A.R.K PARTY-LIKE EVENT DATE TO BE ANNOUNCED TOMORROW
James Kibo Parry
The winners of the September A.R.K contest will be announced at the party
(and then the people not cool enough to come to Boston will have to find
out on the Internet, EWWWW!)
-- K.
I would announce the date now
but that would entail making
a decision. Anyway, I've got
a big room reserved, pending
me picking a date.
Captain Infinity
James "Kibo" Parry wrote:
> -- K.
>
> I would announce the date now
> but that would entail making
> a decision. Anyway, I've got
> a big room reserved, pending
> me picking a date.
Maybe there should be a contest for people to find you a date.
October's Contest: Find Kibo a date for the ARK Part-Like Event!
That way you won't have to keep asking Barry, and you won't be so
distressed when he keeps avoiding you.
Hey, the contest could be to find a date for everyone else, too. That
would be nice. Last year only one person had a date. No, wait...two,
actually, since they came together.*
Holdit holdit holdit, whack me with a parser, you said "picking" a date.
Isn't that illegal in Mass? Unlike "axing" a date, which is legal in NY.
>The winners of the September A.R.K contest will be announced at the party
>(and then the people not cool enough to come to Boston will have to find
>out on the Internet, EWWWW!)
I think the ARKPLE should be held *on* the internet. Everybody gets
together at WSTD, gathers in a big room filled with computers, logs on and
sits there giggling and typing. Every once in a while someone yells
BA-DUMP BUMP! or DOIDY! or FREEZERBURN! or BWA HA HA HAAAAA!
And we'll all be listening for that special moment when a roomful of
typists ALL STOP TYPING AT ONCE in mid-thought and the place gets eerily
quiet. Then everyone laughs and goes back to insulting Lee Bumgarner.
And then my connection will crash and I'll call WSTD Tech Support and yell
on the phone at a guy who is sitting twenty feet from me. But he won't be
able to help me because I have no clue what a "man page" is, but since *HE*
DOES WHY DOESN'T HE JUST *READ* IT TO ME!? HUNH? NO CHERRY PEZ FOR HIM!
Ahem. Excuse me.
BTW, I'm bring Cherry PEZ to the ARKPLE**, so start salivating...NOW!
**
Captain Infinity
...* This year I'm coming with my multiple personalities, so make sure
it's a LARGE room.
...** Thank you, Jaime!
Sean Smith
>
>Maybe there should be a contest for people to find you a date.
>October's Contest: Find Kibo a date for the ARK Part-Like Event!
"You'll find all your Kibological needs at your local ARK Part stores!
Giant 'H's? We got 'em! By the ton!
Jumbo-size Animal 57 Chow Mix! In raspberry and suppository!
This week -- nudibranches, 39 cents a ton! Best deal on the block!
Open 25 hours a day if you're Lee Bumgartner!
[echo]
AAAARRRRRRRRK PPPARRRRRRRRT!!!!!"
Sean ("It would sound really good if Mr. Carvel Ice Cream would read it") Smith
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu
Because some things
can't be helped--http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6504;
Featuring "Daze and Quirks"
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"...Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed."
--William McGonagall,
"The Tay Bridge Disaster" (1880)
Chris Franks
> Sean ("It would sound really good if Mr. Carvel Ice Cream would read it") Smith
tended to rust out real fast and the middle of the car would drag the
ground even though the front and rear ends were supported by the tires,
just like a sway-backed horse, sort of. I had a personalized license
plate that said "Le Carv" but it got worn out transferring it from car
to car as they died.
Jaffo
:In article <36347b5d...@news-f.std.com>, Infi...@world.std.com says...
:>
:>Maybe there should be a contest for people to find you a date.
:>October's Contest: Find Kibo a date for the ARK Part-Like Event!
: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
:"You'll find all your Kibological needs at your local ARK Part stores!
:
:Giant 'H's? We got 'em! By the ton!
Ton O' H? Sounds like fictional profanity from Babylon 5.
:Jumbo-size Animal 57 Chow Mix! In raspberry and suppository!
How many times do I have to say this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SUPPOSITORY IS
NOT A FLAVOR!
Jaffo
--
"All right, I experimented with gold and that was a flop.
Why shouldn't I experiment a little with silver?" -- FDR
Blackhawk
(James "Kibo" Parry) wrote:
> Jaffo (ja...@jaffo.com) wrote:
> >
> > Sean Smith (smt...@bcvms.bc.edu) said:
> > >
> > > Captain Infinity (Infi...@world.std.com) says...
> > > >
> > > > Maybe there should be a contest for people to find you a date.
> > > > October's Contest: Find Kibo a date for the ARK Part-Like Event!
> > > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> > > "You'll find all your Kibological needs at your local ARK Part stores!
> > >
> > > Giant 'H's? We got 'em! By the ton!
> >
> > Ton O' H? Sounds like fictional profanity from Babylon 5.
> >
> > > Jumbo-size Animal 57 Chow Mix! In raspberry and suppository!
> >
> > How many times do I have to say this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SUPPOSITORY IS
> > NOT A FLAVOR!
>
> SUPPOSITORY IS A FLAVOR FOR I HAVE TOUCHED THE SKY!
>
> -- Harlan Ellison, founder, Oracle
MIRAMANEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- Kirok,
Claudia Christian's 1st husband
Nick S Bensema
Captain Infinity <Infi...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
>Hey, the contest could be to find a date for everyone else, too. That
>would be nice. Last year only one person had a date. No, wait...two,
>actually, since they came together.*
subscribe.
I have a week off, and even though I probably can't make it, a date that
I can't make it to is better than no date at all.
I bet if I were BEV I'd get three plane tickets there in my mailbox
EACH DAY!
</bumgarner>
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@primenet.com> 98-KUPD Red Card #710563 UIN: 2135445
~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
duh
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > I would announce the date now but that would entail making a decision.
> > Anyway, I've got a big room reserved, pending me picking a date.
>
Thank you for diagramming my deliberate double-entendre.
If it weren't deliberate, it would have been a Freudian Slip!
And then I'd have to date Freud. ICKY!!!
> > The winners of the September A.R.K contest will be announced at the party
> > (and then the people not cool enough to come to Boston will have to find
> > out on the Internet, EWWWW!)
>
> I think the ARKPLE should be held *on* the internet. Everybody gets
> together at WSTD, gathers in a big room filled with computers, logs on and
> sits there giggling and typing. Every once in a while someone yells
> BA-DUMP BUMP! or DOIDY! or FREEZERBURN! or BWA HA HA HAAAAA!
> And we'll all be listening for that special moment when a roomful of
> typists ALL STOP TYPING AT ONCE in mid-thought and the place gets eerily
> quiet. Then everyone laughs and goes back to insulting Lee Bumgarner.
>
> And then my connection will crash and I'll call WSTD Tech Support and yell
> on the phone at a guy who is sitting twenty feet from me. But he won't be
> able to help me because I have no clue what a "man page" is, but since *HE*
> DOES WHY DOESN'T HE JUST *READ* IT TO ME!? HUNH? NO CHERRY PEZ FOR HIM!
Twenty feet? The party's more like _thirty_ feet away from Tech Support.
HA! HA! I JUST SLAPPED YOU WITH A WITTY PUTDOWN!!! OH, WHAT A ZINGER!!!
It's in the whispering gallery down the hall. It's called a whispering
gallery because no matter how loud you yell, Tech Support can't hear you
from there. We use it for primal scream therapy.
Here's the lowdown (detailed directions etc. to follow) --
I wanted to organize it for Saturday Nov. 14, to make it easier for
people who have like jobs and stuff and crap on weekdays, but then
the building would be locked and nobody but me would be able to come.
And the losers who work there. So instead I'm going to say that it's
FRIDAY THE 13TH (NOVEMBER XIII)
because then the door will be unlocked during the dinnertime hours
(it's open during business hours, then afterwards it's still open
but they have a security guard hanging around. They don't lock it
until 9 or so.) So I'm going to say
SHOW UP ANY OLD TIME FROM 6:00 ON, PREFERABLY BEFORE 9:00
...if we go out for dinner or something we'll have to stick
together because I'll be the only one with a key to the building once
they lock it around 9:00. The location is
IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY OF BOSTON (BROOKLINE)
with detailed directions to follow in a page or two. Party-like events
(remember, this is NOT a party, it's just a bunch of nerds getting together
in the same room to eat stuff and talk and listen to music and maybe even
do dorky dances) are scheduled to include:
* The unveiling of a Gold Disk of the Most Kibological Party Mix ever
* The amazing "Shatner or Twirling Boy?" party game for adults
* Kibo presenting the September '98 A.R.K contest awards
* Others may win special party surprises from Kibo's grab bag
(chances are increased if YOU remember to bring something for KIBO, too.)
* Hopefully I'll have a terminal running IRC so that Cap'n Infinity
can tell all the people in Finland what fun we're having that they're not
* The "What Will Fit In Rambo's Mouth?" guessing game (only if
Archimedes Plutonium shows up)
* See what color Barry's face turns when accidentally unplug The World
* And a personal appearance by Kibo, in person, or at least some
wino dressed up as "one of Kibo's helpers"
For those of you who are making a weekend trip, or who cannot come after
work on Friday, I'm hoping to have some sort of low-key gathering
(maybe a trip to the silly Computer Museum or Science Museum) on Saturday
the 14th so that you won't feel neglected the way you currently are.
Here are the specific directions:
SPECIFIC DIRECTIONS FOR ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM:
1.) Go to Boston on your bike. Leave Dartmouth about five minutes before
the party begins so as not to be late.
2.) Park your bike by tossing it into one of those big blue metal bins
labelled "BFI" (Bikes Fit Inside) behind the Boston Public Library.
3.) Take the Orange Line to Forest Hills, then walk a short distance
to the Arborway Green Line station and wait for an "A" train.
4.) Go to the end of the line at Lechmere, and walk to the Lechmere store.
Ask a helpful, intelligent Lechmere clerk for directions.
5.) Follow the clerk's directions to the interesection of Walk and Don't Walk.
6.) Turn east and walk in a straight line for fifty thousand miles.
FOR SANE PEOPLE, BY PUBLIC TRANSIT:
1.) Find Boston.
2.) Find the subway/streetcar system.
3.) Find the Green Line. If coming from anywhere else, go to Park Street
and look for the Westbound trains.
4.) Get on board a "C" Green Line train. Note: Not a "B". Not a "D".
Not a crossed-out "E". Not a "Lechmere". Not a "Braintree".
And especially not an "A".
5.) Ride the "C" (Cleveland Circle) train to Coolidge Corner. Just
remember the five C's and you can't go wrong, unless you go to
Cleveland Circle. Go to Coolidge Corner.
FOR SANE PEOPLE, BY CAR:
1.) Drive to the Boston area.
2.) Park at the big (T) garage at Alewife (in the north) or Quincy
(in the south) or something, ride the Red Line to Park Street,
then go to step 3 above.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRIVE INTO BOSTON. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PARK IN BOSTON.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PARKING YOUR CAR IN HARVARD YARD WITH TASHA YAR
AND THE EYE OF ARGON AND A YAR'S REVENGE CARTRIDGE, HAR DE HAR HAR.
