiny
> In article <81epb7$l1m$1...@uranium.btinternet.com>, timi the tosspot
> <tim....@rsole.btinternet.com> writes
> >
> >Nige wrote in message <383B4A...@gre.ac.uk>...
> >>double-ended nails
> >
> >
> >and a spiral plumb line.
> when ever I mention the golden rivet, I've been met with resounding
> silence. Will someone perleese explain...... by email if necessary!
The usual reference is to railways.
No idea what a sailor would do with it.
>kat<
<t_cl...@hotmail.com> writes
together with....
>
>
--
>Kat<
©
Dot
<mänic@dépressivé.co.uk> writes
one of those. The boss met her on his way back to the office, let her
continue on her fruitless mission and called me in for a ticking off
while struggling not to laugh!)
Tin of elbow grease. (Friend of mine spent ages looking under the
kitchen sink for this as a child after her father said he needed some)
Vintage Beaujolais Nouveau - only the best wine shops stock this.
--
Kennedy
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
Python Philosophers (replace 'nospam' with 'kennedym' when replying)
Terry
> --
Camouflage paint
A bubble for a spirit level
A leg puller
--
"Oh my God, it smells like arse out here!" Eric Cartman
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icklesheep
Lanimal wrote in message <383AF182...@null.com>...
>I'd love to Kat, but I'm in ignorance myself, as per usual.
>
>But if someone does explain it, could you pass it along to me, please?
>
Intuition
Go to the stores for a 'Long Weight'
;
On Tue, 23 Nov 1999 15:51:00 -0000, "Manic" <mänic@dépressivé.co.uk>
wrote:
Steve Massheder
...or a few pints of diluted water.
Steve
Rich Ham
> ">kat<" <katri...@cwcom.net> wrote in message
> news:KPNMJBAb...@cwcom.net...
> > In article <81epb7$l1m$1...@uranium.btinternet.com>, timi the tosspot
> > <tim....@rsole.btinternet.com> writes
> > >
> > >Nige wrote in message <383B4A...@gre.ac.uk>...
> > >>double-ended nails
> > >
> > >
> > >and a spiral plumb line.
> > The story of my life.....
> > when ever I mention the golden rivet, I've been met with resounding
> > silence. Will someone perleese explain...... by email if necessary!
>
> The usual reference is to railways.
> No idea what a sailor would do with it.
Interesting, may be its there for the same reason?
Of course most rivets on boats are made of other metals, which is why the
golden one is sooooo important.
Never heard of one mentioned aboard an aeroplane.
Rich.
Majse
him and his manager went out the pick up loads of garments, the manager
asked him to unload the car, and when he went to inspect his work he found
my dad had left a coathanger behind the seat and he shouted at my dad: "WHEN
I ASK YOU TO UNLOAD THE CAR I MEAN UNLOAD ALL OF IT", and then he went
inside the butique, in the meantime my dad did as told "totally" unloaded
the car, he took out the carseats, stearingwheel - the lot!!!
Mind you he never stayed in the retail buissness for long................
Zasgar
person went to "find a skirting-board ladder". Its sad at the time but
amusing when you finally meet someone more naive than you were.
Intuition <nick.f...@iitm.co.uk> wrote in message
news:383bc2fe...@news.in2home.co.uk...
tiny
news:383af...@newsread3.dircon.co.uk...
Nor did anyone else.