If you do attempt to drive, ask for directions to Coolidge Corner, then
drive around about a week until you find a parking spot somewhere in
Massachusetts.
MAP OF COOLIDGE CORNER:
|
+------+ |
| ST&D | | <-[ C TRAINS ]
+-=----O | <-[ STOP HERE ]
----------------+--------------------------- BEACON STREET
| +------+
| |TRADER|
HARVARD| +-JOE'S+
ST.|
|
Software Tool & Die (operators of The World) are located in the
S. S. Pierce Building, a big white Euro-style thing with a clock tower ("O").
The entrance is half a block down Beacon Street where the "=" is,
and can be recognized as a big brass-and-glass door which weighs
about five thousand million pounds. (Dainty women should wait for
manly men to arrive to open the door for them.) Inside, ignore the
elevator and walk up the flight of stairs behind it. At the top
of the U-shaped staircase, turn left and go straight until you
bump into a glass door. Bandage your nose and go inside.
Turn right at the tank with the deadly tropical fish and then turn
left and you will be in a big room filled with Kibologists, or at
least filled with Kibo and his massive ego. Stop. Present Kibo with a gift.
If for some reason you get lost, or you get locked out, the office
phone is 739-0202. (Ask for Kibo.) Note that 739-0202 rings the
hassled tech support department, who will be too busy to spend much time at
the super-awesome Party-Like Event, so please be kind and don't ask them
to fix your computer's broken 4x cup holder.
For those who navigate by finding 1 Beacon Street and counting buildings
for several miles, ST&D is 1330 Beacon Street. Also note that Harvard Street
is not near Harvard University, Harvard Yard, Harvard Square, the Harvard
Bridge, or "JOHN HARVARD'S BREW HOUfE".
Stay tuned to a.r.k for important updates in case plans change or anything.
Also please drop me an E-mail (ki...@world.std.com) if you're planning to come
so I can guess how many body bags^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hfunny party hats to order.
Feel free to bring a friend or two, but please don't repost this on
random newsgroups/mailing lists.
-- K.
That reminds me,
I still need to ask
my boss about this.
P.S. Remember: gifts FOR Kibo.
James Kibo Parry
>
> Sean Smith (smt...@bcvms.bc.edu) said:
> >
> > Captain Infinity (Infi...@world.std.com) says...
> > >
Pope Emperor FrogMaN
ja...@jaffo.com (Jaffo) was abducted by psychotic Alfs ("yo!"),
anally probed, and decreed:
>How many times do I have to say this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SUPPOSITORY IS
>NOT A FLAVOR!
>
>Jaffo
Oh, but it is, Jaffo little buddy. Oh, bit it is.
========================================================
* * * * P L E A S E D O N ' T P O S T T H I S * * * *
"either_you_buy_at_our_place_or_we'll_clone_your_mother" -- Henning Halfpap
"KRAFT FOODS -- A SANDWICH OF FRIENDS" -- Reynard D. Fox
Pope Emperor FrogMaN the ZermaCroYd GuavaHeaD, XXXVIII
Patron Saint of Easy Cheese, Burrowing Worms, and those
edible candy necklaces. Founder and King God of the Order
of the Burrowing Worm and Holy Guava.
"please don't post this." -- Dorothy Defoy.
http://home.earthlink.net/~rtoad/timmy.htm
TIM BROWN THE DR. KEVORKIAN POSTER CHILD!
========================================================
Michael Mr. Groovy Toole
Uh-huh. And "impactful" is an adjective, too. At least, according to
the United States Postal Service propaganda posters.
> -- Harlan Ellison, founder, Oracle
Hey, now. Larry Czonka is the one true Oracle, not this Renny Harlan guy.
--
michael "mr. groovy" toole ------> chie...@animejump.com
Anime Jump WWW magazine. Go here: www.animejump.com
"You can take your Stars, and you can take your Bucks,
And you can shove 'em up your ass-- 'cause your coffee sucks!"
--Skavoovie & the Epitones
amp
>Just wanted to let you people know I haven't forgotten.
>
>The winners of the September A.R.K contest will be announced at the party
>(and then the people not cool enough to come to Boston will have to find
>out on the Internet, EWWWW!)
>
> -- K.
>
> I would announce the date now
> but that would entail making
> a decision. Anyway, I've got
> a big room reserved, pending
> me picking a date.
Don't forget another special room for the lurkers!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! I've delurked fleeeeeeeeeee!!!!1
£"$"134NO CARRIER
Sean Smith
open...@sirius.com says...
>> > > Jumbo-size Animal 57 Chow Mix! In raspberry and suppository!
>> >
>> > NOT A FLAVOR!
>>
>>
>
> -- Kirok,
> Claudia Christian's 1st husband
"No! NO BLAH-BLAH-BLAH!"
-- "Tellim Jim" Kirk
Mean yukky "grup"
Which reminds me: Why did Michael J. Pollard demand to be credited as Michael J.
Pollard? Was there a Michael B. Pollard guest-starring on "Time Tunnel," or
a Michael Q. Pollard on "Medical Center" that week?
Sean ("I'll vote for any politician who promises an ample supply of Michael
Pollards in our entertainment industry") Smith
smt...@bcvms.bc.edu
Because some things
can't be helped--http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6504;
Featuring "Daze and Quirks"
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Do you think we can get all these folks, with their college education, to do
their finest impersonation of a blue-tick hound dog?"
--Walt Michael, at the 1998 Old Songs festival
Sean Smith
Thomas R Scudder
: It was Fri, 23 Oct 1998 08:22:19 GMT when ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writed:
: > -- K.
: >
: > I would announce the date now
: > but that would entail making
: > a decision. Anyway, I've got
: > a big room reserved, pending
: > me picking a date.
: Don't forget another special room for the lurkers!!
No, the lurkers can be in the big room with the adults, but they have to
wear a special hat with a flashing red light on it, and if anyone talks to
them, or in ANY WAY acknowledges their presence, they (the person who
talked, not the Lurker) get pelted with anchovies.
--
Tom Scudder aka tom...@umich.edu <*> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~tomscud
Squeezing flinthead trout "I contradict myself? Very well,
in their massive jaws, sparks fly: I contra- hey, wait. No I don't!"
Bears discover fire.
Dean Lenort
>Jaffo (ja...@jaffo.com) wrote:
>>
>> Sean Smith (smt...@bcvms.bc.edu) said:
>> > Jumbo-size Animal 57 Chow Mix! In raspberry and suppository!
>>
>> How many times do I have to say this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SUPPOSITORY IS
>> NOT A FLAVOR!
>
>SUPPOSITORY IS A FLAVOR FOR I HAVE TOUCHED THE SKY!
"Do you mind if I use that as a quote?" - Michael J. Sacks
--
Dean Lenort | I really don't appreciate you turning my fear
| of biscuits into some kind of sex thing. - Jaffo
Dean Lenort
>No, the lurkers can be in the big room with the adults, but they have to
>wear a special hat with a flashing red light on it, and if anyone talks to
>them, or in ANY WAY acknowledges their presence, they (the person who
>talked, not the Lurker) get pelted with anchovies.
<brian eable>
the wanton slaughter of anchovies for their pelts has reached horrific
proportions. each day, millions of anchovies are herded mercilessily into
huge milling throngs where they are clubbed to death and then skinned of
their pelts. the bodies are left to rot on the cold Austrian beaches that
are the last home of these noble creatures. while the anchovy meat is
edible, the profits from the pelting industry dwarf the insignificant
profit that might be earned from processing the anchovy carcasses so the
bodies are left for the bloated scavengers that haunt the killing grounds.
yes, the noble anchovy used to be thrive in many remote locations
throughout the world, but the fashions of victorian Asieoniezi demanded
pelts in huge numbers to encircle the girths of the fashionable. these
noble beasts were hunted to near extinction, but through the heroic efforts
of a few dedicated individuals the anchovy was saved from following the
passenger pigeon into oblivion.
while the anchovy is currently safe from extinction, each and every day
these creatures are killed by a cruel and heartless industry. calls to the
united nations for help are ignored and protesters are routinely savaged by
the powerful anchovy lobby.
perhaps you don't think you can do anything to help. perhaps you don't
feel as though your voice can be heard. well it can't so just forget the
whole thing and have a barbecue party! mmm... tasty grilled anchovies!
<brian eable>
--
Dean Lenort | ARK IS FOR WHACKY BOZOS WHO KNOW IT! NANAB
dean....@att.net | IS FOR WHACKY BOZOS WHO DON'T! - E. Holmes
Michael J. Sacks
> "Do you mind if I use that as a quote?" - Michael J. Sacks
"Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted."
--Hesketh Pearson
"I just want Jaffo to know that THIS is quote material." --Dean Lenort
Mike Sacks
The Avocado Avenger
>It was Fri, 23 Oct 1998 08:22:19 GMT when ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writed:
>>Just wanted to let you people know I haven't forgotten.
>>
>>The winners of the September A.R.K contest will be announced at the party
>>(and then the people not cool enough to come to Boston will have to find
>>out on the Internet, EWWWW!)
>>
>> -- K.
>>
>> I would announce the date now
>> but that would entail making
>> a decision. Anyway, I've got
>> a big room reserved, pending
>> me picking a date.
>Don't forget another special room for the lurkers!!
I found out in 1994 that the room for the lurkers was actually the
little broom closet thingie in the kitchen of the motel the real ARK'ers
are staying in. It's not so bad if you bring a "Tickle Me Elmo" along.
They all stay in one room, where they take turns sleeping on the bed
(switching every 4.3 minutes) and they usually spend all their time eating
sheet cake.
So it's sort of a toss-up as to which is the lesser of the two evils.
>aaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! I've delurked fleeeeeeeeeee!!!!1
I don't think you can delurk someone else. Whoever this "fleeeeeeeeeee"
guy is, he'll have to do it himself.
Stacia * The Avocado Avenger * Life is a tale told by an idiot;
http://www.io.com/~stacia/ * Full of sound and fury,
Remove the guacamole to reply! * Signifying nothing.
The Avocado Avenger
><brian eable>
>the wanton slaughter of anchovies for their pelts has reached horrific
[snip]
>whole thing and have a barbecue party! mmm... tasty grilled anchovies!
><brian eable>
We're sorry, Dean, but your HTML doesn't parse correctly. You'll have
to hand over your HTML license and blazer badge.
Aaron A.
lingerie...
The winners of the September A.R.K contest will be announced at the
party (and then the people not cool enough to come to Boston will have
to find out on the Internet, EWWWW!)
>
-- K.
I would announce the date now
but that would entail making
a decision. Anyway, I've got
a big room reserved, pending
me picking a date.
<anti-snip>
Up here in Alaska, we have this contest every year; Its called the
Nenana Ice Classic, and Alaskans bet on what day, hour, and minute the
ice in the Nenana River (up by Fairbanks) will break up and head out for
sea. This comes from an old betting pool created by the original white
dudes who came up here, prob'ly because there is nothing for old
curmudgeony white folks to do up here in Frickin'-Coldsville, AK, 90210.
AND THE POINT IS... [opens the envelope] ARK should have such a contest
to bet on when Kibo will finally announce the date of the party. Wadda
y'all think?
Matt McIrvin
>Hey, the contest could be to find a date for everyone else, too. That
>would be nice. Last year only one person had a date. No, wait...two,
>actually, since they came together.*
>
>Holdit holdit holdit, whack me with a parser, you said "picking" a date.
>Isn't that illegal in Mass? Unlike "axing" a date, which is legal in NY.
We go over the border to New Hampshire to pick our dates.
They've got a special modification to the blue laws now that lets
you pick them within 25 miles of the border, actually. But that
wasn't passed until 1997.
>I think the ARKPLE should be held *on* the internet. Everybody gets
>together at WSTD, gathers in a big room filled with computers, logs on and
>sits there giggling and typing. Every once in a while someone yells
>BA-DUMP BUMP! or DOIDY! or FREEZERBURN! or BWA HA HA HAAAAA!
>And we'll all be listening for that special moment when a roomful of
>typists ALL STOP TYPING AT ONCE in mid-thought and the place gets eerily
>quiet. Then everyone laughs and goes back to insulting Lee Bumgarner.
You secretly went to William and Mary and hung out in the room of TVI-920s
under that girls' dorm, didn't you?
Actually, people would only say things in order to explain the sentences
they couldn't type because they contained letters that were not
functioning on that particular keyboard. Or the letter X, which was
missing from PRIMOS for historical reasons.
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Dean Lenort
>dean....@att.net (Dean Lenort) writes:
>
>><brian eable>
>>the wanton slaughter of anchovies for their pelts has reached horrific
>[snip]
>>whole thing and have a barbecue party! mmm... tasty grilled anchovies!
>><brian eable>
>
> We're sorry, Dean, but your HTML doesn't parse correctly. You'll have
>to hand over your HTML license and blazer badge.
Well Avocado, if that is your real name, I see you don't have anything
better to do than stalk me up and down Usenet finding my occasional errors
and pointing them out. Are you some sort of gay homosexual that is only
doing what Shein tells you to do? Because of your rampant stalking I was
forced this afternoon in an imaginary fight to not only I punch you in the
nose, but I also pointed out that you smell bad and that your mom dresses
you funny!
Now that you are reeling in abject misery I shall withdraw and enjoy some
coconut covered canned fruit. Mmm... coconutty.
--
Dean Lenort dean....@att.net
ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM IS A LIE...YOU KNOW ABOUT BAY WATCH? - MegaHal
Captain Infinity
Aaron A. wrote:
>AND THE POINT IS... [opens the envelope] ARK should have such a contest
>to bet on when Kibo will finally announce the date of the party. Wadda
>y'all think?
Sounds cool.
I'm betting he announces it on
Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 9037 centons, 01 microns, 8.5 abians
And now I will time-travel into the past to see if I was right. BRB.
Back. I was right. I'll be happy to collect my prize on November 13.
**
Captain Infinity
...never place a "when will it happen?" bet with a time-traveler
Richard E. Nickle
Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote in article
<mmcirvin-251...@ppp0a016.std.com>...
| In article <36347b5d...@news-f.std.com>, Infi...@world.std.com
| (Captain Infinity) wrote:
|
| >Hey, the contest could be to find a date for everyone else, too. That
| >would be nice. Last year only one person had a date. No, wait...two,
| >actually, since they came together.*
| >
| >Holdit holdit holdit, whack me with a parser, you said "picking" a date.
| >Isn't that illegal in Mass? Unlike "axing" a date, which is legal in
NY.
|
| We go over the border to New Hampshire to pick our dates.
|
| They've got a special modification to the blue laws now that lets
| you pick them within 25 miles of the border, actually. But that
| wasn't passed until 1997.
Well, yeah, in THEORY! But those Mass Department of Revenue Agents (or as
Snuffy Smith would call them 'REVENOOERS') like to hang out right on the
border and write down the license plate numbers of anybody that comes out
of New Hampshire with more people than they went in with, then they assess
you for 5% of the retail value through the mail.
| >I think the ARKPLE should be held *on* the internet. Everybody gets
| >together at WSTD, gathers in a big room filled with computers, logs on
and
| >sits there giggling and typing. Every once in a while someone yells
| >BA-DUMP BUMP! or DOIDY! or FREEZERBURN! or BWA HA HA HAAAAA!
| >And we'll all be listening for that special moment when a roomful of
| >typists ALL STOP TYPING AT ONCE in mid-thought and the place gets eerily
| >quiet. Then everyone laughs and goes back to insulting Lee Bumgarner.
|
| You secretly went to William and Mary and hung out in the room of
TVI-920s
| under that girls' dorm, didn't you?
Dear Mr. Dr. Matt "Snuffy" McIrvin,
Please to be stopping giving away the part of the movie Porky's where the
sad college boys all try to take a peek-a-boo look through the peephole
into the girls shower and see the girls typing on Lear-Siegler ADM 3a
terminals.
| Actually, people would only say things in order to explain the sentences
| they couldn't type because they contained letters that were not
| functioning on that particular keyboard. Or the letter X, which was
| missing from PRIMOS for historical reasons.
Actually all the Roman numerals were missing from PRIMOS. Did you ever
notice that all of the Roman numerals exhibit a property of symmetry in
at least one dimension? I, M & V in the vertical plane, D and C in the
horizontal, and X in both. L of course needs a little coaxing to fit
this rule, but it can be cajoled into a certain amount of symmetry.
This also doesn't apply to the Roman symbol for zero, the "J".
| --
| Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
--
Rick Nickle
"I type my signatures as I go along, because my Win95 machine doesn't
understand ~/.signature. Also, 'finger' doesn't work."
The Avocado Avenger
>sta...@io.guacamole.com (The Avocado Avenger) wrote:
>>dean....@att.net (Dean Lenort) writes:
>>
>>><brian eable>
>>>the wanton slaughter of anchovies for their pelts has reached horrific
>>[snip]
>>>whole thing and have a barbecue party! mmm... tasty grilled anchovies!
>>><brian eable>
>>
>> We're sorry, Dean, but your HTML doesn't parse correctly. You'll have
>>to hand over your HTML license and blazer badge.
I answered all this on the employment application, but here goes:
>Well Avocado, if that is your real name,
It's *Ms* Avocado, but no one here in Kansas is able to pronounce Ms,
apparently.
>I see you don't have anything
>better to do than stalk me up and down Usenet finding my occasional errors
<peter-lorre>
I find you... strangely attractive.
</peter-lorre>
>and pointing them out.
IYKWIM.
>Are you some sort of gay homosexual that is only
>doing what Shein tells you to do?
Uh. Who is Shein and is a gay homosexual really a straight lesbian?
>Because of your rampant stalking I was
>forced this afternoon in an imaginary fight to not only I punch you in the
>nose,
Noses. I have three.
>but I also pointed out that you smell bad
It's the Vicks Vap-O-Rub.
>Now that you are reeling in abject misery I shall withdraw and enjoy some
>coconut covered canned fruit. Mmm... coconutty.
And I'll have some pepper spray on my eggs. On spray and I'm south of
the border! Mmmmm... incapacitating.
Joseph Michael Bay
> And I'll have some pepper spray on my eggs. On spray and I'm south of
>the border! Mmmmm... incapacitating.
Mmm . . . incapacapsaicinnamunchycrunchy.
This reminds me of the dinner party I had right before learning that
"mace" the spice was not the same as "mace" the personal defense spray.
--
Joseph Bay Mmmm . . . antigenic.
"Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed". "Dog's don't know it's not Bacon".
Hi! I'm a replicative .signature transposon! Copy me into your .signature!
Mark Hill
Infi...@world.std.com (Captain Infinity) writes:
> I'm betting he announces it on
> Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 9037 centons, 01 microns, 8.5 abians
Is that before or after you set your clock back one abian because of
going off daylight saving time?
Leah Verre
Michael Bay) wrote:
>sta...@io.guacamole.com (The Avocado Avenger) writes:
>
>> And I'll have some pepper spray on my eggs. On spray and I'm south of
>>the border! Mmmmm... incapacitating.
>
>Mmm . . . incapacapsaicinnamunchycrunchy.
>
>This reminds me of the dinner party I had right before learning that
>"mace" the spice was not the same as "mace" the personal defense spray.
>
Really???
WELL NO WONDER!
Holy cow.
Note to self.
James Kibo Parry
>
> Captain Infinity (Infi...@world.std.com) writes:
> >
> > I'm betting he announces it on
> > Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 9037 centons, 01 microns, 8.5 abians
>
> Is that before or after you set your clock back one abian because of
> going off daylight saving time?
You don't set it BACK an Abian, you foolish pre-Cambrian pre-Neanderthal
pre-Neolithic pre-Cambrian Mother Superior who is covered with
200 TONS OF COSMETIC LAVA!!!, you make it an Abian LIGHTER.
Now, which is the heavier and which is the lighter?
(Alexander Abian steps on board the Hindenburg, and it lifts off
from Lakehurst, New Jersey. As it is about to touch down in Iowa,
he scratches his head and sparks come out of the flint behind his
ear, igniting the giant gasbag and then the zeppelin.)
BTW, Cap'n, thanks for the postcard. I didn't realize they were putting
Claudia Christian on postage stamps now. Does this mean she's dead? YAY!!!
-- K.
Ex-husband of television's
bland, textureless, and late
Claudia "Ivanova" Christian,
whose name in Spanish means
"Won't Be In Next Week's Episode".
James Kibo Parry
>
> It's not so bad if you bring a "Tickle Me Elmo" along.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! BLYUHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGH! GAAAAAAAH!
Great, I was trying to let that particular neural pathway atrophy into
nonexistence, but no, you had to reinforce the Tickle Me Elmo Cell in
my cortex. YOU RUINED MY BRAIN!!!
Just for that, I'm going to re-activate some of YOUR least favorite brain cells.
(begins singing)
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
TURTLE POWER!
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
TURTLE POWER!
(repeat)
(repeat)
(repeat)
(repeat)
(repeat)
-- K.
Etienne Rouette
(James "Kibo" Parry) says...
>
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>
> HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
>
> TURTLE POWER!
>
I once again misinterpreted song lyrics. I always kinda sang something
along the lines of "Heroes into action" and "Mega power".
SNAP MY PITCHA, you wimps!
Etienne Rouette
James Kibo Parry
> > > Anyway, I've got a big room reserved, pending me picking a date.
> >
>
> wear a special hat with a flashing red light on it, and if anyone talks to
> them, or in ANY WAY acknowledges their presence, they (the person who
> talked, not the Lurker) get pelted with anchovies.
Can the flashing red light also have a back-up beeper that plays the
theme song to "H. R. Pufnstuf" backwards? At one-quarter speed?
On a music box? Next to an empty rocking chair that keeps going back
and forth and creaking? While a big black bird stares at you? And a
clown laughs? And Kibo's head grows to enormous size and flies around?
I think that would be pretty wacky and NOT AT ALL SCARY. Especially
if we keep the door to this special room closed and all of you people
are in there and the rest of us are at the other party on the Other Earth.
EVERYONE WHO'S NOT A LURKER COME WITH ME,
WE'RE GOING TO THE SPECIAL DIMENSION NOW!
-- K.
You
can't
spell
"lurker"
without
"Urkel".
The Avocado Avenger
>The Avocado Avenger (sta...@io.guacamole.com) wrote:
>>
>> It's not so bad if you bring a "Tickle Me Elmo" along.
>YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! BLYUHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGH! GAAAAAAAH!
>Great, I was trying to let that particular neural pathway atrophy into
>nonexistence, but no, you had to reinforce the Tickle Me Elmo Cell in
>my cortex. YOU RUINED MY BRAIN!!!
At least I didn't ruin your BRANE. I don't know why you men get all
snippy when we do one little thing like mess with your neural pathways.
It's not like you're Geordie freakin' LaForge, ok?!
>Just for that, I'm going to re-activate some of YOUR least favorite brain cells.
>(begins singing)
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
> TURTLE POWER!
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
> TURTLE POWER!
> (repeat)
> (repeat)
> (repeat)
>
> (repeat)
> (repeat)
> -- K.
You don't realize what neurons you just activated.
Back in college, or in the early days of my still unfinished days of
college, I spent many an hour in the rec room of the Union. This was
before I knew about the Internet, obviously. There was a large TMNT game,
where they played the song over and over and over again in one of those
perpetual advertisements which say to teenagers "Put quarters in me!" and
the only recognizable part of the TMNT ad song was "TURTLES ON THE HALF
SHELL! TURTLE POWER!"
So the neurons you have just activated are the ones that can pass a
British Lit. survey course without actually attending it, and can live on
10-cent stale bread loaves and water for months on end.
You, sir, do not realize what you have done.
Christopher Chase
(ki...@world.std.com) blathered:
: (begins singing)
: TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
: TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
: TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
: TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
: HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
: TURTLE POWER!
YOU BASTARD!
Wish. Cornfield. Outtathere!
Excuse me while I go wash my brane out.
--
Chris Chase
Grand Wizard - KPS of Texas
Kamikaze Peep Squad
Thomas R Scudder
: Once upon a time, in alt.religion.kibology, James "Kibo" Parry
: (ki...@world.std.com) blathered:
: : (begins singing)
: : TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
"Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
foreign to translate.
: Excuse me while I go wash my brane out.
All I can say is,
Give peace a chance.
John D Salt
Thomas R Scudder <tom...@umich.edu> wrote:
>Christopher Chase (cha...@uts.cc.utexas.edu) asieoniezi:
>: Once upon a time, in alt.religion.kibology, James "Kibo" Parry
>: (ki...@world.std.com) blathered:
>
>: : (begins singing)
>
>: : TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>
>Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
>"Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
>foreign to translate.
Okay. WHAT I say what is the Latin for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Chelonia mutati iuvenilii Ninjensis? What?
If that Cardinal whose day job is working out the Latin for stuff
like "world-wide web" (?) and "chewing-gum" (Gummi ad masticandum)
for the Vatican is reading this group, maybe he'd like to write
in and tell us.
Can anyone give me the URL for the Vatican gift shop, BTW? I would
like a fold-out cardboard Vatican for an old grilf.
All the best,
John.
--
John D Salt Dept of IS & Computing,| Barr's Law of Recursive Futility
Brunel U, Uxbridge, Middx UB8 3PH | [BLORF]: If you are smart enough
Disclaimers: I speak only for me. | to use one of these... you can
Launcher may train without warning.| probably manage without one.
Joseph Michael Bay
>: : TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
>"Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
>foreign to translate.
But the English words "Teenage", "Mutant", "Hero", and "Turtles" are fine?
Please.
Also in Turkey all four turtles are armed with scimitars, and stab you
in the butt because stabbing someone below the waist is not considered
intent to kill. They call this "Turkish Surprise" or "Turkish Delight"
or something.
You like gladiator movies,
Johnny
--
Joseph Bay Mmmm . . . soylenty.
"Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed". "Dog's don't know it's not Bacon".
Hi! I'm a replicative .signature transposon! Copy me into your .signature!
What Would Gene Simmons Do?
Chris Franks
> So the neurons you have just activated are the ones that can pass a
> British Lit. survey course without actually attending it, and can live on
> 10-cent stale bread loaves and water for months on end.
> You, sir, do not realize what you have done.
>
> Stacia * The Avocado Avenger
Stacia, I have some very bad news for you. The "normal" anticipation
would be that this reaction would get weaker with time; that it would
tail off; that it would not bother you so much years after
graduation. Well, it doesn't get any better!!! I still have
nightmares about the 10-cent Thrift-shop bread and the
chlorine-saturated water I kept stashed under my bed in the rooming
house in the same year that the Phillies played in the World Series with
Robin Roberts and Richie Ashburn. I always thought it was traumatic
because if we failed a course, we would lose our 2S student deferment
and be sent straight to the front lines in Korea, but it seems to be
more than that. And I didn't even take British Lit.
The Avocado Avenger
>The Avocado Avenger wrote:
>> So the neurons you have just activated are the ones that can pass a
>> British Lit. survey course without actually attending it, and can live on
>> 10-cent stale bread loaves and water for months on end.
>> You, sir, do not realize what you have done.
>>
>> Stacia * The Avocado Avenger
> Stacia, I have some very bad news for you.
As long as it ends with "and then all your neighbors died," I can live
with it.
>The "normal" anticipation
>would be that this reaction would get weaker with time; that it would
>tail off; that it would not bother you so much years after
>graduation. Well, it doesn't get any better!!! I still have
>nightmares about the 10-cent Thrift-shop bread and the
>chlorine-saturated water I kept stashed under my bed in the rooming
>house in the same year that the Phillies played in the World Series with
>Robin Roberts and Richie Ashburn.
What was the chlorine-saturated water about? And we're so poor, we wash
our clothes in the tub. And we use saltines for sponges!
>I always thought it was traumatic
>because if we failed a course, we would lose our 2S student deferment
>and be sent straight to the front lines in Korea, but it seems to be
>more than that. And I didn't even take British Lit.
It sucks that there are no wars to send punk-ass teenagers to anymore.
WANTED: $600 loan to cover moving expenses so we do not lose our lives
in the near future. Interest rate negotiable. Eternal gratitude
guaranteed. Near-mint 1968 Chevy Nova with no reverse gear for
collateral. Please call after 3 pm weekdays.
(Thank you, Stacia, for turning this post into a rant about your
neighbors, when it had nothing to do with your neighbors and quite
frankly, we're sick of hearing about your neighbors so like get a life, or
something.)
Chris Franks
>
> What was the chlorine-saturated water about?
in from Colorado, used the Raritan River[1] water and then ran it thru
their "water purification" plant. In order to pass State Health
requirements, they had to mix approximately equal parts of H2O and
Chlorine. It tasted worse than swimming pool water.
And we're so poor, we wash
> our clothes in the tub. And we use saltines for sponges!
Do you use the Bounty saltines that don't get so soggy so fast?
>
> It sucks that there are no wars to send punk-ass teenagers to anymore.
No big ones, just lots of teeny-tiny little ones that could FLARE UP
without warning. I hope they hold off for another 5 years while I
finish raising the last of my punk-ass teenagers...sooo tired.
> WANTED: $600 loan to cover moving expenses so we do not lose our lives
> in the near future. Interest rate negotiable. Eternal gratitude
> guaranteed. Near-mint 1968 Chevy Nova with no reverse gear for
> collateral. Please call after 3 pm weekdays.
I could borrow from my 401K, but my wife might mind. The way I
solved your problem when I last lived in a trailer park was that I
turned on MY stereo medium loud, and then called the cops and complained
that the guy who lived in space #337 [me] had his music on way too
loud. They roared up to check mine out; I was sitting outside
listening to U2 and digging it. When they got out of the patrol car,
then they heard the real noise coming from #336, and got it turned
off. Later, when I met my neighbor at the mailbox, before he could
say a word, I complained to him about some asshole who called the cops
on me and made me turn my system down. I asked him if he knew who it
was, and he said he thought it was that weirdo in space #339.
>
> (Thank you, Stacia, for turning this post into a rant about your
> neighbors, when it had nothing to do with your neighbors and quite
> frankly, we're sick of hearing about your neighbors so like get a > life, or something.)
Trailer trash can live anywhere.
[1] On the Banks of the Old Raritan [2], my boys,
Where old Rutgers evermore shall stand
[2] Too thick to swim in, too thin to plow
Mark Hill
> pre-Neolithic pre-Cambrian Mother Superior who is covered with
> 200 TONS OF COSMETIC LAVA!!!, you make it an Abian LIGHTER.
EQUIVALENCE OF MASS AND TIME. MUST SET BATHROOM SCALE BACK ONE ABIAN TO
SAVE ELECTRICITY WITH DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME.
So if I set my bathroom scale back one abian, does that mean I can skip
that nasty diet? Does it mean my insurance company will think I'm
below the normal weight range for my height, and increase my premiums?
Does it mean that if i go to Arizona my weight will be much more
consistent because they don't observe Daylight Saving Mass there? Don't
Catholics observe Daylight Saving Mass?
When I use my Zippo brand Abian lighter to light the room, does it get
brighter? Is there a secret hidden equivalence of mass, time, and
brightness? Is this true on my tv set too? Is there an equivalence of
mass, time, brightness, contrast, and tint?
And when will someone merge Zippo and Mentos so they save on
advertising expenses?
Mark Hill
> nonexistence, but no, you had to reinforce the Tickle Me Elmo Cell in
> my cortex. YOU RUINED MY BRAIN!!!
My parrot owns a talking elmo doll. No, he doesn't imitate it, but he
does want to kill it. The sound of talking elmo enrages him (hmm, like
you...)
I think I've trained him well.
Mark Hill
etienne...@sympatico.ca (Etienne Rouette) writes:
> I once again misinterpreted song lyrics. I always kinda sang something
> along the lines of "Heroes into action" and "Mega power".
come on and see see see
tennessee tuxedo...
dammit, now i'm going to be wondering about the mystery words in the
tennessee tuxedo song for the rest of the day!
Great Unsolved Mysteries of All Time.
Joseph Michael Bay
>In article <7184eb$c...@epic9.Stanford.EDU>,
>Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>>Also in Turkey all four turtles are armed with scimitars, and stab you
>>in the butt because stabbing someone below the waist is not considered
>>intent to kill. They call this "Turkish Surprise" or "Turkish Delight"
>>or something.
>I thought they called it "sodomy".
No, they call it . . . "ANAL SEX"!! HAW HAW HAW!
(Note: the above is my impression of some people who work in this lab
who, every time I make a clever, witty, and subtle remark, EXPLAIN THE
JOKE and THEN think THEY've made a clever, witty, and subtle joke USING
MY "STRAIGHT LINE". Example:
Someone: "Blather blather blather, Freud said everything was a phallic symbol".
Me: "Actually, he was the source of the commonly-used phrase 'Sometimes a
cigar is just a cigar'. Although you don't hear that much anymore
(heh heh)."
Someone else: "YEAH BECUZ THU PRESIDINT STUCK A SIGAR UP THAT GIRLZ COOTER!"
This happens like all the time. I'm at the end of my rope here, IYKWIM,
AITYD.
Someone else: "YEAH IT MEENZ YOUR MASTERBATING!!! HAW HAW HAW!!!")
Joseph Michael Bay
>Actually, they couldn't come up with anyone to translate the theme song,
>since that still runs in English, only with "Hero" dubbed over "Ninja".
Also, Porky Pig is replaced with "Kemal Camel", who is even more
disturbing than Porky.
>Also, the people they get to dub cartoons into Middle Eastern languages
>(or at least Arabic and Turkish) have to be heard to be believed.
I think it would be funny if they completely changed the story, like in
_Robotech_ of _What's Up, Tiger Lily?_.
SHREDDER: "Now I, Great American Yankee Devil, with the help of Israel,
will destroy the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and bring decadent Satanic
unveiled women to occupy positions of power and influence, MUAHAHAHAA!"
ABU BAKR: "No way, Great American Yankee Devil dude!"
'UMAR: "Yeah! Let's show him some Turtle Power!"
UTHMAN: "Like, I'm gonna totally kick your Satanist imperial butt!"
ALI: "Yeah, your evil Zionist conspiracy totally sucks! Allahu Akbar!"
[Violent, bloody combat ensues]
TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES: "Allallallallallallallallallallalla!!!!"
>This is, of course, the vilest fabrication imaginable. Next you'll be
>telling me that the Armenians didn't massacre millions of Turks at the
>turn of the century.
You can't fool me. The turn of the century hasn't happened yet!
>Yrs,
>S. Argic
Allahu Jeff,
Ian Armenianian
Nick S Bensema
Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>
>Also in Turkey all four turtles are armed with scimitars, and stab you
>in the butt because stabbing someone below the waist is not considered
>intent to kill. They call this "Turkish Surprise" or "Turkish Delight"
>or something.
I thought they called it "sodomy".
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@primenet.com> 98-KUPD Red Card #710563 UIN: 2135445
~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
duh
Thomas R Scudder
: tom...@umich.edu (Thomas R Scudder) writes:
: >: : TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
: >Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
: >"Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
: >foreign to translate.
: But the English words "Teenage", "Mutant", "Hero", and "Turtles" are fine?
: Please.
Actually, they couldn't come up with anyone to translate the theme song,
since that still runs in English, only with "Hero" dubbed over "Ninja".
Also, the people they get to dub cartoons into Middle Eastern languages
(or at least Arabic and Turkish) have to be heard to be believed.
: Also in Turkey all four turtles are armed with scimitars, and stab you
: in the butt because stabbing someone below the waist is not considered
: intent to kill. They call this "Turkish Surprise" or "Turkish Delight"
: or something.
This is, of course, the vilest fabrication imaginable. Next you'll be
telling me that the Armenians didn't massacre millions of Turks at the
turn of the century.
Yrs,
S. Argic
Lisa Pea
>My parrot owns a talking elmo doll. No, he doesn't imitate it, but he
>does want to kill it. The sound of talking elmo enrages him (hmm, like
>you...)
My parrot chews the faces off of Barbie dolls, plus she chews off the
legs and heads of all little plastic chickens and pigs and bugs, plus
she is all the time putting the domestic violence all over the asses
of us, except for the dog, to whom she just says, "Hey, Bud. Hey, Bud.
Hey, Bud." over and over again, calculating for to drive us INSANE.
Also, she hates the stupid doughy guy next door, which is A-OK with
me. Fucker. Wearing the dumb hats. Mowing the dumb lawn every day.
EVERY DAY MOWING THE DUMB LAWN. Also, there is this guy down the
street, and it used to be that every day, when I was coming home from
work, that guy would be out there in his lawn, all skinny and angry
looking, wearing these really tall Sansabelt slacks and a little
short-sleeved polyester button-down shirt and a dust mask, mowing his
flaccid little pansyass whiteboy lawn, mincing about with his pinched
little ass jutting out behind him, mowing his ragged Kentucky
bluegrass.
Also, the other guy? The guy who Frances hates? One time, he and his
pasty sad little family were sitting in their backyard being all
raucous talking about MAYONNAISE. No shit. I shit you not. True. True.
True. "OH," the scrawny little twat of a wife says, "I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT BESTFOODS AND HELLMANS WERE THE SAME MAYONNAISE! THAT IS
INTERESTING!!!" "OH, YES!!!" says some dried-up old cooze who was
visiting, "THEY EAT A LOT OF MAYONNAISE, SO THEY KNOW ABOUT THESE
THINGS!!!" Also, they put CANCER on their yard, and we are their
enemies.
Fucking mayonnaise-shitting sphincter-faced doughy-assed LAWN
FETISHISTS.
Richard E. Nickle
Thomas R Scudder <tom...@umich.edu> wrote in article
<HDRZ1.4004$fS.13...@news.itd.umich.edu>...
| This is, of course, the vilest fabrication imaginable. Next you'll be
| telling me that the Armenians didn't massacre millions of Turks at the
| turn of the century.
Please stop spreading the ugly rumour that Americans slaughtered millions
of Turks at the turn of the century. They all died of natural causes,
and I have proof because I read about it in the Boston Public Library.
Also, why do you name yourself after the Iraqi missile that American
PATRIOTS had to shoot down? You, sir must be some sort of vile dispicable
communist.
Sincerely,
soc.culture.turkish.baths moderator
| Squeezing flinthead trout
| in their massive jaws, sparks fly:
| Bears discover fire.
This is the worst limerick I've heard all day.
James Kibo Parry
>
> Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
> "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
> foreign to translate.
I think we should travel back in time to change the name of the show to
each of these, in rapid succession, just to see which will translate to
what in Turkey:
(1) "Ninja Turkeys"
(2) "Ninja Ninja Ninja Ninja Ninja"
(3) "Doidy Doidy Doidy Doidy Doidy"
With Libby's Libby's Libby's on the label label label you get turtle
soup all over the table table table while you beable beable beable
but don't wobble wobble wobble, Libby's, THE BEST A MAN CAN GET!
> All I can say is,
> Give peace a chance.
Give cheese NO pants! Cheese must die! Or at least be horribly embarassed.
-- K.
Chive Jeeves implants?
Clive James a plants?
He am not a plants!!!
James Kibo Parry
>
> Thomas R Scudder (tom...@umich.edu) writes:
> >
> > Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
> > "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
> > foreign to translate.
>
>
> Please.
It's true. Also, every episode began with a caption saying
"THESE WOMEN HAVE JUST ESCAPED FROM A MENTAL INSTITUTION", and if you
look really close you can see Ted Danson hanging himself in the background.
> Also in Turkey all four turtles are armed with scimitars, and stab you
> in the butt because stabbing someone below the waist is not considered
> intent to kill. They call this "Turkish Surprise" or "Turkish Delight"
> or something.
I wonder what they call bad taffy in Turkey? I'll bet it's something
involving the word "French" and/or "Elastic".
> You like gladiator movies,
>
> Johnny
That's the worst Peter Graves impression I've ever heard. You are not
worthy to be the eyes and ears of Vaal!
-- K.
If "Star Trek" came
from Holland,
CAPTAIN KIRK WOULD
BLOW UP VAAL KIJLMER,
and to leave the ship
instead of using the
Transporter they'd just
open the bottom half
of the ship's door.
James Kibo Parry
>
> Thomas R Scudder (tom...@umich.edu) writes:
> >
> >
> > Actually, they couldn't come up with anyone to translate the theme song,
> > since that still runs in English, only with "Hero" dubbed over "Ninja".
>
> disturbing than Porky.
You're confused. It was "Noman The Camel", and he was the replacement
for Big Bird in the Kuwaiti version of "Sesame Street", which went like this:
JAMES T. KHIRQ: Noman! You have made an error! You did not notice you
made an error! Therefore you made two errors! You did not notice your
two errors! Therefore you made three errors!
NOMAN: Illogical. Sterilize. Sterilize. STERILIZE! ALL UNITS CO-ORDINATE!
SPOQ: Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers that have TOUCHED HAM!
NOMAN: ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! PLEASE SET CURRENT DATE AND TIME!
KHIRQ: Stardate nine nine nine nine point nine.
NOMAN: Daisy, daisy, giiiiiive meeeeeeee yourrrrrrrrr wwwwrrrrr blrrrrrrr...
*BOOM*
> > Also, the people they get to dub cartoons into Middle Eastern languages
> > (or at least Arabic and Turkish) have to be heard to be believed.
>
> I think it would be funny if they completely changed the story, like in
> _Robotech_ of _What's Up, Tiger Lily?_.
I would prefer to hear what would happen if all the voice-actors in
Japan woke up one morning to find out that the men had voices ten
octaves above normal and the women had very low-pitched voices.
It would ruin pop culture forever!
-- K.
And remember, Turkish BIFF
would dot all his capital I's,
except for the ones that were
supposed to have dots, which
would get ogoneks.
James Kibo Parry
>
> Mark Hill (mh...@epicentre.net) wrote:
> >
> > My parrot owns a talking elmo doll. No, he doesn't imitate it, but he
> > does want to kill it. The sound of talking elmo enrages him (hmm, like
> > you...)
>
> My parrot chews the faces off of Barbie dolls, plus she chews off the
> legs and heads of all little plastic chickens and pigs and bugs, plus
> she is all the time putting the domestic violence all over the asses
> of us, except for the dog, to whom she just says, "Hey, Bud. Hey, Bud.
> Hey, Bud." over and over again, calculating for to drive us INSANE.
If I had a parrot, I would teach it to sing the theme song from
"Small Wonder" over and over, then I would release it to breed in the wild,
as my gift to humanity! I hate humanity. Humanity is worse than
us people!
-- K.
Uh oh, Kirk's carrying around
antimatter in a floating
ladies' blue bowling ball again.
Thomas R Scudder
: I think we should travel back in time to change the name of the show to
: each of these, in rapid succession, just to see which will translate to
: what in Turkey:
: (1) "Ninja Turkeys"
"Hero Ethiopian Chickens"
: (2) "Ninja Ninja Ninja Ninja Ninja"
"We're Awfully Sorry About Cyprus - We Take It All Back"
or
"Ataturk is a WEENERBRANE"[1]
: (3) "Doidy Doidy Doidy Doidy Doidy"
"Furps Furps Furps Furps Furps"[2]
--
Tom Scudder aka tom...@umich.edu <*> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~tomscud
Squeezing flinthead trout "I contradict myself? Very well,
in their massive jaws, sparks fly: I contra- hey, wait. No I don't!"
Bears discover fire.
[1] It is now ILLEGAL to import this post into Turkey
[2] Thus showing the influence of German culture, by way of the numerous
Turkish "guest workers".
Thomas R Scudder
: Thomas R Scudder <tom...@umich.edu> wrote in article
: <HDRZ1.4004$fS.13...@news.itd.umich.edu>...
: | This is, of course, the vilest fabrication imaginable. Next you'll be
: | telling me that the Armenians didn't massacre millions of Turks at the
: | turn of the century.
: Please stop spreading the ugly rumour that Americans slaughtered millions
: of Turks at the turn of the century. They all died of natural causes,
: and I have proof because I read about it in the Boston Public Library.
I am not making ANY SORT OF ACCUSATION against your country, just STATING
a WELL-KNOWN historical FACT that the Armoricans SINGLE-HANDEDLY caused
the FALL of ROME by REFUSING to allow them to know the SECRET of their
magic potion.
: Also, why do you name yourself after the Iraqi missile that American
: PATRIOTS had to shoot down? You, sir must be some sort of vile dispicable
: communist.
As we are about to celebrating the Day of Peace and Freedom here in the
Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus (commemorating the day when all of the
Greek people in the northern half of the island spontaneously decided to
move to the south), I will try and overlook your petty insinuations.
Yrs,
M. Kemal Ataturkel
Marc Etienne Lachance
(Thomas R Scudder) wrote:
> Christopher Chase (cha...@uts.cc.utexas.edu) asieoniezi:
> : Once upon a time, in alt.religion.kibology, James "Kibo" Parry
> : (ki...@world.std.com) blathered:
>
> : : (begins singing)
>
> : : TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
>
> Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
> "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
> foreign to translate.
The same thing goes for the rest of Europe, but that's because the censors
thaought that ninjas were Evil and Bad Role Models. However, this is the
same continent that thinks that full frontal nudity is acceptable on
billboards.
I'm still enjoying the fact that the rest of the world is still stumbling
upon "Schröder", as if they never read "Peanus". Sheesh! Next think you
know, they'll start mispronouncing "Joschka Fischer"!
--
-><-
Marc Etienne Lachance
(K) 3164. All rites revered. Fnord.
-><-
Marc Etienne Lachance
> "Furps Furps Furps Furps Furps"[2]
>
Are you sure you don't mean Steve Jackson Games' GURPS?
Ah.
I thought so.
Thomas R Scudder
: Thomas R Scudder wrote:
: > "Furps Furps Furps Furps Furps"[2]
: >
: Are you sure you don't mean Steve Jackson Games' GURPS?
Actually, I haven't thought much of anything Steve Jackson has done since
"Warlock of Firetop Mountain", to tell you the truth.
Chris Franks
> some people who work in this lab
> who, every time I make a clever, witty, and subtle remark, EXPLAIN THE
> JOKE
>
> This happens like all the time. I'm at the end of my rope here, > IYKWIM, AITYD.
You'd really think that at a place like Stanford, with all those Nobel
Prize Winners[1] and all, and a good reputation[2] and all, that with
Chelsea herself being so nearby, that those people in that lab would
have some, like, SENSITIVITY that they would not say something so
crewed as to cause her embarrasment{3]!
[1] Not like Dartmouth which has discrimination lawsuits to contend
with.
[2] Harvard is known as "The Stanford of the East"
[3] They even sell Chelsea toilet paper at Price Costco.
Leah Verre
(Marc Etienne Lachance) wrote:
>Thomas R Scudder wrote:
>
>> "Furps Furps Furps Furps Furps"[2]
>>
>
>Are you sure you don't mean Steve Jackson Games' GURPS?
>
>Ah.
>
>I thought so.
>
>--
>-><-
>Marc Etienne Lachance
>(K) 3164. All rites revered. Fnord.
>-><-
NO HE MEANZ ANAL SEX! HAW HAW HAW!!!
-Joe Bay
WHO TOOK MY TROPHY PANTIES?
--Ur-Beatle
Clancy Dalebout
> The Avocado Avenger wrote:
>> So the neurons you have just activated are the ones that can pass a
>> British Lit. survey course without actually attending it, and can live on
>> 10-cent stale bread loaves and water for months on end.
>> You, sir, do not realize what you have done.
>>
>> Stacia * The Avocado Avenger
> Stacia, I have some very bad news for you. The "normal" anticipation
> would be that this reaction would get weaker with time; that it would
> tail off; that it would not bother you so much years after
> graduation. Well, it doesn't get any better!!! I still have
> nightmares about the 10-cent Thrift-shop bread and the
> chlorine-saturated water I kept stashed under my bed in the rooming
> house in the same year that the Phillies played in the World Series with
^^^^^^^^
IWPTA: "The Phillipines" I figure it was an American colony, so why not?
--
Clancy Dalebout | xmsho@!spam!nein!yahoo.com
"With proper tactics, nuclear war need not be as destructive as it appears."
-- Henry Kissinger
"Tactical nukes? We don't need no stinkin' tactical nukes!" -- Larry Wall
Clancy Dalebout
> Christopher Chase (cha...@uts.cc.utexas.edu) asieoniezi:
> : Once upon a time, in alt.religion.kibology, James "Kibo" Parry
> : (ki...@world.std.com) blathered:
> : : (begins singing)
> : : TEEN-AGE MUT-ANT NIN-JA TUR-TLES
> Incidentally, did you know that in Turkey, they're (or were) called
> "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"? Apparently, the concept of "Ninja" is too
> foreign to translate.
IHNJH, IJHTS:
When I was in Japan, one of my friends' fathers took me aside and
explained to me at length why REAL Japanese cartoonists would never
make a cartoon like TMNT because turtles traditionally represent old
age, and therefore could never be used to portray spunky teenagers.
And he was so *serious* about it, like TMNT was an affront to
Japanese culture.
Chris Franks
> ^^^^^^^^
> IWPTA: "The Phillipines" I figure it was an American colony, so why not?
Welcome to Major League baseball, the only sport that has a World
Series where they don't invite anybody else in the World to come.
Except Canada. Sometimes.
Joseph Michael Bay
>Soon they'll have an electronic game where you pretend you're using
>"Electronic Mr. Potato Head" when you're really using the
>"Electronic Electronic Mr. Potato Head".
And then you can pretend you're posting about it on your WebTV
using your WebTVTV!
SWM ISO WebTV/TS. No freaks.
>> : 1.) "I turned off the chutney at 3:15 AM because you were snoring."
>> Ich habe heute morgen um 3.15 Uhr das Chutney vom Herd genommen, weil
>> Du geschnarcht hast.
This actually makes more sense than the original Enlgish version,
because it implies that one is actually cooking chutney, rather than
allowing one to infer that chutney has an "on/off" switch. GERMAN
MADE SOMETHING MAKE MORE SENSE THAN IT DID BEFORE, SO WE HAVE SOME
KIND OF LANGUAGE PROBLEM HERE.
James Kibo Parry
> >
> > I think we should travel back in time to change the name of the show to
> > each of these, in rapid succession, just to see which will translate to
> > what in Turkey:
> >
> >
> > (3) "Doidy Doidy Doidy Doidy Doidy"
>
AUGH! MATT McIRVIN IS PLAYING HIS "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE" VIDEO GAME AGAIN!!!
So is anyone else terrified of that new electronic "Mr. Potato Head" game
for pre-schoolers? NOW YOU CAN PUT THE HAT ON MR. POTATO HEAD WITHOUT
TOUCHING AN ACTUAL ICKY PLASTIC POTATO THING!
Soon they'll have an electronic game where you pretend you're using
"Electronic Mr. Potato Head" when you're really using the
"Electronic Electronic Mr. Potato Head".
Is this from the same people who brought out the Merlin successor
named "Electronic Merlin"?
-- K.
Coming soon:
The Pickle Me Elmo!
Alum refills sold
separately, or ask
Mommy for some Zima!
--- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone ---
From: ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: Music
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Organization: welcome datacomp
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 1996 07:47:45 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 2731 centons, 98 microns, .04 hectars
X-Kibo-Machine: Vannevar Bush's Memex & Gene Roddenberry's Memorator
In article <mmcirvin-ya023180...@news.std.com>,
mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) wrote:
>In article <56mij4$r...@dfw-ixnews2.ix.netcom.com>,
>su...@ix.netcom.com(Larry Suter ) wrote:
>
>> Don't know where I got the inspiration or how I wrote the words.
>> Spent my whole life just diggin' up my music's shallow grave,
>> for the two songs in me and the third one I just maaaaaade.
>
>FURB FURB FURB FURB! FURB FURB FURB FURB FURB FURB FURB!
>
>(Their appropriation of the "Strawberry Shortcake" video game theme
>was brill.)
Oh yeah? Well, I'm appropriating the Atari 2600 "Pac-Mac" theme!
DEE BZZT DEE BZZT !!!!!!!
the end.
-- K.
ALSO THEY RUINED KNIGHT RIDDER WHEN THEY
GAVE KITT AN AROMANOMETER!!!
--- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone ---
From: ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: Bewerbung fuer die Moderation von de.admin.news.announce
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology, de.admin.news.groups
Organization: HappyNet Headquarters
Date: Thu, 25 Sep 1997 19:18:27 GMT
Peter "g" Bouillon <boui...@sol.cs.uni-sb.de> wrote:
>
> James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
> :
> : Boris 'pi' Piwinger <3....@Math.MIT.edu> wrote:
> : >
> : > Und morgen dann das ganze Usenet, um schliesslich doch Kibo zu
> : > huldigen!
>
> Right you are, Kibo: Boris *did* use the K-word.
Actually, I was grepping for the word "doch" when I found that.
As all German speakers know, "doch" is the very rarest word in the whole
language, because it has the very most powerful meaning of any word!
> : Could anyone please help me translate the following things Kibo might
> : need to say at any time?
>
> Well, I'll do my best. Here are the translations you ordered:
>
> : 1.) "I turned off the chutney at 3:15 AM because you were snoring."
>
> Ich habe heute morgen um 3.15 Uhr das Chutney vom Herd genommen, weil
> Du geschnarcht hast.
To test these translations for ease of reading, a person who knows
little German will now translate them back into English:
1.) "I have hot mornings with three point fifteen wristwatches with
Chumley the Walrus and Tennesee Tuxedo, while you had a snorefest."
> : 2.) "beable beable beable beable beable beable"
>
> Furps furps furps furps furps furps.
2.) "Furb furb furb furb!" <-- KIBO'S IMPRESSION OF MATT McIRVIN
SINGING THE "ATARI 2600 STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE" MUSIC
> : 3.) "I wasn't sticking a big 'o' over the 'a' in your stupid sign.
> : And I'm not kicking you, I'm kissing you with my fist!"
>
> Ich habe auf Dein doofes Schild gar kein grosses 'a' mit Kreis drum-
> herum gemalt. Und ich pruegel Dich nicht, sondern ich knutsche Dich
> nur mit meiner Faust.
3.) "I have Deanna Troi's dumb kid, who grosses out MIT's Kresge
auditorium with his malted drum roll. And this pretzel-dicked night,
it sounds like nutty Philip K. Dick is talking to Faust."
> : 4.) "Where are the blank CDs that you would be able to record on if
> : they had invented recordable CDs which clearly they haven't
> : because you people always look at me funny?"
>
> (Just for the recordable CD, you are about to become out of date.
> Those things are just around the corner they say.)
The CDs you can write to are soon to be replaced by ones you can
write to AND read from! I know because I read it in Reader's Digest!
> Wo stecken eigentlich die leeren CDs, die man bespielen koennte, wenn
> bespielbare CDs erfunden worden waeren, was ganz offensichtlich nicht
> passiert sein kann, weil Ihr Leute mich immer so komisch anstarrt?
4.) "Where do I elegantly stick myself to leer at erotic video CDs,
that one can throw like Frisbees, when throwable CDs are funded by the
Trilateral Commission, whih often can't pass for Sean Penn, while their
milkman is always so wacky?"
I don't know. I don't think your translations are any good.
> : 5.) "Hi, I'm your new neighbor, William Shatner.
> : Mind if I borrow a cup of sugar?"
>
> (Don't know this Shatner guy. Is he very important? Am I living behind
> the times?)
He was the captain on NBC's "seaQuest DSV".
> : 6.) "It can't have given you diarrhea because there's no compartment
> : for laxative in a TV dinner... unless I gave you the special one
> : by mistake."
>
> Von mir kannst Du gar keinen Durchfall gekriegt haben. Es gibt
> naemlich keine Rubrik fuer Abfuehrmittel beim Fernsehabendessen...
> ausser ich haette Dir versehentlich die Extraversion verabreicht.
6.) "Can you help me eat a Lunchables(R) because I can't finish these
two huge punch-outs of baloney discs by myself? I've been given,
namely, no Rubik's Cube for dragonbutt who eats ferns with mayonnaise.
Also, I have your forgettable Renegade Version of "Highlander 2".
> : 7.) "Need help quenching autofluorescence in nudibranch brain!"
>
> (A bit tough, that one.)
>
> Wer hilft mir, das spontane Aufleuchten in meinem Nacktverzweigerhirn
> zu unterdruecken?
7.) "Need help quenching autofluorescence in nudibranch brane!"
Sorry, you spelled it wrong. Better luck next time.
> : 8.) "Un-altered reproduction and dissemination of this information is
> : encouraged."
>
> Unveraenderter Nachdruck und Verbreitung dieses Informationsmaterials
> wird begruesst.
8.) "Unadvertised specials on notebooks and Rainbow Brite diesel dolls:
secret information enclosed printed on grains of gruel."
>
> : 9.) "You are covered with 200 tons of cosmetic lava! Einstein is
> : covered with 200 tons of cosmetic lava! Newton is covered
> : with 200 tons of cosmetic lava! Roy Scheider is covered with
> : 200 tons of cosmetic makeup!"
>
> 200 Tonnen kosmetischer Lava bedecken Dich! 200 Tonnen kosmetischer
> Lava bedecken Einstein! 200 Tonnen kosmetischer Lava bedecken Newton!
> 200 Tonnen kosmetischen Make-ups bedecken Roy Schneider!
I think you got that right, although your invention of the Lava Newton
tastes kind of like the opposite of Hormel Chili: spicy, with no cereal.
> (But who is Roy Schneider?)
Roy Scheider was the captain on NBC's "starTrek DS9".
> : 10.) "Sil!"
>
> Blah!
10.) "Zoi!"
> : 11.) "My fudge won't stop bleeding!"
>
> Die ganze Zeit tropft meine Korkserei.
11.) "The big-time mime troupe took my Captain Kirkscrew!"
> : 12.) "Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deutsch, und nicht gut
> Deutsch. Beable!"
>
> Je ne sais parler que peu fran,cais, ni tr`es bien. Furps!
12.) "iA dios le debo la vida, y a mi suegra la comida!"
> Well let's just *hope* for rational discourse to start up on
> de.admin.news.groups. They're trying to change the moderation of
> de.admin.news.announce at the moment (roughly, the equivalent to
> tale in the de.* hierarchy), and they keep alleging things and
> calling each other names. And there's a lot of tense squabbling
> on the wording and the interpretation of obscure legal issues.
> It's all very German really.
If Usenet were a truly German thing, there would be a separate newsgroup
for every topic, and every message would be posted in a separate article!
God bless America, where everything is thrown into one big melting pot
by the mean kids to make the LARGEST LUMP OF GRAY PLAY-DOH IN THE WORLD!
-- K.
Do you have Play-Doh in
Germany? We have David
Hasselhoff in America,
but not his hair.
--- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone --- rerun zone ---
From: ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry)
Subject: Re: Bewerbung fuer die Moderation von de.admin.news.announce
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology, alt.mud.misc
Organization: welcome datacomp
Date: Fri, 26 Sep 1997 04:40:19 GMT
X-Battlestar-Galactica-Date: 9002 centons, 73 microns, .09 zeos
X-Newsreader: UnixTV. All the power of a UNIX mainframe, in a TV!
tan...@aros.net (Stephen Tanner) wrote:
>
> Peter "g" Bouillon <boui...@sol.cs.uni-sb.de> wrote:
> |
> | Kibo said:
> | :
> | : 2.) "beable beable beable beable beable beable"
> |
> | Furps furps furps furps furps furps.
>
> Actually, "furps furps furps furps" looks like an early Soviet attempt
> to create "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty".
Except in the Soviet Union, Walter Mitty's life would have had no secrets,
but the book about his life would BE secret. And if you tried to buy
it you'd have to wait in line until you forgot what you wanted to buy and
then they'd sell you boots made out of pressed dryer lint and then you'd
have to wait in line another eight hours to get out of the store, which
was named GUM to confuse you!
> CAN SOMEONE SHUT OFF THE GLOPPETA-GLOPPETA MACHINE!?
You forgot the kraty znak over the E, and the scooby snak over the I.
> Wait a minute...TSR is going to sue us both for infringing on the
> copyright of their Fantasy Universal Role-player System.
Well, FURPS is just SMURF spelled backwards.
> | : 8.) "Un-altered reproduction and dissemination of this information is
> | : encouraged."
> |
> | Unveraenderter Nachdruck und Verbreitung dieses Informationsmaterials
> | wird begruesst.
>
> And then I translate it back into english as something like
>
> Cloning through artificial insemination of genetic information is ok!
CLONING-DINOSAURS-AND-PEOPLE-ARE-EVIL-MUST-STOP-THIS-WASTE-OF-SCIENTIFIC-
TRUTH-ACCORDING-TO-JESUS-SAVES-LOVE-YOU-NEVER-REMOVE-METAL-HYPHENS-FROM-BRAIN!!!
Now I gott ride the subway while singing that!
> Und dann wird es VACKY!
In English, that's
Annnn' now, thaaaaa's waaaaaaaacky!
> | : 9.) "You are covered with 200 tons of cosmetic lava! Einstein is
> | : covered with 200 tons of cosmetic lava! Newton is covered
> | : with 200 tons of cosmetic lava! Roy Scheider is covered with
> | : 200 tons of cosmetic makeup!"
>
> This is just part of a battle spell from a KiboMUD log.
>
> Everyone should check it out. There are lots of races: humans,
> trolls, elves, minotaurs, gelflings, and trolls. To get there, just
>
> telnet localhost 19
Also try
rm * ; echo "Duh" ; Pnews alt.tv.seaquest ; eat Mentos
I guarantee you, it won't do anything after it erases all your files!
-- K.
I'm 100% sue-proof so
don't sue me if you're a
retard! This will stand up
in a court of law unless
the judge is a retard too!!!
James Kibo Parry
>
> When I was in Japan, one of my friends' fathers took me aside and
> explained to me at length why REAL Japanese cartoonists would never
> make a cartoon like TMNT because turtles traditionally represent old
> age, and therefore could never be used to portray spunky teenagers.
> And he was so *serious* about it, like TMNT was an affront to
> Japanese culture.
Like there's some subset of the human culture that it's not an affront to?
Well, okay, mentally-deficient people probably like it. But if they're the
only ones, then it's clearly specifically targeted for them, therefore
it's VERY OFFENSIVE because it's wrong just to produce TV shows for the
mentally-deficient! This is why I hired Majel Barrett to produce
"The Special Show" for me so I can have all the money and none of the guilt.
Or sex.
-- K.
I'll give her a role
as a space nurse if she
promises to not sleep with me.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) writes:
> >
> > Soon they'll have an electronic game where you pretend you're using
> > "Electronic Mr. Potato Head" when you're really using the
> > "Electronic Electronic Mr. Potato Head".
>
> using your WebTVTV!
X-Newsreader: WebPotatoHead. A Web browser and an educational preskool toy!
> SWM ISO WebTV/TS. No freaks.
I JUST THINK IT'S SICK THAT THEY SELL TRANSVESTITE MAGAZINES LIKE
"TV GUIDE" AT THE SUPERMARKET.
> [ancient quotation from Kibo and German translation from someone]
>
> >> : 1.) "I turned off the chutney at 3:15 AM because you were snoring."
>
> >> Ich habe heute morgen um 3.15 Uhr das Chutney vom Herd genommen, weil
> >> Du geschnarcht hast.
>
> This actually makes more sense than the original Enlgish version,
> because it implies that one is actually cooking chutney, rather than
> allowing one to infer that chutney has an "on/off" switch. GERMAN
> MADE SOMETHING MAKE MORE SENSE THAN IT DID BEFORE, SO WE HAVE SOME
> KIND OF LANGUAGE PROBLEM HERE.
That's nothing. I just saw the only "Star Trek" episode where they gave
John_-_Winston a close-up. And he was giggling. And, while I was watching
it... because I had just come back from an appointment with a design client
earlier today... I was wearing my Serious Power Designer Outfit. Because
I took of the jacket when I got home, I was watching "Star Trek" while wearing
a bright red shirt and black pants.
DOES THIS MAKE ME A LOSER YET? PLEASE TELL ME I WON'T BE A LOSER UNTIL
I MENTION THE DISCUSSION I HAD ABOUT THE FLAVOR OF PEDIATRIC NUTRITIONAL
SUPPLEMENTS!
Actually, the real loser part of today's adventures in freelancing would
be that I stopped at the end of Dry Dock Avenue (an industrial park located
in one very long, battleship-sized building) to take photos of the
"BOSTON MARINE INDUSTRIAL PARK" sign because they were mangling a logo
I designed. (I seem to recall the stripe with the mis-aligned Helvetica
looked a bit different when it left my hands.)
I need to explore the rest of that area to see where they put the building
whose logo was a big dot. I am very proud of having once designed a dot.
-- K.
FIND KIBO'S DOT AND WIN!
P.S. He was right, you can't taste the tuna in the lemon-line flavored stuff.
Francesco Benvenuto
in alt.religion.kibology, lis...@dim.com (Lisa Pea) wrote:
$ Also, the other guy? The guy who Frances hates? One time, he and his
You named your gay parrot after my unix account.
YOU NAMED YOUR GAY PARROT AFTER MY UNIX ACCOUNT!
Unless your parrot is a lesbian, that is.
--
fB
Lisa Pea
like:
>You named your gay parrot after my unix account.
>YOU NAMED YOUR GAY PARROT AFTER MY UNIX ACCOUNT!
To find out if your parrot is a boy or a girl, you have to take blood
out of them and do a lot of stuff that is sciencey to it, so I just
decided to pretend that she is a lesbian and not a homo.
So anyway, if we ever accidentally find out that she is a queer like
Frank Sinatra, we can change the 'e' in her name to an 'i,' and VOILA!
INSTANT FAGGOT BIRD!
Also, I name everything after you, Dr. Benvenuto. And I do mean
everything.
Joseph Michael Bay
>earlier today... I was wearing my Serious Power Designer Outfit. Because
>I took of the jacket when I got home, I was watching "Star Trek" while wearing
>a bright red shirt and black pants.
So, you died within the first five minutes. Big deal. At least you
didn't have to watch the part where Spock and Kirk wrestle in a manly
yet tender way because Spock REALLY needs to mate.
Excuse me, I have to go wash my eyes.
With ethanol.
Hey, everyone, I'm dressed as Frank Sinatra! Including the pallor of death
and the martini glass!
Aaron A.
Aaron I. "Does anybody else think that the concept of re-usable soggy
paper towels is friggin' nasty?" Allensworth
Aaron A.
Can't...do...a...
little...
cuz...he...
can't...
...
...
...
do...
<music box winds down and lurker's head explodes; explosion starts the
music box again>
e-nough!
Aaron I. Krofft
James Kibo Parry
Dear Dr. WebTV at Aaron dot net,
Today while I was at Ming's Super Market (the one that has the swastika-
brand barbecue sauce and the Aisle Of Jerks) they didn't have what I wanted.
So I went to the 88 Super Market (the one that has the 50-gallon buckets
of soy sauce with the pictogram on the side illustrating a small child
drowning headfirst in soy sauce, and the sign saying "folder buns") and
they had a new sign saying "COCK BRAN" because apparently the "D" didn't
rubber-stamp right. Anyway, that was definitely not what I wanted so I
went home and pretended I wasn't home because the people in this neighborhood
don't bother wearing costumes when they Trick-or-Treat, so I didn't bother
answering the doors because these guys don't deserve filthy candy!
-- K.
I hate to think about the machine
that separates the cock bran from
the rest of the cock.
Matt McIrvin
(Joseph Michael Bay) wrote:
>(Note: the above is my impression of some people who work in this lab
>who, every time I make a clever, witty, and subtle remark, EXPLAIN THE
>JOKE and THEN think THEY've made a clever, witty, and subtle joke USING
>MY "STRAIGHT LINE". Example:
You know, when you use all those caps it's just like you're shouting!
>Someone: "Blather blather blather, Freud said everything was a phallic symbol".
>Me: "Actually, he was the source of the commonly-used phrase 'Sometimes a
> cigar is just a cigar'. Although you don't hear that much anymore
> (heh heh)."
>Someone else: "YEAH BECUZ THU PRESIDINT STUCK A SIGAR UP THAT GIRLZ COOTER!"
Hey, look, BIFF lives! How'd you become BIFF, Joe Bay? Get it? He
used all caps and then put in a Z! Ha ha ha!
>This happens like all the time. I'm at the end of my rope here, IYKWIM,
>AITYD.
>
>Someone else: "YEAH IT MEENZ YOUR MASTERBATING!!! HAW HAW HAW!!!")
Hey, that sounds like that crazy Jack Chick ! !! !~
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Roger Douglas
>
>Thomas R Scudder <tom...@umich.edu> wrote in article
><HDRZ1.4004$fS.13...@news.itd.umich.edu>...
>| This is, of course, the vilest fabrication imaginable. Next you'll be
>| telling me that the Armenians didn't massacre millions of Turks at the
>| turn of the century.
>
>Please stop spreading the ugly rumour that Americans slaughtered millions
>of Turks at the turn of the century. They all died of natural causes,
>and I have proof because I read about it in the Boston Public Library.
>
>Also, why do you name yourself after the Iraqi missile that American
>PATRIOTS had to shoot down? You, sir must be some sort of vile dispicable
^^^^^^^^
I loonytooned this as PARROTS.
My brane is now infected with a terrible vision of a flock of wacky Walt
Disney style parrots in camouflage plumage with badges on their wings
reading "42nd airborne".
I can't make it to Boston, but if any Kibologists are going to be in Sydney
on 21st November, I'm having a big Xmas party, with my band playing. E-mail
me for details.
--R.
Roger Douglas
>Lisa Pea (lis...@dim.com) wrote:
>>
>> Mark Hill (mh...@epicentre.net) wrote:
>> >
>> > My parrot owns a talking elmo doll. No, he doesn't imitate it, but he
...
>If I had a parrot, I would teach it to sing the theme song from
...
I just want to say that I wrote that completely non-sequitur-ish post I just
wrote about parrots BEFORE I read these last three posts that also mention
parrots.
Now I'm a bit scared.
--R.
Bad Experiences With Dogs
mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin) wrote:
> In article <718j5a$i...@epic3.Stanford.EDU>, jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU
> (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote:
0R J()53P]-[ ]\/[1(]-[43]_ ''64Y'' BW4H4H4HAHAH4HAH4H!!!!!!!!!
> >(Note: the above is my impression of some people who work in this lab
> >who, every time I make a clever, witty, and subtle remark, EXPLAIN THE
> >JOKE and THEN think THEY've made a clever, witty, and subtle joke USING
> >MY "STRAIGHT LINE". Example:
>
> You know, when you use all those caps it's just like you're shouting!
Y DONT U CALL THE "NETPOLICE"????22???22 U CANT CUZ THERE NOT THEIR!!!!!11!!!
> >Someone: "Blather blather blather, Freud said everything was a phallic
symbol".
> >Me: "Actually, he was the source of the commonly-used phrase 'Sometimes a
> > cigar is just a cigar'. Although you don't hear that much anymore
> > (heh heh)."
> >Someone else: "YEAH BECUZ THU PRESIDINT STUCK A SIGAR UP THAT GIRLZ COOTER!"
>
> Hey, look, BIFF lives! How'd you become BIFF, Joe Bay? Get it? He
> used all caps and then put in a Z! Ha ha ha!
HA HA I "GET IT" YOUR EXPLANING THE JOKES KIND OF LIKE HOW HE WAS TALKING
ABOUT IN THE ARTICLE... VERY FUNNY FUZZNUTS TAKE SOME PROZAK AND GET A
***LIFE***!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!11!
> >This happens like all the time. I'm at the end of my rope here, IYKWIM,
> >AITYD.
> >
> >Someone else: "YEAH IT MEENZ YOUR MASTERBATING!!! HAW HAW HAW!!!")
>
> Hey, that sounds like that crazy Jack Chick ! !! !~
S4+4]\[ R0()]_Z!!!.......FR0]\/[ +]-[3 \/4+1(4]\[!!!1!!1
Robert "Reversion to 3L33+ modes of expression is at first a cause for
alarm, and then a source of comfort" Caponi
Joseph Michael Bay
>rubber-stamp right. Anyway, that was definitely not what I wanted so I
>went home and pretended I wasn't home because the people in this neighborhood
>don't bother wearing costumes when they Trick-or-Treat, so I didn't bother
>answering the doors because these guys don't deserve filthy candy!
I had a bag of spearmint leaves (the chewy sugar things, not actual
leaves) and a bag that was empty, and when kids came to the door with
no costumes, they got an imaginary treat from the empty bag. And a
stern warning from a scary-looking fey albino alien.
Luckily, we managed to leave the apartment before too many kids showed
up. Otherwise they'd be getting rabbit doots.
David DeLaney
>So ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) turns round and goes:
>>Lisa Pea (lis...@dim.com) wrote:
>>> Mark Hill (mh...@epicentre.net) wrote:
>>> > My parrot owns a talking elmo doll. No, he doesn't imitate it, but he
>
>wrote about parrots BEFORE I read these last three posts that also mention
>parrots.
Welcome back to the Hivemind, Roger. It's warrrrm in here, isn't it?
>Now I'm a bit scared.
Dave "but it's a _dry_ fear!" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney d...@panacea.phys.utk.edu "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://panacea.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ/ I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
Francesco Benvenuto
$ Also, I name everything after you, Dr. Benvenuto. And I do mean
$ everything.
Including the kitchen sink - not to mention the ass.
HMV Benvenuto gets hit by an ice cube and sinks into likewise named
kitchen sink! Film at 11! Celine available upon request.
I have yet to decide which particular Celine, but I'm currently
inclined towards Hagbard. Or, as it goes, Celine Benvenuto.
Message to Ms. Rea:
IANAL but I think that quoting an one-word email message in its
entirety does constitute fair usage, after all.
End of message.
So, in private email, in reply to my message stating that "provided
my plane doesn't crash, I'll be in Boston on Dec. 5, and where could
I travel to from there the following week?" Ms. Rea answered:
"Denver"
Which is an extremely clever place to travel to by plane, because if
the plane doesn't crash you get to visit Denver, and especially the
long, deep tunnels below the Denver Airport, infested by space alien
fungi. And if the plane does crash you get to visit Denver anyway!
A win-win situation. Thank you, milady.
--
fB
Francesco Benvenuto
lach...@concept-bayreuth.de.fnord (Marc Etienne Lachance) wrote:
$ The same thing goes for the rest of Europe, but that's because the censors
$ thaought that ninjas were Evil and Bad Role Models. However, this is the
$ same continent that thinks that full frontal nudity is acceptable on
$ billboards.
Hey! We're in Europe too, at least we were last time I checked, and
they were named "Tartarughe NINJA" here! Which means "Ninja turtles",
in case you're so stupid you didn't guess it yourself. Can't remember
how they translated the "teenage mutant" part, though. Which is
understandable, as I was about 30 at the time and not in their target
audience by a few years.
--
fB
Michael Straight
Darn. I thought sure the subject line said "Ban Branes."
Now that would be a subject I could follow. Up. Too.
The problem with Usenet? TOO MANY BRANES!
And not enough of them made by Bristol-Myers Squibb Co.
SMTIRCAHIAGEHLT
James Kibo Parry
>
> Darn. I thought sure the subject line said "Ban Branes."
Don't ban all of them! Just ban the ones bigger than mine.
Also, ban any branes that are in people's butts or in vats filled
with anything other than formaldehyde, including but not limited to
water, plasma, the other kind of plasma, licorice, Teenie Beanie Babies,
Teenage Mutant Beanie Babies, or other branes!
-- K.
Prevent them from filming
"Diff'rent Strokes: 1999"!
BAN BAINS!